The media is buzzing about the new film “The Kids Are All Right”, which premiered earlier this month.  Its release was exciting for me because for the first time I saw characters who closely reflected my family’s makeup, though the rest of the story, not really.  I too have two mothers and a sperm donor who I contacted when I turned eighteen.  The outcome was different and far less drama surrounded my family when I was finally able to contact and meet my donor, though there were still plenty of surreal moments.  The reaction to the film has been extremely varied, from people thrilled to see representation of a lesbian-headed household, to those who see the events depicted in the film as reinforcement of the notion that children need to know and live with their biological mother and father.

Growing up in Massachusetts through the marriage equality debate in 2004 and all subsequent movements, I have long been combating false beliefs that LGBTQ people should not get married or raise children.  I have lesbian mothers and I have a sperm donor.  This in no way has made me less of a person, daughter, woman, or friend.  To me, what makes a good parent is dedication to raising and loving a child.  The number, gender, or sexuality of the parents does not determine the ability to help a child grow into a compassionate and kind person.  To tell the truth, I feel lucky to have grown up with the knowledge that my mother put a great deal of time, money, and thought into having me.  I have never doubted that I am loved because I know how much my mother wanted to have a child and did everything she could to have me.

While I understand that some people believe that the married, heterosexual, biological family is the only valid familial model, I refuse to let this stereotype go unchallenged.  I have two mothers, only one of whom is biological, and no father.  Rather than somehow leaving a negative affect, my family has helped me become a more open, loving, passionate, and socially aware individual.  Growing up I was surrounded by many wonderful adult role models, some of whom were male.  Of course I thought about my sperm donor, who he was, why he donated, what it would be like to meet him.  The reason for me was never about searching for a parent I had lost or a piece of me that was missing, it was about meeting and thanking the person who enabled Cathy and Nancy, my mothers, to become parents.

I had never met another person with a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or even queer parent until I was thirteen.  That summer my family went to Provincetown, Massachusetts for Family Week where I participated in workshops provided by COLAGE.  COLAGE is the only national youth-driven network of children, youth, and adults with LGBTQ parents.  I would not be writing this if I had never come to know COLAGE and the others with LGBTQ parents I met through COLAGE.  That summer I found my center and my political voice.  Through the years COLAGE has helped me become a better advocate for myself and my family.  This summer I am an intern at COLAGE and I am assisting in the distribution of the Donor Insemination (DI) Guide.  The DI Guide is part testimonials and part advice focusing on the questions and concerns of donor-conceived children and their families.  I have been able to watch the DI Guide go from an idea to a tool for families.

It has been almost three years since I began the process of contacting my sperm donor.  Four months after I turned eighteen I had the name and address of my donor and within the year I learned I had two half-sisters who shared the same donor.  I think the most incredible part of meeting my donor and half-siblings was putting an end to the mystery.  After years of playing around with different scenarios in my head, or coming up with the reasons that Harvey Fierstein was my donor, I lost mystique but gained very real new friends and family.  Now family gatherings include my two sisters, two of their siblings, our collective six lesbian mothers, and our donor and his wife.  Certainly we are still getting to know each other, but there is an undeniably authentic connection between all of us.

Along with identical chins, my half-sisters and I have followed very similar paths.  One sister, who is four months older than me, was a sophomore at Smith College as I began my first year at Mount Holyoke College.  The schools are both women’s liberal arts colleges and twenty minutes apart. Together we met our other donor sister in March 2009.  It turned out that this new sister is from a town ten minutes from my own, that we have mutual acquaintances, and I had heard about her a year before I met her.  At a drama festival at her high school I met a guy who had taken the girl in town with lesbian mothers to her senior prom the previous year.  In my favorite “small world” story, my sister and I took the same guy to our senior proms.  I do not look like anyone in my family, but I do look a lot like her.  The photos, both of us wearing blue dresses, are just incredible.  Thankfully, we did not both date “our” prom date.

Meeting my donor and my new extended family did not alter my relationship with my parents.  They were completely supportive of my desire to contact my donor and they were with me when I met him.  I did not begin this adventure to seek a father and, though my donor is a wonderful person and a part of my life now, he is not my father.  I have two parents and that is enough for me, but I am thrilled to have him as part of my growing family.  For some people, family is a rigid concept.  For me, family is not limited by genetics or living in the same home.  My family is filled with moms, grandparents, half-siblings, friends, cousins, and a sperm donor.  It may seem unfamiliar to some, but this is my family and together we are more than all right.

