Lesbophobia – This is NOT A Happy Post
Lesbophobia is NOT the next buzz word.
A genocide is occurring and is a direct a result of Lesbophobia. I am not talking about the horrors in Darfur, or referring to the tragedy in Rwanda. Genocide does not have to include murder, though many times that is what ultimately occurs. According to Wikipedia, genocide is the “deliberate and systematic destruction of an ethnic, religious, or national group”. I believe this is what is happening for homosexuals everywhere. Our group has been consistently targeted and portrayed as immoral sexual deviants with little regard for family values, and the ‘moral-majority’ continuously tries to break our spirit. Though major advancements in gay and lesbian rights have been made around the world, homophobia is still running rampant. Gay men and women everywhere are still being held back from that promotion, kept in the dark about their partner’s health status, and getting eye-balled every time they are in public; in places that claim to be tolerant no less!
…the Lesbophobia Committee of the association decided to undertake a survey of lesbians in France and gathered almost 1800 responses from November 2003 to January 2004. The preliminary results are already available and are significant: 57% of the lesbians who responded related having been victims of lesbophobia. For almost half of these responders, 45%, the discrimination occurred in their daily lives – on the street, in public transportation, in public places – as well as in their families (44%). One woman in four encountered lesbophobia on the part of her friends. The same proportion mention having experienced it at work. Equally worrying is the fact that 10% of the responders reported lesbophobia in the medical field, and 4% during gynecological consultations. This situation has been confirmed by similar studies in Belgium, Canada and Moldavia that indicate a medical corps badly adapted – even hostile – towards LGBT people. – source
Lesbophobia takes homophobia to a new level, because it is also composed of old fashioned sexism.
On top of discrimination for being gay, lesbians have the added pressures of being discriminated against for being a woman. Even though we’ve made major strides in women’s rights, and more recently in gay rights, the general mindset that people have has not really changed all that much. Women are still seen as the non-dominant gender and this helps to foster a special kind of hate towards lesbians. I’ve experienced Lesbophobia first hand, and I can feel the disgust from people who are less than gay friendly. Some hetero-sexual men are insulted to think that a woman would choose to not marry a man. Some women fear emotions they have towards other women, and feel that lesbianism might be ‘contagious’. In both cases, the person is put in a frame of mind that creates an aversion towards lesbians.
If you read my post about My Broken Gaydar, you know that I was married to my children’s father before becoming a lesbian.
Some people who knew me when I was straight don’t like me now that I am gay. Some people who don’t know I am gay when they meet me, will stop being friends once they find out I am gay. At first this confused me, because I know I am the same person. The only thing I’ve changed is who I lay next to at night, but apparently this is enough of a reason for some people to dislike and even hate me. I live my life like a normal woman even though I’m not straight. I still pay my taxes and eat food, and my blood is still red too. I wave to my neighbors and pass out candy on Halloween, take my kids to the park to play and shop at the same stores as everybody else. But still, the Lesbophobia is there; and unfortunately I know that it really ticks some people off that I even exist.
Honestly though, I am fortunate to live in a country and state where the open-minded run free – California, USA.
Regardless of how people eyeball me and my wife when we are buying groceries, it’s nothing compared to the hardships other lesbians have faced and ARE facing around the world. It is a hard issue to face, but Lesbophobia puts a whole new twist on homophobia in that aggressors feel that they can make their point against lesbianism by dominating us as women. Physical violence is common and can include rape of one or both partners, and sometimes ends in murder. In a recent case in early 2007, a woman and her TWO year old daughter were sexually assaulted because the mother was a lesbian. The mother was murdered and the daughter left with her legs broken. (article – it’s horrible) Just a few months later also in South Africa where equality rights have already been established, two lesbian women, Sizakele and Salome, were executed alongside the road. One of them was a well known lesbian rights activist and the news of the crime hit hard. (photo memorial banner) Lesbian aversion can escalate into lesbian hatred quite rapidly under certain circumstances, and this is where Lesbophobia gets dangerous.
Gay rights reform is forcing many people to simply accept something that they have been raised to shun, rather than educating people on tolerance and equality.
Many times frustrations and aggressions of heterosexuals are increased, because of religious beliefs and an attitude of righteousness that doesn’t allow acceptance when it comes to homosexuality. An added lack of respect is presented if you are a lesbian woman, and physical domination is usually the chosen weapon against us. Having lived a safe hetero life, it sickens me to know that because I am now a lesbian I am somehow imposing on another person’s sense of self and should now worry for my own safety as well as that of my children. At this point aversion to heteros comes to mind, and then a small bubble of hatred starts to brew inside of me as well. Then I remember that I am not like them. I am not a hateful person, and no matter what anybody says or does, they cannot take my love for my wife away from me.
Lesbian women have fought and even died for this – for my right to love my wife.
