1/24/10-by Melanie Nathan

ROSIE O'DONNELL- CREDIT: ABC/ DONNA SVENNEVIK

What is a family? Sometimes it’s a mom and dad and their kids. Or it might be kids with just a mom or dad. Or it could be kids who have more than one mom or dad. While the answer varies, all families share one vital ingredient: love.

A FAMILY IS A FAMILY IS A FAMILY, A ROSIE O’DONNELL Documentary set to premier on HBO JAN. 31 (7:00-7:40 p.m. ET/PT), is a moving portrait of the remarkable diversity of families today that challenges stereotypes, highlighting same-sex parents, mixed-heritage families, single parents and stories of adoption. Children speak from the heart about parents, siblings, marriage and love in the exclusive documentary.

In the special, Rosie O’Donnell also talks with her daughter Vivienne Rose about how their family which includes sister Chelsea, brothers Parker and Blake and parents Rosie and Kelli came about. Following her recent separation from Kelli, O’Donnell reaffirms the importance of family in a talk with Vivienne Rose, saying, “Even though Mommy Kelli and I aren’t living in the same house anymore, we’re still a family. Family is forever. And family is love.”

In A FAMILY IS A FAMILY, kids offer touching, profound and often funny insights about what being a family means to them. Among those featured are: children with two fathers or two mothers; a girl whose mother and father adopted her in China; three brothers who live with their mother and grandmother; a pair of mothers who are getting married to make one big family; and families with adopted kids and children born through in-vitro fertilization.

Interspersed with these portraits are musical performances and animated interludes, including: reggae star Ziggy Marley, his mother Rita Marley and sister Cedella Marley performing “I Love You Too”; four-year-old Najorae and her father singing their original song “Love Is the Thing;” 11-year-old Martin and his seven brothers and sisters performing “Cario (My Love),” nine-year-old Joey singing “Raised on Love,” a song he wrote with his mom and dad; and folk musician Elizabeth Mitchell performing “Blue Clouds” with husband Daniel Littleton and seven-year-old daughter Storey.

O’Donnell’s tongue-in-cheek performance of “My Science Project” tells the animated story of a young girl whose class project describes the scientific way she came to be. And Frank Sinatra’s rendition of “Too Marvelous for Words” is accompanied by an animated sequence of a sperm in top hat serenading a glamorous egg.

The soundtrack of A FAMILY IS A FAMILY IS A FAMILY also includes original songs written for the special, among them: “And Mom and Kid,” by They Might Be Giants, “My Family,” by Sweet Honey in the Rock and “A New Generation (Conner’s Theme),” by Charles Strouse. In addition to “Too Marvelous for Words,” classic recordings featured are “Baby Mine,” sung by Bonnie Raitt and Was (Not Was) and “A Bushel and a Peck,” performed by Doris Day.

A FAMILY IS A FAMILY IS A FAMILY is directed and produced by Amy Schatz, whose credits include such award-winning HBO family productions as the “Classical Baby” series and the special “Goodnight Moon & Other Sleepy time Tales.” Some of the recordings are brought to animated life by Emmy(R)-winning animator Maciek Albrecht, whose previous HBO credits include the “Classical Baby” series and numerous other productions.

A FAMILY IS A FAMILY IS A FAMILY: A ROSIE O’DONNELL CELEBRATION is executive produced by Rosie O’Donnell and Sheila Nevins for HBO Documentary Films; directed and produced by Amy Schatz; produced by Beth Aala and Sabina Barach; edited by Tom Patterson; directors of photography, Alex Rappoport and Joel Shapiro; animation by Maciek Albrecht; music supervisor, Linda Cohen; production executive, Susan Benaroya; supervising producer, Jacqueline Glover.

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  O K K I E S (ah-keez’) n.: plural of Okkie, familiar form of Oscar   – When I first arrived in New York City from South Africa, albeit an attorney , my foreign-ness made finding work near impossible.  I moved to Los Angeles and soon found myself running around the City with one of Los Angeles’ most well known celebrity stylists.  As it happens Lauren Landau Hines is my first cousin and I could not be more proud of her achievements.  She scooped me in her protective arms and I was able to help her with Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation, working specifically with the late great Cyd Charrise who had a cameo in one of the music videos as well as a few other exciting projects.  Lauren has since honed her skills to fill a gap (no pun intended) -  she found that there was no loose comfortable  stylish clothes for boys.

Although accomplished, Lauren is probably the single most modest person one could meet, never touting her  ‘own horn’ and it’s a big one that should be blasted loudly. There is barely an issue of People, US, OK and other tabloids that does not show a celebrity child wearing one of Lauren’s simple and recognizable  OKKIE designs.  Now Lauren tells her career story in her own words:-

The thread that repeatedly weaves its way through my life and career is, well, literally thread. Actually, it’s the cut, color and fabrication of clothing that are among my most important memories and, later, my influences.

Born in South Africa, I attended a conservative elementary school that required me to wear uniform dress – a blazer, button-down shirt, skirt, hat and tie. Freedom came at the end of the day and on weekends when I donned my favorite outfit: bright yellow cropped palazzo pants paired with a tank top. I can picture the pants clearly; I remember how they felt against my body.  

At 14, my family and I immigrated to Los Angeles, where in High School, freed from a dress code, clothing was a means of self-expression. I used my mom’s idle sewing machine to make my own clothes that broadcast my membership in the artsy crowd. I was really into upholstery fabric in high school, I made an upholstery fabric pajama outfit with gold buttons that I lived in.

After high school, I moved to New York City to attend design school. Soon my school internship turned into a full-time job: I worked as a freelance editorial stylist for Interview, Details and Face, the fashion-forward magazines of the day. My work was heavily influenced by the aesthetic of my favorite designers Issey Miyake, Yohji Yamamoto and Rei Kawakubo, whose clothing lines continue to inspire. These Japanese designers effortlessly reduce fashion to simple sophistication; it is amazing how they delineate colors using a monochromatic color palette. And their designs artfully balance practicality with playfulness, seriousness with humor. Yet their clothes don’t overwhelm, instead they enable the wearer to express his or her own personality. 

In 1987 I returned to LA to broaden my freelance stylist and costume designer career. I created costumes for music videos, concert tours and album covers, adding Janet Jackson, the Rolling Stones and Sting, to my client list. I also collaborated with television and print-ad directors styling and designing costumes for A-List commercial accounts such as Coke, Nike and Visa/MasterCard.

In 2001 I added motherhood to my resume with the birth of Hugo and, later, Oscar – nicknamed Okkie by his big brother. Watching my two young, constantly moving boys was easier than finding boy-appropriate clothing. At that time, girls had many fashion choices, boys much fewer. I struggled to find comfortable, easy-care, hip boys’ wear. Choices seemed locked into a few silhouettes merchandised in standard denims, fleeces and twills, in boy-accepted primary colors.

It was in the limited boys’ wear market that I saw opportunity. In 2005, as a natural next-step in my 20 years experience in the fashion industry, I designed and introduced OKKIES, a line of boys’ pants. With four pant silhouettes merchandised in a variety of fashion-forward colorations and menswear patterns, OKKIES debuted in five stores its first season. By fall 2006, I was designated best new designer by the online children’s clothing expert jamesgirone.com. In October 2008, Earnshaw’s national retail survey named OKKIES one of the top three best-designed collections in the boys’ wear industry. 

I am very excited to introduce my newest lifestyle-designed collection: OKKIES ‘girl’, a full line of feminine, but not frilly, interpretations of OKKIES’ best-selling silhouettes, for fall, 2009.

OKKIES girls’ wear Fall 2009 line features 16 styles in a full line silhouettes – from pants to shirts, dresses to leggings, sweaters, jackets and beanies – for size 3 months to 12 years. OKKIES boys’ wear Fall 2009 line features 19 styles – from pants to shirts, sweaters and hoodies, to beanies also for sizes 3 months to 12 years.

I have created OKKIES as a lifestyle approach to clothing – a lifestyle of ease of wear, clothing that allows them to move, stretch, run, climb and relax without restriction. For parents, that lifestyle is about comfort and more. It’s about clothes that are high-quality; that are wash-and-wear; that are appropriate for a full day of activity, going from a play date to dinner with grandma; that reflect an awareness and appreciation of fashion trends without being fussy or over done; that don’t express ‘generic kid’ but allows an individual’s personality to shine.

Up until now OKKIES have been available in over 500 specialty stores throughout the country, but moving forward, we will be offering our lifestyle approach to clothing directly to our customers on our website.

 Enjoy! go to http://okkies.com/information.php/about-i-1     You can take advantage of the online 48 hour sale – great Holiday Gifts

Posted by Melanie Nathan

 Follow my Twittering  @oblogdeeoblogda

Senator Leahy and Melanie Nathan 6/3/09

By Melanie Nathan:- When I met Senator Leahy, I was touched by his compassion, his sensitivity and his veracity. Most of all he is a champion for equality and as a supporter of UAFA, and has done much for our LGBT binational immigration.   I would like to support Senator Leahy in his endeavors, first and foremost because he has my trust and faith.

On Tuesday Senator Leahy took to the Senate floor and formally filed an amendment to repeal the antitrust exemption for health insurance companies and it has already 18 co-sponsors signed on.

In the senator’s words, “I look forward to debating this critical measure during our deliberations on the broader health care reform bill. After all, to bring insurance costs down, we’ve got to introduce more competition in the marketplace — and my amendment will do just that.”

More Senators ought to join to get this critical amendment passed. 

Click here to forward an email to your Senators now — and urge them to support our amendment to repeal the antitrust exemption for health insurance companies!

I have not read the amendment but the Senator assures that amendment will introduce antitrust oversight to the health insurance industry, ruling out of bounds egregious anti-competitive conduct like the currently activated and detrimental price fixing loophole which  raises our health costs.  

There will be no real Health Care reform until, inter alia, the health insurance industry is forced to compete on a level playing field just like every other business in America, large and small. In all fairness, consumers must know that the price they’re being quoted is a concomitant of a free and fair marketplace.

The senator in a letter to his on-line community implored our support “That’s why this amendment repealing the health insurance industry’s antitrust exemption is so important — but I need your help, right now, to get it passed.” Call your representatives and Senators to ensure they support the Bill and this critical principle.

 By Melanie Nathan -  After much back and forth emanating from my article on the Manhattan Declaration, a comment by Paula Brooks (thanks Paula) sent me scurrying to the CATH PEWS site.  If you have read the thread of over 100 comments from the latter article, you will note the tussle between LGR and CATH PEWS.  The site Administrator of Cath-Pews has denied gay hate, anti-gay language, yet it is very easy to find.  The articles they provide to enhance their arguments against gay marriage are hateful in purpose. It is there to subvert our rights and our equality.  How else can it be construed?

