Cartoon depicting abstinence only sex education

The stereotype is simple: Liberal states have loads of divorce and lots of preggers teenagers. Conservative states have loads of stable families and teenagers keeping the abstinence pledge. Like most stereotypes, it’s WRO-ONG! Just as wrong as the myth that same sex parents produce problem children.

A new federal study, and a new book, blow the whole idea that conservative states and evangelical churches produce better families to hell and back. A brief review of the results:

The “blue family,” as in Democratic “blue state,” has a higher rate of women with college educations snd they are more likely to be married than those who dropped out of high school. Men and women who marry after age 25 have lower divorce rates than those who married younger. The more educated the couple, and the later they defer childbearing (though not too late), the more stable the family. Established careers based on higher education means a family is more affluent, better able to purchase a home, and better able to afford the things that enhance a child’s education. Divorce rates of these families are at levels not seen since the 1960′s, and non-marital births have decreased.

In the “red states,” conservative, more prone to belong to non-mainstream, evangelical churches, there is strong support for abstinence instead of sex education and bans on abortion. But in these states, teenagers are having sex (and more frequently unprotected sex) at a slightly lower age than in blue states (16.38 years to 16.52 years of age). Evangelical couples are more likely to divorce than non-evangelical couples and evangelical mothers are more likely to hold full-time jobs than non-evangelicals. Also, with lower education levels and the general economics of states with “right to work” laws, there is a greater chance that these mothers are doing shift work in retail with odd hours and weekends. Economics are making it harder for traditionalists to create traditional marriages with well-defined gender roles. Where those roles aren’t expected, there is greater satisfaction with the marriage. A woman who grows up expecting to be a full-time homemaker and ends up working a register at the supermarket is not a happy woman and her marriage will not be happy.

The recession has had a great impact on marriage. The typical blue state family, where the couple have had more time to mature, to develop their sexuality, to find their place in the career world and to negotiate marital roles fitting their personalities and careers are more able to survive economic difficulty, both economically and emotionally.

Traditionalists, however, react to hard times by choosing to become even more traditional and pushing traditional family values as policy. States that have pushed abstinence-only sex education, limit subsidies and access to contraception and restrict abortion, and oppose same-sex marriage, have higher teen birth and divorce rates. And when the imposition of those family values policies fails to improve society, they just dig in harder. In spite of all the laws that conservative state legislatures have passed, the recession and the sluggish recovery have produced more teen pregnancies, more unwed mothers and more abortions, not less. Worse, for these traditionalists, males are unemployed at higher rates than females, which creates even greater strains on couples who have married young.

Naomi Cahn and June Carbone have published Red Families v. Blue Families, which explores the study data and draws conclusions about the policy decisions this nation should be making. At Amazon, it is available for Kindle at just $9.99, half the price of the hard cover. For those wishing to engage in the battle against the laws being proposed to force religion-based family values into our civil laws, owning this book is worth the investment. Facts are always useful.

Related articles

• West Texas School Administrators See Literally No Connection Between Their Choice Of Sex Education And Teen Pregnancy Rates (hayladies.wordpress.com)
• Rick Perry Can’t Handle Evidence in Epic Fail of Abstinence Question: VIDEO (towleroad.com)
• Weak Argument for Abstinence (crossexaminedblog.com)
• Letter: Evangelicals and Marriage (nytimes.com)
• Atheist Divorce Rates Among Lowest in America (queerlandia.com)
• Sarah Palin’s Views on Abstinence Lead to Second Grandchild (thegreatone22.wordpress.com)
• Red Families, Blue Families, Gay Families (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)

State Capitol, Pierre, South Dakota

Facing budget problems, over 120 school districts in 20 states have chosen to shrink the academic schedule to a four-day week. Most of the states are in the West and Mid-West, though Florida and Georgia are discussing the idea. The school day in Irene, South Dakota, will be lengthened by a half-hour, lunch and phys ed classes shortened adding about three hours of instruction time to the four days. The states where this has been implemented include Texas, Idaho, Colorado, Minnisota, Montana and New Mexico. The cost savings come primarily in busing, fuel, support staff and operational costs of the buildings. South Dakota’s Education Secretary Melody Schopp, says that schools that have switched to four days have not suffered in achievement tests. That doesn’t really say much since we have learned that the No Child Left Behind testing systems have accomplished nothing but shifting school systems to teaching to the tests.

Heaven forbid we should eliminate a few tax breaks for the rich to keep our schools competitive with the emerging world. Our disjointed, fractured school systems are already doing a lousy job of educating our children, so why not make it harder for them to compete in a global economy. If one believed in conspiracy theories, one could begin to see a pattern here – first downgrade workers’ expectations for pay and benefits, then downgrade their children’s educations so that when the rising middle classes of former third-world countries become too expensive, companies can return to America for super cheap labor. First, they ship our jobs to Nicaragua, then they turn us into Nicaragua. That is, if one believed in a vast right wing conspiracy…..

Irene, South Dakota, is going to save about $50,000 a year, which will allow them to keep a vocational education program that would have had to be scraped. Most four-day systems have classes from 8 a.m. to around 3:30 or 3:45 p.m. daily. They will retain the traditional school year with a full summer vacation. The normal 180-day school year will be reduced to 144 days.

So, how does that rack up against, say, China? The Chinese summer vacation is only six weeks, not ten, but summer vacation is spent in summer classes or studying for entrance exams for university. The school day runs from 7:30 a.m. to 5 p.m., with a two hour lunch/recess break. That means a seven and a half hour day, so around the same amount of time daily, but an additional day. Class size is 21 students and computer to student ratio is 1:2. Language and math skills are tested yearly and passage is required for advancement.

How about Australia? Two hundred days per year in four terms each lasting 9 to 11 weeks with two weeks vacation between terms. School day is 9 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., class size is 18 and computer to student ratio is 1:3.

In South Korea, the two school terms run March to July and September to February. Each day is 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., with enrichments and activities into the evening. Special classes are held on Saturdays. Beginning in third grade, students are taught English.

Japan is having an interesting problem. They used to have six-day a week school schedules, then switched to the five-day. Parents have complained ever since that kids have too much time on their hands and are wasting it watching TV or playing video games. A whole industry has arisen for activities on the weekends, craft classes and sports being the most prominent. In spite of their “shortened” school year, Japan consistently ranks higher than the United State in academic achievement.

In fact, the United States ranks #12 at 4^th grade, #28 at 8^th grade and #19 at 12^th grade. The increase between 8^th and 12^th grades has more to do with our drop-out rate than with increases in academic achievement. Singapore, Japan, South Korea and Hong Kong beat us in 4^th and 8^th grade. Most of Europe outranks us in all grades.

So, when we most desperately need to improve education so that our children can compete in the global economy, we are shortening the school week and limping along without a national curriculum and only minimal national standards.

But, lastly, let’s look at the economic consequences of this switch to four-day school weeks.  Parents will have to arrange an extra day of day care, increasing their costs.  That is, if they can find day care.  Most day care facilities operate at license maximum as it is.  While someone will be making money off the babysitting, it is just as likely that the babysitting will fall to older siblings, increasing potential for accidents in the home and all the dangers to latchkey children.  Those school bus drivers and support staff are losing income, reducing consumer purchasing in those communities.   So, to save $50,000 the town of Irene will suffer an economic shrinkage and place possibly hundreds of children in jeopardy every Friday.  They alternative to not being able to find day care or leave children at home alone would be for a parent to cut their work hours.  Great trade off. 

Related articles

• South Dakota School Districts Eliminate Friday Classes To Save Money (huffingtonpost.com)
• The high cost of “austerity.” (thenewquakeragitator.wordpress.com)
• South Dakota schools cut costs with 4-day week (msnbc.msn.com)
• South Dakota schools cut costs with 4-day week (sfgate.com)

Mitt Romney, by Donkey Hotey on Flikr

Poor Mitt Romney. He filed his financial disclosure this week and the news is so bad. After pouring millions of his own money into the 2008 presidential primary race, and with the effects of the lingering bad economy, Romney lost 8% of his wealth between 2007 and 2010. He’s now only worth $264 million. That’s not even spitting distance of the Forbes 400 whose entry level is now $1 billion in personal wealth/assets.

Poor Mitt Romney. Like he keeps saying, he’s just an unemployed slob like the rest of us.

The New Yorker magazine’s George Packer, in the July 25 issue, was kind enough to provide us with a profile of a real unemployed slob just for comparison…..

Danny Hartzell was laid off from a packaging plant in 2008, losing not just his job and wages, but his health insurance as well. The only job he could get was as a part-time shelf stocker at a Target store for $8.50 an hour with no benefits. His daughter was diagnosed with bone cancer. His hours at the Target store were slowly reduced to just 5 hours a week. In April, he was fired. He cannot file for new benefits for losing his Target job because of a new law supported and signed by Republican Governor Rick Scott. The Hartzells lost their home and were living in a roach-infested apartment. Florida roaches are not a sign of filth, even the cleanest homes have them, and they are not your tiny Northern roaches. They don’t even call them roaches in Florida. They are Palmetto bugs and average over an inch in length. Most are the size of peach pits.

The Hartzell’s only income right now is the emergency Supplemental Security Income and food stamps, two of those “entitlement” programs Republicans like Romney want to terminate. Paul Ryan’s “budget” would force a 50% cut in those two programs.  Mr. Hartzell’s daughter was treated in a charity hospital because even Medicaid doesn’t cover all the costs of cancer treatment for a child. A small saving grace was the fact that his teenaged son was healthy.

 On July 1, the Hartzell family packed what few possessions they have left into a rental truck and, with a whopping $29 to their names, drove from Tampa to Northern Georgia, where an old acquaintance had offered them shelter – in an area with no jobs and fewer prospects. I would try to connect him with a friend of ours there, but Sam’s house painting business is on the verge of bankruptcy. Seems people aren’t getting their houses painted these days.

The official unemployment rate is 9.2%. The actual rate is closer to 20%. Men like Danny Hartzell aren’t in the official number, in part because they can’t collect unemployment and the official unemployment rate is determined by phone surveys, not physical counts.

The day Mitt Romney understands the difference between him and Danny Hartzell, he will understand why his jokes about being unemployed fall so very flat. He and his beautiful family have never had to brush dozens of Palmetto bugs off their possessions before loading them into a truck to move from one jobless place to another. Romney and other Republicans could probably sit through ten showings of The Grapes of Wrath and not understand that what happened then is happening now – despairing, desperate families taking to the road in search of anything that resembles employment. No, the Republican ideology says that 20% of us are choosing to not have jobs, and millions more are just welfare-collecting leeches. They don’t support jobs programs because they believe we don’t want the dignity and self-esteem of earning paychecks.

Mitt Romney made his millions by buying up companies and gutting them – personally being responsible for the lay-offs of thousands of men and women. Like the rest of the Republican field, he is completely clueless about the realities of this nation at this time.

Related articles

• Mitt Romney Says ‘Corporations are People’, Gets Heckled at Iowa State Fair: VIDEO (towleroad.com)
• New Balance Distances Itself from $500K Donation by Chairman James Davis to Anti-Gay PAC Backing Mitt Romney (towleroad.com)
• Mitt Romney Worth $190 Million, Maybe $250 Million, He’s Not Really Sure (inquisitr.com)
• George Packer: The debt-ceiling fight continues. (newyorker.com)
• Politicians Not Connected With Reality…”Empty Wallets” (educationclearinghouse.wordpress.com)

7/7/2011

Most people know how controversial the world of child beauty contests can be.  The Learning Channel‘s Toddlers and Tiaras reveals to the world what parents will do to help their child succeed in the ruthless world of beauty and competition.  Sometimes the show is extremely hard to watch, because some of the things the parents put their children through are harsh and cruel.  However, most episodes show how dedicated the children really are when it comes to competitions like this.  Some of them actually love the spot light, and the work, including a 7 year old boy who loves to compete up on stage with the girls.

Last night, on the premier of the latest episode, the show introduced self-described “diva” Brock Ritter.  According to his mother, Tori Ritter, he became interested in pageants at the age of 2, and when expressing his dream at the age of 5 was bullied by fellow students.

“We dealt with it in kindergarten,” Tori explains during an interview on E!. “A couple of boys in his class said dancing was a girls thing. It took the teacher telling them that football players take ballet for them to understand.”

During the E! interview Tori talked about her son very proudly.

“He loves school, he loves to read,” She said.  She also explained that he is currently in a “hardcore” advanced reading program that has him reading way beyond his age group.

He is also a “tap dancing machine,” she explained, “I asked him ‘What kind of dance do you want to do?’ and he said tap. He’s been dancing for six years now.”

As anyone would ask, where is the father in all of this, and how does he feel about it?  Well according to Tori, Dad is the one mixing and cutting all the music Brock dances to, and his routines are a family affair.  “We don’t work with a coach, we play around at home.”  She said.

Brock has already become a pro at dance and gymnastics, and has earned a half dozen first-place trophies.  He also dreams of performing on stage on Broadway one day.  He even makes up his own routines and songs at home according to Tori.

“He’s not your typical kid.”  She explained.

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June 7, 2011

By: Jamie Clark
Right now, I can’t help but wonder why the Minnesota Republican Party members who are connected to Bradlee Dean didn’t remember to pay him to keep his mouth shut. I am thankful however, that they didn’t, because he has managed to open the eyes of many people who thought he was nothing more than a harmless, arrogant threat. Turns out, Minnesota has a political mafia on our hands.

Today, the Minnesota Independent posted an article titled, “Bradlee Dean takes credit for passing anti-gay marriage amendment.” The harbinger of death (aka Dean), wrote on his June 4th blog that he believes he has “done his duty.”  He continued by saying, “The people of the great state of Minnesota now have the power to vote.” I find this quite telling since he has direct ties to  Minnesota Republican Party members who helped push the overthrow of our state Constitution, including Michele Bachmann, who has been fighting for years to let people vote on the human rights of others. Also, lets not forget Tom Emmer and the Target boycott that brought demonstrations outside their stores due to their major contribution to his campaigns, which include anti-gay proposals.  Emmer and Dean run in the same circle, which apparently has meetings (“prayers”) right in front of everyone, and so far, the joke has been on us for not seeing all of this. This inside joke was not funny and, due to Bradlee Dean and his big mouth, we are in on it now too.

Dean thinks that homosexuals “engage in illegal activities” that he calls “immoral,”  and due to his “christian” beliefs, he finds that it is “moral” to imprison or execute them. He also uses the youth involved in his “You Can Run But You Can’t Hide” ministries to go out and collect money for what he calls “suicide prevention,” when really he is stealing from uninformed citizens looking to help a good cause. Of course, Dean defends this because he apparently feels that homosexuality  will lead to suicide, never mind the fact that gay kids (and adults) are killing themselves due to people like him, not homosexuality.  Dean will be bringing his “suicide prevention” team to the Minnesota State Fair this summer to collect more money for his kill the gays ministry. I would like to urge you to contact them and inform them that he is taking money from people under false pretenses, which actually is an illegal activity.

I need to know that I am painting a clear enough picture for everyone to see just how involved the man that wants to kill homosexuals is with the Minnesota Marriage (un)Constitutional Amendment. Not only is he backed by several Republican Party members, many in the MN DFL have even referred to this Amendment as the “Bradlee Dean Amendment.“ Senate District 44 DFLers took to Twitter to share their sentiments about the situation. They tweeted “MNGOP knows they are on the wrong side of history by passing the Bradlee Dean Amendment. It WILL be defeated in 2012.” Right here on the Iron Range of Minnesota, DFL-Hibbing Representative Carly Melin had tweeted “Bradlee Dean Amendment placed on the calendar this evening.” How’s that for a crystal clear picture?

I really do not enjoy giving a false prophet like Bradlee Dean attention, he has already had too much. The problem is that the focus has been merely on the horrible things he says and not the people that he has supporting him, and what is really going on with the hijacking of our state Constitution. Even if you disagree with same sex marriage and homosexuality, do you really want us dead? Do you really want to give these people the chance to write discrimination into the document that protects us all? I think decent people and good Christians will need to think about  their votes very carefully. This is not a decision to take lightly because, in the end, the lives of people could be at stake, and it‘s hard to think otherwise anymore. This Amendment is just the beginning of something that may be very hazardous to the well being of your neighbors. Changing a Constitution to discriminate against a minority due to your personal feelings is not only wrong, but it is dangerous. He is the stunning example of the term “sociopath.”
“Sociopath- (noun)-a person, as a psychopathic personality, whose behavior is antisocial and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.” – This word is also used to describe Charles Manson, who was another  false prophet. He convinced his  followers that he was Jesus reincarnated and was able to get them to murder innocent people based on his word. People are easily brainwashed, which makes the situation in Minnesota even more urgent. Yes, Bachmann, Dean and the other hijackers of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, have been very busy here. Michele is “talking to God” and Dean wants to kill homosexuals in the name of Jesus, but to keep the blood off their hands, the GOP is putting it on the hands of Minnesota voters.

Bradlee Dean makes a mockery out of Christianity, which is based on the morals and teachings of Jesus Christ.  He even states in the introduction to “My War,” that the “ultimate message of My War is Jesus Christ” adding that the so called homosexual “illegal agenda” is “aimed at demoralizing children.“ Don’t forget that this is the same guy using kids to steal money from people, while he points the finger elsewhere when child corruption is sitting on his shoulders.  It sounds like he feels that he is obligated, in the name of Jesus, to kill gay people to make sure they get into Heaven. Good, true Christians should be angry that this man is spitting on the sacrifice Jesus made that day on the cross. Right now, I am asking myself ‘who would Jesus kill?’

“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”-Luke 23:34

Related articles

• The GOP’s “How To Manipulate A Nation Like the Third Reich” Handbook (lezgetreal.com)
• The Bachmann and Friends Death Squad (lezgetreal.com)
• MN Marriage Ban In Jeopardy After Anti-Gay Prayer By Bradlee Dean (joemygod.blogspot.com)

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June 7, 2011

By: Jamie Clark

Bradlee Dean is often called an attention seeker with a love of controversy. I can agree but, when you look between the lines he is more like a harbinger of death and destruction, set loose on Minnesota with the full support of Michele Bachmann and friends. The war on America runs deeper than some people take the time to realize.

Dean is the founder of “You Can Run But You Can’t Hide” (YCRBYCH) ministries. Honestly the name is perfect in a way, especially since he thinks homosexuals should be imprisoned or even executed. There is no escaping the fact that he could  be the doppelganger of Fred Phelps, at least that’s how crazy he sounds. The biggest difference is the fact that quite possibly all of America despises Phelps, but a lot of  people actually buy into Dean’s garbage. The fact that the original Fred rants about God “hating” America so much that he is even thankful for dead soldiers, is enough to anger pretty much anyone because only a monster would do that. Dean’s trick is that he claims to be a person of God trying to save the United States from the evil that he calls homosexuality. He doesn’t push the line that Phelps does so people seem to think he is more credible, even though he thinks gays and lesbians need to be wiped out.

Last month Minnesota was in the spotlight after the Republican majority had Dean deliver an opening prayer at a state legislative session. Apparently they thought it was okay to have the kill the gays guy do this, otherwise they wouldn’t have asked him to come. There was no turning back once he gave his discriminatory prayer, no matter how much they tried to act like they felt guilty. Michele Bachmann however, must love this guy because she prays for him, helps fund his programs and even  recommends his ministry,  according to the YCRBYCH website.

Dean is also friends with fellow gay hater Bryan Fischer, who supports  claims that Hitler was a homosexual, therefore the the slaughter of millions of innocent people was the fault of gay people. Fischer gets this disgusting, ungrounded sentiment from another leader in the full out assault on homosexuals from a man named Scott Lively. I get a very unsettled feeling in my soul when I know that a man who has ties to the “Uganda Kill the Gays” bill, which calls for the imprisonment or execution of homosexuals in that country, has connections like this with people like Dean.

I can almost see Minnesota in the year 2014 if Bachmann’s evil scheme to sabotage the state Constitution works. Homosexuals would be running with no where to hide, while Bradllee Dean and his brothers in arms gather us up for our eradication. I would hope the federal government would step in, but one can not be sure of even that, especially if a GOP candidate takes the presidency. I wonder  if it would be cheaper to get rid of us here, or to ship us to Uganda and let them deal with us?

I hope I don’t regret putting that question here.  You never know when Michele or Dean might be taking notes to share at their next tea party with the boys.

Related articles

• The GOP’s “How To Manipulate A Nation Like the Third Reich” Handbook (lezgetreal.com)
• Radio talker Bradlee Dean accuses Keith Ellison (D-MN) of trying to overthrow the US Constitution and replace it with Shari’a law. (barenakedislam.wordpress.com)
• Watch: Anti-Gay Minister Sneaks In Jesus References During Non-denominational Prayer AT Minn. House, Slams Obama (towleroad.com)

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June 5, 2011
By: Jamie Clark
Minnesota-What can two LGBT teens do when they are bullied by an entire school district that has a “don’t say gay” policy?Personally,  I suggest following the example of Desiree Shelton and Sarah Lindstrom who fought back by saying “gay” in Minnesota’s most intolerant school district.

Desiree and Sarah knew LGBT students needed their help if they were going to survive in the Anoka-Hennepin school district long enough to make it to graduation. Kids were being bullied to death  not only by other students, but also by an intolerant school district that believes ‘don’t say gay’ policies are a safe alternative to gay/straight alliances. Students were committing suicide after being endlessly bullied by peers who had spent their school years being taught that being gay is so wrong that it’s an unmentionable word. It was a tragic case of bullies creating bullies to be sent out into the world to spread intolerance and discrimination, and the outcome was heartbreaking.

Nine students killed themselves, seven within a year, in this district after being horribly bullied, four were openly gay. Families were destroyed and it was still not enough to get these school officials to see the dangers in silenced children. They simply refused to address anti-gay sentiments in their schools. Things were not improving either as the school district not only denied any responsibility in anything that transpired but they also insisted no bullying had occurred to begin with. A brave young man named Jacob Tighe  stood up at the December 2010 school board meeting to share his own experience of being bullied for his perceived sexual orientation.  He told them he had also watched a personal  friend be tormented for who she was until she took her own life only to have her bullies say she “deserved to die.” Jacob finished by stating,” You tell us to report things, but when people come forward, like some have done in this very boardroom, you say that what we say isn’t true.” He  asked the school board “Why should kids come forward if you aren’t going to believe them?” This young ally’s words couldn’t get through to them, and neither could the words Tammy Aaberg, whose son hanged himself in his closet after being endlessly harassed for being gay. The school board felt a full assault on the rights of students was better than any idea that outraged parents or distraught teens could come up with to solve the problem.

