London:- Conservative Crispin Blunt, who is prisons minister in the coalition government has disclosed that he is gay and that he has separated from his wife.

Blunt said he had “decided to come to terms with his homosexuality”. In a statement, he said the move was “difficult” for his family and hoped for their “understanding and support”.

He married Victoria Jenkins in September 1990 in Kensington and they have a son (born August 1994) and daughter (born March 1992). His niece is Golden Globe-award winning actress Emily Blunt^[.  Blunt’s voting record in Parliament had previously been broadly unsympathetic towards gay rights.

He has been MP for Reigate since 1997, before which he served in the Armed Forces for many years.  The 50-year old – a junior minister in the Department of Justice – has two children.

He announced his separation from his wife Victoria in a statement on the Conservative Home website, saying he had “explained the position” to his family. “There is no third party involvement but this is difficult for his immediate and wider family and he hopes for understanding and support for them,” the statement said.

As prisons minister, Mr Blunt is responsible for penal policy and finding savings in the prisons budget as part of this autumn’s departmental spending review.

He hit the headlines last month when he called for rules banning comedy gigs, parties and other recreational events being held in prisons to be relaxed – which No 10 immediately ruled out.

Apparently a local commented – everyone in the local party likes him and it’s a courageous thing to do. It’s really a private matter for him.

By Melanie Nathan
This pattern of anti-gay votes and campaigns leading right to the gay watering hole is becoming too much!

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“Lets have kids  dear!”

Posted by Melanie Nathan

Choosing Children

08.26.10

A letter from Kate Kendell:-

Twenty-five years ago, I was 25 years old and just starting law school at the University of Utah. I was parenting my daughter Emily, who was 4 years old with her mom, and my former partner, Lori. While it was uncommon for LGBT friends in our circle to be planning for parenthood, it did not occur to Lori or me that we were at the forefront of what would be termed the “gayby boom.”

Lori had been a single parent raising the then 1-year-old Emily when we met. We were just living our lives unaware of a sea-change that was just beginning when it came to issues of parenting and our community. While we were living that life, Academy Award-winning filmmaker Deborah “Chas” Chasnoff and her then life and work partner, Kim Klausner, were in the midst of writing, producing, and directing their groundbreaking film documenting this burgeoning movement. Choosing Children captured on celluloid the choice a growing number of lesbians and gay men were making, a choice that seemed both counter-intuitive and revolutionary: to become parents.

Up until this generation, most LGBT folks were parents because they had been in earlier heterosexual marriages or relationships and then divorced and come out, or vice-versa. In doing so many of them faced hostility from family and former spouses and countless numbers lost or gave up any hope for custody of their children.

Beginning in the early 1980s, a new kind of parenting began emerging. Led by lesbians, often in biological partnership with gay men, women began choosing to have children as lesbian-identified parents. Now, 25 short years later, the groundbreaking idea that lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, and transgender folks can also be parents seems, well, not so groundbreaking. In fact, it is now so commonplace that doing so is viewed by some in our community as assimilationist and pedestrian. Gotta love the march of progress.

But of course, what the fight for the right to be both LGBT and a parent is really about is the right to live a fulfilled and authentic life according to what gives joy and satisfaction to each of us. And in 1985 becoming a parent often meant rejection from both one’s family of origin and one’s chosen family in the lesbian or gay community. It also meant maintaining a pretense of heterosexuality or absolute legal vulnerability because almost every state prohibited openly lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people from adopting, and few if any states provided any parental protections. It was a time of very little community or institutional support for you as a parent or for your child as the son or daughter of a queer parent.

Emily will be 30 next year. She is smart, lovely, creative, open-hearted, and generous. I can hardly believe I have a daughter who is near 30 years old. But then I also can hardly believe the progress we have made in the short time my oldest has been alive. Seeing Choosing Children again was inspiring for many reasons but most of all, it made me really stop and appreciate how far we have come and how much we owe those who blazed this trail uncertain of the terrain ahead of them. Filmmakers Chas and Kim, the parents featured in the film, our own founder Donna Hitchens—who provided legal expertise and commentary—did not intend to be pioneers, but they were, and we are all much better off because of the choices they made.

So please join us for the upcoming Choosing Children 25th Anniversary Screening and Reception, a film that is now a crucial and transformative story of our movement. Our evening together promises to be a celebration of how far we have come and a promise to not end our quest until every family is valued and safe.

Sincerely,

Kate Kendell

Choosing Children 25th Anniversary Screening and Reception

Groundbreaking Film Exploring the First Generation of LGBT Parents Celebrates 25th Anniversary

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Film Showing and Reception Set for Sept. 14, 2010

SAN FRANCISCO-  Twenty-five years after its premier, the groundbreaking documentary “Choosing Children”—the first film to explore and chronicle the journey taken by lesbians and gay men to become parents after they came out—will return to the silver screen at the Herbst Theater on Sept. 14 to celebrate its 25^th anniversary.

The landmark film, produced by two Bay Area filmmakers, Academy Award winner Debra Chasnoff and Kim Klausner, was released in 1985, introducing viewers to the first generation of lesbians and gay men who chose to become parents after coming out, and contributed to an expanded definition of family that has since opened the doors for millions of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people to become parents. “Before the early 1980s, it was just assumed that if you came out, you gave up the chance and the right to be a parent,” says Chasnoff. “But a small number of brave lesbians and gay men began to challenge that belief. With “Choosing Children” we wanted to share their stories with the world and inspire others that they, too, could redefine family for themselves.”

Chasnoff and Klausner conducted a nationwide search for lesbian-headed families that were navigating what was then a very new legal, political, and social terrain. Ultimately, they found six families who reflected some of the racial and ethnic diversity of our vibrant communities, and who had “chosen children” in different ways. Their stories provide an intimate look at the challenges and joys faced by this early generation of lesbian and gay parents in their quests to build their families—stories that are still fascinating and relevant today.

“Without the pioneering generation that we were able to capture in “Choosing Children,” none of us would have the rights or opportunities for creating families that we have today,” Klausner says. “It is almost beyond comprehension how much the political and social landscape has changed since we made the film.”

The film poignantly captures some of the important history that has contributed to today’s LGBT family rights victories, including the recent Proposition 8 decision by Judge Vaughn Walker here in California. It is partly why so many community groups are cosponsoring this evening celebration for LGBT families, our allies, prospective parents and others.

One of the arenas where the most significant advances have been made is the legal system.

“The legal advances we have made for our families are nothing short of breathtaking,” says National Center for Lesbian Rights Executive Director Kate Kendell. “These gains are largely due to this early generation of lesbians and gay parents, who charted a previously unseen path in order to become parents and raise children, becoming role models for LGBT people everywhere.”

Many Bay Area organizations are joining together for this community-wide screening and celebration to mark the 25th anniversary of Choosing Children, celebrate all the wonderful children LGBT people are now parenting, and raise funds to permanently preserve this historical gem on DVD. The restored 35 mm film print, courtesy of the OUTFEST Legacy Project and the UCLA Film Archive, was a huge hit at last summer’s Los Angeles Lesbian and Gay Film Festival.

