05-06-2011 by L. S. Carbonell
Some news stories are so absurd, they have to be true.
Twenty-five of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s advisors have been arrested and jailed for being “magicians” who have consorted with evil djins. One advisor, Abbas Ghaffari, was described by the Iranian news service Ayandeh as being “a man with special skills in metaphysics and connections with the unknown worlds.” Another advisor, Esfandiar Rahim Mashaei was accused of being a “deviant current”within the president’s office.
Ahmadinejad has just been slam-dunked by the Ayatollah Khamenei. He was relying too heavily on Mashaei, who was advocating a greater distance between the state and the clergy. The Ayatollah’s first move was to reinstate an intelligence minister who Ahmadinejad can’t tolerate or work with. Ahmadinejad responded by taking an unscheduled 11-day vacation. Then, Ahmadinejad endorsed a documentary film that predicted the Hidden Imam Mahdi, a savior, would be appearing soon. This violates the conservative Shi’a belief that the Mahdi’s arrival cannot be predicted.
Sensing he might be taking things too far, Ahmadinejad cut his little vacation short, only to have his staff members hauled off to jail. Al-Naphathati Fi Al-Uquad, the practice of black magic, is punishable by beheading in a strict Sharia law culture.
Okay, you can break out the Voldemort jokes now.