The part that bothers me is they tout the work of others as their victories, including the quote in the People Magazine Article by Rachel Tiven. They have got a lot of fundraising miles out of it, include a fundrasing conference call held by Tiven just today. The truth of that article is that Cindi Creager of GLAAD called me with the name of the person who wrote the article. Cindi made the initial contact with PEOPLE for me about the Shirley Tan story and then I pitched the Article and worked with its Author Susan Young to get it done. I gave Susan IE’s information for a quote.
Right now there is a strong grass root lpobby out of the trealm of Immigration equality who are pushing for UAFA as a stan alone bill. We need more people like you to tell your stories. I invite anyone who wants to be featured on this site to email me and we will tell your story anonymously and then pitch your story to the public, the press and Congress. Contact for this purpose is nathan@privatecourts.com

I visited 11 senators offices in DC in November; had scheduled meetings in 8 of them (that’s important) and did 3 walk-ins (which is pretty much a waste of time). I am now in the process of asking for a new batch of appts. for my second round in January. I hope to go again in Feb. and possibly, if I can afford it, in March (each trip sets me back approx. $500). I am glad to see you are recommending that people get themselves to DC and make their cases individually. It is a powerful thing to do. I was told by several staffers that it is not form letters but visits and presentations such as mine that make an impression and go a long way to adding perspective to issues. It is very important that people call on elected officials and their staffers. And it is a terrific experience I’d recommend to everyone.

I’d like to give you a little more information about my presentation to congress. Is about how this is an equality matter rather than an immigration issue because I am an American who isn’t being treated equal under the law: I should have the right to sponsor my partner and I shouldn’t have to wait for 12-20 million immigrants to be adjusted and are set on the path to citizenship either! I am a citizen now and deserve my rights before they get theirs. This is not about my partner’s right to come to the USA. If it were, that would be an immigration matter. It is important to phrase things in a way that helps staffers understand what we are asking for and the equality argument sheds a different light on the situation. I was complimented on the effectiveness of the presentation and told that support for the UAFA would be pitched to the senators in this new light. I have a 50+ page presentation that I leave them with in hard copy and on disc. I am tweaking it now to include such updates as the facts that we now have a new senator since Arlen Specter signed on (& btw: he signed on exactly one week after I visited his office); and that even Catholic Ireland is now ahead of us in the area of human rights (next month, Jan 2010, they will have civil unions that provide the right to sponsor partners).

There is something else I think that is not helping us and that is the entire gay marriage thing. It remains controversial and will not happen anytime soon in America – not on a federal basis. Yes, it may happen slowly through the States but that could go on for decades. I think if civil unions were promoted we could more easily get our sponsorship rights, as is happening in Catholic Ireland now. People associate marriage with religious traditions and that is not going to change anytime soon. Even some gay people who are not involved in religion, such as Anna and myself, have problems with the idea of gay marriage for this reason. And there is yet another reason why marriage does not appeal to us and others like us: some gay and lesbian people have no interest in proving that we are “just like” the neighbors; we see our commitment to each other as something different vs. maintaining the status quo. The institution of marriage and the idea of being someone’s “wife” and all that it traditionally implies has never held any fascination for us. We don’t want to be part of an institution. It is ironic to us that while we have no interest in marriage we would have to marry just to prove our commitment (in a world that doesn’t recognize love outside of marriage) so that we could be together. Thus, we would marry for the government if that is what we need to do to be together. If all of this is so complicated for us, just imagine how complicated it is for most straight people who don’t want to let us marry! And they aren’t going to any time soon either. Civil unions no one “minds” or objects to, or at least it is usually less objectionable. Civil unions should be sought, not gay marriage. Civil unions and passage of the UAFA. Those are modest, reasonable things to pursue and they would give us everything we want and need which is simply equality under the law. Period. Forget the weddings and forget CIR! We need a bill to grant full equality through federally recognized civil unions. And this is something President Obama has stated that he would be in favor of.

Lastly, I want to add that 1) no one should be considering attacking ANY immigration bills. It does a disservice to all, helps none; and 2) until the law changes, American partners should be more willing to go live in the country of their foreign partners or find a third country because to stay in the States alone when you have someone who loves you makes you a victim. Don’t let the government victimize you! It’s a great adventure to go live in another culture. Go have an adventure! America is not the only place to be and our partners should not be the only ones asked to make the adjustment of leaving their homeland. All through history people have left their country to follow their fate when love takes them elsewhere. Don’t stay home, alone, without love, and complain. Leave the States, have love in your life, and continue to make your voice heard back in the States, for the change in the law that will let you return as a couple one day in the future. If you’ll even want to come back. You may find you like it elsewhere. The world has a lot to offer. This struggle should be proof enough to you that life in America is not necessarily the answer.

Oh boy this was amazing, and as you know we are in the same circumstance.. Writing the stories must help.. I am here to assist in whatever way I can as we continue on our fight.. Yours Carla