-Emily McGranachan

Emily McGranachan ’12  – Love Makes a Family

Hometown: Georgetown, Massachusetts

Emily McGranachan found her voice at the age of 13 while attending the COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere) Family Week in Provincetown, Massachusetts. Its “life-changing lessons” gave her “a sense of empowerment.”

As a resident of Massachusetts, McGranachan often heard people debate what rights her family should have. Now a guest speaker with the Freedom to Marry Tour, she has shared her story and “introduced people to a child of a same-sex household” on several radio stations nationwide.

McGranachan has also worked to encourage tolerance and activism on a local level, serving as president of her high school Civil Rights Team and as a volunteer at a family homeless shelter through Horizons for Homeless Children. “These children inspire me,” she said. “In return I do my best to teach them kindness and compassion by being a positive role model.”

COLAGE is an organization, created in 1989 by the children of several lesbians and gay men who felt a need for support. Though its membership is not necessarily LGBT-identified, COLAGE’s focus on the issues of LGBT parents’ families makes it a de facto part of the LGBT community. There are 52 COLAGE chapters in the United States of America, 2 chapters in Canada, and one European chapter.  COLAGE is run and operated by children (of all ages) who have a lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or transgender (LGBT) parent or parents. Older Colagers mentor younger members. They prepare them for any challenges that a child may have, having same sex parents. Members are open with each other and any topic can and is discussed. COLAGE teams each summer with Family Pride and holds its annual Family Week in Provincetown on Cape Cod. There, hundreds of gay families come to enjoy the summer and the kids attend COLAGE meetings and workshops.

COLAGE is based out of San Francisco, California and has small number of paid staff. Its executive director is Beth Teper who has a lesbian mom and today is an advocate for children who have same sex parents.

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Without missing a beat, Granny took one look at me with my new lover and said “you’re with girls now aren’t you?”

The question was rhetorical, and when I gave her a wildly happy “yes!” she reflexively said “don’t tell your mother she’ll blame me!”  I didn’t think to ask her why—it seemed obvious, Granny was never what one would call heterosexual. “I like men, Richard Gere is so handsome, but I only like them from their head to their neck”!

I did ask her many years later, if she had the choice would she have chosen to be with a woman?

“Yes of course” she said.

Granny is turning 103 next month —on august 21. Born in Singapore to Iraqi Jewish parents Granny married at 16 to a much older man and was sent to Baghdad to live with her new husband and his family. Life in Baghdad was a nightmare for her. Jews were second class citizens living in fear and Baghdad did not compare to British Singapore. She wanted to run back home and never got over her trauma of living through the Farhud, the anti-Jewish pogrom of 1941.

“They were so backward, not like us in (British) Singapore. I missed speaking English, and the family hated me for being modern. I danced, wore lipstick, and cut my hair short. And I wasn’t afraid to speak up to the Muslims who taunted us on the streets.  They were confused because I spoke English and wasn’t like the other Jews where we lived. They never saw a Jew like me.”

Once I get Granny talking about her life in Baghdad she goes back there with faraway eyes.

“ So I became friends with the Muslim and the Christian Arabs. I was supposed to only socialize with the family, people only stayed with their families. But I refused. One friend, a Muslim, she was married to a Syrian Doctor,  she loved me so much. I didn’t understand at first, when she asked me if I knew ‘finger exercises’—I thought she was asking if I played the piano!” Granny laughs, yes, she played the piano, but her friend was talking about a whole other kind of exercise! Granny laughs “I was so naïve!”

She didn’t ask the usual questions like how and what on earth could and would two women w/o a man do! For her once she didn’t have to have any more children (3 was her limit) she quit sex with her husband. And then he died young and she vowed “no sex for me ever again”.

“Now, I would have been with a women, I think yes, I was probably a lesbian”.

And now, at 103, this woman, my Granny, is still as feisty as ever albeit in a wheel chair because her legs didn’t retain the muscle the way her brain has. She is as bright and articulate as she was 30 years ago. And now, wonders why when “women are so beautiful” the lesbian feminist lover I was with then has transitioned into a man today. “Does she have a penis?”

