02/08/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

The Samantha Ronson/Lindsay Lohan romance has been off for a few months now. There have been reports of Lohan dating men, even another DJ that Ronson is acquainted with. When Ronson was asked by paparazzi how she felt about that, she wished Lohan luck with her new romance. Over the past two weeks, there has been more reports of Lohan’s erratic behavior when it comes to Ronson. First, Ronson asked paparazzi if Lohan was sending them after her on purpose. Given Lohan’s relationship with the paparazzi, this seems possible. Also, witnesses at clubs say that Lohan has been grinding with other women in front of Ronson, to try and make her jealous. Lohan has thrown a drink in Ronson’s face and Ronson herself admitted that she got kicked out of a club because Lohan kept flicking cigarette butts at her.

Despite the witnessed violent behavior from Lohan towards Ronson, Lohan is claiming that Ronson is the one who has been throwing the punches, literally. A source has exclusively spoken to Radaronline.com saying:

One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head,” the source told RadarOnline.com. “She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her.

“She also said that Sam even punched and choked her one time.”

Ronson has not responded to these allegations. However, they seem out of character for the lesbian DJ, who kept a low profile before her romance with Lohan. No past girlfriends of Ronson’s have come forward to verify this type of behavior on Ronson’s part. I would assume that they are false until proven, because that is the kind of rumor that can ruin someone’s life. Domestic abuse accusations aren’t something one should participate in out of anger towards an ex-girlfriend.

These accusations are very serious. Abuse by a partner is a huge issue and shouldn’t be taken lightly. The LBQ community doesn’t necessarily embrace an open dialogue about domestic violence or rape within our own community, but it happens. Let’s hope that in this case, where there is smoke there isn’t fire.

Related articles by Zemanta

• saMAN Beats Lindsanity?! (perezhilton.com)
• Lindsay Lohan Throws Drink In Samantha Ronson’s Face (huffingtonpost.com)
• Lindsay Lohan Accuses Sam Ronson Of Beating, Choking Her (huffingtonpost.com)

Melanie Nathan, Posting  an UPDATE on our BREAKING NEWS Article  – San Diego Police Investigate City Heights Deaths as a Murder-suicide (lezgetreal.com):

 San Diego Police Department conducted a welfare check at an apartment where officers found two bodies around in an apparent murder suicide.  

 GLTNN reports that the two bodies found were Eric Schulthise, a SeaWorld employee and Robert “Bob” Agnew, a former Naval Academy instructor. The respected and well-liked Schulthise was a regular in the Bear community, attending many fundraisers and events throughout the city. He was also a frequent go-go dancer at Bacchus House Bear Night. Schulthise and Agnew dated off and on from September through December 2009.

 According to the San Diego Union-Tribune, SDPD confirmed that a gun was found in the apartment. Homicide Detectives are investigating further.

 Fox also reported that neighbors have witnessed the two men arguing in front of the complex. Gun shots were heard and reported but it seems that the Police may not have shown up until a day later. 

 The deaths of both Schulthise and Agnew have stunned and deeply saddened many in the San Diego community. Since the news was reported, Schulthise’s Facebook page has been flooded with messages of condolence from people everywhere. Those close to both men were aware that the one-time couple had relationship troubles that eventually led to their break-up in mid-December.

SDPD has not yet released details on the murder-suicide investigation. GLTNN has learned from sources close to both men that a three-page suicide note was left, addressed to one of the men’s roommates.  We will report further developments as updates in this breaking news story on this same post on this site. Interested readers should subscribe to these comments and posts. 

 By Melanie Nathan nathan@privatecourts.com

 Related articles by Zemanta

• San Diego Police Investigate City Heights Deaths as a Murder-suicide (lezgetreal.com)

Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I will be dishing out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career, family and fashion issues. Are your friends tired of trying to come up with the solutions to your problems? Are your friends the problem? Did your mom surprise you with a date with the nice guy at her office? I’m here to help!

 Dear Femme,

My name is J* and I have been dating this girl named A for like 10 month. When we first started dating I knew she didn’t want a relationship. At that time I didn’t either I was just picking myself up from a bad situation with school. At the time we were talking she was talking to another girl that seemed to be there first, she faded away because of her jealousy and now they are friends. A soon after lost her job and I supported her. Things got better and we started to be intimate and feelings grew. Then A said that it felt too much like a relationship and she didn’t want it. We said we loved each other and I told her I wanted us to be together and this made her mad and now we aren’t speaking. I want to be with her but I don’t know if I’m living in a dream world and refuse to see that she doesn’t want me or if what she is asking is for the best for me and her.