If you’ve never seen Choosing Children, here’s your chance to soak up a delightful piece of our cultural history. If you are planning on having children, you will be inspired by the courageous pioneers in the film who figured out how to bring kids into their lives, co-parent with a same-sex partner, and handle concerns from relatives and schools. If you saw the film “back in the day,” this will be a trip down memory lane (including a rarely heard song by Holly Near) and a special moment to marvel at how much progress we’ve made.

The 25^th Anniversary Screening and Reception includes a viewing, and remarks by Chasnoff, Klausner, and the Honorable Donna Hitchens, founder of the National Center for Lesbian Rights who is featured in the film, and dessert reception The event is presented by the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Groundspark, COLAGE, Frameline, Equality California, Our Family Coalition, and PFLAG to celebrate the advances our movement has made in family law and society, and to raise funds to permanently preserve this historical film on DVD.

TICKET and EVENT INFORMATION

“Choosing Children” 25^th Anniversary Screening and Reception

What: “Choosing Children” 25^th anniversary celebration to raise funds to permanently preserve this historical film on DVD
When: 6:30 p.m. on September 14, 2010 (Program begins at 7 p.m.)
Where: Herbst Theater, 401 Van Ness, San Francisco, CA
Cost: $25 (regular admission); $10 (student admission)

Learn more and order tickets

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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The media is buzzing about the new film “The Kids Are All Right”, which premiered earlier this month.  Its release was exciting for me because for the first time I saw characters who closely reflected my family’s makeup, though the rest of the story, not really.  I too have two mothers and a sperm donor who I contacted when I turned eighteen.  The outcome was different and far less drama surrounded my family when I was finally able to contact and meet my donor, though there were still plenty of surreal moments.  The reaction to the film has been extremely varied, from people thrilled to see representation of a lesbian-headed household, to those who see the events depicted in the film as reinforcement of the notion that children need to know and live with their biological mother and father.

Growing up in Massachusetts through the marriage equality debate in 2004 and all subsequent movements, I have long been combating false beliefs that LGBTQ people should not get married or raise children.  I have lesbian mothers and I have a sperm donor.  This in no way has made me less of a person, daughter, woman, or friend.  To me, what makes a good parent is dedication to raising and loving a child.  The number, gender, or sexuality of the parents does not determine the ability to help a child grow into a compassionate and kind person.  To tell the truth, I feel lucky to have grown up with the knowledge that my mother put a great deal of time, money, and thought into having me.  I have never doubted that I am loved because I know how much my mother wanted to have a child and did everything she could to have me.

While I understand that some people believe that the married, heterosexual, biological family is the only valid familial model, I refuse to let this stereotype go unchallenged.  I have two mothers, only one of whom is biological, and no father.  Rather than somehow leaving a negative affect, my family has helped me become a more open, loving, passionate, and socially aware individual.  Growing up I was surrounded by many wonderful adult role models, some of whom were male.  Of course I thought about my sperm donor, who he was, why he donated, what it would be like to meet him.  The reason for me was never about searching for a parent I had lost or a piece of me that was missing, it was about meeting and thanking the person who enabled Cathy and Nancy, my mothers, to become parents.

I had never met another person with a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or even queer parent until I was thirteen.  That summer my family went to Provincetown, Massachusetts for Family Week where I participated in workshops provided by COLAGE.  COLAGE is the only national youth-driven network of children, youth, and adults with LGBTQ parents.  I would not be writing this if I had never come to know COLAGE and the others with LGBTQ parents I met through COLAGE.  That summer I found my center and my political voice.  Through the years COLAGE has helped me become a better advocate for myself and my family.  This summer I am an intern at COLAGE and I am assisting in the distribution of the Donor Insemination (DI) Guide.  The DI Guide is part testimonials and part advice focusing on the questions and concerns of donor-conceived children and their families.  I have been able to watch the DI Guide go from an idea to a tool for families.

It has been almost three years since I began the process of contacting my sperm donor.  Four months after I turned eighteen I had the name and address of my donor and within the year I learned I had two half-sisters who shared the same donor.  I think the most incredible part of meeting my donor and half-siblings was putting an end to the mystery.  After years of playing around with different scenarios in my head, or coming up with the reasons that Harvey Fierstein was my donor, I lost mystique but gained very real new friends and family.  Now family gatherings include my two sisters, two of their siblings, our collective six lesbian mothers, and our donor and his wife.  Certainly we are still getting to know each other, but there is an undeniably authentic connection between all of us.

Along with identical chins, my half-sisters and I have followed very similar paths.  One sister, who is four months older than me, was a sophomore at Smith College as I began my first year at Mount Holyoke College.  The schools are both women’s liberal arts colleges and twenty minutes apart. Together we met our other donor sister in March 2009.  It turned out that this new sister is from a town ten minutes from my own, that we have mutual acquaintances, and I had heard about her a year before I met her.  At a drama festival at her high school I met a guy who had taken the girl in town with lesbian mothers to her senior prom the previous year.  In my favorite “small world” story, my sister and I took the same guy to our senior proms.  I do not look like anyone in my family, but I do look a lot like her.  The photos, both of us wearing blue dresses, are just incredible.  Thankfully, we did not both date “our” prom date.

Meeting my donor and my new extended family did not alter my relationship with my parents.  They were completely supportive of my desire to contact my donor and they were with me when I met him.  I did not begin this adventure to seek a father and, though my donor is a wonderful person and a part of my life now, he is not my father.  I have two parents and that is enough for me, but I am thrilled to have him as part of my growing family.  For some people, family is a rigid concept.  For me, family is not limited by genetics or living in the same home.  My family is filled with moms, grandparents, half-siblings, friends, cousins, and a sperm donor.  It may seem unfamiliar to some, but this is my family and together we are more than all right.

-Emily McGranachan

Emily McGranachan ’12  – Love Makes a Family

Hometown: Georgetown, Massachusetts

Emily McGranachan found her voice at the age of 13 while attending the COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere) Family Week in Provincetown, Massachusetts. Its “life-changing lessons” gave her “a sense of empowerment.”

As a resident of Massachusetts, McGranachan often heard people debate what rights her family should have. Now a guest speaker with the Freedom to Marry Tour, she has shared her story and “introduced people to a child of a same-sex household” on several radio stations nationwide.

McGranachan has also worked to encourage tolerance and activism on a local level, serving as president of her high school Civil Rights Team and as a volunteer at a family homeless shelter through Horizons for Homeless Children. “These children inspire me,” she said. “In return I do my best to teach them kindness and compassion by being a positive role model.”

COLAGE is an organization, created in 1989 by the children of several lesbians and gay men who felt a need for support. Though its membership is not necessarily LGBT-identified, COLAGE’s focus on the issues of LGBT parents’ families makes it a de facto part of the LGBT community. There are 52 COLAGE chapters in the United States of America, 2 chapters in Canada, and one European chapter.  COLAGE is run and operated by children (of all ages) who have a lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or transgender (LGBT) parent or parents. Older Colagers mentor younger members. They prepare them for any challenges that a child may have, having same sex parents. Members are open with each other and any topic can and is discussed. COLAGE teams each summer with Family Pride and holds its annual Family Week in Provincetown on Cape Cod. There, hundreds of gay families come to enjoy the summer and the kids attend COLAGE meetings and workshops.

