The President eloquently described the difficult job of a military spouse who is ‘at the heart of our Armed Forces.’ I was impressed by his gesture until I was reminded that for me his words are meaningless. The President made promises of, “increasing servicemembers’ compensation as well as funding for better housing, job training, counseling, outreach, and support for spouses and their families.”

Well, Mr. President, what about us, the gay spouses? You know we deserve the support just as much as the next wife. You say that your administration is seriously committed to ‘fulfilling our obligations to them’ but don’t you think those obligations should include ALL servicemembers, not just the heterosexual ones?

Let us honor the spouses and families who support our servicemembers, including all of us invisible ones.

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There hasn’t been a time in my gay life that I haven’t known Courtney Talbot. I couldn’t tell you where or when we were introduced, but I can vividly picture the night I met her fish.  Much like Courtney, her new fish tattoo was bold, unique and filled with vivacious color.  Courtney was just an acquaintance so I didn’t tell her that the new ink conjured images from Finding Nemo.  Captivated by it’s piercing green eyes and slightly parted, delicate fish lips, I could almost hear it whisper just keep swimming (in Ellen DeGeneres’ voice.) Since that day the just keep swimming mantra has been synonymous with Courtney.  Her love of life embodies this expression and now, more than ever, she needs to remember to swim.   My old pal has been diagnosed with leukemia and to make matters worse, she has no health insurance.

Throughout February, Courtney pushed through sickness and continued to workout and job search.  Like many recent college graduates, she found herself with part-time work and absolutely no healthcare.   Despite aching bones and swollen lymph nodes, she avoided extensive medical testing due to cost.  After a Z-pack proved unsuccessful, the clinic sent her to the ER for follow-up.  With her white blood cell count through the roof, she was quickly admitted and then transferred to Robert Wood Johnson, ranked among the top hospitals in cancer care according to U.S. News & World Report.

On March 10, 2010, Courtney was diagnosed with Pre B cell acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia with Philadelphia chromosome. There are only five years of research on this particular strand of leukemia and much of the treatment is still in clinical trials. Courtney simply describes this as a “fork in the garbage disposal.”

She started chemotherapy and will need a bone marrow transplant; yet, shockingly, she isn’t scared. The power of love has something to do with that.  Her girlfriend of four years just began a new job to be closer.  While they want to take it one day at a time, domestic partner medical benefits may be available for Courtney if they decide to make it official with a civil union.

And now, with last week’s historic health reform, she may have other options. Political opinions aside, Congress is undeniably providing Americans something that is greatly needed. Courtney, with no heath insurance and extremely high medical costs ahead of her, has a lot to say.  “The expenses are killer but I have great friends and family that are fighting very hard to make sure I get the best. I cried because of the stress of how this is going to get paid, not because of the leukemia.”

This young woman put herself through college and comes from a hard-working middle class family.  One of her biggest pet peeves is Republicans who say Obama is a socialist for trying to pass healthcare reform. Simply put, Courtney says, “ I just want to know I’ll be taken care of.”  She adds, “I want to deal with my cancer. Heath insurance adds drama but I am fortunate enough to have family taking care of the rest.”

Courtney attributes much of her stamina to watching her sister’s fiancé, Andrew, fight Stage IV stomach cancer.  Doctors gave him two weeks to live and he beat the odds for many years.  Andrew’s battle ended in November 2009.  In his blog, lifedeathandcancer, Andrew said, “You can’t choose the way you leave this life, but you can choose the way you live this life.”

And live Courtney Talbot will.  She has started a website to help with her medical expenses and raise awareness about all things cancer related.  The Almighty Talbot is a window into the world of cancer. Courtney compares her cancer with going to war, “I have a long battle ahead of me, but I can laugh again.”

Through The Almighty Talbot, Courtney hopes individuals will follow her experience, share their own, and ask questions.  This is not only her outlet, it is yours. And your mother’s, your brother’s, and anyone else who has been touched by this horrible disease. This line of open communication gives Courtney a new lease on life. She says it is us, and her commitment to shedding light on cancer for all, that is giving her the energy to get out of bed each day.

Turns out, my initial thoughts of Courtney’s leukemia were all wrong.  She doesn’t need to be reminded to Just Keep Swimming. She’ll be the one reminding us.

Share your story. Share a dollar.  Visit The Almighty Talbot.

Please Note

On May 30th 2011, The Almighty Courtney Talbot lost her battle. LGR wishes to extend our deepest sympathies to her family and friends…

May she rest in peace.

• The Almighty Courtney Talbot Passes Away At Age 28 Of Leukemia (lezgetreal.com)

I knew I was gay at my senior prom. Yet, I did not share this with anyone, not even my best friend. Ironically, it was this very best friend who I was in love with. I went to the prom with her younger sister’s boyfriend. Pretty twisted, huh? I needed a date and he needed a ticket to prom.

I remember like it was yesterday welling up with tears on the buffet line in my Jessica McClinton gown. My crush (best friend) was already in touch with her lesbianism and she ‘missed her girlfriend.’ I don’t if I was stricken with pain that I was not her girlfriend, or if I was simply freaking out because I felt doomed. Surrounded by young couples dancing, kissing and enjoying one last blissful night before college, I feared I wouldn’t experience that kind of joy. I thought I would never be able to dance with the woman I loved as carefree as my straight peers.

Ironically, after years of openly experiencing that kind of teenage bliss, I am once again hiding. Only now, instead of high school, I am in a grown-up closet filled with Navy uniforms. Sometimes I still feel like that seventeen year old in her red ball gown, praying no one finds out who I really am.

Yesterday, Jo and I worked out at the gym on base. Despite the need to constantly keep my hands and words (honey, baby, sweetheart) in check, I love the equipment and spending extra time with my love. I play my favorite lesbian tunes on my iPod which gives me a secret thrill. Today, I was working out to As Cool As I Am By Dar Williams. Ironically, upon the line You tried to make me doubt, to make me guess, tried to make me feel like a little less, something on the television grabbed my eye.

Constance McMillen. I’m sure by now, you have become familiar with her name. In case you have not, she is the teen whose prom has been canceled because she asked to bring her girlfriend and wear a tux.

While I would typically rant about her school board, I only feel Hope. Constance provides Hope in this crazy country that is denying us the right to marry, serve openly in our military, share benefits with our spouse, adopt children. Constance, at such a young age, chose to be who she is, without fear of judgment. She gives me Hope that in the near future we will live in a world where everyone can go to prom with who they like, dressed how they like.

I wish I could boldly stand up like her. For now, I will smile on the elliptical knowing that this young woman is out there, changing the world for us all. And I’ll turn up my iPod and rock out, surrounded by all of the military personnel who assume I’m just another Navy Wife.

And then I go outside and join the others, I am the others. Oh–and that’s not easy, I don’t know what you saw, I want somebody who sees me.

The Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) debate is heating up and individuals like myself have sparked a controversial question.  Will the legal spouses of gay service members be offered the same benefits as their straight counterparts?   A leading gay marriage activist is speaking out in our defense.