Hello J,

Thanks for writing in. I’m sorry about your situation with A, it sounds like she is sending you a lot of mixed signals. It’s not right for her to continue your intimate relationship when she knows you want it to be more than just sex. So, J, you will have to be the one to walk away from this before you invest more time, energy and apparently, cash. You have showed A that you are a generous, caring person. A is not into you, she is leading you on and playing games with you. Cut your losses, move on. Find a girl who wants a relationship, has a steady job and will appreciate your many great qualities. I’m sure it’s A’s loss, not yours! Good luck and let me know how it turns out.

Dear Femme,

S*

Hello S,

Thanks for writing in. There is a lot going on in this question, but I think there is a very clear answer. You write that you want to break up or separate but your girlfriend doesn’t want to. That doesn’t matter. If you want to be single, she doesn’t get a say. Tell her very firmly that you don’t desire a relationship any longer, that you want to be single so that you can have fun and that you will decide upon a fair way to split your shared assets. Please don’t lead your girlfriend on because you “like having her around the house.” She needs to get out of the house, learn how to support herself and find someone who will love her, value her and be monogamous with her. Staying together isn’t fair to either one of you.

Good luck S and let me know how it works out.
     
Dear Femme,

I’d like to know, who the fem is behind this column? BTW I am bored. I’m hardly bored but I am rested and have nothing to do right now. I guess that is my problem.

Curious

Hello Curious,

If you want to know who I am, you can check out my LGR profile. http://lezgetreal.com/?p=21624  

I’m sorry that you are bored. But there are TONS of things you can do.

Go for a walk

Go to the gym

Call an old friend

Call a family member you miss

Text your crush

Hang out in your local coffee shop and smile at cute girls

 Write a short story

Write a novel

Clean your apartment

Go shopping

Enroll in a cooking class

Go to the library and smile at the cute girls

Check out the rest of the great articles on Lez Get Real!

Good luck Curious and let me know what you ended up doing!

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

*Names have been changed

Related articles by Zemanta

• Lez Ask the Femme: Dating Sucks (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Stumbling Blocks (lezgetreal.com)

By, Melanie Nathan, January 28, 2010. Janet Jenkins, mother of Isabelle made her first TV appearance on Nightline today, since the abduction of her daughter by the non-custodial mother, Lisa Miller. Lezgetreal’s Bridgette P. LaVictoire has been covering this story and there are many related posts on Lezgetreal to refer to for the chronology of events and fact pertaining to the bitter custody battle between the two mothers.

Miller had withheld Isabella from seeing Jenkins, disregarding the Court ordered visitation. The child, born of the Civil Union between the moms, has been registered as a missing child with the National Center for Missing Children since Miller failed to show up for a handing over of custody.

“ All I want,” says Jenkins, “is a healthy relationship with my child. You don’t just drop a parent and walk away. I believe the church is involved in hiding her. It is barbaric to suggest that 2 moms can’t raise child”

They split when Isabella was 17 months old. Lisa Miller went to Virginia, and the moms entered into an amicable custody plan, with Jenkins driving 8 hour journeys to be with Isabella over weekend. Lisa became an ex-gay born again, and suddenly Jenkins was a sinner.

For the first time we were able to see the authenticity (not that I ever doubted it) of Jenkins’ side, through her expressions of longing and resolve. Janet Jenkins has been through hell and one can only imagine what the child has suffered.

Let us start with the day that Lisa Miller, born again Christian ex-lesbian, embraced and towed at the nose by the remnants of Jerry Farwell via Liberty Church, et al – decided that the other mother, Jenkins was no longer worthy and in Jenkins words “Suddenly I was a sinner.” “She made Isabella call me by my first name instead of mommy.”

With Christian supporting groups claiming that Miller is the perfect mother, what decent parent would subject their own child to a sudden removal, which a child perceives as abandonment, from a parent the child has known and loved from the day the child was born. The child felt pain at that parting- what kind of mother allows that to happen? Based on that alone, Jenkins deserves her custody and the child deserves a rational parent who does not place her need above that of the child.

After hearing Janet Jenkins speak and seeing the Videos on TV, I became more entrenched in my stance, that Miller is not a worthy parent – and that is how the Courts see such severe cases of parental alienation as well – that is why the Courts are perfectly correct to take the child and give her to the one parent that probably would never have alienated the child from the other.

Lisa Miller has got what she deserved. But Isabelle must suffer a loss yet again – simply because of the incompetency of her mother to acknowledge the orders of the Court. The injustice and deprivation of the relationship between Isabella and her mother cannot be rewarded in any way. That is why Miller has lost custody. Biology does not factor in here. These moms had an established relationship and decided to inseminate together.

Any reader who has gone through this process, as a non-bio mom in a lesbian couple knows what an intense process it is and the leap of faith in is to allow the other mother to carry the child, may not seem as such at the time, when in good faith and love it is procure as a act for both parents. But in all cases both lesbian moms really want their baby and trust in the shared parenthood. To simply decide that a mother is not a mother anymore is absolutely heart wrenching and unconscionable on every level.

