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Jess’ Smoke Break: “Getting Kids to Behave”

Jess & Ethan

Jess & Ethan

So anyone who has children, or has babysat other people’s children, has asked the age old question: “How do I get this kid to behave?!” Well folks, I’m happy to tell you I have the solution!

What I’m going to do next will cause doubt, I’m sure, but I assure you that my experience raising my five year old tells me this is fail proof. The answer? Not yet. First let’s talk about what doesn’t work.

-Grounding: We’ve all tried it. And what have I, personally, learned in trying it? It doesn’t work. All it does is put me in just as crappy of a mood as my kid, and we’re BOTH stuck in the house for days on end. That doesn’t do any good for anyone.

ssfrgwtrhrtb-Taking Toys Away: This method is good for a short term scare, but it rarely has any lasting long term effects. If I do resort to taking away material things, I incorporate a life lesson by having him earn things back through good behavior and chores.

-Spanking: All media debate about morality in this subject aside, even if you do spank your child, it is another short term scare tactic that will leave the only lasting effect of fear and anger.

-Screaming/Yelling: We all snap from time to time. We all raise our voices in anger or frustration. However, screaming at your child like a psycho is doing nothing except teaching your child how to scream at people like a psycho. Eventually their entire knowledge of how to communicate with others calmly crumbles and you are left with a screaming psycho adult.

14019779-mother-and-child-silhouetteSo are you ready to find out the fail proof method of getting your child to behave? Here it is:


Do things outside. Bring things from outside to do with them inside on rainy days. Build a tree fort. Build a pillow fort. Color in a coloring book. Learn a song. Go for a hike. Take them to work with you (if possible). Read a book. The reason your child is acting out is because (s)he wants attention. After a point the child does not care what kind of attention it is. So, if they have to settle for screaming and yelling once in awhile, so be it.

This is an improper and intolerable method of Parenting. If you say you do not have time to do these things with your child, MAKE TIME! Because someday you might find that your kids don’t have time for YOU and you will have wasted the only childhood they had. If you say you cannot simply “make time” to do these things with your child, then you shouldn’t have had children. In my opinion, of course.

Now, time got a smoke and a nap. See you all next week!

Calvin and Hobbes bedtime routine



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