 So having been challenged by the admin of Cath -Pews I am providing a cryptic analysis based of one such article promoted by Cath Pews.   I have provided a demarcation between the article wording and my comments as can be seen from ITALIC BOLD = CATH-PEWS and REGULAR= Melanie.

 ANDERSON:-   ARTICLE :_
How to Make the Case for Marriage ,
(Using Non-religious Language)  
By Mary Jo Anderson

 Whether we like it or not, secularism is the dominant mode of public discourse today. Even those we encounter who are not “anti-faith” often place a high value on their understanding of “separation of church and state.”  Catholics must therefore be prepared to support moral positions without recourse to Scripture or religious vocabulary. That is an enormous challenge to Catholics who want to defend and preserve marriage as the only healthy model for an orderly society.  Before we go any further, we should make it clear that using secular terms to make the case for marriage in secular terms in no way suppresses or denies the faith. While it does omit a higher dimension of marriage, the secular case is effective because all truth—including the truth about men and women, marriage and family—is God’s truth. 

 MELANIE – Anderson, the Author provides an excuse and subversive means to hide the intention of faith behind overt secular language. This article is all but a ruse a desperate attempt to provide secular legitimacy to a faith based argument.  You cannot hide behind the intention! Simply ridiculous!

 ANDERSON – As such, it has an internal coherence that is part of the created order. One need not credit God with the physical laws of nature, such as gravity, to know that gravity works. Where the physical laws are violated, breakdown occurs. The same goes for the moral realm: A violation of God’s moral order brings chaos in human relationships. The evidence of that chaos is the source of the daily headlines and the nightly news broadcasts. When people of faith make the case for marriage using this kind of evidence, it is less likely to be perceived as “imposing religion.”

 MELANIE:-  This is a flagrant misrepresentation, as is the entire surreptitious intent of this article-  (A Catholic Virtue – to be manipulative and furtive? Anderson is providing the readers a way to Circumvent the truth of their own assertions by trying to slip it into secular form; a clear case of scape-goating?  How do we know that the church itself is not to blame for the depravity on earth?  After all the church has a violent history, borne through war for conversion!

ANDERSON   There is a secular argument for preserving natural marriage as the only legal definition of marriage and the one model of family life deserving of tax relief. The major building blocks are these:

1.             Nations that fail to form families suffer grave consequences, including loss of workers, loss of tax base, and decline in human ingenuity and productivity

MELANIE :-  “The proof of the pudding is in the eating”   as my beloved granny Rose would say: Firstly there are an ever increasing amount of Gay families out there.  In the US and abroad who are contributing to society in a big way.   The new census  2010, may reveal these numbers.  Let me give you my family as one itsy bitsy example and as a metaphor for all of us:-

I am a lesbian. I married spouse under California Law. We have been together for almost 10 years.  

I went to University for many years and have law degrees, which I use in my Conflict Resolution and Mediation practice, which I established over ten years ago.  I used to practice law and decided I would prefer to resolve conflict through mediation.  I function as any other American who owns a business.  The fact that my spouse is of the same sex has zero impact on my productivity or functionality.   In fact I was recently appointed by our County Board of Supervisors as a Commissioner on the County Human Rights Commission.  I serve on the Board as Vice President of A Fair Housing Group and volunteer in our congregation on social justice issues. I volunteer in the Courts to mediate family law matters for people who cannot afford attorneys.  I advocate in DC for equality. I would say about 90% of my free time is devoted to volunteer or pro bono work.   

My spouse teaches Hebrew language to children and adults; as well as bible studies.  She has   almost complete a Masters in Education.  She is brilliant and spends much of her free time with our children.  Our four year old has never had a babysitter because one of us is with the kids at all times.

In fact your argument is so false it makes an argument for the fact that we NEED EQUALITY.  You see we do not get to file Federal tax returns together and so everything costs us more. We have no Federal government benefits.   Your argument highlights that gay families are discriminated (in fact your thesis even calls for the discrimination …”no tax relief..”) against because within the realm of our productivity we are denied the  benefits that you get as a result of your productivity = unequal!   Your productivity does not endure as a result of your sex nor that of your spouse; my production does not occur as a result of my sex or the fact that my spouse is of the same sex.   The government takes our tax money- but as separate and not as joint, while we function as fiscally joint. Your argument has no foundation and simply makes no sense.

We have two daughters.  One was adopted from an orphanage in Vietnam as an infant, suffering from malnutrition and scabies; and is now a thriving all A’s scholar, budding young leader, who loves to help those less fortunate than herself.  She has great talent and will certainly be a productive and well adjusted adult. She will go to University, get a degree, help others, continue to volunteer for our congregation which focuses on helping the needy.  Just last week her class organized a lunch for homeless people in the area. This is not just a one- time event.   

My second daughter was conceived through donor sperm and Artificial Insemination.  She is four now and very smart. We were able to choose sperm of a genius and so have contributed to the population. Who knows maybe our daughter will be President of this Country. Who knows maybe our daughter will be the one to find a cure for diabetes, cancer, aids. Point is – we as a family have conscientiously and decidedly contributed to the increase of population and done so in a responsible fashion.

The adoption costs us about $35,000 and the insemination cost us about $8,000.  So you can see by choosing our modes of ‘birth” if you will, we have contributed to the economy.  We have saved a child from a difficult life and turned it into a situation where she will be ready to give to society in a big way. We pay for childcare, we pay for extra -activities, we pay for clothes, for food

IN SUM ,  Anderson  re my family:

1. We have added to human ingenuity;
2. We provide tax base plus more than we ought to if we had equality;
3.We are an extraordinarily productive family and contribute to our economy in a big way;
4. There are hundreds of thousands of other families like us- maybe millions;
5. If we had equal rights then we would have an opportunity to have more contributing gay families – and increase productivity.    

Conclusion – This  Anderson Argument is DOA!

ANDERSON:-  2. The question is not about denying individual rights but about promoting the good of the whole society.

MELANIE:- This is the argument that I just cannot understand. Most Pedophiles are straight white men.  Most incest occurs via straight fathers raping their children.  The US divorce rate is high;   we all know and easily condoned by Churches – some of which choose annulment. The latter simply denies the marriage ever took place even though there are children. Is that not destructive on society and morality?  

This particular statement made me laugh because of the contradiction in terms.  Ms. Anderson   we will be promoting the good of society if we had equal rights.  How can you on any level think that by denying equality society will improve? (Maybe we ought to bring Jesus in here – lest I forget this is a secular argument.)   Inequality leads to hate, validates inequities and injustice on a secular level. The scales are tipped. People suffer terrible hardship, such as Shirley Tan who highlights the plight of all  binational gay couples.   You tube and hear her testimony.

The question IS about denying rights and in doing so you are promoting an unequal society.  Argument DOA.

ANDERSON:-  3. Marriage and family provide benefits to society by producing, raising, and educating the next generation.

MELANIE:- Gay and lesbian families are in no way deterred in this function. We are already doing this and having equal rights and benefits will only strengthen our ability to be more even productive. Oh yes… Britney Spears marrying for 24 hours is productive; reality shows making a mockery of marriage where you line up bachelors and pretend to fall in love for TV exposure is a fine way to honor marriage and maintain its sanctity.  I could go on…. Let us add this to our secular argument.   Anderson Argument DOA.

ANDERSON:-  4. A strong family life offers the benefits of mental and emotional health.

MELANIE : Gay and lesbian families are in no way deterred in this function. We are already doing this and having equal benefits and rights will only strengthen our health.  Studies have been done to show how stressful it can be not to have equal rights.   

What part of my family life is not strong?  What position is Ms. Anderson in to make that assumption or judgment unless based on falsehood.  Would you like testimonials from my daughter’s school, from my clergy?  From my neighbors, from the homeless guys we fed yesterday?  Are you thinking my kids will turn out to be criminals? Are you presuming that my emotional and mental State is not in good order?  Simply ludicrous.  I can list the names of professionals, judges, politicians, moms, teachers, doctors, scientists, professors who are openly gay and who offer perfect emotional and mental health in living their lives at home and in society.  Who are you using as your example the ‘straight’ Senator with a straight marriage who played tootsie- footsie under the toilet door with a male prostitute?

 It is not possible with the amount of parental involvement and love we provide, to imagine that my home is anything but emotionally stable.  I am  not in need of super nanny and nor do I need a reality show.    There are studies showing that gay parents are of a high caliber and that we provide good and safe homes for our kids. . There are many millions of emotionally imbalanced straight families.  What about the woman, Smith who drove her kids into a pond and drowned them?   The mother who drowned five kids in the bath tub?  The suicides stemming from military returning home from WAR? What about the child abuse day to day; the trash who loose their kids in the night to suspect circumstances? You only have to watch Nancy Grace’s show to see that my life and that of hundreds of thousands of gay families have had nothing to do with the sicko’s in this society.  Straight America is doing fine in its own destruction without gay help or influence. I challenge you to find one gay family convicted of murder.   Anderson argument = DOA

ANDERSON:-  5. These blocks build on the foundation of the common good: shared commitment to a society ordered to the good of the most members.   No Marriage, No Civilization

MELANIE:- Exactly and thanks for making my case and RESTING  MY CASE FOR ME-  THANKS MARY JO ANDERSON – not only have you failed to make your secular argument but you have revealed a furtive attempt to avoid the faith based argument AND  you have successfully made the argument for WHY GAY MARRIAGE EQUALITY WILL ACTUALLY ENHANCE SOCIETY.  

  Yeah – at last We are in agreement marriage – Civilization – Give everyone the right to marriage one person of their choice regardless of sexual identity. This secular argument, albeit furtive,  works after all. It works for our equality and not against it.  So maybe Ms. Anderson your attempts have backfired and you should go back to your religious argument. In truth the religious argument is the only one that may hold any relevance at all and to that end I say thank G-d for the separation of Church and State.

In the words of Anderson per an article on credentials for Bishops “Our bishops must foster authentic marriage and family life. In the heart of the family the dignity of the human person is taught and the future is nurtured. Healthy families are the source of a moral people, ethical citizens, and vocations,” she concluded. ”

In light of this comment Ms. Anderson how hypocritical is it of you to argue against marriage for all G-d’s flock?

  Mary Jo Anderson :-  

By Blogger, Melanie Nathan, contact
nathan@privatecourts.com /
www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com

Joy Behar has her own show and what a stroke of happiness for us queers; she is her own person and clearly is at the helm of her nightly presentations.  Her strength and force will go a long way as notwithstanding her progressive sensibility, her VIEW always seems so correct in a matter of fact “how could it be any different “ kind of  way.   Hence she may reach those who have yet to be touched.

I watched the Joy Behar show on TV last night.  Her guests explored a “home for the hols” topic, with an emphasis on their personal coming out experiences and the difficulties in coming out to family, or having same-sex partner be invited to the family table. The guests included Judy Gold comedienne. The show can be viewed at  http://joybehar.blogs.cnn.com/.

