Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
– W.C. Fields
Thanks to ArtofManliness.com for the recipe to “The Perfect Martini”:
Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman … or a bad woman.
1. First, grab the Vermouth out of the fridge. It needs to be in the fridge, because it’s a perishable item. Take off the cap. Pour the vermouth into the cap. That’s all the vermouth you need.
2. Now, take the glass pitcher, or metal vessel, out of the freezer, where it, too, should remain.
3. Put the ice in the container (a healthy handful of cubes, at least seven to eight, in my opinion), and then pour in the vermouth. You want not only to coat the bottom of the shaker/pitcher, but the ice as well. Give it a swirl, and then out it goes, right down the drain. Now, it’s not necessary to shake it to death. A drop or two of vermouth is in proper proportion.
4. On to the gin, which should be kept in the freezer. Let’s be tasteful here, folks. The contemporary man has been trained by various restaurants and bars that a martini should be somewhere between the size of your noggin and a bowling ball. Nope, nope, nope. Two shots. That’s three ounces. No more. Could be a half oz. less, actually.
5. At this point, it depends what type of container is in use. If it’s a glass pitcher, you stir. If it’s a metal one, you swirl, in a semi-vigorous manner, but not violently. You want the ice friction to cause a chain reaction of cold, but you don’t want to bruise the gin. Gin needs to be gently introduced to the vermouth, and there MUST be some ice melt dilution. So, swirl, or stir, depending.
6. At this point, put your container down and your accoutrements away. Find some good music. In my opinion, all this ultra-lounge stuff is fine. Mancini, Julie London, Les Baxter, et. al. I listen to it, too. But, my first instinct is now, and will always be, to go for the Sinatra. Why mess around? After Sinatra, there’s Dean-o, then Sammy. After I’ve exhausted those, then, and only then, will I go for the lounge.
7. Okay, back to the drink. Swirl it some more.
8. Now put out something to nosh on. My preference is for good old fashioned cocktail peanuts, spanish-variety if you can find ‘em. It was always good enough for Dad, so it’s what I go with. I think it’s passed on in the genes, actually. Other options are mixed nuts, or even blue cheese on crackers. As long as it isn’t things like goldfish crackers, chex mix, yogurt-covered anything, etc., you’ll be fine.
9. Back to the drink again. Swirl some more.
10. Grab the olives out of the fridge. Take your toothpick and push out those nasty little red pimento buggers. Mount up two olives.
11. Swirl some more.
12. Strain the concoction into two martini glasses (I say two because martinis need to be drunk in the presence of beautiful women. The same logic goes for the olives. You use two, as Sinatra put it, so there’s one for you, and one for the beautiful gal that’s about to walk in the door.) In go the olives. Out go the day’s troubles.