The Anoka Hennepin school district decided the best way to combat LGBT student suicide was by letting Barb Anderson, who represents The Minnesota Family Council and the Parents Action League, push her anti LGBT fears even deeper into their already stained reputation. Barb Anderson bragged that her work with these organizations  had kept the “real” threat out of the schools, and according to her the real danger is LGBT advocacy groups that promote tolerance and distribute school saftey materials that help combat gay youth bullying. Anderson said that these groups are the ones that caused the bullying in the first place because they were basically helping kids feel secure enough to come out of the closet. She specifically spoke against GLSEN (Gay Straight Lesbian Education Network) by calling them the “driving force, really the clearing house for all of the homosexual propaganda” and stated that they are a “real dangerous organization” comparable to a “child corruption organization.”

By January of this year, all of this intolerance being thrown around  was exactly why Desiree and Sarah realized something needed to be done to reach out to kids whose lives were suddenly thrown into the spot light. They felt they needed to know that their peers would give them support and a voice. The teens ran, and were elected by the student body to walk together as an “out” couple for the Champlin Park High School Snow Days coronation ceremony, which is an annual event that allows the students to elect who enters the Ball together. The school district retaliated and attempted to silence these young ladies too, by changing the student election policy after the fact and claiming it was against the rules. They thought they were pretty smart.  Desiree and Sarah proved that they were smarter by getting ahold of the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) and the  National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR). These advocate groups informed the school district that not only were they violating the First and Fourteenth Amendment Rights of the newly elected couple, they were also violating the Minnesota Human Rights Act. They warned school officials that the girls either got their rightful place next to their peers as a couple, or they would ask a judge his opinion. Before the end of the month the school district agreed to let the LGBT couple enter together in procession with their classmates in front of an audience of peers and family, making them the first LGBT couple to ever  beat the Anoka Hennepin school district “don’t say gay” policy.

The “silencers of hate” were invited to  be special guests at the NCLS 34th Anniversary Celebration this May where they were referred to as “champions in the movement for equality and justice.” Desiree has said that they knew they had to stand up “for the kids that are closeted, the ones that are scared or feel worthless because of harassment or torment.”

The Minnesota Family Council and the Anoka Hennepin school district obviously had no idea who they were up against when they denied these girls their rights. They obviously thought Desiree and Sarah could be bullied into silence through intolerance but didn’t take into account that they were up against  two out and proud MN LGBT teens helping the silenced speak.

Remember, Silence is Acceptance when the able say nothing.

Related articles

• Minnesota Mom vs School District of Death (lezgetreal.com)
• Minnesota Family Council and NOM Promote Anti-Gay Bullying (lezgetreal.com)
• NCLR Speaks on Video about their Work Against Bullying in Minnesota (lezgetreal.com)

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05/03/2011 – by Cynthia S. Wright

Rick Santorum, yet again exposes himself for the closed minded bigot that he truly is. During an appearance at a Family Leader Conference in Iowa – Santorum weighs in on his thoughts about adoption. Apparently, Santorum believes that only straight, married couples should have the “privilege” to adopt. In his opinion, since LGBT aren’t allowed to have children the “right” way – they aren’t entitled to adopt – so they should leave well enough alone.

To nail home his point further, Santorum discusses a particular incident involving himself and a lesbian, that questioned his beliefs.

A lesbian woman came up to me and said, ‘why are you denying me my right?’ I said, ‘well, because it’s not a right.’ It’s a privilege that society recognizes because society sees intrinsic value to that relationship over any other relationship.

It is amazing how Santorum and his ilk are quick to dismiss the rights of LGBT people that would like to adopt. Is Santorum inferring that if a drug addicted/abusive straight couple wanted to adopt – he would let them have a child over a loving, LGBT couple? It fits his guidelines of having both a male and female parent – so, would he honestly say they would be better for the child? Why do you think a lot of children up in adoption anyway? That’s right, more than likely, they are given away or taken away from straight people. So, how are they better, when they can’t get their act together in the first place – since they are automatically given that “privilege”.

Santorum also neglects to mention that there is really no social science research proof to support his claim – most seem to go off their own intuition and not fact.  The Wonk Room recently published a quote from USC sociologist, Timothy Biblarz where he expresses how Santorum’s thinking lacks credibility.

Significant policy decisions have been swayed by the misconception across party lines that children need both a mother and a father. Yet, there is almost no social science research to support this claim. One problem is that proponents of this view routinely ignore research on same-gender parents. The bottom line is that the science shows that children raised by two same-gender parents do as well on average as children raised by two different-gender parents. This is obviously inconsistent with the widespread claim that children must be raised by a mother and a father to do well.

Next time, Santorum do your research and worry about your own family. A child should be accepted into a healthy, loving home, sexual orientation should have no baring on that at all.

Aoibheann Sweeney, gave birth as her partner helped while on the way to the hospital in New York city. The birth happened last week in Manhattan’s Theater District – does that mean the kid will love the theater?

The Two Mommies

Sweeney’s partner, Inez Murray, was on the phone with 911, but help did not, so the cab driver pulled over and they both coached Sweeney through the delivery process.

“I thought we have no choice here but to tell her to push. She pushed, one big push and his head came out like a cork and his air, whatever happens to your lungs, he gasped and I thought at least he’s breathing – he looked blue and green. I was quite worried, and then one more push and he came out,” World News reported.

The couple’s baby boy was ushered into this world, in sound health surrounded by an onslaught of onlookers that gathered on the NYC streets.  Soon after, both the police and a ambulance showed up, the baby chord was quickly cut and the family was soon on their way to the hospital.

The newborn also received official swag from the NYC police department, once the family made it to the hospital safely.

Related articles

• Moms Deliver Baby in NYC Cab (advocate.com)
• Brooklyn Woman Even Sweeney Gives Birth In Taxi En Route To Hospital (newyork.cbslocal.com)
• Baby boy born in livery cab backseat (nydailynews.com)

There are so many cold hearted people out there who will claim that what they are doing in defending DOMA is protecting marriage. What they are doing is, of course, punishing lesbians and gays for being lesbian or gay.

Here is their story.

Nerina Penzhorn’s upcoming documentary, “Waited For” centers around stories of South African lesbians (the majority of which, happen to be white) that adopt across racial lines by adopting mostly black children.

The documentary is starting to make the festival circuit rounds, staring with Frameline and New Zealand in the June months. Afterward, it will be featured at the Out in Africa Film Festival in South Africa in August.

WAITED FOR preview from Nerina Penzhorn on Vimeo.

Allen West, Congressman from Florida’s district Broward County seems to have lost sight of the meaning of the word Town Hall Meeting, and in doing so may well be complicit in what may have been the unlawful arrest and humiliating treatment of a local mother and radio show host. He is certainly up for a lawsuit as I believe that he may well be responsible for ordering harsh treatment against hecklers (so called) from his security detail.

Allen West ‘s Town Hall meeting was attended by young mother, Nicole Sandler who went along as a constituent, wanting to ask questions of the Congressman. Apparently questions were taken on cards and vetted prior to the meeting The meeting was held at a mega church, in fact outside of the Congressman’s district.

Prior to his appearance the Pastor of the Church introduced Mr. West, who had stood for office on a Republican – Tea Party ticket.

Ms. Sandler, a well known radio show host and often stand in for randy Rhodes, sat near the front of the auditorium.  After West made a comment about Health Care- Ms. Sandler told listeners today, on the Randi Rhodes show,  that she asked a follow up question.  What ensued was so reprehensible that I could barely believe I was listening to a story about a political event in the United States of America.

When attending a Town Hall meeting, there are certain expectations on the part of audience members.  I assume that every constituent of the Congressional representative has an equal right to be at a Town Hall Meeting – regardless of venue.  I further assume that asking a question and even speaking one’s mind is an absolute in terms of the first amendment – especially in the context of Town Hall Meeting.

How does one distinguish a heckler and even if deemed a heckler how should an American  be treated at the behest of one’s congressional representative?   These are questions that came up for me when I heard Ms. Sandler’s story a few moments ago.

While asking the question, the Congressman’s wife, sitting next to Ms. Sandler tried to grab her cell phone /  or other equipment from her.   What makes this a very reliable story is the verification of everything that Ms. Sanders told via her recording of the event both on tape and video.

A private security person came up to Ms. Sanders and pointed her out to a uniformed local police officer. The police officer grabbed hold of Sandler.   Sandler is heard on tape saying I am leaving.  Then, “get your hands off me.” (repeatedly.)

I listened on Randy’s show intently – not imagining that it could get any worse and it did, progressively worse…

She then gets cuffed with hands behind her back.  A later witness who called Randy Rhodes show said she witnessed MS. Sanders being “man handled.”

Sandlerwas shoved into the Police vehicle where she was held for hours.  When Alan West came out, she called out to him and he ignored her and did nothing to stop the arrest.  When asked what she was being arrested for she was told something about a trespass.  Since when did freedom of speech turn into trespass. At what point did the change in status occur.

She then gets taken to the jail to be booked. If I recall there were two separate jails she landed in.  The second one sounded horrific.  This all occurred in the late afternoon. At 2.00 am she was told that she was being released on $25.00.  She called her boyfriend to pick her up who fortunately was able to take care of her daughter while she was incarcerated for what became almost 24 hours.  She was released at noon the next day.

This was after being locked in storage  closet with 2 other inmates, without air where she was forgotten about while the  cell was being cleaned. She spent 3 hours also in a solitary confinement cell after being maced by a police officer, for no viable reason.

It was astounding to note the disgusting treatment at the hands of the Broward County, Florida  Police and jail.

Yet what remains the most disgusting to me is that the Congressman did not have the graciousness to intervene and stop the terrible trauma to Ms. Sandler; if anything he exacerbated it – and was unapologetic and defiant when later he tweeted that all “hecklers will be removed and he will win at all costs…

Allen West for Congress Mailing Address
PO Box 1028
Deerfield Beach, FL 33441
877-906-2010

Boca Raton Office (Main Headquarters)
2108 N. Federal Highway
Boca Raton, FL 33432
877-906-2010

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
Facebook Melanie
twitter @oblogdeeoblogda

Virginia Atty. Gen. Ken Cuccinelli

Sometimes, great legal minds are so focused on one aspect of a law, they fail to see the rest of its implications. That’s what just happened in Virginia.

In Virginia, only married couples – hetero of course – and single men and women regardless of sexual orientation can adopt or foster children. Former Governor Tim Kaine proposed changing the rules to allow same-sex couples to adopt or foster and requiring faith-based adoption services to allow it. The current Republican Governor Bob McDonnell opposed the changes. On Wednesday, the Virginia Board of Social Services voted to reject the changes. Their decision was reinforced by a memo from the state’s Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli II. According to Cuccinelli, the changes would violate Virginia law. Since adoption and fostering are not barred according to sexual orientation or even marital status, one can only assume that the law Cuccinelli thinks would be violated is the one against same-sex marriage.

Other than a slap in the face, though, this ruling does nothing to stop prospective adoptive gay and lesbian parents. Virginia does not have same-sex marriage, so technically, Virginia doesn’t have same-sex couples. The law allows single gays and lesbians to adopt and foster. If there is no such thing in Virginia as a gay couple, then there really is no barrier to adoption or fostering by gays and lesbians. They just have to do it singly, technically. How the family is constructed after that is not governed by the law.

Yes, this ruling imposes a monetary burden on same-sex couples. First, being able to use only one income impacts meeting whatever income requirements the state or agency has for adoption or fostering. Second, the couple will have to come up with the money to have a whole lot of contracts created to protect the rights of the non-adoptive parent. In many ways, it will be no different from the situation faced by a second spouse when the birth parent refuses to surrender parental rights, or even by a first spouse if the child involved was born out-of-wedlock.

We are probably a couple of decades away from the legal system recognizing not just same-sex parenting rights, but the rights of blended families. We need a uniform, streamlined way to deal with the complications of unwed parents, divorced parents, step-parents, surrogacy, artificial insemination and adoption. As long as there are states that think of themselves as a state first and a nation second, we’re stuck with this nonsense. Each state will continue to think of itself as a singular entity and capable of writing laws according to “community standards.”

There really are some issues that cross the straight-LGBT divide and this is one of them. The rights of adopted children to find their birth parents, the rights of parents who have given up their children to find and contact them, the rights of grandparents, the rights of step-parents in the convoluted world of blended families, the rights of non-married parents, these are not just gay issues. We no long are born and die within a five mile radius. We are a very mobile society in which people cross state lines all the time. These are universal issues that are a consequence of our modern society.

Those three words “our modern society” are at the hub of these issues. Conservatives, and especially the religious right, believe in a myth of a perfect little Christian nation where only straights lived, no one earned their living in prostitution, no one ever beat or killed their spouse or children, everyone was white, bluebirds sang in the trees and the skies were not cloudy all day. There is this really stupid e-mail that has been circulating for a few years. It’s main message is about taxes, but it alleges that we were a perfect nation and women stayed home and raised their children just 100 or 60 years ago, depending on the version. When my aunt sent it to me, I reminded her that 70 years ago, my father’s single mother was scrubbing toilets in the same Empire State Building where she had worked thirty years later because she too was a single mother. Duh.

We can’t go back to that perfect world because it never existed. The longer we treat family law according to that myth, the longer we hurt our children. We all agree that children need stable, loving homes. The only way that is going to happen is for us to put the needs of those children above the prejudices of the religious fanatics and above the interests of adults.

On the other hand, LGBT rights should not be granted at the cost of the rights of others. Again, this is one of those cases. Any church that believes that homosexuality is a sin should not be forced to place children in same-sex families, any more than it should be forced to perform same-sex marriages. It is a violations of the religious rights of those churches. Sorry, but no one can truly be free if their freedom is bought at the price of another’s oppression. If the LGBT community ever gets its act together and starts arguing for its rights on the grounds that this is a secular nation and anti-gay laws are back-door establishment of a state religion, then it must be willing to let churches exercise their right to freedom of worship, and that includes just backing away and letting them live in their perfect myths. We can legislate against violence, harassment and discrimination within the secular world, but we should not even try to legislate tolerance, anymore than they should try to legislate intolerance. The best we should be doing is trying to legislate a separation of the secular rights of citizens from the religious rights of other citizens.

On any given issue, one will find literally dozens of advocacy groups. There is no strength in being divided. There is only strength in unity. Those advocating for LGBT parental rights would benefit from working with those who are advocating for single-parent adoption, ease of establishing legal rights for un-married parents, fairness in child support, a whole raft of issues. There is more to be gained from working together to solve the myriad problems of children in a “non-traditional” situation than from narrowing the focus to just gay adoption and gay marriage.

Related articles

• Homophobic Attorney General Derails LGBT Adoption Rights In Virginia (lezgetreal.com)
• Cuccinelli: Va. Should Reject Antibias Policy (advocate.com)
• Virginia Social Services Panel Votes 7-2 to Reject Changes That Would Allow Adoptions by Gay Couples (towleroad.com)
• NOM Goes Ballistic Over Virginia’s New Foster Care And Adoption Regulations (lezgetreal.com)
• State Board of Social Services Fails to Serve the Best Interests of Virginia’s Children (hrcbackstory.org)
• Va. Official Opposes Antibias Rule (advocate.com)

Biology and sexual orientation is the subject of research into the role of biology in the development of human sexual orientation. No simple, single cause for sexual orientation has been conclusively demonstrated, but research suggests that it is by a combination of genetic, hormonal, and environmental influences,^[1] with biological factors involving a complex interplay of genetic factors and the early uterine environment.^[2] Biological factors which may be related to the development of a heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual or asexual orientation include genes, prenatal hormones, and brain structure.

Twin studies Per Bible – Wiki – Version

A number of twin studies have attempted to isolate biological factors in sexual orientation. As Bearman and Bruckner (2002)^[3] describe it, early studies concentrated on small, select samples, which showed very high genetic influences; however, they were also criticized for non-representative selection of their subjects.^[4] Later studies, performed on increasingly representative samples, showed much lesser concordance among monozygotic (MZ, colloquially “identical”) twins, although still significantly larger than among dizygotic (DZ) twins.

For example, a recent meta-study by Hershberger (2001)^[5] compares the results of eight different twin studies: among those, all but two showed MZ twins having much higher concordance of sexual orientation than DZ twins, suggesting a non-negligible genetic component. Two additional examples: Bailey and Pillard (1991) in a study of gay twins found that 52% of monozygotic (MZ) brothers and 22% of the dizygotic (DZ) twins were concordant for homosexuality.^[6] Also, Bailey, Dunne and Martin (2000) used the Australian twin registry to obtain a sample of 4,901 twins.^[7] Self reported zygosity, sexual attraction, fantasy and behaviours were assessed by questionnaire and zygosity was serologically checked when in doubt. MZ twin concordance for homosexuality was found to be 30%.

A recent study of all adult twins in Sweden (more than 7,600 twins)^[8] found that same-sex behavior was explained by both heritable factors and individual-specific environmental sources (such as prenatal environment, experience with illness and trauma, as well as peer groups, and sexual experiences), while influences of shared-environment variables such as familial environment and societal attitudes had a weaker, but significant effect. Women showed a statistically non-significant trend to weaker influence of hereditary effects, while men showed no effect of shared environmental effects. The use of all adult twins in Sweden was designed to address the criticism of volunteer studies, in which a potential bias towards participation by gay twin may influence the results (see below).

Overall, the environment shared by twins (including familial and societal attitudes) explained 0–17% of the choice of sexual partner, genetic factors 18–39% and the unique environment 61–66%. The individual’s unique environment includes, for example, circumstances during pregnancy and childbirth, physical and psychological trauma (e.g., accidents, violence, and disease), peer groups, and sexual experiences. [...] In men, genetic effects explained .34–.39 of the variance, the shared environment .00, and the individual-specific environment .61–.66 of the variance. Corresponding estimates among women were .18–.19 for genetic factors, .16–.17 for shared environmental, and .64–.66 for unique environmental factors.

Thank you think Progress for putting this together. How does excluding Gays help protect marriage? Watch Maggie Gallagher incur the wrath of Congressman Jerold Nadler. Watch Rep. Conyers. Watch the Republicans and their anti-gay hate and ignorance!  Do you think the President’s actions on Defense of Marriage Act are appropriate?

Okay its hard to watch – for me it is – because I want to jump into that screen and grab those idiots by their respective collars and shake some reality into them.  Come and have dinner with me and my children Maggie and then tell me I am not good enough to share your my civil right – just because of your RELIGIOUS beliefs?   It is sickening that the America of Toady would even give this pure hate fear and ignorance its draconian drum roll!

An Aside – Maggie is not wearing her wedding band.

We asked her why not and you can see her answer on our post at…….. http://lezgetreal.com/2011/04/national-organiztion-for-marriage-nom-is-maggie-gallagher-divorced/ where Maggie herself showed up to comment!

VIDEO CREDIT to “Think Progress”

“Rabbi Gershon Steinberg-Caudill In response to gay bashing incident -” In my youth it was White gangs attacking Blacks. The Civil Rights issues change but the ignorance just seems to continue on. I think it would help if the preachers would just teach LOVE and stop with the homosexual bashing. God DOES NOT hate gays. THERE IS NOTHING AGAINST HOMOSEXUALS IN THE HEBREW BIBLE!”

Melanie says: “Maggie your religion is your religion – but you are using it to preach hate  – cause and effect-  of your beliefs being slammed at our nation – and I believe you did use the words “I believe”  -  That gay kid who got beat up yesterday, my friend who has to exile the USA to be with her wiife, and the mother of the child who committed suicide last month do not give a rats piece of turd about your beliefs.  We are on Earth! Come down to Earth! The shaming of LGBT people and inciting of hate all in the name of your beliefs are counter productive to a free and democratic society where church and state have no relationship other than to co-exist in harmony. You Maggie Gallagher are in flagrant breach of that harmony.  Now lay off my life and beliefs and I will get out out of your face.

Or have the courage to debate me……I challenge Maggie to a debate on SWIRL RADIO!  She responded to me via e-mail and now I have challenged her via email too…..

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
Facebook Melanie
twitter @oblogdeeoblogda

Melanie Nathan – April 14-2011

Congressional advocates for LGBT immigration reform launched a ridiculous strategy on Thursday with the reintroduction of the Uniting American Families Act. The only sensible piece of the strategy being  the release of a letter from 48 House members urging the Obama administration in part to suspend deportations faced by married gay spouses.  This launch however is little different to the past 16 years of fighting for Reform in the arena of green cards for same sex couples.

The Thursday letter from Rep. Zoe Lofgren of California and Democratic colleagues called on Atty. Gen. Eric Holder and Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano to mitigate the discrimination faced by binational married couples following the administration’s February announcement that it considers the Defense of Marriage Act to be unconstitutional. The 1996 law bars married gay couples from the citizen sponsorship rights afforded heterosexual married couples.

The release of the letter was timed with the reintroduction of UAFA, which would help keep most binational couples together by making family-based immigration inclusive of same-sex partners of U.S. citizens and permanent residents. The reintroduction of the UAFA makes no sense to me and is a derivative of the Immigration Equality lobby and quest for survival of the organization.

Two reasons:
1. They already had UAFA caste for success back in 2009 – with a record number of co-sponsors and a majority on both houses with President Obama at the helm. What happened – they tied UAFA to the quest for comprehensive immigration reform (CIR)- spent our  donor money on schmoozing immigration  Latina groups and landed us in the lame duck session in a rah rah for the DREAM ACT – pursuant to their newfound aliances which served to exclude UAFA from its only possible chance of succeeding as a stand alone Bill;

2. Now the climate is different – while DADT has passed and DOMA is up for repeal – why are we wasting time with UAFA- when in fact DOMA will accomplish much more.  We do not need UAFA if DOMA is repealed. Additionally UAFA is not in good shape. Now that marriage is available to same-sex couples in some states, UAFA must change its language from the OLD version – to make way for a more definitive contractual nexus between the parties, otherwise Senator Feinstein will NOT sign on to it.  I have explained this concept in numerous articles.

That said instead of pursuing UAFA – all that energy by Immigration Equality and other organizations should rather be put into special interim Visas for Binational couples – Sunset Visas, similar to the R1 Visa Program and Fiance Visas worded differently to use terms like contractual nexus instead of marriage.

I have no doubt unfortunately – that all the gay.in organizations are going to do follow the Pied Piper  again and assume that the immigratin equality lobby knows what they are doing. It is up to binational couples to YELL reintroduction of UAFA is not good enough, hopeless and a waste of time.

VIA THe Advocate:- ” Lofgren, ranking member of the House Subcommittee on Immigration Policy and Enforcement, called on the Department of Justice and DHS to suspend deportation proceedings and a put a temporary hold on green card adjudications for gay married couples pending either legal resolution or legislative repeal of DOMA.

“Taking these steps would not flout or disrespect existing law, as it would not provide permanent immigration relief to married couples of the same sex, currently prohibited by Section 3 of DOMA,” Lofgren wrote. “Rather, it would prevent the potentially irreparable harm that would be caused by application of a law that is currently under review by the courts and the U.S. Congress.

“As the country grapples with the question of whether DOMA is constitutional and should be the law of the land,” Lofgren continued, “we ask that you take steps to temporarily preserve the status quo and protect American citizens and their spouses from avoidable harm.”