Clearly Ms. Behar is a great advocate for the LGBT community, albeit perhaps inadvertent. She has a distinctive ability to address issues within the realm of acceptance and not mere tolerance.  In providing the voice to one who says he is sick at the thought of male and male sex, – and the humor that ensued as a result, enhances her credibility and showcases the issue. The concerns and hardships for the LGBT community are expressed through the personal experiences and stories of the of guests who wear their “out” badges so proudly on their sleeves.

This Thanksgiving I want to thank Ms. Behar on behalf of our community, for providing a forum where we do not feel we are portrayed as an oddity or slither of irrelevant society, despite the ratings risks that may result.   She has a special gift where her “chutzpah-esque” humor transcends any possibility of alienation by landing squarely on the side of the person who she perceives as just another person.  The talent is in her ability to highlight the issue without making it an issue. You go Joy Behar. We love you dearly and oh yes “thanks!” Happy Thanks giving to All at LGR – Writers, Publisher Paula, Lizzy, Bridgette, Sei – Readers, Fans, Bloggers, Activists, Binational couples in hiding or exile abroad.!

Blogged by Melanie Nathan, -
Mama- Wife- Writer- Activist – Lawyer- Friend
www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com 
Contact:-  nathan@privatecourts.com
www.privatecourts.com, www.divorcemediators.us

In  mid- 2009, MassEquality sent a survey to one individual in each of the 38,210 households on its mailing list to capture the participant sample possible,  providing the largest “snapshot” ever taken of the health of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) communities.   Health data were collected through an online questionnaire developed by the Massachusetts Department of Public Health (MDPH) in consultation with the Williams Institute at UCLA Law School, a think tank dedicated to LGBT issuesA follow‐up email went out halfway through the data collection period. The  online survey was completed by 1,598 individuals in a period just over one week, yielding a response rate of 4.2%. Among the findings:

 • Among lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender persons, the health of bisexual and transgender people is somewhat worse than their heterosexual and non-transgender counterparts, respectively.

• The health of lesbian, gay, people is comparable to that of heterosexual respondents. However, lesbians were less likely to have routine pap tests compared with their heterosexual female counterparts.

• Transgender persons had worse outcomes with respect to self‐reported health, disability status, depression, anxiety, suicide ideation, and lifetime violence victimization.

• Bisexual respondents how worse outcomes with respect to self‐reported health, disability status, suicide ideation, as well as lower rates of mammography for bisexual women compared with their heterosexual female counterparts.

• Legally married same‐sex couples were more likely to obtain health insurance through their spouse’s employer than non‐legally same sex couples.

 This research validates the research on other minority populations that associates stigma and other social determinants with poor health outcomes.  The health disparities faced by minority groups are all too common. Increasingly, there are more theories regarding the factors that lead to health disparities. Research increasingly points to a range of social inequities including income, access to health care or insurance, and housing as factors that impact everyone regardless of race, sexual orientation or gender. However, there are theories specific to minority groups that add additional factors based on minority status.

 Recent changes, including marriage equality, may be helping to reduce disparities for lesbians and gay men, possibly by providing greater access to health insurance.  However, transgender persons still face major barriers with respect to employment nondiscrimination, public accommodations and general social acceptance. This report finds transgender persons reporting the highest level of health disparities.  See http://www.mass.gov/Eeohhs2/docs/dph/commissioner/lgbt_health_report.pdf

One big hit is when it comes to  Gay Men and Women with Diabetes  -    Could the medical community be overlooking 2.5 million people who have diabetes?  Currently, 23.6 million children and adults in the United States, or 7.8 percent of the population, have diabetes. Although an estimated 17.9 million of them have been diagnosed, 5.7 million (nearly one quarter) are unaware that they have the disease.  If lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered (LGBT) people comprise 10 percent of the U.S. population, then 10 percent of people with diabetes are part of the LGBT community-about 2.5 million people.  (Another reason to participate in the 2010 census.)

Lack of equality has always been a problem as we all know, but when it comes to specific stories we realize just how hard we must fight, because our lack of rights  detrimentaly impact  every aspect of our lives.  When Jim went to a local emergency room  for kidney stones, he experienced an episode of hypoglycemia. While he was trying to get a nurse’s attention to explain what was happening, his blood sugar sank to a dangerous 19 mg/dL and he began to have a seizure. The emergency staff rushed to raise his blood sugar and admit him to the intensive care unit, but no one bothered to tell his spouse, John, who was scared and confused.   Yet another example of the loneliness of marriage for a gay couple in the US.

“ Diabetes is a stress in any relationship and  when you combine that with the added stresses of life as a lesbian or a gay man-whether you are open about it or not-there is a great need for LGBT people with diabetes and the partners who support them to receive services and information geared to their unique needs, “  Said John from DANG Foundation.   

With the help available in the myriad of articles and unique content provided by  pre-eminent sites like the Diabetes Health Website,  and an increased awareness of one’s right to fight…. my message is fight for your rights and fight for your health…and fight for your health so you can fight for your rights.

Blog by Melanie Nathan

Melanie Nathan Today, after reading  that Elizabeth Smart’s female captor, Wanda Barzee,  received a sentence of 15 years in prison, I decided to start a column in honor of a very brave spokesperson for women’s safety, young Elizabeth Smart, and after finding my first consumer related travesty I named the column LEZ BE SMART.  

 The entire article can be read here http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-elizabeth-smart18-2009nov18,0,6807810.story 

The idea came when I  looked up my new office location on  the National Sex Offender regisrty to find a competing bevy of sites all claiming to have the ultimate access and accuracy.  Punch in your zip and up pops the message – “we have found ten sex offenders in your area…. give us your credit card number and pay $$ and then we will show you who they are.”

Amazing how many sex offender registries sites are online, the  LEZ BE SMART amongst us find that all you need do is go to this website at the Justice Department and there will be no charge at all for the same information. 

http://www.nsopw.gov/Core/Conditions.aspx?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1

In naming this  column Lez Be Smart Iplan on reporting on ALL consumer related matters, including matters of safety.

Posted by Melanie Nathan.

Ten days ago, the House passed the Stupak Amendment, which would be one of the biggest setbacks to women’s health and rights in recent decades; unless we stand together and stop it, this will provide license for our rights to be rolled back to where the right wing would have us. Do not think the backlash would stop at women’s issues. It will go every which way!

The Stupak Amendment is discriminatory, extreme, and just plain wrong. At Lez Get Real we have been reporting and commenting on the Stupak Amendment, and we are not letting up – why? Because it will take away health insurance coverage that women already have. This would be a huge step back for women’s health. Now this together with the suggestion by Government Task Force regarding Breast Cancer screening at age 50 as the new recommendation is simply unacceptable and worthy of a revolution for our health!!! The mere fact that they can think this up is disturbing to me….

We support Senator Barbara Boxer’s (D-CA) launch of a petition because women must not be denied access to safe and legal medical procedures. If you want to join : click here -Senator Boxer wrote her supporters and saying: “For decades, a very difficult and delicate compromise has held firm: Women can use their own private funds for legal reproductive health care procedures, but federal funds cannot be used for abortion except in cases of rape, incest, or to protect the life of the mother. But in a stunning turn of events, anti-choice House members passed the Stupak Amendment as part of the health care reform bill and shattered that compromise. The House amendment would tell women who participate in the new health insurance exchange that they can’t even use their own funds to buy a policy that includes abortion coverage. We need to be sure that all our voices are heard clearly on this issue.”
Boxer asks: “How can we tell women that they will lose coverage that they already have? How can we tell women that they can’t buy insurance coverage for a legal health care procedure, even if it’s paid for with their own money?”

 SIGN THE PETITION and then visit our site in the next few days for my personal story on how Breast Cancer Screening in my forties saved my life…   

Blogged by: Melanie Nathan, nathan@privatecourts.com : Picture – Credit to Artist Benny Ovid, Tel Aviv, Israel – Thanks to  Dorit Israel, from her Personal Art Collection.

 Last night the city council of Salt Lake City unanimously passed an ordinance outlawing discrimination against gays in employment and housing, the first such law in the entire state of Utah. Very surprisingly, among those speaking in support of the bill were official representatives of the LDS Church.

Hours after the LDS Church announced its support Tuesday night of proposed Salt Lake City ordinances aimed at protecting gay and transgender residents from discrimination in housing and employment, the City Council unanimously approved the measures.

Mormon teachings assert that the Church believes in human dignity, respect even when in disagreement.   The Council opted to vote after dozens of residents in the overflowing crowd expressed their support. “Guaranteeing a right to fair housing and fair employment is not an issue of compromise,” Councilwoman Jill Remington Love said. “We are a stronger, better city this evening. I’m proud to serve on a City Council where this isn’t even controversial.”

Yet that said what about the Mormon money for Prop 8 Hate ads which I believe got the vote against Gay marriage. Perhaps we should read into what may be a slap in the fact statement when Michael Otterson, a spokesperson  intrigued with “The church supports these ordinances, because they are fair and reasonable and do not do violence to the institution of marriage.”  I imagine still justifying their interference in another State. If described in these terms as to do VIOLENCE- imagine how passionate they must have been when parting with those furtive millions! So inferring that gay marriage may do violence to marriage by virtue of their support of prop 8 – is not too far reaching…

Although an astounding feat, the LDS Church’s endorsement was applauded by LGBT leaders in Utah’s gay community.   Although I agree this can and must be viewed as positive in the big scheme of things; please call me ungrateful because “AS LONG AS the queers (you know the ones your compassionately adorn with limited equality) do not cause havoc to your marriages there in Utah – even those where your teaching and silence condones many wives – you will remain solid behind your church influenced dollars that robbed my buddies of their right to one spouse each!

Blogged by MELANIE NATHAN, CEO of Private Courts, Inc. Consulting, mediation & private advocacy; motivated by injustice, I blog about family law/mediation, politics, news and LGBT equality and anything that ‘tickles my fancy.’ Otherwise blogging as O-blog-dee-o-blog-da. Websites and blogs include: http://www.privatecourts.com; http://www.divorcemediators.us; www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com.

 By Melanie Nathan -  If there is one thing to come out of healthcare reform’s ultimate house bill, is the need for the Democrats to take lessons in the “Lockstep Tango” and who would be better teachers than the experts on the other side of the aisle.

History nonetheless -as an unusually emotional Nancy Pelosi graced the gavel on a 220-215 House Vote – to cheers and tears and amidst a barage of defections.   I invite comments about the Reproductive Rights Amendment thrown in to produce the vote. 

 Visit  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOQ-Iw6_wTA&feature=player_embedded   

Blogged by MELANIE NATHAN, CEO of Private Courts, Inc. Consulting, mediation & private advocacy ; motivated by injustice, I blog about family law/mediation, politics, news and LGBT equality and anything that ‘tickles my fancy.’ Otherwise blogging as O-blog-dee-o-blog-da. Websites and blogs include: http://www.privatecourts.com; http://www.divorcemediators.us; www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com.

