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Damsel in Distress

Warning: This Post Contains Mature Content. Discretion advised.

I was once on this forum, on OKCupid, entitled “BDSM and your childhood.” I got the impression that the person who started the forum was close-minded, about the subject matter at hand, from their comments. I believe they created this forum solely to make us ashamed of our already guilty-but-oh-so-good-pleasures. However, everyone, minus the said person, managed to make the forum interesting despite the reasoning behind its inception. Quite few folks posted about the signs of their interest in BDSM from their childhood. I, for instance, had a thing about being tied up. I would tie myself up and pretend to be the damsel in distress and someone would come and rescue me. Unfortunately, I’m an only child and most times I was playing this fantasy out by myself. Some of my fantasies came from TV shows and soap opera plots, this is where I got my good ‘kidnapping/damsel in distress’ ideas for the fantasies I’d play out with my imaginary friends because there wasn’t any kids in the neighborhood to play with. On one occasion, I had this long rope of sequins from a dance costume that I had decided to tie around my throat. Unfortunately, I got a knot in it that I couldn’t get out and had to get my Mom to help me untie it! I told her that I was using it as a necklace and it got tangled up while I was playing. When I did have friends around to play with, most just wanted to play Barbie. Sometimes we’d tie up Barbie and pretend that she was a hostage and another Barbie or Ken would come, beat up the ‘bad guy’ and rescue her.

In high school, my friends Michelle and Jen turned me on to Ann Rice’s “Sleeping Beauty” novels written under the pseudonym, A. N. Roquelaure. It was the closest us teens could get to porn. They don’t teach BDSM in sex ed, we barely got what constituted as sex ed in sex ed. We’d whisper about the plot of the “Sleeping Beauty” trilogy to other friends who didn’t know about our naughty reading pleasure. To an outsider we probably looked like a bunch of geeks pouring over certain passages and passing books to each other in class.

I once dated a woman I had high hopes for in the kinky department. She worked for a sex toy company. This was information she let slip on our first date! She told everyone she met about it and the assortment of items that they sold. I had high hopes that she was keeping samples of the product at her home. Turns out she was pretty vanilla compared to me. The thing is, I don’t really know how to ask for it, though I did kind of mention things I’m into. The one time we had sex was good, but I was really hoping for a little something more. I had mentioned it to some people on a BDSM forum: how does one go about asking for it without potentially scaring the crap out of your partner? Their advice is the conversation has to happen, when your comfortable with the person. Or you just get lucky (no pun intended) and meet someone who mentions it first. If everyone I dated could have the sexual prowess of this one woman I dated, I wouldn’t have this problem. While personality wise we didn’t fit, the sex was pretty damn good. She was the type of gal who probably owned at least one of everything from the local sex toy shop. She had quite the selection stored in a box under her bed. There wasn’t a place, or time that was inappropriate when it came to sex. There wasn’t a position she wouldn’t try!

Sometimes I think to myself, well how much do I need it? Could I just settle for someone who has vanilla sex if they have a good personality? Would that be enough? Personality does matter however, I really really like sex. Its a condrum. Its not because I feel I need to be dominated or dominate someone. I didn’t have any weird things happen to me sexually when I was younger. I just think it makes sex more interesting and exciting. I don’t know if I could settle for just plain, regular sex all the time, maybe every once in awhile. Its like being in the grocery store and they don’t have your favorite flavor, but your really jonzing for some ice cream so you just go for the next best thing. However, I’m not convinced that sex should be that way.