London:- Conservative Crispin Blunt, who is prisons minister in the coalition government has disclosed that he is gay and that he has separated from his wife.

Blunt said he had “decided to come to terms with his homosexuality”. In a statement, he said the move was “difficult” for his family and hoped for their “understanding and support”.

He married Victoria Jenkins in September 1990 in Kensington and they have a son (born August 1994) and daughter (born March 1992). His niece is Golden Globe-award winning actress Emily Blunt^[.  Blunt’s voting record in Parliament had previously been broadly unsympathetic towards gay rights.

He has been MP for Reigate since 1997, before which he served in the Armed Forces for many years.  The 50-year old – a junior minister in the Department of Justice – has two children.

He announced his separation from his wife Victoria in a statement on the Conservative Home website, saying he had “explained the position” to his family. “There is no third party involvement but this is difficult for his immediate and wider family and he hopes for understanding and support for them,” the statement said.

As prisons minister, Mr Blunt is responsible for penal policy and finding savings in the prisons budget as part of this autumn’s departmental spending review.

He hit the headlines last month when he called for rules banning comedy gigs, parties and other recreational events being held in prisons to be relaxed – which No 10 immediately ruled out.

Apparently a local commented – everyone in the local party likes him and it’s a courageous thing to do. It’s really a private matter for him.

By Melanie Nathan
This pattern of anti-gay votes and campaigns leading right to the gay watering hole is becoming too much!

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The media is buzzing about the new film “The Kids Are All Right”, which premiered earlier this month.  Its release was exciting for me because for the first time I saw characters who closely reflected my family’s makeup, though the rest of the story, not really.  I too have two mothers and a sperm donor who I contacted when I turned eighteen.  The outcome was different and far less drama surrounded my family when I was finally able to contact and meet my donor, though there were still plenty of surreal moments.  The reaction to the film has been extremely varied, from people thrilled to see representation of a lesbian-headed household, to those who see the events depicted in the film as reinforcement of the notion that children need to know and live with their biological mother and father.

Growing up in Massachusetts through the marriage equality debate in 2004 and all subsequent movements, I have long been combating false beliefs that LGBTQ people should not get married or raise children.  I have lesbian mothers and I have a sperm donor.  This in no way has made me less of a person, daughter, woman, or friend.  To me, what makes a good parent is dedication to raising and loving a child.  The number, gender, or sexuality of the parents does not determine the ability to help a child grow into a compassionate and kind person.  To tell the truth, I feel lucky to have grown up with the knowledge that my mother put a great deal of time, money, and thought into having me.  I have never doubted that I am loved because I know how much my mother wanted to have a child and did everything she could to have me.

While I understand that some people believe that the married, heterosexual, biological family is the only valid familial model, I refuse to let this stereotype go unchallenged.  I have two mothers, only one of whom is biological, and no father.  Rather than somehow leaving a negative affect, my family has helped me become a more open, loving, passionate, and socially aware individual.  Growing up I was surrounded by many wonderful adult role models, some of whom were male.  Of course I thought about my sperm donor, who he was, why he donated, what it would be like to meet him.  The reason for me was never about searching for a parent I had lost or a piece of me that was missing, it was about meeting and thanking the person who enabled Cathy and Nancy, my mothers, to become parents.

I had never met another person with a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or even queer parent until I was thirteen.  That summer my family went to Provincetown, Massachusetts for Family Week where I participated in workshops provided by COLAGE.  COLAGE is the only national youth-driven network of children, youth, and adults with LGBTQ parents.  I would not be writing this if I had never come to know COLAGE and the others with LGBTQ parents I met through COLAGE.  That summer I found my center and my political voice.  Through the years COLAGE has helped me become a better advocate for myself and my family.  This summer I am an intern at COLAGE and I am assisting in the distribution of the Donor Insemination (DI) Guide.  The DI Guide is part testimonials and part advice focusing on the questions and concerns of donor-conceived children and their families.  I have been able to watch the DI Guide go from an idea to a tool for families.

It has been almost three years since I began the process of contacting my sperm donor.  Four months after I turned eighteen I had the name and address of my donor and within the year I learned I had two half-sisters who shared the same donor.  I think the most incredible part of meeting my donor and half-siblings was putting an end to the mystery.  After years of playing around with different scenarios in my head, or coming up with the reasons that Harvey Fierstein was my donor, I lost mystique but gained very real new friends and family.  Now family gatherings include my two sisters, two of their siblings, our collective six lesbian mothers, and our donor and his wife.  Certainly we are still getting to know each other, but there is an undeniably authentic connection between all of us.

Along with identical chins, my half-sisters and I have followed very similar paths.  One sister, who is four months older than me, was a sophomore at Smith College as I began my first year at Mount Holyoke College.  The schools are both women’s liberal arts colleges and twenty minutes apart. Together we met our other donor sister in March 2009.  It turned out that this new sister is from a town ten minutes from my own, that we have mutual acquaintances, and I had heard about her a year before I met her.  At a drama festival at her high school I met a guy who had taken the girl in town with lesbian mothers to her senior prom the previous year.  In my favorite “small world” story, my sister and I took the same guy to our senior proms.  I do not look like anyone in my family, but I do look a lot like her.  The photos, both of us wearing blue dresses, are just incredible.  Thankfully, we did not both date “our” prom date.

Meeting my donor and my new extended family did not alter my relationship with my parents.  They were completely supportive of my desire to contact my donor and they were with me when I met him.  I did not begin this adventure to seek a father and, though my donor is a wonderful person and a part of my life now, he is not my father.  I have two parents and that is enough for me, but I am thrilled to have him as part of my growing family.  For some people, family is a rigid concept.  For me, family is not limited by genetics or living in the same home.  My family is filled with moms, grandparents, half-siblings, friends, cousins, and a sperm donor.  It may seem unfamiliar to some, but this is my family and together we are more than all right.

-Emily McGranachan

Emily McGranachan ’12  – Love Makes a Family

Hometown: Georgetown, Massachusetts

Emily McGranachan found her voice at the age of 13 while attending the COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere) Family Week in Provincetown, Massachusetts. Its “life-changing lessons” gave her “a sense of empowerment.”

As a resident of Massachusetts, McGranachan often heard people debate what rights her family should have. Now a guest speaker with the Freedom to Marry Tour, she has shared her story and “introduced people to a child of a same-sex household” on several radio stations nationwide.

McGranachan has also worked to encourage tolerance and activism on a local level, serving as president of her high school Civil Rights Team and as a volunteer at a family homeless shelter through Horizons for Homeless Children. “These children inspire me,” she said. “In return I do my best to teach them kindness and compassion by being a positive role model.”

COLAGE is an organization, created in 1989 by the children of several lesbians and gay men who felt a need for support. Though its membership is not necessarily LGBT-identified, COLAGE’s focus on the issues of LGBT parents’ families makes it a de facto part of the LGBT community. There are 52 COLAGE chapters in the United States of America, 2 chapters in Canada, and one European chapter.  COLAGE is run and operated by children (of all ages) who have a lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or transgender (LGBT) parent or parents. Older Colagers mentor younger members. They prepare them for any challenges that a child may have, having same sex parents. Members are open with each other and any topic can and is discussed. COLAGE teams each summer with Family Pride and holds its annual Family Week in Provincetown on Cape Cod. There, hundreds of gay families come to enjoy the summer and the kids attend COLAGE meetings and workshops.

COLAGE is based out of San Francisco, California and has small number of paid staff. Its executive director is Beth Teper who has a lesbian mom and today is an advocate for children who have same sex parents.

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Melanie Nathan; 8-12-10;

Military members with CAC cards: Continue to share your views on how best to implement the repeal of DADT. Provide specific policy change recommendations. Over 53,000 comments have been provided to DoD so far. The opportunity to participate ends on 15 August.