Melanie Nathan: Considering Maine and Reflecting on California:

Does marriage equality and more specifically same-sex marriage hurt traditional marriage? This most confounding question has yet to be answered by anyone, especially those who expound the rhetoric while seeking to ban same-sex marriage.  The derogatory impact of same-sex marriage on straight marriage has yet to be quantified.  I wonder how one would be able to figure it out.

Could it be that for every 4 gay marriages one straight person will not marry his fiancé; could it be that for every 4 gay marriages one straight couple will divorce?  Could it mean that allowing gay marriages will result in less straight people marrying and thereby reduce the numbers of married people?  I am trying so hard to come up with a formula, can someone please help me?   

Proposition 8 succeeded in California, and effectively removed a fundamental constitutional right, as endorsed by the Courts by way of popular vote – the right for any couple in California to marry regardless of gender was stripped.  Prop 8 was initiated in direct response and its mantra was  to “protect the institution of marriage” by keeping lesbians and gays out.  

After the barrage of voracious advertisements led 51% of voting Californians to believe that gay marriage would by its mere legality threaten straight marriages. Churches poured their money into the advertising coffers, tacitly claiming the interests of their God.   Silly them there is a better way to save the institution of marriage and just think it can be done without stripping other Americans of their inherent rights, as well as the advantage of quantification.  The obvious, unambiguous and only one absolute vehicle to sustain the precept of marriage is clearly the “The outlawing of Divorce.”  We must bring a new proposition to the voters in this earnest quest and that would be  ahh maybe -Proposition 9 – “Repeal of the Legislative Right to Divorce Act.”

Notably, divorce, unlike same sex marriage, can be easily quantified.  I believe in California the divorce rate is approximately 1 in 3. There you go – for every 60,000 marriages ending in Divorce, we can save 60,000 saved – see how easy that was. Not like our difficulty when we attempted to quantify the impact of same-sex marriage on ‘ traditional marriage.’ – that means we would have 60,000 out of every 180,000 marriages saved… How powerful is that!

This is a call to all those who truly believe in the sanctity of marriage. Support the rescue of marriage by ending divorce for good. Here is a safer and better plan – how about making that retroactive.  Anyone who has been divorced consider your good-selves remarried.

Indeed the next obvious step is legislation that prohibits one’s right to divorce.  Divorce is not an inherent right; it is one that is granted by specific statute. For example in California there would be no divorce if the Family Law Code did not deal create it. It gets worse – Divorce involves one spouse suing the other for divorce.  In California the first paper served by a plaintiff spouse on a defendant spouse reads “SUMMONS- You Are Being Sued.”  How bizarre – to separate church and State in this fashion.  It is an abomination to the sacred right of marriage to think that after spouses have said “till death do us part” that one may sue the other for divorce and that our law allows that to happen.

If Maine supports the ban of same-sex marriage tonight, I profess this to be the nest obvious step there too. 

Is this ban on Divorce a joke?  Not according to a Sacramento man, John Marcotte who is collecting signatures to place a new piece of legislation on the 2010 ballot for the people of California to decide on. He wants to make it illegal to divorce in California. Read his petition here.

Why? He contends that this is a natural extension of what religious conservatives did when they voted “Yes” on a ballot measure to ban gay marriage so that they could “protect traditional marriage”.

From John Marcotte’s Rescue Marriage website, here’s the statement announcing the new ballot measure:

“I loved Proposition 8, but felt it did not go far enough. So fresh from the office of our legal counsel, I present the 2010 California Protection of Marriage Act.

No party to any marriage shall be restored to the state of an unmarried person during the lifetime of the other party unless the marriage is void or voidable, as set forth in Part 2 of Division 6 of the Family Code.”

Marcotte has just launched his first couple of PSAs on the 2010 California Marriage Protection Act. Here they are:

Few Choice Quotes From the PSAs:

“My kids are being taught in school that divorce is all right.”

“You said ‘Till death do us part’. You’re not dead yet.”

“Hell is eternal, just like your marriage is supposed to be.”

“If we allow anyone to get divorced, before you know it, people will be divorcing their dogs.”

Lock Step-lock-jaw-Republicans-and conservatives- and those on the right – do not fail – put your money where your mouth is and support the BAN on DIVORCE.

Blogged by MELANIE NATHAN, CEO of Private Courts, Inc. Consulting, mediation & private advocacy ; motivated by injustice, I blog about family law/mediation, politics, news andLGBT equality and anything that ‘tickles my fancy.’ Otherwise blogging as O-blog-dee-o-blog-da. Websites and blogs include: http://www.privatecourts.com; http://www.divorcemediators.us; www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com. nathan@privatecourts.com

Quoting: The Democratic Party Site – CALL OUT: 

 “A lot of folks use Facebook to stay in touch with friends and family. For Sarah Palin, it’s a great way to spread lies about health insurance reform.  A few months back, Palin took to Facebook to declare that health reform would create “death panels,” and drive private insurers out of business — and nonpartisan fact-check sites and the independent Congressional Budget Office debunked those lies.

But that hasn’t stopped Sarah Palin. She’s back with a new Facebook note claiming that reform will raise costs on families and drive up deficits. Unfortunately for her, even the conservative “Tax Foundation” says those claims are false. “

So we’re calling out Sarah Palin, and taking to Facebook to debunk her lies on the very same pages she’s using to spread them.  Call Sarah Palin at 202-747-1812″

No more lies – it is not going to work anymore….

Refs: http://www.democrats.org/page/content/callemoutpalin

 Melanie Nathan -Quoting from Democratic Party Webpage and e-mail. Spread the word good lezgetrealpeeps- especially on your facebook sites!

by   Melanie Nathan:  
Some organizations focus on fundraising and remain furtive in their strategy, citing “we know best” while purporting to advance the cause of binationals in their self appointed autocracy.  However  Out4Immigration remains consistent in its plan – a transparent one- and as always makes  public and involves the public. 

 The group is now in the 34th week of its letter writing campaign and is responsible for much of the traction of UAFA  gaining support on the Hill.  What is noteworthy is the fact that out4Immigration works steadily and consistently to put people on the ground.

We can never underestimate the value of LGBT personal stories. We must introduce ourselves, one by one to Congress. The few organizations are indeed just that,  too few on the Hill, and they do not have the power of the personal story. Congress wants to hear from us. They would rather hear from us than lobbyists and groups. The power of each and every story is as unique as a fingerprint and as relevant as our family entitlements.  This is a skill so beautifully honed by Out4I and passed on to all willing to take the plunge.

Week 34 -” Please sign on to sponsor Uniting American Families Act“   A letter campaign to Congress. If you are in a binational relationship you have not yet done enough unless you write to at least ten congressional representatives, including your own.  Even if your own rep already co-sponsors the legislation, we should all question their leadership on moving it forward. 

 Amos Lim says:-”  Out4Immigration –  is an all grassroots organization and our letter writing campaign is now in its 34th  week.  We have had successes in our campaign by getting more cosponsors on board.  We are also constantly adapting the campaign from feed-back that we received from our members and from our allies. There are people who are interested in doing more than just simple cut and paste and after some discussion, we are incorporating those request into our letter writing campaign. Out4 I provides guidance and options for your own advocacy either on your own behalf or as someone who abhors the fact that so many American are subject to this horrendous inequity that separates our couples.” There are three options in using the names and addresses of the Congressional targets O4I provide:  (1) Send an Out4Immigration form letter.. go to http://out4Immigration.com to join as a member. It is free. (2) Write your own letter telling your personal story (3) Send each representative a self-made booklet that tells your story, shows pictures of your family, includes letters from your employer or others in the community identifying their support for you and the UAFA.  Again, you should send this an individual, although you can use news clippings and links to organizations that advocate for same-sexbinational couples like O4I,  Marriage Equality.

See the OUT4I toolkit: http://tinyurl.com/o4i-toolkit1 for more ideas. Whichever option you choose (and please, choose at least one!) Amos Lim says “know that you are making a difference — and please don’t give up!”

Please join out4Immigration in its quest to help our gay and lesbian families in exile, in hiding or living in uncertainty. we should not have to choose between our heart or home.  Also remember we are all one heart beat away from falling in love with a foreigner.  I encourage all readers to visit Out$Immigration website to see what they are up to.  They ask for nothing except your personal advocacy. It is the least we can all do.

Blogged by, MELANIE NATHAN, C  of Private Courts, Inc. “ Consulting, mediation & private advocacy ; motivated by injustice, I blog about family law/mediation, politics, news and LGBT equality and anything that tickles my fancy.  Otherwise blogging as O-blog-dee-o-blog-da. Websites and blogs include: http://www.privatecourts.com; http://www.divorcemediators.us; www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com. CONTACT:- nathan@privatecourts.com

From The Gay Family Values Blog:

So, one of the fun parts of being parents is holidays. Bryans favorite holiday is Halloween and the best part of Halloween is deciding and finding the right costumes for the kids. We hope you enjoy our shopping trip on our search for the best Halloween costumes for the kids.

Lesbian mom Dana Rudolph, aka Mombian, recently put together an article which covers the topic of back to school for LGBT parents.

This is a busy time for many families, including those with LGBT parents, and the resources are flowing everywhere we look with deals, steals, and bargains for back to school. If you are an LGBT parent with children getting ready to go back to school, you might feel a little added pressure to get things done perfectly for your school age child(ren).

Luckily Mombian Dana Rudolph has gathered the resources you need to get you through in one place and put them on her blog on Bay Windows:

Back-to-school resources for LGBT parents

Back-to-school time can be fraught with tension for many parents as we realize our children’s shoes are too small, they need new knapsacks, and for reasons that surpass understanding, a perfectly working locker padlock somehow isn’t cool enough to be acceptable this year.

For LGBT parents, there is an additional concern about how our children’s new teachers and classmates will react to knowing our kids have LGBT moms or dads. Do you approach teachers and school administrators beforehand to inform them about your family and detect any potential problems?

…Regardless of the approach you take, it never hurts to be prepared, either to help allies eager to be inclusive or to take action against bias and bullies. Here are some useful resources. (Note that there is an overlap between resources that help children of LGBT parents and those that help LGBT youth. Many of the issues each of these groups face are the same-not to mention that some children of LGBT parents are LGBT themselves.)

I encourage you to visit her article for resources such as Safe Classrooms by COLAGE, links to organizations with resources for administrators and more.