Lofgren’s letter follows a similar one sent to Holder and Napolitano last week by 12 senators, including John Kerry of Massachusetts and Kirsten Gillibrand of New York, urging relief for such couples.

But thus far the administration appears unwilling to do so. Asked whether DHS has responded to the senators’ letter, DHS spokesman Adam Fetcher told The Advocate in a statement, “The administration will respond to the members of Congress directly. Pursuant to the Attorney General’s guidance, the Defense of Marriage Act remains in effect and the Executive Branch, including DHS, will continue to enforce it unless and until Congress repeals it or there a final judicial determination that it is unconstitutional.”

TIME for some real leadership on the part of LGBT organizations and advocates.

NOTE MY POSITION: I support Comprehensive Immigration Reform.  I Support the repeal of DOMA. I applaud the reintroduction of ENDA today.  I m angry at the wool over the eyes introduction of UAFA. I want a special VISA NOW for couples in same-sex marriages/ civil Unions/ and fiances.

This administration ought to be ashamed of not having supported and effected this RIGHT before the Republicans took over the House! Advocates in the LGBT organizations – please wake up and change the strategy NOW!

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
Facebook Melanie
twitter @oblogdeeoblogda

Washington D.C. – LGBT Advocates Protest National Insurance Conference,Targeti ng American National Property and Casualty (ANPAC) for Discriminatory Practices ; GetEQUAL Protests Injustices on Behalf of Lesbian Couple Denied Claim After Hate Crime Arson Fire.

Today, GetEQUAL — the national direct action and organizing group known for using nonviolent civil disobedience to drive lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) equality forward  — has called for a protest of the Independent Insurance Agents & Brokers of America (IIABA) conference taking place in Washington, DC, on Thursday April 14. The National IIABA Conference — one of the largest insurance gatherings of the year — will be keynoted by current Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH).

The group is targeting the conference to put pressure on the discriminatory practices of one of the conference’s member companies, American National Property and Casualty (ANPAC).  After more than seven months, ANPAC — a company based in Springfield, Missouri — still refuses to pay out the homeowner’s policy of a lesbian couple whose house was destroyed in a hate-fueled, arson fire over Labor Day weekend last year.

What:
Protest of Insurance Agents and Brokers of America (IIABA) National Insurance Conference, targeting American National Property and Casualty (ANPAC) for their discriminatory practices against the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community
Who:
GetEQUAL, a national LGBT direct action and civil rights organization
Why:
Protest Injustices Against Lesbian Couple Laura and Carol Ann Stutte
When:
Thursday April 14, 7:00-8:00am, Grand Washington Hyatt (1000 H Street NW)

GetEQUAL is calling for this protest to pressure insurance giant American National Property and Casualty (ANPAC) after the insurance conglomerate refused to pay out a policy on a lesbian couple whose Tennessee home is located outside of Knoxville, TN. GetEQUAL began working with the Stuttes, whose home was burned to the ground and whose garage was spray-painted with the word “QUEERS,” shortly after the incident. Returning from an anniversary celebration weekend over seven months ago to find ashes of their former life, they have been fighting with their insurance company, American National Property and Casualty, simply to honor their homeowner’s policy and allow their family to move forward.

After the fire, the couple filed a claim with their insurance company — American National Property and Casualty (ANPAC), a subsidiary of the giant insurance firm American National Insurance Company, based in Galveston, Texas. To date, the company continues to make the couple’s life a living nightmare — refusing to pay their claim, insisting that they continue to pay on their policy, refusing to pay the couple’s living expenses as detailed in a policy rider, and continually insisting that their paperwork has been lost and must be sent in again and again.

“The lengths that this couple has gone to simply to ask ANPAC to honor their fully-paid insurance policy are horrifying,” said Heather Cronk, managing director of GetEQUAL. “No insurance company should treat people the way the Stuttes have been treated, and we’re asking ANPAC’s peers and colleagues to dissociate themselves from such a soul-less and discriminatory company.”

The couple, with the help of GetEQUAL, has been pressuring the company privately and publicly to honor their policy, while the local community has chipped in to help the couple make ends meet and to provide a new insulin pump for their diabetic daughter. They have created an online petition asking the insurance company to pay the claim, which has garnered close to 50,000 signatures from across the country. (The petition can be found at http://bit.ly/f8POvz.)

READ MORE ON LEZGETREAL

GetEQUAL is a national, direct action lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization. Emphasizing direct action and people power, the mission of GetEQUAL is to empower the LGBT community and its allies to take action to demand full legal and social equality, and to hold accountable those who stand in the way. For more information on GetEQUAL, please visit: http://www.getequal.org. You can follow GetEQUAL on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/getequal, on Facebook athttp://www.facebook.com/GetEQUAL, or on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/getequal.

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
Facebook Melanie
twitter @oblogdeeoblogda

Ken Hutcherson, a Pastor of Antioch Bible Church has come out in defense of the Defense of Marriage Act. Hutcherson, a senior pastor of his congregation is urging followers (and Youtube viewers) to sign a petition to keep the marriage law in place. Despite the Obama Administration recent ruling that DOMA is itself unconstitutional doesn’t dissuade Hutcherson being that he believes that striking down DOMA will “redefine marriage as we know it.” He, of course, uses the usual fear mongering tactics that are accustomed to the religious right to strike fear by attempting to get his poorly worded opinion across.

Image via Wikipedia

With the marriage in the United States being as shaky as it’s been in recent years as America blazes the trail for divorce before any other nation in the world. It would be nice if that fact happened to get fixed, even though recent statistics have shown a slight decline in divorce; overall America is still in the red when it comes to anything involving marital stability. In a 2010 Time article, Penn State sociologist Paul Amota while conducting research about divorce statistics, stated that even with the [divorce] decline that half-of-all-marriages will still end badly and being that the majority of marriages performed are for straight couples –what is that telling you?

How about adultery? Not only is it a biblical offense (that a few key players in the Bible partook in) but it is also listed in The Ten Commandments, which are believed to be moral imperatives that were handed down by God. So biblically, adultery is a serious offense, one that is duly noted. A study in the Journal of Research in Personality discussed how susceptible spouses are to cheating during their first year of marriage, it explained that roughly “30 – 60% of all married individuals in the United States will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage.”

Let’s also mention that the three main politicians that helped bring DOMA to pass also have quite a checkered marital past. There is Newt Gingrich, who seems to always have been a serial adulterer. Followed by Representative Bob Barr, who actually manipulated the law enough to get out of admitting an affair under oath – such patriotism. Lest, we not forget ex-President Bill Clinton that at the time of DOMA passing had been known to smoke a cigar or two and then put them in the most “interesting” places. Yet, these are the ones that helped sign the DOMA law into affect, allowing them to comment on marriage when it’s obvious they were incapable (at one point in time) of keeping their own together.

Not to even mention that when it comes to adultery and how it affects families, 2 to 3% of children are the product of an affair (looking at you, John Edwards). How many LGBT married couples do you read about are dealing with that issue?

Maybe a redefinition of marriage might help better things because if left up to the will of the heterosexual community, we might as will start conducting quickie divorces similar to how Vegas does marriages. Marriage as a sacred to the religious right is hypocritical because time and time again its sanctity is violated by those that are quick to judge a loving, stable relationship between same-sex couples; simply because it doesn’t fit into their Christian ideal.

Repealing DOMA will have nothing to do with the overall goals of churches. The bigotry and hypocrisy that runs rampant through the churches teachings of “love and acceptance” will still remain in place because churches are still allowed to marry the couples that fit their criteria. DOMA limits the power of the states to decide who marry – the church doesn’t play as big of role in all of this even though they like to think so.  Pastors won’t be jailed, there is such a thing as Free Speech and even though, the speech may be shrouded in bigotry – it is not something that you can be jailed for. Nice work trying to make yourself a martyr for a cause that you are intentionally fabricating!

Another thing, the Bible also isn’t too keen on bodily adornment either being that Christians should be more concerned with beautifying their inward self than beautifying the outside. At the same time, you are threatened by the repealing of DOMA but gladly turn away when it comes to a shoddy, heterosexual marital system, ornamental jewelry (because truthfully, how are earrings on a man functional), adultery, and lying – because preaching untruths used to intentionally scare people is a lie no matter how you rationalize it.

Related articles

• Watch: Pastor Ken Hutcherson’s Reptilian DOMA Warning (towleroad.com)
• Pastor Ken Hutcherson Is Going To Prison If DOMA Is Repealed (queerty.com)

A Sabbath evening with South African friends is filled with tradition, prayer, song and good food. The Jewish people in this part of the diaspora take great pride in their observance of the Sabbath and Kashrut laws.  They walk in large family groups to Shul and return hastily on foot, rain or thunder, to the dinner tables of Rabbis and friends.

This last Shabbat, we braved the odd dash of lightening and did the walk; Dad navigating potholes, ditches and large puddles of water, stick firmly in hand. No bone cancer would stop him from walking as long as he is able, and despite exhaustion.

We did the rituals and said the blessings, where-after we were fortunate to sit down to a scrumptious kosher meal, with families chitter chattering and talking about the usual mundane things in life.

A few at the table had young sons studying at the Yeshivas in Israel; and one parent relayed the story of her twenty year old who remained asleep in bed,  and failed to hear the rocket attack warning in Ashdod. He did awake but with little time to make the estimated 40 seconds from alarm time to bomb shelter destination.    But he stormed out of the room, leaving his shoes behind, yet grabbing a shirt to place on his head instead of his Kipah (yamulkah / Scull cap)  which could not be reached in time.

The young man ran for his life, all the while shredding his feet and other parts of his body as he fell amongst debris and glass on his path to the shelter. Indeed it has been reported that a rocket landed close by. Fortunately he made it.   This terrifying experience was only one such – imagine how many more.

So I ask – when you all sit around your tables, regardless of what side you support; imagine the bombing and disregard for fragility of life, as are the weapon of Hamas terrorists… delivered from the neighboring suburb to yours – a rocket off at any moment at anytime and how that would feel as you run to the shelters with 40 seconds warning – hoping your child would not be the one hit.

I truly believe that if Hamas, a known terrorist group would lay down their rockets and mortars and whatever and fade into the distance of sedation and goodwill, negotiations without

the mantra “we want the Jews off the face of the earth – there should be no Israel at all -”  then perhaps some headway could be made in the movement of settlers – and even if not – there could and should be peace.

Like the Israelis say “Peace in the Middle East is like F**king for Virginity” -

Hamas must go!! What came first the cart or the horse – who cares – just stop in the name of Life….

Headlines:

“Despite Israel‘s intense five-day bombing campaign of Gaza, Palestinian militants have begun using longer-range rockets that now reach up to 25 miles inside Israel, hitting cities such as Ashdod and Be’er Sheva for the first time.

Israeli military officials say the rockets are 122mm Grads, which they believe have been smuggled into Gaza through tunnels under the Egyptian border in recent months. The rockets, which are up to three metres in length, can be disassembled and were almost certainly brought through the tunnels in parts, under the border town of Rafah.

Jonathan Fighel, a retired Israeli army colonel and a senior researcher at the Institute for Counter Terrorism in Herzliya, said he believed the bombing had damaged Hamas’s ability to govern in Gaza but had yet to seriously upset its armed wing, the Izzedine al-Qassam Brigades.”

He said “Israel’s goal in continuing its campaign now was to win the most favorable political solution. “The question is now how do you manage to leverage the military campaign into political gain?” He said Israel would look for a ceasefire but under its preferred conditions, which would include a halt to smuggling tunnels and the ability for Israel to continue to attack militants in the occupied West Bank without reprisals from Gaza.”

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
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In a recent episode of “No More Down Low” TV, the show focused on homophobia and how it impacts not just the US but also the world. During an interview at the Pan-African Film Festival in Los Angeles, Mark Noble spoke to Phylicia Rashad on what she feels is the best way to end homophobia. Rashad, best known for her role as

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Clair Huxtable on the Cosby show, eloquently stated,

“Mothers need to advocate for the rights of gay babies. Mothers need to advocate for the rights of gay babies.  Isn’t that something?”

A statement so simple, yet so profound perhaps due to its simplicity. Experts have often stated that, besides the umbilical cord, the most profound attachment between a mother and their child occurs once that baby is in the world. Many psychologists believe that the bond between mother and child provides the psychological building blocks or foundations needed for children to thrive and become fully functional, secure individuals in society.

Megan Gunnar, a professor working with the Institute of Child Development at the University of Minnesota stated that, “…[support] may provide children with a crucial tool for dealing with stress by buffering their physiological reaction to novel or unexpected events.” In order to see themselves as secure, children need to feel valued at every stage of their lives. Growing up, most children fear rejection (by their peers, school, and society), being gay tends to amplify those feelings more because of how homosexuality is treated. Children aren’t born with the innate ability to combat such discrimination.

Having the outside world attempt to rip you apart for something that you can’t change can be disheartening and in order to combat that, children need know that they are accepted and loved because of who they are and that their sexual preference won’t cause that to change.

For example, there is a blogger named Nerdy Apple Bottom. She is a self-professed cop’s wife that lives in the Bible belt – so one could assume she is fairly conservative. She also has a 5-year-old son that wanted to dress up as Daphne for Halloween. Instead of doing what most would find typical, banishing her child or making him feel guilty – she did the opposite – she supported his creativity. In one of the later posts, she expanded on her thoughts about the situation, “My son is gay. Or he’s not. I don’t care. He is still my son. And he is 5. And I am his mother. And if you have problem with anything mentioned above, I don’t want to know you. …[My] goal is not to dictate what is ‘normal’ and what is not, but to help him become a good person.”

That statement, like Rashad’s, clued in to what is so beneficial about mother’s advocating for their children – that it isn’t about molding a child into what you (or society) want them to be but supporting them for who they are. After all, the world can be a harsh place; gay bashings and LGBT suicides are still prevalent in societies around the world. Instead of adding to the destruction, show the world that being gay is not the problem but that intolerance is.

Rashad and Ms. Bottom are onto something here, lets hope that it continues heading in the right direction.

Lower Houghton Suburb

Khyletsha Township

“WE Are Anonymous – says ‘Anonymous ‘- Zuma tells the World you are a rainbow democracy!  While that is not true”  But is it THE “Anonymous,” the shadowy online ‘hacktivist’ group that is rapidly gaining worldwide fame  in this Video on YouTube   entitled “Message from Anonymous: To the South African people”, calling on the people to rise up and take back their country from corrupt and inept rulers.

I am currently visiting South Africa and have been writing mostly on LGBTI issues – let me say one thing. Anonymous you are right.  But the people here are living in the shadow of pretense.

The common denominator for every cause I have had brief insight into in SA, since my arrival some weeks ago is the fact that services are NOT being delivered:

1. Cape Town: I participated in a meeting with the Ministry of Justice and Constitutional Development. Luleki Sizwe’s representative Ndumie Funda spoke to many urgent needs for victims of rape – the National Prosecuting Authority, notwithstanding their full cooperation in the meeting, pointed out that there were certain such services in place.   My question is – how come the “victims” do not know about.  If I may be so bold as to apply a simple  mathematical metaphor  -  the answer would be equally simple -

AS follows:-

VICTIM NEEDS SERVICES +SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE – VICTIMS DONT KNOW WHERE TO FIND SERVICES = NO SERVICES

and

TOP AUTHORITIES STILL ASSERT AVAILABILITY – LOCAL AUTHORITIES ASSERT NOT THERE = CORRUPTION!

2.  Johannesburg:- I was filming with Carte Blanche outside the SA Constitutional Court , in Johannesburg, yesterday,  when a man and a woman greeted me – somehow we got chatting. Well if you know me it was not somehow. Anyway I asked what they were doing and the Constitutional Court. They had come there to pick up booklets for seniors in Soweto. The booklets contained the South African Constitution and how to protect one’s rights – the seniors are receiving too low of a pension to cover the costs of the shelters which they need.  There were only two booklets available.

I asked questions about the services for seniors in the Townships. They told me they had been told such were available, yet undeliverable….  I asked why …. they responded corruption.  I believe my above Mathematical conclusion applies.

3.  I was sitting at my Dad’s Rabbis Shabbat table on Friday night – an orthodox religious family. I asked one of the young sons – what would you dream about changing most in SA if you could – he answered corruption.

4. AND as for Statistics – of the very many one example – since 1994 the amount of child birth deaths has risen to 635 out of every 100,000 from the prior stat of 156 out of every 100,000.

Those are but a few examples…….

SA Actvists outside Parliament

If one were to read my past few posts and the mockery made of the National Day of Human Rights, the unconstitutional behavior of Jacob Zuma, et al;  the Department of Justice that is complicit in the continued victimization of  victims of brutal corrective rape, and other crimes…  the disparity in poverty vs. ultra wealthy.  I did a photo series of all the magnificent gates protecting houses of the wealthy in Johannesburg.  One security  gate costs R500,000 (which here has the feel of $250,000 – I would say)    Imagine one such gate could purchase 8 decent homes in a Township. That excludes the humongous wall and electric fences attached to the gates.

SO back to Anonymous:- An Article by Jeremy Daniel: Memeburn  describes the VIDEO by Anonymous as follows

“The message, which had been viewed 800 times at the time of writing, begins with some grainy footage of wind sweeping over Table Mountain, evoking the famous Winds of Change speech by Harold Macmillan which foreshadowed the end of the colonial era. The video then cuts to a head shot of a smiling mask and a female computerized voice begins with the words “to the people of South Africa, Anonymous would like to address you on the state of your society”.

The message goes on to detail how the people have been robbed of the wealth of the country, and how companies like Anglo American and the Oppenheimer family have gotten rich at the expense of the masses. This is followed by a list of South Africa’s social problems, from drugs and murder to domestic violence and organized gangs “while the police are rendered impotent by the very laws that govern South Africa”.      And then Jeremy Daniel: Memeburn   goes on to  question whether or not the video was in fact the work of “Anonymous” or if it is the work of a SOUTH AFRICAN activists.

Personally I do not care who it is by – although I like the attention it will draw….. to a very badly led country that has so much potential.

RICH GATE

At this time I do not believe South Africa will rise against this Government- notwithstanding this corruption. Maybe ten years  from now depending on the status quo.  South Africa is a different climate from the rest of Africa, by virtue of its history and the victory by the current administration over  an oppressive minority apartheid regime.  The South Africans are feeling the corruption – but they are not feeling the dictatorship. They are feeling the poverty and the crime, but they have yet to feel their rights!

That said not sure if the right people will ever see this Video – the people in the Townships remain empowered because they have limited access to the internet – which is beyond expensive for an average township home – and not to mention the fact that there is NO affordable way to own a computer.

POOR GATE

If the Video is by Anonymous – I believe that it would be threatening its own usual  method of attention which is to shut down websites and the like.  Maybe Anonymous should find a way via satellite to immobilize the 8 luxurious vehicles of the 8 wives of Jacob Zuma – that may be a revolution in itself!

See Video Below….

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NOTE; 3/22/2011  – Copyright Article and Pictures MELANIE NATHAN©
Permission for use Please contact nathan@privatecourts.com.

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
Facebook Melanie
twitter @oblogdeeoblogda

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Posted by Melanie Nathan- Feb 26-2011-

Returning from Nashville where Carol Ann and Laura celebrated their anniversary, they found a pile of rubble where their dream home once stood. Despite numerous police reports documenting a neighbor that had threatened to burn down their home and who repeatedly told them the “…only thing better than one dead queer was two dead queers…” no arrests have been made. The Stutte home had no gas service and was all electric.

Nearly six months have gone by, and no one has been arrested for the crime. Moreover, the FBI won’t confirm or deny whether they’re investigating the incident as a hate crime. And to top it all off, the Stutte’s insurance company, American National Property and Casualty (ANPC), has not processed the couple’s claim on their house, despite the fact that the Stutte’s ANPC policy guarantees coverage of living expenses for up to 24 months after a disaster like having your house burned to the ground by an arsonist.

Even with witness reports of two explosions and a fireball that could be seen above the treeline, that all waterhoses on the property had been cut and that “QUEER” had been painted on their garage the Monroe County Sheriff’s Department, Tennesse Bureau of Investigation and FBI have yet to rule the fire as an arson. What is even more disturbing is that the Stutte’s insurance company, American National Property and Casualty has yet to pay on the claim.

Like many homeowners, Carol Ann and Laura had opted for additional coverage in case of total loss. This additional coverage would provide for housing as well as living expenses until the claim was settled. Five months later and not a single penny has been disbursed. Imagine, if you will, how hard it is for some to pay their mortgage from month to month. Now imagine, that not only do you have to pay a mortgage and insurance on a home that no longer exists, but you have to pay for an additional place to live. Why? If they default on their mortgage, their insurance coverage could be canceled.

The the insurance company would be off the hook. Demand that Demand American National Property and Casualty honor their policy with this family. Call them, fax them, or email them. Public pressure will force them to act. The fax link below will allow you to send an online fax using a free fax service. Please, tie up their phone lines, their fax lines. Add your name to this petition and show your support for the Stutte family and your outrage at American National Propery and Casualty (ANPAC). American National Property and Casualty 1949 E Sunshine St # 3-103 Springfield, MO 65899-0002 Phone: (417) 887-0220 Fax: (417) 887-1801 Email: (email form)

An updated petition shows that they were offered $610.00 by the insurance company – yes you read right!!!

This is the Petition that is being campaigned on change.org.  See if you can add to the already 1500 signatures…. Remember these campaigns go a long way to wake people up- especially those who believe discrimination and hate will disappear with silence and subterfuge… Believe that everyone’s fight is that of your own…

http://www.change.org/petitions/demand-american-national-property-and-casualty-pay-lesbian-arson-victims

Related articles

• Same-Sex Couple Sues Neighbor For Alleged Hate-Crime [Law And Order] (jezebel.com)
• North Carolina: Harrased for a Year, Gay Couple Loses Home in Arson Fire (lezgetreal.com)
• Tennessee Lesbians Sue Over Alleged Arson (lezgetreal.com)
• Gay Couple’s Home Destroyed in Arson (advocate.com)

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
Facebook Melanie
twitter @oblogdeeoblogda

Judge Dori Spivak

Attorney Dori Spivak was appointed on Friday as a judge to the Tel Aviv Labor Court. He is the first openly gay judge appointed in Israel.  Spivak, the deputy director of the Tel Aviv University’s law clinics, is a veteran activist for gay rights. He is also the former chairman of the Association for Civil Rights Israel (ACRI) and legal adviser to the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) community.

Spivak  worked in the civil rights and  is an expert on equality in the workplace and health rights.

Many other gay activists and academics lauded Spivak’s nomination  They expressed their hope that this appointment will be a sign of social change, particularly within the justice system.

Spivak’s partner Dr. Yishai Blank expressed  “I don’t think sexual preferences had anything to do with this appointment. It’s a happy occasion for us personally and also for the State. I’m not objective, of course, but I believe he is deserving in light of his skills, capabilities and his commitment to justice and the law.”

