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The Real L Word Recap: Episode 2

06/28/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

Welcome to the recap of ‘The Real L Word’ episode 2! This week is just as full of real lesbian drama as last week, so let’s get to it.

Apparently each episode is going to start with the ladies being asked a question and answering it, reality TV show style. This week they ask them what kind of lesbian they are. Nikki says she is a lipstick lesbian, proving she is the straightest gay person in the world; I’ve never met a femme who called herself a lipstick. Then Nikki says she can be butch too, depending on the day. Tracy is a lesbian like anybody else, she likes women. Good answer, Tracy. Rose is a renaissance lesbian, which I’m assuming means she really likes dressing up in old timey clothes and eating various meats off sticks. Jill says the terms are new to her, she’s learning as she goes. Meaning…she’s never been with a woman before. Cut to Tracy asking herself, “What kind of fucking lesbian am I?” My answer: One that should be in the Victoria Secret catalogue. Mikey is a ‘Mikey lesbian’ and there should be more out there. She cracks me up. Whitney is the only one who can really answer the question; she is a hard femme/soft butch. Jill says ‘you don’t ask straight people what kind of straight they are?’ Actually, sometimes you do. Every heard of tomboys, girlie girls or drama queens? Straight women categorize themselves all the time. Also, who says gay people have to be exactly like straight people? Something tells me Jill is going to be a real pain in the ass in this episode.

So back to Whitney, she says she ‘didn’t mean to circle the airport and pick up another girl after dropping off Sarah! It just panned out that way!” uuhh huuuh. We learn that Tor, the new girl, moved out to LA to do hair and also because she thinks her and Whitney are going to be together. Tor left behind her family, friends and job for Whitney. She is moving in with Whitney until she finds a job. Tor is also the cousin of Alyssa, Whitney’s ex-girlfriend, best friend and business partner. If my cousin ever fucked one of my ex’s I would kill someone. Whitney is making u-haul jokes, which are pretty apt. Tor was in a relationship with a man for 9 years and then she met Whitney and had feelings for her. Tor has hooked up with girls, but she has feelings for Whitney. Alyssa wants things to work out for Tor and Whitney, but she is worried her little cousin will get her heart broken. Alyssa tried to rub off makeup or a hickey from Whitney’s face. Sigh.

Mikey is up next, she tells us she grew up in a rough part of LA, when she was a kid her best friend got shot and died right next to her. So she’s happy about where she is now, in the fashion industry. Then she works a little. It’s great to see an industrious lesbian, but do you really want to read about what she details? Me neither.

Tracy is hanging out with Stamie (pronounced Stay me, what the hell kind of name is that?) and her three kids. Tracy is basically living with Stamie and co-parenting with her. We learn that Stamie’s kids named are Daughtry, Niko and Jagger. Seriously, Daughtry. Jagger is special needs, she has Williams disease. Sad, but he is in good hands with Tracy, Stamie and the ex who will love and appreciate him.  Stamie realizes that if Tracy ever really thought about their relationship, she would run from their house. Stamie says she would have to “stop her with my vehicle.” It’s funny, but in a creepy way, which basically sums up Stamie’s personality. They spend the day playing with the kids and it looks exhausting. They put the kids to bed and have some alone time. Stamie tells Tracy she looks pretty, no shit Sherlock. Watching these two together, you really have to wonder if Tracy is with Stamie in spite of the kids or because of the kids. My money is on because of the kids.

Nikki and Jill: Nikki is an agent and television producer. Jill is a writer and they are working on a few projects together. One of these is “Sexual Fluidity,” about men and women who fall in love with someone in spite of their gender. Lisa Diamond is the author and she is meeting with Nikki and Jill. Nikki says she’s not bisexual because she falls in love with the person versus the gender. Okay, I need to slow this down because it’s too stupid to let slide. 1) That is the argument bisexuals have been using for years. 2) It’s really insulting, so other lesbians fall in love with the vadge and not the person? And straight women are in love with the penis and not the man? So not true. Jill thinks that her ‘gray area’ of loving the person and not the gender is the place to be. It just sounds disingenuous to me. 3) What the hell is wrong with being bisexual? If you are bisexual Jill, just say so. If you like men and women, it’s ok. The real obstacle here is that Jill doesn’t like women. She told her parents that she was in love with a woman, not that she was any kind of queer.

The women ruminate over whether or not they would date men again. Nikki says no, Jill says yes. Newsflash girls, you are getting married, you aren’t supposed to date anyone again after that. Jill says she is 100% comfortable saying she is in love with a woman and 60% comfortable saying she’s gay it ‘doesn’t feel like it fits.’ Jill says Nikki is her first girlfriend, Nikki says Jill dated women before and kept it a secret. Basically, eventually Nikki is going to get screwed over and she seems to be aware of this. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But someday.

 Tracy and Stamie are meeting up with friends to play basketball. We learn Stamie and Tracy met through mutual friends when Tracy went to one of Stamie’s stand-up shows, because Stamie is a comedian. This explains why Stamie is funny, but not why she’s creepy. Tracy wants her and Stamie to go the distance. Tracy tells Stamie she wants to meet her friends; Stamie says they are all dead. Haha, oh Stamie, you are so creepy. Tracy is a little pissed.

They all go out for coffee after and Whitney shows up, she meets Stamie. She says to the camera that she has a crush on Tracy; bad things are going to happen. Tor is not out with Whitney, but Whitney says she asked her and didn’t think she was going to be out late. Day turns to night and Romi (the girl who ran away from Whitney in the first episode, runs away from her again. Literally, of course. Whitney runs after her, Whitney, leave the poor girl alone! Romi has a confessional style interview with the camera and she is actually incredibly gorgeous. She says she wishes Whitney would tell her what their situation is, because she has no idea where she stands with Whitney. They argue, then make out. Whitney is upset she put herself in a position to hurt three girls. But she will continue to do it anyway.

