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Melissa Etheridge Co-Hosts the View: Recap!

06/24/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

Melissa Etheridge co-hosted the View yesterday. The View has had a slew of guest hosts as regular Whoopi Goldberg has been away and Barbara Walters was somewhere else. I really don’t know or care. I’m just covering this for the Melissa fans! Or the Tammy fans, considering that conservative Elizabeth Hasslebeck sat in the moderator’s chair and that always makes the sparks fly.

Melissa chatted with the other ladies as well as guests David Spade, Virginia Madsen and Macy Gray. The ladies talked about the tv show the Bachelor, Elizabeth is waging a war on it officially you guys! OOOOmggggzzzz. Yay jokes about lesbians not having sex often! Which is totally untrue for Melissa. You know she has never gone more than a day without sex, I would go so far as to say she hasn’t gone more than 2 hours without sex.

Then the ladies talked about General McChrystal. Sherri Shepard actually said something smart! She thinks McChrystal should have shut up. It’s probably the smartest thing that has ever come out of her mouth. The dumbest thing she said was yesterday, when she said that closeted black men are responsible for AIDS. Read GLAAD’s great article about it HERE. Melissa Etheridge agrees with Elizabeth, McChrystal should be able to call the President a dummy.

Then they talk about Jerry Seinfeld calling Lady Gaga a jerk. Elizabeth Hassbeck thinks he’s hilarious! Yay for calling women a jerk! Behar thinks Seinfeld is getting crotchety. I agree. Melissa talks about her 13 year old daughter and how she loves Lady Gaga and that Lady Gaga is a persona, she’s a game. Which is exactly the point of Lady Gaga. Melissa says she is happy she got into the game 20 years ago, because she doesn’t think she could have made it now.

They talk about some homophobe and Melissa says the Gay community doesn’t have an agenda because we are all too different. Then they talk about the Virgin Mary being engaged or married and either living in a barn or getting a hotel barn. What?  

Them Elizabeth asks whether Obama has really done anything for the gay community , ie don’t ask don’t tell, or is it just talk? Melissa says, “What happened to Elizabeth!?!” Melissa, Elizabeth is just going to use you as a tool to bitch about the President. Melissa doesn’t walk into the trap. She says something and yet says nothing. Behar says Obama could do it with a stroke of his pen and it’s frustrating. Melissa says they talk about it and don’t do anything but the gays get thrown under the bus. Sheppard says Obama’s not a magician and he can’t do everything at once, but she bows to Melissa’s expertise on this topic as Melissa is a big muff diving muff diver and therefore is an expert in all things carpet munching and speaks for all carpet munchers. (I know I’m poetic, it’s a gift)

David Spade is here! He has seen Lady Gaga once at a party and makes a lame joke. He thinks she shouldn’t have been put in Seinfeld’s box at the game. Riveting television. He went out with Heather Locklear! Wow! He did not date Padma Lakshmi, thank goodness. Padma will remain untainted and can keep dating controversial novelists. He says women are attracted to him because he has a job. Are women attracted to funny men? Maybe, Spade didn’t date in high school or college, not until he was on a tv show. He is promoting his new movie, Grown Ups. Which I do want to see. Apparently it was a fun set. They wish Chris Farley could have been in the movie. Aw. Melissa doesn’t say much and that’s why you are all reading right?

Now it’s Virginia Madsen’s turn. She has some movie coming out. I like her because she was on an episode of the Dog Whisperer with her son and they were adorable. Melissa doesn’t say a lot and looks kind of awkward, poor thing. She can’t seem to dive in over the other women to get a question in. The other women have more experience talking over each other. They talk about Virginia’s documentary with her mother and Melissa has something in her eye. Not a tear, I mean, like literally. The documentary looks totally cool. Ertha Kitt is in it! Melissa rubs Joy Behar again (she did it earlier too). Now crazy Macy Gray is going to perform. She seems less crazy today, good for her. Melissa gets a question in! She’s a fan of Macy and asks her what her new album is about. They bond over their kids. The album is about something that I can’t understand. Melissa appreciates whatever the album is about even though no one said what it was about. Macy loves Melissa too. Wouldn’t it be awesome if Melissa sang with her? Well too bad chickies, it ain’t gonna happen.  Melissa gives a little halfhearted ‘woo’ and Macy sings. The song is positive and uplifting. I really didn’t think this was going to be the best part of the show, but it is. Sheri is now singing. Noooo.

Fun fact: The View is only 38 minutes when you watch it online and an hour when you watch it on tv. That’s a lot of commercials.

Alright, I’m officially never covering this show again. It’s too stupid even for me and I love stupid. You are all on your own! You can catch the full episode HERE if my recap wasn’t enough View for you.

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