And you know what? That’s exactly what I am going to do. I will not let women like Sizakele and Salome die in vain. And I will not resort to the tools of hatred to end our suffering. The most positive thing that I can do towards ending this genocide of the hope of a happy lesbian existence is to protest from a place of love, and ask that you do the same. If you are a lesbian, I encourage you to become a visible positive role model in society. Do not hide in the closet afraid of what is out there! Stand up and stand together with the rest of us united against hatred and connected by love. Even if you’re not gay you can help our fight! Every dollar you spend, every website you click on, every radio station or TV channel you tune into lines somebody’s pockets. BE CONSCIOUS of whose pockets you are lining! Avoid endorsing media networks, websites, products, radio shows, and anything else that is produced by people or companies known for gay-bashing or otherwise supporting anyone or anything that is anti-gay. When musical artists like JaRule make negative statements towards the gay lifestyle (article), I refuse to further support their music. Companies like Gannett and General Electric offer health insurance for domestic partners of their employees and I will purchase and endorse their products as long as they continue to do so.
Women are dying everywhere because of who they love at the hands of people who hate them. We all have to be conscious of Lesbophobia and what it can mean for our society. Innocent bystanders are really just bystanders.
Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.
(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
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This is always a worry, even though I have been very blessed, so far. I don’t hold back when speaking to people, I talk about my Partner, just like I would anything else. Hopefully, I am letting people see that I am no different than they are.
I resonate more with the gay community than mainstream society, although I am not a lesbian. Over the last 20 years, I have been physically assaulted by 3 lesbians whom I had never met. Each one DEMANDED that I have perform a sex act with them in a public place (it’s all they said to me in all cases) and when I very politely declined, I was beaten. I still have a permanent handicap from one attack. I respect their rights and choices and I am wanting more insight into why Lesbians beat up straight women whom they do not know.
“Honestly though, I am fortunate to live in a country and state where the open-minded run free – California, USA. “
And that would be where I turned off completely. Lesbophobia is bullsh*t. Homophobia and sexism are perfectly adequate phrases. If America is so open-minded and free then nobody would be killed for being lesbian, gay or trans. Your country is not free, your citizens are not free, you’ve just bought into the notion that you are.
I’m an out lesbian, in a committed relationship, in a country where I am free to express that. I can marry her, I have pension and inheritance rights, I’m her next-of-kin for medical purposes (and she is mine). We have employment rights that mean we can’t be fired for being lesbian, and here in my country men and women earn equal pay for equal work.
What’s more I can walk down the street holding her hand and not get a second look. We book into hotels as a couple, I kiss her goodbye on the doorstep as she goes to work, I buy birthday/Christmas cards with ‘To my Girlfriend’ on them, and two happy little female animals. Again, not a look. My parents can buy “To my Daughter and her Girlfriend” cards in any greetings card shop, or talk openly about me and my beloved.
That’s freedom. That’s being able to live my life loving who I choose. You, on the other hand, live in a sexist, racist, disgusting dystopia where ‘freedom’ only extends to the white upper classes. Don’t be fooled. Prop 8 alone should remind you that you’re not free. In my country you can be jailed for inciting hatred toward racial, sexual or religious minorities. Prop 8 itself would be illegal.
Wake up. Fight back. Stop believing the American lie.
“Honestly though, I am fortunate to live in a country and state where the open-minded run free – California, USA. “
And this is where I started crying. I am glad you are fortunate, but I am not. My amazing girlfriend and I don’t live somewhere like California. I realize in Cali you are still fighting for your rights, but you should all find solace in the fact that you are WAY ahead of everyone else in America. I live right smack in the middle of the “Bible Belt”. Good old Oklahoma. Everyday we fight for our right to be together. She is terrified to come out to her peers because about 7 years ago a gay teen was killed by his friends in the small town where she goes to school. Few of them know about us. I am a few years older than her and when I went to a high school in a neighboring city, just slightly larger than her hometown, I was ridiculed, had few friends, was even threatened with rape. There is no help for us here. None worth our time and effort. Slowly and painfully we are learning to stand up and be who we are in the public eye. I know we are young, being 18 and 23, but our love is very innocent and very healing. The way we grew up made us grow up very fast. I have been in the Army for six years. I fought for the war in Iraq and now I am fighting a war in my own country. A secret, harsh, very damaging war. Everyday we have risen above what we were taught. The home we have made together is the first sanctuary either of us have ever had. We work hard and thankfully have a wonderful support system made up of friends and family though we lost many along the way. It’s not enough. Because as soon as we walk out our front door we step into a devastating, hidden war zone. Keep fighting Cali! Maybe your work will someday spread out across America.
Dear Free…
The place you describe sounds like a fairytale fantasy land! You are so right about the so-called freedom we have here. Your country sounds like beauty, true happiness to love your partner without fear.