“no”

“oh, that’s good then. No bad smell, he is still a she in a way”

“yup”

And Granny who hasn’t seen her/him in 30 years will be at the party we will have in a few weeks to celebrate Granny’s 103 birthday! It’s a wild ride this life.

Picture:  of Rachel & Granny – Copyright 2010  Rachel Wahba©, used with permission.

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6-28-10 Melanie Nathan

WASHINGTON —  At the opening of this last session of SCOTUS, Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. read a statement about the death, on Sunday of Martin D. Ginsburg, the husband of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Martin D. Ginsburg, 78,  an accomplished tax lawyer and law professor from  Georgetown University, known for his sharp wit and gourmet cooking, passed away Sunday June 27 from complications  related to metastatic cancer at his home in Washington.

In addition to his wife, the Professor is survived by his daughter Jane Carol Ginsburg, a law professor at Columbia University, and James Steven Ginsburg, founder and president of the Chicago Classical Recording Foundation; and four grandchildren.

The Ginsburgs celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary last week. They met on a blind date as undergraduates at Cornell University.

A private burial will be held at Arlington National Cemetery.

With the greatest respect for the Justice, Lez Get Real extends its deepest sympathy to Justice Bader Ginsburg and her family for their sad loss.
Melanie Nathan, nathan@privatecourts.com.

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Calling for a New Direction: Marrying DREAM ACT to UAFA

Grassroot sloggers amount to a handful, a small dedicated group that has done an enormous amount of work with no resources at hand.  This group of people, some under the Out4Immigration banner and others, unpaid independent activists, have fought hard for the ideal of one basic right – EQUALITY – and in this instance equality under the immigration law.

Gays and Lesbian spouses/partners in the USA cannot sponsor foreign born partners for immigration to the USA, commensurate with that very right, freely exercised, by different-gender couples.

Contextually, this fight has been going on for well over a decade and has a history of Bills introduced, none of which garnished as much traction as the Bill introduced by Democratic Congressman Jerrold Nadler of New York,  last year, The Uniting AMERICAN Families Act. (UAFA)

While on the path to sponsorship and at a time where there were already over 100 co sponsors of the House Bill as well as a significant number of Senators in support, a case occurred in Pacifica, California that brought media and mainstream attention to the issue and the severity of its inequities.

Senator Dianne Feinstein’s introduction of Private Bill #867 into Congress, in support of Shirley Tan’s plight, spurred great LGBT ally Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT) into action and the first ever Senate Judiciary Committee hearing for UAFA was held on on June 3^rd 2009.  This together with a ‘friendly’ and ‘ LGBT rights promising President’,  Democratic majority in Congress opened the door for the real possibility of greater sponsorship for UAFA and immigration equality for LGBT permanent partners. (Shirley Tan’s moving testimony at the SJC can be seen and heard here.)

However at that June 03, critical  juncture – instead of seizing the opportunity, a small organization known as Immigration Equality, purporting ownership tantamount to domain in this arena of  LGBT equality rights, decided with a lobby to some democratic members of Congress, that UAFA could never get the traction it needed as a stand-alone bill in Congress and figured that we would be better off by tying UAFA into Comprehensive Immigration reform, which they asserted was imminent as far back as June of last year.

The more they advocated and the more they pushed for LGBT inclusion in CIR, the more bullets they put in the toe of UAFA as stand alone legislation.   This has been covered extensively in my bi-national column here on the LGR site.

Organizations were led by Immigration Equality ORG to believe they had the goods to deliver; and in their advocacy they changed strategy, seeking UAFA’s inclusion in immigration reform, while failing  to do any real due diligence, other than to canvass a few representatives in Congress and the Senate.

They also scoped and spoke to a few Latino organizations for support, but failed to take real stock of the impossible task ahead.  Soon everyone was equating OUR stand alone ‘equality bill’ with the BIG comprehensive Immigration reform picture.

They sauntered through the Health Care debacle, watching the Democrats fall like flies to political fear, costing the American people ‘The Public Option, ‘ and not for one minute did this self appointed threesome of strategists pay attention to how this would impact immigration reform in the future.

Health Care resulted in Immigration Reform, and not its new hopeful appendage, UAFA, taking a backseat, only to show up now in a much more aggressive anti immigration climate, to wit – Arizona!