“Gay people serving in the military, defending our country, should have the same rules and same opportunities as any other Americans, no more and no less,” Evan Wolfson, founder and executive director of Freedom to Marry, told The Washington Times yesterday. “The irony is that if gay people were saying we should have a special right not to serve, the anti-gay groups would be clamoring to force gay people into the military,” Mr. Wolfson said in a statement. “There is no good reason for denying gay Americans either the ability and duty to serve our country or the freedom to marry, with the same rules, same responsibilities, and same respect as any other committed couples.”

My partner, Jo, and I are not yet married.  Because of DADT, we fear having any legal record of our love.  When (I suppose to be accurate, I should say if) Congress repeals the military gay ban, we will certainly become wife and wife without hesitation.  Unfortunately, our legal union may still go unrecognized by the military.

Currently, five states and the District of Columbia allow same-sex marriage.  However, a little thing called the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) may stand in the way of the military recognizing these unions. DOMA defines the union of marriage as strictly between man and woman.

Haven’t we invisible spouses dealt with denial long enough?  DOMA could potentially prevent the Defense Department from extending Jo’s spousal benefits to me.   And what happens if I carry our child? What if she gets deployed overseas? Under DOMA they could continue to deny gay spouses medical care, on-base housing and schooling.

Austin R. Nimocks, a lawyer with the Alliance Defense Fund, told The Washington Times,  “It’s most likely under the current scenario that the military would follow DOMA because the marriage license held by a same-sex couple is a state-conferred right and not a federal-conferred right. And so there is no requirement that the federal government acknowledge that state-conferred right in that regard. I think that federal DOMA would necessarily constrict the ability of the military to provide some sort of recognition to a marriage license held by a same-sex couple.”

Army Gen. Ham and Pentagon General Counsel Johnson lead the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell task force.  They have been instructed by Defense Secretary Gates to “determine appropriate changes to existing policies and regulations” including “benefits.” In a House Armed Services subcommittee hearing, Rep. Joe Wilson, South Carolina Republican, questioned Mr. Johnson and Gen. Ham about DOMA.  He indicated repeal of DOMA might be necessary so the repeal of DADT “does not create disparities between the benefits of legally married couples, regardless of their orientation.” Mr. Johnson indicated that the task force would explore the issue.

The top Republican on the House Armed Services Committee, Rep. Howard P. “Buck” McKeon of California, asked Secretary Gates if he will recommend that Congress repeal DOMA to avoid “disparities in the military between legally married heterosexual couples and legally married gay couples.”

A spokesman for Gates declined to comment.

Secretary Gates, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your positive work with DADT repeal. But simply allowing my ‘wife’ to serve openly is not enough. We, the invisible spouses, are not addressing service members’ freedom to be out.  Our loved ones should also be allowed to care and provide for their families, just like all of the other men and women who fight so hard for our country.

OH. MY. GOD.  Thank you, Patti Stanger!  I watch a lot of Bravo but always the more feminine shows: Real Housewives, Millionaire Matchmaker, Rachel Zoe, ect.  Although I love, love, love them all, rarely do I catch an episode where I see a glimpse of our world.  Ladies, tonight was our night!

This week’s Millionaire Matchmaker featured a bi-curious divorcee, who selected a sexy, short-haired woman, Tyler, as her date.  The lesbian was hot (sorry, honey!)  She arrived for the date in a black cut-off t-shirt and covered in tattoos.  I haven’t been this excited for a dating show since the days of Tila Tequila.

Turns out, the cougar wanted a more confidant, more aggressive lesbian. Actually, she just wanted a man.  Regardess of their romantic outcome, I saw a glimpse of our lesbian life which is such a rarity on network television.  It was real, classy and ‘authentic.’  As Patti says, EVERYONE deserves love.

Times they are a changin.’  Thanks again, Patti.  Maybe next time we could see a full blown Lesbian Millonairess.

Make sure to catch the re-run of Millionaire Matchmaker of “Trevor & Tricia.”

[Disclaimer: I completely disagree with the boy in this episode who could appreciate Carrie Prejean on any level.]

I don’t lie. I have always been fortunate enough to never have to.  Until now.

Since Jo and I moved, I have been working from home. While I love writing all day, I need to supplement my income. My money troubles have been interfering with the creative process and to be honest, I feel pretty damn guilty that Jo always takes me out. Let’s remember: as a result of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, she doesn’t get a penny for my existence (unlike her straight counterparts who receive additional income for their spouse and children.)

Hence, I have been MIA on my blog; instead, I have been all over Monster. Unfortunately, we are in a recession. Who knew? I’ve been away from the job search for so long, I didn’t realize what slim pickings are out there.  I received a few callbacks regarding my resume, but sadly, no one who has called is paying much.

I have no service experience or I would most likely be tending bar right now. I decided to return to a job I haven’t done since college, but figured it would be like riding a bike. Grabbing the classifieds and perusing Craig’s List, I searched for a nanny position.

I found the perfect family in no time and began my new position quickly. The kids have been good. Ok, it has been challenging  to transition from young professional to professional poopy wiper, but
we shall save that for another post. The reason I write today is to get my secret off my chest…I’m gay!

Sure, all of you know this already and could care less. But my new family has no idea. Jo is simply my roommate and I dive deeper into the closet on a daily basis. Go figure? I hoped getting a new job would get me OUT of the house. Oh, the irony.

Why didn’t I just tell them? Well, for one, you never know if parents will be weird. Some actually have the false belief that we will infect their children with ‘the gay.’ Another huge reason I didn’t share my sexuality? Jo’s career. What if my new employers had friends in the military? Even if they were comfortable with my sexual identity, what if they told the wrong person about mine and Jo’s relationship?

Alas, my bank account has some padding and the depression from my lonely days has subsided. But I lie, just like Jo does, about who I am. I’m finally getting up and OUT every day, only now, I’m more IN than ever.

Imagine for a moment:

What would your life be like if you could not live openly with the woman or man of your choice.   This is how gays in the military, and we- their invisible partners- must live each day. We hide.

As Bridget reported earlier (read here), the Military Readiness Enhancement Act of 2010 was introduced to the Senate today.  This bill would REPEAL Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. If passed, The Department of Defense would still conduct its study; however, they would be determining HOW to implement repeal and not WHETHER to implement repeal. In addition, the Military Readiness Enhancement Act would END discharges immediately.

The Senate needs to hear from you. Please take action now!!! Tell your Senators to co-sponsor and pass the Senate’s Military Readiness Enhancement Act of 2010.  PFLAG has a great site to figure out who you should contact. Learn the name of your U.S. Senators, here.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is a disgusting law that must end. Even if this bill will not change your daily life, please help us bring change to our nation.  This is an important step in all of our equal rights.

Despite the snowpocalypse and continued Republican efforts to block presidential appointments, on Thursday the U.S. Senate confirmed two openly gay individuals to fill positions in the Obama administration, including a top job in the Defense Department.

By unanimous vote, senators confirmed Douglas Wilson to the position of Assistant Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs. This is a civilian position in the Defense Department; therefore, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT),” which prevents openly gay people from serving the U.S. military, doesn’t apply to him.  During the Clinton administration, Wilson had served as the Pentagon’s deputy assistant secretary for public affairs.

