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Lez Ask The Femme: Reeling Her In

Posted by: Natasia Rose on October 12, 2010.

: Image by LesMedia via Flickr

Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I dish out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career and family. This week, one of our advice seekers is back with an update on her, her girl and needs advice on how to take the relationship to the next level.

Hellllooooo Nurseee! Hello there again, I’m not sure if you remember but I wrote in earlier in the year about a lovely lady that I met at work that I was trying to win over. [If you don’t remember O.U.’s questions, check out the Lez Ask the Femme archives!] I took your advice and started subtly with a casual lunch date after work. It’s been about a 2 1/2 months since her and I have been dating quite casually, seeing each other about twice a week. She’s openly bi-sexual and from what she tells me, I have enough information to believe that she likes me but I’m not necessarily sure how serious she’s taking me. She picks and chooses what she wishes to share with me and she tries her hardest to not share intimate information with me that pertains to us (i.e. She will not tell directly tell me how she feels about me and the possibility of there actually being an “us”). But when its personal information that pertains to her personal life and feelings, she cannot wait for me to pick her brain. She doesn’t ask me questions about myself but she says it’s because she prefers to figure it out on her own. I’m assuming this is because she is recently coming out of a one year relationship with a man and that she’s possibly still a little sore over what happened between them. I like her even more than I did before, I’d even like to love her someday. I know so many things about her and her person that I respect so deeply. I find her opinion’s to be honest and without influence from others. She carries herself like a Lady, she’s aware of how sexy she is without actually flaunting herself towards others and I like that. I have not the slightest idea of how to proceed into taking this situation deeper or if I should at all. I just want to be hers, please help me.

Thank you,

O.U.

Hello O.U,

Thanks for updating us on your situation! I’m glad that you were able to take the first steps to get the girl, now you need to decide if you want to reel her in. She loves when you ask her questions about herself? As long as you like hearing about her innermost feelings, keep doing it. The fact that she does not ask you questions is a red flag, it may stem from her not being ready for a relationship, like you suggest or it may indicate that she isn’t really interested in your life as much as she is interested in your adoration. You deserve better than that. But I’m not going to tell you to give up on her! You’ve made a serious time and emotional investment in this girl and you need to follow through. I would suggest being straight forward and ditching the games. Ask her out to a nice local restaurant for dinner, which is a “serious potential relationship” date. After the entrees and before dessert, tell her that you think she’s amazing and want to take the relationship to the next level. Let her know that the “next level” isn’t marriage, but “girlfriend” status would be nice. You’ve waited patiently for almost 3 months, which is a good speed and places you solidly out of “U-haul” territory. I think she will go for it, but if she doesn’t, you don’t need to cut her off or take that as the final word on the subject. Keep dating her casually but go out with other women at the same time and let her know that you are exploring your options. This might light a fire under her butt to make sure she reels YOU in. Ahem, but like I said, take the straight forward, no games route before you try the second. Go get your girl! Good luck and let me know how it goes.

Have a question? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com