This is an example of one of the many privately received comments and requests to LGR received since paralleling Rachel Maddow’s DADT Blitz on her show last night.

We were asked by a closeted members of the armed Services to request more comments by service members on the DoD Survey;

DoD Site suggests that ” Noting the importance of getting the opinions of those who would be most affected by a possible repeal of the so-called “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law that bans gays and lesbians from serving openly in the military, Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates today urged servicemembers to provide their input.”

at http://www.defense.gov/home/features/2010/0610_gatesdadt/

“Servicemember participation in the 2010 DoD Comprehensive Review Survey of the Uniformed Active Component and Reserve Component Servicemembers is Vitally Important.

The Department of Defense would like to remind and encourage servicemembers to participate in the 2010 DoD Comprehensive Review Survey of the Uniformed Active Component and Reserve Component Servicemembers if they receive it via e-mail or a letter in the mail by Aug. 15. Servicemember’s participation in the survey are vitally important to ensure DoD is able to assess the impact, if any, a change in the law “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” might have on military readiness, military effectiveness, unit cohesion, and recruiting and retention.

If you received the survey and have questions or if you experience technical problems please call 1-888-491-2083 or e-mail Support@MilitarySurveys.org “

I assume that because this is coming from un-outed  and active service members, the feedback must be positive to the repeal of DADT to this point.

“The question before us is not whether the military prepares to make this change, but how we best prepare for it.… An important part of this process is to engage our men and women in uniform and their families over this period since, after all, they will ultimately determine whether or not we make this transition successfully.”  Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates
Washington, D.C. – Feb. 2, 2010

Examples of the Impact of DADT is in many of the untold stories such as the one where a service member lost custody of her children when her ex-husband threatened to OUT her to the Military over a lesbian affair.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: We have many such stories in the wake of this publicity and hope that President Obama will bring an end to this travesty being perpetrated on those so willing to serve their country.

AT lezgetreal we covered the following:

Lt. Col. Victor Fehrenbach

http://lezgetreal.com/2010/08/highly-decorated-combat-air-force-aviator-files-injunction-in-federal-court-to-block-%E2%80%9Cdadtl%E2%80%9D-discharge/

Captain Jonathan Hopkins – http://lezgetreal.com/2010/08/captain-jonathan-hopkins-west-point-grad-hero-fired-by-dadt/

Katherine Miller Miller NYCLU

http://lezgetreal.com/2010/08/new-face-on-dadt-breaking-video-katie-miller-in-her-own-words/

Katherine Miller on Maddow

http://lezgetreal.com/2010/08/rachel-maddows-powerful-interview-with-cadet-katie-miller/

Maddow Questioning Obama and DADT Firings

http://lezgetreal.com/2010/08/maddow-on-dadt-why-is-commander-in-chief-obama-allowing-discharges-now/

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
www.privatecourts.com

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07/26/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

The Melissa Etheridge/Tammy Lynn Michaels split gets uglier everyday. ET Online is reporting that court documents filed by Etheridge claim that Tammy “used the kids as pawns.” Michaels and Etheridge have three year old twins, Miller and Johnnie. When Melissa flew to Boston to visit their children, she was served with papers instead. ET also has Tammy’s monthly budget.

In the papers, Michaels estimates Etheridge earns between $600,000 and $750,000 a month and can easily afford to support her and the twins. She is also asking for $4,300 a month for childcare, so that she can work or get job training.

Michaels, a full-time homemaker with no income, spends $1,500 on groceries and household supplies, $50 on laundry and cleaning, $800 on dining out with her children and $6,000 a month for rent. Her monthly clothing budget before the split was reportedly $5,000.

These women baffle me. Is Tammy asking for a lot of money? Yes. She has not only filed for child support, but also spousal support. Can Melissa afford it? Yes. Is Tammy filing for sole custody in order to get more money disgusting? Yes. Children shouldn’t be kept from a parent, especially for monetary reasons. Should Melissa just give the lady the money so she can see her children? Probably. Is this a big mess? Fo’ realz.

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Rachel Wahba, Co-founder of Olivia Cruises and Resorts, is a psychotherapist in private practice in San Francisco. She grew up stateless, an Egyptian -Iraqi Jew, born in India, and raised in Japan, before arriving in the United States.  Navigating diverse cultures and complicated emotions are her forte.

Rachel, an avid and talented photographer,  will be writing exclusively for Lezgetreal, in a column that will theme social and relationship issues, stories, and commentary through the eyes of this unique lesbian lens encapsulated in the context of lesbian history or histrionics…mmm.. let us see where it goes  .. The Editors at Lezgetreal know you are in for a treat.

Rachel’s first column will appear today – titled  ‘Lez-Talk  with Rachel’

Welcome Rachel

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I called the break-up of these two awhile ago and Tammy Lynn Michaels called me out on her blog, saying I don’t know anything about her relationship. I’m not happy to be right. But it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out from the “Hollywood Farm Girl’s” blog that their relationship was over. Read the saga between myself and Tammy Lynn (and her fans & Melissa fans) below:  

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Read the announcement of the break up: http://hollywoodfarmgirl.blogspot.com/

Karel – well known out gay radio personality/host and pro equality proponent blasted the fact that Larry King gets to marry so often and to divorce so often. Karel went on to say that Gay people have  no marital rights under the federal law in the USA.  He makes the point that protecting the sanctity of marriage (for straights people,) an unsubstantiated argument against gay marriage, is impacted by people being allowed to divorce especially as often as the likes of Larry King.

While Karel’s thesis is to restrict divorce, mine is to ban divorce.  His idea is based on the fact that people get to divorce too many times and that surely impacts the so called sanctity of marriage.  However my argument speaks to the fact that same-sex marriage is outlawed under federal law based purely on the mindset and argument that same-sex couples will disturb the sanctity of marriage.

What could be worse to the sanctity of marriage than the couple, who exercised their  legal right to marry, signed the legal contract and even made a religious vow to stay together until ‘death do us part,’ terminating the marriage?   What could be more rift causing, family breaking, troublesome than that?

I guess what to those proponents it is worse if same gender couples marry and stay together until “death do them part!”

So gays and lesbians are denied their inherent right, to marry; and specifically discriminated against by virtue of DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) for an absolutely fallacious reason – while the real cause of harm to marriage is a day to day occurrence for many different people and for some a regular occurrence every few years or so.   True Larry King is indeed an old bloke – 80 plus… I do not know so that gives him a marriage every ten years since the day he was born! See my November, 2009 Article  BAN DIVORCE …

Karel’s show: ‘if you want to hear the comments including the authors go to the podcast at www.radiokrl.com or iTunes

Hear and SEE Karel On Green960 KKGN San Francisco, KRXA 540 Monterey, KUDO Anchorage, KYNS San Luis Obispo, iTunes, More To Follow 3pm to 6pm M-F Live!

Thanks to Karel for correcting me – 8th divorce and 7th wife. Even bigger chutzpah he got to marry one twice!

Melanie Nathan

by Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

@oblogdeeoblogda

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04/5/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

DJ Tracy Young got dumped because Real Housewife Kim Zolciak couldn’t take the criticism that comes with a lesbian relationship. Young couches this in a nest of nice words towards Zolciak, but in the end that’s the bottom line. Kim Zolciak is best known for her drama stirring ways on the Real Housewives of Atlanta, as well as for her relationship with the married Lee Najar, aka Big Papa. Rumors about Zolciak and Young started to fly about 2 months ago and Zolciak recently addressed the situation, saying both women were in a vulnerable place when they met and they made each other happy for a brief moment in time but they had since broken up.

