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Playma.. I mean.. Teammates

3/15/11 by Alex Fox

On a team as a gay-thlete, you may frequently compare yourself to “a kid in a candy store” with the plethora of choices available. All shapes and sizes. A variety of colors. Flavors…

And all of them…? Athletes! Does life get any better?

But what happens when you develop feelings for one of them? Or two? Or five… You start thinking about them outside of practice. Dreaming about them. Wishing you could spend more time with them. Yet, you are supposed to act in a professional manner at practice. As if those dreams didn’t happen and those thoughts never crossed your mind. What do you do when your post-practice thoughts start affecting your in-practice performance?

On top of it all, maybe you are unsure how your teammates would react if they knew you thought about the same-sex in that way (not to mention how they would react if they knew you were thinking about them in that way).

Specifically on all-female teams, there is frequent drama. Many things can happen between teammates to cause tension. Whether it is someone who repeatedly beats you in a drill who you know shouldn’t, constant competition for the starting spot, or something outside of the sport entirely, there is drama. But, what makes playing with women even harder, even more complicated, is when you are into women.

So, how might one deal with these potential “conflicts of interest?” Easy. Do them. Then change teams. And repeat.

Kidding.

This is a sensitive subject for many. First of all, dedicated teammates all have one thing in common: the desire to succeed. We all want to win, and we try to avoid anything that may hinder that outcome. Secondly, teammates have to trust and support each other. Getting involved with someone on the team (or merely putting yourself out there) could greatly jeopardize the camaraderie that you have all worked so hard to maintain. Third, the coach. What if your coach is homophobic? Coming out to your teammates may not only complicate the dynamic on the field, but it may also have a direct effect on the amount of time you are allotted to play. And finally, the locker room. We are forced to change in front of each other. Sometimes even shower. Who wants to be pegged as the “pervert” just because you are sexually attracted to other females?

Yet, even knowing all the complications that may arise, we cannot forget to consider the internal consequences of keeping our feelings inside. The turmoil that may arise from regret. The questioning. The curiosity. At the end of the day, you only have yourself. Teammates come and go. Love comes and goes, but the “what ifs” will last a lifetime.

My advice? Wait. Make sure the feelings are real and not just infatuation. If they do not lessen over time, take steps to get to know her outside of the sport. Still interested? Spend time alone. And if you are still not deterred, take a deep breath, and go for it. Just remember, leave what happens off the court, off the court. And hope that she does the same.

For more advice and insight on female gay-thletes, email me at theunluckyfox@gmail.com.