Did the genius of Immigration Equality anticipate this?   Probably not and they should have known better.   But when things happen that one does not anticipate, it is an opportunity for leadership to get out the strategy thermometer and check the temperature.  What are the facts behind this story?  Accountability and transparency apparently not in the  Immigration Equality Lexicon.

Failure in transparency and unwillingness to involve more than a handful,  in a decision so momentous, sets Immigration equality up now for having to take responsibility especially having claimed full ownership to the so-called strategy.  At the very least,they ought to seek  external advice from the community, especially the bi-national community, which happens to be the true owners of the rights at stake.  Perhaps Rachel Tiven could have placed a call to Kate Kendell at  NCLR and to others,  and called for a collection of brains to re assess the picture.

So now in the midst of hailing Congressman Gutierrez for finally coming on board and Senators Schumer, Reid et al for the  (mere) framework for Comprehensive immigration reform, and a whole year later – we have indeed put UAFA to bed. Why? Because if we try and advocate for a stand alone UAFA, any representative who is not asleep at the wheel – will simply tell us to wait.  Guess what? Another year will go by and the balance in Congress will change and we will be back to square one, while continuing  to foster the banishment of our LGBT married and partnered bi-national citizens and residents, some  into exile, detention, and unnecessary risky asylum proceedings. Even Shirley Tan remains at great risk!

Yesterday I received information from an activist whom some of you may know as TIFF; and he says “I’m just back from “jail for CIR,” but the talk is edging toward stand alone bills for Ag-Jobs and the Dream Act given the Republicans flat out opposition to anything Obama wants to do.  This means we might consider focusing more on UAFA as a stand-alone again as well.”

Hallelujah! A year later someone else is speaking ‘my speak;’ and endorsing the fact that Immigration Equality is no longer qualified to own immigration equality!  They have led us on a wild goose chase, all the while collecting the good will and good money of desperate bi-nationals.  G-d I hope I am proved wrong; or alternatively they had better wake up and take the fork in the road.

Tiff goes on to say “But generally, whether we go UAFA alone, or in CIR – we still have major opposition from Evangelicals and USCCB that is going unaddressed.   I think this is a huge hole in our advocacy.”

I agree but all the more reason to jump start UAFA NOW while we have the chance at shooting for the friendly numbers in Congress.  Do not tell me we have no traction!  We have not tried. For as long as we have sailed the river of CIR- we have allowed UAFA to submerge.  No matter what anyone tells you, advocating for UAFA as a stand alone is vastly different from what Immigration Equality has poured its resources into.

Maybe if the Dream Act, Ag and UAFA – were put into an omnibus – and not set up with the ‘12 million biometric pay fines amnesty and fix the border controversy,’ we would get Congress to open their hearts!

Quite frankly when it come to equality related Immigration Bills, the evangelicals are welcome to risk putting their Church communities on the line in a climate that favors equity for gays and lesbians and those who abhor what the Dream Act will remedy, will eventually fall to conscience or take their front row seats in their self preserved Hell.

Recently Tiff put out a letter addressed to the USCCB telling them to STOP their advocacy against our community.   ” Some feel,”  says Tiff,  “that we should be quiet and not rock the boat since we have made gains in terms of being included in various frameworks (which is a great gain, but far from a win.)”

I wonder if he is referring to Immigration Equality here? I chose not to ask.

This articles shows that this struggle is FAR from over, and that the Evangelicals and others will regroup and come back.  http://www.congress.org/news/2010/05/26/rift_grows_between_immigration_allies

The hole that Tiff speaks of is  our failure as a movement to directly engage the opposition.   Most of the work on the religious front is focused on developing support among the more welcoming faiths.

It is here that I must add my agreement by way of example.  I would submit to Tiff that it is more than not engaging our opposition, it is a flagrant refusal to engage our opposition when we have the opportunity.  Example in point – After Shirley Tan gave testimony at the June 2009 Senate Judiciary Committee hearing for UAFA, I left the hearing Room together with Shirl, Jay and then 12 year old twins; we were excited to go door to door in the Dirksen Building to Advocate for UAFA.   (The IE switch to CIR advocacy was to start the very next day, when HONDA introduced related legislation.)