Young basically confirms what Zolciak said, Young had gotten out of a long term relationship with her partner and Kim was rebounding from yet another Big Papa disappointment. The two met while collaborating on “Tardy for the Party.” Young says the two broke up after four months because Kim couldn’t handle the media scrutiny and said several times, “she has kids” as a reason that Kim didn’t want to be in a lesbian relationship. Young also says that “it’s a hard lifestyle.” She only had good things to say about Zolciak, who is frequently slammed for her behavior on Real Housewives. She says that Kim in real life is not the one you see on T.V. and that she is a good person. Young admits that the two are not currently speaking at all, but she holds out hope that in the future the two of them could get back togther. I kind of hope they do. I’m such a sap! Maybe this is all a ploy to get the media off their backs so they can continue their relationship in private?

You can listen to the entire interview HERE

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Melanie Nathan, reporting 3-29-2010.

We wrote an article on March 26th questioning the actions of Liberty Council and now have received word that our questions are well founded, in light of a  new brief recently submitted to the Vermont Court by Liberty.

In the brief Liberty Council attorneys challenge the right of the Vermont Supreme Court to do what it did which was to recognize Janet Jenkins as a legal parent of IMJ: “Regardless of the parentage label attached to Jenkins’ status by this Court or the trial court, the fact is that Jenkins is not the biological or adoptive parent to IMJ.”

Liberty Counsel then goes on to cite the Declaration of Independence and point out that “… there comes a time when government abuses require the people to throw off abusive government.”

GLAD has been representing Janet Jenkins at the appellate level in Vermont, and has informed us that it has been a long, difficult journey for the now legal custodial parent, Janet Jenkins.

A spokesperson for GLAD informed me today that if Liberty Council attorneys are assisting Ms. Miller,  this would be a very serious professional breach, for which attorneys can be disbarred.

They also said Liberty Council attorneys go much further in their language in this Brief  and by virtue of the wording itself, it is my opinion that it is evident that the lawyers of Liberty Council are indeed assisting Lisa Miller.

GLAD’s Spokesperson said,“ As lawyers we were shocked by the language in this brief.  In essence the brief is saying  ‘We don’t believe in your authority as a Supreme Court.”

Further, as previously asked, how can attorneys purport to act without a client? Where is the person providing the instruction? Surely these are ethical practice questions. How can attorneys purport to speak on behalf of a client who they purport to have no contact with?

As a writer with a strong legal background, I too must conclude that this is one of the most egregious and astounding documents I have ever seen filed into a Court of Law. I think its actionable on so many fronts.

This has gone far beyond a gay straight mother custody issue. This is now an example of where church fundamentalism has seriously crossed the most sacred of boundaries, masking their defiance behind the legitimacy of legal practice and the associated BAR that governs such practice.

Lezgetreal is a labor of love and if we had the resources we would be knocking on many doors right now. That said, we would love for someone in the mainstream media with deep investigative pockets to 1) find Lisa and 2) take a good hard look at Liberty Counsel.

M-J SUPREME COURT BRIEF 03-08-10

Melanie Nathan

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

In defiance of State Law:
LIBERTY COUNCIL: Mailing Address: PO Box 540774, Orlando, FL 32854. Telephone: 800-671-1776. Email: Liberty@LC.org

Thomas Road Baptist Church www.trbc.org 1 Mountain View Drive Lynchburg, VA 24514-0003 (434) 239-9281

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Lisa Miller is still on the run – Isabella is almost 9 (April)  and it is a month since arrest warrant -  Are friends  helping and hiding lesbian mom and child?

By Melanie Nathan. 3-25-10; So called “Friends of Lisa Miller”  alias Liberty Council say they don’t know where Lisa Miller  and her seven-year-old daughter are, but they say they support her decision to leave.  A Vermont court ordered Miller’s ex-partner Janet Jenkins custody of their daughter in May, and now it’s been six months since Miller’s friends say they’ve had any contact with her.

The case has drawn national attention and has strong ties to Lynchburg.  Liberty Counsel is working on filing an appeal to the latest court order, which included handing over Isabella.

It does not take a genius to see through this farce. The purported ‘we do not know where she is at?’  Can you imagine a ‘ face- all -over -the -gay -press’ mom with an almost nine year old running, hiding and not a single human soul knows where she is at?

Famous Linda Wall quotes:

“I was able to leave homosexuality through a miraculous encounter with the Lord,”

“Thomas Road Baptist church didn’t play a part.”

“I do support what she’s done,”"When the law is wrong, what’s a person to do?”

“I am supposed to be the number one suspect because I was so involved in this and I don’t know where she is”

Lisa Miller’s friend Janet Stasulli also has no idea of her whereabouts. “We have no idea where she is.” The last time Wall says she had contact with Miller was in late September. Up to that point, she believes Miller was working behind the scenes on her escape. It’s a decision they support.  Wall said.

Janet Jenkins’ ACLU attorney, Sarah Star said that even though Jenkins has been awarded sole custody of Isabella, she would still allow Miller to have visitation.   Miller and Jenkins were joined in a Vermont civil union in 2000. Miller broke up with Jenkins in 2003, moved to the Lynchburg-area, denounced homosexuality, and joined Thomas Road Baptist Church.      Isabella was born to Miller, biologically  and Jenkins, by adoption, through artificial insemination in 2002.

In addition to Star, Jenkins is being represented in the various legal proceedings by the Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, the ACLU of Virginia, and Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders.

The Miller-Jenkins girl is one of 142 children who have been reported as missing in Virginia during the last two years alone — 85 of them girls — according to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

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Melanie Nathan

By Melanie Nathan, EMAIL

Susan Sommer, LAMBDA

Argument starts  in Lambda Legal Case to Protect Parent-Child Relationship Between Child and Non-Biological Mother.

Posted By Melanie Nathan.   2/19/10/    (New York, February 17, 2010) -  Lambda Legal argued before the New York State Court of Appeals on behalf of a non-biological mother after an intermediate appeals court denied her right to seek custody and visitation with, and provide financial support to the child she has parented with her former same-sex partner.

“This heartbreaking case calls on our high court to address the best interests of the child in sustaining his relationship with the person he has always known as his second parent,” said Susan Sommer, Director of Constitutional Litigation at Lambda Legal. “New York law governing children’s rights to their non-biological parents needs to be clarified by the court. Many other states protect a child’s relationship with a non-biological, non-adoptive parent. This child should not be at risk of losing the person who has been his mother all his life.”

Lambda Legal represents Debra H. in her effort to continue to parent the son she and her former partner, Janice R., planned together. The couple agreed they would raise a family together in a two-parent household and conceived their son using in vitro fertilization.  Janice promised that Debra would formally adopt their child, and they met with an adoption lawyer prior to their son’s birth. In 2003, before he was born, they entered into a civil union in Vermont, which at that time was the most legally significant relationship available to same-sex couples under U.S. law.

Debra was by Janice’s side throughout labor and delivery and cut their son’s umbilical cord; her last name was included in their son’s name on his birth certificate. In the years that followed Debra gave him the day and night love, nurture and care of a mother. When it came time for the second-parent adoption, Janice, an attorney, advised Debra “as a lawyer” that they didn’t need to get the courts involved and Debra would always be the boy’s parent. When the couple’s relationship ended in 2006, Debra continued actively to parent her son, who moved with Janice into an apartment only a block away. Debra and her son were together daily, and she often put him to bed.

In May of 2008, when the child was 4 ½ years old, Janice abruptly refused Debra any further contact with him. Debra immediately filed for emergency joint custody and restoration of parental access. The trial court ordered interim regular ongoing visitation and allowed Debra’s petition to proceed to trial. When Janice appealed, Lambda Legal entered the case in early 2009 on Debra’s behalf. The case was argued in the Appellate Division, First Department in March 2009, and on April 9, 2009, the trial court decision was reversed. The New York Court of Appeals then accepted the case for appeal. Many prominent legal and child welfare experts have filed friend-of-the-court briefs on Debra’s side, including the New York State Bar Association, the New York City Bar Association, the National Association of Social Workers, and 45 family law professors on the faculty of every law school in New York State.

