The Answer I Got….
If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.”
Barack Obama- November 4th, 2008
Yes Mr. President Elect, we gays in North Carolina did get an answer that night.
I live in North Carolina. North Carolina is not what I would call an exactly gay friendly state.
On the other hand, I always thought the state of California was.
Now California is on the other side of the country, a continent away from me. Being from North Carolina, I really did not believe I directly had a dog in this fight about Prop 8 other than I saw California as a trend setting place, that if gay marriage took hold there it would only be a matter of time before it took hold everyplace and maybe someday that would help me here in North Carolina.
So I blogged against Prop 8 and I sent the organizers of the movement a 200 dollar check.
But I really and truly thought that it was after all California, one of the most liberal places in the world and the voters out there would surely do the decent thing and finally leave gays alone with of their rights fully intact.
So what I did was all I thought I really needed to do and I trusted that the good people of California would look out for the gays there.
I was shocked Tuesday when it was becoming evident that Prop 8 would pass and for the first time in the history of this country a whole class of people were going to lose rights they already had and it was going to be done by a very narrow margin popular vote.
I felt terrible I had not done something more to help them out there.
Then I got scared.
I got scared because I realized that California, a state that I had always considered something of a gay Nirvana, had just turned on its gay population and had constitutionally made them second-class citizens.
I also realized that North Carolina, home to Billy Graham, a stronghold of the Southern Baptist Convention and generally a very conservative Southern Bible Belt State, could now in some ways be considered more liberal when it comes to gays than California is.
You see while North Carolina does have a law banning same-sex marriages; we do not however have a constitutional amendment that specifically makes me a second-class person. I knew if something like this can happen to gays in California, something like this or far worse could happen to gays here in North Carolina.
We are North Carolina and we still have some very scary people here…
http://www.geocities.com/freeknightsnc/
As you can see, the Free Knight Boys and Girls have an agenda for me and mine. And I think this decision in California has probably given folks like the Free Knights encouragement to pursue that agenda. I think they are going to see the passage of Prop 8 in California as permission to come after me and mine in North Carolina.
Now many of my neighbors here in North Carolina say to my face they support my rights to live and love as my heart dictates, they say they won’t let the Free Knights come after me, but after California, I am not so sure that is truly the case anymore.
After California I don’t know that the law will protect me anymore.
Yesterday I went to a gun store… I bought a holster, some extra ammunition and some new clips for my gun.
And when I got home, I loaded my Glock…
Now this is the answer this gay girl in North Carolina got after this election…
Paula Brooks lives in the Outer Banks of North Carolina with her partner, their twin daughters and her hearing helper dog, where they own and operate a vacation home rental business. You can visit her Blogger profile here.
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Paula,
I also am gay and live in NC. Did you notice the hit counter down at the bottom of the site to which you linked? It had a date of 5/23/02 (presumably the start of the site) and a hit count of 414 (including my visit). I realize that hit counters are easy to manipulate but I feel that if these people wanted to show how “right” they were, they would have preset the number very high instead of very low. I am not afraid of the KKK.
Yes, we should protect ourselves and our families. Yes, we should seek to air our grievances with our state and local governments legally or peaceably. Yes, we should fight for our rights. Yes, we should educate our neighbors, coworkers, friends about our lives. But we should not succumb to fear.
We are at a crucial moment of our history and we are called upon to stand up and speak our truth. We can prevail. We can usher in change. We can overcome our oppression. But we cannot do all of this if we lead with fear and violence.
Erin
Ok the Klan does not scare you… but I have been trying all my life to educate our neighbors, coworkers, friends about our lives, but after this week I see that it is not working and now I have to take care of my family and myself…
I see how my neighbors, coworkers, and “friends” really feel about us.
I also feel what happen in California will make it seem to some (and living in NC you know who they are) that it is now more political correct to strike out at us… and if you don’t feel this way then you should, because this is now, whither we like it or not, our reality here.
If you don’t feel this way then I’d have to say you are living on a silly pink cloud.
I’m confused on what exact thinking puts one on a silly pink cloud. I believe in non-violent action too! I also believe all Americans should have guns for self-defense. I want a gun too, but let’s make it clear we’re not arming ourselves to fight a war with crazy social-conservatives.
