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SAG Awards Fashion Parade

 

Julianne Moore flaunts her saggy boobs

Julianne Moore flaunts her saggy boobs

Okay, so this is going to be catty – and that’s your only warning

 

Why do actresses with sagging boobs insist on wearing gowns with no support and plunging necklines? Haven’t these women ever heard of strapless bras?  Or good taste? It hurts to see them so out of touch with the concept of “looking good”!

 

Amy Poehler - Really?

Amy Poehler – Really?

 

Why do hippy actresses think that tight, stretchy dresses, like the mermaid style, look good on them? That style just makes their hips look huge, as the line follows the leg down to the knees. Sorry, looks great on women with a pretty standard set of measurements, but not the Kim Kardashians of the world!

Jordin Sparks - ugh!

Jordin Sparks – ugh!

 

Or peplum tops? Be serious – that flare only works if you DON’T have hips to hide!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sofia Vergara - Did we interrupt something?

Sofia Vergara – Did we interrupt something?

What is it with the just-fucked look? Those gowns that look like they’re not all the way on? There is such a thing as sexy with dignity, rather than prostitute-interrupted!

 

 

White-skinned blondes should not wear white. While the couple of white lace over white gowns I’ve seen in the lineup have been beautiful gowns, on pale blondes the whole image washes out. Don’t any of these people own a mirror?

 

 

Mesh inserts, done well, are tantalizing and provocative. Done badly, and they distract from or overwhelm an otherwise beautiful dress. Take the one on Michele Dockery. The lines are exquisite, but that patch of flashing tit-bottom is just… distracting.

 

 

Why do the men of SAG think it’s okay to button just the middle button on their jackets? Have they even noticed that we get treated to a glaring white triangle of puffy gut that way? Button that bottom button, guys!

Noah Wyle - I can see your belly!

Noah Wyle – I can see your belly!

 

 

 

When dressing child actors, please try to get them a dress or suit that fits.

Poor Daniel Huttlestone

Poor Daniel Huttlestone

 

 

When it looks like you bought it for them “to grow into” they look pathetic instead of cute!

 

Too Many Things Awry with Mackensie Aladjem

Too Many Things Awry with Mackensie Aladjem

And fishnet stockings are just wrong, along with hair bows the same color as their hair – makes them look like they have cat ears or horns!

 

 

Ariel Winter

Ariel Winter

And then there were the high-school-prom dresses. I just felt sorry for those young actresses, whose taste in clothes has obviously not matured yet.

 

Who told natural redheads that crimson is a good color for them? It clashes! I can understand wanting to buck “traditional” color choices, but they’re “traditional” for a reason, ladies!

Busy Phillipps

Busy Phillipps

 

 

Pregnant women should not wear platform shoes with 6″ stiletto heels! Even if you have no respect for the safety of your own unborn child, you are setting a bad example! Snooki fell off hers, for crying out loud!

 

 

January Jones

January Jones

Some of these designers should be taken out and shot. Poor January Jones wore a beautifully drapped gown that was totally RUINED by the white lobster bib attached under her chin! And Idina Menzel might have gotten away with her mermaid if it had been a wee bit looser and the designer hadn’t cut in under her hips with velvet panels!

 

Instead of dropping thousands of dollars for couturier gowns and ill-fitting suits, these folks should hire one of Hollywood’s costume designers to do their outfits for these awards. Those people spend their entire careers making others look GOOD for the camera!

On the up side, Helen Hunt looked amazing! So did Claire Danes, Alfre Woodard, Kelly Osbourne (can you believe that?!), Katrina Bowden, Jennifer Garner, Mark Salling and Taye Diggs.

Helen Hunt

Helen Hunt

Claire Danes

Claire Danes

Alfre Woodard

Alfre Woodard

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kelley Osbourne

Kelley Osbourne

 

Katrina Bowden

Katrina Bowden

Jennifer Gardner

Jennifer Gardner

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mark Salling - vests never go out of style

Mark Salling

Taye Diggs

Taye Diggs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I will not comment on hair. Obviously hair stylists and makeup artists ain’t what they used to be!

To see the entire parade, since everyone needs a good laugh on Tuesdays, follow this link. All photos are courtesy of Reuters, various photographers.

 

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One Response to SAG Awards Fashion Parade

  1. Sam

    January 29, 2013 at 4:24 am

    Why do actresses with sagging boobs insist on wearing gowns with no support and plunging necklines? this did make me chuckle