The child’s court-appointed attorney also asked the court to give Debra the opportunity to protect their relationship.

“This boy needs his mother. New York should apply long-established law recognizing and protecting the parent-child relationships of children reared by parents with no biological ties. We hope for a high court decision that will save this six-year-old child from the tragic loss of his mother and bring the law in line with the reality for many New York families,” said Sommer.

Susan Sommer argued the appeal on behalf of Debra. She is joined by co-counsel Bonnie Rabin and Orrit Hershkovitz of Cohen, Hennessey, Bienstock & Rabin, P.C. Debra’s son is represented by Anthony Parisi, III and counsel Jennifer Colyer of Fried, Frank, Harris, Shriver & Jacobson LLP, who argued the case in the Court of Appeals.

The case is Debra H. v. Janice R.

Melanie Nathan

Posted by Melanie Nathan,
nathan@privatecourts.com ;
www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com

Rumors that Hollywood’s first lesbian power couple is breaking up are flying around the internet. Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels Etheridge are the ultimate lesbian couple. They married in 2003 and Tammy gave birth to their twins in 2006. They also have two children from Melissa’s previous relationship. The two women have always been gracious celebrities, kind to their fans, the media and their fellow celebrities. However, they may not be being so kind to each other. Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton tweeted yesterday:

Trouble with Melissa Etheridge and her wife Tammy? I’m hearing so.

The problem with this tweet is that the source is probably Tammy herself. Tammy keeps a blog http://hollywoodfarmgirl.blogspot.com/ where she has been posting some really shady posts. The posts are really veiled, passive agressive attacks on Melissa. One post says:

people treat you the way you treat yourself
so if you are the type to put the oxygen mask on someone else, before yourself
they won’t put the mask on you, they’ll take care of themselves first, taking their cue
from you and your prior actions

if you give and give and give and take care of someone
until plenty spill-eth over-th
then why should your partner give any more?
you’ve given enough for both?

Tammy also took down a post she put up yesterday that is even more condemming:

well here she sits
the truth eating at the flesh like acetone to fake nails
melting
disfiguring disforming
soon she’ll be handicapped from all this withholding
all this restraint
to save what? for why?
how unpopular
to voice the truth that does not match the super hero
the cape
the theme song
the tv show
the movie
the image
she wonder how long one thinks she will swallow
one’s comings and goings
and say nothing

My first problem with these posts is that this is really awful poetry. Like, borderline illiterate poetry. My second problem is that I (and celebrity bloggers in general) will be put on blast for perpetuating these break up rumors of everyone’s favorite couple. But, Tammy is bringing this on herself. She is putting her relationship problems on the website. She is attacking the partner that she has built a life with and is raising children with, online for the world to see. It’s childish. It’s vindictive. Tammy knows exactly what she is doing. She knew that people would catch onto her whining and start broadcasting the rumors. Maybe this is a ploy to gain some media attention to herself and Melissa, but most likely it’s a call for sympathy. I’m not going to cry for poor Tammy who sits at home alone while Melissa is out singing to hot women. If Tammy has a problem, she should put her big girl panties on and deal with it privately, with her wife, not with the entire world.

UPDATE: As of 4/14/2010- Etheridge and Michaels have ended their 9 year relationship.

UPDATE: 4/25/2010- On Friday Melissa Etheridge appeared on Oprah and stated that the breakup was “as mutual as these things can be.” She also stated that she will always love Tammy as the mother of her children. She quipped, “I don’t know why people say there is no gay marriage because I have two ex-wives.” Tammy responded to this on her blog, writing:

this will be the only place
where you will get the truth
Hollywood Farm Girl
is the only one
who gets
it right
who won’t spin
won’t lie
won’t act like there was
drifting
and that’s all.

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02/08/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

The Samantha Ronson/Lindsay Lohan romance has been off for a few months now. There have been reports of Lohan dating men, even another DJ that Ronson is acquainted with. When Ronson was asked by paparazzi how she felt about that, she wished Lohan luck with her new romance. Over the past two weeks, there has been more reports of Lohan’s erratic behavior when it comes to Ronson. First, Ronson asked paparazzi if Lohan was sending them after her on purpose. Given Lohan’s relationship with the paparazzi, this seems possible. Also, witnesses at clubs say that Lohan has been grinding with other women in front of Ronson, to try and make her jealous. Lohan has thrown a drink in Ronson’s face and Ronson herself admitted that she got kicked out of a club because Lohan kept flicking cigarette butts at her.

Despite the witnessed violent behavior from Lohan towards Ronson, Lohan is claiming that Ronson is the one who has been throwing the punches, literally. A source has exclusively spoken to Radaronline.com saying:

One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head,” the source told RadarOnline.com. “She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her.

“She also said that Sam even punched and choked her one time.”

Ronson has not responded to these allegations. However, they seem out of character for the lesbian DJ, who kept a low profile before her romance with Lohan. No past girlfriends of Ronson’s have come forward to verify this type of behavior on Ronson’s part. I would assume that they are false until proven, because that is the kind of rumor that can ruin someone’s life. Domestic abuse accusations aren’t something one should participate in out of anger towards an ex-girlfriend.

These accusations are very serious. Abuse by a partner is a huge issue and shouldn’t be taken lightly. The LBQ community doesn’t necessarily embrace an open dialogue about domestic violence or rape within our own community, but it happens. Let’s hope that in this case, where there is smoke there isn’t fire.

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 San Diego Police Department conducted a welfare check at an apartment where officers found two bodies around in an apparent murder suicide.  

 GLTNN reports that the two bodies found were Eric Schulthise, a SeaWorld employee and Robert “Bob” Agnew, a former Naval Academy instructor. The respected and well-liked Schulthise was a regular in the Bear community, attending many fundraisers and events throughout the city. He was also a frequent go-go dancer at Bacchus House Bear Night. Schulthise and Agnew dated off and on from September through December 2009.

 According to the San Diego Union-Tribune, SDPD confirmed that a gun was found in the apartment. Homicide Detectives are investigating further.

 Fox also reported that neighbors have witnessed the two men arguing in front of the complex. Gun shots were heard and reported but it seems that the Police may not have shown up until a day later. 

 The deaths of both Schulthise and Agnew have stunned and deeply saddened many in the San Diego community. Since the news was reported, Schulthise’s Facebook page has been flooded with messages of condolence from people everywhere. Those close to both men were aware that the one-time couple had relationship troubles that eventually led to their break-up in mid-December.

SDPD has not yet released details on the murder-suicide investigation. GLTNN has learned from sources close to both men that a three-page suicide note was left, addressed to one of the men’s roommates.  We will report further developments as updates in this breaking news story on this same post on this site. Interested readers should subscribe to these comments and posts. 

 By Melanie Nathan nathan@privatecourts.com

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Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I will be dishing out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career, family and fashion issues. Are your friends tired of trying to come up with the solutions to your problems? Are your friends the problem? Did your mom surprise you with a date with the nice guy at her office? I’m here to help!

 Dear Femme,

My name is J* and I have been dating this girl named A for like 10 month. When we first started dating I knew she didn’t want a relationship. At that time I didn’t either I was just picking myself up from a bad situation with school. At the time we were talking she was talking to another girl that seemed to be there first, she faded away because of her jealousy and now they are friends. A soon after lost her job and I supported her. Things got better and we started to be intimate and feelings grew. Then A said that it felt too much like a relationship and she didn’t want it. We said we loved each other and I told her I wanted us to be together and this made her mad and now we aren’t speaking. I want to be with her but I don’t know if I’m living in a dream world and refuse to see that she doesn’t want me or if what she is asking is for the best for me and her.

