London:- Conservative Crispin Blunt, who is prisons minister in the coalition government has disclosed that he is gay and that he has separated from his wife.

Blunt said he had “decided to come to terms with his homosexuality”. In a statement, he said the move was “difficult” for his family and hoped for their “understanding and support”.

He married Victoria Jenkins in September 1990 in Kensington and they have a son (born August 1994) and daughter (born March 1992). His niece is Golden Globe-award winning actress Emily Blunt^[.  Blunt’s voting record in Parliament had previously been broadly unsympathetic towards gay rights.

He has been MP for Reigate since 1997, before which he served in the Armed Forces for many years.  The 50-year old – a junior minister in the Department of Justice – has two children.

He announced his separation from his wife Victoria in a statement on the Conservative Home website, saying he had “explained the position” to his family. “There is no third party involvement but this is difficult for his immediate and wider family and he hopes for understanding and support for them,” the statement said.

As prisons minister, Mr Blunt is responsible for penal policy and finding savings in the prisons budget as part of this autumn’s departmental spending review.

He hit the headlines last month when he called for rules banning comedy gigs, parties and other recreational events being held in prisons to be relaxed – which No 10 immediately ruled out.

Apparently a local commented – everyone in the local party likes him and it’s a courageous thing to do. It’s really a private matter for him.

By Melanie Nathan
This pattern of anti-gay votes and campaigns leading right to the gay watering hole is becoming too much!

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“Lets have kids  dear!”

Posted by Melanie Nathan

Choosing Children

08.26.10

A letter from Kate Kendell:-

Twenty-five years ago, I was 25 years old and just starting law school at the University of Utah. I was parenting my daughter Emily, who was 4 years old with her mom, and my former partner, Lori. While it was uncommon for LGBT friends in our circle to be planning for parenthood, it did not occur to Lori or me that we were at the forefront of what would be termed the “gayby boom.”

Lori had been a single parent raising the then 1-year-old Emily when we met. We were just living our lives unaware of a sea-change that was just beginning when it came to issues of parenting and our community. While we were living that life, Academy Award-winning filmmaker Deborah “Chas” Chasnoff and her then life and work partner, Kim Klausner, were in the midst of writing, producing, and directing their groundbreaking film documenting this burgeoning movement. Choosing Children captured on celluloid the choice a growing number of lesbians and gay men were making, a choice that seemed both counter-intuitive and revolutionary: to become parents.

Up until this generation, most LGBT folks were parents because they had been in earlier heterosexual marriages or relationships and then divorced and come out, or vice-versa. In doing so many of them faced hostility from family and former spouses and countless numbers lost or gave up any hope for custody of their children.

Beginning in the early 1980s, a new kind of parenting began emerging. Led by lesbians, often in biological partnership with gay men, women began choosing to have children as lesbian-identified parents. Now, 25 short years later, the groundbreaking idea that lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, and transgender folks can also be parents seems, well, not so groundbreaking. In fact, it is now so commonplace that doing so is viewed by some in our community as assimilationist and pedestrian. Gotta love the march of progress.

But of course, what the fight for the right to be both LGBT and a parent is really about is the right to live a fulfilled and authentic life according to what gives joy and satisfaction to each of us. And in 1985 becoming a parent often meant rejection from both one’s family of origin and one’s chosen family in the lesbian or gay community. It also meant maintaining a pretense of heterosexuality or absolute legal vulnerability because almost every state prohibited openly lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people from adopting, and few if any states provided any parental protections. It was a time of very little community or institutional support for you as a parent or for your child as the son or daughter of a queer parent.

Emily will be 30 next year. She is smart, lovely, creative, open-hearted, and generous. I can hardly believe I have a daughter who is near 30 years old. But then I also can hardly believe the progress we have made in the short time my oldest has been alive. Seeing Choosing Children again was inspiring for many reasons but most of all, it made me really stop and appreciate how far we have come and how much we owe those who blazed this trail uncertain of the terrain ahead of them. Filmmakers Chas and Kim, the parents featured in the film, our own founder Donna Hitchens—who provided legal expertise and commentary—did not intend to be pioneers, but they were, and we are all much better off because of the choices they made.

So please join us for the upcoming Choosing Children 25th Anniversary Screening and Reception, a film that is now a crucial and transformative story of our movement. Our evening together promises to be a celebration of how far we have come and a promise to not end our quest until every family is valued and safe.

Sincerely,

Kate Kendell

Choosing Children 25th Anniversary Screening and Reception

Groundbreaking Film Exploring the First Generation of LGBT Parents Celebrates 25th Anniversary

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Film Showing and Reception Set for Sept. 14, 2010

SAN FRANCISCO-  Twenty-five years after its premier, the groundbreaking documentary “Choosing Children”—the first film to explore and chronicle the journey taken by lesbians and gay men to become parents after they came out—will return to the silver screen at the Herbst Theater on Sept. 14 to celebrate its 25^th anniversary.

The landmark film, produced by two Bay Area filmmakers, Academy Award winner Debra Chasnoff and Kim Klausner, was released in 1985, introducing viewers to the first generation of lesbians and gay men who chose to become parents after coming out, and contributed to an expanded definition of family that has since opened the doors for millions of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people to become parents. “Before the early 1980s, it was just assumed that if you came out, you gave up the chance and the right to be a parent,” says Chasnoff. “But a small number of brave lesbians and gay men began to challenge that belief. With “Choosing Children” we wanted to share their stories with the world and inspire others that they, too, could redefine family for themselves.”

Chasnoff and Klausner conducted a nationwide search for lesbian-headed families that were navigating what was then a very new legal, political, and social terrain. Ultimately, they found six families who reflected some of the racial and ethnic diversity of our vibrant communities, and who had “chosen children” in different ways. Their stories provide an intimate look at the challenges and joys faced by this early generation of lesbian and gay parents in their quests to build their families—stories that are still fascinating and relevant today.

“Without the pioneering generation that we were able to capture in “Choosing Children,” none of us would have the rights or opportunities for creating families that we have today,” Klausner says. “It is almost beyond comprehension how much the political and social landscape has changed since we made the film.”

The film poignantly captures some of the important history that has contributed to today’s LGBT family rights victories, including the recent Proposition 8 decision by Judge Vaughn Walker here in California. It is partly why so many community groups are cosponsoring this evening celebration for LGBT families, our allies, prospective parents and others.

One of the arenas where the most significant advances have been made is the legal system.

“The legal advances we have made for our families are nothing short of breathtaking,” says National Center for Lesbian Rights Executive Director Kate Kendell. “These gains are largely due to this early generation of lesbians and gay parents, who charted a previously unseen path in order to become parents and raise children, becoming role models for LGBT people everywhere.”

Many Bay Area organizations are joining together for this community-wide screening and celebration to mark the 25th anniversary of Choosing Children, celebrate all the wonderful children LGBT people are now parenting, and raise funds to permanently preserve this historical gem on DVD. The restored 35 mm film print, courtesy of the OUTFEST Legacy Project and the UCLA Film Archive, was a huge hit at last summer’s Los Angeles Lesbian and Gay Film Festival.

If you’ve never seen Choosing Children, here’s your chance to soak up a delightful piece of our cultural history. If you are planning on having children, you will be inspired by the courageous pioneers in the film who figured out how to bring kids into their lives, co-parent with a same-sex partner, and handle concerns from relatives and schools. If you saw the film “back in the day,” this will be a trip down memory lane (including a rarely heard song by Holly Near) and a special moment to marvel at how much progress we’ve made.

The 25^th Anniversary Screening and Reception includes a viewing, and remarks by Chasnoff, Klausner, and the Honorable Donna Hitchens, founder of the National Center for Lesbian Rights who is featured in the film, and dessert reception The event is presented by the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Groundspark, COLAGE, Frameline, Equality California, Our Family Coalition, and PFLAG to celebrate the advances our movement has made in family law and society, and to raise funds to permanently preserve this historical film on DVD.

TICKET and EVENT INFORMATION

“Choosing Children” 25^th Anniversary Screening and Reception

What: “Choosing Children” 25^th anniversary celebration to raise funds to permanently preserve this historical film on DVD
When: 6:30 p.m. on September 14, 2010 (Program begins at 7 p.m.)
Where: Herbst Theater, 401 Van Ness, San Francisco, CA
Cost: $25 (regular admission); $10 (student admission)

Learn more and order tickets

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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Melanie Nathan; 08-16-10

Many of  our readers have asked that we spread the word.  I only wish there were more we could do, at a time when we must wonder if life means so little especially if a woman?

Given Cultural and religious beliefs one may be apt to think, ‘well that is the way it is;’ however we have seen too much of oppression of women in the name of religion and cultural belief and that is all it is – violence and flagrant  disregard for the lives of women.

Seen often as mere chattels and under command, for a use, of body mind and soul,  we must speak out for Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, a 43 year old mother of two, was convicted in May 2006 of having an “illicit relationship” with two men and received 99 lashes as her sentence. Despite already having been punished, she has now been further convicted of “adultery” and she and sentenced to death by stoning.

She is currently being held on death row in Tabriz Prison, north-west Iran, and faces imminent execution. Around July 7th , following international protests, officials in Tabriz asked the head of Iran’s judiciary to agree that her sentence of stoning to death be converted to execution by hanging.

On 10 July, the head of Iran’s High Council for Human Rights said that her case would be reviewed, although he affirmed that Iranian law permits execution by stoning.

On 14 July Sajjad Qaderzadeh, Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani’s son, was summoned to Tabriz’s Central Prison, and is believed to have been questioned by Ministry of Intelligence officials who possibly threatened him not to give further interviews about his mother’s case.

It is clear Sakineh remains in grave risk… PLEASE sign this petition which calls on the Iranian authorities to clarify her current legal status, demands that the authorities enact legislation that bans stoning as a legal punishment, and eliminates other forms of the death penalty for “adultery” such as fogging or imprisonment.

Sign Petition: http://freesakineh.org/

If you have not signed this or sent a note to Secretary Clinton now is the time.

I wish I could do more – I will promise though, that on Friday night I will Pray on my Sabbath in my Synagogue for the life of a sister and the goodwill of her children.

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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Melanie Nathan – August 14, 2010

Best-selling author Elizabeth Gilbert will join Immigration Equality in lobbying Congress for the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA), reports  ON TOP Magazine.

My question is – will it be for UAFA as a stand alone or for the inclusion of UAFA into Immigration Reform. Maybe Immigration Equality sees that the choo choo train to reform ought to be via the equality Bill, UAFA, alone  instead of through Comprehensive Immigration Reform.

“Gilbert, whose film adaptation of Eat, Pray, Love starring Julia Roberts opened nationwide on Friday, is half of a binational couple herself. She chronicled her experience in her follow-up book Committed.

Immigration Equality has been lobbying for passage of the UAFA, a bill that would allow gay Americans to sponsor an immigrant partner for citizenship. Currently, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) forbids any federal agency from recognizing married gay couples, reports OUT.

However their report fails to note that for the past year and two months Immigration Equality has taken UAFA out of the realm of a stand-alone Bill with over 120 Sponsors in Congress and spent its time and resources on the currently  nowhere journey through a very controversial crash course with Comprehensive Immigration Reform (CIR).  UAFA is an equality amendment to the Immigration & Naturalization Act.that would include committed permanent partners instead Immigration Equality has pursued the idea of including UAFA in CIR – and cost desperate bi-national couples another year- in limbo – with no guarantee of inclusion, and constant same-old promises.

The House CIR  Bill by Congressman Luis  Gutierrez  (D -IL) specifically excluded UAFA and although Gutierrez has since said in public and the press that he believes NOW (flip flop) that Uniting American Families Act should be  included in CIR  – there is no amendment or action yet in sight.

From the Senate side – we have yet to see more than a framework for the Bill, which does include mention of UAFA.

Immigration Equality assured its supporters over a year ago the CIR was imminent, yet all we have from the Senate and Chuck Schumer is yet another a campaign motivated promise in the form of a framework, clearly a rushed direct response to the recent Arizona Immigration debacle.

Gilbert will apparently join IE September 30 to talk to lawmakers about the inequity,  reports IE.

As an avid activist myself for UAFA – I am hoping that Gilbert will be a proponent for an immediate stand-alone Bill for UAFA and that while we have a majority in congress, Gay and Lesbian couples should be given priority treatment under an equality banner rather than waiting for (yes the much needed) immigration reform for all.

“In addition to being unjust and cruel and unconscionable,” Gilbert said in June, “these laws [separating LGBT families] are stupid because they are taking away some of the best and brightest minds and prospects out of the country … they are forced to do nothing but fight for their lives. And they are in a fight for their lives. And I am proud to be part of that fight; I’m humbled and honored to be part of that fight.”

Elizabeth Gilbert’s life story, the best-selling author, who traveled millions of miles in what ended up being a search for her own, centered self, caused a sensation with her diary of personal discovery, also known as Eat, Pray, Love.

The book, which became a sort of holistic prescription for self-empowerment via self-fulfillment, was passed from person to person and ended up – in a life-changing moment amidst a story full of such karmic twists – in the hands of Oprah Winfrey.

At its peak, Love was at the top of the best-sellers’ list, and was hailed by millions as the holy text for embodying “la dolce vita.” (I learned about it when a friend sent me a Barnes & Noble gift certificate, and proclaimed, “Use this to buy Eat, Pray, Love!”) Readers have debated its place in the lexicon of feminist literature . . . organized book clubs to swoon over its lush storylines . . . and spent more than a few hours daydreaming about throwing caution to the wind, and following in Gilbert’s footsteps, in pursuit of a more perfect union (with themselves).

In short order, the book’s title – Eat, Pray, Love – became a mantra for the masses. And now, it has become a Hollywood blockbuster, too.

Beginning today, movie-goers are expected to flock to theaters to see Gilbert – played by screen icon Julia Roberts – eat, pray and love her way across Italy, India and Indonesia. But when the film stops rolling, another inspiring and empowering chapter in Gilbert’s life will just be beginning: Her selfless work on behalf of lesbian and gay immigrant families.

Continue reading this article at HuffingtonPost.com . . .

So now we are still no where and Bi national couples wait desperately.  By September 30th I know two American citizens who will have already exiled for other countries, one who would have had life threatening major heart surgery without his partner at his side, and probably another 100 e-mails from 2nd class American residents and citizens.

by Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
www.privatecourts.com

@oblogdeeoblogda

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By Melanie Nathan,   8-09-10

The Long awaited Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act 2010 (SB 3307) has passed the Senate, after a push by the ADA membership and other advocates, urging Senators to get the job done!  The Act, which passed the Senate unanimously now moves to the House where it is expected to pass.

This now makes a strong investment in our children’s future. It will provide local school districts with resources to improve the quality and nutritional value of meals served to students; require the USDA to strengthen nutrition standards for foods sold in vending machines, a la carte lines and school stores; and require the USDA to implement standards based on current nutrition science.

“If current trends continue, one in three children born since the year 2000 will develop diabetes at some point in their lives. In order to curb this epidemic, we need to promote healthy lifestyles at school, where our children spend a large part of their day. The passage of the Act has indeed put us that much closer to putting a stop to this dangerous epidemic. “  www.diabeteshealth.com

The Full Text of the Act can be found here:- http://ag.senate.gov/site/legislation.html and http://ag.senate.gov/site/ComLeg/s3307.pdf

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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08/06/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

Angelina Jolie is constantly criticized for “forcing” daughter Shiloh to “dress like a boy” and thus turning her into a disgusting manly lesbo. Angelina has defended Shiloh in the past and now the philanthropic lady is begginning to sound a littled pissed off. She said in an interview while doing the press rounds for her action film, Salt:

“I think people think kids should be a certain way, but I feel they should wear what they feel like wearing and they should express themselves. Shiloh cried one night and said, ‘Please cut my hair off. I don’t want to have long hair.’ I’m not going to leave it long just because somebody thinks I should…I have a very strong-willed four-year-old girl who tells me what she wants to wear and I let her be who she is.

 I agree with her and not just because I’m a lesbian who loves gender bending women. It’s important to let children be who they are, it’s heartbreaking to hear stories of people who have grown up trying to fit into a mold to make their parents happy. While this is common among LGBT individuals, it is also prevalent in the straight community, like the athlete who wants to impress his dad, the solider who joined the fight because he has a family history of it, the woman who married within her religion to make her mom happy. Parents shouldn’t force their child into a mold, it usually ends in disaster.

Also, our culture of dressing little girls in frills and pink sparkles is getting out of control. Girls are sexualized as soon as they pop out of the womb and are told they need to be beautiful fashion plates before they can walk. They need to be outfitted with heels and wearing designer diapers. It’s disgusting and for once Angelina is a bastion of sanity.

Although I did not report on it, earlier this week, Angelina was criticized for letting her son, Pax, get a mani/pedi. Basically, I like Angie better than ever before. Go on with your bad self, girl. I hope you adopt 100 more babies and seed them throughout the world to help people learn to become more tolerant.

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Without missing a beat, Granny took one look at me with my new lover and said “you’re with girls now aren’t you?”

The question was rhetorical, and when I gave her a wildly happy “yes!” she reflexively said “don’t tell your mother she’ll blame me!”  I didn’t think to ask her why—it seemed obvious, Granny was never what one would call heterosexual. “I like men, Richard Gere is so handsome, but I only like them from their head to their neck”!

I did ask her many years later, if she had the choice would she have chosen to be with a woman?

“Yes of course” she said.

Granny is turning 103 next month —on august 21. Born in Singapore to Iraqi Jewish parents Granny married at 16 to a much older man and was sent to Baghdad to live with her new husband and his family. Life in Baghdad was a nightmare for her. Jews were second class citizens living in fear and Baghdad did not compare to British Singapore. She wanted to run back home and never got over her trauma of living through the Farhud, the anti-Jewish pogrom of 1941.

“They were so backward, not like us in (British) Singapore. I missed speaking English, and the family hated me for being modern. I danced, wore lipstick, and cut my hair short. And I wasn’t afraid to speak up to the Muslims who taunted us on the streets.  They were confused because I spoke English and wasn’t like the other Jews where we lived. They never saw a Jew like me.”

Once I get Granny talking about her life in Baghdad she goes back there with faraway eyes.

“ So I became friends with the Muslim and the Christian Arabs. I was supposed to only socialize with the family, people only stayed with their families. But I refused. One friend, a Muslim, she was married to a Syrian Doctor,  she loved me so much. I didn’t understand at first, when she asked me if I knew ‘finger exercises’—I thought she was asking if I played the piano!” Granny laughs, yes, she played the piano, but her friend was talking about a whole other kind of exercise! Granny laughs “I was so naïve!”

She didn’t ask the usual questions like how and what on earth could and would two women w/o a man do! For her once she didn’t have to have any more children (3 was her limit) she quit sex with her husband. And then he died young and she vowed “no sex for me ever again”.