Jen… did you see this post was tagged with Self Defense?
All I am saying is that after prop 8 there are those who are going think it is now acceptable to hurt us.
And if you don’t understand and get your mind completely around this fact that then I would call that a very good example of pink cloud thinking.
Bush has ef’d up a lot of lives. There are young children out there without a mom or dad because he felt that WAR was the answer. It is fine that you are big on guns, bombs and self-defense, but you need to understand that someone will pull that crap, that pic out of context and use it against us. it isn’t about being in a pink cloud, it is about the world watching us and we have to demonstrate that we are CIVILIZED human beings and are dealing with this in a EDUCATED manner.
We are civilized here and we are educated here, I have a Doctorate…
I also have a gun and will use it if anyone comes to hurt my family or myself…
Most of our conservative opposition have and hold same position on the right to keep and bear arms.
But then again I guess the taking our rights has started…
so you might be right and it should not be all that hard for them to say the 2nd amendment does not apply to gays either.
“Ok the Klan does not scare you… but I have been trying all my life to educate our neighbors, coworkers, friends about our lives, but after this week I see that it is not working and now I have to take care of my family and myself…”
How do you see that it is not working here in NC? Because Prop 8 passed by a very narrow margin in CA? Have you asked your actual friends, neighbors, coworkers here in NC how they feel about Prop 8 passing?
In all my time of living as an out lesbian (17 years) in NC, I have never had one negative reaction to my homosexuality (that was said to my face, anyway) and I have worked in all sorts of industries including that last bastion of conservatism, financial services.
The truth is–whether Prop 8 passed or not–today is still another day in the reality of our lives and that hasn’t changed. I have no fear that the people I work with and that the friends that I have and that the neighbors I live near are now suddenly going to change their minds about me because of something that happened in CA. It seems that you have drawn an “us”/”them” line in the sand and are afraid someone is going to cross it.
I don’t think of this country as “us”/”them”. I think of it as “we” and “we” still work together, live near each other, have to interact with one another…
This is a tumultuous time, I don’t deny that. It is also a time of great energy and great potential for change. The governor of CA, Republican Arnold Schwarzenegger has come out against the passing of Prop 8. There are already counter lawsuits being filed. There are peaceful demonstrations going on all over the state of CA and in others. We are not powerless to change this setback and we are fighting it. Prop 8 is not written in stone. It can be undone. Why not work for that rather than arm yourself against the possibility that your coworkers, neighbors, and friends here are suddenly going to turn on you?
NC already has a law on the books banning same-sex marriage. It’s been there for years. Some day, that will change. We have Barack Obama about to take office in January. He has talked about a repeal of DOMA, of federal civil unions. We booted Elizabeth Dole (R) and elected Kay Hagan (D). We chose a (D) for almost every major office in this state. For the first time in a long time, NC voted blue. We have the resources and one of the best environments in which to do the most work for change. I call this a time of hope and not of fear.
If that puts me on a “silly pink cloud”, so be it. I’d rather be there, working to uplift us all, than on a lead-lined cloud of fear.
Erin
Erin …. this is all fine, but where is Barack?
Just a word of hope from him on all this will change everything for me…
I heard it from Arnold, but I did not vote from Arnold… I voted for Barack… if he wants me not to fear my neighbors all he has to say is ” Gays, I hear you… just give me time”…
Those are not that many words to say. But I want to hear them NOW.
I want the hope he promised me… I want to know he is hearing me… I want hear him to say it will all be ok and to not be afraid…
till then I have only my experience to go on and that says I had better take care of my family and myself.
Paula,
President Elect Obama is a) not president until January 20th, 2009 and b) has much bigger fish to fry right now. The crumbling economy, health care reform, education, the war in Iraq…all these are higher priority for him right now. He works for the good of all this nation and those problems come first.
I have no doubt that Obama is going to an agent of progress for LGBT rights in this country but he is not going to be your protector. To hitch all of your feelings of security and safety on what one man says or doesn’t say is ill-conceived.