“I am looking for my daughter and whenever the phone rings I expect it is someone telling me where she is at.” She reminisced that having the baby was “the best high in the world,” as a picture of her beaming face next to the newly born Isabella came up on the screen.

Judge Cohen, Vermont Superior Court in Rutland, has given Lisa until 2/23 to return the child or she could be arrested for contempt. Jenkins is seriously concerned for Isabella’s well being, remarking, “ Lisa is dangerous, vulnerable and desperate and capable of anything.”

“I will not give up,” said Jenkins and Isabella will come home – her room and Christmas gifts are here waiting for her.”

Anyone with information regarding Isabella’s and Lisa’s whereabouts is asked to call the Center for Missing and Exploited Children at 1-800-843-5678 or the Bedford County Sheriff’s Office at 540-586-4800.

By Melanie Nathan
Nathan@privatecourts.com
www.privatecourts.com

Related articles by Zemanta

• Janet Jenkins To Appear On Nightline To Discuss Isabella’s Disappearance (lezgetreal.com)
• Lesbian Mom Speaks Out in Custody Battle (abcnews.go.com)
• Janet Jenkins To Appear On Nightline To Discuss Isabella’s Disappearance (topix.net)
• Va. woman fails to give up child to ex-partner (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• Janet Jenkins Custody Mom- asks Public For Help see CNN Video (lezgetreal.com)
• Center for Missing Children: Now Listed As a Missing / Child Jenkins v. Miller (lezgetreal.com)

by  Melanie Nathan;     ’We have been reporting that ex-lesbian Lisa Miller failed to show up to hand over the child to her ex partner, custodial mom, Janet Jenkins as ordered by a Vermont Court Judge.  Miller’s contempt proceeding will be heard in Vermont this week.  If the Judge orders Ms. Miller in contempt, then I guess (this is for you Debbie Thurman) that you prayers worked.    I am sure the Judge does not take kindly to his orders being abused.   Ms. Miller’s game must come to an end. She is using the Court System in a way that is simply unconscionable.

 Is the Liberty Groups, Attorneys for Miller, and Thurman and ex-lesbian groups  receiving Miller’s instruction and where and how? Are they aiding and abetting this commission of contempt? 

 Ms. Miller is trying to pave her way to the Supremes for help – but I personally do not believe there is any landmark to be made from mere religious fervor such as this.

 From LGR we say – Lisa – We urge you to come out of the forest and into the light – bring Isabella to Court this week, so you can hand her over to Janet at Court, instead of going through the contempt proceding.  There is always a chance to make amends and work towards a happier situation.

By Melanie Nathan, nathan@privatecourts.com

Related articles by Zemanta

• Lesbian Mom Janet Jenkins Asks Public For Help To Find Her Daughter (topix.net)
• Debbie Thurman: the source of Lisa’s last communication (topix.net)

Melanie Nathan Posts: -    In October  California Governor Schwarzenegger Signed into Law The Marriage Recognition and Family Protection Ac and today 1/1/10, as it takes effect,  LGBTQ relationships can start to enjoy a measure of validity in California. 

While Prop 8 ‘ers thought we would go away, all that they effectively accomplished was to stop marriages from taking place in the Cities and Counties of California. The impact of this new legislation is to establish equal treatment for same-sex spouses, regardless of where they were legally married or will be in the future. Which means that the end result of Prop 8’s impact is on the economy.  California stood to make millions of dollars and the losers are the businesses.  So whomever of you voted for prop 8, and thought you had taken away our rights, you are dead wrong.   I hope you realize that in essence you lost because we have many places to go and get married. 

 Because now by virtue of this new law which took effect today,  even though we cannot tie the knot in California, if we are married in another State or Country, we will be treated as if we are married once back home in California.

There is nothing stopping us from marrying elsewhere and then coming home where we will now have the much needed protections and will be treated like any other married couple.   Ultimately, however,  we must restor marriage because we deserve and ought to have our equality in headlights, not masked by the rescue of legislation that still sts us a part. Thanks to Mark Leno for his leadership on this Act.

Bill Number: SB 54
This bill would clarify California family law to explicitly recognize marriages of same-sex couples performed out-of-state prior to November 5, 2008. The bill would also explicitly recognize marriages of same-sex couples performed out-of-state after that date as carrying all the same rights and responsibilities that spouses receive although without the designation of marriage.

