Comments on: Let’s Talk About Lesbian Bed Death

By: Crystal

Crystal — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 22:39:43 +0000

This is a great article.. Ive been doing alot of research on “lesbian bed death” and have come to the conclusion that after 4 years, my partner and i are there.. the only issue that i seem to continue running into is that my sex drive is still VERY active, however my partners is not.. shes about 4 years older than me and im wondering if that has something to do with it.. ive tried everything from toys and so on and nothing seems to help.. after reading countless articles and blogs i have yet to run into anyone with the same situation…is there anything else that i can do to get us back to where we were??????????

By: Zztop

Zztop — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 17:38:26 +0000

I have been in my relationship for 10 years. What a wonderful woman I have. We get along fantastic, we like to do a lot of the same things…except for sex. I feel like I am horny almost everyday. My partner, not so much. We are both 43 and I’d like to think we’re pretty healthy. No meds, quit smoking almost 3 years ago. I have never cheated and do not want to or have any intentions to. She knows I have my toys and that’s all. She does not mind them at all. She does work very long hours and sometimes she works 6-7 days a week. (retail manager). The last time we had sex was about 1 year ago. I am thankful for our special times and I enjoy them very much. It is just so hard when they are so few and far between. I guess in my own little perfect world, we’d be having sex 3-4 times a week, the way it was for the longest time.
Just wanted to share my story. I thank everyone for their input and the write of the story itself. Very good read!

By: S D K

S D K — Thu, 25 Oct 2012 19:23:19 +0000

I have been in a Lesbian relationship for 6 years. I started very late in my life, I was 58 when I met this beautiful younger woman, who has helped change my life forever. The first year and a half felt like Heaven. There were a lot of family issues on both sides of our family, but when we were alone everything disappeared, it was just she and I. We couldn’t get enough of each other. Then all of a sudden (or so it felt) she went completely cold on me. She is 8 years younger than I, and we are at the point where I get a light kiss when she gets home from work and another when she goes to bed. I have chosen to move out of our bed, because she gotten very frigid and really doesn’t want me to touch her. I feel very lost. I miss us. She is the only Lesbian relationship I have ever been in, when it was good, it was very good, but when things changed, they have never gone back to where she even wants me to touch her sexually. I am totally blown away and at my age, I don’t think I could let myself even try to find someone who would want to be with me. I don’t even know how to start. I am living in a relationship with someone who, likes my cooking, having an extra pair of hands to help her move something or take care of our dogs. When she is home she likes to be in control of everything we watch on T.V. and hates me trying to talk to her while we watch T.V. I again feel very lost. I desperately want to meet someone who will at least enjoys cuddling and can walk away from a show. I love her, but I fear things will never get better.

By: Amy

Amy — Sat, 22 Sep 2012 04:56:53 +0000

My partner and I have been together for almost 2 yrs and this has become a serious issue for me. We are about to start home insemination and want a family. I love her deeply and its the best relationship I have ever had (minus the death of our sex life)… I am 37 and she 26. you would think it would be me not interested but it not. Im not okay with a sexless exsistance. Im at a loss because she doesnt even want to discuss it. Just says she is tired and doesnt feel like it. Somethings got to give or my shower head and I maybe force into an intense secret affair…

By: c.s.

c.s. — Sat, 15 Sep 2012 14:06:12 +0000

i’m surprised that no one has talked with a really modern minded female gynecologist. when i spoke with mine she suggested testosterone ointment which works like a charm. lets you know there’s still life down there. she also suggested and prescribed viagra which was also great and gave said life a kick start! who says these meds are just for men only? i am 62, postmenopausal, had hysterectomy and chemo for 8 months and i still love my ointment and my partner of 14 years.