“Now, I would have been with a women, I think yes, I was probably a lesbian”.

And now, at 103, this woman, my Granny, is still as feisty as ever albeit in a wheel chair because her legs didn’t retain the muscle the way her brain has. She is as bright and articulate as she was 30 years ago. And now, wonders why when “women are so beautiful” the lesbian feminist lover I was with then has transitioned into a man today. “Does she have a penis?”

“no”

“oh, that’s good then. No bad smell, he is still a she in a way”

“yup”

And Granny who hasn’t seen her/him in 30 years will be at the party we will have in a few weeks to celebrate Granny’s 103 birthday! It’s a wild ride this life.

Picture:  of Rachel & Granny – Copyright 2010  Rachel Wahba©, used with permission.

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Melanie Nathan   7-17-10

A Michigan-based gay rights foundation has given more than $400,000 to a California seminary to help craft formal liturgies for the Episcopal Church to bless gay and lesbian relationships, reports Kevin Eckstrom from Beliefnet, an online spirituality focused blog.

“The Episcopal Church still officially considers marriage between a man and a woman, reflected in the marriage rite of its Book of Common Prayer. Many dioceses, however, unofficially allow priests to bless same-sex relationships and even marriages.

Because the church puts a high value on scripted liturgies, many same-sex couples want their own marriage/blessing rite since many bishops are reluctant to use the traditional husband-wife marriage liturgy for same-sex unions.”

Again it would seem while this overtly sounds like a blessing – it reflects the classic marginalization to which we have all become accustomed – but then of course we must yield to the right of any Spiritual organization or religious group to its autonomy and freedoms of expression.  It becomes a matter of personal belief and is up to the individual to make their own decisions – for many this may well be a welcome opportunity to be blessed in the church that may otherwise have shunned them completely.

To my way of thinking if we had full equality in the US and around the World – perhaps the religions would evolve accordingly – you  evolutionary interpretation – hit a chord?

By Melanie Nathan.
Going to the Beach in Northern California today….. brrrrrrrrr
Going to the City Tonight – San Francisco – covering Nightlife!

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Melanie Nathan 7-14-10

Secretary Hilary Clinton PLEASE Help!

Early July, an Iranian court ruled that a teenager, Ebrahim Hamidi, should face the death penalty for charges that he engaged in “homosexual relations” with others. Hamidi was charged with three other teenagers, all of whom have had their charges dismissed. These teenagers have said that the charges were bogus; yet Iran still plans to move forward with executing Hamidi.

Last month, Secretary Clinton gave an historic speech where shesaid that gay rights were indeed human rights. That speech reverberated throughout the world, giving hope to millions of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people struggling for equal rights in the face of oppression.

Now there is a Petition asking Secretary Clinton  to take those words, and organize the international community to condemn gay executions in Iran, as well as the planned execution of Hamidi.

Here is a teenager being sentenced to die, solely because of his perceived sexual orientation. We can’t let this happen in silence.

Offer Asylum instead of death – Heck I bet Israel would help him!

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If you were not around during the 60’s Civil Rights Movement then you may be around for the  2010 Civil Rights Movement.

It has started.

During April I printed my little big vision in an article http://lezgetreal.com/2010/04/the-lgbtqi-pink-plan-liberation-of-usa-gays-and-lesbians-btqi/

My personal vision when I wrote that first article was simple – Build it and they will come of sorts…..   And that is exactly what is happening since this week’s launch of the AMERICAN EQUALITY BILL (AEB) an Omnibus with the ideal of an Amendment to the Civil Rights Act of 1964 –   the inclusion of Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity into the Civil Rights Act.

This week we hit the champagne bottle on the ship…

The American Equality  Bill takes the approach that piecemeal bills for various areas of discrimination be supported through recognition of our civil rights, first and foremost and may serve to yield an omnibus bill that will in essence get rid of all discriminatory legislation.  See the draft here   http://lezgetreal.com/2010/07/breaking-first-release-the-american-equality-bill/

It also recognizes that creating separate bills in separate areas breaks the interests of those against discrimination into small, separate pieces that dilutes the strong force of the coalition necessary to pass any bill on the federal level.

This is a critical approach to win Equality. Equality cannot come to fruition without the Benchmark – something specific that carries forth a universal message.  Now that we have the wording and the Goal- we need the BILL.

Bye Bye back door – tralalal piecemeal approach – no more  with domain ownership by organizations who tickle our backs into persuasive complacency, while we dole out more LGBT  dollars for more LGBT reassurances. Use that money to take a day off work and get on the streets.

I decided some time back that no one was going to own the rights I need to fight for and now I am asking that you all jump into the ocean with AEB (American Equality Bill) our wave – as we surf toward the beach where equality awaits under the sun.

This is THE BIRTH OF THE gay Movement. The one that is planning the front door entrance  to the Universe that belongs to us as equally as to any other – hence the beach metaphor.

“Now OUR TIME HAS COME. We have already won the de FACTO fight –  we EXIST – the factual existence – we have won visibility – the fact that we are out and open, the fact that we have created controversy, the fact that we have children – the fact that we are shaking up DADT, the fact that Annette Bening is playing a lesbian – and many more such victories – now it has come time for De Jure – The Legal Victory!  It can Only be done one WAY and that is  this  CIVIL RIGHTS AMENDMENT   http://lezgetreal.com/2010/07/the-launch-of-hope-finally-grassroots-find-feet-the-american-equality-bill/ “

Now that a group of grass-root-sloggers, none of whom are asking for money, have in fact put this together in benchmark formality in the form of  AEB  – it is time to take the street as spontaneously as you want.   It can be organized, it can be random, it can be anything you want- because YOU America- own it.  We own it..all of us own our civil rights and we are ready to demand the newly launched benchmark.

I have nothing invested in what anyone in congress thinks about it. I do not give a damn if you think I am wasting my time.  I don’t care who you think I offend.  I do not give a heck if you laugh and continue to marginalize my entitlement.

I am only invested in demanding it  - it is MINER and I can Demand.  What will be will be!  But at least I was unafraid.    I am not scared of failure I am not dependent on success – I am only concerned about DPING it.    I am not going  to shop AEB around – YOU-  Mr. President and you Mrs. Speaker and all of  Congress and those in the Senate – you must come to us.   We are going on the streets in a big way because NOW we are starting our movement.

To those who purport to represent us and make – deals behind our backs to assert your re-election – carry on thinking your existence is worthy while Americans suffer deep pain of discrimination. “Carry on,” I say.   But I am going on the street.

So yes it has started.  Today my very dear partner in the Civil Rights Claim, Todd Fernandez sent me a note on FB:

“J Todd Fernandez Honey – A tiny band of us in NY have decided to have a NY Civil Rights March 2010 – for SO&GI Equality Now. Can you dig it. xoTif!  Visit Todd on FB to see what is happening…..   http://bit.ly/AEBnow

If you are interested in going on the Street wherever you are just do it…

Start a Petition »

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
@oblogdeeoblogda
FaceBook be my Friend.

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By  Melanie Nathan  7-8-10

Today, U.S. District Court Judge Joseph L. Tauro ruled that Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) is unconstitutional with respect to claims brought by seven married same-sex couples and three widowers from Massachusetts. Under the ruling, the plaintiffs are entitled to the same federal spousal benefits and protections as every other married couple.

Finally  a huge victory for marriage equality when a federal judge in Boston ruled today in two separate cases that a critical portion of the federal Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional.

U.S. district judge Joseph Tauro , US District Court Massachusetts ruled that Congress violated the Tenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution when it passed DOMA and took from the states decisions concerning which couples can be considered married.

The second case,  Gill v. Office of Personnel Management, the ruling was DOMA violates the equal protection principles embodied in the Due Process Clause of the Fifth Amendment. The case was brought by Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD), the group that won the landmark gay marriage decision in 2003 before the Massachusetts Supreme Court. GLAD represents eight married couples and three widowers in the suit, says The Advocate today.

Proposition 8 is currently pending a San Francisco  decision, which could come down at any time, relates to State  laws barring marriage rights for same-sex couples.  However in this instance in  GLAD’s lawsuit was a precise attack on DOMA, targeting just one section of the law — Section 3 — that limits the definition of marriage, for all federal purposes, to one man and one woman.

A Highlight The Argument:

GLAD attorney Mary Bonauto told Tauro that DOMA constitutes a “classic equal protection” violation, by taking one class of married people in Massachusetts and dividing it into two. One class gets federal benefits, the other does not.  Just as the federal government cannot take the word “person” and say it means only Caucasians or only women, said Bonauto, it should not be able to take the word “marriage” and say it means only heterosexual couples.

Bonauto said the government has no reason to withhold the more than 1,000 federal benefits of marriage from same-sex couples, and noted that a House Judiciary Committee report “explicitly stated the purpose of DOMA was to express moral disapproval of homosexuality.”

The ruling stems from the lawsuit Gill et al v. Office of Personnel Management et al, filed by Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) in March 2009.

“Today the Court simply affirmed that our country won’t tolerate second-class marriages,” said Mary Bonauto, GLAD’s Civil Rights Project Director, who argued the case. “I’m pleased that Judge Tauro recognized that married same-sex couples and surviving spouses have been seriously harmed by DOMA and that the plaintiffs deserve the same opportunities to care and provide for each other and for their children that other families enjoy. This ruling will make a real difference for countless families in Massachusetts.”

“I am thrilled that my family will now be treated in the same way as those of my married co-workers at the post office,” said Nancy Gill, who is a plaintiff with her spouse, Marcelle Letourneau. “Marcelle and I married out of love and commitment to each other first and foremost, but federal recognition of our marriage means that we’ll have equal access to important protections for our two children and for ourselves.”

Gill is a 22-year employee of the U.S. Postal Service who cannot cover Letourneau on her family health and vision insurance plans, forcing the couple to pay extra to insure Letourneau. Marcelle is also ineligible to receive the federal health benefit given to surviving spouses or to access Nancy’s pension should Nancy predecease her.

The next step in the case is for the federal government to decide whether it will appeal Judge Tauro’s ruling to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the First Circuit. That decision should come within the next 60 days.

Congress passed DOMA in 1996. Section 3 of the law states that only a marriage between one man and one woman will be recognized for federal purposes. The Obama Administration called the law discriminatory, even while defending it in court.

GLAD filed the Gill case on the grounds that DOMA Section 3 violates the federal constitutional guarantee of equal protection as applied to federal income tax, Social Security, federal employees and retirees and the issuance of passports. The passport issue was resolved in 2009 when the State Department changed its policy.

Co-counsel in the Gill case included attorneys from the firms Foley Hoag LLP, Sullivan & Worcester LLP, Jenner & Block LLP, and Kator, Parks & Weiser, PLLC. Details about the case, the plaintiffs, and the attorneys representing them can be found at http://www.glad.org/doma.

Excerpt from the Judgment

“Equal Protection of the Laws “[T]he Constitution ‘neither knows nor tolerates classes among citizens.’”(   Romer v. Evans, 517 U.S. 620, 623 (1996) (quoting Plessy v. Ferguson, 163 U.S. 537,)  559 (1896) (Harlan, J. dissenting)).     It is with this fundamental principle in mind that equal protection jurisprudence takes on “governmental classifications that ‘affect some groups of citizens differently than others.’”84 And it is because of this “commitment to the law’s neutrality where the rights of persons are at stake”85 that legislative provisions which arbitrarily or irrationally create discrete classes cannot withstand constitutional……  Read Judge Tauro’s ruling: http://www.glad.org/uploads/docs/cases/2010-07-08-gill-district-court-decision.pdf.

Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders is New England’s leading legal organization dedicated to ending discrimination based on sexual orientation, HIV status, and gender identity and expression.

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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Melanie Nathan and jerrold nadler at UAFA Hearing 2009

6-24-10  Melanie Nathan

This is a letter copy printed with Permission from the writer – Yet another Horror Story same-sex couples  immigration discrimination

Caveat -While this letter was written to rep. Nadler, – This Congressman is in fact the single most supportive member of Congress on the topic of UAFA  and other LGBT issues.  Not only did he  introduce the Uniting American Families Act, for us,  but he has appeared in the NYCLU Video featuring Britta and Carla, who received direct help from the Congressman – he continues to advocate for UAFA and our hope is that he will step up now and and lead an emergency reflection on urge Congress to pass UAFA as a stand alone – perhaps in conjunction with the DREAM ACT.

Dear Hon. Rep. Nadler,

The last time I wrote you, I was the CEO of an organization in New Zealand.  I am an American citizen who left the United States because my partner of over 8 years is a Venezuelan who spent over a decade trying, unsuccessfully, to navigate the US immigration process.  We had no problem gaining permanent residency in New Zealand, a beautiful country but it is “oh so small.”

We have since relocated to Toronto, where I was able to secure employment under a NAFTA-related work visa.  While we do not have permanent status in Canada, we are much closer to our extended family.  Toronto has been a wonderful city – a cure from the slow pace of New Zealand life – but the fact is that our family still lives in the US and Latin America.  On a recent trip to Houston, we flew from Buffalo where my partner was detained at the land border crossing to be surrounded by five armed officers for over 30 minutes ONLY because a Mexican national has the same first, middle and last names AND birthdate as my Venezuelan partner.  And this episode occurs on EVERY entry into the United States, even though the two do not hold similar passports or visas.  CBP simply cannot figure out that my partner’s passport and VALID US tourist visa are not at fault, but they seem content to waste time on a case that leads nowhere EVERY time we enter the country.

Worse yet, every time we enter the country, I have to pretend to be a friend, coworker, or innocent stranger observing from nearby, as I know full well that the consequences of revealing us as a same sex couple could result in a worse punishment than if we were confirmed terrorists.

And while I cannot live in my own country with my partner, I still have to pay taxes on foreign wages earned abroad – what other country exiles its own citizens only to tax their foreign-earned wages?

UAFA, or some form of equal and humane treatment of bi-national same sex couples, must pass, and it must pass soon.  There are those who suggest people in my situation are being impatient, but I simply don’t have a lifetime to wait for Congress to make the right decision.  And I can’t tolerate an hour at the border between Ontario and New York while five armed guards interrogate an innocent Venezuelan for having the same name as a Mexican convict when they fundamentally know that they are chasing the wrong suspect.

This is not acceptable!  I know you have worked hard for equality, but I beg you to put an extra ounce of energy into the cause.

Kind regards,
Keith Hall

Posted by Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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Senator Dianne Feinstein permits Joriene to sit at her desk. Twins accompany two moms to ask Senator Feinstein to support Uniting American Families Act in Summer 2009.

June 19, 2010  Melanie Nathan -

Senator Feinstein’s Declares progress for June Pride as follows:

“Each June, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Pride Month provides an opportunity to recognize the countless Americans who have worked to end the ongoing struggle against discrimination, and to pay tribute to the resilient spirit and significant contributions of LGBT Americans to our nation’s ideals of equality and freedom.

June was chosen for LGBT Pride Month to commemorate the Stonewall riots in 1969, which prompted the birth of the gay rights movement.

As we celebrate the rich and diverse LGBT community this month, we not only recognize many notable achievements, we are also reminded of the struggles and successes to live and experience the American dream.

In the past 10 years since this month was first declared, the LGBT community has triumphed over tremendous challenges.  Hate crimes based on sexual orientation or gender identity are now a Federal offense and same-sex marriages are granted in 5 states and the District of Columbia.  The LGBT community has also answered the call to service with over 600 openly LGBT appointed and elected officials in office today.  While these landmark victories are remarkable, there is no doubt that much more still needs to be done.

My heart sank with the passage of Proposition 8, but the final verdict has not been rendered on this issue.  As Californians come to know the 18,000 couples who were able to marry I believe that change will come.

The military’s “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is another important issue.  Under this policy, over 13,000 men and women have been discharged from service.  I have co-sponsored legislation and spoken on the floor because I believe that every American should have the opportunity to serve their country.  Last month, both the House and the Senate Armed Service Committee approved an amendment to effectively end “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.”  While this still has to make it through the Senate, I will support this every step of the way.

Great change is possible in our lifetimes; it can come quickly and easily or, as we’ve seen with many protections for LGBT individuals and families, over time with great struggles.  Yet equal rights are closer now than ever.  The LGBT community continues to march forward with determination and dignity.  Though the journey is not finished we live in a country where extraordinary change is possible and I know that perseverance triumphs prejudice.”

I have always considered Senator Feinstein one of the most pro Gay Senators on the Hill. However I know this view has not been shared by many activists and that bothers me a lot. They do not approach the Senator with requests that make sense.

I remember October 2009, sitting in the Senator’s conference room  in her D.C. office, speaking to a senior staffer.   I asked why am I hearing from some of the LGBT non-profits here in DC that the Senator is not worth approaching on UAFA because “she does nothing for the gay community?”

When i heard this i was astounded. The Senator  helped my lesbian family whenever we have asked, she has shown amazing compassion, and she gave Shirley Tan the introduction of a Private Bill, wherein she even mentioned Jay Mercado as Shirley’s partner; probably the first time a Senator has ever gone to that extent in the circumstances.

But to me more important than anything else – is that those who refuse to believe in the Senator’s goodwill, must and cannot forget that Senator Feinstein was one of the few who was not duped as was Bill Clinton, by the insidiously prejudicial Defense of marriage Act – as the Senator voted NO to DOMA.

When I told the Staffer what I had heard, it was as if I had put a dagger through her heart. She told me how upset the Senator would be if she ever heard such a remark.  It upset me too because for as long as Senator Feinstein has been my California Senator, I have felt a sense of safety.  Her office is a well run machine of proactive efficiency, more than any other Senate office.  Her staffers are  astounding.

Out of all the Senators I believe Feinstein is the one who could feasibly take a lead on the repeal of DOMA – I also believe she can work with President Obama to effect some resolution to the particulalrly heinous aspects og LGBT discrimination.

With this team in place – it cannot go on.  Nothing should come before DOMA’s repeal or remedial legislation such as UAFA that asserts  parity and equality for all couples in the immigration act.

Look at who the opponents are on this- snot nosed lockstep noblows like Jeff Sessions. The guy should not even be near the Senate, especially noting his background, overt prejudice and ignorance on most issues.

One only need look to the scathing he received from the late Ted Kennedy when  Sessions sought to be Judge. (You Tube.)

He is a twig in the Jungle and Senator Feinstein, ought to put her next foot forward and tout her leadership to bring equality to our LGBT community.  I believe she has the courage , the respect and the capability.   I am hoping that my confidence makes sense and that the Senator will take her wise words to the next level.

So my plea during this June Pride month is one shrouded in gratitude for those who I do believe care – but a huge request – PLEASE no more proclamations or speeches.  I cannot live any longer from Pride to Pride or Fundraiser to Fundraiser.   I am so done!  I want executive orders, I wand law, I want Equality, I want my rights, I want my children to be accepted in their lives;  I WANT my Senators to lead the way and Get the equality for US. The non profits do not represent us.

