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Lez Ask The Boi: I Embarrass My Girlfriend

LGR’s boi blogger, Riley Dylan, answers your questions on any and all things lez. Bois, do you get mistaken for boys? How do you deal with it? How does your girlfriend deal with it? Riley weighs in.

Dear Riley,

I don’t know if you have ever had this problem but I’m dating a girlie girl and to be honest, I think sometimes she’s a little embarrassed by me in public. I mean I definitely look like a lesbian and she really doesn’t. Well I guess I pretty much look like a boy. I wear guys clothes and my hair is short and I work out a lot so my body is pretty muscular. I even get called “sir” sometimes. When this happens my gf seems to get upset and doesn’t know how to handle it. In private she always talks about how much she is attracted to me and I believe her, but when we’re out and about she’s hesitant to show any affection. I don’t know what to say to her because I don’t want her to feel bad but I look the way I look you know? Sometimes I’m even embarrassed when I’m called “sir”. At the same time I want her to be comfortable being with me wherever we are because I’m not going to change my look. What would you do?

Looks Like a Boy

Great to hear from another boi!

All right, sounds like we’ve got a few things going on here. I’m right there with you on being mistaken for a boy. Yes, it can be embarrassing. And to some extent, I guess we should expect it if we shop in the men’s department and rock the fauxhawks. That doesn’t change the fact that there are still ignorant people that haven’t ever tried to peer outside the bubble that they live in and realize that not everyone looks like they do. Yes, I’ve gotten many a strange stare in the public restroom. Once, a little old lady saw me coming out of the ladies room, and promptly turned around and walked into the men’s! I’m thinking she learned her lesson.

Your girlfriend, on the other hand, is not an ignorant bubble person. She’s decided to date you, and she knows what you look like and who you are. It isn’t acceptable for her to act one way in private and another in public.

Are you sure PDA in general isn’t the issue? Personally, I’m not fond of PDA in public from anyone – gay, straight, young, old, or that pervy German Shepherd in the dog park that always tries to hump my beagle. Its one thing to hold someone’s hand, but some things are better left in the bedroom.

Yes, say something to her. Be specific about the behavior you’ve noticed from her and let her know that your feelings are hurt. Her actions say more about her than they do about you. Be honest with her and talk it through. If she admits she’s ashamed or embarrassed, and won’t take steps to get past it, it might be time to move on to someone who is proud to be with you.

I’m not understanding about the lack of self-confidence I see in some women. I’m aware of societal pressures, but whom do we need acceptance from? I promise you, we need to be comfortable with ourselves before we can expect anyone else to be comfortable with us. Hold your head high, and be who you are!

-Riley

If you want Riley to answer one of YOUR questions, email RDylan1980@gmail.com.