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The Real L Word Recap: Episode 3

06/06/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

Hey Real L Word fans! Welcome back to another recap of ‘The Real L Word’ Yes, there was a new episode even though it was July 4^th weekend and hopefully all of you were too busy getting drunk at barbeques to watch it. Lez get to it.

This is the Valentine’s Day episode, so we start with all the ladies giving their thoughts on the big V day. Jill thinks spending Valentine’s Day with another women= a big day of mush! She should tell that to Mikey, who thinks the whole thing is a scheme by Hallmark. Nikki says ‘imagine spending v-day with your best girlfriend! That’s what it’s like! Amazing!” Nikki & Jill probably do wonders for Hallmark and the economy in general. Rose says she’s never been alone on Valentine’s Day. Sometimes she’s celebrated it with 3 of 4 girls. Yeeeah rite Rose. Whitney likes V-day when she is in a relationship but not when she’s single, then those ‘chocolates can fuck off.’ Ha. Tracy says the V-days she’s had with women are just more memorable.  Also, she doesn’t know when exactly Valentine’s Day is.

We start this episode at Casa de Rose. Rose and Natalie are ignoring the fact that they broke up and Rose told her to move out. Natalie says the argument was ‘dumb.’ Riiight, telling your girlfriend not to treat you badly in front of her friends is stupid. Natalie must have had really bad relationships in the past to think this is okay. Rose just wants to forget about the drama and continue to have a good time and have a great V-day.

At Chez Nikki & Jill, Jill says ‘this is our first v-day co-habitating!’ Also, she feels free and is glad to be building a future with Nik and just being friends with D-Money, who is going shopping with her to get a Flip for Nik for V-day, because they want to tape their lives together! Aren’t they being taped right now? Jill picks a Flip for Nik and celebrates by hugging D-Money, who seems genuinely happy for Jill & Nikki. Yay, life is nice.

Mikey is at a tennis court with an older lady friend and reveals that Raquel is working all weekend, right though V-day weekend. She reiterates her stance on V-day being commercial and exploitative, but it seems like she only feels this way because Raquel isn’t going to be around. She admits that she takes off work to try and spend time with Raquel and she is sad that Raquel doesn’t do the same for her. I’m a huge Raquel fan, but something about her ‘working’ all the time is beginning to seem off. The girl works more than President Obama. He still has time to take Michelle to plays and shit. Either way, it’s nice to see a more vulnerable side of Mikey.  

Nikki goes to a dance studio to visit her mom. I think her mom takes lessons there, but she also might work there. Nikki says she can’t dance and considers buying lessons for her and Jill so they can have a lovely first dance at their wedding.

At Stamie’s shack o’children, Stamie says that Tracy reminds her of herself when she was 31 and dating a pregnant women. Sorry Stamie, but dating a pregnant women who is about to have one baby and dating someone who has 3 right off the bat is a little different. Children aren’t puppies, there is a huge different between having one and having three. They are going to try to have an early V-day together, just the two of them. That is sooooo not going to happen! Tracy comes in and she’s had a bad morning. She tries to tell Stamie about it, but there are cute tiny blonde people screaming. Tracy is upset because she needs to have time to ‘download’ with Stamie and it’s hard. Who uses the word download? Basically, this proves that Tracy is a robot planted by Ilene Chaiken to prove that real life lesbians look like the ones she cast in ‘The L Word.’ Tracy has two dogs and they are important to her, Stamie says that once you have kids, dogs are too much. Sooo Tracy should put up with three kids but Stamie can’t put up with Tracy’s two dogs? Tracy says she’s being pulled on 20 different directions at once, she wants to slow down. Poor Tracy. Stamie asks her if she’s done being cranky. Wow.

Natalie is doing a sexy photo shoot as a V-day gift for Rose. She’s hot & Rose is lucky. That’s really all you need to take away from this scene.

Rose is home trying to plan a perfect V-day for Natalie.

Whitney finally makes it into the episode. She doesn’t know who her valentine should be, she thinks the best answer is no one and to focus on work. She is in her studio working on the cadaver for Voodoo Cowboy. She gets a call from a hetero producer, Ian, who has a crush on her. He offers her a part in the movie, she will play a badass zombie killer straight chick. The straight part kind of skeeves Whitney out. She admits she dated guys in high school but never wanted to hook up with one again. She tells Alyssa that she needs to get in shape for the movie so she doesn’t have FUPA, fat upper pussy area. She said it, commenters, not me.

Back at Stamie’s Shack o’ children, Tracy and Stamie are washing the kids and prepping them for bed so they can get to the restaurant for their 8 o’clock dinner reservations for their early V-day celebration. Long story short, they can’t make it out of the house, Stamie makes some uncomfortable jokes about crack and says she never wants to leave the house again. I don’t understand how these two even spent enough alone time together to get to the point where they became girlfriends and Stamie felt she knew Tracy well enough to feel comfortable letting Tracy co-parent with her.

Nikki and Jill wake up and trade surprise V-day presents even though they said they weren’t going to do gifts. Nikki says she and Jill dated long distance for 7 months of their year long relationship. Oh gosh.

Back at Whitney’s, Tor wants to be with Whitney but says that she doesn’t know if they will ever be together. Whitney found a trainer to get her into shape for Voodoo cowboy. The trainer, Miranda is hot and Whitney is in love with her. Alyssa can tell by taking one look at Whitney. I kind of love Alyssa, she’s hilarious. Miranda says Whit will need to cut down on the smoking and drinking. Whitney says she will try and sex is cardio so she should do more of it. Whitney, you do not need any more sex. After Miranda leaves they discuss if Miranda is gay or not. I can’t tell either. Tor’s feelings are hurt, she thinks it’s awkward to live with Whitney and hear her talking about other girls. Whitney says something about a frog’s ass being watertight and Tor says it’s good that Whitney doesn’t have dick because she would have a lot of kids.

