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Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I will be dishing out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career, family and fashion issues. Are your friends tired of trying to come up with the solutions to your problems? Are your friends the problem? Did your mom surprise you with a date with the nice guy at her office? I’m here to help!

Dear Femme,

I’m 23 but I look like I’m no older then 15. Cause of my looks I have trouble attracting older women. I don’t wear makeup and I don’t want to change my appearance for anyone. I like myself and the way I look. Have any advice?

Not Jail Bait!

Hi NJB,

Thanks for writing in! I’m glad that you have confidence in yourself. I would never tell anyone to wear make-up or to change themselves to conform to our society’s definition of feminine. However, I get the sense from your email that you are holding yourself back a little. If you want to get the message across to women that you are of age, some kind of change will have to be made on your end.

Instead of changing your style, why don’t you try upgrading your style? If you love t-shirts, go for ones with a more vintage theme or sexier cut.  Victoria Secret has some great stretchy tanks and tees that look sexy and comfortable. If you love jeans, go for a darker wash and avoid embellishments like butterflies and flowers. Also, avoid clothing in bright, primary colors, those will make you look even younger. Have fun with it! Good Luck, NJB. I hope this helps and keep in touch.  

Dear Femme, 

I’m an Asian lesbian in my 30’s and I’ve been single for almost a year. I can’t seem to find that special woman who I feel physically and emotionally attracted too and who feels the same about me. I was always in a relationship in my 20’s and felt the need to be intimate with someone but in my 30’s. I no longer need to fullfill that sexual need. I also find it harder as I get older to find a partner. I moved to another state for a partner I trusted. But she left me for a man who was her best friend and whom I also believed was my friend. I believe lesbian relationships don’t last and have begun to feel jaded. I don’t like to feel lonely and hate sleeping alone but can’t seem to find a woman that I can feel intimate attracted too and safe with. Please help, thanks.

Azn

Hi Azn,

Thanks for writing in! There is a lot going on here. You have had a bad experience and I’m sorry for that. You placed your trust in the wrong person, changed your life for her and she betrayed you and it sucks. But you need to move on. Being single for a year isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you, it’s not even that long to be single! It seems as though you have already starting thinking about your internal needs and what you want from a partner. I’m going to suggest that you continue to learn about yourself and worry less about not having a partner. Put finding love on hold for a little while, go out and have fun. Don’t stay home and feel sorry for yourself, join a gym, take cooking or art classes, drink your coffee at a café instead of at home. While you are out doing things and learning to love being alone, the right woman will come along. But you won’t meet her if you are at home hiding under the covers and crying over someone who didn’t deserve you.  

Also, you should keep in mind that just because your former love left you for a man, not all women will do that to you. Lesbian relationships change and there is as much drama, betrayal, love, affection and longevity as there is in any relationship, gay or straight. Good Luck, Azn. I hope this helps and keep in touch.  

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

  O K K I E S (ah-keez’) n.: plural of Okkie, familiar form of Oscar   – When I first arrived in New York City from South Africa, albeit an attorney , my foreign-ness made finding work near impossible.  I moved to Los Angeles and soon found myself running around the City with one of Los Angeles’ most well known celebrity stylists.  As it happens Lauren Landau Hines is my first cousin and I could not be more proud of her achievements.  She scooped me in her protective arms and I was able to help her with Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation, working specifically with the late great Cyd Charrise who had a cameo in one of the music videos as well as a few other exciting projects.  Lauren has since honed her skills to fill a gap (no pun intended) -  she found that there was no loose comfortable  stylish clothes for boys.

Although accomplished, Lauren is probably the single most modest person one could meet, never touting her  ‘own horn’ and it’s a big one that should be blasted loudly. There is barely an issue of People, US, OK and other tabloids that does not show a celebrity child wearing one of Lauren’s simple and recognizable  OKKIE designs.  Now Lauren tells her career story in her own words:-

The thread that repeatedly weaves its way through my life and career is, well, literally thread. Actually, it’s the cut, color and fabrication of clothing that are among my most important memories and, later, my influences.