Posted by Melanie Nathan.
nathan@privatecourts.com

Related articles by Zemanta

• California to recognize out of state same-sex marriages (topix.net)
• California to recognize out of state same-sex marriages (lezgetreal.com)
• Schwarzenegger Signs 2 Gay Rights Bills (laist.com)

Debbie Thurman

 Posted by Melanie Nathan, 11.05 p.pm PST  1/1/10

  Lisa Miller, ‘ex-lesbian,’ has fled from her legal obligation to hand her daughter over to the custodial parent Janet Jenkins. She has disappeared with the child and all the while egged on by a very righteous bunch of  Christians who deem their interpretation of the Bible superior to civil law of the United States of America.  See my colleague,  Bridgette P. LaVictoire, Ex-Lesbian” Lisa Miller Fails To Hand Over Custody of Isabella To Janet Jenkins Written on 1 Jan, 2010 at 16:05 

Ex-gay proponent,  disguised as mental health expert, Debbie Thurman, creator of a support group, today cheered the disappearance of Miller sometime earlier this Thurman’s blog called this apparent kidnapping an example of “true motherhood”:

Thurman’s BLOG clearly sought to aid and abet the criminal act of Lisa Miller, spurring her along with prayer () and G-d knows what else,  and now guess what like Miller Thurman’s BLOG has done its own disappearing Act, clear evidence of her assistance and encouragement of the sacrificial lamb Miller,  to commit a crime.

I kept a copy of her website BLOG because I knew that when today came if Miller would fail to hand over the child as ordered by a Vermont Judge, Cohen, , Thurman would be compelled to take her BLOG, evidence of her crime, down.  SO if the FEDS want me as a witness I am ready willing and able. There are hundreds of LGBT bloggers out there who have been reporting on this for some time. I am sure they too would be willing to provide any evidence that the Blogosphere may have produced.

It is about time that religions interference and stepping on civil law is exposed for what it is.  The LGBT community is ready to be active when the civil law discriminates and now we are ready to be good citizens to urge the upholding of the civil law when it is broken; and to add insult to injury broken in the name of Jesus.  

The Christian right has no authority to circumvent the  law of this country.  This is the perfect example of the danger in failing to honor the boundary between Church and State. This failure to separate the two and invoke the Bible in place of the law of the land would serve to give us license to stone adulterers, and you all know the rest of what the bible has to say.

This is what Debbie  Thurman’s now missing Post says about now missing Miller :

“Were I in Lisa’s shoes, I could only hope to have the faith and courage she has displayed for the past six years. …

Lisa obeyed God in seeking to raise Isabella in the Christian faith. Isabella learned Scripture, apologetics and the art of prayer at her mother’s knee and in church, to the extent that she found her Christian school Bible classes boring and “childish.” This is an intelligent, precocious 7-year-old, who knows her mind and can speak it. She would have given Janet Jenkins nightmares had she consented to live under the same roof.

I cannot answer the burning question on everyone’s lips: Where are Lisa and Isabella? Somewhere safe, I pray. How and when did they get there? Only God knows. ..

What happens now? A lot of frustration, recrimination and more lies on one side and a collective sigh of relief on the other. The courts still have a huge task set before them, meanwhile. Lisa and Isabella represent only one of many similar cases waiting to be resolved. We need precedents that honor the prevailing states’ rights, laws and constitutions. The majority of Americans overwhelmingly support traditional marriage. If the tyrannical minority wants to push against that, it can and will be met with civil disobedience. There is no other way.

Lisa Miller is a mother who would give up her life to save her child. Of that there is no doubt. She apparently has chosen to forfeit a large measure of her liberty, personal property and pursuit of happiness in assuring that child her God-ordained future, much as a group of patriots pledged their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor more than two centuries ago to establish this nation.

I say God bless and long live Lisa and Isabella Miller. All who have known them are the better for it.

Thurman’s statement seems to confirm allegations that Miller is being used by Thurman and Christian Rightists at the Liberty Counsel as a test case for their Manhattan Declaration, which is a vow to violate any law that fundamentalists happen to disagree with.

MMM, what do you all think?  So go to her BLOG site http://theformers.wordpress.com/2009/12/30/this-is-true-motherhood/

and you will see nada gone bye bye!

And  then there is this guy who ought to be subpoenaed too.

“ I pray,” says  Drew Taggart  “people ‘along the way’ are brave enough and smart enough to render the necessary assistance to Lisa and Isabella so this girl can be raised in a healthy environment. I just hope Lisa did her homework and did this disappearing act properly.”

In a subsequent defense of this statement, Taggart says:

I doubt she’ll ever see a day of jail. Once word of this gets out, millions of people are going to be outraged. And there are plenty of local and a few state law enforcement agencies around the country, who will not waste a minute trying to find her. William Cohen is a leftwing hack and this ruling is a joke. Without the support of law enforcement, especially wherever Lisa opts to call her new home, this ruling is going nowhere.

So back to my having copied the  now barren BLOG as a keepsake, I find the comments  here revealed to show  this Mr. Taggert that sentiment is not always anti-gay but that we have a way of being on the side of what is fair and correct  and average Americans have no problem seeing the danger in what you preach.