Source By Aviad Glickman of  Ynetnews.com

Related articles

• Israel Set To Expell Gay Partner of Slain Israeli (lezgetreal.com)
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By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
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twitter @oblogdeeoblogda

Posted by Melanie Nathan – Feb 13-2011

Zach Wahls a 19-year-old University of Iowa engineering student defended gay marriage in a rousing testimony in front of the Iowa House of Representatives this month. Zack Wahls spoke out against a resolution which would end civil unions in Iowa by describing his own experience as the son of two lesbian partners.

“Our family really isn’t so different from any other Iowa family,” said Wahls. “When I am home, we go to church together, we eat dinner, we go on vacations.”

Wahls emphasized the typical nature of his upbringing, as well as his own success. He is an Eagle Scout and a small business owner. He also scored in the 99th percentile on the ACT. “If I was your son, Mr. Chairman, I believe I would make you very proud,” he said.

A sixth-generation Iowan, Wahls finished his testimony on an impassioned note. “In my 19 years not once have I ever been confronted by an individual who realized independently that I was raised by a gay couple,” he said. “And you know why? Because the sexual orientation of my parents has had zero effect on the content of my character.”

“Last fall, I had the opportunity, courtesy of Iowa Public Radio’s “The Exchange,” to talk with a Tea Partier about this very topic. When I mentioned that two lesbian women raised me, her face turned to shock and then concern. She asked if I ever had yearning to meet my father — an anonymous sperm donor, ” said Wahls in an issue in the University of Iowa’s student newspaper.

Watch Zach Wahls’s inspirational speach on youtube -

Source : 11th February 2011 huffingtonpost.com

Credit: Jerusalem Post - Nir Katz

Melanie Nathan- February 09, 2011-

Thomas Schmidt, 27, a German national was in the process of registering as the life partner of Israeli citizen, Nir Katz, in Tel Aviv; but was unable to because Nir was  murdered in the devastating attack on the Tel Aviv LGBT Center, back in 2009. Now Mr. Schmidt will be expelled from Israel as there is no longer a basis for his immigration.

Nir Katz, and one other person, were killed in the 2009 attack by a masked gunman, who opened fire at a meeting of gay and lesbian youth.   The perpetrator has yet to be caught.

A spokeswoman for Israel’s Interior Ministry said Wednesday a special humanitarian committee decided last year to allow Schmidt to extend his stay in Israel because of the unique circumstances, but that he would have to leave this month. The Gay community leaders and an Israeli lawmaker are calling on the interior minister to allow Schmidt to stay in the country.

Please write to Minister Eli Yishai  to prevent the expulsion of Thomas Schmidt, whose partner was murdered Nir Katz Abbernoaar shooting attack in Tel Aviv.

“Schmidt has lived in Israel for over 6 years, the center of life here, and he ought to have a right to be in he vicinity of his beloved’s family, the  Katz family. Had it not been for this despicable murder, Nir and Thomas would have been able to complete the proceedings and to regulate the status of Thomas in Israel.” According to Nitzan Horowitz.

“Therefore, the Interior Ministry’s decision to expel the Thomas, is another blow to this man who lost his partner,  and the Katz family who lost a son, and the gay community and society Israel as a whole. There would be no harm caused  to Israel if Thomas Schmidt were allowed to remain.   if the Minister accepts this request – it would demonstrate openness and understanding. “  Said Horowitz.

While immigration laws of all Countries ought to be respected Countries must remain open to special circumstances – and Israel is no different.  Clearly this young man had  established his life around living in Israel and moving back to Germany was not part of his plan, and would be onerous.  Given the nature of the tragedy, Israel should indeed honor the memory of the fallen Katz, by allowing his partner to remain in the Country.

Israel is a Country that endorses LGBT rights through the progressive laws of the Israeli Kneset

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By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
Facebook Melanie
twitter @oblogdeeoblogda

Related articles

• Partner of slain Israeli ordered to leave (jta.org)
• Israel: German partner of victim slain at gay community center must leave this month (miamiherald.typepad.com)

Melanie Nathan – Jan 13, 2011- San Francisco

Note: The Film can be viewed on the site.

The Production website notes: “Lead With Love – Watch the Film If you are a parent of a lesbian, gay, or bisexual child, we applaud your courage in looking for resources to help support your family. This film was made for you. If you are someone else who cares about these issues, we hope that you will enjoy this entertaining and informational film, and share it with others. Thank you for your interest.”

Jenny Mackenzie, PhD, Director

Dr. Mackenzie is an award winning documentary filmmaker whose mission is to produce films that create and promote social change. Her most recent film, KICK LIKE A GIRL, aired on HBO, played at over 50 international film festivals, and is currently being used by the US State Department to discuss gender equity globally. As a clinician, researcher, former non-profit administrator, and mother of three, Dr. Mackenzie uses her professional experience, humor, and real life passion to address the power of social impact filmmaking as a motivational speaker. www.jennymackenziefilms.com

David Huebner, PhD, MPH, Executive Producer, Writer

Dr. Huebner is a clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Utah. He has spent the past 10 years researching how discrimination affects physical and mental health, and exploring ways that interventions can help improve health among minority and marginalized communities. He was the recipient of a 5-year grant from the National Institute of Mental Health, part of which provided the funding for LEAD WITH LOVE. www.psych.utah.edu/davidmhuebner

Resources:  PFLAG
http://pflag.org

Posted by Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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“Dutch women grow up thinking home birth is good for you, and that it’s part of mother nature. But I didn’t consider it at all. I think it’s too risky. If something is wrong, it’s better to be in hospital,” said a recently new Dutch mother. The Dutch government is worried by the fact that the rate of death among newborn babies is higher than in the Netherlands than other European countries.

The health minister said recently that obstetric care needed to improve, and there was sometimes “insufficient communication” between professionals.  Some doctors say women are choosing hospital birth because they want a full range of pain relief and quicker deliveries.

Image via Wikipedia

One unique feature of the Dutch system is a network of maternity nurses called Kraamhulp, who assist midwives during the birth, help new mothers begin breastfeeding and provide vital back-up during the crucial first week with maternity care and even housework.

Last year in the Netherlands, there were around 1,700 stillbirths and deaths among newborn babies. Everyone agrees that figure is too high, and that Dutch midwives and doctors should work more closely together.  But are home births being unfairly blamed?

Some believe that home births are safe and even if totally abolished, wouldn’t make a small dent in the mortality statistics. “It’s very short-sighted. I think it would be really sad if choice disappears – and there’s a real risk of this happening in the Netherlands.”

Related articles

• Natural Childbirth and Home-birthing for Non-hippies (healthmad.com)
• Hungary: Midwife Agnes Gereb taken to court for championing home births (guardian.co.uk)
• Midwives accuse sceptical doctors of causing ‘home birth backlash’ (dailymail.co.uk)
• Midwife Advice Needed (mombian.com)

Melanie Nathan, Dec 30, 2010. At the federal level of government in the United States, laws are made almost exclusively by legislation. Legislation originates as an Act of Congress passed by the Congress of the United States; such acts were either signed into law by the President or passed by Congress after a presidential veto.

Legislation is not the only source of regulations which have the force of law. There is also judge-made common law and constitutional law. The President can issue executive orders pursuant to a grant of discretion from Congress, or under the inherent powers that office holds to deal with certain matters of foreign policy.

When it comes to immigration matters, the standing law is that covered by the Immigration and Naturalization Act of the USA.  This law cannot be changed, without the involvement of Congress through an amendment process.  However I believe that when it comes to the regulations to effect the intent behind the law or something that unexpectedly and detrimentally impacts the law, the President of the USA can provide an executive order to adjust the circumstances, so impacted.

I do not believe that it was ever the intention of the Defense of Marriage Act to deny the de facto relationships of same-sex couples. I believe President Clinton who signed it into law would attest that it was never his intention to cause American citizens and Residents in same-sex relationships to have to exile the USA to pursue their Constitutional right to happiness. However Americans in the USA, in same sex relationships are denied the possibility to sponsor a partner for a green card.

Accordingly I believe that President Obama has the power to effect an Executive Order on behalf of same-sex couples who are specifically excluded by DOMA, from participating in the US Immigration laws.   This  quest would specifically denote a right by way of process to an American (citizen or resident) and not a right to an immigrant; the right of the American to Petition for a same-sex partner to reside in the USA, that is currently excluded via laws that simply fail to include the de facto situation, thereby causing extreme  hardship to American Families.

I do not believe the Immigration law needs to change for this to happen in the short term; I do not believe that this reflects in any way shape or form on the marriage equality debate.  It does not seek to change DOMA and nor does it impact the Immigration Act as we know it, at all.

There have been many early executive orders during all Presidencies;  the State Department began numbering executive orders in the early 20th century, starting retroactively from President Abraham Lincoln‘s Executive Order Establishing a Provisional Court in Louisiana issued in 1862. An executive order is an order issued by the President, the head of the executive branch of the federal government, generally to staff of the executive branch and not to the citizens of the country. Article I, Section 1 of the US Constitution specifically reserves all federal legislative authority to Congress, not the president.

However here what would occur would be the President ordering the inclusion of same-sex partners under existing law, based on the de facto existence of relationships, the anomaly caused by State law that endorse such relationships, while the Federal government fails to secure the right of the American to remain at home in a relationship of their choice.

Examples of prior Immigration related executive orders -

• Employment of aliens under Federal contracts: EO 12989
• Grenada; revocation of naturalization exemptions: EO 12913
• Persian Gulf conflict participants; expedited naturalization: EO 12939

The Case for an executive order is easily made:

Urgent Need; Immediate Harm;

Without the passage of a repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act the exclusionary legislation that caused the harm, or the passage of the Uniting American Families Act, (UAFA) the pending Legislation – which would fix the problem, there is little else that can happen to right this immeasurable harm in the near future.

Same-sex couples have been watching the introduction of legislation come and go for the best part of 15 years to no avail

Americans are living in exile to be with partners – separated from extended families, children etc.  Some are getting ready to leave the USA as I write this; some partners have not seen each other in years- partners are deported, living  jobless in hiding; the expense to maintain an international relationship is prohibitive and I can go on….

The Dream Act failed – Do you think Republicans will give a damn about gay and lesbian couples?

Now that DADT is repealed Military also need to a mechanism to bring home foreign born partners after serving abroad.

Now I have never written an Executive Order or anything similar before and so please do not take this as my expectation of what one would really look like or entail. In fact I may even be coming at it from the wrong angle – there may be a more direct way to do it than to Order a Special Board charged with a duty as I have done below.   I thought of doig it that way so that the ORDER would not be a blanket order, but would have built in measure for responsible actions, where evidence and contractual nexus helm the process.

EXECUTIVE ORDER

PREAMBLE:- Same Sex couples are a de facto part of American Society. The Defense of Marriage Act. specifically excludes Same-Sex partners from being included under the Immigration & Naturalization Act of 1952.

Some de facto same-sex relationships impacted by the Law include children who suffer hardship if parents are forced to separate or leave the United States;

No US citizen should be forced into exile or to leave their homes, careers and countries to be able to pursue a relationship with a same-sex partner;

The intention of the Defense of Marriage Act was define marriage as between a man and a woman only. In No way does this order derogate from that concept nor does it attempt to re-define marriage;

Predicated on the fact that DOMA was never intended to divide unmarried couples (who did not have the legal option to marry in accordance with the Federal definition established by DOMA)  and families or prevent them from living together.

It remains the policy of this Administration to enforce the immigration laws to the fullest extent, for all cases that do not conform to this Order;  including the detection and deportation of undocumented aliens.

IT IS ORDERED:-

I. Establishment of Emergency Board, to be led by personnel appointed by the President of the USA and office of the Department of Homeland Security for the purposes outlined as follows:-

I. Investigating the separation of same-sex partners whose relationships are excluded from immigration rights and privileges under the Immigration and Nationality Act of  1952 as amended ; with the specific purpose of providing remedies and urgent relief to specific couples and through general regulations and remedies for couples at large:-

a. To establish a Special Visa Program (similar to Fiancé Visa/ R1 Visa) to facilitate the reunification of same-sex partners in relationships where a contractual nexus can be proved within six months of entry by foreign partner into USA; and to to provide a path to citizenship upon conditions to be determined.

b. To provide a mechanism for the adjustment of Status for same-sex foreign partners who are currently in the USA undocumented, whose Visa has expired, who enter into same-sex relationships while in the USA, including those in Asylum or deportation proceedings, or under ten year re-entry ban, where other is a US Citizen or Legal US Resident, who can prove a contractual nexus;

c. To define contractual nexus (I have prepared my own)

d. To define and detail evidence required to prove contractual nexus:- (I have prepared a list)

II. Circumstances to Investigate:

• circumstances of American citizens forced leave the USA to be in relationship
• and live with a foreign born partner, where there is proof of contractual nexus;
• to review immigration cases of foreign same-sex partner, where other is a US
  Citizen or  legal US Resident,  who can prove a contractual nexus;
• to review deportation cases involving foreign same-sex partner, where other is a
  US Citizen or Legal US Resident,  who can prove a contractual nexus;
• to review asylum cases foreign same-sex partner, where other is a US Citizen and
  Resident,  who can prove a contractual nexus;
• to review Visa Applications

III Moratorium:

Immediate moratorium on all deportations involving foreign same-sex partner, where other is a US Citizen or Legal US Resident, who can prove a contractual nexus;  to include a retroactive waiver of 10 year ban on re-entry to USA.

The Power shall be vested in the Board and All Regulations stemming therefrom shall be subject to the oversight of a duly appointed Staffer and ratification by the President of the USA.

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CONCLUSION:

Maybe this is a pipe dream and I have written about this over a year ago – I hope to join with other advocates in the New Year to push for a creative remedy for the unconscionable and reprehensible inequity to same-sex couples and their families, immediate and extended.  This international community cannot wait any longer – not even for what it will take to repeal DOMA, Enact UAFA.  This is not an immigration reform issue – it is an immigration equality – as in parity- issue. Hence the bi-national same sex community which advocates, waits and prays for remedies should not be expected to wait any longer while an anti-immigrant weighted Congress plodders along with Comprehensive Immigration Reform.

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Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
@oblogdeeoblogda
@lezgetreal
www.visualcv.com/melnathan

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• The Shame: Tomorrow A DREAM but no UAFA! (lezgetreal.com)
• What next for Immigration Equality – Binationals are Concerned (lezgetreal.com)
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Shirley Tan Giving Evidence at SJC for UAFA 6/03/2009

Without any hope left, Hackett took her own life on Christmas Eve.  The writer of the report, David Taffet questions whether ‘ interpretation’ of laws to discount a same-sex relationship be the underlying cause of this needless death?

I do not believe blaming legal interpretation to be helpful because laws are always subject to interpretation and one side always looses, a natural concomitant of any legal system; and not something one can avoid.  However I do think that a few aspects blast at us about society, law and legal system and these all serve to exacerbate the extreme stress placed on any parent fighting for custody or visitation of a child. In this case the problem is heightened by one simple fact and that is that the law pertaining to custody and visitation of the children of same-sex couples, lack clarity and uniformity and case law is not well established to provide precedent.

Apparently this was a jury trial, where both  parties had witnesses who spoke at trial to both parents’ ability to be a stable influence on the child.   Debie apparently had issues and the other parent was not perfect either. Several people testified  Debie having had past mental illness which “she often chose not to medicate, and she was unstable” according to one comment.

However none of this provides a reason enough to take away a child from a parent.   Unless there was the chance of the child being harmed and in that event there should have been an order for regular supervised visitation. If this mother, Debie lost all custody and visitation I would hedge my bet that this Jury returned its verdict because they weighed in that Debie was not the biological parent – and that is pure prejudice.

But here are the real problems that bite at  custody matters in general -

1. Lower court Judges are elected and often not appointed. If voted in they will rule according to political viability of the community attitude. There is always a way to interpret the law accordingly;  And in the case of a Jury – well I think Juries should not be the one’s to hear custody cases, ever and I can only imagine the bias toward aq lesbian non biological parent.

2. The cost of sustaining a well fought case is unconscionable. No parent should have to spend what can amount to hundreds of thousands of dollars to fight for their right to see their child – the resulting financial hardship must factor in to the stress;

3. The loss of custody of a child – is like death;

4. Finally the legal system is slow and fails in many respects- evaluations, qualifications of professionals and much more;

Now to add to all this – in a case such as this particular tragedy, is Debbie Hackett was a lesbian parent and so many aspects of our society frown on lesbian parents because many believe sexual orientation is a reason to deprive a non biological parent and even a biological parent, as the case may be, of their parental rights.

Trying to function normally and fight for an unclear right, unsupported by society, which doubts your actual right to be a parent, per se, may well be the final straw for anyone subjected to the hellish nightmare of a custody battle.

If I were to caste blame – it would be on the  parent who refused  to share custody or provide visitation, because  there is no reason why on parent should deny another their right or deprive the child of its right, unless  for valid proven reasons such as abuse, drug/ alcohol addiction, criminality, asserting the unfitness of the other to parent.

Any parent who sees fit to deprive another of the right to see the child, unless harmful to the child, is in my opinion the unworthy parent!
In many cases the test is “the best interest of the child” standard and that usually does not preclude a right to at least visitation, albeit even supervised visitation.  Hence if a judge orders no visitation at all, then the Judge at the behest of the winning parent, is adjudicating that the parent is not a fit or proper parent for the child.   That, if untrue, would be enough to make anyone want to commit suicide.

This could well be described as another form of Bullying – where one uses the system that one knows will likely caste unjust aspersions…

When I looked at the comments of the Dallas Voice Article, I got the distinct impression that Debbie did not lose custody for being a bad person…. or even a bad parent ….depression is mentioned in comments – that would not be a reason to deprive a parent of custody or supervised visitation in extreme cases.

Here are some examples:

1. Debie,  You were such an inspiration to so many people! You were an amazing mentor, friend, sister, daughter, and mother! You will be greatly missed and always remembered by those who have had the pleasure to meet you and be a part of your life! Your life has had a huge impact on so many people’s lives in such a positive way! Heaven just got another angel, but the world will miss you terribly!

2. I feel very blessed and honored to have known Debie Hackett.  She is an inspiration, and has left a legacy in the lives of those whom she loved, and those who loved her.  She will be missed, but never forgotten!  Godspeed, Debie!  I love you!!!  ツ

3. Debie was an amazing person and a vital part of Dallas’ recovery community. The lives she touched with her kind words, counsel and support are impossible to count. It was a gift to know her as well as I did and she will be greatly missed.

4. I empathize with Debie completely! If you are the least bit prone to clinical depression (like she was), an emotional overload of this nature can push anybody over the edge. She is not a coward and not selfish! She was in the throes of something that she could not get out of. Depression is a sickness. you would not kick your dog if it was sick?

5. Debie and I worked together, many years ago, at an in-patient mental health facility for children. Debie was the best example I’ve witnessed of a true advocate for children. Her heart was big and her ability to connect with youth – to reach them in their darkest self hatred – was nothing short of a God-given gift. She has impacted so many people with her honesty and kindness. I am so sad that she was in so much emotional pain and that she wasn’t able to see an end to it in this existence.

6. Having known Debie on multiple levels & in multiple arenas for over 18 years, I can tell you with certainty that she gave of herself, her time, her love, her resources…..anything & everything, needed or not, with the only desire that one might be helped. Regardless of the situation or solution, Debie’s immediacy in helping anyone & everyone was the code she lived by. It is presumptious, arrogant & cruel to label her selfish or to boast of having the ‘hotline’ to her internal thoughts. None of us have the luxury of that knowing. Annnnnnd….it is none of our business. Compassion & love for her as well as for the shattered hearts of those who loved her.

7. You were such an inspiration to so many people! You were an amazing mentor, friend, sister, daughter, and mother! You will be greatly missed and always remembered by those who have had the pleasure to meet you and be a part of your life! Your life has had a huge impact on so many people’s lives in such a positive way! Heaven just got another angel, but the world will miss you terribly!

8. I worked with Debie when she was employed at Parkland. Unlike the rest of us she was not cynical or burned out by the great number of people needing drug and alcohol treatment. She always went the extra mile to help them including running a support group for expectant mothers with substance abuse problems. She touched many, many lives and helped people more than any of us can know. No matter how busy or down she might be she always took time help others. I am so crushed that she was so overwhlemed that she could see no other way out. I will miss you terribly, my dear friend.

9. I did not know Debie. I am a mother. I can not imagine the unbearable pain of losing the right to be with your child. Unbearable. And the judge was remiss and terribly wrong. The other parent, why, why,would you take advantage of a court system that does not protect the full rights of same sex couples when you yourself would be a victim of their discrimination as well. With all these compliments about the character of this mother, why would you need to take the custody away so completely so as to rip her heart out and give her no hope.  Someone above mentioned that each parent had the best interest of the child in mind. I don’t know these people, but bullshit.  The parent could have gained full custody but allowed visitation.   That’s just wrong. You were wrong. You could have found a way to co parent even if you wanted all the control. Now you have it. What will you tell the kid about  what happened to their other parent?  Sorry folks….just had to say it, we all grieve in our own way, even for a stranger.

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

Read more of Dallas Report here...  http://www.dallasvoice.com/despondent-parental-visitation-rights-1057927.html

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Media artist Jen Gilomen collaborated with COLAGE to create Family Time, a short film and participatory multimedia exhibit tracing two decades of evolution in the concept of family as experienced by people with one or more Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and/or Queer (LGBTQ) parents. Their interwoven stories reflect social changes through personal experiences with the political, legal, and social elements that most mark the LGBTQ movement.

You can watch the video by visiting http://colage.org/familytime.

"An Image That I will Not Forget"

Melanie Nathan- Dec 18-2010 -The Senate voted, 65-31 for the repeal of the draconian policy, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell – While thanks go to all activists, grass roots and organizations alike, to those in Congress, Senators who worked tirelessly to make repeal a reality – the 65 who truly represented the People of America, to President Obama,  we as a community are thankful most especially to our brave service members whether discharged or serving; and most especially to those who were injured or paid the ultimate sacrifice for us -  lost their lives while serving in silence – the real heroes abound and we may never know who they were.

In a message to the LGBT community, Robin McGehee, the Director of GetEQUAL whose overt and risky advocacy such as chaining to the White House Fence, arrests  and direct White House “on the record” advocacy,  said:

” Repeal of DADT is just one of the things that GetEQUAL sees as a priority in order to work toward full legal and social equality. Far from being a lobbying group or political insiders, we are committed to doing whatever it takes to smash down the walls of discrimination and inequality that surround us. Yes, that includes military discrimination — but it includes so many other things, as well. We will continue this work as we turn the corner into 2011, and we hope you will continue this work with us. Today was a historic day, but by no means is it the end. We will move forward with pride, with urgency, with ferocity — and without fear.” So in celebration GetEQUAL will be holding a conference call for activists tonight.  Today, we honor those who have taken action with GetEQUAL over the past nine months, knowing that we need many more to join them. Please join us in honoring them — and by reaffirming your own commitment to work toward a day in which we are all equal.”