Born in South Africa, I attended a conservative elementary school that required me to wear uniform dress – a blazer, button-down shirt, skirt, hat and tie. Freedom came at the end of the day and on weekends when I donned my favorite outfit: bright yellow cropped palazzo pants paired with a tank top. I can picture the pants clearly; I remember how they felt against my body.  

At 14, my family and I immigrated to Los Angeles, where in High School, freed from a dress code, clothing was a means of self-expression. I used my mom’s idle sewing machine to make my own clothes that broadcast my membership in the artsy crowd. I was really into upholstery fabric in high school, I made an upholstery fabric pajama outfit with gold buttons that I lived in.

After high school, I moved to New York City to attend design school. Soon my school internship turned into a full-time job: I worked as a freelance editorial stylist for Interview, Details and Face, the fashion-forward magazines of the day. My work was heavily influenced by the aesthetic of my favorite designers Issey Miyake, Yohji Yamamoto and Rei Kawakubo, whose clothing lines continue to inspire. These Japanese designers effortlessly reduce fashion to simple sophistication; it is amazing how they delineate colors using a monochromatic color palette. And their designs artfully balance practicality with playfulness, seriousness with humor. Yet their clothes don’t overwhelm, instead they enable the wearer to express his or her own personality. 

In 1987 I returned to LA to broaden my freelance stylist and costume designer career. I created costumes for music videos, concert tours and album covers, adding Janet Jackson, the Rolling Stones and Sting, to my client list. I also collaborated with television and print-ad directors styling and designing costumes for A-List commercial accounts such as Coke, Nike and Visa/MasterCard.

In 2001 I added motherhood to my resume with the birth of Hugo and, later, Oscar – nicknamed Okkie by his big brother. Watching my two young, constantly moving boys was easier than finding boy-appropriate clothing. At that time, girls had many fashion choices, boys much fewer. I struggled to find comfortable, easy-care, hip boys’ wear. Choices seemed locked into a few silhouettes merchandised in standard denims, fleeces and twills, in boy-accepted primary colors.

It was in the limited boys’ wear market that I saw opportunity. In 2005, as a natural next-step in my 20 years experience in the fashion industry, I designed and introduced OKKIES, a line of boys’ pants. With four pant silhouettes merchandised in a variety of fashion-forward colorations and menswear patterns, OKKIES debuted in five stores its first season. By fall 2006, I was designated best new designer by the online children’s clothing expert jamesgirone.com. In October 2008, Earnshaw’s national retail survey named OKKIES one of the top three best-designed collections in the boys’ wear industry. 

I am very excited to introduce my newest lifestyle-designed collection: OKKIES ‘girl’, a full line of feminine, but not frilly, interpretations of OKKIES’ best-selling silhouettes, for fall, 2009.

OKKIES girls’ wear Fall 2009 line features 16 styles in a full line silhouettes – from pants to shirts, dresses to leggings, sweaters, jackets and beanies – for size 3 months to 12 years. OKKIES boys’ wear Fall 2009 line features 19 styles – from pants to shirts, sweaters and hoodies, to beanies also for sizes 3 months to 12 years.

I have created OKKIES as a lifestyle approach to clothing – a lifestyle of ease of wear, clothing that allows them to move, stretch, run, climb and relax without restriction. For parents, that lifestyle is about comfort and more. It’s about clothes that are high-quality; that are wash-and-wear; that are appropriate for a full day of activity, going from a play date to dinner with grandma; that reflect an awareness and appreciation of fashion trends without being fussy or over done; that don’t express ‘generic kid’ but allows an individual’s personality to shine.

Up until now OKKIES have been available in over 500 specialty stores throughout the country, but moving forward, we will be offering our lifestyle approach to clothing directly to our customers on our website.

 Enjoy! go to http://okkies.com/information.php/about-i-1     You can take advantage of the online 48 hour sale – great Holiday Gifts

Posted by Melanie Nathan

 Follow my Twittering  @oblogdeeoblogda

A Guest Post By Becky Chandler

I was in a bikini kill frame of mind—sitting here in my home in the Sonoran Desert, the temperature an ungodly 115 degrees, waiting for the stoned pool boy to show up, fix the pump and clear out the toxic toads, that are now making themselves at home in what is now a toad poop cesspool—all the time kicking myself for not calling the stoned pool girl.