Ok well summer is here and its time for our summer vacation. This year I have had to work way to much so I have saved a bunch of vacation time. I have a month off work. So We are going on a Road Trip. We are going to drive from Ca to Seattle. From Seattle we are going to take an R-Family Cruise to Alaska. http://www.rfamilyvacations.com/

After the cruise we are going to jump back in the car and drive up to Canada. We will visit Victoria and Vancouver. After we leave we will be spending some time in Portland and Northern Ca. We would love if you would give us ideas on what to do in any of the prementioned locations. Fav Resturants activities or spots for the kids. Also we are meeting two of our YouTubers that live in the northwest. If you live in the northwest or are taking the R-Family cruise let us know maybe we can hang and make a video together. Love the Leffews.

“Almost half of tested samples of commercial high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) contained mercury, which was also found in nearly a third of 55 popular brand-name food and beverage products where HFCS is the first- or second-highest labeled ingredient, according to two new U.S. studies.”~ Washington Post.

Mercury causes brain damage. I kind of figured somebody was saying something bad about corn syrup since all those adds saying how it was good for you and natural popped up. The FDA is a joke, and to prove it to yourself, here’s an experiment you can do at home:

“”Even at low levels methylmercury can harm the developing brain. The last thing we should intentionally do is add to it,” Wallinga added, in an MSNBC article also covering the story. I think we’ve seen the gutting of the FDA under the Bush administration, and we’re suffering the consequences. We should not be worrying about poison in our soda, salmonella in our tomatoes and spinach, and hormones in our milk.

Our way of creating, and safeguarding our food supply is changing dramatically day by day. Companies like Monsanto are now patenting living organisms, like the corn they are being forced to grow in Iraq. Monsanto, also an Obama supporter, has been destroying farmers around the world with their mutant GMO seed. Did you realize that you’ve probably already eaten Gentically modified food? Did you know they’re pushing hard just to get labels on beef from a GMO cow? I’ve got a container of organic milk in the fridge bragging right on the front label how there’s no cloned cow milk in it!

There is a lot to look into. But we all have a responsibility to ourselves, and our families to get involved in this issue. New laws are being written that hurt our agriculture, not help it. You can do something about it! Get in contact with your local representatives. I know we’re about to start knowing these guys on a first name basis, we have to contact them about so much stuff, but that’s what they’re there for!

The fate of California’s same-sex marriage hangs in the balance, as the Justices prepare their ruling on the challenges to the validity of Proposition 8.

In my house of two married moms, we remain overtly safe from this decision as long as it is not declared invalid retroactively. How will I explain that to my children? If the result is not favorable, I am faced with having to inform my children that gay and lesbians are no longer allowed to marry under the law of this State.

The unfairness of being placed in this bewildering wait triggers memories of the pre-Prop 8 fight and my quest to protect my daughters from the worst pain imaginable “your family is not a family!”

My daughter, HC, is as well adjusted as any child; she has been around the world a few times, hence her sophistication belies her short twelve years. She is engaging and endearing and born to lead. Kind, loving and perceptive, when a toddler she earned the name “little Buddha.”  A keen, astute student, each year she adores her assigned teachers and tends to hold them in the highest esteem. They are her heroes and in turn she is their delight. This is a kid who never wants to miss school. She loves it!

When the California Court first ruled favorably for same-sex marriage we were the first lesbian couple to be married by our Rabbi, at our congregation temple.  My kids had a great time and together with twenty other kids all dressed in white walked down the aisle toward the ‘Chuppah’ in most traditional fashion.  It was a big event for our community and family came from around the world. My children were so invested in the wedding as for them it presented a validation and celebration of our little family of four.

Three months of gay marriage and then enter Proposition 8 together with the egregious advertisements facilitated by the millions of hateful dollars sent from Utah’s Mormon community to California, intent on promoting the proposition that would serve to outlaw same-sex marriage. The very idea of it, least of all a yes vote, served to insult our recently acknowledged family.

About two weeks before the November 2008 election and the impending prop 8 vote, HC and I were driving our route to school. We noticed that overnight what used to be one lone “No on Prop 8” on Central Avenue had morphed into a “NO on 8” at each and every home down our neighborhood’s main street. Later we found out that the lone sign outside the home a lesbian mom, kept getting torn down; day after day she would restore the sign until eventually overnight the entire neighborhood put up the NO sign in support of their neighbor. I remember remarking how amazing it was to see everyone in our midst against prop 8.

As we drove through the reasuring tunnel of “no on 8’s,” our comfort was short lived as we exited the micro and entered the macro – yes that nasty world at large reared its beastly head as amidst our usual morning tussle between Stephanie Miller and Radio Disney, an advertisement popped on the radio.

“……and your children will be forced to learn about homosexuality and gays it will be taught in the schools; ….. your churches will be forced to marry them… blah..”

I glanced at my child and noticed an odd expression on her usually placid face, one which I will not easily forget, and she asked, “Mom I don’t get what is wrong with other kids learning about my type of family?”  I was stunned!  The advertisement had placed a perspective calling for this very question; but why my child? We have lived our lives so openly and relish the good fortunate of our supportive community, where our ‘same-sex-ness’ is the least of our day to day issues.

It was as if HC had received a slap across her face. The advertisement had clearly hurt my child; its viciousness was not something she had been subjected to before. What could be worse than adults lashing out like that at children? It was direct and personal and having heard it before, was not personally outraged as when I realized the irresponsibility and how damaging those lies were to my babies. Now I had to come up with an answer to this ferocious fanaticism. I explained, “Hun, we live in a world where peoples are often the subject of fear on the art of others and so when they are afraid, usually because of ignorance, they lash out in this way. What you heard on that ad, was unfair and contorted, but that is how the people who are against the idea of same-sex marriage think they can get other people to join their way of thinking.”   I provided more reassurance as best I could.   A few more questions and answers later we arrived at school, and went on with the next two weeks, during which time HC and my four year old accompanied me to various “NO ON 8” rallies; “no on 8, no on 8,” a battle cry still performed by my 4 year old whenever she sees the number 8, whether in the market, at school or in the movies.

So came the vote: The “Yes” win was a shock and a huge upset; I had a lot more explaining to do; “mom is our marriage okay are we still married? (Our marriage is clearly viewed by my kids as a family event!) Then came one of the saddest moments in my life, on the day after the election, when HC came home from school and told me that her class teacher had told the group she had voted for John McCain. Living in Marin County California, I do believe the kids found this quite odd, and I explained we all have the right to vote as we choose. But then she announced, “Mom it is sooo weird Mrs. Ray also told the class that she voted “yes” on Prop 8; but I think she must have been just joking!”  Well long story short, she was not joking – and my child was completely and utterly shattered.  Trying to hide her emotions for the next three weeks, I noticed a big change. She was not so keen about school. In fact after a week with a substitute teacher she came home devastated that he was leaving. I realized it was less about the loss of the sub teacher and more about Mrs. Ray’s return.

Despite my promise to HC to keep hush, “I flew like a bat out of hell” to see the Principal, who, ironically an “out” lesbian, was not surprised to see me show up on the issue; she mentioned that I was the fourth parent to complain about this lack of discretion on the part of the teacher. I explained that my child was extremely conflicted in trying to reconcile her respect and admiration for her teacher with her love and pride for her family. My child moved classroom and she adores her new teacher.

Fortunately, HC is back to being her happy self, but a deep and profound wound has been inflicted on her free and safe spirit.   If proposition 8 is upheld by the pending judicial decision, I truly believe that my child will suffer more emotional harm, through the perceived aberration of her family. It is so unjust and so unfair. Our children do not deserve to be the political pawns of the divisive and fearful bigots and religious right in our country.  We are family values and we are entitled to equality. My children are facts of life and they cannot be relegated to some second class category that diminishes us as a family. As a Mom I vow to carry on fighting for the sameness my babies, by virtue of their very existence deserve.

I have to show my child that our family is worth fighting for and that anything short of complete equality is simply not good enough.  I think this story illustrates the far reaching effects of de jure disqualification and the de facto reality of inequality. Whether we receive equal rights or not, nothing will derogate from the fact that we are here; us, our wives and our kids and nothing can or will ever change that simple fact.

Until such time as DOMA disappears, Prop 8 ditched- every US State allows gay marriage -our children will be marginalized as my daughter was when her teacher basically told her –‘You are not the same – you are not entitled.’

Blogged by MELANIE NATHAN, CEO of Private Courts, Inc. Consulting, mediation & private advocacy ; motivated by injustice, I blog about family law/mediation, politics, news and LGBT equality and anything that ‘tickles my fancy.’ Otherwise blogging as O-blog-dee-o-blog-da. Websites and blogs include: http://www.privatecourts.com; http://www.divorcemediators.us; www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com.

]]> http://lezgetreal.com/?feed=rss2&p=13261 5 http://lezgetreal.com/?p=11991 http://lezgetreal.com/?p=11991#comments Tue, 05 May 2009 04:00:08 +0000 Lezgetreal http://lezgetreal.com/?p=11991

We have just had one of the biggest doses of fear since the re-election campaign of George W. Bush.

Riots exploding in Europe, the economy continuing it’s endless plunge, air force one and fighter jets terrorizing New York? I mean what is going on here? And then this Swine Flu stuff on top of it?

Remember the old system of constant reporting the color code of terror all day every day? Remember: “We don’t know when it’s going to happen, but it’s going to happen!” Remember that? Now it’s: “This wasn’t the big one, but next fall we’re going to have the greatest crisis human kind has ever faced! It’s coming!”

I am not trying to be one of these fear mongers. I am not trying to scare you into buying something, or doing something for my benefit. I am simply trying to say that this company that makes this stuff is criminal, and should not be trusted.

The company that has requested to make the swine flu vaccine is called Baxter.  On March 6th 2009 multiple sources, including the Times of India, reported that they sent out the virus H5N1 to labs instead of a regular human flu in several different countries. The scientists who discovered this were shocked that they were shooting up their lab rats with a virus capable of mutating into a global killer, especially since they had already been using a human flu strain on them. That kind of cross contamination would have had grave consequences like… creating a virus like swine flu.

Baxter is supposedly under investigation for this by the WHO, but they do not seem all that concerned. It is, at the very least, criminally negligent. Do not trust these guys with your health, I’m telling you. Do not let them scare you into vaccinating your kids.

There is no current vaccine that will work against Swine Flu. That includes Tamiflu (which is being reported to cause severe mental disorders in teens).

If you go to the WHO website, they advise you:

The best scientific evidence available today is incomplete but suggests that seasonal vaccines will confer little or no protection against influenza A(H1N1).

All the hype to go get flu shots is nonsense. History does repeat itself.

In 1976, the first outbreak of Swine Flue killed just one person, but the vaccine killed twenty-five, and sickened thousands more. Don’t believe me? How about congressman Ron Paul, he’s in the government, he should know right?

In 2006 the UK  announced plans to inoculate every person in the country with Baxter’s vaccines in the event of a pandemic. Here in the states, they’re running mass inoculation practice drills on children in Alaska.