Melanie Nathan.
nathan@privatecourts.com

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Image via Wikipedia

6-7-10  Melanie Nathan

SAN FRANCISCO - Come and SING, DANCE, MARCH OR PERFORM with Marriage Equality USA at SF Pride

Marriage Equality USA is offering FUN opportunities for you to get engaged with us at SF Pride.

1. DANCE with a FLASH MOB

2. SING with the Joy Choir and Full Heart Band on the Main Stage

3. Lead the MARCH with Marriage Equality USA in the parade

4. PERFORM and Get ENGAGED at the Marriage Pavilion.

Get your Pride on early by jumping in on rehearsals and making this Pride, one you will always remember.

1. DANCE with a FLASH MOB

A Flash Mob is a form of direct action that spontaneously engages an unsuspecting crowd in a choreographed dance.  We are teaming up with a terrific group of Love Warriors to put together a Flash Mob at SF Pride on Sunday, June 27 around noon and in the Civic Center – if I say much more in advance – I am a spoil sport – so hopefully that is enough information for you to check your calendars and bring your honey or come alone and meet others committed to raising visibility and fun in support of the cause.  Go to the Facebook Page to RSVP and for details.

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=113877281987841

-You must be available June 27th. (We’ll give more details at rehearsals.)

-Please try to make a few rehearsals in June:

All rehearsals (except Sunday, June 20) will take place at Studio Gracia: 19 Heron Street, SF 94103

Here is the rehearsal schedule:
Thursday, June 10: 9:00 pm – 10:30pm
Sunday, June 13: 10:00 am – 12pm
Thursday, June 17: 9:00 pm – 10:30pm
Sunday, June 20: 11am – 1pm*** Rehearsal is at ODC, 351 Shotwell Street, Studio B, SF 94110 (very close to 16th Street BART Station)
Thursday, June 24: 9:00 pm – 10:30pm*** Mandatory rehearsal.

Video of the dance steps will be available, but PLEASE try to make a few rehearsals.

*ALL races, genders, ages, shapes and sizes encouraged!*

Contact sfprideflash@gmail.com or go to http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=113877281987841.

Here is the best FLASH MOB ever!  This time the audience surprises Oprah

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I had no intention of OUTING MY FATHER; I expected the usual ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ dance.  One Sunday, we went together to my father’s chosen synagogue, a place where unlike my modern Temple (gay SHAAR ZAHAV, San Francisco) prayers were chanted in the old Egyptian tradition.

We did a lot of things together since my mother died the year before.  We were there to view a video that had been smuggled out of Allepo revealing the suffering of the Jews trapped in Syria. This ancient Jewish community was now under house arrest, forbidden to work, and barred from leaving the country.

Attendance at my father’s Synagogue was dismally scant for the viewing and when it was over, I approached a small group of people, still taken by the lack of interest in social action and this issue.  Surely the rabbi must know his congregation showed up for prayers, alone and not social action.

I whispered quietly “Go to Shaar Zahav you’ll get the people there.” How the rabbi, overheard me is a mystery. The two words “Shaar Zahav” threw him into frenzy and he practically flew from the back of the room into our faces.

“DO NOT GO TO THAT PLACE! THOSE PEOPLE ARE NOT “JEWS”! he boomed. “THEY ARE ENEMIES OF THE JEWISH PEOPLE!”

Turning to me, he said “We LOVE your father, we are so happy to see him here every day. Why don’t you come too”?

“Because I go to Shaar Zahav” I said, I had to say it, he ASKED!  He froze, his brain was unable to process the information. And then, he yelled back ,”WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THOSE PEOPLE!”  “I am those people.”  “NO! NO! I DON’T BELIEVE IT!!”

“Rabbi, ‘those people’ are us, no different –every profession, all Jews…doctors lawyers (right?) I tried as he walked away.  I saw him stop and thank my father for coming.

Suddenly I realized “Oh no! Dad! I outed Dad! I shamed Dad! IN HIS SYNAGOGUE.

What is wrong with you Rachel, can’t you just play the game? Outside I looked at my dad.  “I didn’t mean to out you daddy,”  “Its okay. Prejudice only robs us of our humanity,” he said. “Rabbi E. is probably embarrassed, but don’t worry, he will get over it.”

And he continued, “There have always been gays in synagogues everywhere. In our synagogue in Mansoura, (Egypt), we knew some were gays praying with us.  But no one talked about it. It’s very sad. The difference is that here in America, there can be a gay synagogue.”

I knew then why I had been led to speak ‘out’ at my father’s synagogue.  The man was a rabbi; he touched too many lives. It seemed fortuitous. I felt relieved, especially with the depth of understanding of my the Dad I had just “outed.”

Strange as this may seem, a few weeks later in a gift shop, the thirty-something saleswoman, while ringing up my “to my wife” valentine card, reflected on the wording and said bemusedly, “So you are buying this for your husband to give to you?”

I didn’t correct her. I chuckled along with her instead. I could have said in an equally jovial tone “hey, this is San Francisco, take another guess!”

My response seemed not to carry the weight of that in the synagogue, but…I could have tweaked her consciousness.  I wish I had.

Tell me your stories –

The Picture: Rachel Wahba©
Kobe Synagogue I attended as a child.

Sacramento, CA (LifeNews.com is bragging about the fact that – The Susan B. Anthony (SBA) List is investing $215,000 in an independent expenditure campaign highlighting what it considers “the strong pro-life stance” of California Senate candidate Carly Fiorina.  She faces pro-choice Tom Campbell and pro-life Chuck DeVore in the Republican primary.

The winner will take on pro LGBT rights and pro-choice Sen. Barbara Boxer, in the general election.  As a true progressive liberal democrat I am  definitely backing Hewlett Packard disappointment, Fiorina for the Primary.  It would make the General election a walk in the park for incumbent Senator Barbara Boxer!

Leading up to the state primary election on June 8th, the SBA List asserts that it will “educate voters through an aggressive online advertising and e-mail campaign, targeted calls to 600,000 registered voters and direct fundraising from its membership.”

Susan B. Anthony List president Marjorie Dannenfelser told LifeNews.com of the educational effort.

According to an article by Steven Ertelt  LifeNews Editor, in an article  Pro-Life Women’s Group Puts 215K Behind Carly Fiorina in California Senate Race.

Carly Fiorina is the perfect pro-woman, pro-life contrast to Barbara Boxer,” said Dannenfelser.  ”The Susan B. Anthony List is dedicating significant resources in the final two weeks of the primary to educate California voters about Fiorina’s strong pro-life position and ability to beat Boxer in November.” She said.

Referring to Boxer and Campbell as “pro-abortion” is no mere misnomer but a mischaracterization and typical right wing “educational” stance regarding abortion.  This disingenuous depiction will undoubtedly be countered if Fiorina wins the primary.  Gosh I hope she does. Go Carly the lesbians support your PRIMARY.

As far as the primaries are concerned, let them waste their money on the anti-choice contender- because if Fiorina wins, hehehe,  Californians will never vote for her.  She will drive the woman to the polls to vote for Senator Boxer.

Fiorina is running for Senate on the smell of her desire for unfettered power – a loser who nudges her way into settings that exceed her capabilities and put truly competent women to shame!

Californians would like nothing more than to focus on the Pro choice winning issue  rather than on economy and LGBT wedge issues.  This is no pro-life State!   The is a death sentence state!    AND of course a Pro-choice State to the Core!

Carli will be Dead on Arrival.  SO thanks for the Money SBA List and for helping Boxer gain the momentum for the General.

“California is burdened with two female Senators who claim to represent women by pushing their radical, pro-abortion agenda, yet polling clearly shows that more and more Americans are calling themselves pro-life,’ the pro-life women’s leader added. (Okay!- that’s kewl!)

Dannenfelser continued according to the NEWLIFE Blog: “Carli Fiorina is uniquely poised to be a leader for the unborn and for women in the U.S. Senate, ushering in a new brand of ‘feminism’ that harkens back to its roots in the suffragettes and recognizes that the rights of one are not built on the broken rights of another.”  (Okay which Carly are you talking about here – the one who is a woman herself?) As the EMILY’S List-endorsed candidate, SBA says Boxer is the most aggressive champion of abortion rights in Congress and makes a Fiorina match-up ideal in the upcoming general election.

Apparently according to the Fiorina SBA  backslapping Blog , LIFENEWS -

The Susan B. Anthony List plans to spend $6 million on voter education in the midterm elections, including $3 million on key Senate races, $1 million in bundled direct candidate contributions from SBA List members and $1 million on its plan to target “pro-life” Democrats who voted for abortion funding in the health care bill.

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5-13-10  Melanie Nathan

Miley Cyrus  appeared today in the Court of Public opinion on charges of Lap Dancing at age 16; the twits are twittering, and the video event is fast going viral, within hours of the breaking news.  But You Tube keeps taking it down.

Reluctantly viewing the video, I came to the conclusion that this was indeed NO lap dance.  I always understood a lap dance to be when the subjects include the “provocator” standing and seducing a seated “provocatee,”  with grinds and boobs and pelvis – you know what I mean.

In the video I saw, they are literally on a dance floor, with Miley gyrating rear locked for a moment into her 40 year old producer’s gyrating front.  They are standing and dancing standing upright.  Yes it is provocative; yes she was only 16;  yes it was a wrap private party; and the biggest yes of all is the simple fact that every single kewl teenager of that age does just that at any given dance party.  It is the rage!

What Miley probably did not get is the high eyebrow atthe fact that dancing in that way with a 40 year old is the ‘not business as usual.’  But then look at her world- Hollywood kewl may well be different from School kewl.

The Video keeps getting deleted off you Tube. The version I saw was on Rick Sanchez, CNN.

Enough now twits lets leave it alone…. it is between the kid, her daddy and DISNEY!

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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05-09-10   Melanie Nathan

Making use of the services of Marriage Mentors, ahem, for my TAX Dollars – Wanna join me?

Anti-Gay Proponents invite Gays and Lesbians ( except they do not realize it …yet,) to join mentoring program;  Notice how matter of fact and polite my comments are. Not political simply factual.

Since I realized my right to the Marriage Matters’ mentoring services, (see Part 1) I decided to visit a second time.  I was feeling rather pensive and thought some marriage tips may help my mood. 

When I got to the site I clicked BLOG and found this note that I tried to relate to – by one, Amber DeYoung.

“My hubby has been out of town for almost 2 weeks now and has one week to go. We dated long distance (4 hours away) and got used to the phone and e-mail thing. However that doesn’t make it any easier. Business trips are a reality of the day so how do we keep in touch with each other and that makes keeping up good communication and a solid relationship tough. Heck its hard when you are both in the same house. Hubby and I are making good use of the technology around us, cell phones, pictures sent via e-mail, skype, blogs, e-mail and the like. Pictures are huge especially if you have children (or a fast growing silly acting puppy like we do.) They are a good way to keep them in the loop. Hubby is also doing a great job of letting me know he is out there by commenting on my blog (thus letting me know he is reading it) it honestly make me feel special to know that he is out there and paying attention. Also don’t forget to keep them in the loop, there are always everyday decisions that you can make on your own but don’t make the big decisions without them just because they aren’t there. Make sure you still discuss things so that you are on the same page. Lastly don’t forget the use of ’snail’ mail. What feels better than getting a care package or note in the mail from you loved one. Just ask their hotel how you can send it to them.  Amber”

My Comment- Amber, this is really good advice – I plan to relay it to my friend Phil who has been apart from his husband for about 3 years now.   This mentoring is so helpful to all married couples. Its a very sad situation; Phil is in Michigan and Rubio is in Spain.  The problem is Rubio cannot get a visa to come to the USA even though they are married. Can you imagine being apart for that long?   It’s really heartbreaking especially because Phil has a heart ailment and cannot travel away from his medical care to see hubby. So as you can imagine, being apart from your beloved for that long, and ill- and who knows how long to come, is a huge problem for any marriage.  So again thanks for the Skype tips and all that – let me pass it on to Phil – maybe it will be helpful considering the enormity of their hardship. Mel. http://www.healthy-marriage.com/index.php/our-blogs/Love-from-afar.html

Let us see how long my comment stays up – I bet Hubby will have something to say…

According to The Iowa Independent: A representative of the U.S. Healthy Marriage program (MARRIAGE MATTERS)   in Washington, D.C., told The Iowa Independent that certain overlap in spending might occur between the grantee (IFPC) and contractor programs (Marriage Matters), although not technically allowed. Marriage Matters is not registered with Iowa Secretary of State as a separate corporation, but rather as a registered trademark of the Iowa Family Policy Center. Mike Hartwig, Bryan English, Marriage Matters, The Iowa Family Policy Center and the IFPC Action PAC all share office space at 1100 N. Hickory Blvd. in Pleasant Hill, and Hartwig is paid a salary as vice president of IFPC.

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Here is a message from our President regarding mothers and Mother’s Day:

THE WHITE HOUSE
Office of the Press Secretary
For Immediate Release May 7, 2010
MOTHER’S DAY, 2010

- – - – - – -
BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA A PROCLAMATION

Generations of mothers have labored tirelessly and selflessly to support and guide their children and families. Their loving, devoted efforts have broadened horizons for their children and opened doors of opportunity for our Nation’s daughters and granddaughters. On Mother’s Day, we pay tribute to these women who have given so much of themselves to lift up our children and shape America’s character.

Julia Ward Howe, who wrote the words for the song The Battle Hymn of the Republic, led early efforts to establish a day honoring the influence of mothers on our lives and communities. In the ensuing decades, many Americans rallied to support this cause, including Anna Jarvis. After the loss of her own mother, Anna helped spur the nationwide institution of Mother’s Day we celebrate each year.

From our first moments in this world and throughout our lives, our mothers protect us from harm, nurture our spirits, and encourage us to reach for our highest aspirations. Through their unwavering commitment, they have driven and inspired countless acts of leadership, compassion, and service across our country. Many mothers have struggled to raise children while pursuing their careers, or as single parents working to provide for their families. They have carried the torch of trailblazers past, leading by powerful example and overcoming obstacles so their sons and daughters could reach their fullest potential.

Whether adoptive, biological, or foster, mothers share an unbreakable bond with their children, and Americans of all ages and backgrounds owe them an immeasurable debt. Nurturing families come in many forms, and children may be raised by two parents, a single mother, two mothers, a step-mom, a grandmother, or a guardian. Mother’s Day gives us an opportunity to celebrate these extraordinary caretakers, mentors, and providers who have made us who we are. As we honor today’s mothers, we also reflect upon the memory of those who have passed, and we renew our commitment to living the values they cultivated in us.

The Congress, by a joint resolution approved May 8, 1914 (38 Stat. 770), has designated the second Sunday in May each year as “Mother’s Day” and requested the President to call for its appropriate observance.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim May 9, 2010, as Mother’s Day. Let us express our deepest love and thanks to our mothers and remember those who, though no longer with us, inspire us still.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this seventh day of May, in the year of our Lord two thousand ten, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-fourth.

BARACK OBAMA

4-20-210 -Melanie Nathan

The response to the horrific story of Clay Greene and Harold Scull has been very gratifying and inspiring. Clearly, their story struck a chord in all of us. To some degree we can’t help imagining ourselves in exactly this situation. Forty-eight hours ago, few people knew their names, and now a Facebook page in their honor has more than 7,000 fans. Quite simply, this case demonstrates how our relationships as LGBT people are so fragile, especially when we reach our later years. Just one small incident, in this case a fall down some steps, sends the world crashing down.

This was posted by Kate Kendell on Bilerco Project.

Harold and Clay were in a committed relationship for twenty-five years, and they lived together for twenty years. Both Harold and Clay had worked in Hollywood and were passionate collectors of film memorabilia. Harold had worked for MGM studios in the 1950s and was a favorite of Louis B. Mayer in the studio’s heyday. At the same time, Clay worked in television with many popular stars of that period. In addition to his film industry career, Harold was an accomplished artist and avid collector, especially of Mexican and Central American Santos religious art and artifacts. Art, heirlooms, and memorabilia graced the walls of their leased home, in which they planned to live together until their deaths.

Several folks have commented about the legal status of Clay and Harold’s relationship. These tragic events began in April 2008, one month before the California Supreme Court’s historic marriage ruling. By the time the California Supreme Court ruled and marriages began for that brief six months, Harold was already hospitalized and Clay imprisoned in a nursing home.

We can’t change what happened to Harold and Clay, but we can do what we try to do every day: to create a world where what happened to Harold and Clay never happens again.

3/27/10-by Paula Brooks

Jesus said, “Verily I say unto you, except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.”

Good folks from all over the world are coming to the aid of the Homeless Voices for Justice program in Maine after officials of the Catholic Church withdrew funding over its supposed position on Marriage Equality in that state.

But I have to say two of those Good Samaritans have made me really proud of them.

Preble Street, a Maine social service agency that provides staff support for Homeless Voices for Justice, voted later in 2009 to join a coalition opposing the repeal of Maine’s same-sex marriage law. However, Homeless Voices for Justice, which makes its own decisions on such matters, explicitly decided to stay out of the same-sex marriage fight.

Nonetheless, within weeks of the church-led repeal of the statute, both Catholic Charities Maine and the Catholic Campaign for Human Development notified Preble Street that its support of the same-sex marriage law had violated the Homeless Voices for Justice grant agreement.

The Catholic Campaign for Human Development, which by then had sent $15,000 to the program, asked for the return of any unspent cash and cancelled its second $15,000 award. Catholic Charities Maine, meanwhile, simply demanded the return of its $2,400.

Last week after this story began to circulate, folks from around the nation began sending checks to Preble Street to replace the Catholic Church pulled and the agency’s director said that since Wednesday, about 150 new donors have given nearly $10,000 to assist Homeless Voices for Justice.

However, they will need more, so yesterday I was preparing an article to ask Lez Get Real reader to help out even more.

I was raised Catholic and I know what Jesus taught. I remember well the parable of the Good Samaritan and have been plenty annoyed at the Church for pulling this money.

There are many are parables in the Bible, but this is one has always been one of my favorites and while not a practicing catholic any more, I thought the lesson of this parable was an important one to teach my twin three year old girls Halie and Kyma. So earlier this week I pull it up on line and made the girls sit with me while I read them the Good Samaritan Story….

Teacher, what should I do so I can go to Heaven and live forever?”

Jesus replied, “What is written in the Bible? What do you think?”

The man answered, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul and with all your strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. But who is my neighbor?

The Good Samaritan children’s story.

Being 3 year olds, I got a few questions about the story from Halie and Kyma, but it had not really seemed to me that they got their heads around the deeper moral points being made in the Good Samaritan story and I came away from the experience thinking that, to Halie and Kyma, the story had no more impact that if I had read to them from Dora the Explorer’s site. But it had made me feel better for having read it to them anyway.