My thoughts were back in the Pacific Northwest—the overly caffeinated land of my birth and epicenter of Riot Grrl –where the mist and rain generally lets up for two weeks a year (present scorcher excepted)– giving a grrl a most brief window of opportunity to sport a bikini.

So when Paula called, suggesting I do a report on the Suicide Girls Swimsuit Edition—nothing could have been finer—being as I was in a bikini kill frame of mind.

For those who have just recently arrived from Mars, I probably should explain that the Suicide Girl thing has nothing to do with the premature termination of life.

It all started when three friends were sitting in a Pacific Northwest coffee shop, as people in the upper left corner of the country always are, discussing, as friends often do, how to get rich off the Internet. And as friends often do, two of them, who were Portland girls Missy and Spooky Suicide, came to the conclusion, as many have before, that the only sure-fire strategy was to show some skin.

It was 2001 –and especially in Portland, Oregon—punk rock and porn were beginning their money-slicked slide into the mainstream. Punk had never been afraid of a little nudity—but the porn industry had never been punk. Conventional Porn favors plastic women and slick images. Spooky and Missy had something else in mind.

Simply put the idea was to show hot punk chicks nekkid. There was nothing else out there like it.

Yes, Suicide Girls is a pay-to-view soft-core porn site, complete with the requisite photos of naked women. But these women look less like balloon-chested big-hairs than like half the audience at a Yeah Yeah Yeahs show. Suicide Girls often sport tattoos, piercings and pink and purple hair. They choose their own poses and backdrops, and they keep blogs in which they post their opinions about music, politics, fashion and even viewers who post.

The SG Girls perform old-fashioned burlesque—punk style. Burlesque has been bumping and grinding away on the indie club circuit for a while. Burlesque, to some, is nothing more than timid stripping. But this recent burlesque boom owes its popularity to punk’s who-cares-what-you-think spirit, Third Wave feminism’s kitschy nostalgia and–thank goodness–a sense of humor The Suicide Girls have been the best and most successful at bringing this entertainment mainstream.

And most significantly over fifty percent of their paying subscribers are women! So it is that there are regular fashion reports—most entertainingly Dirty Laundry—who recently addressed the proper attire for a fashionable punk girl when it is just too darn hot for a pair of PVC short shorts.
The answer of course is the bikini—fun to wear and easy to shed—and to get on the right fashionista track I must recommend the Suicide Girls Swimsuit Edition.

And when the Suicide Girls do it there is often even an element of socially responsible awareness. For example, take this effort to rehabilitate the pirate profession with a black bandanna bikini with white skull detail or the red and purple not-quite-pin-stripe two-piece with Riot Grrl skull and bones rebel girl coochie protector—thats about as close to punk as a bikini can get:

Go take a look at Dirty Laundry’s Suicide Girls Swimsuit Edition runway—you’ll be glad you did.

Bikinis kill.

http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/news/2002/06/53034
profile:
http://img.suicidegirls.com/media/albums/2/20/15202/737425.jpg
cross
http://img.suicidegirls.com/media/albums/2/20/15202/737429.jpg
http://suicidegirls.com/news/culture/23749/Dirty%20Laundry%20Swimsuit%20Edition/
http://www.target.com/Xhilaration-Bandana-Swimwear-Black/dp/B001VEE898/qid=1247694691/ref=br_1_16/186-7752487-3829829?ie=UTF8&node=618280011&search-alias=&frombrowse=1&pricerange=&index=tgt-mf-mv&field-browse=618280011&rank=salesrank&rh=&page=10
bikini kill 210 w and h
http://suicidegirls.com/news/culture/23749/Dirty%20Laundry%20Swimsuit%20Edition/

http://suicidegirls.com/

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00000372H?ie=UTF8&tag=jusagirinshos-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00000372H

Lately I’ve noticed women wrapping themselves in long sleeve wraps, sweater wraps, tank wraps and more!

The notable trend seems to stem from the long tails flowing in the front of your blouse rather than from the back. This is a comfortable look, but also works in classy styles too. Wraps appeal to those lesbians who may be trying to hide that after-baby bulge or maybe even that after-burger bulge. Wrap tops come in tanks, short sleeve or long, but I’ve noticed that these items haven’t filled up too many clothing racks so you’ll have to keep your eyes open if you want to find a nice wrap that is just your style and budget. Wraps are not so much for the butch lesbians, but wraps work well for this lesbian femme so if you’re a feminine lesbian looking for the next trend, wrap tops are definitely it.