I initially did not understand the significance of Wilson’s appointment until I did some research.  The Assistant Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs acts as the principal staff advisor and assistant to the US Secretary of Defense and the US Deputy Secretary of Defense.  He is responsible for providing Defense Department information to the public, United States Congress and the media. Wilson will lead a worldwide public affairs community comprised of almost 4,000 military and civilian personnel.

ACTION from the White House!  Finally.  Not words, but action.  This appointment is crucial in the repeal of DADT.  We finally have someone who not only sympathizes, but EMPATHIZES with the discrimination that gays face.

Additionally, the Senate confirmed by unanimous consent openly lesbian attorney Cynthia Atwood, to the Occupational Safety and Health Review Commission, the independent federal agency that regulates challenges to citations or penalties of OSHA inspections in the American workplace.

For the last three years, Atwood has been an administrative appeals judge for the Labor Department’s administrative review board, and for eight years was an attorney adviser for that board.

Both Wilson and Atwood were nominated to their positions after being recommended by the Presidential Appointments Project, a Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund-led initiative that helps openly LGBT individuals get appointments in the Obama administration.

Denis Dison, a Victory Fund spokesperson, praised the Senate for confirming Wilson and Atwood. “We’re glad the Senate finally confirmed these two outstanding individuals,” he said. “They are proof that the president is focused on finding the best people to work in his administration, and we’re proud they’ve stepped up to serve their country.”

The Senate confirmation came after President Obama threatened to use his power to make recess appointments after obstruction tactics by Republican senators had prevented the confirmation of more than 63 nominees.

In a statement, President Obama commended the Senate for allowing 27 nominations to move forward, but said he may still make recess appointments if the Senate doesn’t act on more nominees when it comes back from break.

“While this is a good first step, there are still dozens of nominees on hold who deserve a similar vote, and I will be looking for action from the Senate when it returns from recess,” Obama said. “If they do not act, I reserve the right to use my recess appointment authority in the future.”

I take this as an olive branch, a sign of peace indicative of a new attitude from our President. Perhaps he will use or at least threaten his executive authority in more ways than one?  Regardless, we now have some “family” on the inside.  And that is something to give us Hope.

Sometimes, I really think Jo and I need to move out of this country.  Our lack of equal rights disgusts me and the politicians often disappoint. Checking the morning news, I stopped at LezGetReal to see Bridgette LaVictoire’s post about Senator Gillibrand’s amendment to end the funding of DADT discharges.  I clicked ahead with anticipation of a formal announcement.

Gillibrand is indeed proposing this amendment. Unfortunately, her intention-her integrity-has been questioned.  Bruce Blakeman, an opponent against Gillibrand for the US Senate in NY, believes  Gillibrand is simply trying to impress voters at this point in time. Blakeman stated, “Sen. Gillibrand’s actions are nothing more than political grandstanding in an election year. The Pentagon is examining the policy and will make a recommendation in the future. Attempting to short circuit the process to score cheap political points is irresponsible. … We are a nation at war and the last thing our troops fighting overseas need is for politicians back home to be placing their political ambitions before the mission…..Sen. Gillibrand should encourage a full and honest debate by our military leaders in determining whether “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is a policy that should be continued or repealed.”

THE LAST THING, Mr. Blakeman, OUR TROOPS FIGHTING OVERSEAS NEED is to HIDE THEIR FAMILIES.  The LAST THING these troops need is one more year of FEAR.

Blakeman’s comments are unfounded, inapporopriate, and an attempt at media attention- shoot! He just got what he wanted, I’m writing about it- again-for LGR.

As a member of the LGBT community that Gillibrand defends, I have never questioned her integrity.  I appreciate her consistency, action and determination for our equal rights. I understand that things need to be done ‘right’ but words are no longer enough. While the Pentagon ‘examines’ the matter, Senator Gillibrand proposes an amendment that could immediately ease our fear and set the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell in motion.

In regards to Bruce Blakeman- if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Don’t forget to call the White House, friends.

2.2.10- Isabell James

For anyone who may have missed his speech last Wednesday, President Obama mentioned Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT), stating repeal would occur “This Year.” The following day in Tampa,  referencing a moment before the 2008 Presidential election, President Obama quoted himself, “Change never comes without a fight.”

Victims of DADT watched closely today as we  had some initial, actual progress with the first DADT hearings in seventeen years.

Robert Gates declared, “The question before us is not whether the military prepares to make this change, but how we … best prepare for it. We have received our orders from the commander in chief and we are moving out accordingly.”

Although Gates will establish a panel to study the issue, this could take a year or more.  Unfortunately, when asked if the military would provide a suspension on DADT discharges, Gates responded, “I’ll get back to you on that.”

Together, we must end Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell in 2010.  There are 332 days left.
Jo and I encourage all of you to write, call, protest and pray.

A GREAT Message from SLDN:

Call the White House Switchboard

Call the White House switchboard at 202-456-1414 and tell the president to: 

* Make good on his commitment to end “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and include repeal in his defense budget

* Partner with Congress so that we can get repeal done in 2010

Example Script for Your Call

Hello, my name is __________ and I’m calling from __________ (city, state).

I’m calling to urge President Obama to keep his promise to end “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and include repeal in his defense budget. This discrimination is wrong. Firing qualified service members simply because they’re gay needs to stop in 2010. Thank you.

Movements for Change

Servicemembers Legal Defense Network

http://www.sldn.org/

Voices of Honor Campaign
HRC, Partnering with Servicemembers United on a National Tour to Repeal DADT

http://www.hrc.org/sites/voicesofhonor/index.asp

Campaign for Military Partners
Servicemembers United leads this initiative to reach out to, recognize, connect, and support the partners of active duty gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender military personnel

http://militarypartners.org/

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Story Project
http://www.kirstengillibrand.com/dadtstoryproject.com/

Resource and Reality Check

http://dadtarchive.org/

Take a look at how many have been discharged for being who they are.

I’m always venting about the lack of equal rights for gays in the military.  I pray for the day my girlfriend can Tell.  But for some of you, that day may never come.  There are certain professions, I am coming to find, that will always be prejudice against homosexuality.  Obviously, this is also combated with the location you reside in.  Can you tell there is a story coming on?

I’ve mentioned my good friend, Six.  She and her partner, Lillian, live in Virginia; unfortunately, just next door to gay friendly and marriage supporting DC.  Regardless, the two have a home, an adorable puppy, and a recent engagement to enter into the next phase of their beautiful life (with or without the support of their state.)

Sadly, Six does not and cannot share this life in her workplace.  She is affected by a very different case of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, ” one that has never been named.  Six is a teacher.  She works in an inner city district, home to some narrow-minded faculty, staff and student/parent body.   In fact, last year Six’s gay best friend on the job was appalled when their principal announced to the staff that She would never hire a gay person.  Go figure? Two of her best teachers were playing for this fabulous team of ours.