Let me tell you, I was way off base in my assessment of just what Halie and Kyma had come away with from our story time that day, because yesterday, as I was doing the research for this article, my girls walked into my office and with them they had their cow bank.

They said to me, “Mama will you send this money’s to thems poor peoples?”

Needless to say… they kind of floored me at first, because I sure never saw that one coming.

Then I asked them, since this was all they money they had, if they were sure about this, and wouldn’t they rather buy something for themselves?

But they assured me this was exactly what they wanted to do with their money because they “wanted to go to heaven.”

I hugged them, and then I cried at the selflessness of their act and at the fact they actually listened to me, and took to heart a very important moral lesson I thought they had completely missed.

Let me also tell you, it makes a mom proud to know when their children get it.

Today this proud mommy is writing a check to Preble Street in the amount of five dollars and sixty-seven cents for two Good Samaritans named Halie and Kyma Brooks.

We can only hope, a little child shall lead them… .

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From: The Honorable Pete Stark

via Rep. Tammy Baldwin.

Posted by Melanie Nathan 3-9-10. Every Child Deserves a Family: A Congressional Briefing on efforts to end discriminatory policies that close homes to foster children by prohibiting and restricting adoption and foster placements by LGBT families and unmarried couples.

There are approximately 125,000 foster children waiting to be adopted. With only 50,000 adoptions each year, there is a clear shortage of adoptive parents.  The result is that children, especially minority and special needs children, languish in care and bounce from placement to placement. The 25,000 youth who never find a permanent family and “age out” of the system each year are more likely than nearly any other group to become homeless, incarcerated, or suffer with mental illness or substance abuse.

Despite the need for more adoptive and permanent foster homes, some states have enacted discriminatory bans that prohibit children from being placed with qualified parents due to the parent’s sexual orientation or marital status.  The result is less children being adopted and more children bouncing around the foster care system with no permanency and no security.  In some cases these bans have resulted in a grandparent having to go through costly litigation in order to care for their own kin who are in foster care.

LGBT Caucus – invites you to a briefing to learn more about this issue and what Congress can do to fix the situation.

Date: Thursday March 11th
Time: 1:30-3:00
Location: H-137
The Hill.

Panelists will include:
•    Nakea Page and Kendra Langley- Foster Care Alumni will discuss their experiences in the child welfare system and “aging out” of the system without a family;
•    Uma Ahluwalia-Director of Montgomery County Maryland’s Department of Health and Human Services will discuss the benefits of opening as many adoptive homes as possible to foster children;
•    Charlotte Patterson- Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia will discuss 30 years of research on LGBT parenting and adoption;
•    Gary Gates- Senior Research Fellow at the Williams Institute will discuss research on the fiscal impact of banning and restricting LGBT adoption and foster parenting;
•    Leslie Cooper- Senior Staff Attorney at the ACLU will discuss ongoing litigation at the state level to overturn discriminatory adoption bans;
•    Martin Gill- Foster parent engaged in litigation to be able to adopt two brothers he and his partner have been fostering since 2004.

If you have any questions, please contact Jeff Hild  jeff.hild@mail.house.gov.

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Melanie Nathan, 3-4-10 Posts: – The need for immigration reform is at a critical level  in the USA; fueled by complicated, outdated, hardhearted laws; not to mention the heavy hand  of enforcement.   I speak English in an almost English accent with a South African twist;  I am white and immigrated to the US, legally; it was one of the worst experiences of my life. The treatment was bad-rude-ill fitting for a nation that purports to value people and family.

I have also been witness to the insidious way Hispanic people and other immigrants are treated by Immigration bureaucrats and it is not pretty. Now albeit cliche′d, this system is indeed broken.  Families are separated, children without mothers and fathers, people get sent back to places they have never lived in and cannot survive,  and of course the list goes on.

This is all known and I am not saying anything new; in fact I have over simplified a problem of tsunami proportion.  My purpose to place the following letter into minimalist context.

In March  3, 2010 a Republican politician wrote this  Letter to the editor in the Washington Post. After reading the letter which I have copied here – close your eyes and guess who wrote it.  Then we can chuckle together. Please tell me its me who is the moron.  I know there is a left brain and right brain, my question is : IS there a third brain that I know nothing about?

The Feb. 21 news story “Republican Party looks to rebuild support among Hispanics” portrayed the courtship of the Hispanic vote as an uphill battle.

But despite the rhetoric of groups that favor amnesty for illegal immigrants, the Hispanic vote cannot be successfully wooed by a “one-hit wonder” version of immigration reform. The Hispanic vote can be won by returning to the values that have drawn more than 38 million immigrants to our shores. Job security, affordable health care and national security are issues that affect every American, regardless of race or ethnicity.

President Bush received 40 percent of the Hispanic vote by focusing not on immigration but on the need to support small businesses, create jobs and preserve familial values. Republicans can secure the Hispanic vote by emphasizing those issues that unite us as a country, issues that extend far beyond immigration.

BY Lamar Smith, Washington, The writer, a Republican, represents Texas’s 21st District in the House of Representatives.
Washington D.C. Office
2409 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
ph: 202-225-4236 fax: 202-225-8628

Now it is my turn Lamar DeVille…..   You say “wooed by a “one-hit wonder” version of immigration reform.” Are you kidding me? Have you ever experienced what it feels like to be separated from a spouse, from your child?  Have you ever had to choose between children?  Those who have will give anything for a one-hit wonder” version of immigration reform.  Republicans  and all who think like this clearly devoid of any and all humanness.

These are your evil people – they will grind their mothers into chopped meatballs for a friggin vote. In this case the irony s that this bloke has successfully argued himself out of any Hispanic votes, lest he forget their loyalty, the fact that many  voted for Bush because he spoke Spanish and now they realize they were fooled – not only did Bush do nothing for the Hispanic community but  he ordered raids that forced people from their homes and out of the arms of their children, into detention centers and onto Buses back to wherever the first cross border stop was.

Lamar you songololo schmendrik – I give the Hispanic community credit for intelligence – never to be swayed by your crotchety old rhetoric and your BS attempt at persuasion.

Then he says - “The Hispanic vote can be won by returning to the values that have drawn more than 38 million immigrants to our shores.” Yes and like me Mr Moron they had to fight like hell to remain in this country.  What the heck are you talking about. You want the existing 12 million out of here and then you want to create jobs so you can draw others back?

Giving Amnesty will entrench family values – Giving amnesty will encourage entrepreneurship amongst the minority immigrant communities, where money will be spent and economy can grow.  I know there are studies to prove this- however it does not take a genius to figure it out.

“President Bush received 40 percent of the Hispanic vote by focusing not on immigration but on the need to support small businesses, create jobs and preserve familial values.”

Yes he did – seemed like a nice guy – he spoke Spanish and he smiled nicely. Little did they know that racist and war criminal Cheney would run the show instead.  Do you think they would be foolish to come to the polls for more of that?

Let me ask one more question – of Lamar – why is focusing on immigration and the need to support small business etc mutually exclusive; one does not preclude the other?

In light of the recent Power point presentation uncovering the dubious tactics of Republican strategists – I can truly see the underlying working papers that serve to create such ploys, but in your surreptitious charade you truly fail to see who the Hispanic people are.  They are family values, the do work hard, they have hearts that pump blood, they are mothers, dads and kids, teachers, they boost the economy,  they buy homes, they are our workforce, the pray in church, they get scholarships to good schools, they are judges and doctors.   They deserve better laws than we have – they deserve America’s appreciation for who they are and for what they do.  Yes they do…. we should do all we can to keep good people here.

If the laws were effective, we would not have undocumented people in this country. The law is counter productive to the need.  Supply and demand Lamar. The demand is indeed there for Hispanic immigrants and for all immigrants, so stop using your sleazy tactics – BS – ALL you are saying is – “DO NOT VOTE FOR IMMIGRATION REFORM” fellow Republicans… we can do other things instead?   Lets do what Bush did- keep them all illegal but nurture small business instead – then the actual Hispanic citizens will vote for us, especially while they watch you arrest and deport their neighbors, whom you could have kept here.

We will get the votes – after all its all about the votes – it is merely about the votes… lets do this and we will get their votes…  !

USA Today features dueling views on immigration solutions - June 29, 2009 – Posted by Katherine Vargas  – The current economic recession not as a roadblock to reform but as an opportunity to fix our current immigration system:

” …the recession has been teaching some useful lessons about how to ease the [immigration] crisis. Even before rising unemployment began to affect Americans, Mexicans were reacting to the changing jobs climate. Data just out from the Mexican government show 226,000 fewer people emigrated from Mexico in the year ended August 2008 than during the prior year. That’s a 25% drop.

…the recession is delivering another message: Enforcement alone won’t resolve the problem. If fewer illegal immigrants are coming, there’s no evidence yet that those already here are leaving. In 2008, there were still about 12 million illegal residents in the USA, only slightly down from 2007, according to the Pew Hispanic Center, a Washington think tank.

Presumably, they sense that tough times here mean tougher times where they came from, and Pew notes that many have families here, including children who are citizens. Which means the nation should provide a way for the most qualified to become legal, productive, taxpaying citizens.

—Recession freezes immigration debate but points to answers, June 29, 2009

This piece mirrors what we have often said: On immigration, it’s the economy, stupid. Undocumented immigration responds more to economic pull factors —like the ability to find a job to feed your family — than the politics of immigration enforcement tactics. If we want to move forward on immigration, we need less politicking and more problem-solving.

Unfortunately, not everyone got the memo. Although quietly acknowledging that mass deportation of 12 million undocumented immigrants is derisible —not to mention a logistical and resource nightmare— there are some who argue that “attrition through enforcement” could be a viable alternative to broad reform of our immigration system.

Enter Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX). In his opinion piece, he makes numerous false claims on reform, including how legalization would bankrupt the Social Security system, despite economic reports that document the increasingly important role that immigrants can play in overcoming the demographic crisis and shoring up not only Social Security and Medicare, but the U.S. tax base and the U.S. workforce as well. He also writes:

Granting amnesty would increase illegal immigration…   To achieve immigration reform, the choices are not just amnesty or mass deportation. A strategy of “attrition through enforcement” would dramatically reduce the number of illegal immigrants over time. If the federal government enforced our immigration laws, especially those that target the employment of illegal workers, many illegal immigrants would simply return home because they can’t get jobs. Others would never come to the USA in the first place because they would not be hired

—Opposing view: Amnesty makes no sense, June 29, 2009

Wrong. The enforcement only approach toward solving our nation’s immigration problems is unrealistic and ineffective. Despite of the last administration’s beefed up enforcement tactics, there was only a small decrease in the undocumented population. Unless restriction-ists think that “attrition through economic recession” is the next big proposal, we need to come up with real practical solutions.

Immigration reform would help curtail illegal immigration. It would transform a disorderly immigration system that fosters illegality into a controlled and functioning legal immigration system that accurately responds to the economic and labor needs of our country. It would secure our borders by targeting enforcement resources to fighting crime, drugs and violence; it would restore fairness to our labor markets and it will uphold workers rights and values and traditions that unite all Americans.”

Melanie Nathan

By Melanie Nathan.
nathan@privatecourts.com
www.oblogdeeoblogda.com
www.privatecourts.com

Congressman Lamar Smith’s Biography (nice guy?)

A senior Member of the Texas Congressional Delegation, Congressman Lamar Smith has left his imprint on public policy through a variety of leadership positions and by advancing dozens of pieces of legislation.
Congressman Smith has been named one of the 100 most influential people in Washington by the National Journal and one of the nation’s top “influencers *and innovators” by Fast Company Magazine, which serves the technology industry.
In the last Congress, Congressman Smith was selected by his House colleagues as the Ranking Republican Member of the Judiciary Committee. As the top Republican, he helps shape committee policy on crime, immigration, intellectual property, and constitutional issues. Congressman Smith also serves on both the Homeland Security Committee, which considers legislation involving the war on terror, and the Science and Technology Committee, which has jurisdiction over renewable energy policies, environmental research, and America’s space program.  Representative Smith is a member of the House Republican Steering Committee, which appoints members and chairmen of committees.  He is a former Chairman of the Ethics Committee and a former member of the Budget Committee.
A fifth-generation Texan, Congressman Smith graduated from Yale University and Southern Methodist University School of Law. He and his wife, Beth, have an adult daughter and son.  The 21st Congressional District includes portions of Bexar and Travis Counties and all of Comal, Real, Kerr, Bandera, Kendall and Blanco Counties. More than 650,000 people live in the District.   Congressman Smith received the third highest number of votes in any contested congressional race in the last election. * not a real word.   Quoting from Lamar’s website.

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ROSIE O'DONNELL- CREDIT: ABC/ DONNA SVENNEVIK

What is a family? Sometimes it’s a mom and dad and their kids. Or it might be kids with just a mom or dad. Or it could be kids who have more than one mom or dad. While the answer varies, all families share one vital ingredient: love.

A FAMILY IS A FAMILY IS A FAMILY, A ROSIE O’DONNELL Documentary set to premier on HBO JAN. 31 (7:00-7:40 p.m. ET/PT), is a moving portrait of the remarkable diversity of families today that challenges stereotypes, highlighting same-sex parents, mixed-heritage families, single parents and stories of adoption. Children speak from the heart about parents, siblings, marriage and love in the exclusive documentary.

In the special, Rosie O’Donnell also talks with her daughter Vivienne Rose about how their family which includes sister Chelsea, brothers Parker and Blake and parents Rosie and Kelli came about. Following her recent separation from Kelli, O’Donnell reaffirms the importance of family in a talk with Vivienne Rose, saying, “Even though Mommy Kelli and I aren’t living in the same house anymore, we’re still a family. Family is forever. And family is love.”

In A FAMILY IS A FAMILY, kids offer touching, profound and often funny insights about what being a family means to them. Among those featured are: children with two fathers or two mothers; a girl whose mother and father adopted her in China; three brothers who live with their mother and grandmother; a pair of mothers who are getting married to make one big family; and families with adopted kids and children born through in-vitro fertilization.

Interspersed with these portraits are musical performances and animated interludes, including: reggae star Ziggy Marley, his mother Rita Marley and sister Cedella Marley performing “I Love You Too”; four-year-old Najorae and her father singing their original song “Love Is the Thing;” 11-year-old Martin and his seven brothers and sisters performing “Cario (My Love),” nine-year-old Joey singing “Raised on Love,” a song he wrote with his mom and dad; and folk musician Elizabeth Mitchell performing “Blue Clouds” with husband Daniel Littleton and seven-year-old daughter Storey.

O’Donnell’s tongue-in-cheek performance of “My Science Project” tells the animated story of a young girl whose class project describes the scientific way she came to be. And Frank Sinatra’s rendition of “Too Marvelous for Words” is accompanied by an animated sequence of a sperm in top hat serenading a glamorous egg.

The soundtrack of A FAMILY IS A FAMILY IS A FAMILY also includes original songs written for the special, among them: “And Mom and Kid,” by They Might Be Giants, “My Family,” by Sweet Honey in the Rock and “A New Generation (Conner’s Theme),” by Charles Strouse. In addition to “Too Marvelous for Words,” classic recordings featured are “Baby Mine,” sung by Bonnie Raitt and Was (Not Was) and “A Bushel and a Peck,” performed by Doris Day.

A FAMILY IS A FAMILY IS A FAMILY is directed and produced by Amy Schatz, whose credits include such award-winning HBO family productions as the “Classical Baby” series and the special “Goodnight Moon & Other Sleepy time Tales.” Some of the recordings are brought to animated life by Emmy(R)-winning animator Maciek Albrecht, whose previous HBO credits include the “Classical Baby” series and numerous other productions.

A FAMILY IS A FAMILY IS A FAMILY: A ROSIE O’DONNELL CELEBRATION is executive produced by Rosie O’Donnell and Sheila Nevins for HBO Documentary Films; directed and produced by Amy Schatz; produced by Beth Aala and Sabina Barach; edited by Tom Patterson; directors of photography, Alex Rappoport and Joel Shapiro; animation by Maciek Albrecht; music supervisor, Linda Cohen; production executive, Susan Benaroya; supervising producer, Jacqueline Glover.

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  O K K I E S (ah-keez’) n.: plural of Okkie, familiar form of Oscar   – When I first arrived in New York City from South Africa, albeit an attorney , my foreign-ness made finding work near impossible.  I moved to Los Angeles and soon found myself running around the City with one of Los Angeles’ most well known celebrity stylists.  As it happens Lauren Landau Hines is my first cousin and I could not be more proud of her achievements.  She scooped me in her protective arms and I was able to help her with Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation, working specifically with the late great Cyd Charrise who had a cameo in one of the music videos as well as a few other exciting projects.  Lauren has since honed her skills to fill a gap (no pun intended) -  she found that there was no loose comfortable  stylish clothes for boys.

Although accomplished, Lauren is probably the single most modest person one could meet, never touting her  ‘own horn’ and it’s a big one that should be blasted loudly. There is barely an issue of People, US, OK and other tabloids that does not show a celebrity child wearing one of Lauren’s simple and recognizable  OKKIE designs.  Now Lauren tells her career story in her own words:-

The thread that repeatedly weaves its way through my life and career is, well, literally thread. Actually, it’s the cut, color and fabrication of clothing that are among my most important memories and, later, my influences.

Born in South Africa, I attended a conservative elementary school that required me to wear uniform dress – a blazer, button-down shirt, skirt, hat and tie. Freedom came at the end of the day and on weekends when I donned my favorite outfit: bright yellow cropped palazzo pants paired with a tank top. I can picture the pants clearly; I remember how they felt against my body.  

At 14, my family and I immigrated to Los Angeles, where in High School, freed from a dress code, clothing was a means of self-expression. I used my mom’s idle sewing machine to make my own clothes that broadcast my membership in the artsy crowd. I was really into upholstery fabric in high school, I made an upholstery fabric pajama outfit with gold buttons that I lived in.

After high school, I moved to New York City to attend design school. Soon my school internship turned into a full-time job: I worked as a freelance editorial stylist for Interview, Details and Face, the fashion-forward magazines of the day. My work was heavily influenced by the aesthetic of my favorite designers Issey Miyake, Yohji Yamamoto and Rei Kawakubo, whose clothing lines continue to inspire. These Japanese designers effortlessly reduce fashion to simple sophistication; it is amazing how they delineate colors using a monochromatic color palette. And their designs artfully balance practicality with playfulness, seriousness with humor. Yet their clothes don’t overwhelm, instead they enable the wearer to express his or her own personality. 

In 1987 I returned to LA to broaden my freelance stylist and costume designer career. I created costumes for music videos, concert tours and album covers, adding Janet Jackson, the Rolling Stones and Sting, to my client list. I also collaborated with television and print-ad directors styling and designing costumes for A-List commercial accounts such as Coke, Nike and Visa/MasterCard.