]]> http://lezgetreal.com/?feed=rss2&p=5366 0 http://lezgetreal.com/?p=819 http://lezgetreal.com/?p=819#comments Sun, 18 Jan 2009 05:00:00 +0000 ~Julie Phineas~ http://lezgetreal.com/?p=819

The latest fashion trend isn’t fashionable clothing; it’s fashionable clothing for our children!

Our children are bearing witness to a hopeful time in history. It’s clear to many that the way of the future starts with our children, and you can bet that anti-gay groups are focused on advancing their agenda through their children. Having cute kids is becoming a fashion statement in these crazy times! Just look at these two cuties…

Now the Obama daughters are taking office with their father and mother; which has brought them to the forefront on many levels.

On the level of fashion, many have their eye on what the Obama family has been wearing throughout their campaign for the Presidency, elections, and pre-inauguration. Some have said that Michelle Obama is going to save women’s fashion, but now Malia & Sasha Obama are being called the First Daughters of Fashion. We have all seen children of celebrities gain visibility and set new trends for their ‘fashion sense’; but what we are seeing now is truly a new trend in itself.

Here are some cute outfits for kids, one for a little girl and one for a little boy…

I think my kids would rock these outfits for sure… cute and fashionable children overshadow the fashionable grown-ups in this new world we live in!

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

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The most difficult thing for any transwoman is finding clothes that fit. Most women’s clothing is designed around a woman who is, typically, around 5′5 to 5′7. I, for example, am 5′11, and I am lucky. My frame is built like any woman’s but grown from 5′5 to 5′11. That means, well, for one thing, it’s hard to find pants that fit. For another, it’s hard to find shirts that fit. In fact, it is rather hard to find any clothes that fit. What’s worse is that this isn’t unique to being transsexual. Many a woman tall of stature has had trouble finding decent clothing.

My biggest issue has been finding pants. Now, most transsexuals have a big issue with making sure that, well, they aren’t showing. That is, that the danglely bits between the legs aren’t obvious. There are numerous methods from tucking between the legs and wearing tight undergarments to the use of specially designed undergarments which level off all the bits and pieces. Unfortunately, this is something of a baffling issue for me since my weight makes it unusual for anything there to show up, and I wear skirts anyway due to a combination of my height and weight.

Before I bought my wardrobe, the first thing I did was observe other women. I looked at what women my size and height wore, and then rejected anything that looked horrible. That is, I did not go after a wardrobe which amounted to sweats and tee shirts. Instead, I looked over what women wore, looked at what was good, and asked family and friends for help. I know that this is an impossible thing for many transsexuals to do since, unfortunately, having a lot of family and friends is not a typical situation for most of us.

I have been lucky on this front. My mother and I went shopping for my new wardrobe at a specialty store called Catherine’s. It caters to large women, both tall and wide. I bought a fair sized wardrobe, which seven years later, is still serving me well. My mother helped me choose my clothing.

However, I did not get rid of my old, male clothing. As weird as it sounds, there is no real reason to just give away or get rid of male clothing. Besides the fact that I have a few nice shirts and vests which, when worn, make me look more butch than femme (oddly enough, they did the opposite when I was living male), many women wear some male clothing at some point. Then there is the fact that life is hardly clean. I wear most of my male clothing while doing things like cleaning out the basement, chopping wood, and other odd assorted messy chores.

So, to pass along advice on fashion to those transsexuals who may read this article. In order to pass effectively, dress appropriately for your age, size, and profession. For some reason, doing this seems best. Do not be afraid to dress in old male clothing for dirty chores. After all, I’ve known many a woman who hold on to their husband’s old clothes to paint their houses.

As I’ve been out and about getting ready for the holidays, I’ve noticed a trend in teal!