In our country, California is one of the only states where people are open minded enough to accept gays and lesbians, and still we are fighting for our right to not be treated as ’seperate but equal’. Other countries such as Canada and your country are far more advanced when it comes to these rights.
Thank you for being vocal about this topic because that’s exactly what we need. This is not a problem that the US faces alone, and women are murdered every day world wide for being lesbian.
I hope that we can make a difference with this blog and through sharing our stories with each other. You should become a contributor on this blog, and that way you can share more stories with us about what it’s like to be a lesbian where you are from.
Thanks for the great comment!
Great, great article. Thank you!
“Honestly though, I am fortunate to live in a country and state where the open-minded run free – California, USA.”
Hmmm would never have considered the US as an open-minded run free country… no legalized Les or Gay marriage on the federal level, only a few states that recognize Les/Gay marriage and the US Immigration Act lists Lesbians and Gays as “undesirable aliens” subject to being denied addmission at any border crossing – land, sea and air…
” I live my life like a normal woman even though I’m not straight”…
Now this comment could lead someone to think that only straight women are normal… mayhap you are not as out, open and accepting of your choice in life as you like to think you are?
I live in Canada, one of the few countries in the world that enshrines the rights of Lesbians and Gays in its Human Rights Code and has legalized AND recognized Les/Gay marriage… which means if you have married in another jurisdiction or country the marriage is recognized, with all the same rights and privlidges as hetrosexual marriage… A long, HARD fought battle over more than two decades to gain those rights I might add.
What have you done to ensure the American Lesbian and Gay community enjoys the same rights and privlidges?
To the comment about the UK, I’m sorry, but homophobia is just as rampant there as the US. Perhaps your choice of community diminishes its perceived effect, but it definitely is there. Ask any kid that plays games online anonymously.
Secondly, to play the devil’s advocate, sure you probably get eyeballed when with your gf on the street. And yes, some of this is probably homophobia, but I’d bet that most of it is the same eyeballing that women receive generally – from other women as competitors and from men as attraction. Be wary of letting your clear heterophobia influence the motives you think people have.
Do we need change? Certainly, as mentioned above, prop 8 is a clear example of the problems we face. But it must be through positive interaction with heteros, like rubyred above state, not through diatribes or self-alienation.
Finally, stating that CA is the only open-minded place in the US is incredibly close-minded. After all, its Massachusetts that has more equal rights than CA, and Minneapolis-St. Paul has more GBLT-friendly social services per-capita than CA. Be careful with your words.
“I live my life like a normal woman even though I’m not straight”
This sentence is meant to point out that I am normal, and I am not straight, therefore lesbians can be normal.
“What have you done to ensure the American Lesbian and Gay community enjoys the same rights and privlidges?”
I am trying to do my part by speaking out against the injustices in the world, particularly towards the LGBT community and against lesbophobia.
“Be wary of letting your clear heterophobia influence the motives you think people have.”
I love heteros. Some of my closest friends are hetero. HAHA. All kidding aside, in this article I am not talking about looks that stem from competition and attraction – I am talking about the ones that stem from hatred.
“Do we need change? Certainly, as mentioned above, prop 8 is a clear example of the problems we face. But it must be through positive interaction with heteros, like rubyred above state, not through diatribes or self-alienation.”
Is it considered self-alienation when you are hiding in a closet because you are afraid for your life, or possibly being raped? That’s what lesbians in alot of other countries have to go through. Lesbians in Iraq are being murdered, and even in South Africa where there are ‘equal rights’, lesbophobia still runs free.
“Finally, stating that CA is the only open-minded place in the US is incredibly close-minded. … Be careful with your words”
My comment said California is ONE of the states.
Please remain aware of lesbophobia, many women around the world live in fear of it every day.
great article.
i too live in ca, born and raised. in the months of march thru may i was in tennessee for work, let me tell you, for the first time i realized what discrimination was. i don’t know if it was about my sexuality or my race but i get the “california” statement you made.
to the girl that commented from OK, keep your love strong and continue being who you are, it’s people like you that make changes around them.
I read this post and I am not sure if I am a lesbian or not, but the reason for my comment is that I have been doing a lot of ready on Lesbians. It is so horrible what gays and lesbians have had to go through. If someone does not like your lifestyle they should just leave it alone, if all these negative energy was changed to positive what a great world it would be. So many of these people say they are doing it is the name of Jesus, but didn’t Jesus preach love for all, and didn’t Jesus say judge and be judged? Hold your heads up hi, you have nothing to be shamed about.
I guess I can’t give you any insight on this one… as I know 1000’s of lesbians… who have never beat up a straight girl because she wont have sex with them…
Soooo…. May I suggest you have seen to many womans prison movies… and this has never happened to you either?