In 2001 I added motherhood to my resume with the birth of Hugo and, later, Oscar – nicknamed Okkie by his big brother. Watching my two young, constantly moving boys was easier than finding boy-appropriate clothing. At that time, girls had many fashion choices, boys much fewer. I struggled to find comfortable, easy-care, hip boys’ wear. Choices seemed locked into a few silhouettes merchandised in standard denims, fleeces and twills, in boy-accepted primary colors.

It was in the limited boys’ wear market that I saw opportunity. In 2005, as a natural next-step in my 20 years experience in the fashion industry, I designed and introduced OKKIES, a line of boys’ pants. With four pant silhouettes merchandised in a variety of fashion-forward colorations and menswear patterns, OKKIES debuted in five stores its first season. By fall 2006, I was designated best new designer by the online children’s clothing expert jamesgirone.com. In October 2008, Earnshaw’s national retail survey named OKKIES one of the top three best-designed collections in the boys’ wear industry. 

I am very excited to introduce my newest lifestyle-designed collection: OKKIES ‘girl’, a full line of feminine, but not frilly, interpretations of OKKIES’ best-selling silhouettes, for fall, 2009.

OKKIES girls’ wear Fall 2009 line features 16 styles in a full line silhouettes – from pants to shirts, dresses to leggings, sweaters, jackets and beanies – for size 3 months to 12 years. OKKIES boys’ wear Fall 2009 line features 19 styles – from pants to shirts, sweaters and hoodies, to beanies also for sizes 3 months to 12 years.

I have created OKKIES as a lifestyle approach to clothing – a lifestyle of ease of wear, clothing that allows them to move, stretch, run, climb and relax without restriction. For parents, that lifestyle is about comfort and more. It’s about clothes that are high-quality; that are wash-and-wear; that are appropriate for a full day of activity, going from a play date to dinner with grandma; that reflect an awareness and appreciation of fashion trends without being fussy or over done; that don’t express ‘generic kid’ but allows an individual’s personality to shine.

Up until now OKKIES have been available in over 500 specialty stores throughout the country, but moving forward, we will be offering our lifestyle approach to clothing directly to our customers on our website.

 Enjoy! go to http://okkies.com/information.php/about-i-1     You can take advantage of the online 48 hour sale – great Holiday Gifts

Posted by Melanie Nathan

 Follow my Twittering  @oblogdeeoblogda

Senator Leahy and Melanie Nathan 6/3/09

By Melanie Nathan:- When I met Senator Leahy, I was touched by his compassion, his sensitivity and his veracity. Most of all he is a champion for equality and as a supporter of UAFA, and has done much for our LGBT binational immigration.   I would like to support Senator Leahy in his endeavors, first and foremost because he has my trust and faith.

On Tuesday Senator Leahy took to the Senate floor and formally filed an amendment to repeal the antitrust exemption for health insurance companies and it has already 18 co-sponsors signed on.

In the senator’s words, “I look forward to debating this critical measure during our deliberations on the broader health care reform bill. After all, to bring insurance costs down, we’ve got to introduce more competition in the marketplace — and my amendment will do just that.”

More Senators ought to join to get this critical amendment passed. 

Click here to forward an email to your Senators now — and urge them to support our amendment to repeal the antitrust exemption for health insurance companies!

I have not read the amendment but the Senator assures that amendment will introduce antitrust oversight to the health insurance industry, ruling out of bounds egregious anti-competitive conduct like the currently activated and detrimental price fixing loophole which  raises our health costs.  

There will be no real Health Care reform until, inter alia, the health insurance industry is forced to compete on a level playing field just like every other business in America, large and small. In all fairness, consumers must know that the price they’re being quoted is a concomitant of a free and fair marketplace.

The senator in a letter to his on-line community implored our support “That’s why this amendment repealing the health insurance industry’s antitrust exemption is so important — but I need your help, right now, to get it passed.” Call your representatives and Senators to ensure they support the Bill and this critical principle.

 So having been challenged by the admin of Cath -Pews I am providing a cryptic analysis based of one such article promoted by Cath Pews.   I have provided a demarcation between the article wording and my comments as can be seen from ITALIC BOLD = CATH-PEWS and REGULAR= Melanie.

 ANDERSON:-   ARTICLE :_
How to Make the Case for Marriage ,
(Using Non-religious Language)  
By Mary Jo Anderson

 Whether we like it or not, secularism is the dominant mode of public discourse today. Even those we encounter who are not “anti-faith” often place a high value on their understanding of “separation of church and state.”  Catholics must therefore be prepared to support moral positions without recourse to Scripture or religious vocabulary. That is an enormous challenge to Catholics who want to defend and preserve marriage as the only healthy model for an orderly society.  Before we go any further, we should make it clear that using secular terms to make the case for marriage in secular terms in no way suppresses or denies the faith. While it does omit a higher dimension of marriage, the secular case is effective because all truth—including the truth about men and women, marriage and family—is God’s truth. 

 MELANIE – Anderson, the Author provides an excuse and subversive means to hide the intention of faith behind overt secular language. This article is all but a ruse a desperate attempt to provide secular legitimacy to a faith based argument.  You cannot hide behind the intention! Simply ridiculous!

 ANDERSON – As such, it has an internal coherence that is part of the created order. One need not credit God with the physical laws of nature, such as gravity, to know that gravity works. Where the physical laws are violated, breakdown occurs. The same goes for the moral realm: A violation of God’s moral order brings chaos in human relationships. The evidence of that chaos is the source of the daily headlines and the nightly news broadcasts. When people of faith make the case for marriage using this kind of evidence, it is less likely to be perceived as “imposing religion.”

 MELANIE:-  This is a flagrant misrepresentation, as is the entire surreptitious intent of this article-  (A Catholic Virtue – to be manipulative and furtive? Anderson is providing the readers a way to Circumvent the truth of their own assertions by trying to slip it into secular form; a clear case of scape-goating?  How do we know that the church itself is not to blame for the depravity on earth?  After all the church has a violent history, borne through war for conversion!

ANDERSON   There is a secular argument for preserving natural marriage as the only legal definition of marriage and the one model of family life deserving of tax relief. The major building blocks are these:

1.             Nations that fail to form families suffer grave consequences, including loss of workers, loss of tax base, and decline in human ingenuity and productivity

MELANIE :-  “The proof of the pudding is in the eating”   as my beloved granny Rose would say: Firstly there are an ever increasing amount of Gay families out there.  In the US and abroad who are contributing to society in a big way.   The new census  2010, may reveal these numbers.  Let me give you my family as one itsy bitsy example and as a metaphor for all of us:-

I am a lesbian. I married spouse under California Law. We have been together for almost 10 years.  

I went to University for many years and have law degrees, which I use in my Conflict Resolution and Mediation practice, which I established over ten years ago.  I used to practice law and decided I would prefer to resolve conflict through mediation.  I function as any other American who owns a business.  The fact that my spouse is of the same sex has zero impact on my productivity or functionality.   In fact I was recently appointed by our County Board of Supervisors as a Commissioner on the County Human Rights Commission.  I serve on the Board as Vice President of A Fair Housing Group and volunteer in our congregation on social justice issues. I volunteer in the Courts to mediate family law matters for people who cannot afford attorneys.  I advocate in DC for equality. I would say about 90% of my free time is devoted to volunteer or pro bono work.   

My spouse teaches Hebrew language to children and adults; as well as bible studies.  She has   almost complete a Masters in Education.  She is brilliant and spends much of her free time with our children.  Our four year old has never had a babysitter because one of us is with the kids at all times.

In fact your argument is so false it makes an argument for the fact that we NEED EQUALITY.  You see we do not get to file Federal tax returns together and so everything costs us more. We have no Federal government benefits.   Your argument highlights that gay families are discriminated (in fact your thesis even calls for the discrimination …”no tax relief..”) against because within the realm of our productivity we are denied the  benefits that you get as a result of your productivity = unequal!   Your productivity does not endure as a result of your sex nor that of your spouse; my production does not occur as a result of my sex or the fact that my spouse is of the same sex.   The government takes our tax money- but as separate and not as joint, while we function as fiscally joint. Your argument has no foundation and simply makes no sense.

We have two daughters.  One was adopted from an orphanage in Vietnam as an infant, suffering from malnutrition and scabies; and is now a thriving all A’s scholar, budding young leader, who loves to help those less fortunate than herself.  She has great talent and will certainly be a productive and well adjusted adult. She will go to University, get a degree, help others, continue to volunteer for our congregation which focuses on helping the needy.  Just last week her class organized a lunch for homeless people in the area. This is not just a one- time event.   

My second daughter was conceived through donor sperm and Artificial Insemination.  She is four now and very smart. We were able to choose sperm of a genius and so have contributed to the population. Who knows maybe our daughter will be President of this Country. Who knows maybe our daughter will be the one to find a cure for diabetes, cancer, aids. Point is – we as a family have conscientiously and decidedly contributed to the increase of population and done so in a responsible fashion.

The adoption costs us about $35,000 and the insemination cost us about $8,000.  So you can see by choosing our modes of ‘birth” if you will, we have contributed to the economy.  We have saved a child from a difficult life and turned it into a situation where she will be ready to give to society in a big way. We pay for childcare, we pay for extra -activities, we pay for clothes, for food

IN SUM ,  Anderson  re my family:

1. We have added to human ingenuity;
2. We provide tax base plus more than we ought to if we had equality;
3.We are an extraordinarily productive family and contribute to our economy in a big way;
4. There are hundreds of thousands of other families like us- maybe millions;
5. If we had equal rights then we would have an opportunity to have more contributing gay families – and increase productivity.    

Conclusion – This  Anderson Argument is DOA!

ANDERSON:-  2. The question is not about denying individual rights but about promoting the good of the whole society.

MELANIE:- This is the argument that I just cannot understand. Most Pedophiles are straight white men.  Most incest occurs via straight fathers raping their children.  The US divorce rate is high;   we all know and easily condoned by Churches – some of which choose annulment. The latter simply denies the marriage ever took place even though there are children. Is that not destructive on society and morality?  

This particular statement made me laugh because of the contradiction in terms.  Ms. Anderson   we will be promoting the good of society if we had equal rights.  How can you on any level think that by denying equality society will improve? (Maybe we ought to bring Jesus in here – lest I forget this is a secular argument.)   Inequality leads to hate, validates inequities and injustice on a secular level. The scales are tipped. People suffer terrible hardship, such as Shirley Tan who highlights the plight of all  binational gay couples.   You tube and hear her testimony.

The question IS about denying rights and in doing so you are promoting an unequal society.  Argument DOA.

ANDERSON:-  3. Marriage and family provide benefits to society by producing, raising, and educating the next generation.

MELANIE:- Gay and lesbian families are in no way deterred in this function. We are already doing this and having equal rights and benefits will only strengthen our ability to be more even productive. Oh yes… Britney Spears marrying for 24 hours is productive; reality shows making a mockery of marriage where you line up bachelors and pretend to fall in love for TV exposure is a fine way to honor marriage and maintain its sanctity.  I could go on…. Let us add this to our secular argument.   Anderson Argument DOA.

ANDERSON:-  4. A strong family life offers the benefits of mental and emotional health.

MELANIE : Gay and lesbian families are in no way deterred in this function. We are already doing this and having equal benefits and rights will only strengthen our health.  Studies have been done to show how stressful it can be not to have equal rights.   

What part of my family life is not strong?  What position is Ms. Anderson in to make that assumption or judgment unless based on falsehood.  Would you like testimonials from my daughter’s school, from my clergy?  From my neighbors, from the homeless guys we fed yesterday?  Are you thinking my kids will turn out to be criminals? Are you presuming that my emotional and mental State is not in good order?  Simply ludicrous.  I can list the names of professionals, judges, politicians, moms, teachers, doctors, scientists, professors who are openly gay and who offer perfect emotional and mental health in living their lives at home and in society.  Who are you using as your example the ‘straight’ Senator with a straight marriage who played tootsie- footsie under the toilet door with a male prostitute?

 It is not possible with the amount of parental involvement and love we provide, to imagine that my home is anything but emotionally stable.  I am  not in need of super nanny and nor do I need a reality show.    There are studies showing that gay parents are of a high caliber and that we provide good and safe homes for our kids. . There are many millions of emotionally imbalanced straight families.  What about the woman, Smith who drove her kids into a pond and drowned them?   The mother who drowned five kids in the bath tub?  The suicides stemming from military returning home from WAR? What about the child abuse day to day; the trash who loose their kids in the night to suspect circumstances? You only have to watch Nancy Grace’s show to see that my life and that of hundreds of thousands of gay families have had nothing to do with the sicko’s in this society.  Straight America is doing fine in its own destruction without gay help or influence. I challenge you to find one gay family convicted of murder.   Anderson argument = DOA

ANDERSON:-  5. These blocks build on the foundation of the common good: shared commitment to a society ordered to the good of the most members.   No Marriage, No Civilization

MELANIE:- Exactly and thanks for making my case and RESTING  MY CASE FOR ME-  THANKS MARY JO ANDERSON – not only have you failed to make your secular argument but you have revealed a furtive attempt to avoid the faith based argument AND  you have successfully made the argument for WHY GAY MARRIAGE EQUALITY WILL ACTUALLY ENHANCE SOCIETY.  

  Yeah – at last We are in agreement marriage – Civilization – Give everyone the right to marriage one person of their choice regardless of sexual identity. This secular argument, albeit furtive,  works after all. It works for our equality and not against it.  So maybe Ms. Anderson your attempts have backfired and you should go back to your religious argument. In truth the religious argument is the only one that may hold any relevance at all and to that end I say thank G-d for the separation of Church and State.

In the words of Anderson per an article on credentials for Bishops “Our bishops must foster authentic marriage and family life. In the heart of the family the dignity of the human person is taught and the future is nurtured. Healthy families are the source of a moral people, ethical citizens, and vocations,” she concluded. ”

In light of this comment Ms. Anderson how hypocritical is it of you to argue against marriage for all G-d’s flock?

  Mary Jo Anderson :-  

By Blogger, Melanie Nathan, contact
nathan@privatecourts.com /
www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com

I watched the Joy Behar show on TV last night.  Her guests explored a “home for the hols” topic, with an emphasis on their personal coming out experiences and the difficulties in coming out to family, or having same-sex partner be invited to the family table. The guests included Judy Gold comedienne. The show can be viewed at  http://joybehar.blogs.cnn.com/.

Clearly Ms. Behar is a great advocate for the LGBT community, albeit perhaps inadvertent. She has a distinctive ability to address issues within the realm of acceptance and not mere tolerance.  In providing the voice to one who says he is sick at the thought of male and male sex, – and the humor that ensued as a result, enhances her credibility and showcases the issue. The concerns and hardships for the LGBT community are expressed through the personal experiences and stories of the of guests who wear their “out” badges so proudly on their sleeves.

This Thanksgiving I want to thank Ms. Behar on behalf of our community, for providing a forum where we do not feel we are portrayed as an oddity or slither of irrelevant society, despite the ratings risks that may result.   She has a special gift where her “chutzpah-esque” humor transcends any possibility of alienation by landing squarely on the side of the person who she perceives as just another person.  The talent is in her ability to highlight the issue without making it an issue. You go Joy Behar. We love you dearly and oh yes “thanks!” Happy Thanks giving to All at LGR – Writers, Publisher Paula, Lizzy, Bridgette, Sei – Readers, Fans, Bloggers, Activists, Binational couples in hiding or exile abroad.!

Blogged by Melanie Nathan, -
Mama- Wife- Writer- Activist – Lawyer- Friend
www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com 
Contact:-  nathan@privatecourts.com
www.privatecourts.com, www.divorcemediators.us

 • Among lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender persons, the health of bisexual and transgender people is somewhat worse than their heterosexual and non-transgender counterparts, respectively.

• The health of lesbian, gay, people is comparable to that of heterosexual respondents. However, lesbians were less likely to have routine pap tests compared with their heterosexual female counterparts.

• Transgender persons had worse outcomes with respect to self‐reported health, disability status, depression, anxiety, suicide ideation, and lifetime violence victimization.

• Bisexual respondents how worse outcomes with respect to self‐reported health, disability status, suicide ideation, as well as lower rates of mammography for bisexual women compared with their heterosexual female counterparts.

• Legally married same‐sex couples were more likely to obtain health insurance through their spouse’s employer than non‐legally same sex couples.

 This research validates the research on other minority populations that associates stigma and other social determinants with poor health outcomes.  The health disparities faced by minority groups are all too common. Increasingly, there are more theories regarding the factors that lead to health disparities. Research increasingly points to a range of social inequities including income, access to health care or insurance, and housing as factors that impact everyone regardless of race, sexual orientation or gender. However, there are theories specific to minority groups that add additional factors based on minority status.

 Recent changes, including marriage equality, may be helping to reduce disparities for lesbians and gay men, possibly by providing greater access to health insurance.  However, transgender persons still face major barriers with respect to employment nondiscrimination, public accommodations and general social acceptance. This report finds transgender persons reporting the highest level of health disparities.  See http://www.mass.gov/Eeohhs2/docs/dph/commissioner/lgbt_health_report.pdf

One big hit is when it comes to  Gay Men and Women with Diabetes  -    Could the medical community be overlooking 2.5 million people who have diabetes?  Currently, 23.6 million children and adults in the United States, or 7.8 percent of the population, have diabetes. Although an estimated 17.9 million of them have been diagnosed, 5.7 million (nearly one quarter) are unaware that they have the disease.  If lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered (LGBT) people comprise 10 percent of the U.S. population, then 10 percent of people with diabetes are part of the LGBT community-about 2.5 million people.  (Another reason to participate in the 2010 census.)

Lack of equality has always been a problem as we all know, but when it comes to specific stories we realize just how hard we must fight, because our lack of rights  detrimentaly impact  every aspect of our lives.  When Jim went to a local emergency room  for kidney stones, he experienced an episode of hypoglycemia. While he was trying to get a nurse’s attention to explain what was happening, his blood sugar sank to a dangerous 19 mg/dL and he began to have a seizure. The emergency staff rushed to raise his blood sugar and admit him to the intensive care unit, but no one bothered to tell his spouse, John, who was scared and confused.   Yet another example of the loneliness of marriage for a gay couple in the US.

“ Diabetes is a stress in any relationship and  when you combine that with the added stresses of life as a lesbian or a gay man-whether you are open about it or not-there is a great need for LGBT people with diabetes and the partners who support them to receive services and information geared to their unique needs, “  Said John from DANG Foundation.   

With the help available in the myriad of articles and unique content provided by  pre-eminent sites like the Diabetes Health Website,  and an increased awareness of one’s right to fight…. my message is fight for your rights and fight for your health…and fight for your health so you can fight for your rights.

