14 Responses to Part One: ANOTHER American Exiled! – UAFA Now or 1,666 years of Stories-

1. 

   John Reply

   January 10, 2010 at 5:40 pm

   American and Russian in 13 year relationship. We met in DC 13 years ago, while he had an art exhibit here in a Russian American Art exchange. We kept in touch for a year until I moved over there. I lived there in Moscow with him for 5 years until we came back here. We live in DC now and we both want to stay here. Also, I am from here. Went through getting different visas in order for him to stay here. Now his company that he works for might not exist soon. On the visa he has now, the only way that he can stay is by working for this specific company. If the company doesnt exist anymore, well. then he cant stay.
   Anyone else have this problem in or around DC.
   Looking to talk to some lesbian binational couples in the area that are having the same problem
2. 

   Lynn Norris Webb Reply

   December 28, 2009 at 6:22 am

   Like so many stories about bi-National couples, I sadly leave the USA today December 28 2009) for my homeland of England. But this time I take with me my wonderful (soon to be) Husbutch.
   The reader may well ask why we have to leave and go to England, well let me explain. Like so many lesbians who fall in love, I clearly (according to the USA) fell in love with the wrong nationality. You see, who are the government to dicatate who you fall in love with, and who dictates how many visits I can make to be with my partner, And hence I have out stayed my welcome in the USA by 2 years. So we decided to go to the UK where we can be legally joined in a civil union, and then perhaps be granted the right to stay under a permanent visa.
   Let me tell you, I am a woman of independent means, no drain on the US economy, and have no desire to seek work, I have helped set my partner up in a legitimate business, (no selling drugs here) and together we have forged many friends, who all cannot understand our plight.
   I have been in contact with lawyers here in the Carolina’s to see if in some way we can make a legal challenge if we were to get married in one of those wonderful states that recognises equality for all. And sadly all say the same, it’s too soon yet to make a challenge, and Oh by the way North Carolina will possibly never recognise or vote for Gay marriage..
   Will this country ever come to it’s senses, and understand love knows no boundaries, or color, Will it ever acknowledge that gay people matter too? I always felt that America was very liberal on it’s views, but I have been proven wrong by an archaic government, A supreme court full of fossils and a country baffled by the fact that DNA runs through us all. And that includes Lesbians. You see there is proof that we have no choice about being who we are, we just ARE. Just like heterosexuals, they do not choose to be heterosexuals, THEY JUST ARE.
   I am hoping that within 6 months, homeland security will allow me and Dana to come back into this country, and that by that time the UAFA will be a pass, and that we can apply to stay here legally with our chosen spouses.
   I will stand with the rest of the so called foreigners in this USofA and call for President Obama to make good on his promises, and will personally write him when I can do so with no risk of deportation, and that is when I am safely home in the UK
   God bless you all who fight this battle, and I hope that with prayer we can survive our battles.

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4. 

   Gerry Reply

   December 21, 2009 at 5:22 pm

   Hi Melanie,
   I like your website here as it’s pretty informative. I sometimes write on the immigration equality blog, but they sometimes delete my blog entry, and I feel frustrated by that organization as I feel they should be doing more. I’m not a girl or that, but me and my partner have the same problems as binational lesbian couples in America. I hope that this healthcare reform bill will be finally sorted out so they can start working on other things. I was supportive of the immigration reform, but I’m disgusted that we were not included in the bill, but I hope we will be soon. I wish UAFA would have a chance of passing, but I don’t understand why there is so few cosponsors. Anyway, does anyone out there have an educated guess on when gay Americans will be able to sponsor their foreign born partner? I’ve been living in the US legally with my American partner for over 3 years now, but our time is running out as I’m only here as a student. I wish the USA was more like my home country, the UK, who have been allowing gay people to sponsor their partners for 4 years. I guess that we are lucky as I will be able to sponsor my partner for Immigration to the UK, but it won’t be easy for us to make that move there.
   • 

     Melanie Nathan

     December 21, 2009 at 6:09 pm

     Gerry, I really appreciate your comments. Yes this is aterrible situation. Immigration equality does not publish my comments either – so do not take it personally- just understand that they do not like anyone to think that the actual binationals who ARE suffering the suffering in reality get no help from them, no referrals, no support and the lobbying strategies that they employ around the legsialtion we need falls short of involving the community. They do provide referrals for Asylum cases to outside pro bono attorneys and then tout the wins as their victories. However they do not take on cases such as Shirley Tans and others whom they believe are losing cases. In fact often those cases do not make it past a basic screening. So it has left thousands feeling quite resentful.

     The part that bothers me is they tout the work of others as their victories, including the quote in the People Magazine Article by Rachel Tiven. They have got a lot of fundraising miles out of it, include a fundrasing conference call held by Tiven just today. The truth of that article is that Cindi Creager of GLAAD called me with the name of the person who wrote the article. Cindi made the initial contact with PEOPLE for me about the Shirley Tan story and then I pitched the Article and worked with its Author Susan Young to get it done. I gave Susan IE’s information for a quote.
     Right now there is a strong grass root lpobby out of the trealm of Immigration equality who are pushing for UAFA as a stan alone bill. We need more people like you to tell your stories. I invite anyone who wants to be featured on this site to email me and we will tell your story anonymously and then pitch your story to the public, the press and Congress. Contact for this purpose is nathan@privatecourts.com
5. 