Please remember parents, that there is NO LAW that can require you to have your children shot up with this stuff. Do not be bullied. Do not be coerced by fear tactics, or threats. Make your own decision, and never let anyone make it for you.

Jenime is an artist living in the SF bay area. You can watch her musings and ravings any time by visiting her channel on YouTube.

My daughter had her first big kid birthday party over the weekend.

She is in 1st grade but goes to 2nd grade for somethings as well. Since she has friends in both classes invites were sent out to each child in the two classes she goes to. The reason this is such a big deal is Madison has four Moms.

My ex is her biological mom, and both of us have since gotten new partners.

So this makes for interesting parent-teacher conference. It must be a little different to have four Mommies descend upon you. So far her teachers have been amazing!

I take our Princess to school everyday and wait at the back of her line with the other parents until the teacher comes to take them to class.

Sometimes my partner is able to come as well so it is well known that Madison has two Moms but I’m not sure that people really get the full picture. So the RSVPs started to come in. By the deadline there were around 10 kids on the list. This wasn’t too bad. Some were from dance and longtime friends from outside of school. I was concerned that some were staying away to not deal with our family situation. This was really a first look for me at what could lie ahead for my daughter with making friends.

Then more people started to give late replies. By the time the party started in the park there were over 20 kids there.

All the parents had been asked to stay and my ex and I greeted them all while our partners monitored the kids and helped out with other party details. We spent time with each of the parents and all were very nice. Some kept to themselves and let the kids play. Others were very chatty and hung out under the ramada and had a great time. Some tried to get to know me better which was great. Not because I need more friends but because it might mean they will be more comfortable with their child playing with my child.

The party was a great success with the birthday girl and all her friends having a great time.

I’m grateful to those that came knowing what they were walking into. However, to those that showed up and were surprised I’m grateful for their attitude at the party. I hope that this small glimpse of the gays putting on the party showed them it’s just like any other kid birthday party they go to. The more parents can see us as just another family the better chance we might have the next time an election rolls around. Not only will they be voting against me but they are voting against a family whose kid plays with their kid.

This is just the start of worrying about her social life.

The question isn’t whether she can make friends but will those friends parents allow the relationship to happen. Time will tell but it feels nice to get this first test out of the way.

Lezzymom has two kids and a wonderful partner. Her political commentary has appeared on C-Span and CSPAN.org. Visit her Lezzymom blog for more of her insights.

If you have children you might find yourself becoming more of a pro in the area of multimedia. Do you ever stop and think about the ideas you are endorsing?

Children today are constantly exposed to various ideas through the media, and I myself have had to activate my ‘watchful eye’. It’s hard to keep an eye on every single thing that your child ever lays their eyes on! Honestly, it’s just not possible, but really mothers have to tackle this issue from the moment their child enters their life. Every single thing – and I mean everything – that your child is exposed to needs to be questioned, evaluated, and decided upon. What they eat, what they wear, what they see, what people say, the list goes on and on. The bottom line here is that the choices you make for your child affect their perception of the world and how they are going to interact with it in the future. If you have children you probably have had this realization hit home at one point or another. What I want to focus on here today is the choices that parents have to make in regards to multimedia. Parents seriously have to ask themselves what perceptions are being reinforced in the media that their kids are exposed to. What it comes down to here is that when we buy a product or service, we are also buying into an idea.

For example, let’s talk about the Disney Princesses.

These fictional women were put into the spotlight without any regards to the fact that they would become role models to millions of girls who would one day grow up to be women. One of the underlying messages of the stories involving the Disney Princesses is that in order for a girl to “live happily ever after” she has to marry the prince and become a princess. (You can read more about this in the New York Times article What’s Wrong With Cinderella?.) Disney is going to debut their first African American princess in 2009, and it will be interesting to see what the story line is there. Maybe one day they’ll evolve to where the Disney Princess lineup includes a Lesbian Princess!

I try to stay aware of the underlying messages that my children are exposed to through the many different forms of media that are available today.

There are songs on the radio, programs on TV, movies in the theaters, websites online, magazines and books in print, etc. Anything that has an image imprinted should definitely be evaluated, whether it’s an image in a book, a picture on a magazine cover, or a graphic on a t-shirt. Also, any book or song that uses hateful or racist words should be avoided. More than that however, anything produced with the intent of spreading ignorant or derogatory messages should be boycotted. I don’t purchase video games with guns and violence, or magazines with suggestive pictures or racy words on the cover. Any magazines, etc. that my wife and I might have with mature images or suggestive words on it is kept out of the eyes of our children. Music with adult language is also best kept for times when the children aren’t with us.

Because I am a lesbian mom, I am especially concerned with media that is anti-gay or that is ignorant of gay families.

Two-mom families, like any other family, need access to media that provides ideas and messages that they can identify with and support as mentioned in this article. We need prime time television shows with real live lesbians in them. We need mainstream magazines with gay and lesbian couples on the cover; and we need games, books, cartoons, and coloring pages for our kids too. I’d like to see a cooking show hosted by two-moms combining their knowledge to feed their family. I’d like to see a sitcom with a two-mom family, something like the show Everybody Loves Raymond. It would be nice to see lesbian fashion on the cover of Cosmo; or listen to a love song on the radio sung by a lesbian with the lyrics I love her. One day maybe the kids will even play a video game with lesbian characters saving the day, LOL.

My point here is that there is a definite need for Two-Mommy Media!

Here is a relevant quote from an article I wrote before on lesbophobia where I address the importance of endorsing companies that share your values:

…every dollar you spend, every website you click on, every radio station or TV channel you tune into lines somebody’s pockets. BE CONSCIOUS of whose pockets you are lining! Avoid endorsing media networks, websites, products, radio shows, and anything else that is produced by people or companies known for gay-bashing or otherwise supporting anyone or anything that is anti-gay. When musical artists like JaRule make negative statements towards the gay lifestyle (article)I refuse to further support their music. Companies like Gannett and General Electric offer health insurance for domestic partners of their employees and I will purchase and endorse their products as long as they continue to do so. –

More so than avoiding anti-gay media, it’s most important to support pro-gay media.

You’ll find that more and more gay and lesbian role models are emerging through the media, and the mainstream perspective is becoming more diverse despite anti-gay protest. You can show your support for the ideas that you personally endorse through the media that you choose, and which types of media you expose your children to if you are a parent. As a lesbian mom, it is important to me that gay families get more exposure in the mainstream media. (Especially when the mainstream media wants my lesbian money!) It would be nice for my children to turn on the TV and see families like theirs – and let’s face it we can’t watch The L Word with the kiddos. *wink

Here is a short list with links of ‘Two-Mommy Media’ available online:

Women In Love: Portraits of Lesbian Mothers & Their Families

Amazon Listmania! of Lesbian Family Books Compiled by Author Kaitlyn T. Considine of TwoMomBooks.com

Dottie’s Magic Pockets on DVD and Video Brought To You By Pink Pea Production Company

Two-Moms T-shirts and Gifts on CafePress

Calendars and Coloring Books from the Families Like Yours and Mine Website

And Buddy G: My Two Moms and Me has free coloring pages online.

Of course these are just a few examples of the types of media that send a pro-gay message.

You can also find a list of about a hundred different items for pro-gay families at FamilyEquality.org. If you are a lesbian mom like me, you are definitely going to want to take some time to browse these items and see what is available to you. You can also keep an eye on lesbian and bisexual women in the media and entertainment industry at the website AfterEllen.com which is brought to us by LOGO. I am looking forward to the day when media like this is available mainstream, and gay families are regarded with the same perspective as any other family in society.

I hope that this post has helped to shed some light on the needs of families like mine and the need for more Two-Mommy Media. Thank you for reading!

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

In my adventures as a lesbian mom, I have realized that my life has changed on every single level since I became domestic partners with Gina.

Something that was a subtle change for me was my shopping habits. What I noticed when I shop now is that I am buying items for another woman as a spouse, and that I’ve joined a unique category as a consumer that isn’t always accommodated in the retail world. For example, when shopping for gifts for each other, my wife and I have had some pretty interesting experiences in explaining to the salespeople what we are looking for. We are totally cool with coming out to the people who are providing customer service so that they can help us find what we’re looking for. It’s mostly an issue for my wife, who is more butch than I am. Say she goes to a lingerie store looking for lingerie as a gift for me, the salesperson might nervously ask her “Is this item going to be for you… or will it be a gift?” *LOL My wife is not the lingerie-wearing type, nor is she the type to wear perfume; she wears cologne. The perfume counter might ask her something like “Is this item for your mother?” It’s a very subtle probing question, and I think the real issue is that some employees aren’t trained to be sensitive to the needs of shoppers who might not necessarily be out to purchase something for a partner of the opposite sex.

It’s not always the salespeople who are probing, sometimes it’s the other shoppers.

I’ll give you a great example of what I am talking about…

I was shopping the Valentine Card section for cards for the wife and kids at Target. Well there is not a Gay and Lesbian Gift Card Section so I was choosing a card from the section titled “wife”. The sensation of being watched crept up and I noticed that to the immediate left of me were 3 women reading cards in the “husband” section and one was eyeing me with curiosity. Maybe she knew I was gay, maybe not. Who knows, who cares. Point is – there should be a freakin’ Gay and Lesbian section for gift cards and everything else too!! *LOL

Although, buying clothes for each other is not so bad.

Most people don’t pay any mind to a woman who shops for clothes. (*wink) I think that going to the shoe store falls into the same category as clothes. Buying office supplies is unisex, and so is going to the mall or buying fast food. Another unisex shopping experience is going to any stores that have to do with the kids such as GameStop. (Nobody cares whether you are butch or femme at GameStop.)

Some funny shopping experiences are shopping for the house at places like Home Depot and for personal products at the pharmacy.

Like I said we are out so we are calling each other the usual pet names and holding hands like every other couple; plus the kids are calling both of us Mom so it’s no secret that we are a lesbian couple raising kids together. We pretty much go everywhere as a family together, and we’ll all 4 be together at Home Depot and the workers will usually tell my partner all the instructions and details since she’s butch. They don’t consider the fact that they should be talking to me because I’m the one with the lipstick on, when I’m the one who does the dirty work when the toilet needs a fixin’. That’s just how we roll – sometimes she bakes and sometimes I fix the toilet. (*LOL) Recently we had some fun with the people at CVS too, when we had to buy some pregnancy tests. Come on… you know they were wondering which one of us it was for! HAHAHA

Dining out, traveling, and checking into hotels is an interesting experience as well.

We went on a cruise to the Bahamas in 2006, and we stayed in Florida a few nights as well. We rented a car from the airport, stopped for breakfast at IHOP and checked into the Ramada. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife when my wife and I walked into those places. People will ask us if we are sisters when we’re holding hands or if they see us kiss. Sometimes I would think to myself “Dude – you would rather believe I am kissing my sister than fathom that there are real live lesbians standing in front of you???” In any case, we’re aware of how others are looking at our actions so we are sure that we keep it real and don’t let people keep us from enjoying ours meals, etc.