By: MM

MM — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 15:51:23 +0000

If we are all ending up here at this site on this blog, then we are suffering already, sexless is just not okay, at least not for me. But time and time again in my life…… starts out hot and steamy and fades within 2 years………….ugh over and over, not to say sometimes other things made the union go toxic. But now in love, crazy deep love 6 years, with someone that I want to stay forever with. But they are a bit older,have been through the change, they take HRT which helps with alot………..except sex physically that is I am told they think about it durning the day while at work:( does not help me lol. thought I would do some reading on this subject wow there is alot to be read, but its the same ole’ story over and over…………feels like a curse to me, since I am bi and have seen this happen, with men as well, but I will say this, it’s less emotional for me with men so that might be the difference. Just frustrating, to be in the best ever in the prime of my life and her’s, and have this issue to even think about……….bummer!!

By: Jill

Jill — Wed, 06 Jun 2012 13:48:09 +0000

I think a big part of lesbian bed death is attributed to medications. How many of us are on some kind of meds? I can honestly say out of every five lesbians I know, 4 of them are on either an anti-depressant or an anxiety medication. Most of this depression and anxiety is caused by the cruel world we live in. It’s not easy being outside the norm, especially in a small town where the ONE gay bar is hated and targeted. Plus, dealing with family (catholic), and closed minded people all around you is a real bummer.
So yeah, lesbian bed death does occur in some relationships. It’s the side effect of the meds, but hey, I’d rather be happy than satisfied! Lol!

By: fran

fran — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 20:54:41 +0000

I have read so much about lesbian bed death. and I realize that it is true for some couples, I am one of those couples, after 12 years of being together and our sex life has dwindled to nothing. I am fed up and have ended the relationship many times over this. when I confront my partner she always has an excuse valid or not. I am not dead sexually and thinking about taking on a lover who can give me the romantic attention i deserve. and too boot we are both past the menopause stage, we have always had very different libidos. when we talk about this it is always ends up in a fight and me storming out.
what to do, what to do, what to do.

By: Indigo

Indigo — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 03:32:29 +0000

Amen sista!

By: jac

jac — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 04:23:28 +0000

It’s true, we have killed a few beds, but they died happily.

By: Jo Mead

Jo Mead — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 04:39:26 +0000

Glad to see there are other lesbians also discussing bed death. I raised the matter in a Pink Sofa forum recently and copped a barage of defensive commentary from women happy in their long-term sexless relationships for daring to suggest that human sexuality has the potential to develop with age and that we needn’t accept as inevitable that our relationships must become sexless. At least the issue is being aired. It troubles me, as a lesbian who would like to have a long-term relationship in which sex remains an active expression of intimacy, that the acceptance of lesbian bed death as inevitable is so pervasive, to the point that most lesbians I know would not think to seek relationship counselling or any other form of professional help to rekindle sexual passion within their relationship. Rather than find explainations that reinforce the idea that lesbian bed death is natural and inevitable, I want to find others who refute this poisonous notion. After all, how many otherwise happy lesbian relationships end essentially because the sex has dried up?

By: Faith Bosworth

Faith Bosworth — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 13:08:49 +0000

2009 is the year to talk about bed death! On we go!

By: knowledge

knowledge — Mon, 04 May 2009 22:13:56 +0000

Good article and very informative view. I also agree about being active and getting your adrenaline flowing and the blood rushing. It can be exhilirating. A good endorphin rush can go a long way… if you know what I mean.

By: Adele House

Adele House — Sat, 02 May 2009 17:01:33 +0000

Nice article, Julie. I think your argument is sound and your personal experience is valuable. I posted a short article on the same topic yesterday at Examiner.com. Keep up the great work!

By: Rakefet Abergel

Rakefet Abergel — Sat, 02 May 2009 15:48:34 +0000

RT @lezgetreal: Let’s Talk About Lesbian Bed Death: If you’re not familiar with the term, lesbian b.. http://tinyurl.com/cfj9n9

By: lezgetreal

lezgetreal — Sat, 02 May 2009 12:46:33 +0000

Now on LGR: Let’s Talk About Lesbian Bed Death: If you’re not familiar with the term, lesbian b.. http://tinyurl.com/cfj9n9

By: lezgetreal

lezgetreal — Sat, 02 May 2009 12:46:33 +0000

Now on LGR: Let’s Talk About Lesbian Bed Death: If you’re not familiar with the term, lesbian b.. http://tinyurl.com/cfj9n9