Blog by Melanie Nathan

 The entire article can be read here http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-elizabeth-smart18-2009nov18,0,6807810.story 

The idea came when I  looked up my new office location on  the National Sex Offender regisrty to find a competing bevy of sites all claiming to have the ultimate access and accuracy.  Punch in your zip and up pops the message – “we have found ten sex offenders in your area…. give us your credit card number and pay $$ and then we will show you who they are.”

Amazing how many sex offender registries sites are online, the  LEZ BE SMART amongst us find that all you need do is go to this website at the Justice Department and there will be no charge at all for the same information. 

http://www.nsopw.gov/Core/Conditions.aspx?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1

In naming this  column Lez Be Smart Iplan on reporting on ALL consumer related matters, including matters of safety.

Posted by Melanie Nathan.

The Stupak Amendment is discriminatory, extreme, and just plain wrong. At Lez Get Real we have been reporting and commenting on the Stupak Amendment, and we are not letting up – why? Because it will take away health insurance coverage that women already have. This would be a huge step back for women’s health. Now this together with the suggestion by Government Task Force regarding Breast Cancer screening at age 50 as the new recommendation is simply unacceptable and worthy of a revolution for our health!!! The mere fact that they can think this up is disturbing to me….

We support Senator Barbara Boxer’s (D-CA) launch of a petition because women must not be denied access to safe and legal medical procedures. If you want to join : click here -Senator Boxer wrote her supporters and saying: “For decades, a very difficult and delicate compromise has held firm: Women can use their own private funds for legal reproductive health care procedures, but federal funds cannot be used for abortion except in cases of rape, incest, or to protect the life of the mother. But in a stunning turn of events, anti-choice House members passed the Stupak Amendment as part of the health care reform bill and shattered that compromise. The House amendment would tell women who participate in the new health insurance exchange that they can’t even use their own funds to buy a policy that includes abortion coverage. We need to be sure that all our voices are heard clearly on this issue.”
Boxer asks: “How can we tell women that they will lose coverage that they already have? How can we tell women that they can’t buy insurance coverage for a legal health care procedure, even if it’s paid for with their own money?”

 SIGN THE PETITION and then visit our site in the next few days for my personal story on how Breast Cancer Screening in my forties saved my life…   

Blogged by: Melanie Nathan, nathan@privatecourts.com : Picture – Credit to Artist Benny Ovid, Tel Aviv, Israel – Thanks to  Dorit Israel, from her Personal Art Collection.

Hours after the LDS Church announced its support Tuesday night of proposed Salt Lake City ordinances aimed at protecting gay and transgender residents from discrimination in housing and employment, the City Council unanimously approved the measures.

Mormon teachings assert that the Church believes in human dignity, respect even when in disagreement.   The Council opted to vote after dozens of residents in the overflowing crowd expressed their support. “Guaranteeing a right to fair housing and fair employment is not an issue of compromise,” Councilwoman Jill Remington Love said. “We are a stronger, better city this evening. I’m proud to serve on a City Council where this isn’t even controversial.”

Yet that said what about the Mormon money for Prop 8 Hate ads which I believe got the vote against Gay marriage. Perhaps we should read into what may be a slap in the fact statement when Michael Otterson, a spokesperson  intrigued with “The church supports these ordinances, because they are fair and reasonable and do not do violence to the institution of marriage.”  I imagine still justifying their interference in another State. If described in these terms as to do VIOLENCE- imagine how passionate they must have been when parting with those furtive millions! So inferring that gay marriage may do violence to marriage by virtue of their support of prop 8 – is not too far reaching…

Although an astounding feat, the LDS Church’s endorsement was applauded by LGBT leaders in Utah’s gay community.   Although I agree this can and must be viewed as positive in the big scheme of things; please call me ungrateful because “AS LONG AS the queers (you know the ones your compassionately adorn with limited equality) do not cause havoc to your marriages there in Utah – even those where your teaching and silence condones many wives – you will remain solid behind your church influenced dollars that robbed my buddies of their right to one spouse each!

Blogged by MELANIE NATHAN, CEO of Private Courts, Inc. Consulting, mediation & private advocacy; motivated by injustice, I blog about family law/mediation, politics, news and LGBT equality and anything that ‘tickles my fancy.’ Otherwise blogging as O-blog-dee-o-blog-da. Websites and blogs include: http://www.privatecourts.com; http://www.divorcemediators.us; www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com.

History nonetheless -as an unusually emotional Nancy Pelosi graced the gavel on a 220-215 House Vote – to cheers and tears and amidst a barage of defections.   I invite comments about the Reproductive Rights Amendment thrown in to produce the vote. 

 Visit  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOQ-Iw6_wTA&feature=player_embedded   

Blogged by MELANIE NATHAN, CEO of Private Courts, Inc. Consulting, mediation & private advocacy ; motivated by injustice, I blog about family law/mediation, politics, news and LGBT equality and anything that ‘tickles my fancy.’ Otherwise blogging as O-blog-dee-o-blog-da. Websites and blogs include: http://www.privatecourts.com; http://www.divorcemediators.us; www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com.

Does marriage equality and more specifically same-sex marriage hurt traditional marriage? This most confounding question has yet to be answered by anyone, especially those who expound the rhetoric while seeking to ban same-sex marriage.  The derogatory impact of same-sex marriage on straight marriage has yet to be quantified.  I wonder how one would be able to figure it out.

Could it be that for every 4 gay marriages one straight person will not marry his fiancé; could it be that for every 4 gay marriages one straight couple will divorce?  Could it mean that allowing gay marriages will result in less straight people marrying and thereby reduce the numbers of married people?  I am trying so hard to come up with a formula, can someone please help me?   

Proposition 8 succeeded in California, and effectively removed a fundamental constitutional right, as endorsed by the Courts by way of popular vote – the right for any couple in California to marry regardless of gender was stripped.  Prop 8 was initiated in direct response and its mantra was  to “protect the institution of marriage” by keeping lesbians and gays out.  

After the barrage of voracious advertisements led 51% of voting Californians to believe that gay marriage would by its mere legality threaten straight marriages. Churches poured their money into the advertising coffers, tacitly claiming the interests of their God.   Silly them there is a better way to save the institution of marriage and just think it can be done without stripping other Americans of their inherent rights, as well as the advantage of quantification.  The obvious, unambiguous and only one absolute vehicle to sustain the precept of marriage is clearly the “The outlawing of Divorce.”  We must bring a new proposition to the voters in this earnest quest and that would be  ahh maybe -Proposition 9 – “Repeal of the Legislative Right to Divorce Act.”

Notably, divorce, unlike same sex marriage, can be easily quantified.  I believe in California the divorce rate is approximately 1 in 3. There you go – for every 60,000 marriages ending in Divorce, we can save 60,000 saved – see how easy that was. Not like our difficulty when we attempted to quantify the impact of same-sex marriage on ‘ traditional marriage.’ – that means we would have 60,000 out of every 180,000 marriages saved… How powerful is that!

This is a call to all those who truly believe in the sanctity of marriage. Support the rescue of marriage by ending divorce for good. Here is a safer and better plan – how about making that retroactive.  Anyone who has been divorced consider your good-selves remarried.

Indeed the next obvious step is legislation that prohibits one’s right to divorce.  Divorce is not an inherent right; it is one that is granted by specific statute. For example in California there would be no divorce if the Family Law Code did not deal create it. It gets worse – Divorce involves one spouse suing the other for divorce.  In California the first paper served by a plaintiff spouse on a defendant spouse reads “SUMMONS- You Are Being Sued.”  How bizarre – to separate church and State in this fashion.  It is an abomination to the sacred right of marriage to think that after spouses have said “till death do us part” that one may sue the other for divorce and that our law allows that to happen.

If Maine supports the ban of same-sex marriage tonight, I profess this to be the nest obvious step there too. 

Is this ban on Divorce a joke?  Not according to a Sacramento man, John Marcotte who is collecting signatures to place a new piece of legislation on the 2010 ballot for the people of California to decide on. He wants to make it illegal to divorce in California. Read his petition here.

Why? He contends that this is a natural extension of what religious conservatives did when they voted “Yes” on a ballot measure to ban gay marriage so that they could “protect traditional marriage”.

From John Marcotte’s Rescue Marriage website, here’s the statement announcing the new ballot measure:

“I loved Proposition 8, but felt it did not go far enough. So fresh from the office of our legal counsel, I present the 2010 California Protection of Marriage Act.

No party to any marriage shall be restored to the state of an unmarried person during the lifetime of the other party unless the marriage is void or voidable, as set forth in Part 2 of Division 6 of the Family Code.”

Marcotte has just launched his first couple of PSAs on the 2010 California Marriage Protection Act. Here they are:

Few Choice Quotes From the PSAs:

“My kids are being taught in school that divorce is all right.”

“You said ‘Till death do us part’. You’re not dead yet.”

“Hell is eternal, just like your marriage is supposed to be.”

“If we allow anyone to get divorced, before you know it, people will be divorcing their dogs.”

Lock Step-lock-jaw-Republicans-and conservatives- and those on the right – do not fail – put your money where your mouth is and support the BAN on DIVORCE.

Blogged by MELANIE NATHAN, CEO of Private Courts, Inc. Consulting, mediation & private advocacy ; motivated by injustice, I blog about family law/mediation, politics, news andLGBT equality and anything that ‘tickles my fancy.’ Otherwise blogging as O-blog-dee-o-blog-da. Websites and blogs include: http://www.privatecourts.com; http://www.divorcemediators.us; www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com. nathan@privatecourts.com

 “A lot of folks use Facebook to stay in touch with friends and family. For Sarah Palin, it’s a great way to spread lies about health insurance reform.  A few months back, Palin took to Facebook to declare that health reform would create “death panels,” and drive private insurers out of business — and nonpartisan fact-check sites and the independent Congressional Budget Office debunked those lies.

But that hasn’t stopped Sarah Palin. She’s back with a new Facebook note claiming that reform will raise costs on families and drive up deficits. Unfortunately for her, even the conservative “Tax Foundation” says those claims are false. “

So we’re calling out Sarah Palin, and taking to Facebook to debunk her lies on the very same pages she’s using to spread them.  Call Sarah Palin at 202-747-1812″

No more lies – it is not going to work anymore….

Refs: http://www.democrats.org/page/content/callemoutpalin

 Melanie Nathan -Quoting from Democratic Party Webpage and e-mail. Spread the word good lezgetrealpeeps- especially on your facebook sites!

by   Melanie Nathan:  
Some organizations focus on fundraising and remain furtive in their strategy, citing “we know best” while purporting to advance the cause of binationals in their self appointed autocracy.  However  Out4Immigration remains consistent in its plan – a transparent one- and as always makes  public and involves the public. 

 The group is now in the 34th week of its letter writing campaign and is responsible for much of the traction of UAFA  gaining support on the Hill.  What is noteworthy is the fact that out4Immigration works steadily and consistently to put people on the ground.

We can never underestimate the value of LGBT personal stories. We must introduce ourselves, one by one to Congress. The few organizations are indeed just that,  too few on the Hill, and they do not have the power of the personal story. Congress wants to hear from us. They would rather hear from us than lobbyists and groups. The power of each and every story is as unique as a fingerprint and as relevant as our family entitlements.  This is a skill so beautifully honed by Out4I and passed on to all willing to take the plunge.

Week 34 -” Please sign on to sponsor Uniting American Families Act“   A letter campaign to Congress. If you are in a binational relationship you have not yet done enough unless you write to at least ten congressional representatives, including your own.  Even if your own rep already co-sponsors the legislation, we should all question their leadership on moving it forward. 

 Amos Lim says:-”  Out4Immigration –  is an all grassroots organization and our letter writing campaign is now in its 34th  week.  We have had successes in our campaign by getting more cosponsors on board.  We are also constantly adapting the campaign from feed-back that we received from our members and from our allies. There are people who are interested in doing more than just simple cut and paste and after some discussion, we are incorporating those request into our letter writing campaign. Out4 I provides guidance and options for your own advocacy either on your own behalf or as someone who abhors the fact that so many American are subject to this horrendous inequity that separates our couples.” There are three options in using the names and addresses of the Congressional targets O4I provide:  (1) Send an Out4Immigration form letter.. go to http://out4Immigration.com to join as a member. It is free. (2) Write your own letter telling your personal story (3) Send each representative a self-made booklet that tells your story, shows pictures of your family, includes letters from your employer or others in the community identifying their support for you and the UAFA.  Again, you should send this an individual, although you can use news clippings and links to organizations that advocate for same-sexbinational couples like O4I,  Marriage Equality.

See the OUT4I toolkit: http://tinyurl.com/o4i-toolkit1 for more ideas. Whichever option you choose (and please, choose at least one!) Amos Lim says “know that you are making a difference — and please don’t give up!”

Please join out4Immigration in its quest to help our gay and lesbian families in exile, in hiding or living in uncertainty. we should not have to choose between our heart or home.  Also remember we are all one heart beat away from falling in love with a foreigner.  I encourage all readers to visit Out$Immigration website to see what they are up to.  They ask for nothing except your personal advocacy. It is the least we can all do.

Blogged by, MELANIE NATHAN, C  of Private Courts, Inc. “ Consulting, mediation & private advocacy ; motivated by injustice, I blog about family law/mediation, politics, news and LGBT equality and anything that tickles my fancy.  Otherwise blogging as O-blog-dee-o-blog-da. Websites and blogs include: http://www.privatecourts.com; http://www.divorcemediators.us; www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com. CONTACT:- nathan@privatecourts.com

So, one of the fun parts of being parents is holidays. Bryans favorite holiday is Halloween and the best part of Halloween is deciding and finding the right costumes for the kids. We hope you enjoy our shopping trip on our search for the best Halloween costumes for the kids.

This is a busy time for many families, including those with LGBT parents, and the resources are flowing everywhere we look with deals, steals, and bargains for back to school. If you are an LGBT parent with children getting ready to go back to school, you might feel a little added pressure to get things done perfectly for your school age child(ren).

Luckily Mombian Dana Rudolph has gathered the resources you need to get you through in one place and put them on her blog on Bay Windows:

Back-to-school resources for LGBT parents

Back-to-school time can be fraught with tension for many parents as we realize our children’s shoes are too small, they need new knapsacks, and for reasons that surpass understanding, a perfectly working locker padlock somehow isn’t cool enough to be acceptable this year.

For LGBT parents, there is an additional concern about how our children’s new teachers and classmates will react to knowing our kids have LGBT moms or dads. Do you approach teachers and school administrators beforehand to inform them about your family and detect any potential problems?

…Regardless of the approach you take, it never hurts to be prepared, either to help allies eager to be inclusive or to take action against bias and bullies. Here are some useful resources. (Note that there is an overlap between resources that help children of LGBT parents and those that help LGBT youth. Many of the issues each of these groups face are the same-not to mention that some children of LGBT parents are LGBT themselves.)

I encourage you to visit her article for resources such as Safe Classrooms by COLAGE, links to organizations with resources for administrators and more.

Ok well summer is here and its time for our summer vacation. This year I have had to work way to much so I have saved a bunch of vacation time. I have a month off work. So We are going on a Road Trip. We are going to drive from Ca to Seattle. From Seattle we are going to take an R-Family Cruise to Alaska. http://www.rfamilyvacations.com/

After the cruise we are going to jump back in the car and drive up to Canada. We will visit Victoria and Vancouver. After we leave we will be spending some time in Portland and Northern Ca. We would love if you would give us ideas on what to do in any of the prementioned locations. Fav Resturants activities or spots for the kids. Also we are meeting two of our YouTubers that live in the northwest. If you live in the northwest or are taking the R-Family cruise let us know maybe we can hang and make a video together. Love the Leffews.

“Almost half of tested samples of commercial high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) contained mercury, which was also found in nearly a third of 55 popular brand-name food and beverage products where HFCS is the first- or second-highest labeled ingredient, according to two new U.S. studies.”~ Washington Post.

Mercury causes brain damage. I kind of figured somebody was saying something bad about corn syrup since all those adds saying how it was good for you and natural popped up. The FDA is a joke, and to prove it to yourself, here’s an experiment you can do at home:

“”Even at low levels methylmercury can harm the developing brain. The last thing we should intentionally do is add to it,” Wallinga added, in an MSNBC article also covering the story. I think we’ve seen the gutting of the FDA under the Bush administration, and we’re suffering the consequences. We should not be worrying about poison in our soda, salmonella in our tomatoes and spinach, and hormones in our milk.

Our way of creating, and safeguarding our food supply is changing dramatically day by day. Companies like Monsanto are now patenting living organisms, like the corn they are being forced to grow in Iraq. Monsanto, also an Obama supporter, has been destroying farmers around the world with their mutant GMO seed. Did you realize that you’ve probably already eaten Gentically modified food? Did you know they’re pushing hard just to get labels on beef from a GMO cow? I’ve got a container of organic milk in the fridge bragging right on the front label how there’s no cloned cow milk in it!

There is a lot to look into. But we all have a responsibility to ourselves, and our families to get involved in this issue. New laws are being written that hurt our agriculture, not help it. You can do something about it! Get in contact with your local representatives. I know we’re about to start knowing these guys on a first name basis, we have to contact them about so much stuff, but that’s what they’re there for!

In my house of two married moms, we remain overtly safe from this decision as long as it is not declared invalid retroactively. How will I explain that to my children? If the result is not favorable, I am faced with having to inform my children that gay and lesbians are no longer allowed to marry under the law of this State.

The unfairness of being placed in this bewildering wait triggers memories of the pre-Prop 8 fight and my quest to protect my daughters from the worst pain imaginable “your family is not a family!”

My daughter, HC, is as well adjusted as any child; she has been around the world a few times, hence her sophistication belies her short twelve years. She is engaging and endearing and born to lead. Kind, loving and perceptive, when a toddler she earned the name “little Buddha.”  A keen, astute student, each year she adores her assigned teachers and tends to hold them in the highest esteem. They are her heroes and in turn she is their delight. This is a kid who never wants to miss school. She loves it!

When the California Court first ruled favorably for same-sex marriage we were the first lesbian couple to be married by our Rabbi, at our congregation temple.  My kids had a great time and together with twenty other kids all dressed in white walked down the aisle toward the ‘Chuppah’ in most traditional fashion.  It was a big event for our community and family came from around the world. My children were so invested in the wedding as for them it presented a validation and celebration of our little family of four.

Three months of gay marriage and then enter Proposition 8 together with the egregious advertisements facilitated by the millions of hateful dollars sent from Utah’s Mormon community to California, intent on promoting the proposition that would serve to outlaw same-sex marriage. The very idea of it, least of all a yes vote, served to insult our recently acknowledged family.