Comments from Thurmans now missing BLOG:-

” Surely there are similar precedents to draw upon involving hetro couples. Namely, situations where the mother’s male partner/husband is not the biological father, and has not adopted the child, but at some point had a supportive relationship to the child as a stepfather.

Comment by Priya Lynn — December 30, 2009 @ 2:32 pm“

I can think of anecdotal cases involving people I’ve known (in which case the former stepfather has no rights), but I’m not a legal scholar so I’d appreciate any info on the matter. Anyone?

Comment by Brad — December 30, 2009 @ 12:02 pm

If a warrant is issued for her arrest, anyone providing her with assistance would be aiding a fugitive. Somehow I doubt Debbie Thurman wants to do state or federal time. Since the State of Virginia is now supporting the Vermont Court as they are required, I would guess that Miller would flee south (perhaps even to Mexico). If anyone helps Miller flee Virginia, they are looking at federal penalties. Judges hold a dim view of those who flout court rulings. I wouldn’t expect much leniency in sentencing.

Comment by John — December 30, 2009 @ 1:12 pm

Unbelievably someone on the page made sense in pointing out that Miller hasn’t put herself in a good position and being on the run actually hurts Isabella.

Comment by a. mcewen — December 30, 2009 @ 1:15 pm

So much for Thurman’s lame excuse that she didn’t give Miller any legal advice. Always knew you were a BS’er Debbie, thanks for coming out of the closet and admitting it.

Comment by Priya Lynn — December 30, 2009 @ 1:29 pm

If Miller does not comply with the law and wants to play martyr – I say fine. She can send a few years handcuffed and locked in the can to think about the sin of kidnapping.

What Miller is doing is not holy. She is a poor role model who is mentally abusing her child. There will likely be massive shrink bills in the future for Isabella, thanks to Miller.

Her lawlessness is not to be compared to our nation’s founders. It is criminal behavior, profoundly irresponsible and deeply immoral. It disgusts me that these frauds are cynically co-opting American symbols in their politically based criminality.

It is a shame that Miller allowed herself to be used as a pawn in the Culture War Syndicate. I doubt her friends will visit her much in the hoosegow once she is no longer useful to their political games.

Comment by Wayne Besen — December 30, 2009 @ 1:52 pm

“So much for Thurman’s lame excuse that she didn’t give Miller any legal advice. Always knew you were a BS’er Debbie, thanks for coming out of the closet and admitting it.”

   And you are deducing this how, exactly?

Comment by Debbie Thurman — December 30, 2009 @ 2:24 pm

You really are a piece of work Debbie. You just admitted the truth in your own blog, praising miller for the kidnapping, calling it “true motherhood”. Now of course in your Christian world where black is white and bad is good, you’ll have some pathetic excuse for how your actions are really the opposite of what you’ve done, but we’re not stupid and we’re not buying any of your BS. “ 

Comment by Priya Lynn — December 30, 2009 @ 2:32 pm

THURMANS WEBSITE  is located at http://debbiethurman.com/dt_files/aboutdebbie.php 

Last but not least important, I am urging the FEDS to investigate the Liberty Council, Debbie Thurman, Taggart, et al to see just how Ms Miller has financed her escape… Check the Banks and there is likely to be a trail and who knows that trail might lead to Isabella.

At the same time I urge Ms Miller to turn the child in, the damage is done and your only chance of leniency is that once you have done so you may be reprieved.  I urge also the Christian Ministries involved or not involved to encourage Ms. Miller to subvert the Manhatten Declaration and to obey the Civil Law especially those of you who may be implicated in this.  If you do turn yourself in pronto,  you may find a willing Judge let go of having you do time.  That would be a lot better for Isabella.    A good mediator may then help you with some supervised visitation, once Janet decides she is comfortable with such.  Or do you prefer Jail visits for Isabella?

Blogged by Melanie Nathan: nathan@privatecourts.com
www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com

 From the Mediation desk of Melanie Nathan:     Recently in my mediation practice I have had a spate of divorce cases where the spouses (partners)  have been at odds about how to deal with underwater real estate.  When dividing community property real estate, the purpose of the mediator is to assist the parties in  dividing the asset, either through a sale of the property, a buyout by one spouse of fifty percent of the community property equity interest;  and possibly a continuing partnership in the property.  This may also apply where there is no community property and the parties jointly own the property.

 Since the recession and housing bust, there has been an increasing amount of homes either about to be foreclosed or upside down. Often both or one party may still be feeding community or post separation income into  an unviable  property.    These situations may be remedied by short sales, loan modification, divorce settlements providing inter spousal transfers and indemnifications for debt assumed, or simply by walking away.