Prop 8 passed, what, four or five days ago? Have you lost your job here? Have you lost your home? Has anyone come up to you and said–directly or indirectly–”Now that Prop 8 has passed, watch out! We’re on to you!”?
Barack Obama is not our knight in shining armor. He will not be able to do for us what we hoped he would. No politician can. It is up to us as a whole people–straights and gays alike–to change this country.
Bishop Gene Robinson, the first openly gay bishop of the Anglican Church, said it best:
“At the end of the day you have to decide
whether or not you are going to be paralysed by threats and by violent possibilities or whether you just move on and do what you feel called
to do despite the risks.”
The bottom line?
Prop 8 passing is not a national permission slip for the hunting of homosexuals and Obama, though powerful and very much on our side, is not likely to focus on Gay Rights right out of the starting gate.
Don’t hang all your hopes on one man, one outcome. Take comfort from the narrowness of the margin of Prop 8 passing, from the immediate backlash against it, from the protests and marches, from the sheer visibility of our people standing up for our rights.
Erin
Yes I know Barack is not taking office till Jan 20th… but he has a mouth NOW…
But that voice is talking about what dog he is going to get…
Right now I see his dog is more important then my family is…
You went through this whole litany of things we accomplished in this past election… but every one of them were for someone else…
We have been through all of this before with the Clintons in 93… and it looking to me to be so much business as usual this morning.
He needs t to tell me that this in not going to happen again… and he needs to do it NOW…
It is not that many words, it will take him less than 6 seconds to say them… but they will make all the difference to me.
I’m offended that he’s so obsessed with the dog but doesn’t have a second to acknowledge us too. Am I supposed to be laughing? Ridiculous. Yeah, you’re welcome for the help on the campaign Barry, thanks. Let’s make NOV 15th something he can’t ignore!
Erin… you need to join us stop making excuses for the man and get on his ass… we need to hear it NOW…
When I do… I will unload my gun…
I want to point out that President-Elect Obama was asked a question about the impending dog and he answered with a joke.
Our big problem is not President-Elect Obama, in all honesty, but a media obsessed with certain, specific stories which were, at best, run on the back page a dozen years ago.
I think that we should really be concious of the fact that the Media is obsessed with the dog and not with protests in California.
Still, I do agree that we need to write to President-Elect Obama. However, I get a sense from some of the information that has come my way that he may be staying quiet about this in order to not scare anyone away while he consolidates his power base in the Congress, and that, once things are more solid, he can push a lot of LGBTI rights through.
Sounds very Bill Clinton of him.
Sei you know I know something about this press conference. I was talking to them about press accreditation for us and I am sure do not get to go to the “dog” press conference because when they asked who I blogged for I had to show them.
Once I did I never heard back for the Obama peeps again and I bet the Advocate and Washington Blade got the same treatment.
Our protests are the top story today… are the Obama peeps not watching Television?
“Erin… you need to join us stop making excuses for the man and get on his ass… we need to hear it NOW…
When I do… I will unload my gun…”
So you’ll unload your gun and think everything is going to be okay if the man who is not yet president drops everything and says…what? “Don’t worry, gay people, everything will be okay.”?
And why do those words make any difference, regardless who speaks them? Talk about silly pink cloud thinking…
I am not making excuses for our President Elect, I am being realistic about his power to help. It is not his responsibility to wave a magic wand and fix everything for us LGBT people (20% of his populace). As I said before, he has many other problems to deal with that affect 100% of his populace. He will start there. Make no mistake about it.
It is our responsibility to make our voices heard. It sounds like you are keeping up your end of that deal just fine.
Erin
Yes… I would have my promised hope again.
and are you telling me Erin if he took the 6 short seconds to utter those words it would not make a difference to you?
I want to know this is not all business as usual.
It would only take 6 seconds for me to KNOW that.
Erin I don’t feel that hope right now I feel cheated… and I have spoken with a lot of others who feel cheated on that hope as well…
I know he has a lot on his plate… but it is only 6 seconds… is that too much to ask?
Paula,
Your question is complicated and depends on a number of factors.