About two weeks before the November 2008 election and the impending prop 8 vote, HC and I were driving our route to school. We noticed that overnight what used to be one lone “No on Prop 8” on Central Avenue had morphed into a “NO on 8” at each and every home down our neighborhood’s main street. Later we found out that the lone sign outside the home a lesbian mom, kept getting torn down; day after day she would restore the sign until eventually overnight the entire neighborhood put up the NO sign in support of their neighbor. I remember remarking how amazing it was to see everyone in our midst against prop 8.

As we drove through the reasuring tunnel of “no on 8’s,” our comfort was short lived as we exited the micro and entered the macro – yes that nasty world at large reared its beastly head as amidst our usual morning tussle between Stephanie Miller and Radio Disney, an advertisement popped on the radio.

“……and your children will be forced to learn about homosexuality and gays it will be taught in the schools; ….. your churches will be forced to marry them… blah..”

I glanced at my child and noticed an odd expression on her usually placid face, one which I will not easily forget, and she asked, “Mom I don’t get what is wrong with other kids learning about my type of family?”  I was stunned!  The advertisement had placed a perspective calling for this very question; but why my child? We have lived our lives so openly and relish the good fortunate of our supportive community, where our ‘same-sex-ness’ is the least of our day to day issues.

It was as if HC had received a slap across her face. The advertisement had clearly hurt my child; its viciousness was not something she had been subjected to before. What could be worse than adults lashing out like that at children? It was direct and personal and having heard it before, was not personally outraged as when I realized the irresponsibility and how damaging those lies were to my babies. Now I had to come up with an answer to this ferocious fanaticism. I explained, “Hun, we live in a world where peoples are often the subject of fear on the art of others and so when they are afraid, usually because of ignorance, they lash out in this way. What you heard on that ad, was unfair and contorted, but that is how the people who are against the idea of same-sex marriage think they can get other people to join their way of thinking.”   I provided more reassurance as best I could.   A few more questions and answers later we arrived at school, and went on with the next two weeks, during which time HC and my four year old accompanied me to various “NO ON 8” rallies; “no on 8, no on 8,” a battle cry still performed by my 4 year old whenever she sees the number 8, whether in the market, at school or in the movies.

So came the vote: The “Yes” win was a shock and a huge upset; I had a lot more explaining to do; “mom is our marriage okay are we still married? (Our marriage is clearly viewed by my kids as a family event!) Then came one of the saddest moments in my life, on the day after the election, when HC came home from school and told me that her class teacher had told the group she had voted for John McCain. Living in Marin County California, I do believe the kids found this quite odd, and I explained we all have the right to vote as we choose. But then she announced, “Mom it is sooo weird Mrs. Ray also told the class that she voted “yes” on Prop 8; but I think she must have been just joking!”  Well long story short, she was not joking – and my child was completely and utterly shattered.  Trying to hide her emotions for the next three weeks, I noticed a big change. She was not so keen about school. In fact after a week with a substitute teacher she came home devastated that he was leaving. I realized it was less about the loss of the sub teacher and more about Mrs. Ray’s return.

Despite my promise to HC to keep hush, “I flew like a bat out of hell” to see the Principal, who, ironically an “out” lesbian, was not surprised to see me show up on the issue; she mentioned that I was the fourth parent to complain about this lack of discretion on the part of the teacher. I explained that my child was extremely conflicted in trying to reconcile her respect and admiration for her teacher with her love and pride for her family. My child moved classroom and she adores her new teacher.

Fortunately, HC is back to being her happy self, but a deep and profound wound has been inflicted on her free and safe spirit.   If proposition 8 is upheld by the pending judicial decision, I truly believe that my child will suffer more emotional harm, through the perceived aberration of her family. It is so unjust and so unfair. Our children do not deserve to be the political pawns of the divisive and fearful bigots and religious right in our country.  We are family values and we are entitled to equality. My children are facts of life and they cannot be relegated to some second class category that diminishes us as a family. As a Mom I vow to carry on fighting for the sameness my babies, by virtue of their very existence deserve.

I have to show my child that our family is worth fighting for and that anything short of complete equality is simply not good enough.  I think this story illustrates the far reaching effects of de jure disqualification and the de facto reality of inequality. Whether we receive equal rights or not, nothing will derogate from the fact that we are here; us, our wives and our kids and nothing can or will ever change that simple fact.

Until such time as DOMA disappears, Prop 8 ditched- every US State allows gay marriage -our children will be marginalized as my daughter was when her teacher basically told her –‘You are not the same – you are not entitled.’

Blogged by MELANIE NATHAN, CEO of Private Courts, Inc. Consulting, mediation & private advocacy ; motivated by injustice, I blog about family law/mediation, politics, news and LGBT equality and anything that ‘tickles my fancy.’ Otherwise blogging as O-blog-dee-o-blog-da. Websites and blogs include: http://www.privatecourts.com; http://www.divorcemediators.us; www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com.

]]> http://lezgetreal.com/2009/05/how-the-hate-for-8-hurt-my-child/feed/ 9 http://lezgetreal.com/2009/05/flu-vaccines-dangerous/ http://lezgetreal.com/2009/05/flu-vaccines-dangerous/#comments Tue, 05 May 2009 04:00:08 +0000 Lezgetreal http://lezgetreal.com/?p=11991 We have just had one of the biggest doses of fear since the re-election campaign of George W. Bush.

Riots exploding in Europe, the economy continuing it’s endless plunge, air force one and fighter jets terrorizing New York? I mean what is going on here? And then this Swine Flu stuff on top of it?

Remember the old system of constant reporting the color code of terror all day every day? Remember: “We don’t know when it’s going to happen, but it’s going to happen!” Remember that? Now it’s: “This wasn’t the big one, but next fall we’re going to have the greatest crisis human kind has ever faced! It’s coming!”

I am not trying to be one of these fear mongers. I am not trying to scare you into buying something, or doing something for my benefit. I am simply trying to say that this company that makes this stuff is criminal, and should not be trusted.

The company that has requested to make the swine flu vaccine is called Baxter.  On March 6th 2009 multiple sources, including the Times of India, reported that they sent out the virus H5N1 to labs instead of a regular human flu in several different countries. The scientists who discovered this were shocked that they were shooting up their lab rats with a virus capable of mutating into a global killer, especially since they had already been using a human flu strain on them. That kind of cross contamination would have had grave consequences like… creating a virus like swine flu.

Baxter is supposedly under investigation for this by the WHO, but they do not seem all that concerned. It is, at the very least, criminally negligent. Do not trust these guys with your health, I’m telling you. Do not let them scare you into vaccinating your kids.

There is no current vaccine that will work against Swine Flu. That includes Tamiflu (which is being reported to cause severe mental disorders in teens).

If you go to the WHO website, they advise you:

The best scientific evidence available today is incomplete but suggests that seasonal vaccines will confer little or no protection against influenza A(H1N1).

All the hype to go get flu shots is nonsense. History does repeat itself.

In 1976, the first outbreak of Swine Flue killed just one person, but the vaccine killed twenty-five, and sickened thousands more. Don’t believe me? How about congressman Ron Paul, he’s in the government, he should know right?

In 2006 the UK  announced plans to inoculate every person in the country with Baxter’s vaccines in the event of a pandemic. Here in the states, they’re running mass inoculation practice drills on children in Alaska.

Please remember parents, that there is NO LAW that can require you to have your children shot up with this stuff. Do not be bullied. Do not be coerced by fear tactics, or threats. Make your own decision, and never let anyone make it for you.

Jenime is an artist living in the SF bay area. You can watch her musings and ravings any time by visiting her channel on YouTube.

She is in 1st grade but goes to 2nd grade for somethings as well. Since she has friends in both classes invites were sent out to each child in the two classes she goes to. The reason this is such a big deal is Madison has four Moms.

My ex is her biological mom, and both of us have since gotten new partners.

So this makes for interesting parent-teacher conference. It must be a little different to have four Mommies descend upon you. So far her teachers have been amazing!

I take our Princess to school everyday and wait at the back of her line with the other parents until the teacher comes to take them to class.

Sometimes my partner is able to come as well so it is well known that Madison has two Moms but I’m not sure that people really get the full picture. So the RSVPs started to come in. By the deadline there were around 10 kids on the list. This wasn’t too bad. Some were from dance and longtime friends from outside of school. I was concerned that some were staying away to not deal with our family situation. This was really a first look for me at what could lie ahead for my daughter with making friends.

Then more people started to give late replies. By the time the party started in the park there were over 20 kids there.

All the parents had been asked to stay and my ex and I greeted them all while our partners monitored the kids and helped out with other party details. We spent time with each of the parents and all were very nice. Some kept to themselves and let the kids play. Others were very chatty and hung out under the ramada and had a great time. Some tried to get to know me better which was great. Not because I need more friends but because it might mean they will be more comfortable with their child playing with my child.

The party was a great success with the birthday girl and all her friends having a great time.

I’m grateful to those that came knowing what they were walking into. However, to those that showed up and were surprised I’m grateful for their attitude at the party. I hope that this small glimpse of the gays putting on the party showed them it’s just like any other kid birthday party they go to. The more parents can see us as just another family the better chance we might have the next time an election rolls around. Not only will they be voting against me but they are voting against a family whose kid plays with their kid.

This is just the start of worrying about her social life.

The question isn’t whether she can make friends but will those friends parents allow the relationship to happen. Time will tell but it feels nice to get this first test out of the way.

Lezzymom has two kids and a wonderful partner. Her political commentary has appeared on C-Span and CSPAN.org. Visit her Lezzymom blog for more of her insights.

Children today are constantly exposed to various ideas through the media, and I myself have had to activate my ‘watchful eye’. It’s hard to keep an eye on every single thing that your child ever lays their eyes on! Honestly, it’s just not possible, but really mothers have to tackle this issue from the moment their child enters their life. Every single thing – and I mean everything – that your child is exposed to needs to be questioned, evaluated, and decided upon. What they eat, what they wear, what they see, what people say, the list goes on and on. The bottom line here is that the choices you make for your child affect their perception of the world and how they are going to interact with it in the future. If you have children you probably have had this realization hit home at one point or another. What I want to focus on here today is the choices that parents have to make in regards to multimedia. Parents seriously have to ask themselves what perceptions are being reinforced in the media that their kids are exposed to. What it comes down to here is that when we buy a product or service, we are also buying into an idea.

For example, let’s talk about the Disney Princesses.

These fictional women were put into the spotlight without any regards to the fact that they would become role models to millions of girls who would one day grow up to be women. One of the underlying messages of the stories involving the Disney Princesses is that in order for a girl to “live happily ever after” she has to marry the prince and become a princess. (You can read more about this in the New York Times article What’s Wrong With Cinderella?.) Disney is going to debut their first African American princess in 2009, and it will be interesting to see what the story line is there. Maybe one day they’ll evolve to where the Disney Princess lineup includes a Lesbian Princess!

I try to stay aware of the underlying messages that my children are exposed to through the many different forms of media that are available today.

There are songs on the radio, programs on TV, movies in the theaters, websites online, magazines and books in print, etc. Anything that has an image imprinted should definitely be evaluated, whether it’s an image in a book, a picture on a magazine cover, or a graphic on a t-shirt. Also, any book or song that uses hateful or racist words should be avoided. More than that however, anything produced with the intent of spreading ignorant or derogatory messages should be boycotted. I don’t purchase video games with guns and violence, or magazines with suggestive pictures or racy words on the cover. Any magazines, etc. that my wife and I might have with mature images or suggestive words on it is kept out of the eyes of our children. Music with adult language is also best kept for times when the children aren’t with us.

Because I am a lesbian mom, I am especially concerned with media that is anti-gay or that is ignorant of gay families.

Two-mom families, like any other family, need access to media that provides ideas and messages that they can identify with and support as mentioned in this article. We need prime time television shows with real live lesbians in them. We need mainstream magazines with gay and lesbian couples on the cover; and we need games, books, cartoons, and coloring pages for our kids too. I’d like to see a cooking show hosted by two-moms combining their knowledge to feed their family. I’d like to see a sitcom with a two-mom family, something like the show Everybody Loves Raymond. It would be nice to see lesbian fashion on the cover of Cosmo; or listen to a love song on the radio sung by a lesbian with the lyrics I love her. One day maybe the kids will even play a video game with lesbian characters saving the day, LOL.

My point here is that there is a definite need for Two-Mommy Media!

Here is a relevant quote from an article I wrote before on lesbophobia where I address the importance of endorsing companies that share your values:

…every dollar you spend, every website you click on, every radio station or TV channel you tune into lines somebody’s pockets. BE CONSCIOUS of whose pockets you are lining! Avoid endorsing media networks, websites, products, radio shows, and anything else that is produced by people or companies known for gay-bashing or otherwise supporting anyone or anything that is anti-gay. When musical artists like JaRule make negative statements towards the gay lifestyle (article)I refuse to further support their music. Companies like Gannett and General Electric offer health insurance for domestic partners of their employees and I will purchase and endorse their products as long as they continue to do so. –

More so than avoiding anti-gay media, it’s most important to support pro-gay media.

You’ll find that more and more gay and lesbian role models are emerging through the media, and the mainstream perspective is becoming more diverse despite anti-gay protest. You can show your support for the ideas that you personally endorse through the media that you choose, and which types of media you expose your children to if you are a parent. As a lesbian mom, it is important to me that gay families get more exposure in the mainstream media. (Especially when the mainstream media wants my lesbian money!) It would be nice for my children to turn on the TV and see families like theirs – and let’s face it we can’t watch The L Word with the kiddos. *wink

Here is a short list with links of ‘Two-Mommy Media’ available online:

Women In Love: Portraits of Lesbian Mothers & Their Families

Amazon Listmania! of Lesbian Family Books Compiled by Author Kaitlyn T. Considine of TwoMomBooks.com

Dottie’s Magic Pockets on DVD and Video Brought To You By Pink Pea Production Company

Two-Moms T-shirts and Gifts on CafePress

Calendars and Coloring Books from the Families Like Yours and Mine Website

And Buddy G: My Two Moms and Me has free coloring pages online.

Of course these are just a few examples of the types of media that send a pro-gay message.

You can also find a list of about a hundred different items for pro-gay families at FamilyEquality.org. If you are a lesbian mom like me, you are definitely going to want to take some time to browse these items and see what is available to you. You can also keep an eye on lesbian and bisexual women in the media and entertainment industry at the website AfterEllen.com which is brought to us by LOGO. I am looking forward to the day when media like this is available mainstream, and gay families are regarded with the same perspective as any other family in society.

I hope that this post has helped to shed some light on the needs of families like mine and the need for more Two-Mommy Media. Thank you for reading!

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her online by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.
]]> http://lezgetreal.com/2008/10/two-mommy-media/feed/ 1 http://lezgetreal.com/2008/10/shopping-for-a-two-mommy-family/ http://lezgetreal.com/2008/10/shopping-for-a-two-mommy-family/#comments Tue, 21 Oct 2008 05:00:00 +0000 ~Julie Phineas~ http://lezgetreal.com/?p=116 In my adventures as a lesbian mom, I have realized that my life has changed on every single level since I became domestic partners with Gina.

Something that was a subtle change for me was my shopping habits. What I noticed when I shop now is that I am buying items for another woman as a spouse, and that I’ve joined a unique category as a consumer that isn’t always accommodated in the retail world. For example, when shopping for gifts for each other, my wife and I have had some pretty interesting experiences in explaining to the salespeople what we are looking for. We are totally cool with coming out to the people who are providing customer service so that they can help us find what we’re looking for. It’s mostly an issue for my wife, who is more butch than I am. Say she goes to a lingerie store looking for lingerie as a gift for me, the salesperson might nervously ask her “Is this item going to be for you… or will it be a gift?” *LOL My wife is not the lingerie-wearing type, nor is she the type to wear perfume; she wears cologne. The perfume counter might ask her something like “Is this item for your mother?” It’s a very subtle probing question, and I think the real issue is that some employees aren’t trained to be sensitive to the needs of shoppers who might not necessarily be out to purchase something for a partner of the opposite sex.

It’s not always the salespeople who are probing, sometimes it’s the other shoppers.

I’ll give you a great example of what I am talking about…

I was shopping the Valentine Card section for cards for the wife and kids at Target. Well there is not a Gay and Lesbian Gift Card Section so I was choosing a card from the section titled “wife”. The sensation of being watched crept up and I noticed that to the immediate left of me were 3 women reading cards in the “husband” section and one was eyeing me with curiosity. Maybe she knew I was gay, maybe not. Who knows, who cares. Point is – there should be a freakin’ Gay and Lesbian section for gift cards and everything else too!! *LOL

Although, buying clothes for each other is not so bad.

Most people don’t pay any mind to a woman who shops for clothes. (*wink) I think that going to the shoe store falls into the same category as clothes. Buying office supplies is unisex, and so is going to the mall or buying fast food. Another unisex shopping experience is going to any stores that have to do with the kids such as GameStop. (Nobody cares whether you are butch or femme at GameStop.)

Some funny shopping experiences are shopping for the house at places like Home Depot and for personal products at the pharmacy.

Like I said we are out so we are calling each other the usual pet names and holding hands like every other couple; plus the kids are calling both of us Mom so it’s no secret that we are a lesbian couple raising kids together. We pretty much go everywhere as a family together, and we’ll all 4 be together at Home Depot and the workers will usually tell my partner all the instructions and details since she’s butch. They don’t consider the fact that they should be talking to me because I’m the one with the lipstick on, when I’m the one who does the dirty work when the toilet needs a fixin’. That’s just how we roll – sometimes she bakes and sometimes I fix the toilet. (*LOL) Recently we had some fun with the people at CVS too, when we had to buy some pregnancy tests. Come on… you know they were wondering which one of us it was for! HAHAHA

Dining out, traveling, and checking into hotels is an interesting experience as well.

We went on a cruise to the Bahamas in 2006, and we stayed in Florida a few nights as well. We rented a car from the airport, stopped for breakfast at IHOP and checked into the Ramada. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife when my wife and I walked into those places. People will ask us if we are sisters when we’re holding hands or if they see us kiss. Sometimes I would think to myself “Dude – you would rather believe I am kissing my sister than fathom that there are real live lesbians standing in front of you???” In any case, we’re aware of how others are looking at our actions so we are sure that we keep it real and don’t let people keep us from enjoying ours meals, etc.

Some places that I do like to go together are the spa, getting our hair done, and going to the beauty supply store.

The workers at these places are usually very welcoming to the both of us because we are both women, and this can be a refreshing retreat from Home Depot since we are being regarded as equals. (*smile) Another place that treats us this way is the internet so we do a LOT of shopping online. We don’t do our grocery shopping online, that’s one thing we like to do is go grocery shopping together. The only weird tensions come from other shoppers who actually care enough to realize that we are lesbian moms, and might be uncomfortable with it; but honestly that doesn’t happen that often at the Albertson’s that we go to. We’ve never had that experience at Ralph’s, although we do like to go to smaller type grocery stores sometimes and that’s always a toss up on how it’s gonna go.