This difficult situation adds to the stress of divorce, especially if the parties are not in tandem as to the fate of the property.   Some may want to hold on to the property in the hope of a future upside,  and whomever remains on must be prepared to take responsibility for their share of the holding costs, such as mortgage payments, property tax, maintenance costs and insurance.  If one party decides to hold on, there is no likelihood of the other receiving any cash settlement  for an upside down property, regardless of what went into the property or the dream of a future upside.   

 I have had cases where one spouse holds the property, like the sword of Damocles, over the head of the other, asserting they will be stuck with poor credit, unable to find rental accommodation, in legal trouble, creating fear resulting in the threatened party holding on for longer than necessary.   

 This is where a neutral mediator and/or advice of a consulting attorney is imperative.  The neutral can help the party step out of the dream into reality.  The neutral provides a safe and peaceful environment for joint exploration of the remedies and can facilitate a productive discussion, helping the parties crunch numbers,  call in other  professionals such as CPA or Mortgage expert to assist with the analysis.  

Fear, misunderstanding  and false senses of security ought not stand in the way of moving forward. It is important to pursue the evolving legal remedies.   These cases need to be mediated rather than litigated. Positioning and pos toward resolving all the issues. Using separate attorneys can be counter- productive and may result in wasted precious time, while throwing good after bad. A party can always have a separate consulting attorney on the side.  

 With all this in mind I was delighted to come across an article by Kenneth R. Harney, November 29, 2009, in the LA times: “Professor advises underwater homeowners to walk away from mortgages; Brent T. White, a University of Arizona law school professor, says that it’s in the homeowners’ best financial interest to stiff their lenders and that it’s not immoral to do so.” … read on…   ( A MUST READ!)

“Go ahead. Break the chains. Stop paying on your mortgage if you owe more than the house is worth. And most important: Don’t feel guilty about it. Don’t think you’re doing something morally wrong.

That’s the incendiary core message of a new academic paper by Brent T. White, a University of Arizona law school professor, titled “Underwater and Not Walking Away: Shame, Fear and the Social Management of the Housing Crisis.”

White contends that far more of the estimated 15 million U.S. homeowners who are underwater on their mortgages should stiff their lenders and take a hike.”  

 This Article, a breathe of fair air, served to endorse my sentiment which I have not hesitated to express in mediation. These are unusual times.  Although the facts of each case may seem similar, they all have a distinctive circumstance and the facts must be explored in detail before a strategy is employed. The one piece of generic advice that I can impart is that one spouse should not be held hostage by the other to a hope or dream about the  future of the property, or to any obligation.  Divorce provides a unique opportunity to walk away from the property and leave it in the hands of the Party who does not want to give it up.  The mediator can help draft documents to reflect such an undertaking by one, documenting the discussion that led to the decision.      The change in spousal relationship can have an impact on negotiations with mortgage lenders and indemnities can be established between spouses for an element of protection if the lender pursues the non-owner spouse in the future.  Also of course a plan can be made for both to walk away. 

 Save your money,  and muster up six months of rent instead of paying it into the property. If you have bad credit and need to rent a property you can offer a few months of advance rental.  However BUYER BEWARE – when you pay rental ahead- be sure that the home you are renting is not about to be foreclosed upon as you may find yourself the victim of the Landlord’s inability to pay his/her mortgage.  

 I believe that walking away from an expensive dream opens the door for an inexpensive reality and good nights of sleep. 

MELANIE NATHAN 
nathan@privatecourts.com
www.privatecourts.com
www.divorcemediators.us

Melanie Nathan: Considering Maine and Reflecting on California:

Does marriage equality and more specifically same-sex marriage hurt traditional marriage? This most confounding question has yet to be answered by anyone, especially those who expound the rhetoric while seeking to ban same-sex marriage.  The derogatory impact of same-sex marriage on straight marriage has yet to be quantified.  I wonder how one would be able to figure it out.

Could it be that for every 4 gay marriages one straight person will not marry his fiancé; could it be that for every 4 gay marriages one straight couple will divorce?  Could it mean that allowing gay marriages will result in less straight people marrying and thereby reduce the numbers of married people?  I am trying so hard to come up with a formula, can someone please help me?   

Proposition 8 succeeded in California, and effectively removed a fundamental constitutional right, as endorsed by the Courts by way of popular vote – the right for any couple in California to marry regardless of gender was stripped.  Prop 8 was initiated in direct response and its mantra was  to “protect the institution of marriage” by keeping lesbians and gays out.  

After the barrage of voracious advertisements led 51% of voting Californians to believe that gay marriage would by its mere legality threaten straight marriages. Churches poured their money into the advertising coffers, tacitly claiming the interests of their God.   Silly them there is a better way to save the institution of marriage and just think it can be done without stripping other Americans of their inherent rights, as well as the advantage of quantification.  The obvious, unambiguous and only one absolute vehicle to sustain the precept of marriage is clearly the “The outlawing of Divorce.”  We must bring a new proposition to the voters in this earnest quest and that would be  ahh maybe -Proposition 9 – “Repeal of the Legislative Right to Divorce Act.”