See Face Book Page of GetEQUAL for details about tonight’s Conference Call at 6.00PM PST.

“After 17 years of living under the discriminatory “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, we’re one step closer to repealing the ban on open and honest service for lesbian, gay, and bisexual Americans.

Make no mistake — DADT is not yet repealed. There is still work to do. There is still a long process ahead, but we vow to keep the pressure up until the policy is fully and completely repealed. There are still people — especially our transgender sisters and brothers — who are unjustly left behind by this legislation.

We heard moving speeches from many strong allies today — allies who have been with us from the beginning and allies who, like Senator Jim Webb, we helped to bring into the pro-equality fold.This has been a long fight and will continue for the foreseeable future. I hope you will smile a little bit deeper, hug a little bit tighter, and wear/show/fly your rainbow with a little bit more PRIDE — because we are another step closer to what we all are calling for as we fight for dignity and equality.

Our hearts go out to all the DREAM activists who have worked so hard for ten years on passage of the DREAM Act, only to have it die in the Senate today. And our thoughts are with all of the discharged servicemembers under DADT who are certainly wrestling with joy over today’s vote, but sadness for their own careers.

I am so proud to be connected with so many people who desire to make a difference and who are relentless in their pursuit to ensure that the unequal treatment of LGBTQ people becomes a part of the history books. Our work is not done, but December 18, 2010, will mark one more day that our country took another step toward making us a little bit more equal.

Get Out! Get Active! GetEQUAL!

Robin McGehee

Director, GetEQUAL”

Sign  the  GE thank you page here!

Melanie Nathan.
nathan@privatecourts.com
@oblogdeeoblogda
www.privatecourts.com

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• Obama Engages Senate, Calls Senators About Repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (lezgetreal.com)
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If this does not change the Principal, What Will?

If this Does Not Change The Teen afraid to Tell, What Will?

If This does Not change the Listening Parent, What Will?

End Teen Suicide
The Responsibility of All…

Melanie Nathan.
December 17, 2010
Thanks Evan Hurst For your Post and drawing attention to this Video.

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• Perez Hilton: I’ve Been A Bully Myself And I’m Going To Change (joemygod.blogspot.com)
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Melanie Nathan- Dec 15, 2011 – San Francisco activists are organizing a sit in/ lie in on Saturday this week to protest the hostile take over of the Historic Harvey Milk Camera Store.  Who is the potential tenant – HRC – The Human Rights Campaign.

I will be protesting there with my kids – the new faces of LGBT community includes everyone and especially includes the emergence of LGBT procreation/adoption/family.   It is not the face of HRC – an nontransparent elitist lobby that has failed in its stance as “the main lobby org for LGBT equality in D.C.”

HRC wants to take over the Milk Store, thinking they can claim the old notion of grass root activism by merely tapping the name of Harvey Milk in a feigned association with HRC.  Additionally Harvey Milk would never have approved of this marriage – his name and HRC.

HRC is everything Milk would have deplored at a time like this.   Their presence in the Store will be a slap in the face to his Memory!

SO

Join us outside Harvey Milk’s former camera store at 575 Castro Street, on Saturday, December 18, from 12 noon-2pm.

We will declare that the sidewalks belong to everyone and to protest Human Rights Campaign’s plan to rent Harvey’s store and co-opt his legacy.

Sit/lie, which makes it illegal to sit or lie on sidewalks, will be selectively enforced against homeless queers in the Castro, homeless folks in the Haight and Day Laborers in the Mission. Harvey opposed the sit/lie law of the 1970s which was used to harass and arrest gay men in the Castro. It was  struck down in 1979.

HRC left transgender people out of ENDA (federal gay rights bill) and generally excludes grassroots LGBT activists from when decisions are made and lobby strategies employed, that impact us all.

We won’t let HRC put Harvey’s legacy up for sale, and we won’t let the police decide who can sit on a sidewalk.

Bring musical instruments; games; food to share; things to sell, give-away or barter; signs; face painting kits; fun activity to engage in; good conversation; jumping ropes, etc.

Sidewalks are for everyone
(The Petrelis Blog)

Caveat:  LezGetReal does not support or recommending any illegal action or risk of harm to LGBT protesters  and especially not to children.  There is a great ice cream store we can go to and observe the protest. Our presence in the area as a family is our way of protesting and hats off to those who are willing to take it to the level of civil disobedience.

Please Visit the related Article on  The-gay-Life – http://www.this-gay-life.com/2010/12/got-milk.html

Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

No MILK for HRC ™ – Harvey’s Legacy ‘Not for Rent’ © All Rights Reserved – 2010 – LGR Media- LezGetReal.

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Melanie Nathan, USA –   Nov 26-2010;

“It is like sending them straight to the cemetery”, says MP Amine Kakabaveh (V). (see below)

They live in a small room in one of the Migration Board apartments. The Swedish Immigration Court has decided they should be expelled in a week. “We are so afraid that we can barely sleep or eat, “says Dilsa.  The two women , in their 30s fell in love in Iraq five years ago. But they had hide their relationship for fear of persecution. Pari’s family is one of the most powerful Muslim clans in the country with governmental power. Being a lesbian in the environment was impossible and dangerous.

Pari was being forced to marry a relative, but she refused and confessed that she loved a woman.
Death sentences were issued by the clan. First Pari would be killed, then Dilsa.  With Pari managed to flee to Sweden in 2006.  Dilsa hid at a friend’s home in Iraq. However, the friend’s brother raped her, and she became pregnant.  “I fled to Sweden three months after  Pari and I had an abortion”, she says.

They reunited in Sweden, they wanted to pursue their dream, to marry. But the missing documents and they were told that they must obtain a passport.  Dilsa brother in Iraq arranged a passport for his sister, afterwards he was murdered.  “If they killed my brother, what will they do to me?”

According to the Migration Board, a person likely to be persecuted because of their sexual orientation must receive protection in Sweden.   When confronted press officer John Rahm stated that he could not give reasons why this was not adhered to in this case due to privacy issues.

Amine Kabavah has started a FaceBook Page to support the Women’s quest for safe asylum. “Following two deportation order of lesbians girls from Iraq, I have taken the initiative to start a Facebook group that advises us all to join in. The presentation is as follows:

Stop the deportation of LGBT people

I have been in contact with two young lesbians girls from Iraqi Kurdistan who have fled forced marriage to a safe haven in Sweden. But the Migration Board’s refusal to give them any sanctuary.

One of the girls’ brother has already had killed because he helped his sister to escape a forced marriage. The other belongs to a powerful clan family. Being a woman and LGBT persons are apparently no reason to get asylum despite the fact that every day is murdered girls in different parts of the Middle East (and especially in Iraq). There is nothing to get in order to ensure the girls’ freedom, neither in konstiatutionen in Iraq or in the laws in force in Iraqi Kurdistan. Even religion, family and social context is for these girls’ disadvantage.

If you are opposed to the Migration Board show the girls in similar situations, you should join this group.

The link to the group can be found here .”  See video Interview below

With thanks to  Paul Canning,  LGBT Asylum- UK – for his dedication and continued life saving  efforts on behalf on LGBT people around the world.

Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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Frank Lloyd Wright Designed Marin Civic Center

I hope all read this enlightening piece and thank these astute and brilliant young teens by clicking on their video at you tube – which is unrelated to the story, but a glimpse of the astounding creativity emanating from the youth of today, via constructive use of the technology available to them.

Lauren and Grace are trying to win a scholarship and their success depends on how many hits they get on YouTube.

The Day Our School Cried

Lauren Gray and Grace Shen

On Friday, September 17, 2010 at 11:51 am, during fourth period, five of our peers were driving west on Novato Boulevard, West of San Marin Drive, California.  The driver lost control of his car along a curve, and his car rotated 180 degrees, right in front of a big rig that was hauling cattle. The truck hit the back of the car and two of our peers were thrown out of the car. One, Issac Brott, was killed at the scene.

None of the staff even found out about the crash until the end of the day. Text messages were flying around carrying rumors about what had happened and the injuries. When we learned that Isaac Brott had actually died in the crash, everyone was devastated.

Even people like us who didn’t know him that well. The next Monday, everyone was so depressed that little work was done and the entire day was devoted to counselor therapy in the library and voicing concerns during class. Having an empty desk in the class where you knew he sat really shocked many kids and devastated his friends.

Also, we suddenly had many more restrictions on being allowed to go to the bathroom during class with or without a pass, but no one really minded because it was to protect an incident like that happening again.

There were many kids who claimed they had smelled alcohol on the groups breaths before being let out of class. But no one said anything to the teachers because they feared that they would be hated by everyone else for ratting them out. The guilt that clung to some of these people was tremendous.

Overall, it was a very depressing week full of regrets. Groups vowing to never drink and drive sprang up all over school and facebook. People promised to do whatever they could to prevent someone from driving if they saw that they were drunk. A memorial on the side of Novato Blvd was created for Isaac in his memory. Hundreds of people went there to grieve and say their goodbyes. We recently passed it as of last week, and it was still there, covered in flowers. His close friends called him Young Icey and they set up a dance for his birthday in his memory. Tickets were sold at school and many of us went. On the advertisement for the event, his friend Jovontae Lewis wrote “”NO 3D: No Drinking, No Drugs, No Drama.”

Another sad thing is that just last year, we had a group called Every Fifteen Minutes had been to our school. They taught us about the tragedies of drunk driving and demonstrated the emotional pain by taking a kid out of a room with a grim reaper every 15 minutes to signify their death. On the field, we had an elaborate demonstration of a drunk driving crash with our peers as the actors in it. The police came, the emergency vehicles showed up, and a helicopter even took one of them to general hospital. This whole set up is what played through our heads when we heard the news of the crash. We each could vividly picture what was happening because we had seen it last year.

This was a tragic incident, and all of our friends agreed that it was a life changing experience. You never expect anything like this to happen at your school. You never expect it to happen to someone you know. While discussing the tragedy in our classes, many of our friends said that if they were to smell alcohol on someone’s breath, that they would do the right thing and tell a teacher. We would all deal with someone’s temporary anger if it meant saving their life. At least now everyone is aware of the consequences of turning a blind eye to drunk driving and people realize that it IS a problem at school. It’s just sad that it took something this tragic for people to acknowledge it.

Here is the link to Lauren and Grace’s Scholarship Video

Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
@oblogdeeoblogda

________________________________________________________________________________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRsbRofegXE

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Five years later,  her son Zheng Yuantao, 30,discussed his sexuality on local television in the southern metropolis of Guangzhou and it was then that Wu decided to become what state media calls the first Chinese parent to go on television in support of her gay child.

According to a CNN report, Zheng applauds his mother: “Many of my gay friends are afraid of going home during holidays, because their parents would ask about girlfriends and press them to get married, I grew up in a very open-minded family, I didn’t have too much of a struggle about my sexuality.”

Wu now devotes her time and energy to speaking up for gay acceptance by family and society. She is now known as “Mama Wu,” by the local Gay community who appreciate her courageous advocacy. She taught herself to use a computer and  writes a blog that has clocked more than 2.2 million hits. She also tweets frequently, has launched a hotline and founded the country’s first PFLAG – Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays – group in her hometown.

“I just followed my instinct and my love for my son,” Wu said. One is awestruck by how one person can break from such deeply entrenched culture where gay invokes family shame.  Perhaps love can overcome – but it takes a very special person. Chinese parents  generally refuse to face the reality of Gay or lesbian children; some sever ties with their  children. Some even insist on psychiatric treatments, while yet the worst others may threaten to commit suicide if their children don’t change.

According to the CNN Report: “Suicide is high among Chinese homosexuals  with some surveys saying as many as 30 percent of gay youth attempt to take their lives. That trend mirrors the United States, where a spate of suicides by gay adolescents in recent months has shaken the nation. “  Most gay men in China still succumb to social pressure and marry women. It once meant heterosexual marriages, often with children, Li said. Now, gay community activists say a small but growing number of young gay men in big cities are tying the knot with lesbians to both placate families and maintain their lifestyles.

It’s not all accolades for Wu, however; she is often the subject of online abuse.

Homosexuality is not illegal in China, and in 2001 it was also removed from the country’s list of officially recognized mental disorders. But it remains largely a taboo topic on state-run media.

Wu has picked up pace in spreading the message of acceptance, giving lectures and hosting seminars across the nation.At a recent PFLAG gathering in Beijing, Wu, sporting a rainbow scarf and speaking in a calm but firm tone, addressed a packed hotel conference room of about 100 people, with her son and his boyfriend in attendance.

Thousands of blog posts and phone calls later, Wu has compiled her stories in a new book – titled “Love Is the Most Beautiful Rainbow” – and vows to continue her effort.

“I have only one child, but so many call me Mama,” she said.

Source CNN – Full Article can be found here- read more by Steven Jiang, CNN

Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts

11/02/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

Gay icon and singer Cher admits that she is still getting used to her child’s gender change. Chaz Bono was born Chastity Bono, back in the day, for those of you too young to remember. Cher also says that she can see how hard it would be to feel as if you were born the wrong gender. She tells Vanity Fair in an upcoming interview:

“Well, she’s a very smart girl — boy! This is where I get into trouble. My pronouns are [bleeped]. I still don’t remember to call her ‘him,’ If I woke up tomorrow in a guy’s body, I would just kick and scream and cry and [bleeping] rob a bank, because I cannot see myself as anything but who I am — a girl. I would not take it as well as Chaz has.” [Source]

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Posted by Melanie Nathan- 10-20-10

Jon Langbert of Dallas, Texas, who is openly gay and father of a 9-year old boy who is a Cub Scout, was told by Boy Scout heads that he could no longer wear the shirt that identified him as a member of a Boy Scouts leadership team because is gay.

According to CNN Lambert had received the shirt a year ago. The shirt identified him as a member of the leadership team that was selling popcorn for a Scout fundraiser.

But Lambert says that all changed last week. “Everything was running along smoothly until some of the dads complained,” Langbert said. When the complaints rose to a higher level of the Scout leadership, he was asked to stop wearing the shirt and give up his leadership role, he said.

A Scout Circle Ten Council official said Langbert was never registered as a leader in the first place.

“We do have a policy that avowed gays and atheists are not allowed to be a registered leader or member of Boy Scouts of America,” said Pat Currie, Scout executive with the Circle Ten Council. “It’s a longstanding policy.”

In a telephone interview, Boy Scouts of America director of public relations Deron Smith told CNN that the discussion has no place in Scouting.

“We focus on our mission, and our mission is to take young people and prepare them for an exceptional adulthood,” he said. “That’s it. That’s why our policy is the way it is. Our volunteer leadership has elected to keep that policy in place.”

Lambert stated that his son plans to leave the Cub Scouts. “He’s saying he’s not interested in continuing while his dad’s being singled out like this.”

Thanks you to Source  – see Video.

My Comment:- This is an example of  why we need LGBT – sexual orientation included in the Civil Rights Act. There is nothing worse than telling a child his/her family is unacceptable. It is tantamount to an assault on a child.  I have seen how it has affected my own child and our Country must protect the Children of the LGBT community just as it would do for any other children in this country.

Hey, the good news is – another activist is born!

Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

Related articles

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Earlier today we reported that A New Jersey based Jewish newspaper, The Jewish Standard refuses to publish wedding or engagement announcements from same-gender couples any longer after receiving complaints.

The editor, Rebecca Kaplan Boroson: “We set off a firestorm last week by publishing a same-gender couple’s announcement of their intent to marry. Given the tenor of the times, we did not expect the volume of comments we have received, many of them against our decision to run the announcement, but many supportive as well.

A group of rabbis has reached out to us and conveyed the deep sensitivities within the traditional/Orthodox community to this issue. Our subsequent discussions with representatives from that community have made us aware that publication of the announcement caused pain and consternation, and we apologize for any pain we may have caused. The Jewish Standard has always striven to draw the community together, rather than drive its many segments apart. We have decided, therefore, since this is such a divisive issue, not to run such announcements in the future.”

Since this morning just about every LGBT BLOG has run the story as can be seen at the end of this Article; it has gone viral. The Jewish Standard has received numerous comments in support of the gay and lesbian community, expressing outrage at the editor’s decision and divisive apology, pandering to a small sect of Jewish extremists.

The Editor who made the decision to pull the announcements, provide this ridiculous “apology” to  a few ultra orthodox who complained, at the expense of an entire community – must either be really stupid or has no idea who the hell is reading her paper. She ought to be fired; and she ought to apologize for what she has said and the harm she has caused.

That said, as a Jewish married lesbian – I am so proud of the comments that were made by the Jewish Community and the Rabbis whose names are mentioned; in fact so proud that I have published them here lest they Jewish Standard decide to remove them from their site when they wake up to the outrage!    Out of so many there is only one comment that supports the homophobic stance of the newspaper.

The comments speak for the Jewish people while the view expressed by the editor reflects that only of a homophobic Board influenced by a few.

This editorial decision is insulting to those who were overjoyed by the celebration of a beautiful life-cycle event.  A non-ideological newspaper should report, not place value decisions on events in the Jewish community.  Moreover, the desire to please those who have experienced “pain and consternation” causes even greater pain for those who are gay and their friends and family.  It hurts much more to know that we are not welcome in the Northern Jersey Jewish community by the standards of this paper.

Leah posted 04 Oct 2010 at 04:27 PM

How disappointing for this publication, one where I always felt at home reading about this accepting Jewish faith. You have lost a faithful reader in me and believer that Jews are some of the most compassionate people on Earth, especially because of our past plight. To say the least, I am extremely saddened, disapointed and disheartened by my own people and our religious and supposed moral leaders.

posted 04 Oct 2010 at 04:36 PM

Wow

This is just plain disappointing. A paper that claims to represent the Jewish community bowing down to the pressure of one group, while spitting in the face of the other. This is not how to resolve conflicts and will only further suppress dialogue on this issue if we cant even read about it in our daily newspaper.

Hopefully these days will be behind us soon…..

posted 04 Oct 2010 at 05:20 PM

you should be ashamed of yourselves, cow towing to a bunch of BIGOTS. I will indeed encourage people to take a pass on this publication, because Bigots suck and that is what this mag has reduced itself to-a bigoted disgusting Piece fo garbage.

posted 04 Oct 2010 at 05:31 PM

How does it draw the community together to exclude the marriages of many members from public acknowledgment? I wholeheartedly agree with  mmmmmm

If the paper doesn’t count gay and lesbian Jews as members, so be it. But don’t pretend hat this solution is uncontroversial, or does not cause pain. You’ve just chosen the prejudices and discomfort of one segment of the community over the simchas of another.

posted 04 Oct 2010 at 05:34 PM

I am dismayed that a newspaper which seeks to be a voice for the ENTIRE Jewish community in Northern New Jersey, not just for “a group of rabbis within the traditional/Orthodox community,” would make such an unjust editorial decision. I was initially quite proud that The Jewish Standard was among the first Jewish newspapers in the country to publish a simcha announcement for a same-sex couple. Presenting an inclusive portrait of Jewish community in which we affirm the humanity and dignity of every Jew embodies the Jewish value of b’tzelem elohim, the notion that people are created in the divine image of God. What a shame that gay and lesbian Jews will open up the pages of The Jewish Standard and be told that there is no place for them here. How terribly painful to send a message to those who are leading meaningful Jewish lives that their love is not worthy of communal recognition. These messages are hurtful, mean-spirited, and very un-Jewish. I would hope that a Jewish paper would know that the Jewish community is, and always has been, strengthened by its diversity.

=posted 04 Oct 2010 at 05:36 PM

Some “traditional/Orthodox” Jews experienced “pain and consternation” in reading a wedding announcement of a couple who just happened to be of the same sex? These people had no connection with the couple whatsoever and their marriage had no effect on them or their lives whatsoever. Given that absolute lack of any meaningful connection between these readers and the couple, it is disingenuous to claim they felt “pain” as seeing the wedding announcement. Rather, the proper word in this case is “hatred.” They did not like the idea of a gay couple’s celebration of their commitment and religious identity being equated to their own, and reacted with rage.

And now the Jewish Standard has decided that the hated-fueled rage of some “traditional/Orthodox” readers is more important that the REAL “pain and consternation” felt by gay and lesbian Jews, theri families, and friends at the Jewish Standard’s decision that their life-cycle events are not valuable or meaningful enough to report in the community newspaper.

This decision makes sense, in crass and venal sense: the “traditional/Orthodox” community is large and spends a lot of money that the Jewish Standard’s circulation and advertisers care about a great deal. It’s just sad that the rage of bigots and filthy lucre count for more than the lives and loves of other human beings.

Anonymous posted 04 Oct 2010 at 05:47 PM

This apology is disgusting and abhorrent. In light of the recently publicized suicides of gay youth, how dare a Jewish newspaper apologize for publishing a same-sex marriage announcement? Whoever decided that was ok can add that to their list of things to do teshuvah for next year. This kind of absurd public apology is shameful, embarrassing, and dangerous. You are basically telling every young gay person who might happen upon this apology that, oops, we shouldn’t have shown support for gay people, because it offends some ignorant, insensitive members of our community. I’m shocked and horrified by this. And P.S.—there are segments of the Orthodox community that are coming around on this issue, so let’s not assume all Orthodox people think it’s ok to implicitly gay-bash. It’s also very un-Jewish.

Unreal posted 04 Oct 2010 at 05:59 PM

Hmm… you can publish treyf restaurant ads but not an announcement of two people joining their lives together? Sounds fishy to me.

n posted 04 Oct 2010 at 06:13 PM

From your own “About Us” page:

“The Jewish Standard is not affiliated with any program, organization, movement, or point of view, but is dedicated to giving expression to all phases of Jewish life. “
…except for the lives of homosexuals.

Your actions sicken me. Take your mission seriously or take your lofty statements of principles down, you filthy hypocrites.

yankl posted 04 Oct 2010 at 06:30 PM

Shame on your excuse for a newspaper.  How can you bring a community together by refusing to print marriage announcements from people within the community?  You can’t be a community newspaper if you refuse to carry notices from your own community.  You caused pain and consternation for the Orthodox Jews?  What about the pain you’re causing gay Jews and their friends and families?  You want to be divisive?  Congratulations,  by caving into religious extremism you’ve managed to highlight divisions within the community and widen them.  Did you notice that your two grooms are Orthodox Jews and were both leaders of Jewish student organizations? What about their Orthodox families?  Do they not get considered into your worries about consternation and pain?