   ZoeO Reply

   December 21, 2009 at 6:47 am

   I am in Europe now, enjoying an extended holiday with my partner who cannot return to the States again until Homeland Security deems it reasonable. We are hoping that a year will be the considered a suitable timeframe for her to return. Having just peaked my head out of my own personal cloud of happiness I now discover the disappointing news that we weren’t included in Gutierrez’s bill. I visited his DC office on November 12th as part of a day-long lobby effort on behalf of the UAFA. At that time I was assured by his staffer that LGBT inclusion was something high on his list and that we would not be forgotten. But I am not at all surprised that we were left out because, like you, I have always doubted that CIR is the way to go for us. I still believe it will be a quagmire — another 3-ring circus as Health Care Reform turned into — and that we won’t find sympathy there but instead we’ll be sacrificed in CIR. Now people get proof of this and hopefully it will open their eyes. It is only through strong support of the free-standing UAFA bill that there is a chance for success and we must put all our efforts into the UAFA. Even if and when DOMA is repealed the UAFA will still be necessary because we will not, all of a sudden, be married couples and even if we were, DOMA will not be understood to have solved our problems. We need the UAFA. This is an equality issue for LGBT Americans much more than it is an immigration issue. It needs to be recognized and articulated on that basis. It is actually less controversial when understood as an equality issue. Immigration will always be contentious. Let’s try to stay out of it. But neither does that mean that we should attack immigration bills. That won’t serve us and it would hurt immigrants. What is the point in doing that?

   I visited 11 senators offices in DC in November; had scheduled meetings in 8 of them (that’s important) and did 3 walk-ins (which is pretty much a waste of time). I am now in the process of asking for a new batch of appts. for my second round in January. I hope to go again in Feb. and possibly, if I can afford it, in March (each trip sets me back approx. $500). I am glad to see you are recommending that people get themselves to DC and make their cases individually. It is a powerful thing to do. I was told by several staffers that it is not form letters but visits and presentations such as mine that make an impression and go a long way to adding perspective to issues. It is very important that people call on elected officials and their staffers. And it is a terrific experience I’d recommend to everyone.

   I’d like to give you a little more information about my presentation to congress. Is about how this is an equality matter rather than an immigration issue because I am an American who isn’t being treated equal under the law: I should have the right to sponsor my partner and I shouldn’t have to wait for 12-20 million immigrants to be adjusted and are set on the path to citizenship either! I am a citizen now and deserve my rights before they get theirs. This is not about my partner’s right to come to the USA. If it were, that would be an immigration matter. It is important to phrase things in a way that helps staffers understand what we are asking for and the equality argument sheds a different light on the situation. I was complimented on the effectiveness of the presentation and told that support for the UAFA would be pitched to the senators in this new light. I have a 50+ page presentation that I leave them with in hard copy and on disc. I am tweaking it now to include such updates as the facts that we now have a new senator since Arlen Specter signed on (& btw: he signed on exactly one week after I visited his office); and that even Catholic Ireland is now ahead of us in the area of human rights (next month, Jan 2010, they will have civil unions that provide the right to sponsor partners).

   There is something else I think that is not helping us and that is the entire gay marriage thing. It remains controversial and will not happen anytime soon in America – not on a federal basis. Yes, it may happen slowly through the States but that could go on for decades. I think if civil unions were promoted we could more easily get our sponsorship rights, as is happening in Catholic Ireland now. People associate marriage with religious traditions and that is not going to change anytime soon. Even some gay people who are not involved in religion, such as Anna and myself, have problems with the idea of gay marriage for this reason. And there is yet another reason why marriage does not appeal to us and others like us: some gay and lesbian people have no interest in proving that we are “just like” the neighbors; we see our commitment to each other as something different vs. maintaining the status quo. The institution of marriage and the idea of being someone’s “wife” and all that it traditionally implies has never held any fascination for us. We don’t want to be part of an institution. It is ironic to us that while we have no interest in marriage we would have to marry just to prove our commitment (in a world that doesn’t recognize love outside of marriage) so that we could be together. Thus, we would marry for the government if that is what we need to do to be together. If all of this is so complicated for us, just imagine how complicated it is for most straight people who don’t want to let us marry! And they aren’t going to any time soon either. Civil unions no one “minds” or objects to, or at least it is usually less objectionable. Civil unions should be sought, not gay marriage. Civil unions and passage of the UAFA. Those are modest, reasonable things to pursue and they would give us everything we want and need which is simply equality under the law. Period. Forget the weddings and forget CIR! We need a bill to grant full equality through federally recognized civil unions. And this is something President Obama has stated that he would be in favor of.

   Lastly, I want to add that 1) no one should be considering attacking ANY immigration bills. It does a disservice to all, helps none; and 2) until the law changes, American partners should be more willing to go live in the country of their foreign partners or find a third country because to stay in the States alone when you have someone who loves you makes you a victim. Don’t let the government victimize you! It’s a great adventure to go live in another culture. Go have an adventure! America is not the only place to be and our partners should not be the only ones asked to make the adjustment of leaving their homeland. All through history people have left their country to follow their fate when love takes them elsewhere. Don’t stay home, alone, without love, and complain. Leave the States, have love in your life, and continue to make your voice heard back in the States, for the change in the law that will let you return as a couple one day in the future. If you’ll even want to come back. You may find you like it elsewhere. The world has a lot to offer. This struggle should be proof enough to you that life in America is not necessarily the answer.
6. 

   Melanie Nathan Reply

   December 21, 2009 at 12:21 am

   I want to thank all the readers who have sent me personal e-mails on this piece, befriended me on facebook. If you are comfortable doing so, I would urge you to all put some of your comments or repeat your e-mails here. They are moving and poignant – each and everyone. The purpose of my writing is to expose how you all feel about this. Nonetheless no matter what you commment here you have to all know how much I appreciate your support – it keeps me at it! Mel
7. 

   Carla Reply

   December 20, 2009 at 9:27 pm

   Mel

   Oh boy this was amazing, and as you know we are in the same circumstance.. Writing the stories must help.. I am here to assist in whatever way I can as we continue on our fight.. Yours Carla

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