COLAGE is based out of San Francisco, California and has small number of paid staff. Its executive director is Beth Teper who has a lesbian mom and today is an advocate for children who have same sex parents.

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Hi,

I recently ran into a woman I’ve had an eye on for years…. attractive, talented, all of that.  She was very sweet and friendly with me… and finally single!  But — she said she needed a “break” from the dating scene for a while.  Not really in the market now.  (I had never to my knowledge directly told or even hinted to her that I was queer before, but she seemed to casually know anyway.)  She said she could help introduce me to other girls maybe… but she’s who I really want!  Moreover, my mom has a particularly high regard for her as well, so she’s the only person I know of that my family would support initially rather than questioning like, “What is she DOING dating a woman??”.  How do I resolve this?

Thank you,

WS

Hi WS,

I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but the girl you want? She’s just not into you. She’s being a good person (which is probably why you are so taken with her) and letting you down gently. Which doesn’t mean she doesn’t think you are great; she wouldn’t want to introduce you to her friends if she thought you were a dating dud.

 I think that you SHOULD take her up on her offer to introduce you to other women, but do it in a way where you give her first dibs. Call her up, say “I’ve been thinking about your offer to introduce me to other girls, and I want to take you up on it. You’re the one I want, but if I can’t have you, I need to find someone else!” Which is completely true! Chances are if she really isn’t interested, she will laugh this off as a joke and your pride will still be intact. If she is interested, she will put the kibosh on introducing you around. Either way, you win. This woman probably knows other women who are as pretty, smart, talented, etc. as she is.

As for the family part, you might want to consider coming out to your family and getting them used to the idea that you will be dating women before you actually bring one home. You don’t want your poor girlfriend to have to deal with meeting the parents both as a new partner and as the woman who is “turning their daughter gay.”

Good luck, WS and keep in touch!

Dear Femme, 

My girlfriend of a little over a year recently broke up with me. She says that she needs time for herself but she does not want to rule out us dating again but right now is not the time for her. Before the breakup we were very happy and had a very healthy relationship. The cause of the break-up is a little complicated. I graduated in May and have been trying to find a job and it was beginning to really take a toll on me, therefore hurting the relationship. Since then, I have found a job and I feel much more confident in myself and generally just a much happier person. All my friends tell me to forget about her, move on but I can’t help feeling as though we had something so special and that I can’t help but want to work on it rather than just giving up on her all together. I haven’t tried to contact her since the break-up but she still does text me once and awhile. What do I do? Just forget about her and move on or try to win her back? 

Confused 

Hi Confused,

I’m sorry to hear about your break-up. I have to agree with your friends, you should probably move on. BUT I believe in communication and I think you should let your ex know how you feel. Write her an email, saying exactly what you told me above about your job situation and how you are happier now and miss the special connection you had.

Don’t call her instead of sending an email. Email is better than phone for this, because you can express your feelings in an organized way, without interruption.

If she responds again saying she’s not ready for a relationship, cut all communication with her until you are completely over her. Get out there, start dating again, meet girls your friends introduce you too who ARE ready for a relationship, because it sounds like you want a relationship. You’re happy, spread your positive energy! Other women will pick up on your positivity and be drawn to it.  

Good luck Confused, and let me know how it goes!

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

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Melanie Nathan; 8-12-10;

Military members with CAC cards: Continue to share your views on how best to implement the repeal of DADT. Provide specific policy change recommendations. Over 53,000 comments have been provided to DoD so far. The opportunity to participate ends on 15 August.

This is an example of one of the many privately received comments and requests to LGR received since paralleling Rachel Maddow’s DADT Blitz on her show last night.

We were asked by a closeted members of the armed Services to request more comments by service members on the DoD Survey;

DoD Site suggests that ” Noting the importance of getting the opinions of those who would be most affected by a possible repeal of the so-called “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law that bans gays and lesbians from serving openly in the military, Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates today urged servicemembers to provide their input.”

at http://www.defense.gov/home/features/2010/0610_gatesdadt/

“Servicemember participation in the 2010 DoD Comprehensive Review Survey of the Uniformed Active Component and Reserve Component Servicemembers is Vitally Important.

The Department of Defense would like to remind and encourage servicemembers to participate in the 2010 DoD Comprehensive Review Survey of the Uniformed Active Component and Reserve Component Servicemembers if they receive it via e-mail or a letter in the mail by Aug. 15. Servicemember’s participation in the survey are vitally important to ensure DoD is able to assess the impact, if any, a change in the law “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” might have on military readiness, military effectiveness, unit cohesion, and recruiting and retention.

If you received the survey and have questions or if you experience technical problems please call 1-888-491-2083 or e-mail Support@MilitarySurveys.org “

I assume that because this is coming from un-outed  and active service members, the feedback must be positive to the repeal of DADT to this point.

“The question before us is not whether the military prepares to make this change, but how we best prepare for it.… An important part of this process is to engage our men and women in uniform and their families over this period since, after all, they will ultimately determine whether or not we make this transition successfully.”  Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates
Washington, D.C. – Feb. 2, 2010

Examples of the Impact of DADT is in many of the untold stories such as the one where a service member lost custody of her children when her ex-husband threatened to OUT her to the Military over a lesbian affair.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: We have many such stories in the wake of this publicity and hope that President Obama will bring an end to this travesty being perpetrated on those so willing to serve their country.

AT lezgetreal we covered the following:

Lt. Col. Victor Fehrenbach

http://lezgetreal.com/2010/08/highly-decorated-combat-air-force-aviator-files-injunction-in-federal-court-to-block-%E2%80%9Cdadtl%E2%80%9D-discharge/

Captain Jonathan Hopkins – http://lezgetreal.com/2010/08/captain-jonathan-hopkins-west-point-grad-hero-fired-by-dadt/

Katherine Miller Miller NYCLU

http://lezgetreal.com/2010/08/new-face-on-dadt-breaking-video-katie-miller-in-her-own-words/

Katherine Miller on Maddow

http://lezgetreal.com/2010/08/rachel-maddows-powerful-interview-with-cadet-katie-miller/

Maddow Questioning Obama and DADT Firings

http://lezgetreal.com/2010/08/maddow-on-dadt-why-is-commander-in-chief-obama-allowing-discharges-now/

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
www.privatecourts.com

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Melanie Nathan 08-11-10

I’m Getting Married in the morning..ding dong the bells are gonna chime…tra lalala

Ourscene tv wants to provide you with the answer to ‘are they or aren’t they’? They being the most talked about almost lesbian couple, Lori Michaels and Danielle Staub. For those of you who aren’t aware of who these two women are, you obviously don’t read Lez Get Real enough.