We asked the staff (no names mentioned,) from Immigration Equality, for a list of representatives and senators we should go and visit to introduce Shirl, the family and to tell the story.  The momentum was significant.  We had all afternoon and would have seen anyone.

However we were explicitly told by the IE staffer NOT to waste our time going to visit with Republicans.  Naive at the time, I was surprised, because I always believe that even if a person overtly opposes my viewpoint, I have a duty to provide the education in the hope that it could nestle somewhere in the opposition’s subconscious, waiting for that rainy day of reckoning.

Tiff goes on to say, yesterday “that as with any campaign, if we ignore the opposition, they are left unfettered to do their undermining.  I really recommend that we concentrate more effort on opposing the USCCB and Evangelicals for UAFA and for our broader movement.  I think it’s silly to think that if we are quiet – they will let this happen.”

Yes, I agree TIFF is correct.  However we would need to be looking at UAFA as a stand alone and/or include he Dream Act. That would be the best way. To marry the two.

We could move quickly from framework to BILL, and call it Remedial or Equality Immigration Reform – and amnesty and Biometrics and Borders could fall into CIR as a separate piece of legislation; the division is an excellent plan, because the Equality Immigration reform is in essence remedying an inequity to basic existing rights-  to existing policy and law.

Whereas Biometrics and Amnesty entertains the conference  of a new privilege to undocumented immigrants. The reason to keep border security with this second Bill – would be to encourage Republican votes and same would remain a response to Arizona’s encroachment on Federal law.

Please keep your eyes open for a follow up Article on how we can engage our opposition and how we should push for UAFA as a stand alone, with the possibility of Including DREAM ACT.

By Melanie Nathan
Nathan@privatecourts.com
@oblogdeeoblogda

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Image via Wikipedia

5-8-10 Posted by Melanie Nathan

WASHINGTON – First lady Michelle Obama says having three generations of family living in the White House and raising her two daughters there has been a “beautiful experience.” Mrs. Obama also paid tribute to her mother, Marian Robinson, at a Mother’s Day event at the White House on Friday.

She said her mother is her “rock,” who pushes her to be the best woman, professional, mother and friend she can be. The first lady’s voice broke as she spoke about her mother, who is living at the White House with the Obamas.

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Frank Schubert asserts that his political activities have nothing to do with his sister.  “I tried to focus the Prop 8 and [Maine's] Question 1 campaigns on the various issues associated with redefining marriage, not on the personalities of the people involved on either side. Anne Marie and I disagree on the marriage issue. I am certain that she opposed Prop 8. Neither of us has allowed that single issue to define our relationship as brother and sister.” well jolly good show – but  the 2 apples stay close,  as they hit the ground,  because according to voter records, Anne Marie Schubert is a registered Republican and her campaign has hired one of California’s most formidable conservative political conculting firms- Gilliard Blanning.

While she has a decent record of prosecuting crimes against women and children.   Unfortunately in the US, Judges have political affiliations. To many in the world that is unusual and not desirable.      Her conservatism must impact the record.  How can it not?  Justice Sotomayor commented recently that once life’s experience definitely influences how one sees things as a Judge. 

Anne Marie Schubert is a supervising deputy district attorney for Sacramento County, and according to her website at, http://www.schubertforjudge.com/ : Direct quote-

“As a Prosecutor for 20 years, I have dedicated my career to keeping our community safe, successfully prosecuting murderers, serial rapists, child molesters and other dangerous criminals.  While assigned to the Homicide Team, I developed and implemented the Cold Case Prosecution Program, which has been highly successful in the identification and prosecution of old murder cases.

I am proud to be law enforcement’s choice for Judge. Numerous law enforcement leaders in our community have already endorsed my candidacy, including District Attorney Jan Scully, Sheriff John McGinness, former Sheriff Lou Blanas, Sacramento Police Chief Braziel, Galt Police Chief Loren Cattolico, the Sacramento Police Officers Association and the Sacramento Deputy Sheriffs Association. I have also received the endorsement of WEAVE.”

The aspiring 45 year old’s experience seems to be exclusively in the arena of crime , with Civil Litigation, Defense work, Civil Rights, Family Law all noticeably and critically absent from her record.   She highlights the following experience as prosecutor,  and it is impressive, yet if I were a  Sacramento voter I would be concerned about the fact that her career is steeped to one side and not well rounded.  