Stamie and Tracy give the kids to a nanny and go out for lunch.

Mikey is taking her Aunt for a day of beauty on V-day. Kat, Mikey’s aunt, had breast cancer; she had a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy. Mikey says that her mom wasn’t into having kids and Aunt Kat helped raise her and she wants to help her feel good about herself again.

Back at Stamie’s lunch of romanticness, Tracy tells Stamie about finding her grandmother’s stuff. Tracy says they are both family oriented. Tracy’s parents got divorced almost 5 years ago. Stamie says she will love Tracy and treat her like family and be there for her. Stamie says she’s sad her kids don’t have a father. Tracy thinks a kid should have a male figure in their life but that they will turn out okay anyway. Tracy wants to talk about their relationship and that it’s hard with the kids. Stamie doesn’t want to hear it and tells Tracy to take her top off. Tracy says she’s glad they had time to download and the lunch was really important.

At the salon, Mikey takes Aunt Kat to meet Romi (Yes, Whitney’s Romi, who is a makeup artist and Mikey’s friend) and a hairstylist. Aunt Kat cries because she will never look the way she did before she had cancer and it’s hard to accept. They have a group hug and vow to have fun. Aunt Kat says that Mikey was a really good kid and Mikey says she grew up loved with Aunt Kat. Then they talk about Mikey’s first lesbian cut, the Dorothy Hamil bowl cut.

At Casa de Rose, Natalie brings Rose flowers. Rose says she pretended that she was too busy for V-day but she is actually surprising her big time. She takes Natalie in the car and Rose yells at her to put her phone away and she doesn’t want to have to say it again. Natalie puts away the phone.

Tracy and Stamie are throwing a big V-day party at the house for the kids. Jagger loves Tracy’s boobs and wants to see them. Tracy gets the kids to sign a card for “Mamacca” aka, Stamie.

At the Salon, Mikey asks Romi about the girl she’s dating. Romi admits her Whitney situation is a ‘hot mess.’ Mikey wants to know if Whitney is hotter than her. Romi laughs, which means she does not think Mikey is hotter. Aunt Kat is done! She looks amazing, she feels beautiful. Mikey and Romi decide to go out and celebrate V-day together since Mikey is upset about Raquel and Romi wants an excuse to call Whitney on V-day.

Rose gives Natalie a blindfold to put on. Rose admits that she usually just buys things for Natalie but she wants to put imagination and effort into V-day. Rose takes Natalie to a hotel room and gets her a massage while Rose irons their dresses for the night.

At Stamie’s, Stamie gives Tracy a key in a fake ice cream cone as a V-day gift. The two women hug and one of the kids throws the large, hard plastic cone at Tracy. Apparently once Tracy had to sit in the rain when no one was there to let her in. Tracy says she’s ready for the key, not ready to move in as they are still in the ‘getting to know you’ process.

Whitney is in a gross looking bathroom soaking in the tub and Romi calls her and invites her out with her and Mikey.

At hotel Maya, Natalie thinks Rose is amazing. The way Rose treats a girl, she wants the girl to think it’s the best time she ever had. That’s in her words, not mine. Rose says every morning that she wants to see Natalie’s boobs. Then she says she’s upset that Natalie had a breast reduction. Natalie says Rose has really nice boobs too. Ew. Natalie gives Rose the sexy pictures and Rose says she’s accepted the breast reduction. Then they kiss and Rose says ‘I’m glad you got a breast reduction.’ OMG stop. Talking. About. The. Breast. Reduction. Not. Sexy. Rose. This is why I don’t believe Rose is a player, that was not smooth. Rose needs a player lesson from Whitney.

At the Abbey, Romi tells Mikey she will be meeting Whitney, and it all seems a little staged. Mikey has been drinking a little; Mikey and Whitney begin to hit it off big time. They ask Romi to switch seats so the new besties can sit next to each other. They send Romi off to get drinks, really. Whitney and Mikey are too butch to hook up with each other, so Mikey volunteers to bottom to be with Whitney. Romi hates her life. Poor Romi. Whitney unbuttons Mikey’s shirt. They do a femme makeover for Mikey and she looks kind of cute, she had good boobs. Mikey is also drop dead drunk. Mikey sees Romi and Whitney cuddling and it makes the beer tears flow because she misses Raquel. Romi rolls her eyes. Mikey says that Raquel is too busy to incorporate her into her life. Mikey stumbles off to get a cab.

Back at the hotel room, Rose and Natalie are doing what they do best, “the sex.”

Whitney takes Romi home. Whitney is so impressed with herself for getting Romi to go home with her after Romi spent so much time running away from her. We see Romi topless, the camera guys must be very happy, and then Whitney closes the door.

Mikey goes home and Raquel still isn’t there. She is sad and cold and goes to bed with only the glow of the camera to keep her company. There is a montage of all the other girls in bed with their partners and then back to Mikey, ALONE. GET IT LADIES? MIKEY IS ALONE AND SAD on VALENTINES DAY.

Next week: Whitney tries to get into Miranda’s pants, Mikey goes to Vegas with her staff and Raquel cancels on her. Ouch..

So what did YOU think of the Valentine’s Day episode? Love it, hate it? Let me know in the comments! I want to hear from you!

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