Lori Michaels, aka the Dyke Diva is a dance music queen. Danielle Staub is the most hated woman on the Real Housewives of New Jersey and had a table flipped on her. The two women recorded a song together, Real Close. Which Staub has described as a tortured lullaby between two women who are experiencing feelings for one another. Staub and Michaels have hinted that they are dating. They have been seen out at charity events together, with Staub’s two gorgeous children in tow. Michaels and the Staub girls also write on each other’s Facebook pages on the regular. Staub signs CD’s “Danielle and Lori Michaels” and has tweeted the Michaels is her “girlfriend.” When VP of Programming and late night talk show host, Andy Cohen, asked Staub if the two women were dating, she declined to comment saying coyly, “I think I will let you all guess on that one for a little while longer.”

Oh Danielle, no one believes you are really sleeping with another woman. The song is surprisingly good and lesbians will like it and you whether or not you are intimate with the details of Lori Michaels’ vadge. Ourscene tv decided to get the answers from Lori Michaels. Basically, she confirms that they are not dating…but she doesn’t want to piss off Danielle! So she takes it back! But she doesn’t take it back all the way! Watch below:

Staub is the third housewife, after Kim Zolciak of Atlanta and Countess Luann Delesseps of NYC to try to crossover into the music industry. Staub is the second, after Zolciak, to have a lesbian affair in order to promote her single.

If you want more on Lori Michaels, check out the June issue of Gay e-magazine for my interview with her at www.GAY-e-magazine.com

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07/26/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

The Melissa Etheridge/Tammy Lynn Michaels split gets uglier everyday. ET Online is reporting that court documents filed by Etheridge claim that Tammy “used the kids as pawns.” Michaels and Etheridge have three year old twins, Miller and Johnnie. When Melissa flew to Boston to visit their children, she was served with papers instead. ET also has Tammy’s monthly budget.

In the papers, Michaels estimates Etheridge earns between $600,000 and $750,000 a month and can easily afford to support her and the twins. She is also asking for $4,300 a month for childcare, so that she can work or get job training.

Michaels, a full-time homemaker with no income, spends $1,500 on groceries and household supplies, $50 on laundry and cleaning, $800 on dining out with her children and $6,000 a month for rent. Her monthly clothing budget before the split was reportedly $5,000.

These women baffle me. Is Tammy asking for a lot of money? Yes. She has not only filed for child support, but also spousal support. Can Melissa afford it? Yes. Is Tammy filing for sole custody in order to get more money disgusting? Yes. Children shouldn’t be kept from a parent, especially for monetary reasons. Should Melissa just give the lady the money so she can see her children? Probably. Is this a big mess? Fo’ realz.

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Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I dish out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career, family and fashion issues. This week, one of our readers is having trouble deciding whether or not to let her girlfriend date a man at the same time.  

Dear Femme,

I am dating a woman but she wants children too. She wants to start a relationship with a man and I was upset about that. If she starts this relationship, I’m afraid she would leave me for him. But I noticed she really enjoys the things I do for her in and outside the bedroom. I’m not sure what I should do. Do I tell her no or go along with it?   

-Lilah-

Thanks for writing in, Lilah. The best thing for you to do in this situation is sit down and have an honest discussion with your girlfriend. I’m sure you both know it is possible to have a child with another woman, all it takes is a sperm bank! So her reasoning for wanting to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend is really just a week excuse. It could be that she wants to have her cake and eat it too and have you and the man she is attracted to dating her at the same time. Or she could be testing you. She might want you to step up and tell her that she is important to you and you want to be monogamous with her.

So talk to her, tell her that she can either be with you or she can have a boyfriend, but she can’t have both because that’s not what YOU want. Stand up for yourself, you need to make sure that you are in a relationship that works for you. Life is too short to spend it with someone who is going to make you unhappy or take advantage of you for what you can do in the bedroom and outside of it. If she refuses to give up her dream of have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time, dump her and find someone who only wants you. Good luck Lilah and let us know how it goes.

P.s. Lila is also the name of the main character in my novel, Chasing Tail! You can read it in GAY e-magazine, the online publication by the world’s funniest lesbians!

Have a question? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com

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You can find out where your nearest gathering location is and more information on how you can participate by visiting www.equalrightsfoundation.org.

About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

(Washington, DC) – Rep. Luis V. Gutierrez (D-IL-4), Chairman of Immigration Task Force of the Congressional Hispanic Caucus, held a press conference today with dozens of other Members of Congress to recognize the milestone of 100 co-sponsors for the Comprehensive Immigration Reform for America’s Security and Prosperity Act (CIR-ASAP/H.R. 4321). The bill is sponsored by Rep. Solomon Ortiz (D-TX) and co-sponsored primarily by members of the Congressional Black Caucus, Congressional Asian Pacific American Caucus, Progressive Caucus, and Congressional Hispanic Caucus. More information on the bill is available here.

Some of the Members of Congress who attended the press conference: Joe Baca (CA), Judy Chu (CA), Yvette Clarke (NY), Joseph Crowley (NY), Charles Gonzalez (TX), Gene Greene (TX), Raul Grijalva (AZ), Mike Honda (CA), Sheila Jackson Lee (TX), Barbara Lee (CA), Grace Napolitano (CA), Solomon Ortiz (TX), Jared Polis (CO), Gregorio Sablan (D-Northern Marianas), Jan Schakowsky (IL), Jose Serrano (NY), Nydia Velázquez (NY), Anthony Weiner (NY), and Lynn Woolsey (CA)

The following is the opening statement delivered by Rep. Gutierrez:

We have reached the milestone of 100 co-sponsors for the Comprehensive Immigration Reform for America Security and Prosperity bill – a bill I helped put together with the Congressional Hispanic Caucus and which has been embraced and supported by the Congressional Black Caucus, the Congressional Asian Pacific American Caucus, and the Congressional Progressive Caucus. We will hear from the leaders of each of these caucuses today, as well as a number of other Members who are not only committed to reform themselves, but are helping us reach out to other Members and build support.

We know the legislative clock is ticking. We know people are getting deported at the highest rate in modern history. We know that the inter-related problems of illegal immigration, clogged and unattainable legal immigration, border security, deportation, detention, and a two-tiered labor market that hurts all workers will not solve themselves.

We know that the Arizona law — which, unless something happens, will go into effect in about one month — is a call to action. It is a cry of frustration. It is not a rejection of comprehensive immigration reform but an alarm bell that the American people are angry, they want solutions, and they want a rational legal immigration system that secures the border and gets all immigrants into the system and playing by the rules.

This next month will be critical. After the August recess, we all know the chances of major action dwindle and that if the Arizona law is allowed to go into effect, it will cause massive disruptions and set a dangerous precedent. As American leaders, we must show the way to fix an American problem: our broken immigration system.

The American people want action, and they want law and order restored to the immigration system. My fellow Democrats, we support the policy the American people actually want; the policy the American people see as pragmatic, and the policy they see as the law and order approach to the immigration issue. Now we must be brave enough to fight for it. Where Republicans see voter frustration and want to exploit it, we should be smart enough to respond to voter frustration by solving the problem that actually frustrates them.