Staying positive in difficult times is an attribute that I long to attain.  Thankfully, Six is someone I typically look to for inspiration.  She loves her job, her students and a private home life with Lil.  She does not let her homophobic work environment get her down.  Until a couple of weeks ago.

I received several calls and voicemails from my normally patient friend (most can tell you I average at least 5 days or more with a return call- something I am trying to remedy in the New Year.)  I also got some nudging from her other half to get in touch with her.  When we finally spoke, my view of the education system changed forever.

Six shared the story of a recent camping trip for the students in her district.  Although the incident did not take place at her specific school, word of disgusting events travels fast.  The teachers went as chaperons, as well as parents if they chose to attend.  The trip would be one night in the wilderness.

One of the little boys had two mommies.  A very homophobic district in Maryland, lesbian moms were not their biggest issue.  One of these moms looked a little different; she looked a little more masculine.  Parents raised concern over her attendance and participation in a sleepover in the girls’ tent (all female parents chaperoned the girls and vice versa.)  Quickly, the faculty came up with a solution.  The masculine mother would sleep with the boys.

Take a moment.  Reread the last line.  Yes, that is what I said.  And yes, it is 2010.

Six asked if I was still on the line when she got to this point of the story.  Normally, a complete chatterbox, I was utterly speechless.  And sick to my stomach.  This poor mother was being ostracized and denied a nice, memorable evening with her child.  For what? Her looks? Her sexuality?

Most parents have a desire to shield their children from any pain or embarrassment.  Sadly, this mother did not fight or make a scene.  For the sake of her child, she left the campsite while her son slept, drove an hour home and then drove an hour back again to be there when the sunlight entered his tent.

As Six told me of her own anger, I began to cry in my kitchen.  I might feel invisible as a Navy Wife, but thank God we do not have children who to feel that something is missing.

These moments in our world disgust me. When Lil and Six have children- or any of us for that matter- I want to attend field trips hand-in-hand without hesitation or fear. We must ban together to change this country’s view. I would love to see the day when Six’s principal Asks if she is married, and Six can confidently Tell.  I suppose the military is not the only organization with a code of conduct in direct violation of our equal rights.  We shall overcome…

Dear President Obama,

Thank you; I am once again hopeful.  You have given yourself, and us, a timeline regarding Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT).  Tonight in your State of the Union address you said, “This year.”

Wow.  Your words and commitment to this cause have brought our family renewed hope and faith. “This year!”  Life could change for Josephine (my active duty partner) and I, sometime over the next 337 days.  I will now look forward to a night of good sleep when I am no longer living in a state of heightened anticipation.

Valerie Jarnett, one of your senior advisors, was just on the Rachel Maddow show.  She reassured us that repeal is something you intend to accomplish, with an action plan being generated in the coming days and weeks.  Jo and I, and the LGBTQ community anxiously await this much anticipated announcement; the repeal of DADT will bring us out of hiding and enable us to live like other military families, encouraged by the supportive America you asked for tonight.

My partner simply wants to serve her country without fear. I would like to openly support her beyond the confines of our home.  Mr. President, as you said, “It’s the right thing to do.”

Thank you for your word and for keeping your promise to repeal this unconscionable and unconstitutional policy.  I look forward to change in the next 337 days.

Sincerely hopeful,
Isabell James, Partner of a lesbian service member

Although I call myself a Navy ‘Wife,’ Jo and I are not married.  We can’t be.

Prior to the big move, we came to explore our new base.  Jo wanted to document the occasion and the next step in our lives with a gift. My first piece of Navy apparel: a sweatshirt emblazoned with “Navy Girlfriend.” That is all I am and all I can ever be until the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy is overturned.

Ironically, we bought the Girlfriend gift during the same weekend Barack Obama was in Washington, DC being inaugurated as the first Black president.  Jo and I hoped within a year’s time, perhaps we could legally upgrade to the next level of sweatshirt: wife.  But here we are, almost one full year later, living an active duty life, and I’m still wearing Girlfriend across my heart.

I received an early Christmas gift that may, quite possibly, be more special than the standard diamond ring.  In honor of my blog’s one year anniversary and my role in her life, Jo presented me with my very own “Navy Wife” apparel.  Although I can’t walk down the aisle with Josephine to make it official, in the comfort of our home and the safety of the blogosphere, I am just as much of a wife as all of those women on base.  And maybe next year, the change will finally come. Thankfully, next year is right around the corner and hope is hanging in the closet.

Perhaps it’s this time of year, but I feel dizzy with Love and brimming with Thanks.  Everywhere I turn (on the news, of course), it seems someone is speaking on behalf of our peaceful, loving community.  We are so blessed to have dynamic individuals looking out for our rights and campaigning for our equality. I am thrilled to report yet another ally.  This man is doing great things for the closeted gay military (which you know is a subject near and dear to my heart.)

Congressman Jim Moran sent a letter, signed by 96 Members of Congress, on December 18^th to Robert Gates, Secretary of Defense. Moran requested monthly reports of service members discharged in 2009 under the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” (DADT) policy. These reports would detail rank, branch, and time in service. Moran asked the Office of the Secretary of Defense to provide all DADT data from January 1, 2009 until the present; the deadline is January 15, 2010.

Congressman Moran urges for the exposure of DADT discharge data in order to show the loss of national defense and level of waste in taxpayer dollars. Since DADT began, more than 13,500 service members have been lost, at a deficit of over $400 million.

For some, I’m sure this seems like a small step. However, to those of us that sit quietly in the closet, this request might as well be a pep rally.  Americans-gay, straight, military or civilian- need to truly understood the determent of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.  And when they do, perhaps then, change will come.

The following letter was sent to the Pentagon on December 18, 2009:

Dear Secretary Gates:

We write today with regards to the current prohibition on openly gay and lesbian service members in the military, commonly known as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT).

This discriminatory policy results in the Department of Defense losing tens of millions each year in unrecoverable recruiting and training costs. The 2006 Blue Ribbon Commission’s report on DADT found that the Pentagon wasted over $360 million due to this policy from 1994 until 2003, the last year studied. Since its enactment in 1994, over 13,500 service members have been discharged under DADT, including 730 mission critical soldiers and over 65 Arabic and Farsi linguists vital to the war on terrorism.

To increase transparency on the effects the DADT policy is having on our military and by extension our national defense, we request that the Office of the Secretary of Defense provide data on the current number of DADT discharges since January 1, 2009 to the present, no later than January 15, 2010. In addition, we request monthly reports thereafter to Congress detailing the number of enlisted service members and officers discharged under the policy including their job specialty (MOS), time in the service and branch of the military.  Through these monthly updates, Congress and the public will get a clearer picture of the continued costs and damage to our national security inflicted by this policy.

We appreciate your attention to this matter and look forward to a timely response.

Sincerely,

James P. Moran

From the Press Room at the Palm Center

The original letter sent to Secretary Gates can be found here.