Notably, divorce, unlike same sex marriage, can be easily quantified.  I believe in California the divorce rate is approximately 1 in 3. There you go – for every 60,000 marriages ending in Divorce, we can save 60,000 saved – see how easy that was. Not like our difficulty when we attempted to quantify the impact of same-sex marriage on ‘ traditional marriage.’ – that means we would have 60,000 out of every 180,000 marriages saved… How powerful is that!

This is a call to all those who truly believe in the sanctity of marriage. Support the rescue of marriage by ending divorce for good. Here is a safer and better plan – how about making that retroactive.  Anyone who has been divorced consider your good-selves remarried.

Indeed the next obvious step is legislation that prohibits one’s right to divorce.  Divorce is not an inherent right; it is one that is granted by specific statute. For example in California there would be no divorce if the Family Law Code did not deal create it. It gets worse – Divorce involves one spouse suing the other for divorce.  In California the first paper served by a plaintiff spouse on a defendant spouse reads “SUMMONS- You Are Being Sued.”  How bizarre – to separate church and State in this fashion.  It is an abomination to the sacred right of marriage to think that after spouses have said “till death do us part” that one may sue the other for divorce and that our law allows that to happen.

If Maine supports the ban of same-sex marriage tonight, I profess this to be the nest obvious step there too. 

Is this ban on Divorce a joke?  Not according to a Sacramento man, John Marcotte who is collecting signatures to place a new piece of legislation on the 2010 ballot for the people of California to decide on. He wants to make it illegal to divorce in California. Read his petition here.

Why? He contends that this is a natural extension of what religious conservatives did when they voted “Yes” on a ballot measure to ban gay marriage so that they could “protect traditional marriage”.

From John Marcotte’s Rescue Marriage website, here’s the statement announcing the new ballot measure:

“I loved Proposition 8, but felt it did not go far enough. So fresh from the office of our legal counsel, I present the 2010 California Protection of Marriage Act.

No party to any marriage shall be restored to the state of an unmarried person during the lifetime of the other party unless the marriage is void or voidable, as set forth in Part 2 of Division 6 of the Family Code.”

Marcotte has just launched his first couple of PSAs on the 2010 California Marriage Protection Act. Here they are:

Few Choice Quotes From the PSAs:

“My kids are being taught in school that divorce is all right.”

“You said ‘Till death do us part’. You’re not dead yet.”

“Hell is eternal, just like your marriage is supposed to be.”

“If we allow anyone to get divorced, before you know it, people will be divorcing their dogs.”

Lock Step-lock-jaw-Republicans-and conservatives- and those on the right – do not fail – put your money where your mouth is and support the BAN on DIVORCE.

Blogged by MELANIE NATHAN, CEO of Private Courts, Inc. Consulting, mediation & private advocacy ; motivated by injustice, I blog about family law/mediation, politics, news andLGBT equality and anything that ‘tickles my fancy.’ Otherwise blogging as O-blog-dee-o-blog-da. Websites and blogs include: http://www.privatecourts.com; http://www.divorcemediators.us; www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com. nathan@privatecourts.com

by bobster1985

I was very sad to learn that one of the couples involved in the landmark case in the state of Massachusetts which legalized same sex marriage in that state recently filed for divorce following a lengthy 2 year separation. (article) This is not the first same sex couple in a landmark marriage case to divorce. A lesbian couple who married in 2003 a week after a landmark decision legalized same-sex marriage in Ontario, Canada had been together for nearly 10 years; but they separated after just five days of marriage. (article) A lesbian couple who married in California in 2008, after a landmark decision struck down the state’s ban on same-sex marriage, filed for divorce only three days later, citing “irreconcilable differences”.

“In a way, gays and lesbians had a common enemy in the form of the state and society. People who have common enemies tend to stick together.” But once they are able to “marry,” he said, “It’s no longer you and me against the world – it’s you and me against each other.”

Boston divorce attorney Gerald Nissenbaum told the Boston Herald that the lesbian couple from Massachusetts may have lost their spark after they won their battle in the courts.

“Whenever there’s a cause that keeps people together, once the cause is over, in my experience, there’s a high rate of dissolution of the relationship,” he said. “It’s sad, but it’s real.”

He added,

“And what a surprise: Gay people are like everyone else.”