• People v. Scott Wright: Prosecution of serial rapist involving violent attacks on two women; trial consisted of six weeks of testimony, including two weeks of Kelly/Frye testimony regarding admissibility of DNA evidence; first case in Solano County to admit PCR DQalpha and Polymarker; first published opinion in California on Polymarker; see  People v. Wright (1998) 62 Cal.App.4th 31. Defendant was sentenced to 79 years in state prison.

• People v. David Funston: Prosecution of serial child molester involving six victims; trial consisted of lengthy testimony involving admissibility of RFLP DNA evidence, including the “product rule”; testimony included several world-renowned DNA experts, including Dr. Ranajit Chakraborty and several defense experts.  Defendant convicted and sentenced to life in prison.

• People v. Irvin Parnell:  Prosecution of serial rapist, who had been previously convicted of rape.  Case involves two separate sexual assaults occurring in 1996 and 1998.  This case involved STR DNA evidence, which was litigated in a protracted admissibility hearing.  The Defendant was convicted of 19 counts and sentenced to life in prison.

Although  Ms.  Schubert does not mention her family or sexual orientation on her website, Sacramento County tax records show that she purchased a residential property with her domestic partner,  Julie Greenberg, where the women live together raising two children.

Asked if he considered Greenberg and the children to be a part of his family, Frank Schubert replied, “Of course I consider them and their children to be part of my family, and I love them very much.” (Bay Area Reporter, Dan Aielo)

Ms.  Schubert declined to discuss same-sex marriage or Proposition 8, citing judicial code. “It is irrelevant what race, creed, sexual orientation, or gender someone possesses. What matters is that all participants in the judicial system be treated with fairness and respect,” she said. According to the Bay Area Reporter.

Geoff Kors of EQCA, according to the Bay Area Reporter commented that, ”It would be terrific to have a member of the Schubert family on the bench who understands the public danger and harm that Frank Schubert has helped inflict on so many,” 

This writer is unsure how Ms. Shubert qualifies for the likes of a family law seat. I am open to hearing more.  I do however express that her brother may serve as an embarrasing noose around her neck (bad cf) or should we simply say her achilles heel – Lets hope that she is judged on her merits and qualifications.

Posted by Melanie Nathan-
nathan@privatecourts.com

 I have chosen one for you that I found particularly touching.  Maybe my subconscious triggered its own perceived miracle, because when I looked at the name on the picture of an elderly 88 year old, it reminded me that I had my very own bobba (grandma) Millie, of blessed memory.   After I read the piece I was hard pressed to imagine my own bobba Milly at my big  Jewish Lesbian wedding.   In fact all I could visualize was my dear bobba Millie (who passed away at age 90) doing cartwheels in her grave :” oy vey, how could she do this to me, oyayooiy how could she do this me?”   

 So now to the letter I want to feature as my favorite for the year of giving- to a group whose motto resonates, profoundly:-

“Building community locally, creating change nationally. ”

 Dear Melanie,

What a distance we have come! 

From the vantage point of my almost 88 years, I have witnessed firsthand how much things have changed for the gay and lesbian members of our community. Growing up, the word “gay” had an entirely different meaning and “lesbian” wasn’t even part of our vocabulary. Much has changed, but it’s still not always easy to talk about these issues in the same way that people talk about other aspects of their family life.

 For me, the most significant marker of this change was the wonderful Jewish wedding of my beloved granddaughter Rachel and her lovely, loving partner, Bonnie. It was a truly joyous occasion, shared by our families and friends. Seeing how happy these two extraordinary young women make each other, who could not be happy for them?

 And yet, when I first learned that Rachel was a lesbian I was totally surprised. Then I quickly realized that Rachel was still Rachel and that my love for her was unconditional.

Having gotten to know, respect, and love Bonnie over the years that she shared holidays, Seders, Shabbat dinners, and other occasions with us, we knew that she had become an integral part of our extended family. At some point, too, I’m sure I will be blessed with great-grandkids.

 So much progress has been made, but so much remains to be done. Thanks toKeshet’s vision, commitment, energy, and persistence, they have become the organization providing information, support, and outreach to the gay, lesbian, transgender, and bisexual members within our community.Keshet has raised the consciousness of all of us.