Americans know that trying to drive out 12 million immigrants is not going to happen. And most immigrants are not leaving on their own, no matter how tough we make it. We simply cannot expect to get rid of a population about the size of Ohio (or their 4 million U.S. citizen children). They will not magically disappear. So an immigration policy based on a fantasy no longer flies with the American people. It has no credibility. The American people want a different, more realistic solution.

We need a rational solution. We need a practical solution. We need a fair solution. That solution, CIR ASAP, is on the table and it should not languish there while the American people demand action.

AND NOT a SINGLE WORD about Binational and UAFA -We are yet to see more than just a Promise…. (hmmm)

Are you being politically expedient again Rep Gutierrez?  Lezgetreal has contacted the Congressman’s Press office for comments on his flip flop, – and its been almost a month since we received a communication citing we would get a response. I am still waiting for it.

BY THE WAY – UAFA as a stand alone has more than 100 Co Sponsors!!!   Where is the LGBT Caucus?  Where is Immigration Equality?

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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Calling for a New Direction: Marrying DREAM ACT to UAFA

Grassroot sloggers amount to a handful, a small dedicated group that has done an enormous amount of work with no resources at hand.  This group of people, some under the Out4Immigration banner and others, unpaid independent activists, have fought hard for the ideal of one basic right – EQUALITY – and in this instance equality under the immigration law.

Gays and Lesbian spouses/partners in the USA cannot sponsor foreign born partners for immigration to the USA, commensurate with that very right, freely exercised, by different-gender couples.

Contextually, this fight has been going on for well over a decade and has a history of Bills introduced, none of which garnished as much traction as the Bill introduced by Democratic Congressman Jerrold Nadler of New York,  last year, The Uniting AMERICAN Families Act. (UAFA)

While on the path to sponsorship and at a time where there were already over 100 co sponsors of the House Bill as well as a significant number of Senators in support, a case occurred in Pacifica, California that brought media and mainstream attention to the issue and the severity of its inequities.

Senator Dianne Feinstein’s introduction of Private Bill #867 into Congress, in support of Shirley Tan’s plight, spurred great LGBT ally Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT) into action and the first ever Senate Judiciary Committee hearing for UAFA was held on on June 3^rd 2009.  This together with a ‘friendly’ and ‘ LGBT rights promising President’,  Democratic majority in Congress opened the door for the real possibility of greater sponsorship for UAFA and immigration equality for LGBT permanent partners. (Shirley Tan’s moving testimony at the SJC can be seen and heard here.)

However at that June 03, critical  juncture – instead of seizing the opportunity, a small organization known as Immigration Equality, purporting ownership tantamount to domain in this arena of  LGBT equality rights, decided with a lobby to some democratic members of Congress, that UAFA could never get the traction it needed as a stand-alone bill in Congress and figured that we would be better off by tying UAFA into Comprehensive Immigration reform, which they asserted was imminent as far back as June of last year.

The more they advocated and the more they pushed for LGBT inclusion in CIR, the more bullets they put in the toe of UAFA as stand alone legislation.   This has been covered extensively in my bi-national column here on the LGR site.

Organizations were led by Immigration Equality ORG to believe they had the goods to deliver; and in their advocacy they changed strategy, seeking UAFA’s inclusion in immigration reform, while failing  to do any real due diligence, other than to canvass a few representatives in Congress and the Senate.

They also scoped and spoke to a few Latino organizations for support, but failed to take real stock of the impossible task ahead.  Soon everyone was equating OUR stand alone ‘equality bill’ with the BIG comprehensive Immigration reform picture.

They sauntered through the Health Care debacle, watching the Democrats fall like flies to political fear, costing the American people ‘The Public Option, ‘ and not for one minute did this self appointed threesome of strategists pay attention to how this would impact immigration reform in the future.

Health Care resulted in Immigration Reform, and not its new hopeful appendage, UAFA, taking a backseat, only to show up now in a much more aggressive anti immigration climate, to wit – Arizona!

Did the genius of Immigration Equality anticipate this?   Probably not and they should have known better.   But when things happen that one does not anticipate, it is an opportunity for leadership to get out the strategy thermometer and check the temperature.  What are the facts behind this story?  Accountability and transparency apparently not in the  Immigration Equality Lexicon.

Failure in transparency and unwillingness to involve more than a handful,  in a decision so momentous, sets Immigration equality up now for having to take responsibility especially having claimed full ownership to the so-called strategy.  At the very least,they ought to seek  external advice from the community, especially the bi-national community, which happens to be the true owners of the rights at stake.  Perhaps Rachel Tiven could have placed a call to Kate Kendell at  NCLR and to others,  and called for a collection of brains to re assess the picture.

So now in the midst of hailing Congressman Gutierrez for finally coming on board and Senators Schumer, Reid et al for the  (mere) framework for Comprehensive immigration reform, and a whole year later – we have indeed put UAFA to bed. Why? Because if we try and advocate for a stand alone UAFA, any representative who is not asleep at the wheel – will simply tell us to wait.  Guess what? Another year will go by and the balance in Congress will change and we will be back to square one, while continuing  to foster the banishment of our LGBT married and partnered bi-national citizens and residents, some  into exile, detention, and unnecessary risky asylum proceedings. Even Shirley Tan remains at great risk!

Yesterday I received information from an activist whom some of you may know as TIFF; and he says “I’m just back from “jail for CIR,” but the talk is edging toward stand alone bills for Ag-Jobs and the Dream Act given the Republicans flat out opposition to anything Obama wants to do.  This means we might consider focusing more on UAFA as a stand-alone again as well.”

Hallelujah! A year later someone else is speaking ‘my speak;’ and endorsing the fact that Immigration Equality is no longer qualified to own immigration equality!  They have led us on a wild goose chase, all the while collecting the good will and good money of desperate bi-nationals.  G-d I hope I am proved wrong; or alternatively they had better wake up and take the fork in the road.

Tiff goes on to say “But generally, whether we go UAFA alone, or in CIR – we still have major opposition from Evangelicals and USCCB that is going unaddressed.   I think this is a huge hole in our advocacy.”

I agree but all the more reason to jump start UAFA NOW while we have the chance at shooting for the friendly numbers in Congress.  Do not tell me we have no traction!  We have not tried. For as long as we have sailed the river of CIR- we have allowed UAFA to submerge.  No matter what anyone tells you, advocating for UAFA as a stand alone is vastly different from what Immigration Equality has poured its resources into.

Maybe if the Dream Act, Ag and UAFA – were put into an omnibus – and not set up with the ‘12 million biometric pay fines amnesty and fix the border controversy,’ we would get Congress to open their hearts!

Quite frankly when it come to equality related Immigration Bills, the evangelicals are welcome to risk putting their Church communities on the line in a climate that favors equity for gays and lesbians and those who abhor what the Dream Act will remedy, will eventually fall to conscience or take their front row seats in their self preserved Hell.