Although it affects Jo and I on a daily basis, my own grandfather isn’t 100% in favor of repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Hence, I am grateful when someone agrees that the code is ludicrous. Especially when this someone graduated from the US Military Academy, served for five years in the Signal Corps in Germany, as a platoon leader, staff officer, and company commander and openly speaks out against Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

This woman on our side is Sue Fulton.  The Sunday morning guest on Rainbow Radio co-founded Knights Out and currently acts as their Communications Director.  Knights Out is an organization of LGBTQ West Point alumni with 75 graduates who are OUT.  There are another 150 graduate supporters including former West Point professors, Rhodes Scholars, decorated combat veterans from the Vietnam War, Iraq and Afghanistan, and many others who are coming out and serving their country in a new way.

Knights Out takes a firm stance against Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.  From the West Point Cadet Prayer, the organization’s mantra states “..never to be content with a half-truth when the whole can be won.”  Fulton understands our plight for equality in its true form.  Fulton described Knights Out’s mission as a statement of honor.  They strive for full equal rights for gays in the military and the opportunity to stand up and tell the truth.

Despite her active role in Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell reform, Fulton discussed her previous experience as a lesbian in the military. Fulton painted a sad picture of closeted lesbian life at West Point and the lifestyle that proceeded as an active duty soldier. She was investigated in the early 1980s due to false accusations by a homophobic commander.  Although the charges were dropped, Fulton described the agony she experienced during the investigation.  It still ” haunts her “that she was forced to lie about her sexual preference.  When Daniel Choi came out earlier this year (Choi is a co-founder of Knights Out), Fulton finally experienced some liberation.

Fulton was optimistic that the initial repeal of DADT could take place within the next year.  With her on our side, perhaps she might be right.

PODCAST @ http://www.rainbowradiosc.com/

Learn more about KNIGHTS OUT

Read more from Navy Wife

I have an old friend in New Jersey who was engaged long before there was even a civil union option. The Garden State was due to vote on gay MARRIAGE this past Thursday, yet they pushed back the vote.

TJ was filling me in on the details over a nice little Facebook chat.  I thought we could all learn a something from her story, and I’ve asked her to share with you…

Guest Blog: Engaged in the Garden State
By TJ Lock

I’m pretty confident that most would say I’ve led a charmed life.  Born and raised in a perfect little nook on the Jersey Shore (just north of the fist pumping and hair gel), I arrived from a definition nuclear family.  My coming out story was about as close to a fairy tale as you’d expect.  There were some small bumps along the way, but only because I didn’t know how to properly stand up for myself yet.

Fast forward to nine years and a handful of lesbian relationships later- we have a politically obsessed, civil rights on the brain, bitter and frustrated, open-endedly engaged, TG.

So what’s it like being gay and engaged in New Jersey?

My fiance, Sasha, is probably one of the most independent and opinionated people I know.   Surprisingly, though, when it comes to politics she is a little apathetic.   This works out pretty well for us.  I do the research and form my opinions and then I rant them to her.  Some of them stick and later on I hear her repeat them with conviction and I get all warm and fuzzy inside.

For a year or two we were happy to just be engaged.  We got diamond rings for each other and talked about bits and pieces of what our wedding would be like.  We continuously deflected all of the questions about setting the date with the reply of “we want to wait until its legal”.  After a while, some bitterness set in and our responses began to get more and more negative.  We’ve even watched (straight) friends get engaged after us and marry before us.

A couple of years ago, New Jersey made a peace offering by legalizing civil unions for same sex couples.  We opted not to get one.  To me, right from the get go it reeked of second class treatment.  My thoughts were:  If it is equal to a marriage, then why not call it a marriage?  We all know that separate but equal doesn’t work, so I’ll save my Brown v. Board of Ed. rant for another time and place.

The NJ Civil Union Act was enacted in February of ‘07 and within a year the Civil Union Review Commission deemed it as a failure.   One point for me.  Still no marriage for me, though.

In the time since this failure was noted, a Same Sex Marriage Bill has been written and just this past week was given the go ahead by the Senate Judiciary Board to be pushed through to an official Senate vote.  The vote was supposed to take place on Thursday, December 10th, but was postponed at the last minute.  Sponsors of the bill believed that they didn’t have adequate vote support in the Senate for it to pass.

Next month, New Jersey will have a new, Republican governor, Chris Christie.  Mr. Christie publicly opposes gay marriage and has vowed to veto the bill if it reaches his desk.   Our lame duck governor, Jon Corzine, has on the other hand, vowed to sign the gay marriage bill when and if it lands on his desk.   So here we are, with 2009 winding down and Governor Corzine’s reign coming to an end, lobbying our gay fannies off to get the NJ State Senators to understand that equality is essential all within the next 3 weeks.  The alternative? Four more years of engagement.  I think I’ll lobby.

Tonight, I met a young lesbian, Kitty, who is dating a women stationed with Jo. Kit came over with our puppy sitter. It’s amazing how the universe can bring you a new friend during a time when you both might need one. Her sailor is set to deploy next December. We don’t know anything about Jo’s fate with the military. However, I was desperately hoping our President would say the exact opposite of what he did.

I wonder what would happen if all of our beloved partners walked out, hand-in hand, offering to serve but not in silence.  Would they be able to send 30,000 troops if they lost 65,000 gay soldiers?

A worried wife can dream, can’t she?  Just needed to vent to the world…more once I’ve calmed down.

After our night at the Cougar bar, Jo and I decided to give ourselves a treat and go Gay. We searched the area and found a gay bar within driving distance. It was Rose’s last night in town and she was very supportive of our Sapphic desires. We called our puppy sitter, packed the car, and piled in for a little road trip.

Determined to cancel out the previous night with Buzz cut, Jo and I dressed to the nines in our favorite gay gear. I ditched my dress for one of Jo’s sexy vests. With jitters in my belly, one would think it was my first time. I felt eighteen all over again as I entered a gay bar after being strictly closeted for the past six months. Getting stamped by the sexually ambiguous bouncer offered a breath of fresh air. The emotions from our previous night’s debacle washed away.

As we made way to the bartender, my smile grew larger from ear to ear. Sitting on an open bar stool, Rose leaned over to tell me how comfortable my body language had become. I was home. Although I didn’t know a single person in this foreign place, I was home.

We joined the masses on the dance floor and Jo came in behind me. The love of my life was dancing close to me in a place where we could be ourselves. Yet, so much time had passed since we had been affectionate in public, it felt oddly unnatural. I grabbed her hand, determined to overcome this out-of-body experience I was having. As a Madonna classic came overhead, we broke for a bathroom break. I asked Jo how she felt about our long awaited night OUT. Sadly, it was odd for both of us. Although we sleep intertwined on a nightly basis and kiss endlessly in our home, we were officially that awkward gay couple who were unsure how to behave outside our closet walls. How could this possibly have happened in such a short time? I was once the girl who planned group trips to Provincetown. Who is this person I have become?

And then as quickly as the homecoming came, it was gone. I noticed that there were an unusual amount of (what seemed to be) straight men. Hmmm? Certainly nothing I had experienced before but if they were intrigued or curious, good for them for coming out. Unfortunately, as I watched more closely, it appeared that these men were checking out the lesbians.