 But it is still so difficult for those, especially kids, who are unable to share who they really are. The existence of Keshet makes a huge difference in their lives. As individuals, and as a community, we should take great pride in the work of this amazing organization. Please join me in generously supporting Keshetthis Chanukah holiday season.

 Happy Chanukah from my family to yours,

Millie Guberman Kravetz”   – (reprinted with permission.)

Keshet’s mission is to ensure that gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Jews are fully included in all parts of the Jewish community.

In the Greater Boston area, Keshet offers social and cultural events for GLBT Jews ranging from Jewish text study to an annual GLBT Jewish speed-dating gala, Keshet Quick Dates.

Nationally, Keshet offers support, training, and resources to create a Jewish community that welcomes and affirms GLBT Jews.

Keshet is an extraordinary organization and their work, more than anything else, in my opinion, brings normalcy to who we are.  Imagine if more religious based groups could reach their members in this way? 

 This is not only about the dollars Keshet needs, but also about showing your parents and grandparents how our acceptance is increasing in the world, through the mitzvot of love, kindness, giving and compassion.

Posted by Melanie Nathan, – www.visualcv.com/melnathan  
www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com
www.privatecourts.com
Tweet with me:- @oblogdeeoblogda

 Post Picture: Millie and Rachel

The day was first observed by Transgender communities in 1999, and is held on the anniversary of the death of Rita Hester, a transgender woman whose life was cut short in Boston just weeks following the gay-bashing death of Matthew Shepard. To date, her murder, like most anti-transgender murder cases, remains an unsolved crime.

Events are planned in many centers around the US, including Portland, New York, Richmond, San Francisco and many more, including abroad. 

This year’s commemoration also comes just weeks after President Obama signed into law the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act, which added gender identity to the federal hate crimes law.  This year’s Day of Remembrance is especially poignant, coming on the heels of the one year anniversary of Lateisha Green’s shooting death in Syracuse, New York.  Her killing led to New York State’s first-ever hate crime conviction stemming from the death of a transgender person.  It was just the second such conviction in United States history.

Let us remember -
Angie Zapata, an 18-year old Latina transgender woman was found brutally murdered in her home in CO.
 2009:
Taysia Elzy, age 34  Indianapolis, Indiana USA;
Caprice Curry, age 31 San Francisco, California
Jimmy McCollough, drag performer, 34, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Foxy Ivy, under 35, Detroit, Michigan
Kelly (Frederick) Watson, age 32 , Albuquerque, New Mexico
Christopher Jermaine Scott, 30, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Cesar Torres, 39,  El Paso, Texas
Beyonce (Eric) Lee,  21 New Orleans, Louisiana
Tyli’a Mack also known as NaNa Boo, 21, Washington, DC
Paulina Ibarra,  21 East Hollywood, California
JJDoe, Baltrimore  http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/baltimore-city/bal-stabbing1026,0,2707985.story
Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado,: Cayey, Peurto Rico,  decapitated,  November 14, 2009
Jorge was found on the site of an isolated road in the city of Cayey, he was partially burned, decapitated, and dismembered, both arms, both legs, and the torso. Jorge was 19 years old.
Sources: http://www.365gay.com/news/murder-suspect-thought-puerto-rico-gay-teen-was-a-woman/

Please feel free to list names in the comments section – with asmuch information as you would like to provide.

Posted and blogged by – Melanie Nathan. nathan@privatecourts.com

Note to family:

“Gay interventions” during any of the holidays are likely to backfire.

Rather than put out the time and expense, save yourself the embarrassment and disappointment because no matter what you do it’s not your life and ultimately you can’t influence your gay relative’s sexual orientation any more than you can influence what color eyes they are born with.

Let’s not go there with the whole ‘gay is a choice argument’, because it’s irrelevant. It doesn’t matter how your gay relative got to be gay any more than it matters how their eyes got to be brown. What matters is that they ARE gay and if you can’t accept them for who they are then honestly that’s your loss.

Interventions are best saved for people with actual problems that require serious help.

Being gay shouldn’t be a problem for anybody unless they’re a bigot and if that’s how you want to live your life we wish you the best. Just remember that your gay relatives deserve the same respect so live and let live.

When you wake up tomorrow your relative will still be a gay person and you will still be related to one.

Next holiday, celebrate those that are alive and well and honor those who have already passed and remember: sexual orientation has nothing to do with that.