Every winter I find myself changing my look and style as I reach for warm clothes and darker shades. Usually, I wind up with a berry tone as the base of my winter look, as I am biased to browns during the summer. Spring always brings out the color in me, and I was surprised to see teal fabrics popping up more and more on the racks even though it’s winter. Surprisingly, when I picked up some new makeup for holiday looks, I chose a 4 color eyeshadow palette with a a gold base, and teal highlight from Loreal called Out of The Blue. It really was out of the blue for my shopping cart, since I am really really prone to berries and browns.

What I’m finding though is that teal works really well for me, and it works with berry shaded lipsticks and browns too.

I picked up a teal tank too and the color is really working for me, and I’ve noticed it works for others as well. I’ve seen teal in many forms, sweaters, tanks, pantsuits, shoes, accesories. You can bet you’ll see me in teal this winter, what about you?

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

On election day my wife and I had volunteered to help get the word out some more about voting NO on Prop 102.

AZ Together sent us out to wonderful North Scottsdale, AZ. The area happens to be Rep. Harry Mitchell (D) district so I was hoping for a good response. The response happened not to be the thing that got my attention. It was what everyone was wearing and carrying that I couldn’t stop noticing.

The first of many occurrences is the “snow boot”:

Now first of all we live in the desert and it was 75 degrees that day, but okay it is a fashion statement and they are in right now, but is it still a statement if worn with shorts and a tank top?

I was in awe over almost every purse that went in and voted and came back out with its owner. From Chanel to Louis to list was endless on the different brands of bags.

 

Jess is from Arizona, is happily married, and is a proud mom of an adorable son. For more about her check out www.2moms2kids.com.

Halloween is an occasion for us to either dress up as someone we love or emulate or someone we hate and hence, want to mock.

Most experts will tell us our costume choices are not random, even if we think so. And although you might think yours hides you, it’s not entirely true. They say when we choose a costume; we are living a fantasy and trying to show the others a part of our inner selves.

Zombies, vampires, skeletons and other monsters show our fascination with the macabre and grotesque. Fairies or princesses represent one’s lost innocence or beauty, and a return to a safer, simpler time. Animals generally represent strength, basic instincts, with other specific traits for specific creatures.

Case in point… these two…

Yep those costumes pretty much tells it all about them I’d say.

So if you dress like a ho tonight, beware, your costume might be letting some skeletons out of the closet that you didn’t even know you had.

While researching this article, I found just about the best guide out there to what your costume is saying on a site called Club Planet.Com and here is some of what they say your costume is telling everyone….

What Your Halloween Costume Says About You if You’re a Ghost

You’re either cheap, unoriginal, or lazy. If you think that you can throw an old white sheet over your head, cut slits for eyeholes and call it a costume, you’re sadly mistaken. You’re better off staying at home and saving people the tears your mind-numbing personality would cause them.

What Your Halloween Costume Says About You if You’re a Pimp

You’re cashing in on the old trick-or-treating philosophy; the more houses you go to, the more candy you’ll get. A lesson just as important in your 20s as it was when you were 8-years-old.

What Your Halloween Costume Says About You if You’re a Pirate

Fun-loving and adventurous, you aren’t afraid to take risks. You aren’t easily influenced, especially when it comes to people’s opinions about others; you truly believe that there’s a hidden treasure buried within everyone. That, or you’re just lazy and are two years too late to the Captain Jack Sparrow trend.

What Your Halloween Costume Says About You if You’re a Witch

You aren’t afraid to tell people what you think, even if you make some enemies in the process. Those who know you well would say you have a spell-binding personality. (And if those people actually verbalized that joke, they should be shot.)

This year I plan to go as Sarah Palin myself … I bought some Sexy Librarian Glasses, a Palin Power Suit and as you saw from the above picture I had a few Palinesque accessories of my own on hand already, and Debbie is going as my moose. So I wonder what my costume this year says about me?

Oh my, could I secretly want to be an out of touch Republican baby factory?

So what are you going to be tonight?

Paula Brooks lives in the Outer Banks of North Carolina with her partner, their twin daughters and her hearing helper dog, where they own and operate a vacation home rental business. You can visit her Blogger profile here.

Look Indy… Fashion… Very Dangerous… You Use Your Credit Card First…

As a Professor of Humanities, my day job has taken me on a few archaeological digs in the Middle East and Turkey. These travels also took me to some very unique shops and bazaars. I always loved the local fashions and materials that came from these areas and of course, like any good “digger”, I always wanted an Indy Hat, so I was really taken by some of Ralph Laurens ready to wear Spring 2009 line presented during fashion week in New York last month.