און פאַר די גאָר פרומע װאָס האָבן געסטראַשעט די צײטונג: שװײג אײערע פּיסקעלעך. אַרבעט אױף אײערע אײגענע פּראָבלעמען פאַר דעם װאָס איר מאַכט מער צרות פאַר דער רעשט פון אונדז. אױב איר װילט אַװעקטרײבן אַלע האָמאָסעקסואַליסטן פון אידישקײט, הײב אָן מיט אײערע אײגענע געמײנדע װײל איר װײסט גאַנץ גוט װיפל געפינען זיך צװישן עץ

posted 04 Oct 2010 at 06:44 PM

What kind of newspaper are you?  Have you no backbone? You are a newspaper, first and foremost.  It is because of ridiculous “sensitivity” reactions like this that force young, bright children to jump off of bridges.  What’s next, no more NY Times because they publish gay wedding announcements?  No inter-racial wedding announcements because someone might get upset?  Since when does one group of readers determine what all readers get to read?  If it upsets the reader, DON’T READ IT.

B. Whine posted 04 Oct 2010 at 06:51 PM

Thank you for making me feel like a valid and respected member of the Jewish community. Not.

Bert posted 04 Oct 2010 at 06:54 PM

Are you serious? I guess you are. How disappointing. And stupid.

Lev Raphael posted 04 Oct 2010 at 06:56 PM

What a craven and ridiculous decision! How on earth can someone else’s simcha cause anyone pain and consternation?  If it does, that person needs therapy, not to throw his or her weight around and bully a newspaper into bigotry.

posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:01 PM

As a reader of the Jewish Standard and as someone who is engaged to be married, I am outraged by your discriminatory and biased decision not to publish life-cycle announcements from same sex couples. SHAME ON YOU!

To all regular readers out there and anyone else reading this, you must let the newspaper hear your outrage too.

Wayne posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:01 PM

Absolutely despicable decision, and the most craven form of journalism. I assume the Standard will also stop running articles about women who work outside the home, wear immodest clothing, or sing in the presence of men, since those people might behave in way that offends the delicate sensitivities of a few readers? Photos of men and women who are not related will now be segregated by gender, lest readers get the idea that sometimes men and women socialize without being married or related?  I assume *all* mention of Conservative and Reform (and don’t even mention secular) Jews will also simply be stricken, since what they call Judaism might not measure up to the standards of the strictest traditionalists, and should therefore simply be ignored, as if it didn’t exist? And anything at all—anything—that the most observant Jew doesn’t like, you will simply excise from your pages and pretend that by doing so, the real world has ceased to operate? When you cave in to the most restrictive among us, you alienate everyone else—and pushing certain people back into invisibility in order to avoid being “divisive” is, in itself, a horribly divisive stand. Shame.

Mark  posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:04 PM

I just wanted to thank you for letting me know I am not welcome in your community.

I’m not quite sure what constitutes “pain & consternation” caused by announcement of a couple’s pledge of love and devotion, but it doesn’t compare one bit to the pain you have caused all LGBT Jewish women and men by caving to in fear and bigotry.

If you are striving so hard to draw the community together, you’ve done a great disservice to the former members you’ve thrown under the bus.

Shame on you.

jt posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:05 PM

I suspect that some gay people, and even some of their friends and family members, feel pain from so many instititutions of our society not recognizing their lifelong committment in marriage.

Debbie Appel posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:07 PM

The logic of this statement is baffling. The Jewish Standard is “striving to bring the community together” by marginalizing LGBT Jews. What about the “pain and consternation”of that group of Jews who are being told by this statement that their celebrations are not worth celebrating.

Nancy 04 Oct 2010 at 07:12 PM

I feel the decision to run the original announcement was correct. I am saddened that a fraction of our Jewish Community may have felt hurt by your decision to announce a simcha. Our halakhic tradition demands that we treat all members of our community with love amd respect. The Jewish People have been victim to fear and bigotry throughout our long, rich cultural history, it is shocking and sickening to me that a Jewish newspaper serving members of our Jewish Community would condone this bigoted behavior and allow fears based on prejudice determine their policies. I am shocked and disappointed. We can do better.

SH  posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:18 PM

As a supporter and active Jewish citizen in Bergen County, I would like to state that while I understand the opinion of the traditional/Orthodox community and the pressures they often place on media outlets and the private sector, it is disappointing to find the Jewish Standard to have chosen to only speak to that community and change their policies of inclusion of all sectors of the Jewish community in northern NJ due to pressures. Perhaps it is that the Jewish Standard does not believe the secular Jewish community will make as much of a scene about this issue, but in light of the media coverage in NJ due to Tyler Clementi’s passing and bias crime that took place at Rutgers University, home to many secular Jews from northern NJ, I would have expected a VERY different decision by such a well-renowned publication. I am asking you to please change your decision, and understand that you are a publication for the ENTIRE Jewish community, no matter what pressures are put on you for social reasons. Thank you for understanding and I hope to hear that you reverse your decision and return to being the Jewish publication you have been for many years.

T posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:22 PM

It’s a simcha! Simchas don’t cause pain and consternation, at least not in my book. A gigantic mazal tov and kol hakavod to the happy, beautiful, and inspirational couple. We love you!

Joshua posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:27 PM

I write today to sincerely protest your exclusion of same-sex wedding announcements from your newspaper.

I sympathize with your conflicted decision making process, given the diversity of your readership, whose varying values are not only important but also are part and parcel of the very make-up of the communities you service.  Indeed, I applaud your sensitivity to the feelings of your readers.

However, your aim to be sensitive to one faction of the Jewish community has left another to suffer.  While I understand the publishing of a gay wedding may be upsetting to some, these readers are not being asked to attend or to approve.  To protest the publishing of such an announcement has more to do with accepting such people as existing in the world than accepting them as part of one’s community.

I find it tragically ironic that the stated motives for your decision hinge on community members’ pain, but you have effected quite a hurtful act in its own right, causing real pain to those who know now for sure that they will not be accepted (not approved of, merely acknowledged) in the Jewish community – at least the one you represent.  You are hardly “drawing the community together” in this move; you are merely choosing which group is worth listening to, which group is expendable.

I find your decision objectionable and offensive.  In two weeks, I will rejoice at the holy khasunah of my friends, whose wedding announcement was elided.  Our community will be strong and loving, as we welcome them with open arms.

Jonah Rank posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:31 PM

To whom this may concern,

I find this news disturbing, especially in light of the number of suicides by homosexuals that occurred in the USA over the course of the past month.

Why should the public announcement of a homosexual couple be more abhorrent to an Orthodox Jew than the announcement of a Simchat Torah celebration for young Jews where Jews must pay for entry or where musical instruments are used, or the announcement of services at a synagogue where non-Kosher food may be served at communal celebrations, or the announcement of the installation of a new female clergy person? And furthermore, why should an Orthodox Jew’s discomfort with announcing a life cycle event of two people unknown to him or her allow the publication, read also by non-Orthodox Jews, convince a community not to publish announcements that will upset several Orthodox Jews who clearly are at odds with recent attempts from the Orthodox Jewish community to reach out to and to welcome gay Jews?

Regardless of Jewish law’s ramifications surrounding a homosexual union, I am willing to suggest that it just might be a Chillul Hashem—a desecration of the God name—when a free publication that writes for and about Jewish causes sinks to the level of engaging in the shaming of an entire percentile of the Jewish population by refusing to acknowledge their lives, their lifestyles, their life cycles, and their existence.

We should not read about a gay union just as much as we should not read about Jews who belong to egalitarian synagogues, Jews who do not keep kosher, and Jews who do not engage in the core Mitzvah of “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18).

Sincerely,

Jonah
Rabbinical Student, Jewish Theological Seminary 2015

Goldberg posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:42 PM

Under New Jersey law, same-sex couples can enter a civil union, which grants them all the legal rights and obligations of marriage at the state level.  It is shameful that this newspaper would seek to accomodate a vocal minority of readers whose values run counter to the majority of Jewish denominations (and the majority of Jews in the US) as well as to discriminate against same-sex couples whose unions are legally sanctioned in the State of New Jersey.

Hershl posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:45 PM

Your newspaper has set a new low for American Jewish journalism.

While I am happy to learn that you want to be sensitive to those in your community who are bigoted and exclusionist,  I wonder whether you even care about the rest of us, the majority, who welcome the announcement of love and commitment between two members of the Jewish community?

You are making news in ways that you might never have anticipated.

http://jewishdailyreport.wordpress.com/2010/10/04/nj-jewish-paper-bows-to-bigots/

RT posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:46 PM

Every day people reach out to me to tell me about the pain and consternation homophobia causes lesbian, gay, and bisexual people.  Maybe you should apologize for writing this offensive apology.

Jesse posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:48 PM

Backpedalling on this issue will only exacerbate the problem. Bowing to the pressure of religious fundamentalists alienates those in the Jewish community who view marriage rights as a civil rights issue. This editorial is an insult and pretending that it will somehow reduce divisiveness is a foolish delusion.

Penny posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:52 PM

By apologizing to the homophobic and ignorant you are spreading hate. What if the New York Times apologized to the KKK and all of it’s readers for publishing a jewish marriage taking place and promised never to do it again so as not to ‘cause pain and consternation’ to the good white Christian men of the KKK.

You’ve just told every single person who loves another person of the same sex that they are wrong and that the world doesn’t want to know that they exist. But why stop there? We can’t have this group of Rabbis feel bad. Maybe we should round up all the gay’s and put them somewhere that they can’t be seen at all. Maybe a camp somewhere.

Garcia posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:55 PM

Doesn’t this decision betray your mission statement?:

“TO PROVIDE a forum for members of the community.

The Jewish Standard is not affiliated with any program, organization, movement, or point of view, but is dedicated to giving expression to all phases of Jewish life.

The Jewish Standard is independent; it is committed to Jewish continuity and to Israel and America’s well-being.”

Meir posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:56 PM

I echo Matthew ’s succinctly expressed opinion regarding the Standard’s unfortunate reversal of a brave and well-reasoned decision to print the Smolen/Rosen wedding announcement. I grew up in Bergen County, and my own adolescence and coming-out process as a gay man would have been unimaginably easier had I seen such examples of same-sex love and commitment in the local Jewish newspaper. I urge the Standard not to give in to “the pain and consternation” of one segment of the community at the risk of causing even more pain to another segment. In any case, calling these two groups “separate” is foolish, for by now we know very well that there are gay and lesbian people within the Orthodox community as well—some of whom may have been delighted to see this wedding announcement printed in the Standard, despite the protestations of the Orthodox leadership.

BS posted 04 Oct 2010 at 07:56 PM

Great, so a bunch of religious fundamentalists pressured a newspaper into discriminating against gays.  Do you guys have an Afghani edition by the way

Solomon posted 04 Oct 2010 at 08:01 PM

I am appalled that The Jewish Standard would cave in the face of prejudiced bullying. I understand that same-sex partnership is seen as a “hot-button issue” especially within religious communities, but to say that a simple and unadorned announcement of the joyous union of two children of Israel causes “pain” to those who would rather have these two young men live out their lives alone or in unhappy and unhealthy heterosexual marriages is completely backwards. What is painful is that such couples who want nothing more than to live happy and observant Jewish lives with a loving and supportive partner continue to have to hide from and within our communities for fear of setting off a “firestorm” merely by existing as they are.

We as a people have to stop giving in to the right wing Orthodox just because they threaten and throw tantrums when the rest of us do not conform to their vision of how Judaism should look, and dare to have our own ideas about what we value as Jews and as ethical human beings in a confusing world. The more we give in, the more this minority gains the control to dictate where and how the rest of us worship. who is and is not allowed to live and celebrate lifecycle events in Israel, right down to who is and is not Jewish. I personally am not willing to quietly sit by while that happens.

Michael posted 04 Oct 2010 at 08:02 PM

I read items in newspapers all the time that cause me “pain and consternation.”  My solution?  Turn the page!

Jewish same-sex weddings aren’t going to stop just because you now refuse to announce them.  Your decision is short-sighted, discriminatory, and ultimately, cowardly.  Score one for intolerance, zero for journalistic independence.  For shame!

A.R. posted 04 Oct 2010 at 08:08 PM

It’s such a shame that this publication has gone from joining members of their community in celebrating their joyous occasions to pandering to a crowd of isolated, insular, intolerant, and selfish fanatics.  This move has shown that certain sectors of the community are more valued than others.  I personally find this decision sad, frustrating, and painful.

Rabbi Wendy Ungar posted 04 Oct 2010 at 08:16 PM

Since The Standard has decided that it is only for “certain” Jews, I hope that everyone else chooses to no longer patronize your newspaper.

Bradley posted 04 Oct 2010 at 08:17 PM

Does the Jewish Standard publish announcements of interfaith marriages or is the Jewish paper of Northern New Jersey unwelcoming to those couples as well?  More importantly, how does Rebecca have time to even write this when she should be home having kids and baking challah?

Tammy posted 04 Oct 2010 at 08:17 PM

I’m saddened to read such news that you will no longer run ‘such’ announcements. I am proud and happy to know many a gay couple and my life will continue to be so much more enlightening and gratifying with them in my life and with your publication out of it.

Bob posted 04 Oct 2010 at 08:17 PM

Your editorial is shameful. These narrowminded rabbis are causing serious “pain and consternation” to gay and lesbian Jews and to lots of other Jews who care deeply about their gay friends and family members. Why do the loudest bigots get to dictate the standards of a newspaper?

James mace posted 04 Oct 2010 at 08:20 PM

Maybe you shouldn’t post ANY life-cycle events.  That wouldn’t work, would it?  This pressured discrimination comes from a minority that has made it their personal mission to disconnect more than 80% of all Jews who do not subscribe to their way.  I will no longer read your post.

John posted 04 Oct 2010 at 08:23 PM

Striving to bring a community together by treating a segment of the community as lepers—exiling them to the outskirts of the city, and declaring them as unclean.  Good luck.

It wasn’t your publication of the announcement that is driving the community apart, it is those who are complaining that they are being forced to look upon the unclean, and your bowing to their wishes to treat the unclean as if they don’t exist, that is driving the community apart.

Yaakov   posted 04 Oct 2010 at 08:28 PM

I hope that the editorial staff decides to reverse their decision. As an observant Jew, I am always overjoyed to hear of the simcha of any two people uniting in love.

Please reverse your decision and continue to run same-sex announcements!

Mickey posted 04 Oct 2010 at 08:31 PM

If you don’t like same-sex weddings, I have three words for you:  DON’T HAVE ONE!

Rabbi David Greenstein posted 04 Oct 2010 at 08:32 PM

t

The decision of The Jewish Standard to refrain from publishing announcements of sam-sex marriages in the Jewish community is shameful. It perpetuates the stigmatization of members of our community, with all the known results of emotional and real physical harm this causes.
It does so in order to placate another segment of the community that claims that it feels consternation to read about such events. But the assymetry of the claims of these two groups is blatant. No reputable newspaper tries to limit its coverage to stories that make everyone happy. Indeed, we all know that many things happen in the Jewish community that cause consternation to other groups. Such discomfort is the necessary corollary of living in a pluralistic world. Frankly, reading that some Orthodox rabbis objected to the marriage announcement causes great consternation to me – a rabbi who is overjoyed that the marriage took place. Would you consider not reporting their objection so as not to cause me, and the many, many other committed Jews who feel as I do, terrible consternation?
On the other hand, the erasure from its pages of the life-cycle events of one group of Jews supports the perpetuation of real-life suffering and misery and – read the recent newspapers – even death.
Until such time that the The Jewish Standard decides to become the official newspaper of only a certain segment of the Jewish community it is obligated to report the events in the entire community fairly and inclusively.

shira posted 04 Oct 2010 at 08:52 PM

As Jews, we have always been commited to advocating for human rights, and giving respect to all.  The Standard should represent all aspects of the Jewish world, and give the same opportunities for all Jewish couples who want to announce the joy of their upcoming marraiges. I am ashamed that the Standard (which is supposed to represent all viewpoints), would take this backwards step.  Human beings are being hurt here.  I respect Orthodox Jews for living in the manner that is appropriate for them, and that respect should be given to all in the Jewish community.

M posted 04 Oct 2010 at 08:59 PM

As a friend to the couple, a queer ally, and a committed Jew, I am insulted and disgusted by this decision. The decision of these two young men to commit to each other and to build a Jewish family is one worth celebrating, and I am disturbed that you would bow to the opinions of small minded bigots who cannot see its value. If we are truly to grow and thrive in this country, it behooves us to move with the winds of history, which are blowing increasingly towards tolerance.

Sid posted 04 Oct 2010 at 09:09 PM

So you are simply valueing the “deep sensitivities” of some Jews over others. Not a very ethical decision, is it?

Sennesh posted 04 Oct 2010 at 09:25 PM

Have you not read or heard about all the teen suicides these past few weeks? They were all the result of bullying, and being made to feel that they were lesser humans because of their sexual orientation.  A person’s sexual orientation is a gift from G-d, not some perverse medical condition.  The true mitzvah would be to continue to announce these wonderful life cycle events until they ceased to seem “wrong” to some members of the community. They are the ones that need education and to find their truly loving hearts.

LR posted 04 Oct 2010 at 09:43 PM

What a shande. By allowing this segment of your readership the power to prevent you from reporting that these events occur, you’ve left behind your journalistic role and moved into acting as an apparatus of social ostracism. It’s so incredibly disingenuous to say that you’re making this decision to allow for greater unity when in fact your decision means the wholesale exclusion of LGBT Jews. This action can only be construed as “drawing the community together” if you believe that LGBT Jews don’t belong in the first place; that “some [Jews] are more equal than others.” Shame on you. Such behavior does not deserve the name of “The Jewish Standard.”

joan posted 04 Oct 2010 at 09:44 PM

It caused people pain? I feel pain every time I see an ad for a non-kosher restaurant in your publication because it means that Jews are going to eat non-kosher. I also feel pain everytime you advertise an event on shabbat because it means that Jews might not observe shabbat. Will you take note of my pain and refrain from advertising anything that violates halachic Judaism?

Sam posted 04 Oct 2010 at 09:49 PM

I feel so horrible for the “pain and consternation” experienced by members of the Haredi community.  How about the “pain and consternation” experienced by traditional LGBT Jews who feel invisible and alienated on a daily basis!?

I think you need to change the name of your newspaper to “The Jewish Double Standard”…

Feldman posted 04 Oct 2010 at 10:00 PM

This is in direct contradiction to your mission statement, in which you say that you are not affiliated with any movement or point of view and that you are dedicated to giving expression to all phases of Jewish life. You have betrayed your own standards, let alone the trust of those non-traditional Jews who were also your readers, and you should be ashamed.

What is divisive? Refusing to acknowledge the joyous life-cycle events of non-traditional Jews, simply because traditional Jews don’t want to see or hear anything about them.

What are you communicating about the sensitivities and suffering of Jews? The sensitivities and suffering of traditional Jews, though such announcements affect them only indirectly, are more important than the sensitivities and suffering of traditionally marginalized Jews who may be driven away from the Jewish community entirely from such treatment.

Why is the pain of traditional Jews who are simply seeing an engagement announcement of which they disapprove valued above the pain of those who want to share their joy with those in their community who may wish to celebrate with them? If your management and/or editorial staff are not biased, then, at the very least, you’ve kowtowed to those who are.

You are not “drawing the community together.”

You’re silencing those who are different and making them feel less welcome.

Rabbi Bernard Spielman posted 04 Oct 2010 at 10:18 PM

Dear Jewish Standard,
Conservative and Reform Jews recognize that gay individuals are also “created in the image of God”. They also have feelings and needs like the rest of us. They and their families actually experience pain inflicted upon them by such opinions and editorial policies as yours when you deny their humanity in the same way that the Germans did when they put them in concentration camps. In the State of Israel gay parades are permitted.but you would deny them even a joyful announcement in your paper. Please reconsider.
Rabbi Bernard Spielman.

Juliet Barr posted 04 Oct 2010 at 10:20 PM

To the editors of the Jewish Standard:

As a long time subscriber of the Jewish Standard, I was deeply saddened to read your apology to printing an announcement of engagement in a recent issue.

How disappointing it is for me to know that I can not announce my own family’s simchas without knowing that I may face censorship by your newspaper—this causes me “great pain and consternation.”

Knowing that we are all created “B’Tzelem Elohim,”  in G-d’s image, and that in every community we pray for and strive for Shalom… peace and completeness, I cannot believe you have allowed a group of our own people to marginalize another group of our own people.

I hope you will reconsider your decision and perhaps consult with other members of our community who would share a clearer perspective on our wonderful, multi-faceted religion.

Kerry  posted 04 Oct 2010 at 10:29 PM

And yet you choose to cut off those Jews who celebrate same-sex relationships. I don’t just mean Jews IN same-sex relationships, but all those who celebrate them.

If we look at CA, 83% of Jews voted against Prop 8, meaning 83% of Jews were committed
if not to acceptance of marriage for gay and lesbian people, at least to tolerance.
I believe through this decision you are hurting more people by insulting the Judaism of these 83%. The 27% may be more vocal, but the “Standard” of the Jewish community is clearly with the 83%.

Jewish law itself teaches us to go with the majority in almost all cases.

By going with the minority, and refusing to publish these celebrations, I believe you are
doing something very UN-Jewish both for traditional and ethical reasons.

Rachel Jane posted 04 Oct 2010 at 10:32 PM

I am deeply upset at your decision to not include simachs like the one you so admirably posted last week. I am confused as to how this publication thought that it would bring together the Jewish community rather than push it away when they were so deeply influenced by one sect of Judaism, that being Orthodox. What the Jewish standard failed to consider, is the accepting and supportive views of homosexuality that many Reformed, Reconstructionist and Conservative Jews support. This decision only promotes one theory of thought while neglecting THREE others. In an age where there is an epidemic of gay teens committing suicide (including ones in places where the Jewish Standard is delivered, like Ridgewood NJ), this publication has a social responsibility to help people who feel ostracized and unaccepted rather than push them away. However, the views that created your decision are not ones that I am proud to promote as a Jew. This decision will not ‘bring the community together’ as it is intended. I am hurt and ashamed by your actions and I feel that you as a publication should reconsider your decision and speak with all of the Reformed, Reconstructionist, Conservative, and GLBT Jews who may think differently on this matter.

Ronstrom posted 04 Oct 2010 at 10:34 PM

It is such an incredible insult to think a newspaper would censor itself based on pressure from certain homophobic members of the community. I hope this reaction to such censorship, and to the recent suicides of gay children due to isolation, harrassment, abuse, and social shunning will make you reconsider your misguided, shortsighted decision.

SM posted 04 Oct 2010 at 10:39 PM

How sad that you caved to those who are intolerant.  You are now causing “pain and consternation” to the rest of us in the Jewish community who do not want to believe that our religion is hateful and bigoted.  Shame on you.

—————————————————-

Dear Editor,

Your decision to discontinue the publishing of same-sex engagements/marriage is both cowardly and unimpressive. The so called ‘pain’ of those opposed is a mask to encourage and promote sinas chinam. The pain of all Jewish LGBT people and friends/family is greater than you give credit for. To be shunned and hidden, to feel invisible and inferior is a far greater pain than the ‘pain’ of bigots.