Another beer in hand, I calmed myself, We deserve this night; I will not let my uneasy feeling and these sleazebags bother me. Jo and I just need to relax.

And then my typically calm and collected girlfriend gasped and ducked behind Rose. The dreaded words that I prayed would not be spoken during our gay getaway came out of Jo’s mouth in a sad and defeated whisper, “I work with that man across the bar.”

At first, Rose and I were relaxed, despite my internal horror. If he was here, far from base, then he must be gay too. But as Jo hid behind us, we studied him. He appeared to be enjoying the women much more than the men. Who knows if our interpretation of his behavior was accurate? I do know we cannot risk Jo’s career. What if he was straight? And what if he has seen us touch or kiss? Defeated, we got back in the car after only three dances and two beers. After our first attempt at girls’ night out, I had no tears left to shed.

My grandmother, very Catholic until her last breath, must have been in the car with us on that trip home.  Suddenly a prayer came to me that I heard for years growing up. Ironically, for the first time in my gay life, my Catholicism offered some peace.

God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Jo and I needed to let loose.  Hence, Friday was “Girl’s Night Out.”  In my pre-Navy existence, this would have consisted of our beautiful lesbian friends and a hot ‘girl’ party in the city.  Jo and I would slow dance, kiss, and walk home, hand in hand.  While we can no longer be publically affectionate, we still get giddy drunk and love dancing with our new girlfriends.  For Friday’s festivities, we chose a Cougar hot spot, as our friend Candy is a recent (hot) divorcee.  I love any reason to put on my favorite dress and paint on smoky eye makeup (yes, I am what you may call a lipstick lesbian.)  Jo, typically cozy in her kicks, broke out heels for this rare night out.

The best thing you’ve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it’s only life after all…

The evening began fabulously.  We snapped photos, danced to the live band and sang loudly. Grabbing a drink and cooling down at the bar, I was approached.  Tall, blond, chubby and not so handsome, he asked, “Can I buy you a drink?”
This is certainly not the first time I’ve been hit on by a man.  But it was the first time I could not respond with my usual, “I don’t think my girlfriend would like that.”  I suppose I could have said boyfriend, but I just said “No thank you.”

I am so proud of who I am and who I am with.  Moments like this,  blatant  denial of who we are, make me want to cry.  I suddenly longed for my lesbian haven.

Well darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable
And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear…

My sad darkness started to close in around me and then the night got worse.  Lightness was farther and farther away.  Our friend Rose, single, straight and very sexy, was approached by a man with a buzz cut.   As I walked up from the bathroom, Jo sharply whispered, “He’s military, don’t touch me.” I hadn’t touched her once the entire night, but that didn’t matter. Her fear had kicked in and punched me in the gut.

I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it…

As Rose danced with Buzz cut, my head began pounding.  I stopped ordering cocktails and began tearing up, sitting there listening to “Livin’ on a Prayer.” Regardless of our night OUT, we always have to be IN.

I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend…

There is no solace in this gay Navy world, just constant reminders of the fact that we can no longer be true to who we are.  This will never be even CLOSE to fine.

I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I’d been the night before…

As I drove to get coffee and bagels on Saturday morning, “Closer to Fine” by the Indigo Girls came on the radio (hence, the italic song reference throughout this post.)  Oddly, I immediately felt peace.  Jo and I may feel isolated in this new world without our lesbian network, but you are out there.  Just when I seem to lose sight of the community we were so actively a part of, an iconic lesbian duo streams through the radio and pulls me out of my own trenches. Perhaps we’ll be fine after all.

And then I heard from you, a lot of you. Calls, emails, texts, and blog messages. Thank you for your concern and thank you for asking me to write.

During one of these phone calls, I heard from a friend I had lost touch with. She is a writer and is also struggling with getting her career off the ground. We talked endlessly and inspired each other. We both admitted to being in ruts filled with writer’s block and despair. By the end of the conversation, she had purchased a plane ticket. We were going to get each other out of this and forge forward.

Rose arrived on Sunday. In two days, I’ve used my mind more than I have in a month. I have also made a huge decision. Previously, I held back with writing the “Navy Wife” novel. I believed this story was only my own and completely based on true events. I was not working on the novel because these events needed to unfold. I thought DADT needed to be overturned before I could really tell this story.

However, I realize now that I have the capability to represent the voice of so many silent spouses. I am not only telling my story: I want to tell yours. “Navy Wife” is no longer only the lives of Isabell James and Jo McCafferty. The book will now be based on true events occurring in the lives of gay military families across our nation.

I must sign off now and get moving with Chapter One.

Until next time…

I believe in the power of positive thinking and I am very aware that my writing has been a stream of negative energy involving a discussion of things we don’t have.  I have the love of my life.  I have my health.  And I am finally putting myself out there as a writer.  However, I can’t help but feel invisible.  In essence, I am.

I’ve been swimming against the current for weeks but have had my head above water until the events of last weekend.  I wasn’t overly optimistic about what the President would say at Saturday’s HRC event; however, I suppose I expected more than just the ‘same old, same old.’

I should add the disclaimer: I’m an illegitimate military spouse. No matter what Obama says that may be positive to others, until I have a clear understanding of his timeline regarding Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, I will not be happy.  Yes, President Obama once again eloquently stated that he would get rid of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.  He indicated that he is with the gay community in that fight.  But President Obama couldn’t begin to understand this fight from the inside.  He doesn’t know how Jo and I feel as we begin to discuss future deployment and what that will mean for our family.    He doesn’t know what it is like to be invisible.

In regards to the Hate Crimes Bill, President Obama said, “Together we will have moved closer to that day when no one has to be afraid to be gay in America.  When no one has to fear walking down the street holding the hand of the person they love.”

Ironically, this is the feeling Jo and I experience each and every day as a gay couple in the military.

Then, last Sunday was National Coming Out Day.  Although I should be proud to have an amazing partner that I plan to spend my life with, this year’s Out day was extremely difficult for me.    It was my first as a closeted gay American.  I had friends texting from the National Equality March in DC saying they missed Jo and I.  God, did I miss them too.

According to the National Park Police (NPS), there were approximately 200,000 attendees at the Gay Rights Rally. I sat in my living room, box of tissues in hand, as I watched the coverage, speech-by-speech on CSPAN.  David Mixner, Democratic Political Strategist and author, was the first individual to bring on my waterworks.

He pointed out that there are different rights for the LGBT community than the rest of the country.  Urging President Obama to lead Congress and not be led by congress, Mixner suggested Obama end the funding for the prosecution of DADT.  As Mixner asked how many more tears will be shed until the politicians in some back room decide to join our fight for freedom, I shed more tears of my own.

Believe me, this is not the first time I’ve sat alone while Jo is at work feeling sorry for myself, but watching this rally reminded me of all that we don’t have.  How am I supposed to remain positive while there is so much to fight for?

Dan Choi, Army Combat Veteran of the Iraq War who was dismissed under DADT, also spoke at the rally.  I am so thankful for this man and his understanding of what we go through.    After ripping tape from his mouth, he said something that has been with me all week.  I struggled with sharing my depression with all of you, but it is the reality of the situation we are in, so here I am, sharing myself.