The issue of shopping for a two mommy family has been a really subtle experience that I’ve noticed recently and thought that I would share with you.

I hope that this post has made you think a bit about how you shop. Every dollar you spend grows a business somewhere. Stores exist because of consumers and some of those consumers are gay! Companies should expand to include products for the LGBT community – and other under-represented communities as well – if they want to continue to prosper in the New Millennium. Society is evolving towards an attitude of acceptance and consumers like me notice the subtle differences.

Thank you so much for reading this post and I hope that you’ll visit again soon.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her online by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

Lately however, I’ve come face to face with some hard decisions to make in the department of religion because of my children. When it comes to life’s mysteries, it can be hard to know what to believe yourself, let alone what to teach your children to believe. As a lesbian mom, I’ve also come face to face with the choices that other people have made for themselves with their own religious beliefs and how they feel about homosexuality. In my journeys through my religious options, I’ve been on the receiving end of harsh judgment and total acceptance; bearing witness to the opposite extremes of emotions that religious people can have towards me once they discover I am a lesbian. Navigating the choices I have had to make about religion as a lesbian mom has been an interesting experience, and I felt like it was important to share what I’ve gone through with you.

My family baptized me as a Catholic when I was a baby. Then they converted when I was about twelve and I was ‘re-born’ as a Christian.

I remember at some point also going to other types of churches, and my mother even trying out her hand as a Jehovah’s Witness. As an adult, I was very confused about my own religious beliefs and whether I believed in God, and I lived a life of questioning what I was raised to believe in even though I didn’t really know what I believed in. I felt like religion was supposed to provide me with some sort of answer to life’s big questions and mysteries, yet all I was filled with was more unanswered questions. At some point I just decided that I didn’t know if I believed in a God or if I didn’t, and that was that.

When I had my first child in 2000, I realized that I would have to come to some sort of decision about what I believed in because now I was also responsible for the life of another human being.

The issue of religion came up right away because my family wanted the baby to be baptized in a church even though I didn’t want to commit to any one religion. I managed to avoid the issue by hiring a non-denominational minister to perform a ‘dedication ceremony’ in an outdoor setting. This was dedicating my son’s life to the “greater good” so I felt that I was satisfying the part of me that wanted some sort of belief in a Higher Power and also the part that didn’t believe. I was still questioning, and managed to keep things that way… for a little while.

I had a tough time after my son was born – I had another baby right before my marriage totally fell apart, and then came out as a lesbian right after.

Having been to the Catholic and Christian Sunday schools and bible studies, it was ingrained in me that divorce was a big no-no and so was being a lesbian. I went through a lot of emotional turmoil, self doubt, self hatred, and questioning of life during that period of time. I am so blessed that I had my two children and Gina during that time because they were really what kept me going through it all. I really had to come to terms with the choices that I had made and reconcile them with the religious beliefs I had been taught. I went in search of answers and I took the time to find them. Now I don’t consider myself to be religious, I say that I am ‘spiritual’, but honestly I still haven’t taken the time to baptize or dedicate my youngest child as of yet. She is going to be 6 in July. Now, I have taken so long to make a choice about what religious beliefs to instill as a lesbian mom, that this child is about ready to tell me what religion to choose herself! *LOL

Our oldest is 7 and the youngest is 5, and I think I’ve avoided the issue of religion as much as I can.

They can both read now, and understand adult conversations. They notice things, and remember stuff, and have questions about everything. Just like me, they want to know. It’s hard to know what to say when a child asks you what happens when we die, or who is Jesus. My son has practiced meditation because he saw it on a cartoon, and knows what a Buddhist monk looks like when he sees one because of a family movie we watched once. Another family movie, called Fluke, is about a dog who remembers a past life as a husband and father. That movie inspired a ton of questions from the kids and made me realize that I really needed to decide what I was going to teach my kids to believe.

If you are a member of the LGBT community (with children or not) this issue is one that is going to come up at one point or another in your life.

Many religions are anti-gay and discourage homosexuality, considering homosexuals to be what Hindu society refers to as pariah or outcasts. There are some Christian denominations and other religions that are accepting of members of the LGBT community. If you are a lesbian, bi-sexual, trans-sexual or gay man, you are really going to have to do your homework if you are looking for an accepting place of worship in your area. You are going to want to determine if you are going to have any problems with discrimination first before you show up. (Read this article about a lesbian couple from the United States who was denied communion at their local parish after they were married in Canada.) Over the past few years Gina and I have had baptisms, weddings, and funerals to attend in different types churches and at a funeral for my father’s aunt, a man who seemed to be the guy in charge literally put his hand up and stopped us asking me “Is that your sister?” I said “No, this is my wife.” This guy had to think for a minute before he stepped aside and said “Okay you can go in.” I couldn’t believe it. One church I attended without Gina asked me if I had a husband and told me that the next time I went I had to take my husband… yikes!!

You can research different religions online before you go, and determine which places of worship that you endorse and which you want to avoid.

When you attend, be wary of the materials they provide such as brochures and prayer books. You’ll also want to listen to the songs that the choir sings and determine if the message being delivered is one that you endorse. We took our children to a Methodist church this past Easter for a re-enactment of The Last Supper. The kids are old enough to read the words in the song books now and it was sooo cute to see them read and sing about love and kindness! I would have been upset if the kids were ever subjected to the discrimination that Gina and I have. Instead, my heart was beaming with gratefulness to see the kids participate in activities like symbolic washing of the hands of the person sitting next to you, plus the sharing of bread and punch. They had a ton of questions that night for sure!

In any case here is what Wikipedia says about religion and homosexuality:

Though the relationship between homosexuality and religion can vary greatly across time and place, within and between different religions and sects, and regarding different forms of homosexuality and bisexuality, current authoritative bodies and doctrines of the world’s largest religions generally view homosexuality negatively. This can range from quietly discouraging homosexual activity, to explicitly forbidding same-sex sexual practices among adherents and actively opposing social acceptance of homosexuality. Some teach that homosexual orientation itself is sinful, while others assert that only the sexual act is a sin. Some claim that homosexuality can be overcome through religious faith and practice. On the other hand, voices exist within each of these religions that view homosexuality more positively, and liberal religious denominations may even bless same-sex marriages. Some view same-sex love and sexuality as sacred, and a mythology of same-sex love can be found around the world.

Here is a list of books from Amazon on the subject of LGBT Religion and Spirituality:

- Reclaiming The Spirit: Gay Men and Lesbians Come to Terms with Religion here

- Coming Out Within: Stages of Spiritual Awakening for Lesbians and Gay Men here

- From Wounded Hearts: Faith Stories Of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, And Transgender People And Those Who Love Them here

- Equal Rites: Lesbian and Gay Worship, Ceremonies, and Celebrations here

- Lesbian Rabbis: The First Generation here

- Qu(e)erying Evangelism: Growing a Community From the Outside In here

- Face to Face: Gay And Lesbian Clergy on Holiness And Life Together here

- Are There Closets in Heaven?; A Catholic Father and Lesbian Daughter Share their Story here

- Waiting for the Call: From Preacher’s Daughter to Lesbian Mom here

What I have found is that the main religious denominations where you can find total gay acceptance are:

Metropolitan Community Church
Unitarian Universalist Church
United Church of Christ
United Church of Canada
Paganism
Neopagan
Wiccan

Some congregations of the following denominations are accepting of the LGBT community:

Christian Reformed Church
Church of the Nazarene
Presbyterian
Anglican
Lutheran
Reformed Judaism
New Apostolic
Religious Society of Friends (Quaker)
The Unification Church

And here are some denominations which do not endorse homosexuality yet do support the human rights of the gay community:

Buddhism
Taoism
Confucianism
The United Methodist Church

There are also many spiritual centers emerging as places of worship as well with a focus on gay worshippers.

Once you’ve decided which belief system works for you, I suggest reaching out to others of the same faith for support and fellowship.

Meetup.com is a great place to meet others of the same faith. There are so many religions to choose from in society that I couldn’t possibly cover them all here in this article. I encourage you to do your homework and follow your heart!

Here are some websites where you can find out more about religion for lesbians and others in the LGBT community:

- Article: Lesbian caught between religion and outside world here

- Article: Religion and Homosexuality here

- Article: Lesbian Faith without Fear here

- Faith in America here

- OUT Faith here

- The Gay Religion Blog here

- Gay Church.org here

- A Lesbians Faith.com here

- Interfaith Advocates LGBT here

- Lesbian and Gay Studies in Religion here

- Lesbian Life Religion and Spirituality here

- Religion on Gay City USA here

- Gay and Lesbian Mormons here

- GLBT Catholics here

- LGBT Episcopalians here

- Gay and Lesbian Atheists and Humanists here

- LGBT Jewish Organizations here

- Gay and Lesbian Quakers here

- The Gay and Lesbian Vaishnava Association here

- More Light Presbyterians here

- Lutherans Concerned here

The road to religious choices is definitely an interesting one.

I hope that I was able to give you a good jumpstart with the resources I’ve collected above. Finding a place of worship where you feel accepted is the ultimate goal, and I wish you the best on that journey. Feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts and insights on navigating religion as a lesbian if you can.

Until next post stay well and be safe.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

Buddy G: My Two Moms and Me is a cartoon especially for gay families with a website to match found at www.BuddyG.tv. I was able to watch a clip of the first episode of the Buddy G cartoon on the website, and I have to say I was excited to see another cartoon where families like mine are represented. I was even more excited when I found that the Buddy G TV website also offers printable cartoon pages, online jigsaw puzzles, and related videos for LGBT families. I printed out a few of the coloring pages right away, and slipped them into the pile of pages during coloring time, then put them on the fridge for the world to see. Since then, many visitors to my home have commented on the Buddy G coloring pages, and how cool they are. I feel like they walk away with a little more of a sense of how normal gay families really are.

When I ventured in to learn a bit more about Buddy G and how I could get the DVD, I found that Buddy G has received a lot of press and media attention, while promoting other two-mommy media such as the DVD Dottie’s Magic Pockets. I fell in like with Buddy G right away and he is now a friend of mine on MySpace. *smile* I learned from Donna, Margaux and Grayson, the family behind Buddy G, that one little girl carries the DVD in her backpack to prove to other kids that “there are lots of families like hers – they even have a cartoon!” This is awesome to know, because children of lesbian moms are being validated as equally as special as all the other children in the world since they are represented in a cartoon. The Buddy G DVD and website is great for showing children of lesbian moms that they are not the only children in the world with two moms, and helps to reinforce a positive view of LGBT families. Plus sharing the coloring pages with my nieces and nephews shows them that their Aunties aren’t the only ones with a two mommy family.

Here is what the Buddy G website says about how the show came to be:

We know we are a minority and that most kids have a mom and a dad, but for little guys like our son we thought wouldn’t it be grand if there were something more available to them. Something like a cartoon, like a Caillou with two moms or dads. The more we talked about it the more important it became. It was almost like, if we didn’t do something about it after we had this fantastic idea, then we were somehow being irresponsible parents. So out of that, “Buddy G” was born. It took longer, cost more and was way harder then we thought it would be, but we couldn’t be happier or more proud of the cartoon and the potential it represents. “Buddy G” has added incredible joy to our family and we hope he adds a little happiness to yours.

Sincerely,

Margaux, Donna and Grayson

I feel a sense of relief that there are people out there like Donna, Margaux and Grayson who are brave enough to fill the void in the LGBT community for two-mommy media, and provide tools to help lesbian moms and their children to raise awareness for LGBT families in a fun and positive way. It’s also good to know that the Buddy G website is expanding in the near future to provide even more Buddy G fun and games for the kids. If you are a lesbian mom, there are also fun things for you at the Buddy G website too! You can find videos and more for LGBT parents here. In the meantime, you can order the DVD below plus you can add Buddy G as your friend on MySpace here.

I am really looking forward to the expansion of the Buddy G TV website, and for other two mommy media products to provide awareness tools for their products such as coloring pages and online games for the children. Even something as simple as seeing a two mommy family on paper helps make the world more aware of how normal an LGBT family really is. Thanks Buddy G!.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mother and when I was young I fantasized about having two children by the time I was 25 years old then working on a career once they were in school. Of course this charted me on course for having kids as soon as I was considered grown. By the time I was 19 I was engaged to the first guy who asked me to marry him, and I moved off to New York to start a life with him.

Unfortunately, before the wedding could take place I learned that having children with him was not going to happen. This was enough for me to call the wedding off and come back to Cali, where I decided I was going to be an independent woman. I had a short glimpse of what it was like to be a housewife living with my ex in NY, and I was determined not to fall in love or become attached again anytime soon. I started dating a little after a few months and even let my sister convince me to go out with her husband’s best friend and you’ll never guess what happened…

I got pregnant.

Whoops!

The sad part is that I had a miscarriage about six weeks into it. What happened there though is I got the baby bug in me again and you know what I did… I married the best friend. (*Re-living this is a lil’ painful I might add!) I really wanted to have children, and well, he said that he did too. So about a year later we got married, and three months later I had my new bun in the oven. YAY for the bun!!

That little bun is my little boy… Noah.

He’s seven years old now, and having him really changed my priorities in a snap. Ever since he was born I’ve been doing my best to be the best mom that I can. Even though having my son was the best thing that had happened to me, at the time it was the most confusing phase of my life. The relationship with his father was an illusion of what a relationship should have been, and it was clear to me right away that we needed something different.

I separated from my husband for a few months, and really enjoyed my time as a single mom.

It was during that time that I started exploring who I was more and trying to enjoy life. Gina was a friend of my mom and sisters, and I began to get close with her during this time as well. I hadn’t ever really looked at her as someone I could have a relationship with, I just knew that I really enjoyed her company. With my new found outlook on life though, I was open to the idea and when she expressed her romantic interest in me I accepted the invitation.

This is where things got really confusing and tangled and sordid and everything in between. (*sigh)

Here I was a single mom, estranged from my husband, establishing my independence, and exploring my sexuality. Hmmmmm… can anyone spell ‘recipe for disaster?’ Long story short, I was falling for Gina and loving my independence, but I tried to do what was best for my son and went back to work things out with his father. Try to guess what happened next??

I got pregnant. (again)

Whoops For The 2nd Time.

Needless to say, Gina was never speaking to me again, and I was stuck with the best friend.

Or so it seemed!

In a twisted turn of events, when I was 8 months pregnant with baby #2, Noah’s father was diagnosed with Cancer. (*definately not good.) After the baby was born we began a round of surgeries and medications and luckily he was able to eliminate the illness from his body. What happened here though is that we took a really good look at our lives, and our future together.

Baby #2 was a girl, Trinity Marie – born 2 years apart to the day from her brother.

My divorce was final a few months after her second birthday.

And of course – in true form of lesbians before me – I filed for Domestic Partnership with the True Love of My Life, Gina Phineas, just FIVE DAYS after my divorce was final.

(And yes, there was a U-haul involved. *LOL)

So now here I find I have evolved into the role of Lesbian Mom, and my wifey, well, she gets named Recruiter of The Millennium by butch girls everywhere with their eye on the married woman down the street. *HaHaHa

We’ve covered a bit of ground together, and I’ve even got the woman’s last name!

She is ‘Mama’ and I am ‘Mommy’, and even though we have baby daddy drama now and then, the situation works and the kids are doing great! Noah is running for 2nd grade Student Council and Trinity is trying her best not to stand on the tables in Kindergarten. Gina and I have embraced marriage and parenting together (we complement each other very well) and have even entered the world of lesbian baby making!

Even though I’ve been a straight mom, a single mom, and a lesbian mom, one thing that is constant is that I am just a mom.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes because I was very naïve when I had my children and had them while I was still young; plus I faced the challenges of coming to terms with my sexuality and life choices at the same time. What I’ve learned through it all after all the parenting classes, books, and advice is that the one choice that always works is to do what is in the best interest of your child. This may not always be in the best interests of yourself or others, but I can say with confidence that it works for the children!

Whether you have babies, toddlers, schoolsters or teens… being a mom is a tough gig, lesbian or not, and I hope that thru my posts I am able to shed some light for others out there on what it is like to be a parent from the perspective of a lesbian.

I hope that you enjoyed reading about how I became a lesbian mom and I look forward to sharing more of my insights as a lesbian mom with you soon. Have a great weekend and take care out there in the world! Much Love and Peace.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

Family Pride is a relatively new idea towards gay and lesbian pride.

The idea of family pride has grown lately as more same sex couples are becoming parents. Gay families are increasing as domestic partner and civil union rights expand, more employers are providing health benefits for partners and their children, and the general acceptance of gays and lesbians is on the rise. ‘Gay Pride’ and ‘Rainbow Pride’ are giving way to the changes to include ‘Family Pride’ as well. Family Pride festivals are fast becoming the replacement for gay families to the traditional and un-family friendly Gay Pride parades.

As a lesbian mom with experience in this department, let me tell you that attending a traditional Gay Pride parade with children is not advised.

Wifey and I tried to do the Long Beach, CA Pride Parade with the kids one year. We planned to attend the Los Angeles Pride Festival as well, but after the experience at Long Beach Pride we took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese instead! Nowadays though, there are many options for gay families, such as the cruises offered by R Family Cruises, Olivia.com and Family Pride Festivals worldwide.

More and more same sex couples are becoming parents together, evolving their relationship and their gay pride!

A lot of things change when you have children, regardless of your sexual orientation. But I think the evolution of Family Pride is inevitable for gay families because of the change in issues that are faced. As a gay man or lesbian woman with no children the issues that would affect you the most would be issues such as gays in the military, discrimination in the workplace, finding a church, etc. Once you have children with your same sex partner however, the issues expand to include finding an LGBT friendly pediatrician, harassment at school, health benefit and tax issues, custody rights etc. etc. etc. The more you face these issues as a gay parent, the more your Gay Pride evolves to Family Pride.

An organization named The Family Equality Council emphasizes the need for gay families to become visible in society to help the cause for gay family equality.

You can read on their website about the importance of gay dads and lesbian moms becoming active members of society in an effort to put a positive face on the gay family. There is even a website from the Freedom to Marry Foundation dedicated to putting “a face on equality” by having gay families submit their photos. (I submitted our family photo!)

In any case, gay families are encouraged to embrace Family Pride and become more involved in the fight for Family Equality.

LGBT rights are established more and more each day, and there are many resources available to The New Gay Family. One way to get involved is to display your pride with Family Pride merchandise for you, your partner, and your children. For example we bought our daughter a shirt that says ‘I love my mommies’ on it. She was a baby when we bought it and it was too big. Now she is bigger and it fits, but she knows what it says now and loves it. It’s refreshing to see how much Family Pride is expanding over the years. I look forward to the expansion of Family Equality and equal rights for same sex couples worldwide as well! Thank you so much for reading this post and stay well until next time.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her online by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.