Maybe you’re afraid that you will lose majority of your readers, but what ever happened to integrity? What ever happened to doing the right thing despite what people will think? To being stronger than the weak and narrow-minded. To promote tolerance and love. To be a leader instead of being a victim to your ‘numbers’.

It’s such a shame that people who are in the position to take a stand and have their voices heard choose to silence themselves and others hiding behind excuses that ooze fear and weakness.

I hope you will soon see what a big mistake and misjudgment this is on your part.

Gene posted 04 Oct 2010 at 10:44 PM

“The Jewish Standard has always striven to draw the community together, rather than drive its many segments apart. We have decided, therefore, since this is such a divisive issue, not to run such announcements in the future.”

This is not the reason why announcements of same-sex marriages are not to be published.  The decision not to publish these announcements in the future drives away a segment of the community, excluding a group in favor of pacifying the complaints of another.

“we did not expect the volume of comments we have received, many of them against our decision to run the announcement, but many supportive as well.”

There are members of the community who support the publication of this announcement as well as those who do not.  It is possible that those who are in support of same-sex marriage are more willing to remain quiet and not complain than those who do not.  That, however, is no reason to assume that by refusing to publish future announcements you will not be dividing the community.

The announcement made some people happy while others were upset.  To not publish these announcements in the future says that those who were supportive of this couple’s intent to marry are, at best, less important members of the community you wish to draw together more tightly.  The decision to not print future announcements divides the community just as clearly as did publishing it in the first place.  If your intent was to draw the community together, you failed, and must for the sake of the community try again.

Hershl posted 04 Oct 2010 at 10:46 PM

I never knew that the NJ Jewish Standard existed until you distinguished yourself by banning gay and lesbian civil union announcements.

Good for you. Now you are famous around the world, thanks to the net, as the number one Jewish organ for hate and intolerance in New Jersey.

Clever marketing ploy. Now all the bigots will subscribe.

http://jewishdailyreport.wordpress.com/2010/10/04/nj-jewish-paper-bows-to-bigots/

Alexis posted 04 Oct 2010 at 11:04 PM

One step forward, two steps back. Shame on you.

Lori posted 04 Oct 2010 at 11:14 PM

Dear Friends,

If you did not expect the volume of comments you received on this issue, you are woefully out of tough with the true tenor of the times. I am sorry to hear that you have elected not to run such announcements in the future. It is an indicator that you have no intention of drawing the community together, but fully intend to pander to voices of bigotry and prejudice. I am saddened by your decision.

Melissa posted 04 Oct 2010 at 11:17 PM

I wholeheartedly agree with Mr. Meltzer’s comment above.  My Jewish upbringing taught me to be inclusive and not just tolerant but celebratory of differences.  This statement is outrageous and shameful as a reflection on the Jewish community.

Alan posted 04 Oct 2010 at 11:22 PM

Your decision is reprehensible.  It is said that when there are two Jews there are three opiniions. I didn’t know that the opinion of one group would discount the feelings and opinions of another within the Jewish community.  You state “The Jewish Standard has always striven to draw the community together, rather than drive its many segments apart.”  Your decision not to run announcements of this sort will be divisive to the community as a whole while solidifying one right wing view.

Rachel posted 04 Oct 2010 at 11:26 PM

As a former Teaneck resident I was delighted to see how progressive and open-minded the Standard had suddenly become by announcing a gay marriage.  I am deeply disappointed by their retraction.  It greatly devalues my estimation of the paper.  I certainly would never consider placing an announcement in it from now on!

Rachel posted 04 Oct 2010 at 11:33 PM

I do not think I can adequately express how disgusted I am by this decision.  As one of the most oppressed groups in history—a group targeted over and over by violence, excluded, scape goated, hated—one would think the Jewish people would have developed an acute empathy for those who continue to suffer at the hand of small mindedness.  And I think, for the most part, one would be correct.  But not in this case.  This is a cowardly pathetic, backwards, and hypocritical step for a group of Jews to take.  The world has continually sought to marginalize the Jews for no reason other than fear.  So now a group of Jews has the gall to do the same?

You claim you are striving to draw the community together.  So you make the deliberate choice to exclude active members of your community because of their sexual orientation, their genetic makeup. What an excellent exhibit of togetherness. An excellent example for the rest of this hateful, prejudiced world.

Eli Kaplan posted 04 Oct 2010 at 11:39 PM

It happened just a few days ago, in this newspaper’s home state:  A boy jumped off a bridge into the Hudson because society made it clear to him that being gay is too far out of the norm for him to be treated with respect.

Can such an event not teach us that the least we can do is welcome gay individuals as part of our community?

Are we as Jews going to set such an example to the world – cutting people out of our circle?

Is that our new standard?

Alexandr posted 04 Oct 2010 at 11:42 PM

You have chosen to make this a divisive issue and you have chosen your side.  Gay teens around the country are being bullied to death and you have chosen to embrace homophobia.  All gays will always be welcome in my home.  The Jewish Standard…not so much.

Pollak posted 04 Oct 2010 at 11:46 PM

Your reaction to the Orthodox cries of hurt feelings seems typical to me. We all back down to them as if they hear God better than the rest of us poor Jews. I don’t buy it and gay Jews certainly don’t either. You shouldn’t report news of the community as if the gays don’t exist. We can’t all live in a bubble world like the Orthodox. It’s a big world out there and gays are not shadow people and they can hear God as well as the Orthodox. So you should hear the gays and let them speak in your paper too. Unless, that is, there is more you don’t say—perhaps the people complaining are threatening nonsupport of your paper? If so then say so and be honest. Money is always at the root of most injustice it seems.

LL posted 04 Oct 2010 at 11:49 PM

The headlines are full of the numerous lgbtq youth who have committed suicide in the past few weeks, and we wonder why. Could it be because the public institutions of our society, faith and community – like The Standard – choose to send a message over and over that it is acceptable to affirm discrimination? As a member of the Jewish community, I don’t know how you can call yourself Jews – and embrace the tenants of tikkun olum- and yet make a decision like this. You are worried about “the pain” you have caused a group of orthodox rabbis by sharing a happy announcement of a marriage. The Standard should consider the pain of people who are living as second class citizens in this country…something that Jews have unfortunately experienced and should be fighting against.  It is time for us all to acknowledge the responsibility we share in these tragic and preventable deaths.

Bati posted 04 Oct 2010 at 11:59 PM

For the Jewish Standard to support the shaming of gay Jews is a shonda. How cowardly to knuckle under to pressure from one segment of the Jewish community. What is that segment afraid of—that their children will see what is already commonplace in this country; that is, that people who identify as the same gender can marry and/or have a formalized partnership? Wouldn’t it be better for those who object to these announcements to let their children ask them questions than to have same-sex partnership be something they can’t talk to their parents about? From whom, then, will they learn about it? In addition, with the current crop of gay teen suicides in the news, don’t you understand that shame can be fatal? Some percentage of Jewish people are gay. That’s the reality. It’s time to accept it, and our gay brothers and sisters, and move on. Remember ahavat Israel, people?

Rachelle posted 05 Oct 2010 at 12:11 AM

I would ask that the editors reconsider their decision.  Would you stop posting announcements about events on Friday nights and Saturdays just because they did not comply with Orthodox practices on Shabbat?  The truth is that the stance against gay marriage is a fundamentalist opinion.  Your decision to publicly refuse to publish gay marriage announcements is far more alienating to mainstream and secular Jews.  I live in Los Angeles.  I learned of this horrible decision on facebook.  It was forwarded to me by another Jew who lives in California.  Your decision will continue to have negative reverberations even if you decide to make a “separate but equal” accommodation.

Terri posted 05 Oct 2010 at 12:13 AM

As a Jewish woman, Jewish educator and a mom of kids straight and gay, I am disappointed that this publication would purport to represent Jewish values while disenfranchising a significant portion of Klal Yisrael. Shame on you.

Ray posted 05 Oct 2010 at 12:18 AM

Can it be that the editor is apologizing for letting people know that two members of the community love each other and want to share the simcha of their plan to wed?  The editorial apology completely ignores the pain caused by deliberately throwing LGBT people under the bus in some quest for community harmony.

If the new litmus test is whether traditional or Orthodox leaders experience “pain and consternation” from an announcement, then the Standard needs to make some other changes, too.  First, amend the statement of purpose, which currently says, “The Jewish Standard is not affiliated with any . . . movement, or point of view, but is dedicated to giving expression to all phases of Jewish life.”  Simply add: “except gay people’s Jewish lives, which do not count.”  Second, ask for Orthodox permission before publishing other parts of the Standard, too.  Does the ordination of women rabbis alienate traditional leaders?  Then just stop telling your readers that it happens!

Or try another approach:  Publish the happy announcements (and the objections from people who are afraid of, or pained by, others’ joy).  Or at least apologize to the people whose lives are actually affected by your decision, rather than to bystanders who were not invited to the wedding.

Elaine posted 05 Oct 2010 at 12:23 AM

I am very sorry to hear that you have reversed your original decision.  In doing so, you have chosen to hurt those who are often marginalized and most need our support.  Jews of all peoples should understand that, regardless of their personal views.

A Disappointed Jew posted 05 Oct 2010 at 12:27 AM

The way to move towards inclusion and pluralism is not to sweep bigotry and hate under the table.  This is a despicable decision on the part of the editorial staff.  Cloaking hate in the speech of pluralism is absolutely unacceptable and a complete farse.  Let’s call a spade a spade.  This is straight up bigotry.  If these Orthodox Rabbis actually want pluralism, they’ll put on their big boy pants and turn the other cheek.  Or, if they want Jewish continuity, as they say they do, they’ll wake up and smell the roses and include gay Jews in their communities.  Welcome to the 21st century!

Carl  posted 05 Oct 2010 at 12:35 AM

I find your paper’s stance to be unprincipled.  If the wedding that you are asked to announce is a legal union in your state, then it is discriminatory to refuse to publish a notice—even if the basis of the discrimination is religious faith.  In this case, there are rabbis on both sides.  Your decision to refrain from publicizing gay Jewish unions is taking sides in a Jewish cultural conflict.  I urge you to reconsider it.

Zachary posted 05 Oct 2010 at 12:39 AM

Dear Ms. Boroson,
I’m sure you’ve received a flood of emails following your editorial earlier today, and I do hope that you’ll take the time to read mine as well.  As a young, recently out Jew, I consider myself lucky to have been raised in a familial and Jewish community where a “gentleman’s agreement” to keep my sexuality private seemed destined for the history books, not the newspapers.  Imagine my disappointment to find that the Jewish Standard was kow-towing to a minority of the Jewish community behind the polite semantics of wishing not to appear divisive.
To me (and many others, I’m sure), the Jewish community has always been one that works to include and care for all of its members.  As one kehillah, we applaud our philanthropists and shun only our most sinister evil-doers; after all, “a Jew is a Jew.”  Yet you have determined, through rescinding the marriage advertisement, which Jewish voices fit within the cannon of Judaism, and which ones shall be cast out.  How can you, as the authority for a newspaper that claims to unite diverse branches of Judaism, make such a judgment call?
I have never been faced with a choice between my religion and my sexuality.  Perhaps I have lived a charmed life where Jewish avenues in which I participate either avoid making judgment calls, or make ones that specifically make me feel more welcome.  But as a Jew who aspires to marry Jewish, raise Jewish children in a Jewish home and synagogue, and works full time for the Jewish movement, you have offered me little hope.  I sincerely wish that this is not indicative of all multi-denominational organizations out there, and that, as you hope, this will be an issue that can unite Jews one day soon, and not divide them.

Sincerely yours,

Zachary

Rabbi Sue Fendrick posted 05 Oct 2010 at 12:48 AM

This decision is beyond baffling and is causing “pain and consternation” among concerned Jews around the world!

The Jewish Standard is not a partisan political or ideological organ for one segment of the Jewish community. In a time of high rates of intermarriage, and enduring homophobia, two Jews of the same sex want to commit their lives to each other, in a way sanctioned by all but the Orthodox segments of the Jewish community? How can the Jewish newspaper of record *not* publish such an announcement?

It is ironic that you use the word “pain” twice in your short retraction, given how deeply painful it is to GLBT Jews, their friends and families and people who care about them, that their lives are not visible in our communities and publications. It is just that invisibility and lack of validation—a sense that there is no future for them—that leads young gays and lesbians to attempt or commit suicide. Make no mistake about it—THIS is causing pain.

How this decision will avoid confronting a divisive issue is beyond me. Both the content and process of the decision are deeply embarrassing. Jewish same-sex weddings and unions are happening. To exclude those announcements is to say that the paper is controlled by Orthodox concerns. Once the standard is “must not cause pain and consternation to the Orthodox rabbinate”, you will quickly find yourself with a very different paper.

I urge you to reconsider your position.

Geoffrey posted 05 Oct 2010 at 12:49 AM

Dear Editorial Staff.
As you have heard in other comments: Reportage is Reportage. To announce a same sex union/marriage is not an opinion. One can not disclaim a fact. If it is raining, and the rain offends someone, would you put a disclaimer on your weather report? I suggest in the future that you print what is reportable, and let the “offended parties” look to themselves.

Yossi  posted 05 Oct 2010 at 12:55 AM

The decision not to run such announcements in the future will serve to divide the community just as much as the decision to continue to run them would have. Speaking as an Orthodox Jew myself, I am very perturbed to hear about your caving to bigotry in the name of my sub-culture.
Your editorial staff should be making decisions that they themselves believe are ethical, rather than relying on the ethics of their readership.

Rebecca posted 05 Oct 2010 at 01:14 AM

Your disregard of the pain and consternation of the LGBTQ community and their supporters is a SIN. Your thoughtlessness in the matter is making a larger breach in the community— GLBTQ Jews benefit so much more from seeing themselves accepted than the ultraOrthodox “suffer” from seeing a marriage announcement. Your decision to no longer announce gay weddings, which mirrors actions of so many bigots out there, demeans members of the community who need our support more than ever. Your mission statement says that you are “dedicated to giving expression to all phases of Jewish life”— clearly only when it doesn’t insult the extremists! You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Harry posted 05 Oct 2010 at 01:20 AM

t

The upcoming marriage of Justin Rosin and Avi Smolen is unquestionably “news of Jewish interest” that deserves to be printed in your pages. The decision to suppress marriage announcements of same-sex Jewish couples is a morally inadequate one. If the Jewish Standard is, as it claims to be, a publication that represents the Jewish voice of Northern New Jersey, its decision to silence its members does injury to that voice and to the publication’s reputation.

The suppression of this news distorts the reality of the contemporary Jewish world. Non-recognition of homosexual members of our congregations, counselors at our Jewish summer camps, and pupils at our Jewish day schools does not protect Jewish values; it impoverishes Jewish discourse. If Judaism is to survive in America as a serious system of ethical thought, it must engage critically with the cultural and technological changes which define our reality.

The Jewish Standard should print announcements like this one for a compelling moral reason. By silencing the announcement of the marriages of gay Jews, we prevent gay Jews from appearing in public. By silencing the voices of gay Jewish adults, we put young Jews who are developing their sexual identities at risk by depriving them of role models. Demonstrating their life-long commitment to Jewish life, service, and learning, Avi and Justin are certainly such role models.

The Jewish Standard’s editorial explaining its decision demonstrated that the opinions of some Orthodox members of the community about homosexuality compelled its decision to exclude homosexual members of the community from the public forum. By submitting to the “sensitivities” of the Orthodox establishment, the Jewish Standard deprives developing Jewish young people from envisioning happy Jewish lives in a way consistent with their sexual orientations. I fervently hope that the Jewish Standard will reverse its decision to perpetuates the exclusion of some members of the Jewish community. This act of exclusion has truly caused pain.

Mazal tov to Justin and Avi.

Hershl Goodman posted 05 Oct 2010 at 01:29 AM

Before this stunning display of bigotry I had never heard of the NJ Jewish Standard even though I grew up in NJ.

Now I hope that I never hear of it again.

http://jewishdailyreport.wordpress.com/2010/10/04/nj-jewish-paper-bows-to-bigots/

Alex posted 05 Oct 2010 at 01:29 AM

Shame on you.  Seeing things you disagree with in the paper is not “pain and suffering.”  By that logic, I’m sure whites in Selma felt a good deal of “pain and suffering” when they were forced to watch black people eat at their lunch counters, too.

Adam posted 05 Oct 2010 at 01:47 AM

Dear Jewish Daily Standard,

You’re stupid.

With the love that dare not speak its name (and is agenda-ed to destroy the world!),
Adam

John Murphy posted 05 Oct 2010 at 01:54 AM

I am so disappointed to here you have decided to continue to make gay people invisible again.  How appalling and said for you and your readers.  One day you will look back on this and be shamed by being on the wrong side of this issue!

Aaron S posted 05 Oct 2010 at 01:55 AM

I am a member of the orthodox community, but I must say that those Rabbis DO NOT represent me. This is a horrible decision by the editors of this newspaper, and I hope they decide to reverse it. Our Jewish community will always have its disagreements and differences, but we cannot allow the preferences of some to override those of others. There is enough room in our Jewish tent for a whole world of diversity, and it’s horribly upsetting to see a newspaper that claims to represent the community decide that it is their policy to do the opposite.

I’m not sure if I can expect there to be any change, but I can say that until further notice, I have no plans to read this newspaper ever again, and would gladly support a competitor that would take its place.

Anonymous, because you’ll call me a bigot too posted 05 Oct 2010 at 02:00 AM

I support your decision to abstain from publishing such announcements in the future.

Publishing announcements of this nature are akin to publishing statements about Jews proudly eating pork or watching Saturday morning cartoons. While we know that Jews break Jewish law, it is not the business of a Jewish newspaper to proclaim it from the rooftops.

I applaud your newspaper not bending to pressure from the left wing of Judaism that is more sensitive to being politically correct than to being halachic Jews.

That being said, you need to be consistent. You can’t publish events held on Shabbos or Yom Tov and run ads from non-Kosher restaurants and expect that people won’t throw that in your face at the selective adherence to Jewish law.

Ken posted 05 Oct 2010 at 02:25 AM

You are a Northern New Jersey paper. A Rutgers student jumped off the George Washington Bridge in pain last week and you are apologizing to the Orthodox for any pain you might have caused by allowing a gay couple to announce its simcha? Are you mad????? What pain? Did it hurt their poor Orthodox eyeballs to see gay people failing to have anonymous gay sex in the back of a gay movie theater like good little sinners? What was it about this couple’s happiness that was so painful to the Orthodox? What next? Will it hurt the poor Orthodox people to see a wedding between a Cohen and a divorcee? A Lubavitch and a Satmar? A wedding officiated by a Reform rabbi? One with inadequately kosher food? One involving a non-Orthodox convert? You so worried about causing the Orthodox pain, don’t announce simchas at all.

I just can’t get over it. The very week a gay student in your own backyard kills himself in pain you apologize to the Orthodox for allowing some gay people a moment’s respite from pain. Sick, twisted and shameful. I urge you to retract this ugly decision immediately.

laura posted 05 Oct 2010 at 02:32 AM

The Jewish people have had a long, proud legacy of both existing on the margins of society and of defending those people who occupy the margins along with us.

Refusing to publish queer marriage announcements in this publication is a travesty, a betrayal of our commitment to social justice and tikkun olam, and ultimately, an act of cowardice.

It is times like these that I remember it is more important for certain members of my community to exclude people like me in order to close ranks; I’m sorry that’s the case, because every time you make this decision you will deprive the Jewish community of some of its most observant, committed, lively, engaged, and passionate members.

Mark posted 05 Oct 2010 at 02:36 AM

Your wrong-headed apology reminded me of our Seder plate, which for many years has included an orange next to the shank bone and bitter herbs. Someone reads a short paragraph about prejudice against gay people, then urges everyone to eat a slice of orange and “spit out the seeds of homophobia.”

What’s significant is that this custom wasn’t started by a gay person, but by an older straight couple. It has now been passed on to their many children and grandchildren. Perhaps you and your rabbis with “deep sensitivities” should consider an addition to your Passover rituals next year.

Richard posted 05 Oct 2010 at 02:47 AM

So you will not again announce the impending nuptials of two Jews of the same sex because I, another Jew, might not approve?  Will you also not announce the election of Jews to public office unless I supported them?  Do you ignore the conviction of that goniff Bernie Madoff because it’s a shanda and the goyim might possibly read of it in your paper?  The logic here is nebulous.  The spinelessness is apparent.

Erez posted 05 Oct 2010 at 02:47 AM

t

This statement is an embarrassment to Jews everywhere. The complete lack of sensitivity demonstrated less than a week after a gay teen committed suicide in NJ over bullying and harassment is utterly repulsive.

Ben posted 05 Oct 2010 at 03:04 AM

To the editor:

You’ve done a great job publicizing your periodical. You see, before today, I had never read the New Jersey Jewish Standard. Your new editorial policy has been “going viral” today among some of the Jewish students here on campus, and it would have gotten quite a laugh for backwardness if it weren’t about such a serious issue.

I’m a Jewish—and gay—college student, and I’m writing to express my disappointment in your new editorial policy of excluding same-sex wedding announcements.

Simply “not [running] such announcements in the future” does not make the issue less divisive or make the problem go away. It only further alienates gay community members—especially youth. An epidemic of gay youth suicides such as the one our country is experiencing this fall (including the latest in New Jersey) is a tragedy, but not an accident. By including same-sex couples in your announcements, you would show gay youth that they can be Jewish; you would not be complicit in their oppression.

If Jews in New Jersey are getting married, then you should print their announcements. It’s that simple. Unless, of course, you trying to say that same-sex couples aren’t sufficiently Jewish.

I know there are people out there who hold such a view, and I respect that they may still be good people and good Jews. However, that doesn’t mean I would want to read their newsletter. Rest assured that this is both the first and the last time I read your publication—until the policy is reversed.

I trust that your board can find a way to tactfully include same-sex couples equally in the Jewish community.

With great respect but also with great disappointment,
Ben

Melinda  posted 05 Oct 2010 at 03:11 AM

In your mission statement, you proclaim that your aim is to “provide the Jewish communities of Bergen, Hudson, Passaic, and Rockland counties with an indispensable newspaper that will present local, national, and world news of Jewish interest.” Yet today’s statement cheapens these goals. In announcing your decision to refrain from publicizing same-sex wedding announcements, your paper marginalizes members of YOUR community who already experience “pain and consternation.” I hope that your paper reverses its policy and decides to celebrate inclusiveness over bigotry. Until then, you are accomplishing exactly what you claim to fear—you are driving your many segments apart!

I am a young Jewish professional, and this is my first encounter with your publication. I am deeply offended by this apologetic editorial. The traditional/Orthodox community needs to learn that their sensibilities are no more godly than anyone else. Your words have unleashed a rotten stench.

Jeremy posted 05 Oct 2010 at 03:21 AM

I just want to make it known that I, and many others, find this decision discriminatory and offensive.