Choi said, “You are a slave to the one you love.”  Despite this fact, he went on to encourage, “Love is worth fighting for, love is worth it.”  He shouted to the group on the mall and into my quiet living room, “I am telling…will you tell with me?”

As much as I want to lie in bed and feel sorry for our community, and myself, I need to stand up and Tell.   I need to shake off this negativity and continue my fight.   We must break free from this slavery of love.

The House voted today to expand the definition of violent federal hate crimes. The Senate should vote on the bill early next week, and then it goes to President Obama for his signature. If passed, the new definition would include hate crimes committed because of a person’s gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or disability to existing protections for bias crimes based on race, color, religion, and national origin.

“This measure is long overdue and I am pleased that Congress has voted to do what’s right,” said Congresswoman Tammy Baldwin. “Martin Luther King, Jr. often said that ‘the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.’ We see that beautifully illustrated here today,” said Baldwin who is Co-Chair of the Congressional LGBT Equality Caucus and a longtime champion of this legislation.

The final passage of the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Act, also known as the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act of 2009 was included in the conference report to the Fiscal Year 2010 National Defense Authorization Act (H.R. 2647) that passed the House (281-146) today.

“We passed this bill not to provide a group of people with special protections, but because of a history of heinous, violent crimes intended to terrorize individuals who share these characteristics,” Baldwin explained.

Part of a broad $681 billion Pentagon policy measure,The Matthew Shepard Act was named for the young gay man killed after being tortured in a 1998 hate-motivated crime. This bill sends an important message that these types of crimes (targeting women, gays and lesbians, transgender individuals, and people with disabilities) will no longer be tolerated.

House Republicans accused Democrats of legislative blackmail. Representative Todd Akin of Missouri, a senior Republican member of the committee, said “We believe this is a poison pill, poisonous enough that we refuse to be blackmailed into voting for a piece of social agenda that has no place in this bill.”

Final Pentagon measure must be approved by the Senate; however, the hate crimes provision has extensive support there. In a comment exclusively for LezGetReal, senior Republican on the Armed Services Committee, John McCain said, “You know I didn’t support the hate crimes bill, but the DOD authorization bill is part of a larger picture, there is a lot in this Defense bill I don’t like, you have to look at the bigger picture.”

Michigan Democrat, Senator Carl Levin, chairman of the Armed Services Committee, said the FBI recorded more than 77,000 hate crimes from 1998 through 2007. Crimes based on sexual orientation were on an upward trend. “The hate-crimes act will hopefully deter people from being targeted for violent attacks because of the color of their skin or their religion, their disability, their gender, or their sexual orientation, regardless of where the crime takes place,” he said.

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Imagine my excitement when Maddow discusses topics near and dear to my heart.  Last night after making my sailor’s lunch, I tuned in JUST in time to see the DADT segement.   As Bridgette reported earlier today, Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand appeared on the show.  Watch the clip.

Kirsten Gillibrand. is. amazing.  Patrick Murphy and Joe Sestak are awesome guys, but as a woman, it is so nice to also have a female on our side.  She is calling for the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.  To say the least, after seeing this empowering piece, my hump day was a little less lonely.

As eloquent as ever, Gillibrand affirmed the statements she made in the Huffington Post, ”In 2009 alone, we’ve had more than 400 of our brave men and women leave the military under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. This is simply unacceptable. It is time to repeal this outdated and immoral policy once and for all and end the ban on gays and lesbians serving openly and honestly in our armed forces.”

Gillibrand hopes to hold the first hearing on the policy since it began 16 years ago. She understands that time is of the essence and the time for repeal is now.

Tonight, Maddow is talking about that nasty little Gohmert; you bet it will be the highlight of evening.  Thanks again, friend.

More from Izzy.

10/7/09- by Isabell James

There are currently 176 cosponsors on the bill. Rep. Murphy was joined by a number of his colleagues on the floor of the House. Fellow supportive members argued the current policy weakens national security, wastes millions of dollars and damages morale and unit cohesion

Conversely , Rep. Gohmert spent a great deal of time discussing the hate crimes amendment to the Defense Authorization Bill. He did mention that the debate on ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,’ is over whether or not they should serve openly in the military. According to Gohmert, open service would be a distraction and destroy unit cohesion. He embarked on an ignorant rant; watch the video clip- there are really no words to discuss this disgusting man.

Anderson Cooper also took on “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” this week, hosting discharged (under DADT) Lt. Dan Choi and right wing, Elaine Donnelly, of the Center for Military Readiness. Donnelly, the anti-gay crusader, discussed the 1000 signatures she collected from retired military personnel against the repeal.

Choi quickly responded, “You can go to senior citizens center all the time and collect all the signatures you want, but they are so detached from reality. Those soldiers that are on the ground right now, they know people that are gay in their units…You can spend all the time that you want getting these petitions. But there are gay and lesbian soldiers that are serving right now. They don’t have time to collect petitions like you do. And they are serving so they can protect your freedoms, so you can actually say the things that you’re doing.”

The Associated Press reported, “A statement issued by the retired officers Tuesday said passage of that bill ‘would undermine recruiting and retention, impact leadership at all levels, have adverse effects on the willingness of parents who lend their sons and daughters to military service, and eventually break the All-Volunteer Force.’ Among the signatories were Gen. Carl E. Mundy, Jr., a former commandant of the Marine Corps; Adm. Leighton W. Smith, a former commander of U.S. Naval Forces Europe; Gen. Charles A. Horner, who commanded U.S. aerial forces during the 1990-91 Gulf War; and Adm. Jerome L. Johnson, a former vice chief of Naval Operations. The retired officers said they strongly supported the principle that ‘homosexuality is incompatible with military service’ and warned that repeal of current law could jeopardize morale and ‘unit cohesion.’”

Aubrey Sarvis, Executive Director of the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, criticized Donnelly. “The signers of this petition are mired in the fears and politics of the past. More than 75 percent of the American public, including most younger service members as well as many active duty flag officers, realize the question is not if ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ is repealed, but when and how.”

While there are negative and positive events coming out of last night, most importantly, there is conversation. With guys like Patrick Murphy and Dan Choi fighting for our cause, there is a great deal of Hope in our future.

Rachel Maddow just discussed this very topic and interviewed Senator Kirsten Gillibrand of New York. She is pushing for a hearing to discuss the repeal sometime this FALL. I’ll post the video in a bit; THANK GOD for another dynamic politician on our side. We are building an army of DADT crusaders.

Video you will LOVE:

Anderson Cooper’s Heated Debate: “Gays In Military”

Gay civil rights for the United States military is just another thing on the President’s desk.

Yesterday on CNN’s “State of the Union,” James Jones, President Obama’s national security advisor, said Obama “has an awful lot on his desk. I know this is an issue [Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell] that he intends to take on at the appropriate time. And he has already signaled that to the Defense Department. The Defense Department is doing the things it has to do to prepare, but at the right time, I’m sure the president will take it on.”