Recently Tiff put out a letter addressed to the USCCB telling them to STOP their advocacy against our community.   ” Some feel,”  says Tiff,  “that we should be quiet and not rock the boat since we have made gains in terms of being included in various frameworks (which is a great gain, but far from a win.)”

I wonder if he is referring to Immigration Equality here? I chose not to ask.

This articles shows that this struggle is FAR from over, and that the Evangelicals and others will regroup and come back.  http://www.congress.org/news/2010/05/26/rift_grows_between_immigration_allies

The hole that Tiff speaks of is  our failure as a movement to directly engage the opposition.   Most of the work on the religious front is focused on developing support among the more welcoming faiths.

It is here that I must add my agreement by way of example.  I would submit to Tiff that it is more than not engaging our opposition, it is a flagrant refusal to engage our opposition when we have the opportunity.  Example in point – After Shirley Tan gave testimony at the June 2009 Senate Judiciary Committee hearing for UAFA, I left the hearing Room together with Shirl, Jay and then 12 year old twins; we were excited to go door to door in the Dirksen Building to Advocate for UAFA.   (The IE switch to CIR advocacy was to start the very next day, when HONDA introduced related legislation.)

We asked the staff (no names mentioned,) from Immigration Equality, for a list of representatives and senators we should go and visit to introduce Shirl, the family and to tell the story.  The momentum was significant.  We had all afternoon and would have seen anyone.

However we were explicitly told by the IE staffer NOT to waste our time going to visit with Republicans.  Naive at the time, I was surprised, because I always believe that even if a person overtly opposes my viewpoint, I have a duty to provide the education in the hope that it could nestle somewhere in the opposition’s subconscious, waiting for that rainy day of reckoning.

Tiff goes on to say, yesterday “that as with any campaign, if we ignore the opposition, they are left unfettered to do their undermining.  I really recommend that we concentrate more effort on opposing the USCCB and Evangelicals for UAFA and for our broader movement.  I think it’s silly to think that if we are quiet – they will let this happen.”

Yes, I agree TIFF is correct.  However we would need to be looking at UAFA as a stand alone and/or include he Dream Act. That would be the best way. To marry the two.

We could move quickly from framework to BILL, and call it Remedial or Equality Immigration Reform – and amnesty and Biometrics and Borders could fall into CIR as a separate piece of legislation; the division is an excellent plan, because the Equality Immigration reform is in essence remedying an inequity to basic existing rights-  to existing policy and law.

Whereas Biometrics and Amnesty entertains the conference  of a new privilege to undocumented immigrants. The reason to keep border security with this second Bill – would be to encourage Republican votes and same would remain a response to Arizona’s encroachment on Federal law.

Please keep your eyes open for a follow up Article on how we can engage our opposition and how we should push for UAFA as a stand alone, with the possibility of Including DREAM ACT.

By Melanie Nathan
Nathan@privatecourts.com
@oblogdeeoblogda

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A good ol’ lesbian with the name ‘Melanie ’ leaves a comment on the website of “Marriage Matters”  at a somewhat lame  post which quotes an  article by an old bloke, married for 30 years, providing tips for longevity of marriage.

While Melanie has been married since 2008 (one of the lucky Pre-Prop 8, 18,000 in California , ) she thought that the advice warranted her comment, seeing that she is relatively new to marriage (well that is really because she had to wait 7 years for the law) and the advice seemed sound; it could certainly work for Melanie and her wife. Of course she  thanked the post host.

Marriage Matters, is a mentoring programs supported by  the politically influential Christian organization, Iowa Family Policy Center, which received $3 million in federal grants between 2004 and 2009.  The IFPC, described as a “leading voice of opposition to same-sex marriage in Iowa, ”   was recently called to task in an Article by the Iowa Independent, raising Church vs. State questions in this regard.

Marriage Matter’s Site:- Advice for ALL – Including this lesbian because they have been funded by  my TAX Dollars

“Long-lasting Love in Marriage http://www.healthy-marriage.com/

“Sharing two hobbies, having three cuddles every 24 hours, saying at least one ‘I love you’ a day and enjoying… Coming from a couple who has been married for 30+ years, these tips in Rodney Grubbs’ article, 3 Kisses a Day give us some insight on marriage and how couple can keep their love for each other fresh and alive.

“Sharing two hobbies, having three cuddles every 24 hours, saying at least one ‘I love you’ a day and enjoying two romantic meals a month will help ensure a lasting liaison,”

• The “ideal partnership” involves an older groom and a younger bride, possibly due to the increased emotional and financial stability of the groom/husband in such unions.
• “Regular kisses, cuddles and romantic nights out” are critical to keeping the magic alive after the honeymoon is over.
• Ideally, married couples should say “I love you” at least once every day and have sex three times a week.
• It doesn’t hurt to plan at least two romantic meals out per month and three nights of cuddling on the sofa per week.
• An “ideal” couple, according to the research, maintain regular contact, even during are at work hours, “through at least three phone calls, text messages, or emails.”

Long-lasting Love in Marriage

My Wife and I have been married since July 2008. We do a lot of what you describe here and will follow your shining example so that we too can enjoy a magnificent 30 years. Thanks for posting.

I thought it a great idea to acknowledge the advice from someone so experienced.  May as well make use of the site if its funded by ALL of our tax money!  Why don’t more of you pay them a visit and show your appreciation for the grand advice. Especially those of us who were lucky enough to marry when we had the chance! I calculate 17,999 comments from California alone.

IFPC is set to receive $550,000 through the US Healthy Marriage Demonstration Fund in 2011.

According to The Iowa Independent: A representative of the U.S. Healthy Marriage program in Washington, D.C., told The Iowa Independent that certain overlap in spending might occur between the grantee (IFPC) and contractor programs (Marriage Matters), although not technically allowed. Marriage Matters is not registered with Iowa Secretary of State as a separate corporation, but rather as a registered trademark of the Iowa Family Policy Center. Mike Hartwig, Bryan English, Marriage Matters, The Iowa Family Policy Center and the IFPC Action PAC all share office space at 1100 N. Hickory Blvd. in Pleasant Hill, and Hartwig is paid a salary as vice president of IFPC

Melanie Nathan LGBT ADvocate /Activist

BY Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
see me on FB

@oblogdeeoblogda

“Two surprise weekends away every year, will also keep the marriage strong.””OOOPS forgot this one!!!!

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Rachel Wahba, Co-founder of Olivia Cruises and Resorts, is a psychotherapist in private practice in San Francisco. She grew up stateless, an Egyptian -Iraqi Jew, born in India, and raised in Japan, before arriving in the United States.  Navigating diverse cultures and complicated emotions are her forte.

Rachel, an avid and talented photographer,  will be writing exclusively for Lezgetreal, in a column that will theme social and relationship issues, stories, and commentary through the eyes of this unique lesbian lens encapsulated in the context of lesbian history or histrionics…mmm.. let us see where it goes  .. The Editors at Lezgetreal know you are in for a treat.