On a personal note, I am one of the 18,000 couples that were married in California before Proposition 8 eliminated marriage rights for same sex couples, and I know that our relationship has been under stress throughout our journey. We see how landmark lesbian couples are thrown into the spotlight, and when we got married there were TV crews present throughout. The lesbian couple who was the first in line to get married when we did here in Los Angeles was on the front page of every newspaper in the area in every language. Having your relationship scrutinized is hard and that’s exactly what happens to these couples. I know that if my wife and I didn’t have good communication, we might not have made it through these crazy times. I can’t even imagine the legal battles and press conferences and media scrutiny that landmark lesbian couples have had to endure. Now that we are facing having our marriage nullified via Proposition 8, we are making sure to take time to nurture our relationship and stay connected through it all. I feel a certain kinship with any same sex couple who has been through a marriage, and I am always rooting for them to stay together. When I found out that the landmark lesbian couple from Massachusetts was parting ways it made me sad. Having been through a divorce once myself, I sincerely wish them the best. Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

• California Gay Marriage Showdown Set For March 5th (queerty.com)
• Gay couple launches lawsuit after Prop. 8 passes (ctv.ca)

Yesterday, New Jersey State Superior Court Judge Mary Jacobson ruled that Gay marriages performed outside New Jersey could be recognized in the state for the purpose obtaining a divorce….

The Judge said her ruling does not mean that the state has to recognize same-sex marriages for other purposes, but it does overrule part of a state attorney general’s order that declared New Jersey wouldn’t fully recognize gay marriages performed elsewhere.

The state attorney general’s office had opposed the request, the first of its kind in the state, and was seeking to have the couple’s marriage dissolved as if it were a civil union. Officials have not said whether the state will seek an appeal.

The case involved a lesbian couple, La Kia and Kinyati Hammond, who were married in Victoria, British Columbia, in March 2004 and lived together in North East, Md. In 2005, La Kia, was found to have a terminal form of muscular dystrophy. She said doctors gave her two years to live. Then about three years ago, she left Kinyati and moved with her daughter from a previous relationship to Trenton, New Jersey and now says she is in love again and wants to marry before she dies. But without a divorce that is recognized in Canada, her lawyer state, she cannot get married again there.

Now I am a big girl and I know that part of the reality modern marriage is divorce… between 40% and 60% of new straight marriages will eventually end in divorce. The probability within… the first five years is 20%, and the probability of its ending within the first 10 years is 33%…

I myself am the child of parents who divorced .

I know as more places recognize gay marriage, the question of how to handle gay divorces is going to become increasingly more common…

The Courts in New York, Oklahoma, Rhode Island and Texas, have all had to grapple with this issue for a some years now and in most cases, judges have ruled those states would not grant the divorces because their states do not recognize same-sex marriage in the first place. I know cases like these are closely followed by all of us, both for and against gay marriage, partly because allowing gay couples to divorce might just open the door to recognizing gay marriage….

And I am already seeing people pointing to this New Jersey divorce case and saying, “see this is why those gays should be not allowed not get married… they are just too irresponsible and will just do stuff like this woman did , they just don’t value the intuition of marriage”

I was with my partner Debbie for over 10 years…. And we lived in North Carolina, a state that does not recognize same-sex marriage or the legal status of same-sex marriages performed in other states or countries.

While we often talked of getting married one day, and had planned to go to California after the elections to finally get our piece of paper, Prop 8 and life change those plans for us… Because on November 4th Prop 8 ended same-sex marriages in California and then on December 8th my soul mate passed away from complication due to breast cancer so we never got to stand up in front of others and legally proclaim our devotion to each other.

Nevertheless, anyone who knew us, knew that in our hearts and in our deeds, we were as just married as any straight couple could be, and while we did not have the 1,000 plus legal rights conferred to other married couples in the U.S. that fact did not stop us from struggling all of the struggles, experiencing all of the joys that any committed couple does for over 10 years.

The love and responsibilities we shared were exactly the same as that of any non-gay family and friends. We brought children into this world, we loved and raised them… together. We worked hard to give those children and ourselves a good life and to be productive citizens of our community. We also struggled to deal with disappointments, bigotry, and hard financial times, many times cause by the fact we were a same-sex couple.We successfully struggled together to overcome alcoholism and addictions that threaten to tear our family apart, because it was important that we stay a family.

We were finally overcome only when a terminal illness could do what nothing else had… but even in Debbie’s passing, we were together… as a family.

While we were not married on paper, we most assuredly were in our hearts. For us it was love, honor and cherish… for richer or poorer… in sickness and in health… in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow… forsaking all others we promised to love each other unconditionally, and to support the others goals for the common good of our family….. because we were a family that no person , church, law or problem could or would ever pull asunder.

So today I feel that when there is news like this story out of New Jersey… that it is our story and stories like ours that should be ones told even more; for ours was the real reason gay marriage should be allowed in every state in this land.

Debbie and I made it work, because we worked to make it work… we did not quit, we did not run, we stood in the face of all adversities thrown at us and said this world will not take us down…

Is that not what all successful marriages have to do?