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Lez Ask The Femme: I’m Over my Ex, Now What?

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Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I dish out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career and family. This week, one of our advice seekers is back with an update on her, her girl and needs advice on how to take the relationship to the next level.

Dear Femme,

My name is Sophie, I broke up with my ex a year ago and I think I’m finally ready to try to go out and date, the thing is that I’m super feminine, I wear high heels all the time, get my hair done, wear dresses…etc. if you get to know me a little bit you’ll find out that the way I dress does not reflect at all the way I behave, cause I am very butch in my behavior, but it’s my style and I like it… So my question is this, how does a femme looking girl flirt with another femme?

ps. sorry if my spelling sucks I live in South America and my English is far from perfect.

Thanks for taking the time to answer all the questions, you are awesome!

Hello Sophie,

Thanks! I think you are awesome too! I’m glad you are over your breakup and ready to get back on the dating scene. There is a term for the kind of femme you are, macho-femme. So don’t be too worried, if there are enough of you out there to warrant your own term, you aren’t alone.

To answer your question, make eye contact with the girl you want. That is the first and most important step, the second step is to smile. There, now you are 2/3rds of the way there. Really, the hard part is over. Then you should walk over to her and introduce yourself. No gimmicks, no games. “Hi, I’m Sophie.”

The part that comes next depends on where you are. If you are in a lez bar and know she’s gay, get right to the “get to know you” conversation. The more questions you ask a girl, the more she will think you are interested in her and the more she will like you back.

If you are in the supermarket and you have no idea if she is gay or not, just put it out there and tell her you think she’s beautiful and you would like to get to know her better. If she is straight, she will be flattered as long as you say “beautiful” and not “hot.” “Hot” can be degrading, “sexy” is even worse but “beautiful” is always tasteful.

In a nutshell, flirting with a girl, femme or not, is as simple as “look, smile, hi.”

Hope this helps, Sophie and stay in touch!

Have a question? Email me at

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2 Responses to Lez Ask The Femme: I’m Over my Ex, Now What?

  1. Natasia Rose

    October 21, 2010 at 7:48 am

    Have fun, girl! Let us know how it goes ;-)

  2. Sophie

    October 20, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    ok, there’s a party this weekend with a mix crowd of gay and straight people. Wish me luck!