Rachel’s first column will appear today – titled  ‘Lez-Talk  with Rachel’

Welcome Rachel

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I called the break-up of these two awhile ago and Tammy Lynn Michaels called me out on her blog, saying I don’t know anything about her relationship. I’m not happy to be right. But it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out from the “Hollywood Farm Girl’s” blog that their relationship was over. Read the saga between myself and Tammy Lynn (and her fans & Melissa fans) below:  

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Read the announcement of the break up: http://hollywoodfarmgirl.blogspot.com/

Karel – well known out gay radio personality/host and pro equality proponent blasted the fact that Larry King gets to marry so often and to divorce so often. Karel went on to say that Gay people have  no marital rights under the federal law in the USA.  He makes the point that protecting the sanctity of marriage (for straights people,) an unsubstantiated argument against gay marriage, is impacted by people being allowed to divorce especially as often as the likes of Larry King.

While Karel’s thesis is to restrict divorce, mine is to ban divorce.  His idea is based on the fact that people get to divorce too many times and that surely impacts the so called sanctity of marriage.  However my argument speaks to the fact that same-sex marriage is outlawed under federal law based purely on the mindset and argument that same-sex couples will disturb the sanctity of marriage.

What could be worse to the sanctity of marriage than the couple, who exercised their  legal right to marry, signed the legal contract and even made a religious vow to stay together until ‘death do us part,’ terminating the marriage?   What could be more rift causing, family breaking, troublesome than that?

I guess what to those proponents it is worse if same gender couples marry and stay together until “death do them part!”

So gays and lesbians are denied their inherent right, to marry; and specifically discriminated against by virtue of DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) for an absolutely fallacious reason – while the real cause of harm to marriage is a day to day occurrence for many different people and for some a regular occurrence every few years or so.   True Larry King is indeed an old bloke – 80 plus… I do not know so that gives him a marriage every ten years since the day he was born! See my November, 2009 Article  BAN DIVORCE …

Karel’s show: ‘if you want to hear the comments including the authors go to the podcast at www.radiokrl.com or iTunes

Hear and SEE Karel On Green960 KKGN San Francisco, KRXA 540 Monterey, KUDO Anchorage, KYNS San Luis Obispo, iTunes, More To Follow 3pm to 6pm M-F Live!

Thanks to Karel for correcting me – 8th divorce and 7th wife. Even bigger chutzpah he got to marry one twice!

Melanie Nathan

by Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

@oblogdeeoblogda

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Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I will be dishing out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career, family and fashion issues. Are your friends tired of trying to come up with the solutions to your problems? Are your friends the problem? Did your mom surprise you with a date with the nice guy at her office? I’m here to help!

Hi Femme,
This question really makes me sound like a middle school girl but I am going to ask anyway.
I am a 25 year old bisexual who mostly dated men in the past. Couple of days ago I met an amazing, artsy, classy woman – bless craigslist! We went out once, however I don’t know how to proceed. She is a lesbian about 10 years older. We are both femmes. Should I call or
should I wait? What is the convention here? Thanks in advance.

So New

SN,

I’m so glad you wrote in, this is a great question. In the straight world, the man generally waits three days and calls the woman if he’s still interested. However, LBQ protocol is different. Women tend to be shyer than men, women new to the scene, such as yourself are hesitant to take on the role of the initiator and women who are more seasoned might be shy after having bad experiences. I’ll let you know what I think. I think women should call each other! Who cares if she hasn’t called you? Call her and let her know you like her. It’s so hard to find someone you have a connection with in this world and that goes for gay and straight people. When I was still on the market, I generally texted a girl after a date to say “thank you.” If the time for that has passed, give her a call, tell her you like her and would really want to see her again. If you are worried too much time has passed since you went out, just let her know you were too nervous to call her sooner because you think she’s so amazing. Girls love that stuff. Good luck and let us know if you get the girl!

Hi,
I have a problem. I met this women and she wanted a friends with benefits type of relationship. I agreed to it and thought I could handle it. I fell more for her than she did for me. She was sarcastic with me and kept telling it wouldn’t last long and that she wasn’t really into me. But when we had sex she was very affectionate. But she couldn’t get aroused or have an orgasm. This is when I knew she wasn’t really into me. I was aroused by her. We agreed to remain friends.

Have A Problem

HAP,

I have to tell you, I don’t think this woman wants a relationship with you. You deserve better than someone who is mean and sarcastic with you. I would say not to even be friends with her, cut ties and find someone who can appreciate you for who you are and who will be sexually compatible with you. Good luck and let us know when you find love!

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

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04/06/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

Rufus Wainwright, the popular gay musician, has never been a huge marriage equality fan. However, he is now admitting that falling in love has changed his perspective on marriage equality. Wainwright has been with his partner, Jorn Weisbrodt, for over five years now. Wainwright has always been known as a bit of a rebel and he acknowledges this and said in an interview:

“I wasn’t a huge gay marriage supporter before I met Jorn because I love the whole old-school promiscuous Oscar Wilde freak show of what ‘being gay’ once was. But since meeting Jorn that all changed.”

There is also an immigration problem involved as well. German born Weisbrodt needs a green card to stay in the country, which he may or may not be approved for.

Starpulse.com reports that Rufus said of this obstacle:

“I have been with Jorn for five years and he’s the light of my life. He’s my inspiration, support and he’s good in the sack, too! But I am very aware of living in the U.S., of the conundrum that you can’t marry your gay partner and give him citizenship. He has to apply for a green card and he may or may not get accepted, which is annoying when you’re in a committed relationship. If we were straight, we could get married and he’d get his American passport and it would make a lot of sense.”

Congrats to Rufus and Jorg on their love! Wainwright has a lot of powerful fans. In the past, he has brought almost off the NYC celebs out of hiding to attend his concerts. He can reach a huge audience and it’s great that he has decided to advocate for marriage equality and LGBT immigration rights.

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The celebration includes a Hebrew language LGBT film series, theatrical and musical performances by prominent Israeli artists, cooking demonstrations, art exhibitions, literary readings, and panels discussions on LGBT culture in Israel and Zionist perspectives.

This Thursday April 8 a local anti-Israel group called QUIT (”Queers Undermining Israeli Terrorism”)will be protesting outside the Roxie Theater (16th and Valencia Streets, San Francisco) where the festival will have its opening night films.

This is no time to be bringing  Israel’s political debates or American foreign policy into our LGBT  cultural explorations.  We are   fighting our own struggle here , in the USA – for Equality.    Our struggle is not one that has anything to do with Israel’s policies.  Separate issue, wrong place – I say please quit  QUIT!

Israel is one of the few Countries that treats its Queers with respect and dignity enacting pro gay laws in the Knesset and providing for full equality under the law, notwithstanding its religious basis.

The USA   is a Country that has a reprehensible discrimination record against the LGBT community.  I say QUIT should quit!

This festival is truly a gift and should be supported for what it is.  As an out Jewish lesbian I am grateful for Israel’s  Knesset.  It serves as a shining example and provides hope to us here in the US as we look up to its record on equality.

