02/26/2010- by Natasia Langfelder
If someone had ever told me that one day I would be involved in a blog off with Tammy Lynn Michaels (Etheridge?) I would have told them they were crazy. But that appears to be where I am now. Last week I posted an article that displayed excerpts of Tammy’s blog, as they were extremely negative and had induced speculation about whether or not she and Melissa were breaking up. tammy responded to me…in VERSE. Click on her name to see the entire blog post about me. Tammy has taken down the blog, but not before diligent Melissa Etheridge fans had saved it and sent it to me.
My first reaction to it was shock. Tammy reads my posts! But actually, it was a little disturbing. It is no surprise that she removed it as it makes her look crazy. Which really proves the point I was trying to make in my post in the first place. As one of the commenters said, “get a private journal.” I don’t know a lot about Tammy, but I never knew she was so out there. I always figured her and Melissa were normal. I have a serious response to her and a more lighthearted one.
Tammy, the message I was trying to send across in that post is that you were bringing media speculation upon yourself and your partner. In the end, I don’t care about your relationship, but there are tons of people who do. There are fans (yours, Melissa’s, both) who are genuinely upset by your thinly veiled attacks on your partner. These women are invested in you both as a couple. It’s not silly and it’s not a joke. You represent that LBQ women can be successful and in love and beautiful. They were the ones that brought your blogs to the attention of LGR writers and they are the ones that you keep guessing. And they are guessing, there are certain Melissa message boards that have banned discussion and speculation of your blog content. I’m sure you know this. The media will have moved onto another story, but your fans, the people who keep you rich and famous won’t. If you truly value them, don’t keep them guessing.
Also, I’m not invisible. I’m not a nameless faceless blogger who exists only to attack people. My full name is on each one of my posts, my picture is on the website. I keep comments enabled for all my posts, so that people can tell me how much they love me or hate me. The last time I checked, you don’t have comments enabled on yours. I’m much more touchable by my readers than you are. I’ve been called every name in the book. I write because I love to write and I have an opinion. In your post, you insult my credentials. No, I don’t have a journalism degree from Columbia. I have a NYC public school education. I was lucky enough to have teachers that cared about me and taught me how to read, write and most importantly, think critically.
I think you are a beautiful woman and I respect you for defending yourself, but I’m not attracted to you. Sorry, female desire is a fickle thing.
Ok enough with the serious. Time for the fun, read my line by line reaction to Tammy’s love poem to me! (I’m in Italics)
we don’t know each other do we?
(there is no way this lady is talking to me)
i don’t know you
and you don’t know me
(this is so not me)
we don’t have to act
like you know
what i’m saying
hoping to get out of you
(unless it makes you feel
more important to report
on my alleged inner feelings and
(um…maybe this is a message for me! In VERSE! Tammy is writing me poetry! Holy Crap! This is so exciting! She reads my posts!)
the last thing i need
is a stranger’s affection – sympathy
thank you though
the offer was thoughtful
and came from a warm place
(Your welcome! Oh yeah, totally a warm place.)
i like to be optimistic
(Me too! We have so much in common yay!)
you sit behind your screen
and anonymous nickname
hmmm- who needs big girl panties?
(haha yeah, that big girl panty thing was pretty funny. I crack myself up! And I crack up Tammy Lynn! This is going well! See commenters, she likes me! All is well)
not me- you know who i am
where i am
and all of my names
(O yeah, I don’t know if you hypen or not, so really I’m not quite sure. I’m thinking of wikipedia-ing you to find out and now that we like each other, maybe I will try to find out more about your life story or something. Maybe we can be friends!)
IS wearing big girl panties
big girl thongs, in fact
thongs that ride way far up into
my dark hole bizz-ness
big girl thongs
i like ‘em
cuz then you can floss
when you’re done eating
(AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. noooooooooooooooooooo really? Are you hitting on me?)
strangers don’t know facts.
hence: a stranger. and not
a family member or friend
(ouchies. whatev, you blog like a Rosie O’Donnell wannabe on crack)
i read what was sent to me
a pompous, silly, trite,
immature, presumptuous gossip
about some fantasies of me….
(much like what we used to send out
in 6th grade
only it took us until senior year
to forget about it
it wasn’t true after all)
and i wondered if what you really want
is for me to MAIL you a pair
of my big girl panties?
(huh? wait, NO. You ARE hitting on me! Jeez..for the love of…don’t mail me your panties! I TAKE IT BACK I’M SORRY JUST KEEP YOUR PANTIES ON. I’ll leave you alone I SWEAR)
you want me.
(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH nooooo I’m engaged!! I love my girlfriend! YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY MOTHER!)
all that meanness you wrote-
you want me.
you’re just one of those people
who abuse others
and think they’ll climb in bed with you.
i have changed!!!
(ooo did you used to be a slut? That’s really interesting, I should really wiki you. Is that why Melissa fans don’t like you?)
ah, strangers who call themselves bloggers.
can’t live with ‘em
can’t live without ‘em
(Does that mean you like me?)
but they do get noisy
especially when they get bored
and feel invisible
and want my panties.
(help help! I don’t want your panties, I’m sorry!)
god bless you
(did I sneeze? IS SHE WATCHING ME?)
as you guess
(umm…bendicion?…I really don’t want your panties, just FYI. I completely regret saying that now as the image of your hairy dark moist chocolate starfish is now searing into my corneas…does this mean you don’t like me?)