Now Rose and Natalie are going out to celebrate their 7 month-iversary. Natalie says she had a girlfriend before Rose for two years, it ended badly. She said she was going to give up women, but then she met Rose and fell in love with her. Rose says Natalie would be the type of girl to poke holes in the condom, basically calling her psycho. Nice way to start off an anniversary dinner! Then to make things better, Rose says she was a bad girl this month, sorry for all the bad things I did! Rose then says all Natalie can talk about is babies, when Rose has been the one bringing them up. Natalie thinks she is inspiring Rose to change into a better person. She wants Rose to drink less because she is a mean drunk. Rose gives Natalie flowers and then mocks her a little. They toast, Natalie says “here’s to our love!” Rose says “Here’s to my love, you’re lucky you got it.” Damn, girl. Natalie is cute and sweet, she needs to get away from Rose.

Back to Whitney, she calls Romi and Romi says either we can be friends without the hooking up or you can continue to keep hooking up and Whitney will keep hurting her. Romi says ‘if you care about me you will stop hooking up with me.’ Whitney says she can’t do that. Alyssa comes out and lets Whitney know that Tor heard the Romi situation. Alyssa’s loyalty is with her cousin over Whitney. Good for her. Whitney lies to Romi and says that her roommate just came out to ask her if she wanted a drink. Poor Romi. She tried.

Rose says she only stays with Natalie for the sex. They then proceed to do it.

Mikey is in her office talking business. She reveals that she is being inducted into the LA Chamber of Commerce. She wants Raquel to come, Raquel is working until 8:45 but she is going to try to make it. She asks Mikey how she will find her at the event; Mikey says “I’ll be the lesbian with the tattoos.” Ha.

Whitney and Alyssa do prosthetics and special effects make-up for horror movies. They have a friend over to do a torso mold of her. Whitney reveals she had a bad reaction to a vaccine and she went blind and lost her speech. When she was in the hospital, she realized she had to live life to the fullest. Then she moved to LA. I wonder if she was always a player or if this is a direct effect of her illness?

Jill and Nikki go to pick up Jill’s best friend D-money from the airport. He might move to LA. Jill has known him for 8 years; they have feelings for each other…romantic feelings. Nikki was concerned when she first started dating Jill because she can’t compete with a man, if that’s what Jill wants. There is no way Nikki doesn’t know how badly this is going to end. Nikki says that D-money wanted to be with Jill and had trouble accepting her relationship with Nikki. Jill and D-money kiss on the mouth and say they want him to move there. Nikki is across the street by herself.

Tracy has lunch with her best friend Mikey. They talk about Tracy’s mom and how she wants her to be happy but with a man, not a woman. Mikey thinks Tracy is crazy for being with Stamie. Join the club, dude.

Rose’s dad comes over to visit her, he tells her to settle down with Natalie and stop the partying, cuz she’s in her 30s now.

Whitney and Tor are playing. Alyssa doesn’t feel good; Whitney is feeling Tor’s buns so she isn’t paying attention to Alyssa. Alyssa doesn’t want Whitney to look like a jerk when all the girls realize they are being played. Tor wants to be with Whitney but she doesn’t know how to make that happen. Tor says that if you can get her going, man woman or dog, you can hit it. Awesome.

Mikey is at the LA Chamber of Commerce thing, she brought her employees. Mikey is really awkward and nervous and keeps checking her phone to see if Raquel is coming. Raquel misses her being inducted, but shows up soon after. Mikey is happy to see her and they party. Mikey is frustrated with how much Raquel works.

6:17 AM- Tracy and her dog, Max are sleeping when Daughtry wakes her up. Max doesn’t want too, he’s tired. Now Tracy and Max are awake and co-parenting with Stamie. Tracy admits she doesn’t party like she used to anymore. Stamie throws a poopy diaper at Tracy. These women are so romantic.

Mikey is working, Raquel is on site to do makeup. They do a photo shoot. Disaster strikes, their fashion show has been pre-empted from their stages because a feature film bumped them out. Mikey is freaked.

At casa de Rose, she is having some friends over for game night. Her friends say she looks like Eva Mendes, maybe if Eva was 80 and punched in the face repeatedly. Natalie is hanging with Rose’s friends; they kind of leave her out as they drink and generally act like fools. They chant for one girl to show her boobs and she does, then they chant for Natalie to show her boobs. Rose laughs; Natalie covers her chest and tries to get out of the room. Rose makes fun of Natalie’s lip gloss in front of her friends then she tells her she’s being a ‘catwalk’ (?) in front of her friends and the all laugh at Natalie. It’s painful to watch. Rose bitches to her friends, says she can get a hotter girl than Natalie so watevs. Rose says she fucks five girls at a time, yeah right.

Whitney is scheming to get to a party where Romi will be. Tor looks sad. Alyssa is worried about her cousin so she sits down with Whitney and tells her to stop being a jerk. Whitney is upset because Alyssa always comforts her and now she is putting her on the spot.

At casa de Rose, Rose tells Natalie to move out then goes back to party with her friends like nothing happened. Natalie curls up in their bed with their dog and cries.

Next week: Mikey and Whitney might hook up. Nooooo, what about Raquel??? What about beautiful, adorable, funny, reliable, devoted, ambitous, successful, sexy Raquel??! Don’t do it, Mikey!

Tune in next week!

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