Hello J,

Thanks for writing in. I’m sorry about your situation with A, it sounds like she is sending you a lot of mixed signals. It’s not right for her to continue your intimate relationship when she knows you want it to be more than just sex. So, J, you will have to be the one to walk away from this before you invest more time, energy and apparently, cash. You have showed A that you are a generous, caring person. A is not into you, she is leading you on and playing games with you. Cut your losses, move on. Find a girl who wants a relationship, has a steady job and will appreciate your many great qualities. I’m sure it’s A’s loss, not yours! Good luck and let me know how it turns out.

Dear Femme,

S*

Hello S,

Thanks for writing in. There is a lot going on in this question, but I think there is a very clear answer. You write that you want to break up or separate but your girlfriend doesn’t want to. That doesn’t matter. If you want to be single, she doesn’t get a say. Tell her very firmly that you don’t desire a relationship any longer, that you want to be single so that you can have fun and that you will decide upon a fair way to split your shared assets. Please don’t lead your girlfriend on because you “like having her around the house.” She needs to get out of the house, learn how to support herself and find someone who will love her, value her and be monogamous with her. Staying together isn’t fair to either one of you.

Good luck S and let me know how it works out.
     
Dear Femme,

I’d like to know, who the fem is behind this column? BTW I am bored. I’m hardly bored but I am rested and have nothing to do right now. I guess that is my problem.

Curious

Hello Curious,

If you want to know who I am, you can check out my LGR profile. http://lezgetreal.com/?p=21624  

I’m sorry that you are bored. But there are TONS of things you can do.

Go for a walk

Go to the gym

Call an old friend

Call a family member you miss

Text your crush

Hang out in your local coffee shop and smile at cute girls

 Write a short story

Write a novel

Clean your apartment

Go shopping

Enroll in a cooking class

Go to the library and smile at the cute girls

Check out the rest of the great articles on Lez Get Real!

Good luck Curious and let me know what you ended up doing!

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

*Names have been changed

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Miller had withheld Isabella from seeing Jenkins, disregarding the Court ordered visitation. The child, born of the Civil Union between the moms, has been registered as a missing child with the National Center for Missing Children since Miller failed to show up for a handing over of custody.

“ All I want,” says Jenkins, “is a healthy relationship with my child. You don’t just drop a parent and walk away. I believe the church is involved in hiding her. It is barbaric to suggest that 2 moms can’t raise child”

They split when Isabella was 17 months old. Lisa Miller went to Virginia, and the moms entered into an amicable custody plan, with Jenkins driving 8 hour journeys to be with Isabella over weekend. Lisa became an ex-gay born again, and suddenly Jenkins was a sinner.

For the first time we were able to see the authenticity (not that I ever doubted it) of Jenkins’ side, through her expressions of longing and resolve. Janet Jenkins has been through hell and one can only imagine what the child has suffered.

Let us start with the day that Lisa Miller, born again Christian ex-lesbian, embraced and towed at the nose by the remnants of Jerry Farwell via Liberty Church, et al – decided that the other mother, Jenkins was no longer worthy and in Jenkins words “Suddenly I was a sinner.” “She made Isabella call me by my first name instead of mommy.”

With Christian supporting groups claiming that Miller is the perfect mother, what decent parent would subject their own child to a sudden removal, which a child perceives as abandonment, from a parent the child has known and loved from the day the child was born. The child felt pain at that parting- what kind of mother allows that to happen? Based on that alone, Jenkins deserves her custody and the child deserves a rational parent who does not place her need above that of the child.

After hearing Janet Jenkins speak and seeing the Videos on TV, I became more entrenched in my stance, that Miller is not a worthy parent – and that is how the Courts see such severe cases of parental alienation as well – that is why the Courts are perfectly correct to take the child and give her to the one parent that probably would never have alienated the child from the other.

Lisa Miller has got what she deserved. But Isabelle must suffer a loss yet again – simply because of the incompetency of her mother to acknowledge the orders of the Court. The injustice and deprivation of the relationship between Isabella and her mother cannot be rewarded in any way. That is why Miller has lost custody. Biology does not factor in here. These moms had an established relationship and decided to inseminate together.

Any reader who has gone through this process, as a non-bio mom in a lesbian couple knows what an intense process it is and the leap of faith in is to allow the other mother to carry the child, may not seem as such at the time, when in good faith and love it is procure as a act for both parents. But in all cases both lesbian moms really want their baby and trust in the shared parenthood. To simply decide that a mother is not a mother anymore is absolutely heart wrenching and unconscionable on every level.

“I am looking for my daughter and whenever the phone rings I expect it is someone telling me where she is at.” She reminisced that having the baby was “the best high in the world,” as a picture of her beaming face next to the newly born Isabella came up on the screen.

Judge Cohen, Vermont Superior Court in Rutland, has given Lisa until 2/23 to return the child or she could be arrested for contempt. Jenkins is seriously concerned for Isabella’s well being, remarking, “ Lisa is dangerous, vulnerable and desperate and capable of anything.”

“I will not give up,” said Jenkins and Isabella will come home – her room and Christmas gifts are here waiting for her.”

Anyone with information regarding Isabella’s and Lisa’s whereabouts is asked to call the Center for Missing and Exploited Children at 1-800-843-5678 or the Bedford County Sheriff’s Office at 540-586-4800.

By Melanie Nathan
Nathan@privatecourts.com
www.privatecourts.com

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by  Melanie Nathan;     ’We have been reporting that ex-lesbian Lisa Miller failed to show up to hand over the child to her ex partner, custodial mom, Janet Jenkins as ordered by a Vermont Court Judge.  Miller’s contempt proceeding will be heard in Vermont this week.  If the Judge orders Ms. Miller in contempt, then I guess (this is for you Debbie Thurman) that you prayers worked.    I am sure the Judge does not take kindly to his orders being abused.   Ms. Miller’s game must come to an end. She is using the Court System in a way that is simply unconscionable.

 Is the Liberty Groups, Attorneys for Miller, and Thurman and ex-lesbian groups  receiving Miller’s instruction and where and how? Are they aiding and abetting this commission of contempt? 

 Ms. Miller is trying to pave her way to the Supremes for help – but I personally do not believe there is any landmark to be made from mere religious fervor such as this.

 From LGR we say – Lisa – We urge you to come out of the forest and into the light – bring Isabella to Court this week, so you can hand her over to Janet at Court, instead of going through the contempt proceding.  There is always a chance to make amends and work towards a happier situation.

By Melanie Nathan, nathan@privatecourts.com

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While Prop 8 ‘ers thought we would go away, all that they effectively accomplished was to stop marriages from taking place in the Cities and Counties of California. The impact of this new legislation is to establish equal treatment for same-sex spouses, regardless of where they were legally married or will be in the future. Which means that the end result of Prop 8’s impact is on the economy.  California stood to make millions of dollars and the losers are the businesses.  So whomever of you voted for prop 8, and thought you had taken away our rights, you are dead wrong.   I hope you realize that in essence you lost because we have many places to go and get married. 

 Because now by virtue of this new law which took effect today,  even though we cannot tie the knot in California, if we are married in another State or Country, we will be treated as if we are married once back home in California.

There is nothing stopping us from marrying elsewhere and then coming home where we will now have the much needed protections and will be treated like any other married couple.   Ultimately, however,  we must restor marriage because we deserve and ought to have our equality in headlights, not masked by the rescue of legislation that still sts us a part. Thanks to Mark Leno for his leadership on this Act.

Bill Number: SB 54
This bill would clarify California family law to explicitly recognize marriages of same-sex couples performed out-of-state prior to November 5, 2008. The bill would also explicitly recognize marriages of same-sex couples performed out-of-state after that date as carrying all the same rights and responsibilities that spouses receive although without the designation of marriage.

