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End of a Dream, Beginning of Hope

On Election Day 2008 my partner and I helped Arizona Together, the group fighting Proposition 102 – the so-called marriage amendment. We were hoping we have done enough to make this close and see if we could pull out a win. We volunteered to spend all day at the polls. We were sent to North Scottsdale, a pretty conservative area (I guess that is redundant to say here in Arizona). Our hopes were high – Barack Obama would become President and we would defeat the marriage amendment again like we did in 2006.

At the polling place we set up camp and got all set to hand out our pamphlets and politely ask people to please vote No on 102. There was only one other person out lobbying for votes. Luckily she was with a Democrat candidate running for State House of Representatives. She was great and was on our side from the beginning. Ok here comes the first person. A woman maybe in her mid-40′s I hand the flyer and say, “Hi there. Please vote No on 102-again.” Her response to me, “Of course! All of us gays have to stick together on this.” Woo hoo see this was going to be fine, I thought to myself. We have a shot.

As the day wore on we had many supporters, gay and straight, tell us they were absolutely voting No on this ridiculous waste of time. All day I only had two people look at me and say, “Never! I’m voting Yes for sure!” The main problem we were having is many people we hand delivering their mail in ballots. They were already sealed so there was no opportunity to change anyone’s mind. We learned from the election officials that over 50% of the registered voters in that precinct had requested a mail in ballot. That was why it felt like the turnout was low. They only had a line when they opened the poll. Other than that there just weren’t as many people as expected.

When we finished at the polls it was off to Downtown Phoenix for the Democratic Party! HRC and Arizona Together had private salons to watch the returns in. We got there fifteen minutes after the party was to start. The hotel was insane. You could hardly walk in the lobby. The main ballroom was full and they weren’t letting anyone up the escalators. We finally found hotel staff that helped us get to our private party.

Once we were there it was brought to my attention that a man had come in and sat down at one of the tables. He was by himself and just seemed out of place at the gay party. The big tip off was on his tie he had a YES on 102 sticker. Everyone was afraid to rock the boat and say anything to him. Well not me. I went over and politely introduced myself and said I hadn’t seen him around before so thought I would welcome him. He said thanks and tried to go back to watching the CNN coverage on the giant TV screen.

I asked, So how did you hear about our party?”

“You know from the Obama people,” he replied.

“Oh I see. This is a private party here so that’s why I asked. Do you know what organization this is?”

Now there are HRC flags hanging up, stickers on the table, and No on 102 signs everywhere. I have also noticed that the room got much quieter and people had focused on what was happening.

“Um yeah your with No on 102,” he says after looking at the signs. “Look I didn’t mean to crash the party but the other room was full.”

“Yeah I figured that because your YES on 102 sticker kind of gave you away. Look this is a private party…” I said hoping he would pick up on the hint.

“Gee I am sorry I’ll go” he said getting up.

“I think that is a good idea. Nice meeting you” I said waving him goodbye.

He leaves the room and I am greeted with Hi-5′s and cheers for kicking him out. Well I couldn’t believe no one had done it before I got there. Many people commented that he was making them feel uncomfortable and thanked me for getting him out.

On with the party! Everyone in the room was focused on the Presidential race. Not me, I was all about getting info on the Prop 102 race. I was calling people and getting updates as often as I could. The numbers were not looking good. But there was hope! Pima county, the most liberal area had not reported any numbers.

Then the announcement came – President Elect Barack Obama! The room went nuts. It was amazing we had worked so hard to get him elected. But my mind was still focused on the marriage amendments. I kept making calls and keeping an eye on twitter.

We watched McCain concede we watched Obama give his acceptance speech. You could have heard a pin drop. I kept checking twitter. Prop 102 was looking bad. Prop 8 not good. We lost Florida. We lost Arkansas. Oh no what was happening. Is this really going to happen are we going to lose them all?

The party started to break up and we went to a suite that we had. Finally the numbers were just not adding up. It became clear that Prop 102 was going to pass. We lost 56% yes to 43% no. 250,000 votes short. I was devastated. It’s funny in a way. It was already on the law book that marriage is between a man and a woman. So it was illegal before the election and really nothing had changed. Yet to have the people vote to have discrimination against you written into the constitution was really upsetting. We hung our hopes on Prop 8 being defeated. Those that were in politics made calls and said it was over and 8 was going to pass. But my friends on twitter kept sating it was too close to call so I hung onto hope.

The next day I was still so angry. I had to take my daughter to school and I really didn’t want to even look at the other parents. I knew that most of them had probably voted to discriminate against me. Even now I look at people and wonder how they voted. It has been a tough week. I haven’t been able to write this until now because I was so upset about not only what happened here in Arizona but in the other three states as well. I love that Obama won and I think with this new Congress and him as our President there is a lot of hope for our future. For me a dream ended that night. I dreamed that we had made real progress. We had beat this once before, oh but that’s right they were going to take rights away from straights too. I had really dreamed that we could beat it. Now I have to focus on the hope that Barack Obama has tried to give us. That change is coming. I know this is a process and that the road is long. Tuesday should have been the best day ever and yet for me it really sucked.

Lezzymom has two kids and a wonderful partner. Her political commentary has appeared on C-Span and CSPAN.org. Visit her Lezzymom blog for more of her insights.