Can Obama make everything okay for LGBT people? No, he cannot. Not by uttering useless platitudes and not without solid support from the Senate and the House. He is working on gaining that support. It will not happen overnight. If he speaks too soon on this issue, one that obviously has the power to divide this country, he will lose the political capital he has now and then we lose everything. We need him to be president for two wildly successful terms–the full eight years–if we are to return this country to the states of peace and prosperity it richly deserves.
The entire country is in dire straits. The economy is suffering a collapse the likes we haven't seen since 1929. Health care and education are in the toilet. The war in Iraq is costing trillions of dollars a day and hundreds of lives. Our civil liberties under Bush & Co. have been shredded. Food prices continue to rise out of control. Our national debt has put our entire nation in hock to China.
My family suffers because of these problems. My hopes and dreams are affected by these problems. I am content to continue our fight for LGBT rights while also fighting to right these wrongs.
It's a little early in the game to feel cheated of hope when Obama is still only a senator and has no power to "make everything all right", even if he says those words.
And to answer your question about whether or not Obama saying those words would make a difference to me, I can honestly say no, it wouldn't. If he says them but is unable to manifest them, then they are useless platitudes and I don't have time for those. If he doesn't say them, I have lost nothing that I had yesterday.
Erin
Hi Erin ~ Thank you for your wise comments on this blog post! – Jules
Erin,
I have heard everything you just said…. 16 years ago… from LGBT apologists for Bill Clinton.
I worked my butt off to get Barack elected here in North Carolina… I sent him money… I knocked on doors for him… I blogged about him every chance I could get… but now I don’t want to hear from you the same things I heard nearly 2 decades ago from our last “great hope” president.
I want to hear he understands what California meant to us and that he will not throw us over like the Clintons did… this is just one more urgent thing he now has to take care of.
I don’t plan to sit back and wait 8 more years only to end up Obama out of office leaving me with another DADT or DOMA “compromise”.
It will only take 6 seconds…
Remember Erin, the squeaky wheel get the grease.
We can’t count on the those who give us “happy talk” to do the right thing when it comes down to it. Look at the polls, No on 8 should have passed by a slim margin. People don’t always talk how they vote. Maybe I am being cynical yet I still hold out hope for the best that Obama will do the right thing and fast. If not, I am prepared for the worst.
“It will only take 6 seconds…”
And it will still mean nothing. I’d rather wait for him to say it when he actually has the power to do something about it.
But what, exactly, are you expecting him to do? There will never be a constitutional amendment regarding marriage, in either direction. Marriage is a state’s rights issue and will likely always be one. Hence, why Schwarzenegger is the best placed person to overturn Prop 8.
Are you wanting him to repeal DOMA and DADT? He has said those things are on his agenda already.
Are you wanting him to assure us of federal civil unions? Also something he has already claimed is on his agenda.
Are you wanting him to “tsk, tsk” at the CA voters for passing Prop 8? Not likely.
Are you wanting him to repeal Prop 8? He can’t.
By all means, be the squeaky wheel. Squeak all you want at whomever you want. But the key here is you are pinning your hopes and successes on what one man says (or doesn’t say). He cannot do this alone, just like we cannot do this alone. All over this nation, people like you and I are attending protests, writing our local politicians, shouting our outrage out to whomever will listen! That is progress! That is how these battles will be won.
You are free to think of me as a Clinton apologist–that is your opinion and you are entitled to it. I don’t agree. I also remember the Clinton years and how we were “thrown under the bus” as the saying goes. I think the circumstances then differ from the circumstances now significantly.
Quite frankly, it occurs to me that we must now agree to disagree. I am not going to change your mind and you are not going to change mine. I hope you get what you want from Obama. I hope that he comes out tomorrow and says “Everything is going to be okay” so that you can unload your gun and feel safe again.
As for me, I have no gun. So I guess I’ll just get back to work. There’s a lot of work to do.
Ye Erin, we do have to agree to disagree… and yes those 6 second will mean EVERYTHING to us.
I voted in this election not for another politician… I voted for a leader… and I expect him to lead.
Paula,
He is a leader. He will lead. I have no doubt of it.
But he is not the second coming. And anyone who lays such expectations on one man will be sorely disappointed.
Erin
Eric…. did you see this?
http://www.365gay.com/news/investigators-house-may-have-been-torched-because-owner-was-gay/