Some places that I do like to go together are the spa, getting our hair done, and going to the beauty supply store.

The workers at these places are usually very welcoming to the both of us because we are both women, and this can be a refreshing retreat from Home Depot since we are being regarded as equals. (*smile) Another place that treats us this way is the internet so we do a LOT of shopping online. We don’t do our grocery shopping online, that’s one thing we like to do is go grocery shopping together. The only weird tensions come from other shoppers who actually care enough to realize that we are lesbian moms, and might be uncomfortable with it; but honestly that doesn’t happen that often at the Albertson’s that we go to. We’ve never had that experience at Ralph’s, although we do like to go to smaller type grocery stores sometimes and that’s always a toss up on how it’s gonna go.

The issue of shopping for a two mommy family has been a really subtle experience that I’ve noticed recently and thought that I would share with you.

I hope that this post has made you think a bit about how you shop. Every dollar you spend grows a business somewhere. Stores exist because of consumers and some of those consumers are gay! Companies should expand to include products for the LGBT community – and other under-represented communities as well – if they want to continue to prosper in the New Millennium. Society is evolving towards an attitude of acceptance and consumers like me notice the subtle differences.

Thank you so much for reading this post and I hope that you’ll visit again soon.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

For most of my life, I was fairly able to avoid the topic of religion and any life decisions that came along with it.

Lately however, I’ve come face to face with some hard decisions to make in the department of religion because of my children. When it comes to life’s mysteries, it can be hard to know what to believe yourself, let alone what to teach your children to believe. As a lesbian mom, I’ve also come face to face with the choices that other people have made for themselves with their own religious beliefs and how they feel about homosexuality. In my journeys through my religious options, I’ve been on the receiving end of harsh judgment and total acceptance; bearing witness to the opposite extremes of emotions that religious people can have towards me once they discover I am a lesbian. Navigating the choices I have had to make about religion as a lesbian mom has been an interesting experience, and I felt like it was important to share what I’ve gone through with you.

My family baptized me as a Catholic when I was a baby. Then they converted when I was about twelve and I was ‘re-born’ as a Christian.

I remember at some point also going to other types of churches, and my mother even trying out her hand as a Jehovah’s Witness. As an adult, I was very confused about my own religious beliefs and whether I believed in God, and I lived a life of questioning what I was raised to believe in even though I didn’t really know what I believed in. I felt like religion was supposed to provide me with some sort of answer to life’s big questions and mysteries, yet all I was filled with was more unanswered questions. At some point I just decided that I didn’t know if I believed in a God or if I didn’t, and that was that.

When I had my first child in 2000, I realized that I would have to come to some sort of decision about what I believed in because now I was also responsible for the life of another human being.

The issue of religion came up right away because my family wanted the baby to be baptized in a church even though I didn’t want to commit to any one religion. I managed to avoid the issue by hiring a non-denominational minister to perform a ‘dedication ceremony’ in an outdoor setting. This was dedicating my son’s life to the “greater good” so I felt that I was satisfying the part of me that wanted some sort of belief in a Higher Power and also the part that didn’t believe. I was still questioning, and managed to keep things that way… for a little while.

I had a tough time after my son was born – I had another baby right before my marriage totally fell apart, and then came out as a lesbian right after.

Having been to the Catholic and Christian Sunday schools and bible studies, it was ingrained in me that divorce was a big no-no and so was being a lesbian. I went through a lot of emotional turmoil, self doubt, self hatred, and questioning of life during that period of time. I am so blessed that I had my two children and Gina during that time because they were really what kept me going through it all. I really had to come to terms with the choices that I had made and reconcile them with the religious beliefs I had been taught. I went in search of answers and I took the time to find them. Now I don’t consider myself to be religious, I say that I am ‘spiritual’, but honestly I still haven’t taken the time to baptize or dedicate my youngest child as of yet. She is going to be 6 in July. Now, I have taken so long to make a choice about what religious beliefs to instill as a lesbian mom, that this child is about ready to tell me what religion to choose herself! *LOL

Our oldest is 7 and the youngest is 5, and I think I’ve avoided the issue of religion as much as I can.

They can both read now, and understand adult conversations. They notice things, and remember stuff, and have questions about everything. Just like me, they want to know. It’s hard to know what to say when a child asks you what happens when we die, or who is Jesus. My son has practiced meditation because he saw it on a cartoon, and knows what a Buddhist monk looks like when he sees one because of a family movie we watched once. Another family movie, called Fluke, is about a dog who remembers a past life as a husband and father. That movie inspired a ton of questions from the kids and made me realize that I really needed to decide what I was going to teach my kids to believe.

If you are a member of the LGBT community (with children or not) this issue is one that is going to come up at one point or another in your life.

Many religions are anti-gay and discourage homosexuality, considering homosexuals to be what Hindu society refers to as pariah or outcasts. There are some Christian denominations and other religions that are accepting of members of the LGBT community. If you are a lesbian, bi-sexual, trans-sexual or gay man, you are really going to have to do your homework if you are looking for an accepting place of worship in your area. You are going to want to determine if you are going to have any problems with discrimination first before you show up. (Read this article about a lesbian couple from the United States who was denied communion at their local parish after they were married in Canada.) Over the past few years Gina and I have had baptisms, weddings, and funerals to attend in different types churches and at a funeral for my father’s aunt, a man who seemed to be the guy in charge literally put his hand up and stopped us asking me “Is that your sister?” I said “No, this is my wife.” This guy had to think for a minute before he stepped aside and said “Okay you can go in.” I couldn’t believe it. One church I attended without Gina asked me if I had a husband and told me that the next time I went I had to take my husband… yikes!!

You can research different religions online before you go, and determine which places of worship that you endorse and which you want to avoid.

When you attend, be wary of the materials they provide such as brochures and prayer books. You’ll also want to listen to the songs that the choir sings and determine if the message being delivered is one that you endorse. We took our children to a Methodist church this past Easter for a re-enactment of The Last Supper. The kids are old enough to read the words in the song books now and it was sooo cute to see them read and sing about love and kindness! I would have been upset if the kids were ever subjected to the discrimination that Gina and I have. Instead, my heart was beaming with gratefulness to see the kids participate in activities like symbolic washing of the hands of the person sitting next to you, plus the sharing of bread and punch. They had a ton of questions that night for sure!

In any case here is what Wikipedia says about religion and homosexuality:

Though the relationship between homosexuality and religion can vary greatly across time and place, within and between different religions and sects, and regarding different forms of homosexuality and bisexuality, current authoritative bodies and doctrines of the world’s largest religions generally view homosexuality negatively. This can range from quietly discouraging homosexual activity, to explicitly forbidding same-sex sexual practices among adherents and actively opposing social acceptance of homosexuality. Some teach that homosexual orientation itself is sinful, while others assert that only the sexual act is a sin. Some claim that homosexuality can be overcome through religious faith and practice. On the other hand, voices exist within each of these religions that view homosexuality more positively, and liberal religious denominations may even bless same-sex marriages. Some view same-sex love and sexuality as sacred, and a mythology of same-sex love can be found around the world.

Here is a list of books from Amazon on the subject of LGBT Religion and Spirituality:

- Reclaiming The Spirit: Gay Men and Lesbians Come to Terms with Religion here

- Coming Out Within: Stages of Spiritual Awakening for Lesbians and Gay Men here

- From Wounded Hearts: Faith Stories Of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, And Transgender People And Those Who Love Them here

- Equal Rites: Lesbian and Gay Worship, Ceremonies, and Celebrations here

- Lesbian Rabbis: The First Generation here

- Qu(e)erying Evangelism: Growing a Community From the Outside In here

- Face to Face: Gay And Lesbian Clergy on Holiness And Life Together here

- Are There Closets in Heaven?; A Catholic Father and Lesbian Daughter Share their Story here

- Waiting for the Call: From Preacher’s Daughter to Lesbian Mom here

What I have found is that the main religious denominations where you can find total gay acceptance are:

Metropolitan Community Church
Unitarian Universalist Church
United Church of Christ
United Church of Canada
Paganism
Neopagan
Wiccan

Some congregations of the following denominations are accepting of the LGBT community:

Christian Reformed Church
Church of the Nazarene
Presbyterian
Anglican
Lutheran
Reformed Judaism
New Apostolic
Religious Society of Friends (Quaker)
The Unification Church

And here are some denominations which do not endorse homosexuality yet do support the human rights of the gay community:

Buddhism
Taoism
Confucianism
The United Methodist Church

There are also many spiritual centers emerging as places of worship as well with a focus on gay worshippers.

Once you’ve decided which belief system works for you, I suggest reaching out to others of the same faith for support and fellowship.

Meetup.com is a great place to meet others of the same faith. There are so many religions to choose from in society that I couldn’t possibly cover them all here in this article. I encourage you to do your homework and follow your heart!

Here are some websites where you can find out more about religion for lesbians and others in the LGBT community:

- Article: Lesbian caught between religion and outside world here

- Article: Religion and Homosexuality here

- Article: Lesbian Faith without Fear here

- Faith in America here

- OUT Faith here

- The Gay Religion Blog here

- Gay Church.org here

- A Lesbians Faith.com here

- Interfaith Advocates LGBT here

- Lesbian and Gay Studies in Religion here

- Lesbian Life Religion and Spirituality here

- Religion on Gay City USA here

- Gay and Lesbian Mormons here

- GLBT Catholics here

- LGBT Episcopalians here

- Gay and Lesbian Atheists and Humanists here

- LGBT Jewish Organizations here

- Gay and Lesbian Quakers here

- The Gay and Lesbian Vaishnava Association here

- More Light Presbyterians here

- Lutherans Concerned here

The road to religious choices is definitely an interesting one.

I hope that I was able to give you a good jumpstart with the resources I’ve collected above. Finding a place of worship where you feel accepted is the ultimate goal, and I wish you the best on that journey. Feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts and insights on navigating religion as a lesbian if you can.

Until next post stay well and be safe.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

There is a blog for families online with imaginative stories for kids and their parents – Story Time Online.

The blog and stories are owned and published by a lesbian blogger you might all know and love… me! *wink* I thought I would let you all know about my story time blog, because I know that some of you have kids, and/or nieces and nephews. I myself am referred to as “Mommy” and “Auntie JuJu” by the kids in my family, and my blog with stories was created with them in mind. I have many kids in my life, and a lot of them are spread around the United States. Sometimes I don’t get to see them until they are taller than me, and by then I feel like I’ve missed my chance to impart knowledge. Hopefully this blog will help with that! Even if it doesn’t the stories I created are definately unique, very imaginative, and my kids love them. Well, I’m their mom so they have to love them! LOL

Anyhow, the best thing about Story Time Online is all the features!