Lauren looked to the Middle East and Indiana Jones for inspirations, with khaki camp, Indiana Jones hats and white linen suits worn with matching shirts and metallic ties. In keeping with his desert theme, linen is defiantly omnipresent in these designs, as was silk, a sandy palette dominates Laurens desert-ready attire with highlights of metallics: bronze, silver, gold, and platinum and Ralph is sure to get a bit of my money next spring.

However I did think some of this line was a bit over the top… The turbans just did not do it for me and I am not really all that sure about the harem pants presented in this line either.

But there is a lot in this line I liked, especially those Indy Hats.

Hmmm I wonder if Ralph is offering a whip and a pistol with this line?

Paula Brooks lives in the Outer Banks of North Carolina with her partner, their twin daughters and her hearing helper dog, where they own and operate a vacation home rental business. You can visit her Blogger profile here.

As some of you may know I am a Lesbian Surfer Mom and as one of the few Lesbian Surfer Moms on line, I get a few hundred messages/emails per week asking all kinds of questions.

Well maybe not hundreds, but I do get a few and I try to read them all, but can’t always respond the way I’d like.

This week for some reason I got a bunch of fashion questions about what makes a lesbian surfer mom fashion look.

Now I have no clue why anyone would write me about fashion, because its not a topic that I really feel I have much expertize in.

I also have to wonder why these readers would be interested in a fashion style where they end up looking like a lesbian surf mom.

In my opinion the concepts of Lesbian surf moms and fashion are pretty much oxymoron’s and exclusive of each other as the style tends to have a propensity to incorporate all of the reductive fashion stereotypes of lesbians, surfers and moms but with none of the good elements associated with any of these fashion styles.

To make my point let us look at the term Lesbian Surfer Mom….

The first word in that description is lesbian.

Now when you think lesbian the first thing you have to do think back to the day when everybody was grunge and think flannel shirts.

A way cool look in back 1993 to be sure but not so much anymore because only throw back lesbians and your dad wear flannel shirts today.

Then there is the mandatory hat or do rag bandanna.

There is a story that goes like this… A little girl and her mom were riding on a public bus one day when the little girl saw a woman sporting a bandanna on her head, she asked her mom… ‘Mommy is that lady a pirate?’ And her mommy said ‘no honey she is a lesbian.’

Nuff said there, I think.

Now let look at the word Surfer.

Now I know that the shabby trashy faded and beat up Surf look is in right now but you really have to understand that real surfers came up with that look not out of any sense of fashion but because we tend to spend all of our money on surfboards, wet suits, tickets to rad surf destinations, gas for the 4×4 and beer, leaving no money to buy new clothes.

When we do get new threads they tend to come from surf shops in the form of Surf T-Shirts and from the Army Navy store in the form of cargo pants because they are cheap and will last a long time. Bikini tops have replaced bras because a real surfer girl will think ‘why spend money on bra when I can get something I can wear in and out of the water and not worry about ruining it.’ And the mismatched Bikini tops and bottoms look, well that came about because it was what a real surfer mom happened to have found in her truck when she got to the beach for her surf session.

Take it from me, before Pac Sun came along there was no thought or design put into the surfer girl look.

Finally lets look at the word Mom.

Moms tend hang out with people who look like this most of the time.

I think that picture should just about cover it….

Ok that said, my lesbian surfer mom look is one of applesauce, cereal, snot, milk, vomit and all manner of other mystery substances wiped on my clothes, outfits that don’t even begin to match, no make up and hair that goes un-brushed for days and un-cut for months.

Now after reading this article, and having read how I look, AND you still want to look like a Lesbian Surf Mom, I have to ask…

Are you insane?

I look this way because I have no choice, but if you want to look like this on purpose, I think you really need help and not in the fashion area.

Perhaps Doctor Phil’s site is place you really need to get your advice.

Paula Brooks lives in the Outer Banks of North Carolina with her partner, their twin daughters and her hearing helper dog, where they own and operate a vacation home rental business. You can find more info on her Blogger profile here.