Posted by Melanie Nathan.
nathan@privatecourts.com

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Debbie Thurman

 Posted by Melanie Nathan, 11.05 p.pm PST  1/1/10

  Lisa Miller, ‘ex-lesbian,’ has fled from her legal obligation to hand her daughter over to the custodial parent Janet Jenkins. She has disappeared with the child and all the while egged on by a very righteous bunch of  Christians who deem their interpretation of the Bible superior to civil law of the United States of America.  See my colleague,  Bridgette P. LaVictoire, Ex-Lesbian” Lisa Miller Fails To Hand Over Custody of Isabella To Janet Jenkins Written on 1 Jan, 2010 at 16:05 

Ex-gay proponent,  disguised as mental health expert, Debbie Thurman, creator of a support group, today cheered the disappearance of Miller sometime earlier this Thurman’s blog called this apparent kidnapping an example of “true motherhood”:

Thurman’s BLOG clearly sought to aid and abet the criminal act of Lisa Miller, spurring her along with prayer () and G-d knows what else,  and now guess what like Miller Thurman’s BLOG has done its own disappearing Act, clear evidence of her assistance and encouragement of the sacrificial lamb Miller,  to commit a crime.

I kept a copy of her website BLOG because I knew that when today came if Miller would fail to hand over the child as ordered by a Vermont Judge, Cohen, , Thurman would be compelled to take her BLOG, evidence of her crime, down.  SO if the FEDS want me as a witness I am ready willing and able. There are hundreds of LGBT bloggers out there who have been reporting on this for some time. I am sure they too would be willing to provide any evidence that the Blogosphere may have produced.

It is about time that religions interference and stepping on civil law is exposed for what it is.  The LGBT community is ready to be active when the civil law discriminates and now we are ready to be good citizens to urge the upholding of the civil law when it is broken; and to add insult to injury broken in the name of Jesus.  

The Christian right has no authority to circumvent the  law of this country.  This is the perfect example of the danger in failing to honor the boundary between Church and State. This failure to separate the two and invoke the Bible in place of the law of the land would serve to give us license to stone adulterers, and you all know the rest of what the bible has to say.

This is what Debbie  Thurman’s now missing Post says about now missing Miller :

“Were I in Lisa’s shoes, I could only hope to have the faith and courage she has displayed for the past six years. …

Lisa obeyed God in seeking to raise Isabella in the Christian faith. Isabella learned Scripture, apologetics and the art of prayer at her mother’s knee and in church, to the extent that she found her Christian school Bible classes boring and “childish.” This is an intelligent, precocious 7-year-old, who knows her mind and can speak it. She would have given Janet Jenkins nightmares had she consented to live under the same roof.

I cannot answer the burning question on everyone’s lips: Where are Lisa and Isabella? Somewhere safe, I pray. How and when did they get there? Only God knows. ..

What happens now? A lot of frustration, recrimination and more lies on one side and a collective sigh of relief on the other. The courts still have a huge task set before them, meanwhile. Lisa and Isabella represent only one of many similar cases waiting to be resolved. We need precedents that honor the prevailing states’ rights, laws and constitutions. The majority of Americans overwhelmingly support traditional marriage. If the tyrannical minority wants to push against that, it can and will be met with civil disobedience. There is no other way.

Lisa Miller is a mother who would give up her life to save her child. Of that there is no doubt. She apparently has chosen to forfeit a large measure of her liberty, personal property and pursuit of happiness in assuring that child her God-ordained future, much as a group of patriots pledged their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor more than two centuries ago to establish this nation.

I say God bless and long live Lisa and Isabella Miller. All who have known them are the better for it.

Thurman’s statement seems to confirm allegations that Miller is being used by Thurman and Christian Rightists at the Liberty Counsel as a test case for their Manhattan Declaration, which is a vow to violate any law that fundamentalists happen to disagree with.

MMM, what do you all think?  So go to her BLOG site http://theformers.wordpress.com/2009/12/30/this-is-true-motherhood/

and you will see nada gone bye bye!

And  then there is this guy who ought to be subpoenaed too.

“ I pray,” says  Drew Taggart  “people ‘along the way’ are brave enough and smart enough to render the necessary assistance to Lisa and Isabella so this girl can be raised in a healthy environment. I just hope Lisa did her homework and did this disappearing act properly.”

In a subsequent defense of this statement, Taggart says:

I doubt she’ll ever see a day of jail. Once word of this gets out, millions of people are going to be outraged. And there are plenty of local and a few state law enforcement agencies around the country, who will not waste a minute trying to find her. William Cohen is a leftwing hack and this ruling is a joke. Without the support of law enforcement, especially wherever Lisa opts to call her new home, this ruling is going nowhere.

So back to my having copied the  now barren BLOG as a keepsake, I find the comments  here revealed to show  this Mr. Taggert that sentiment is not always anti-gay but that we have a way of being on the side of what is fair and correct  and average Americans have no problem seeing the danger in what you preach.

Comments from Thurmans now missing BLOG:-

” Surely there are similar precedents to draw upon involving hetro couples. Namely, situations where the mother’s male partner/husband is not the biological father, and has not adopted the child, but at some point had a supportive relationship to the child as a stepfather.

Comment by Priya Lynn — December 30, 2009 @ 2:32 pm“

I can think of anecdotal cases involving people I’ve known (in which case the former stepfather has no rights), but I’m not a legal scholar so I’d appreciate any info on the matter. Anyone?

Comment by Brad — December 30, 2009 @ 12:02 pm

If a warrant is issued for her arrest, anyone providing her with assistance would be aiding a fugitive. Somehow I doubt Debbie Thurman wants to do state or federal time. Since the State of Virginia is now supporting the Vermont Court as they are required, I would guess that Miller would flee south (perhaps even to Mexico). If anyone helps Miller flee Virginia, they are looking at federal penalties. Judges hold a dim view of those who flout court rulings. I wouldn’t expect much leniency in sentencing.

Comment by John — December 30, 2009 @ 1:12 pm

Unbelievably someone on the page made sense in pointing out that Miller hasn’t put herself in a good position and being on the run actually hurts Isabella.

Comment by a. mcewen — December 30, 2009 @ 1:15 pm

So much for Thurman’s lame excuse that she didn’t give Miller any legal advice. Always knew you were a BS’er Debbie, thanks for coming out of the closet and admitting it.

Comment by Priya Lynn — December 30, 2009 @ 1:29 pm

If Miller does not comply with the law and wants to play martyr – I say fine. She can send a few years handcuffed and locked in the can to think about the sin of kidnapping.

What Miller is doing is not holy. She is a poor role model who is mentally abusing her child. There will likely be massive shrink bills in the future for Isabella, thanks to Miller.

Her lawlessness is not to be compared to our nation’s founders. It is criminal behavior, profoundly irresponsible and deeply immoral. It disgusts me that these frauds are cynically co-opting American symbols in their politically based criminality.

It is a shame that Miller allowed herself to be used as a pawn in the Culture War Syndicate. I doubt her friends will visit her much in the hoosegow once she is no longer useful to their political games.

Comment by Wayne Besen — December 30, 2009 @ 1:52 pm

“So much for Thurman’s lame excuse that she didn’t give Miller any legal advice. Always knew you were a BS’er Debbie, thanks for coming out of the closet and admitting it.”

   And you are deducing this how, exactly?