Each story comes with a text version for the kids to practice reading, plus an audio version too! There are fun games, videos, and a radio player with children’s songs and lots more throughout the site. I try to post a new story each Tuesday, and there are a few different characters I’ve created with different learning themes in each story. There is also a Story Time Online social network for fans to discuss their favorite characters, get the latest crafts and activities, and a whole lot more!

The stories are created by me, a lesbian mom, but the characters are animals so children from all families can relate.

One major difference between my stories and others you will notice is that each character has a different living situation. Hopefully this blog will help to raise awareness in our youth that there are many different types of households out there, and they may learn a thing or two about self esteeem, listening to your elders, and making good life choices. I’ve always been a good story-teller, and hopefully by creating this blog I will have used that skill to make a positive change in the world.

So if you have young kids in your life, take some time to visit Story Time Online and let me know what you think.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

There is a website with tools that are helping lesbian moms and their children to raise awareness of families like ours.

Buddy G: My Two Moms and Me is a cartoon especially for gay families with a website to match found at www.BuddyG.tv. I was able to watch a clip of the first episode of the Buddy G cartoon on the website, and I have to say I was excited to see another cartoon where families like mine are represented. I was even more excited when I found that the Buddy G TV website also offers printable cartoon pages, online jigsaw puzzles, and related videos for LGBT families. I printed out a few of the coloring pages right away, and slipped them into the pile of pages during coloring time, then put them on the fridge for the world to see. Since then, many visitors to my home have commented on the Buddy G coloring pages, and how cool they are. I feel like they walk away with a little more of a sense of how normal gay families really are.

When I ventured in to learn a bit more about Buddy G and how I could get the DVD, I found that Buddy G has received a lot of press and media attention, while promoting other two-mommy media such as the DVD Dottie’s Magic Pockets. I fell in like with Buddy G right away and he is now a friend of mine on MySpace. *smile* I learned from Donna, Margaux and Grayson, the family behind Buddy G, that one little girl carries the DVD in her backpack to prove to other kids that “there are lots of families like hers – they even have a cartoon!” This is awesome to know, because children of lesbian moms are being validated as equally as special as all the other children in the world since they are represented in a cartoon. The Buddy G DVD and website is great for showing children of lesbian moms that they are not the only children in the world with two moms, and helps to reinforce a positive view of LGBT families. Plus sharing the coloring pages with my nieces and nephews shows them that their Aunties aren’t the only ones with a two mommy family.

Here is what the Buddy G website says about how the show came to be:

We know we are a minority and that most kids have a mom and a dad, but for little guys like our son we thought wouldn’t it be grand if there were something more available to them. Something like a cartoon, like a Caillou with two moms or dads. The more we talked about it the more important it became. It was almost like, if we didn’t do something about it after we had this fantastic idea, then we were somehow being irresponsible parents. So out of that, “Buddy G” was born. It took longer, cost more and was way harder then we thought it would be, but we couldn’t be happier or more proud of the cartoon and the potential it represents. “Buddy G” has added incredible joy to our family and we hope he adds a little happiness to yours.

Sincerely,

Margaux, Donna and Grayson

I feel a sense of relief that there are people out there like Donna, Margaux and Grayson who are brave enough to fill the void in the LGBT community for two-mommy media, and provide tools to help lesbian moms and their children to raise awareness for LGBT families in a fun and positive way. It’s also good to know that the Buddy G website is expanding in the near future to provide even more Buddy G fun and games for the kids. If you are a lesbian mom, there are also fun things for you at the Buddy G website too! You can find videos and more for LGBT parents here. In the meantime, you can order the DVD below plus you can add Buddy G as your friend on MySpace here.

I am really looking forward to the expansion of the Buddy G TV website, and for other two mommy media products to provide awareness tools for their products such as coloring pages and online games for the children. Even something as simple as seeing a two mommy family on paper helps make the world more aware of how normal an LGBT family really is. Thanks Buddy G!.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

I say that I ‘became’ a lesbian mom because I’ve been a straight mom, a single mom, and a lesbian mom.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mother and when I was young I fantasized about having two children by the time I was 25 years old then working on a career once they were in school. Of course this charted me on course for having kids as soon as I was considered grown. By the time I was 19 I was engaged to the first guy who asked me to marry him, and I moved off to New York to start a life with him.

Unfortunately, before the wedding could take place I learned that having children with him was not going to happen. This was enough for me to call the wedding off and come back to Cali, where I decided I was going to be an independent woman. I had a short glimpse of what it was like to be a housewife living with my ex in NY, and I was determined not to fall in love or become attached again anytime soon. I started dating a little after a few months and even let my sister convince me to go out with her husband’s best friend and you’ll never guess what happened…

I got pregnant.

Whoops!

The sad part is that I had a miscarriage about six weeks into it. What happened there though is I got the baby bug in me again and you know what I did… I married the best friend. (*Re-living this is a lil’ painful I might add!) I really wanted to have children, and well, he said that he did too. So about a year later we got married, and three months later I had my new bun in the oven. YAY for the bun!!

That little bun is my little boy… Noah.

He’s seven years old now, and having him really changed my priorities in a snap. Ever since he was born I’ve been doing my best to be the best mom that I can. Even though having my son was the best thing that had happened to me, at the time it was the most confusing phase of my life. The relationship with his father was an illusion of what a relationship should have been, and it was clear to me right away that we needed something different.

I separated from my husband for a few months, and really enjoyed my time as a single mom.

It was during that time that I started exploring who I was more and trying to enjoy life. Gina was a friend of my mom and sisters, and I began to get close with her during this time as well. I hadn’t ever really looked at her as someone I could have a relationship with, I just knew that I really enjoyed her company. With my new found outlook on life though, I was open to the idea and when she expressed her romantic interest in me I accepted the invitation.

This is where things got really confusing and tangled and sordid and everything in between. (*sigh)

Here I was a single mom, estranged from my husband, establishing my independence, and exploring my sexuality. Hmmmmm… can anyone spell ‘recipe for disaster?’ Long story short, I was falling for Gina and loving my independence, but I tried to do what was best for my son and went back to work things out with his father. Try to guess what happened next??

I got pregnant. (again)

Whoops For The 2nd Time.

Needless to say, Gina was never speaking to me again, and I was stuck with the best friend.

Or so it seemed!

In a twisted turn of events, when I was 8 months pregnant with baby #2, Noah’s father was diagnosed with Cancer. (*definately not good.) After the baby was born we began a round of surgeries and medications and luckily he was able to eliminate the illness from his body. What happened here though is that we took a really good look at our lives, and our future together.

Baby #2 was a girl, Trinity Marie – born 2 years apart to the day from her brother.

My divorce was final a few months after her second birthday.

And of course – in true form of lesbians before me – I filed for Domestic Partnership with the True Love of My Life, Gina Phineas, just FIVE DAYS after my divorce was final.

(And yes, there was a U-haul involved. *LOL)

So now here I find I have evolved into the role of Lesbian Mom, and my wifey, well, she gets named Recruiter of The Millennium by butch girls everywhere with their eye on the married woman down the street. *HaHaHa

We’ve covered a bit of ground together, and I’ve even got the woman’s last name!

She is ‘Mama’ and I am ‘Mommy’, and even though we have baby daddy drama now and then, the situation works and the kids are doing great! Noah is running for 2nd grade Student Council and Trinity is trying her best not to stand on the tables in Kindergarten. Gina and I have embraced marriage and parenting together (we complement each other very well) and have even entered the world of lesbian baby making!

Even though I’ve been a straight mom, a single mom, and a lesbian mom, one thing that is constant is that I am just a mom.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes because I was very naïve when I had my children and had them while I was still young; plus I faced the challenges of coming to terms with my sexuality and life choices at the same time. What I’ve learned through it all after all the parenting classes, books, and advice is that the one choice that always works is to do what is in the best interest of your child. This may not always be in the best interests of yourself or others, but I can say with confidence that it works for the children!

Whether you have babies, toddlers, schoolsters or teens… being a mom is a tough gig, lesbian or not, and I hope that thru my posts I am able to shed some light for others out there on what it is like to be a parent from the perspective of a lesbian.

I hope that you enjoyed reading about how I became a lesbian mom and I look forward to sharing more of my insights as a lesbian mom with you soon. Have a great weekend and take care out there in the world! Much Love and Peace.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

Family
Image uploaded by Drab Makyo

Family Pride is a relatively new idea towards gay and lesbian pride.

The idea of family pride has grown lately as more same sex couples are becoming parents. Gay families are increasing as domestic partner and civil union rights expand, more employers are providing health benefits for partners and their children, and the general acceptance of gays and lesbians is on the rise. ‘Gay Pride’ and ‘Rainbow Pride’ are giving way to the changes to include ‘Family Pride’ as well. Family Pride festivals are fast becoming the replacement for gay families to the traditional and un-family friendly Gay Pride parades.

As a lesbian mom with experience in this department, let me tell you that attending a traditional Gay Pride parade with children is not advised.

Wifey and I tried to do the Long Beach, CA Pride Parade with the kids one year. We planned to attend the Los Angeles Pride Festival as well, but after the experience at Long Beach Pride we took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese instead! Nowadays though, there are many options for gay families, such as the cruises offered by R Family Cruises, Olivia.com and Family Pride Festivals worldwide.

More and more same sex couples are becoming parents together, evolving their relationship and their gay pride!

A lot of things change when you have children, regardless of your sexual orientation. But I think the evolution of Family Pride is inevitable for gay families because of the change in issues that are faced. As a gay man or lesbian woman with no children the issues that would affect you the most would be issues such as gays in the military, discrimination in the workplace, finding a church, etc. Once you have children with your same sex partner however, the issues expand to include finding an LGBT friendly pediatrician, harassment at school, health benefit and tax issues, custody rights etc. etc. etc. The more you face these issues as a gay parent, the more your Gay Pride evolves to Family Pride.

An organization named The Family Equality Council emphasizes the need for gay families to become visible in society to help the cause for gay family equality.

You can read on their website about the importance of gay dads and lesbian moms becoming active members of society in an effort to put a positive face on the gay family. There is even a website from the Freedom to Marry Foundation dedicated to putting “a face on equality” by having gay families submit their photos. (I submitted our family photo!)

In any case, gay families are encouraged to embrace Family Pride and become more involved in the fight for Family Equality.

LGBT rights are established more and more each day, and there are many resources available to The New Gay Family. One way to get involved is to display your pride with Family Pride merchandise for you, your partner, and your children. For example we bought our daughter a shirt that says ‘I love my mommies’ on it. She was a baby when we bought it and it was too big. Now she is bigger and it fits, but she knows what it says now and loves it. It’s refreshing to see how much Family Pride is expanding over the years. I look forward to the expansion of Family Equality and equal rights for same sex couples worldwide as well! Thank you so much for reading this post and stay well until next time.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.