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• “How on earth can someone else’s simcha cause anyone ‘pain and consternation’? If it does, that person needs therapy.” (slog.thestranger.com)
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Melanie Nathan; 10-04-10-

The other day I was sitting at the orthodontist with my daughter. I waited while she went in to get her braces adjusted. A fourteen year old was sitting next to me speaking on her cell phone. I could not help but over hear the conversation.  She was telling her friend how hard it had been for her at school that day because someone found out / or assumed she was bi-sexual and they were spreading the rumor.  She was talking about her discomfort and the fact that she could not tell her parents.

I asked her to put the phone on hold – a complete stranger.  I said listen I am a lesbian and life is great!  Whomever is giving you a hard time needs to be told by an adult to stop. Here is the telephone number of SPECTRUM – our local LGBT youth and senior safe place – where you can join a group. Call them.

While many celebrities are speaking out against Bullying, in the wake of recent suicides, bullying is happening as we post this!  Let the children and teens know that we have very strong, adept, successful, normal, lives – whether lesbian or gay or queer or transgender.  Those who pronounce us bad are a mere reflection of their own homophobia and misguidance.   Show up and Share!

The It Gets Better project started by Dan Savage has sparked some celebrity interest and has allowed many open and allied friends to make influential moves in fighting this growing problem. Cindi Lauper, Ellen DeGeneres and many more….

We encourage more people to come forward to share their stories as the grass roots and LGBT  bloggers launch a massive anti-bullying campaign, while Republican obstructionist fail to allow legislation to pass that relates to keeping our children safe.

I was moved by the words that Bravo’s Andy Cohen shared with us last week:

Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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Last month I was feeling a little down and impulsively booked a trip with my grown son for a week in Mexico. Running off is one of my favorite ways of coping with the devastation of the break-up of my relationship of 27 years.

Max was on summer break from San Diego State and wasn’t booked for a home game at his job making Kettle Corn at Petco Park for a week. He is the one adult in my immediate family who was available and actually wanted to spend time with me, just me.

We’d settled into our casita in the little fishing village of Sayulita, Nayarit near Puerto Vallarta and were enjoying playing board games, eating street tacos, buying local crafts and surfing.

One afternoon, after spending the morning exploring the jungle paths for remote surf spots, Max came home from a swim at the beach to find me in tears. I told him I missed his other Mom and he gave me a hug and said: “I know how hard this must be, I guess you just have to let it out”.

How on earth did he get so wise? I was relieved he didn’t try to cheer me up or talk me out of my feelings. If I thought I felt proud when I heard him tell another young man out in the water that the woman who just caught a big wave was his Mother… it doesn’t compare to this.

I never know what blessings in life will get thrown at me and on the flip side I never know when the grief and loss will overwhelm me. I’m just grateful to have raised a boy that gets it. I know we were on the right track when my partner and I attended that Lesbians Considering Parenthood workshop all those years ago. We were the first of all our friends to go for it and we were so enamored with our son that we had another boy six years later. It’s been a wild ride, exhausting and fulfilling and everything in between.

When it’s all said and done, I have no regrets. We need more men in the world like my boys, and I am incredibly thankful for the blessing of having them in my life.

© 2010 Robin Lowey (permission to post on LGR granted)

Robin Lowey is the creative mastermind behind the new lesbian website Epochalips – www.epochalips.com. Epochalips is all about the generation of Lesbians who cleared the way for all Lesbian/Gay/Queer/Bi/ Transgender youth , celebrating diversity with amazing writers such as Jewelle Gomez, Monica Palacios and Margie Adam and many others. Epochalips is a cyber environment that empowers and heals, and validates common experiences. You’ll find anything from “Cub’s Corner” to “Ask a Battle Axe” and everything in between. Check us out!

Posted by Melanie Nathan with permission of Robin Lowey.

09/10/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

Iron Chef Cat Cora opened up to People magazine about how her partner and her children went about having their four children. Cat and her partner, Jennifer, used the same sperm donor, fertilized eggs in vitro and then got the other one’s egg implanted in her womb. They also have another child who they aren’t sure which one is the ‘biological’ mom. Which is fine with them for now. There is also one more kid in there, but I can’t keep track. Four is too many for me. I think they are all boys too, which must keep Cat and Jennifer really busy. On a more serious note, Cat also describes how painful the IVF process was; especially when she suffered a miscarriage:

The “shots and shifting hormones” of IVF proved challenging for both women, and Cora reveals she even suffered a miscarriage along the way. “The first three days of the pregnancy were euphoric … This little embryo was growing,” she recalls. “Then I lost the baby. I cried for a week.”

Starting over from scratch “was devastating” and “traumatizing,” but Cora says it ultimately gave her a perspective she wouldn’t have otherwise had. “I honestly think it’s a good thing I got pregnant on the second try.”

So sad. But luckily, Cat was able to get pregnant again. Cat also says that four is the perfect amount of children for her and Jennifer:

“We knew we wanted to have four kids,” Cora explains, “She didn’t want to wait, and she got pregnant quickly. After she did, we decided I shouldn’t wait … It would be easier to raise two young babies together, almost as twins. Jennifer could breastfeed for me when I was on the road.”

She even admits that it was a rocky road for the two mothers in terms of their relationship, when Cat went back to work four weeks after their two sons were born. Thankfully, the two were able to salvage their relationship and keep their loving family intact.

Cat also throws in a political point, when she makes sure that People knows how difficult it is for LGBT couples to ensure that both parents are legally considered to be parents.

“As a same-sex couple, we had to go back and legally adopt them,” she points out. “Even though Nash was her biological son, Jennifer had to adopt him. Same with me and Caje.”

Adding that “there were lots of papers to file and lots of legal expenses,” Cora feels it’s a process that needs to be simplified. “Hopefully someday same-sex couples won’t have to go through all of that,” she adds.

I think it’s great that Cat Cora is opening up to People about what lesbian mom’s go through and how they feel about the process. She doesn’t have to put her life out there and use it to educate people, but she is. I, as a potential future lesbian mom, really appreciate that. Especially since the Southern Chef is loved by people who wouldn’t generally be exposed to the real side of LGBT family life. So go on with your bad self, Cat!

You can read the interview in it’s entirety HERE

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London:- Conservative Crispin Blunt, who is prisons minister in the coalition government has disclosed that he is gay and that he has separated from his wife.

Blunt said he had “decided to come to terms with his homosexuality”. In a statement, he said the move was “difficult” for his family and hoped for their “understanding and support”.

He married Victoria Jenkins in September 1990 in Kensington and they have a son (born August 1994) and daughter (born March 1992). His niece is Golden Globe-award winning actress Emily Blunt^[.  Blunt’s voting record in Parliament had previously been broadly unsympathetic towards gay rights.

He has been MP for Reigate since 1997, before which he served in the Armed Forces for many years.  The 50-year old – a junior minister in the Department of Justice – has two children.

He announced his separation from his wife Victoria in a statement on the Conservative Home website, saying he had “explained the position” to his family. “There is no third party involvement but this is difficult for his immediate and wider family and he hopes for understanding and support for them,” the statement said.

As prisons minister, Mr Blunt is responsible for penal policy and finding savings in the prisons budget as part of this autumn’s departmental spending review.

He hit the headlines last month when he called for rules banning comedy gigs, parties and other recreational events being held in prisons to be relaxed – which No 10 immediately ruled out.

Apparently a local commented – everyone in the local party likes him and it’s a courageous thing to do. It’s really a private matter for him.

By Melanie Nathan
This pattern of anti-gay votes and campaigns leading right to the gay watering hole is becoming too much!

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“Lets have kids  dear!”

Posted by Melanie Nathan

Choosing Children

08.26.10

A letter from Kate Kendell:-

Twenty-five years ago, I was 25 years old and just starting law school at the University of Utah. I was parenting my daughter Emily, who was 4 years old with her mom, and my former partner, Lori. While it was uncommon for LGBT friends in our circle to be planning for parenthood, it did not occur to Lori or me that we were at the forefront of what would be termed the “gayby boom.”

Lori had been a single parent raising the then 1-year-old Emily when we met. We were just living our lives unaware of a sea-change that was just beginning when it came to issues of parenting and our community. While we were living that life, Academy Award-winning filmmaker Deborah “Chas” Chasnoff and her then life and work partner, Kim Klausner, were in the midst of writing, producing, and directing their groundbreaking film documenting this burgeoning movement. Choosing Children captured on celluloid the choice a growing number of lesbians and gay men were making, a choice that seemed both counter-intuitive and revolutionary: to become parents.

Up until this generation, most LGBT folks were parents because they had been in earlier heterosexual marriages or relationships and then divorced and come out, or vice-versa. In doing so many of them faced hostility from family and former spouses and countless numbers lost or gave up any hope for custody of their children.

Beginning in the early 1980s, a new kind of parenting began emerging. Led by lesbians, often in biological partnership with gay men, women began choosing to have children as lesbian-identified parents. Now, 25 short years later, the groundbreaking idea that lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, and transgender folks can also be parents seems, well, not so groundbreaking. In fact, it is now so commonplace that doing so is viewed by some in our community as assimilationist and pedestrian. Gotta love the march of progress.

But of course, what the fight for the right to be both LGBT and a parent is really about is the right to live a fulfilled and authentic life according to what gives joy and satisfaction to each of us. And in 1985 becoming a parent often meant rejection from both one’s family of origin and one’s chosen family in the lesbian or gay community. It also meant maintaining a pretense of heterosexuality or absolute legal vulnerability because almost every state prohibited openly lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people from adopting, and few if any states provided any parental protections. It was a time of very little community or institutional support for you as a parent or for your child as the son or daughter of a queer parent.

Emily will be 30 next year. She is smart, lovely, creative, open-hearted, and generous. I can hardly believe I have a daughter who is near 30 years old. But then I also can hardly believe the progress we have made in the short time my oldest has been alive. Seeing Choosing Children again was inspiring for many reasons but most of all, it made me really stop and appreciate how far we have come and how much we owe those who blazed this trail uncertain of the terrain ahead of them. Filmmakers Chas and Kim, the parents featured in the film, our own founder Donna Hitchens—who provided legal expertise and commentary—did not intend to be pioneers, but they were, and we are all much better off because of the choices they made.

So please join us for the upcoming Choosing Children 25th Anniversary Screening and Reception, a film that is now a crucial and transformative story of our movement. Our evening together promises to be a celebration of how far we have come and a promise to not end our quest until every family is valued and safe.

Sincerely,

Kate Kendell

Choosing Children 25th Anniversary Screening and Reception

Groundbreaking Film Exploring the First Generation of LGBT Parents Celebrates 25th Anniversary

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Film Showing and Reception Set for Sept. 14, 2010

SAN FRANCISCO-  Twenty-five years after its premier, the groundbreaking documentary “Choosing Children”—the first film to explore and chronicle the journey taken by lesbians and gay men to become parents after they came out—will return to the silver screen at the Herbst Theater on Sept. 14 to celebrate its 25^th anniversary.

The landmark film, produced by two Bay Area filmmakers, Academy Award winner Debra Chasnoff and Kim Klausner, was released in 1985, introducing viewers to the first generation of lesbians and gay men who chose to become parents after coming out, and contributed to an expanded definition of family that has since opened the doors for millions of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people to become parents. “Before the early 1980s, it was just assumed that if you came out, you gave up the chance and the right to be a parent,” says Chasnoff. “But a small number of brave lesbians and gay men began to challenge that belief. With “Choosing Children” we wanted to share their stories with the world and inspire others that they, too, could redefine family for themselves.”

Chasnoff and Klausner conducted a nationwide search for lesbian-headed families that were navigating what was then a very new legal, political, and social terrain. Ultimately, they found six families who reflected some of the racial and ethnic diversity of our vibrant communities, and who had “chosen children” in different ways. Their stories provide an intimate look at the challenges and joys faced by this early generation of lesbian and gay parents in their quests to build their families—stories that are still fascinating and relevant today.

“Without the pioneering generation that we were able to capture in “Choosing Children,” none of us would have the rights or opportunities for creating families that we have today,” Klausner says. “It is almost beyond comprehension how much the political and social landscape has changed since we made the film.”

The film poignantly captures some of the important history that has contributed to today’s LGBT family rights victories, including the recent Proposition 8 decision by Judge Vaughn Walker here in California. It is partly why so many community groups are cosponsoring this evening celebration for LGBT families, our allies, prospective parents and others.

One of the arenas where the most significant advances have been made is the legal system.

“The legal advances we have made for our families are nothing short of breathtaking,” says National Center for Lesbian Rights Executive Director Kate Kendell. “These gains are largely due to this early generation of lesbians and gay parents, who charted a previously unseen path in order to become parents and raise children, becoming role models for LGBT people everywhere.”

Many Bay Area organizations are joining together for this community-wide screening and celebration to mark the 25th anniversary of Choosing Children, celebrate all the wonderful children LGBT people are now parenting, and raise funds to permanently preserve this historical gem on DVD. The restored 35 mm film print, courtesy of the OUTFEST Legacy Project and the UCLA Film Archive, was a huge hit at last summer’s Los Angeles Lesbian and Gay Film Festival.

If you’ve never seen Choosing Children, here’s your chance to soak up a delightful piece of our cultural history. If you are planning on having children, you will be inspired by the courageous pioneers in the film who figured out how to bring kids into their lives, co-parent with a same-sex partner, and handle concerns from relatives and schools. If you saw the film “back in the day,” this will be a trip down memory lane (including a rarely heard song by Holly Near) and a special moment to marvel at how much progress we’ve made.

The 25^th Anniversary Screening and Reception includes a viewing, and remarks by Chasnoff, Klausner, and the Honorable Donna Hitchens, founder of the National Center for Lesbian Rights who is featured in the film, and dessert reception The event is presented by the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Groundspark, COLAGE, Frameline, Equality California, Our Family Coalition, and PFLAG to celebrate the advances our movement has made in family law and society, and to raise funds to permanently preserve this historical film on DVD.

TICKET and EVENT INFORMATION

“Choosing Children” 25^th Anniversary Screening and Reception

What: “Choosing Children” 25^th anniversary celebration to raise funds to permanently preserve this historical film on DVD
When: 6:30 p.m. on September 14, 2010 (Program begins at 7 p.m.)
Where: Herbst Theater, 401 Van Ness, San Francisco, CA
Cost: $25 (regular admission); $10 (student admission)

Learn more and order tickets

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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Melanie Nathan; 08-16-10

Many of  our readers have asked that we spread the word.  I only wish there were more we could do, at a time when we must wonder if life means so little especially if a woman?

Given Cultural and religious beliefs one may be apt to think, ‘well that is the way it is;’ however we have seen too much of oppression of women in the name of religion and cultural belief and that is all it is – violence and flagrant  disregard for the lives of women.

Seen often as mere chattels and under command, for a use, of body mind and soul,  we must speak out for Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, a 43 year old mother of two, was convicted in May 2006 of having an “illicit relationship” with two men and received 99 lashes as her sentence. Despite already having been punished, she has now been further convicted of “adultery” and she and sentenced to death by stoning.

She is currently being held on death row in Tabriz Prison, north-west Iran, and faces imminent execution. Around July 7th , following international protests, officials in Tabriz asked the head of Iran’s judiciary to agree that her sentence of stoning to death be converted to execution by hanging.

On 10 July, the head of Iran’s High Council for Human Rights said that her case would be reviewed, although he affirmed that Iranian law permits execution by stoning.

On 14 July Sajjad Qaderzadeh, Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani’s son, was summoned to Tabriz’s Central Prison, and is believed to have been questioned by Ministry of Intelligence officials who possibly threatened him not to give further interviews about his mother’s case.

It is clear Sakineh remains in grave risk… PLEASE sign this petition which calls on the Iranian authorities to clarify her current legal status, demands that the authorities enact legislation that bans stoning as a legal punishment, and eliminates other forms of the death penalty for “adultery” such as fogging or imprisonment.

Sign Petition: http://freesakineh.org/

If you have not signed this or sent a note to Secretary Clinton now is the time.

I wish I could do more – I will promise though, that on Friday night I will Pray on my Sabbath in my Synagogue for the life of a sister and the goodwill of her children.

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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Melanie Nathan – August 14, 2010

Best-selling author Elizabeth Gilbert will join Immigration Equality in lobbying Congress for the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA), reports  ON TOP Magazine.

My question is – will it be for UAFA as a stand alone or for the inclusion of UAFA into Immigration Reform. Maybe Immigration Equality sees that the choo choo train to reform ought to be via the equality Bill, UAFA, alone  instead of through Comprehensive Immigration Reform.

“Gilbert, whose film adaptation of Eat, Pray, Love starring Julia Roberts opened nationwide on Friday, is half of a binational couple herself. She chronicled her experience in her follow-up book Committed.

Immigration Equality has been lobbying for passage of the UAFA, a bill that would allow gay Americans to sponsor an immigrant partner for citizenship. Currently, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) forbids any federal agency from recognizing married gay couples, reports OUT.

However their report fails to note that for the past year and two months Immigration Equality has taken UAFA out of the realm of a stand-alone Bill with over 120 Sponsors in Congress and spent its time and resources on the currently  nowhere journey through a very controversial crash course with Comprehensive Immigration Reform (CIR).  UAFA is an equality amendment to the Immigration & Naturalization Act.that would include committed permanent partners instead Immigration Equality has pursued the idea of including UAFA in CIR – and cost desperate bi-national couples another year- in limbo – with no guarantee of inclusion, and constant same-old promises.

The House CIR  Bill by Congressman Luis  Gutierrez  (D -IL) specifically excluded UAFA and although Gutierrez has since said in public and the press that he believes NOW (flip flop) that Uniting American Families Act should be  included in CIR  – there is no amendment or action yet in sight.

From the Senate side – we have yet to see more than a framework for the Bill, which does include mention of UAFA.

Immigration Equality assured its supporters over a year ago the CIR was imminent, yet all we have from the Senate and Chuck Schumer is yet another a campaign motivated promise in the form of a framework, clearly a rushed direct response to the recent Arizona Immigration debacle.

Gilbert will apparently join IE September 30 to talk to lawmakers about the inequity,  reports IE.

As an avid activist myself for UAFA – I am hoping that Gilbert will be a proponent for an immediate stand-alone Bill for UAFA and that while we have a majority in congress, Gay and Lesbian couples should be given priority treatment under an equality banner rather than waiting for (yes the much needed) immigration reform for all.

“In addition to being unjust and cruel and unconscionable,” Gilbert said in June, “these laws [separating LGBT families] are stupid because they are taking away some of the best and brightest minds and prospects out of the country … they are forced to do nothing but fight for their lives. And they are in a fight for their lives. And I am proud to be part of that fight; I’m humbled and honored to be part of that fight.”

Elizabeth Gilbert’s life story, the best-selling author, who traveled millions of miles in what ended up being a search for her own, centered self, caused a sensation with her diary of personal discovery, also known as Eat, Pray, Love.

The book, which became a sort of holistic prescription for self-empowerment via self-fulfillment, was passed from person to person and ended up – in a life-changing moment amidst a story full of such karmic twists – in the hands of Oprah Winfrey.

At its peak, Love was at the top of the best-sellers’ list, and was hailed by millions as the holy text for embodying “la dolce vita.” (I learned about it when a friend sent me a Barnes & Noble gift certificate, and proclaimed, “Use this to buy Eat, Pray, Love!”) Readers have debated its place in the lexicon of feminist literature . . . organized book clubs to swoon over its lush storylines . . . and spent more than a few hours daydreaming about throwing caution to the wind, and following in Gilbert’s footsteps, in pursuit of a more perfect union (with themselves).

In short order, the book’s title – Eat, Pray, Love – became a mantra for the masses. And now, it has become a Hollywood blockbuster, too.

Beginning today, movie-goers are expected to flock to theaters to see Gilbert – played by screen icon Julia Roberts – eat, pray and love her way across Italy, India and Indonesia. But when the film stops rolling, another inspiring and empowering chapter in Gilbert’s life will just be beginning: Her selfless work on behalf of lesbian and gay immigrant families.

Continue reading this article at HuffingtonPost.com . . .

So now we are still no where and Bi national couples wait desperately.  By September 30th I know two American citizens who will have already exiled for other countries, one who would have had life threatening major heart surgery without his partner at his side, and probably another 100 e-mails from 2nd class American residents and citizens.

by Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
www.privatecourts.com

@oblogdeeoblogda

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By Melanie Nathan,   8-09-10

The Long awaited Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act 2010 (SB 3307) has passed the Senate, after a push by the ADA membership and other advocates, urging Senators to get the job done!  The Act, which passed the Senate unanimously now moves to the House where it is expected to pass.

This now makes a strong investment in our children’s future. It will provide local school districts with resources to improve the quality and nutritional value of meals served to students; require the USDA to strengthen nutrition standards for foods sold in vending machines, a la carte lines and school stores; and require the USDA to implement standards based on current nutrition science.

“If current trends continue, one in three children born since the year 2000 will develop diabetes at some point in their lives. In order to curb this epidemic, we need to promote healthy lifestyles at school, where our children spend a large part of their day. The passage of the Act has indeed put us that much closer to putting a stop to this dangerous epidemic. “  www.diabeteshealth.com

The Full Text of the Act can be found here:- http://ag.senate.gov/site/legislation.html and http://ag.senate.gov/site/ComLeg/s3307.pdf

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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08/06/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

Angelina Jolie is constantly criticized for “forcing” daughter Shiloh to “dress like a boy” and thus turning her into a disgusting manly lesbo. Angelina has defended Shiloh in the past and now the philanthropic lady is begginning to sound a littled pissed off. She said in an interview while doing the press rounds for her action film, Salt:

“I think people think kids should be a certain way, but I feel they should wear what they feel like wearing and they should express themselves. Shiloh cried one night and said, ‘Please cut my hair off. I don’t want to have long hair.’ I’m not going to leave it long just because somebody thinks I should…I have a very strong-willed four-year-old girl who tells me what she wants to wear and I let her be who she is.

 I agree with her and not just because I’m a lesbian who loves gender bending women. It’s important to let children be who they are, it’s heartbreaking to hear stories of people who have grown up trying to fit into a mold to make their parents happy. While this is common among LGBT individuals, it is also prevalent in the straight community, like the athlete who wants to impress his dad, the solider who joined the fight because he has a family history of it, the woman who married within her religion to make her mom happy. Parents shouldn’t force their child into a mold, it usually ends in disaster.

Also, our culture of dressing little girls in frills and pink sparkles is getting out of control. Girls are sexualized as soon as they pop out of the womb and are told they need to be beautiful fashion plates before they can walk. They need to be outfitted with heels and wearing designer diapers. It’s disgusting and for once Angelina is a bastion of sanity.

Although I did not report on it, earlier this week, Angelina was criticized for letting her son, Pax, get a mani/pedi. Basically, I like Angie better than ever before. Go on with your bad self, girl. I hope you adopt 100 more babies and seed them throughout the world to help people learn to become more tolerant.

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