Jones indicated the President will focus “at the right time” on how to overturn the “don’t ask, don’t tell” ban on gays serving openly in the military. “I don’t think it’s going to be – it’s not years, but I think it will be teed up appropriately,” James Jones said.

Well, us gays will just wait for the President to put on his Sunday jeans and “tee off” on the gay rights issue he seemed so boisterous about during last year’s election.

Is there any light in this dark tunnel? Yes. Thank you Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid(D-Nev.) In a letter written on September 24^th, Reid asked Obama and Defense Secretary Robert Gates for a review of the cases of two U.S. officers who were discharged from the military for being gay. Reid said, “At a time when we are fighting two wars, I do not believe we can afford to discharge any qualified individual who is willing to serve our country.”

The House is considering legislation to repeal “don’t ask, don’t tell” and allow people who have been discharged under the policy to rejoin the military. Obama supported repealing the law throughout his campaign; however, action is not expected until early 2010. The White House has said it will not stop the military from dismissing gays and lesbians who acknowledge their sexuality.

634 members of the military were discharged for being gay in 2008, according to an Aug. 14 congressional report. Imagine if they lost all 65,000 gay servicemembers in the next couple of years? I bet that would be a pretty big item on Barack’s desk.

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On Friday, a Clear Channel billboard in Memphis, TN featuring gay Marine, Tim Smith was ripped to shreds. The destroyed billboard featured Smith in uniform with the words, “I’m gay and I protected your freedom.” Smith was honorably discharged under the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, 20 days before he was set to deploy to Iraq.

The billboard was among five that the Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community Center had posted throughout the city in mid-September to recognize National Coming Out Day on Oct. 11. The center will hold a rally tomorrow, Sunday, October 4 to protest the vandalism and plans to restore the billboard.

Watch newscast, including interview with Tim Smith.

More from Izzy:

http://izzyjames.blogspot.com/

Twitter @navywifeizzy

Facebook @Isabell James

I’m passionate about this cause, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell-well actually, gay rights, in general. However, I have never been one to write letters. I didn’t send it yet; I’m considering it. Jo is working long hours now so I need to discuss it with her when she gets home.

Today, I read something in Jo’s copy of Navy Times that really inspired me…

So I got my butt in gear and wrote this letter… Comments are welcomed.

Dear Ms. Obama,
Michelle. I’m sorry to call you Michelle; I mean no disrespect. I am one of your biggest fans.

I have been so inspired and driven because of you and your husband. I am Isabell James, a lesbian navy “wife” (we can’t make it official because my partner could be fired for trying to buy me a diamond.) As a fellow woman, wife, driven professional, and lover of civil rights, I ask you to empathize. We need your help.
In this week’s Navy Times*, it was reported that Navy and military officials are “moving out aggressively” in an attempt to end the ban on women aboard submarines. I’m hoping things go well. The article is hopeful but the last quote is a punch to the gut.
Ian Dent, who served for 23 years on Trident submarines, told the New York Times, “I can tell you emphatically that placing women on submarines would destroy the tight-knit cohesiveness necessary for the smooth operation of a submarine.”
Doesn’t that argument sound familiar?
I keep forgetting women are not equals in the military. Neither are homosexuals. It seems like such an odd argument to be having in 2009 with a black man leading our nation for the first time in history. I didn’t realize my girlfriend couldn’t serve on a sub. If I do say so myself, that sucks.
The end of this ban is a step in the right direction on behalf of the military ending discriminatory policies. Maybe you can point the article out to Barack over dinner (the girls might enjoy it too… I think it is a big step for all women to know about.) I hope he finds this possible change indicative of things to come for the military.
And perhaps he could say something about gay military rights one day soon to inspire this little gay community (all 65,000-plus family) who loved him so much last November? We’re on the edge of our seats over here. Give us something to keep from falling off.

Sincerely,
Desperate Lesbian Housewife
*****

*Navy Times, October 5, 2009:
(Your Navy Section)
Undersea interrogation…support ending ban on women serving aboard subs

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At the end of June, I quit my lucrative job with great benefits and vacation time. I packed up our studio and planned a night out to say farewell to family and friends. I left my very OUT life to go back in the closet; I did this for love. I followed my heart and my partner, Jo, who is serving active duty in the military.

In this closeted journey, there are good and bad days. Sometimes Jo is home for a long weekend, other nights I’m all alone wishing I could join one of the many groups for military wives. Up until now, I’ve documented our experience via my personal blog. This will be my first opportunity to reach a large-scale audience. Today is a good day and a great step in my plight for equal rights.

According to the Urban Institute, there are at least 65,000 gay Americans serving active duty. Another 13,000 have been discharged since 1994 under the DADT policy. Unfortunately, the number of invisible partners and children remains completely undetermined.

Although thrilled to speak on behalf of other closeted military spouses, I am also petrified. My family and friends share my fears. Everyone asks, “What does Jo think about ‘going public’?”

I questioned her this morning over blueberry pancakes.

“I’m deleting my Facebook,” she joked. Looking at me with those warm eyes I fell in love with, she added “I’m very proud of you. You’re not just telling our story; you are sharing the story of so many. You need to do this, Izzy. There are couples who have been living like this for decades. It’s time the silence is broken.”

With Jo’s blessing, I would like to introduce myself to the LezGetReal community. I’ve been asked to report on DADT but I must warn you, I am not your typical reporter. While I will bring you breaking news coming off Capital Hill, I also plan to share an inside perspective of the discrimination we face on a day-by-day basis.

The Washington Post/ABC News conducted a poll in July 2008, which found that 75 percent of Americans favor allowing gays to serve in the military. For a country engrossed in the gay marriage debate, why is there not a louder discussion, a stronger push for President Obama to follow through on his campaign promise to repel DADT.

While Jo and I sit and anxiously await news from Congress and the Pentagon, she could lose her job just for being associated with me. I’m not talking about holding my hand or making out at a gay club (although those are obvious reasons for discharge). She cannot be prosecuted for her gay ‘status;’ however, any evidence of homosexual conduct could get her discharged. ‘Evidence’ could include personal letters, emails, or even ownership of gay-themed DVDs. I guess I should burn our L Word collection?

Everyone affected by DADT has been too afraid to talk about it. Jo was recently in a discrimination workshop led by the military. The moderator asked for examples of discriminatory policies. One woman boldly responded, “Homosexuality.” The moderator gasped, “Wow. Yes. This is the first time anyone has ever said that.”
Jo and I were appalled but not shocked. Why would anyone mention such a taboo subject? The woman who shared her opinion openly was able to do so because she is in a heterosexual marriage.

Harvey Milk once said, “The only ways we’ve ever made advances are when we’ve named the dream. Not the crumbs, not the little pieces around the edges. You have got to name the dream, or you’ll never get it.”

My dream is equal rights for ALL of our servicemen and women. I am not simply addressing the freedom to be out. They should also have the right to care and provide for their loved ones, the same rights as their straight counterparts.

And secretly, my dream is to kiss my (wo)man in uniform just like any other military wife.

You can read more of Isabells thoughts on her blog