Comment by Debbie Thurman — December 30, 2009 @ 2:24 pm

You really are a piece of work Debbie. You just admitted the truth in your own blog, praising miller for the kidnapping, calling it “true motherhood”. Now of course in your Christian world where black is white and bad is good, you’ll have some pathetic excuse for how your actions are really the opposite of what you’ve done, but we’re not stupid and we’re not buying any of your BS. “ 

Comment by Priya Lynn — December 30, 2009 @ 2:32 pm

THURMANS WEBSITE  is located at http://debbiethurman.com/dt_files/aboutdebbie.php 

Last but not least important, I am urging the FEDS to investigate the Liberty Council, Debbie Thurman, Taggart, et al to see just how Ms Miller has financed her escape… Check the Banks and there is likely to be a trail and who knows that trail might lead to Isabella.

At the same time I urge Ms Miller to turn the child in, the damage is done and your only chance of leniency is that once you have done so you may be reprieved.  I urge also the Christian Ministries involved or not involved to encourage Ms. Miller to subvert the Manhatten Declaration and to obey the Civil Law especially those of you who may be implicated in this.  If you do turn yourself in pronto,  you may find a willing Judge let go of having you do time.  That would be a lot better for Isabella.    A good mediator may then help you with some supervised visitation, once Janet decides she is comfortable with such.  Or do you prefer Jail visits for Isabella?

Blogged by Melanie Nathan: nathan@privatecourts.com
www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com

 From the Mediation desk of Melanie Nathan:

 Since the recession and housing bust, there has been an increasing amount of homes either about to be foreclosed or upside down. Often both or one party may still be feeding community or post separation income into  an unviable  property.    These situations may be remedied by short sales, loan modification, divorce settlements providing inter spousal transfers and indemnifications for debt assumed, or simply by walking away.

This difficult situation adds to the stress of divorce, especially if the parties are not in tandem as to the fate of the property.   Some may want to hold on to the property in the hope of a future upside,  and whomever remains on must be prepared to take responsibility for their share of the holding costs, such as mortgage payments, property tax, maintenance costs and insurance.  If one party decides to hold on, there is no likelihood of the other receiving any cash settlement  for an upside down property, regardless of what went into the property or the dream of a future upside.   

 I have had cases where one spouse holds the property, like the sword of Damocles, over the head of the other, asserting they will be stuck with poor credit, unable to find rental accommodation, in legal trouble, creating fear resulting in the threatened party holding on for longer than necessary.   

 This is where a neutral mediator and/or advice of a consulting attorney is imperative.  The neutral can help the party step out of the dream into reality.  The neutral provides a safe and peaceful environment for joint exploration of the remedies and can facilitate a productive discussion, helping the parties crunch numbers,  call in other  professionals such as CPA or Mortgage expert to assist with the analysis.  

Fear, misunderstanding  and false senses of security ought not stand in the way of moving forward. It is important to pursue the evolving legal remedies.   These cases need to be mediated rather than litigated. Positioning and pos toward resolving all the issues. Using separate attorneys can be counter- productive and may result in wasted precious time, while throwing good after bad. A party can always have a separate consulting attorney on the side.  

 With all this in mind I was delighted to come across an article by Kenneth R. Harney, November 29, 2009, in the LA times: “Professor advises underwater homeowners to walk away from mortgages; Brent T. White, a University of Arizona law school professor, says that it’s in the homeowners’ best financial interest to stiff their lenders and that it’s not immoral to do so.” … read on…   ( A MUST READ!)

“Go ahead. Break the chains. Stop paying on your mortgage if you owe more than the house is worth. And most important: Don’t feel guilty about it. Don’t think you’re doing something morally wrong.

That’s the incendiary core message of a new academic paper by Brent T. White, a University of Arizona law school professor, titled “Underwater and Not Walking Away: Shame, Fear and the Social Management of the Housing Crisis.”

White contends that far more of the estimated 15 million U.S. homeowners who are underwater on their mortgages should stiff their lenders and take a hike.”  

 This Article, a breathe of fair air, served to endorse my sentiment which I have not hesitated to express in mediation. These are unusual times.  Although the facts of each case may seem similar, they all have a distinctive circumstance and the facts must be explored in detail before a strategy is employed. The one piece of generic advice that I can impart is that one spouse should not be held hostage by the other to a hope or dream about the  future of the property, or to any obligation.  Divorce provides a unique opportunity to walk away from the property and leave it in the hands of the Party who does not want to give it up.  The mediator can help draft documents to reflect such an undertaking by one, documenting the discussion that led to the decision.      The change in spousal relationship can have an impact on negotiations with mortgage lenders and indemnities can be established between spouses for an element of protection if the lender pursues the non-owner spouse in the future.  Also of course a plan can be made for both to walk away. 

 Save your money,  and muster up six months of rent instead of paying it into the property. If you have bad credit and need to rent a property you can offer a few months of advance rental.  However BUYER BEWARE – when you pay rental ahead- be sure that the home you are renting is not about to be foreclosed upon as you may find yourself the victim of the Landlord’s inability to pay his/her mortgage.  

 I believe that walking away from an expensive dream opens the door for an inexpensive reality and good nights of sleep. 

MELANIE NATHAN 
nathan@privatecourts.com
www.privatecourts.com
www.divorcemediators.us

Does marriage equality and more specifically same-sex marriage hurt traditional marriage? This most confounding question has yet to be answered by anyone, especially those who expound the rhetoric while seeking to ban same-sex marriage.  The derogatory impact of same-sex marriage on straight marriage has yet to be quantified.  I wonder how one would be able to figure it out.

Could it be that for every 4 gay marriages one straight person will not marry his fiancé; could it be that for every 4 gay marriages one straight couple will divorce?  Could it mean that allowing gay marriages will result in less straight people marrying and thereby reduce the numbers of married people?  I am trying so hard to come up with a formula, can someone please help me?   

Proposition 8 succeeded in California, and effectively removed a fundamental constitutional right, as endorsed by the Courts by way of popular vote – the right for any couple in California to marry regardless of gender was stripped.  Prop 8 was initiated in direct response and its mantra was  to “protect the institution of marriage” by keeping lesbians and gays out.  

After the barrage of voracious advertisements led 51% of voting Californians to believe that gay marriage would by its mere legality threaten straight marriages. Churches poured their money into the advertising coffers, tacitly claiming the interests of their God.   Silly them there is a better way to save the institution of marriage and just think it can be done without stripping other Americans of their inherent rights, as well as the advantage of quantification.  The obvious, unambiguous and only one absolute vehicle to sustain the precept of marriage is clearly the “The outlawing of Divorce.”  We must bring a new proposition to the voters in this earnest quest and that would be  ahh maybe -Proposition 9 – “Repeal of the Legislative Right to Divorce Act.”

Notably, divorce, unlike same sex marriage, can be easily quantified.  I believe in California the divorce rate is approximately 1 in 3. There you go – for every 60,000 marriages ending in Divorce, we can save 60,000 saved – see how easy that was. Not like our difficulty when we attempted to quantify the impact of same-sex marriage on ‘ traditional marriage.’ – that means we would have 60,000 out of every 180,000 marriages saved… How powerful is that!

This is a call to all those who truly believe in the sanctity of marriage. Support the rescue of marriage by ending divorce for good. Here is a safer and better plan – how about making that retroactive.  Anyone who has been divorced consider your good-selves remarried.

Indeed the next obvious step is legislation that prohibits one’s right to divorce.  Divorce is not an inherent right; it is one that is granted by specific statute. For example in California there would be no divorce if the Family Law Code did not deal create it. It gets worse – Divorce involves one spouse suing the other for divorce.  In California the first paper served by a plaintiff spouse on a defendant spouse reads “SUMMONS- You Are Being Sued.”  How bizarre – to separate church and State in this fashion.  It is an abomination to the sacred right of marriage to think that after spouses have said “till death do us part” that one may sue the other for divorce and that our law allows that to happen.

If Maine supports the ban of same-sex marriage tonight, I profess this to be the nest obvious step there too. 