Well, my father let it be known to me that somehow he had been living with the idea that Gina and I were just roommates – even after I came out publicly before we filed for partnership four years ago. The kicker is that his position is that being gay is a choice, and that I chose to be gay and he doesn’t accept that. Basically he feels embarrassment at the thought of telling his friends that his daughter is a lesbian.

I think he has this picture in his mind of lesbian life being the equivalent of an adult movie.

I can understand how he might think that because of the portrayal of gays and lesbians in the media. Yet I don’t know what to do with that information, because regardless of the media I am his daughter. I feel like that simple fact should make him willing to try to see things in a different light – especially if I am living a decent life and handling my responsibilities.

I feel like he doesn’t care about how I feel, only about how he feels.

I feel like he wants me to be ashamed of who I am, when I know that I should really feel pride about being a strong gay woman in today’s society. He says being gay is a choice, I say so what – if it is or isn’t, that doesn’t matter – he should love me regardless. If I chose to be gay or didn’t choose to be gay – I am still gay… and he should still have love for me.

If he can’t feel good about me as a person, how can I feel good about him as a father?

I am trying not to judge, I am trying to remain impartial and stay neutral – understand his position and why he feels the way he does. Sad thing is that I do understand, I just don’t agree… so I agree to disagree but… it still hurts. And, I don’t judge him because that it is not in my jurisdiction. But honestly, I want to hug him and let him know that it’s okay…

It’s okay to have a gay daughter.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

My father was supposed to be posting an article today about what is like to be the parent of a gay daughter, but he e-mailed me last night to tell me he was stumped on his article and had to step back from the writing project so he could, and I quote, “think up some crap that won’t make you look bad on your blog”.

Er… Thanks Dad…. I think…

But he also left me needing something to post today.

I am reasonably good at working off script on most occasions… but today I was a little off and I soon discovered, that times like these, when you really need to look inside yourself and at your life so you can get an article out, sometimes it can be downright troublesome for everyone in the house.

You see at first I thought I would give a few sex tips.

But then I quickly scraped that plan when I realized why we have our Lez Get Real Sexperts, Pugs and Busy Beaver writing on this topic and not me…

See I am pretty good when it comes to talking out my ass, and I used to be something of a deaf Shane in the day, but as I wrote this article, I soon saw as the mother of two-year-old twins I don’t actually have sex life anymore and anything I’d have to say on this topic would just be too out of date and would involve so much talking out of my ass that no one would possibly believe what I was saying…

I started to cry for my dead sex life and I hit the delete button…

Then after I composed myself, I thought I would try giving a few Paula Brooks tips for finding a perfect lesbian girlfriend.

But when I started writing this article and began outlining the attributes that make for a perfect lesbian girl friend, I realize that, in my case, love is blind, and the more I saw what a perfect girlfriend is supposed to be… the more I saw my Darling Girl is far from perfect. And the more I wrote, the madder I got at my partner Debbie.

Finally I ended up texting Debbie to tell her she needed to pick up her own undies off the floor from now on and if she did not buy me something nice today before she came home from work, she could just as well sleep at the office.

Deb’s was very confused about just what is was she did to piss me off… and texted me back “WTF are you going on about girl?”

In the interest of domestic bliss, I thought I had just better leave this topic alone before we ended up as an ex couple.

I hit the delete button on that article too.

Finally, I decided that an article on the lesbian family would be good and it could not possibly cause anyone, especially me, further problems…

But while I was writing that article, key members of my lesbian family lost their little minds and started doing stuff like this…

By the time they were done and ready for a nap, I was so frustrated with being a Lesbian Mom, that my article read like this…

FOR SALE… By frazzled lesbian mom… CHILD LABORERS

Anyway I finally had to give up on that article as well before I ended up shipping my girls off to a Nike Sports Shoe factory in Indonesia.

Now my father is a Washington DC insider. He holds a position at the top levels of Bush Administration and as such, is a professional shoveler of BS… and if he had just done what he does so well and shoveled BS about his gay daughter… none of this would have happened…

So I blame all of this on you Dad.

Then again all of this could be PMS.

Paula Brooks lives in the Outer Banks of North Carolina with her partner, their twin daughters and her hearing helper dog, where they own and operate a vacation home rental business. You can visit her Blogger profile here.