Is this ban on Divorce a joke?  Not according to a Sacramento man, John Marcotte who is collecting signatures to place a new piece of legislation on the 2010 ballot for the people of California to decide on. He wants to make it illegal to divorce in California. Read his petition here.

Why? He contends that this is a natural extension of what religious conservatives did when they voted “Yes” on a ballot measure to ban gay marriage so that they could “protect traditional marriage”.

From John Marcotte’s Rescue Marriage website, here’s the statement announcing the new ballot measure:

“I loved Proposition 8, but felt it did not go far enough. So fresh from the office of our legal counsel, I present the 2010 California Protection of Marriage Act.

No party to any marriage shall be restored to the state of an unmarried person during the lifetime of the other party unless the marriage is void or voidable, as set forth in Part 2 of Division 6 of the Family Code.”

Marcotte has just launched his first couple of PSAs on the 2010 California Marriage Protection Act. Here they are:

Few Choice Quotes From the PSAs:

“My kids are being taught in school that divorce is all right.”

“You said ‘Till death do us part’. You’re not dead yet.”

“Hell is eternal, just like your marriage is supposed to be.”

“If we allow anyone to get divorced, before you know it, people will be divorcing their dogs.”

Lock Step-lock-jaw-Republicans-and conservatives- and those on the right – do not fail – put your money where your mouth is and support the BAN on DIVORCE.

Blogged by MELANIE NATHAN, CEO of Private Courts, Inc. Consulting, mediation & private advocacy ; motivated by injustice, I blog about family law/mediation, politics, news andLGBT equality and anything that ‘tickles my fancy.’ Otherwise blogging as O-blog-dee-o-blog-da. Websites and blogs include: http://www.privatecourts.com; http://www.divorcemediators.us; www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com. nathan@privatecourts.com

by bobster1985

I was very sad to learn that one of the couples involved in the landmark case in the state of Massachusetts which legalized same sex marriage in that state recently filed for divorce following a lengthy 2 year separation. (article) This is not the first same sex couple in a landmark marriage case to divorce. A lesbian couple who married in 2003 a week after a landmark decision legalized same-sex marriage in Ontario, Canada had been together for nearly 10 years; but they separated after just five days of marriage. (article) A lesbian couple who married in California in 2008, after a landmark decision struck down the state’s ban on same-sex marriage, filed for divorce only three days later, citing “irreconcilable differences”.

“In a way, gays and lesbians had a common enemy in the form of the state and society. People who have common enemies tend to stick together.” But once they are able to “marry,” he said, “It’s no longer you and me against the world – it’s you and me against each other.”

Boston divorce attorney Gerald Nissenbaum told the Boston Herald that the lesbian couple from Massachusetts may have lost their spark after they won their battle in the courts.

“Whenever there’s a cause that keeps people together, once the cause is over, in my experience, there’s a high rate of dissolution of the relationship,” he said. “It’s sad, but it’s real.”

He added,

“And what a surprise: Gay people are like everyone else.”

On a personal note, I am one of the 18,000 couples that were married in California before Proposition 8 eliminated marriage rights for same sex couples, and I know that our relationship has been under stress throughout our journey. We see how landmark lesbian couples are thrown into the spotlight, and when we got married there were TV crews present throughout. The lesbian couple who was the first in line to get married when we did here in Los Angeles was on the front page of every newspaper in the area in every language. Having your relationship scrutinized is hard and that’s exactly what happens to these couples. I know that if my wife and I didn’t have good communication, we might not have made it through these crazy times. I can’t even imagine the legal battles and press conferences and media scrutiny that landmark lesbian couples have had to endure. Now that we are facing having our marriage nullified via Proposition 8, we are making sure to take time to nurture our relationship and stay connected through it all. I feel a certain kinship with any same sex couple who has been through a marriage, and I am always rooting for them to stay together. When I found out that the landmark lesbian couple from Massachusetts was parting ways it made me sad. Having been through a divorce once myself, I sincerely wish them the best. Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her page on MySpace.

• California Gay Marriage Showdown Set For March 5th (queerty.com)
• Gay couple launches lawsuit after Prop. 8 passes (ctv.ca)

The Judge said her ruling does not mean that the state has to recognize same-sex marriages for other purposes, but it does overrule part of a state attorney general’s order that declared New Jersey wouldn’t fully recognize gay marriages performed elsewhere.

The state attorney general’s office had opposed the request, the first of its kind in the state, and was seeking to have the couple’s marriage dissolved as if it were a civil union. Officials have not said whether the state will seek an appeal.

The case involved a lesbian couple, La Kia and Kinyati Hammond, who were married in Victoria, British Columbia, in March 2004 and lived together in North East, Md. In 2005, La Kia, was found to have a terminal form of muscular dystrophy. She said doctors gave her two years to live. Then about three years ago, she left Kinyati and moved with her daughter from a previous relationship to Trenton, New Jersey and now says she is in love again and wants to marry before she dies. But without a divorce that is recognized in Canada, her lawyer state, she cannot get married again there.

Now I am a big girl and I know that part of the reality modern marriage is divorce… between 40% and 60% of new straight marriages will eventually end in divorce. The probability within… the first five years is 20%, and the probability of its ending within the first 10 years is 33%…

I myself am the child of parents who divorced .

I know as more places recognize gay marriage, the question of how to handle gay divorces is going to become increasingly more common…

The Courts in New York, Oklahoma, Rhode Island and Texas, have all had to grapple with this issue for a some years now and in most cases, judges have ruled those states would not grant the divorces because their states do not recognize same-sex marriage in the first place. I know cases like these are closely followed by all of us, both for and against gay marriage, partly because allowing gay couples to divorce might just open the door to recognizing gay marriage….

And I am already seeing people pointing to this New Jersey divorce case and saying, “see this is why those gays should be not allowed not get married… they are just too irresponsible and will just do stuff like this woman did , they just don’t value the intuition of marriage”

I was with my partner Debbie for over 10 years…. And we lived in North Carolina, a state that does not recognize same-sex marriage or the legal status of same-sex marriages performed in other states or countries.

While we often talked of getting married one day, and had planned to go to California after the elections to finally get our piece of paper, Prop 8 and life change those plans for us… Because on November 4th Prop 8 ended same-sex marriages in California and then on December 8th my soul mate passed away from complication due to breast cancer so we never got to stand up in front of others and legally proclaim our devotion to each other.

Nevertheless, anyone who knew us, knew that in our hearts and in our deeds, we were as just married as any straight couple could be, and while we did not have the 1,000 plus legal rights conferred to other married couples in the U.S. that fact did not stop us from struggling all of the struggles, experiencing all of the joys that any committed couple does for over 10 years.

The love and responsibilities we shared were exactly the same as that of any non-gay family and friends. We brought children into this world, we loved and raised them… together. We worked hard to give those children and ourselves a good life and to be productive citizens of our community. We also struggled to deal with disappointments, bigotry, and hard financial times, many times cause by the fact we were a same-sex couple.We successfully struggled together to overcome alcoholism and addictions that threaten to tear our family apart, because it was important that we stay a family.

We were finally overcome only when a terminal illness could do what nothing else had… but even in Debbie’s passing, we were together… as a family.

While we were not married on paper, we most assuredly were in our hearts. For us it was love, honor and cherish… for richer or poorer… in sickness and in health… in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow… forsaking all others we promised to love each other unconditionally, and to support the others goals for the common good of our family….. because we were a family that no person , church, law or problem could or would ever pull asunder.

So today I feel that when there is news like this story out of New Jersey… that it is our story and stories like ours that should be ones told even more; for ours was the real reason gay marriage should be allowed in every state in this land.

Debbie and I made it work, because we worked to make it work… we did not quit, we did not run, we stood in the face of all adversities thrown at us and said this world will not take us down…

Is that not what all successful marriages have to do?