We are calling supporters of  LGBT equality to turn out and show support for ISRAEL as a country that fully supports LGBT equality. The right wing or religious views in Israel have not hampered equality there as it has done here.

However, my wife, Dorit Nathan-Israel,  who is Israeli disagrees with me completely (here we are -James and Mary) and says that QUIT has ever right to protest – that is their view and this is a legitimate venue to express it.   This, she says, is a human rights issue too, for them and so it is fair for them to be there. She says Quit should not Quit but supporters on the other side of the issue should come out to express heir views as well.

However, Dear Wife, because this post is mine…. I have the last word…. and it goes like this..

So San Francisco we are a Queer first CITY .… when it comes to our needs and right now our need is Equality which will only be engendered through acceptance.  This cultural event moves the discussion toward acceptance and so we are obligated to support it.   When we have full acceptance and full equality here in the USA, then we can afford to protest other issues should we choose.

To QUIT I say this – QUIT! Join the fight for Equality dear brothers and sisters and then we can talk more….

“Out in Israel” is, sponsored in part by the Israeli Consulate, the San Francisco and East Bay Federations, JCRC, BlueStarPR, and Congregation Sha’ar Zahav.

More information can be found about festival at http://www.sanfranciscosentinel.com/?p=67384

Post dedicated to my beloved Granny Rosie, of  blessed memory,  on this what would have been her birthday.

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
Picture above: My Wedding at Congregation Rodef Sholom
Married by rabbi Stacy Friedman

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04/5/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

DJ Tracy Young got dumped because Real Housewife Kim Zolciak couldn’t take the criticism that comes with a lesbian relationship. Young couches this in a nest of nice words towards Zolciak, but in the end that’s the bottom line. Kim Zolciak is best known for her drama stirring ways on the Real Housewives of Atlanta, as well as for her relationship with the married Lee Najar, aka Big Papa. Rumors about Zolciak and Young started to fly about 2 months ago and Zolciak recently addressed the situation, saying both women were in a vulnerable place when they met and they made each other happy for a brief moment in time but they had since broken up.

Young basically confirms what Zolciak said, Young had gotten out of a long term relationship with her partner and Kim was rebounding from yet another Big Papa disappointment. The two met while collaborating on “Tardy for the Party.” Young says the two broke up after four months because Kim couldn’t handle the media scrutiny and said several times, “she has kids” as a reason that Kim didn’t want to be in a lesbian relationship. Young also says that “it’s a hard lifestyle.” She only had good things to say about Zolciak, who is frequently slammed for her behavior on Real Housewives. She says that Kim in real life is not the one you see on T.V. and that she is a good person. Young admits that the two are not currently speaking at all, but she holds out hope that in the future the two of them could get back togther. I kind of hope they do. I’m such a sap! Maybe this is all a ploy to get the media off their backs so they can continue their relationship in private?

You can listen to the entire interview HERE

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Melanie Nathan 4-4-10.  Celesbians galore,  a 7.2 magnitude  Earthquake,  a grand welcome to Salt-n-Pepa,  after a ten (yes) year hiatus (I call that coming back from the dead baby!) Hey lesbian sisters, what more could you want of California?

The Dinah gave it its all this 20th Anniversary and Meredith was there too – OMG !   We at Lezgetreal heard that you are all having an amazing time at the Dinah. In fact when the earthquake hot (I mean hit…sheez mel! ) we here at LGR were so concerned that we sent a dove to check up on you, her name is Blackberry;  you saw her flying overhead?

Guess what Mariah’s spokesperson told us?  We asked “Is anyone injured; are they scared?

Answer

no injuries,

everyone was WAY TOO DRUNK to be scared!”

Your interview on this Video certainly toils-the-tude™ (I get to trademark that one) of a classic 20th that only Dinah Dudes get!  Here goes some succinct comments out of the mouths of the Salty Peppery Two:-

“One big estrogen party;”

“After our ten year hiatus our following comes out….”  (kewl, thats purrfect for this performance); and they show us a

“Lot-a-love ” (Duh)

So in case you were not expecting it the World has changed and has not changed….  but undoubtedly if you attend a Mariah Dinah  now or 20 ago, you will have a blast and will never come OUT the same again!   Lotsa Love and Happy Anniversary MARIAH et al.

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Melanie Nathan, reporting 3-29-2010.

We wrote an article on March 26th questioning the actions of Liberty Council and now have received word that our questions are well founded, in light of a  new brief recently submitted to the Vermont Court by Liberty.

In the brief Liberty Council attorneys challenge the right of the Vermont Supreme Court to do what it did which was to recognize Janet Jenkins as a legal parent of IMJ: “Regardless of the parentage label attached to Jenkins’ status by this Court or the trial court, the fact is that Jenkins is not the biological or adoptive parent to IMJ.”

Liberty Counsel then goes on to cite the Declaration of Independence and point out that “… there comes a time when government abuses require the people to throw off abusive government.”

GLAD has been representing Janet Jenkins at the appellate level in Vermont, and has informed us that it has been a long, difficult journey for the now legal custodial parent, Janet Jenkins.

A spokesperson for GLAD informed me today that if Liberty Council attorneys are assisting Ms. Miller,  this would be a very serious professional breach, for which attorneys can be disbarred.

They also said Liberty Council attorneys go much further in their language in this Brief  and by virtue of the wording itself, it is my opinion that it is evident that the lawyers of Liberty Council are indeed assisting Lisa Miller.

GLAD’s Spokesperson said,“ As lawyers we were shocked by the language in this brief.  In essence the brief is saying  ‘We don’t believe in your authority as a Supreme Court.”

Further, as previously asked, how can attorneys purport to act without a client? Where is the person providing the instruction? Surely these are ethical practice questions. How can attorneys purport to speak on behalf of a client who they purport to have no contact with?

As a writer with a strong legal background, I too must conclude that this is one of the most egregious and astounding documents I have ever seen filed into a Court of Law. I think its actionable on so many fronts.

This has gone far beyond a gay straight mother custody issue. This is now an example of where church fundamentalism has seriously crossed the most sacred of boundaries, masking their defiance behind the legitimacy of legal practice and the associated BAR that governs such practice.

Lezgetreal is a labor of love and if we had the resources we would be knocking on many doors right now. That said, we would love for someone in the mainstream media with deep investigative pockets to 1) find Lisa and 2) take a good hard look at Liberty Counsel.

M-J SUPREME COURT BRIEF 03-08-10

Melanie Nathan

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

In defiance of State Law:
LIBERTY COUNCIL: Mailing Address: PO Box 540774, Orlando, FL 32854. Telephone: 800-671-1776. Email: Liberty@LC.org

Thomas Road Baptist Church www.trbc.org 1 Mountain View Drive Lynchburg, VA 24514-0003 (434) 239-9281

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Lisa Miller is still on the run – Isabella is almost 9 (April)  and it is a month since arrest warrant -  Are friends  helping and hiding lesbian mom and child?

By Melanie Nathan. 3-25-10; So called “Friends of Lisa Miller”  alias Liberty Council say they don’t know where Lisa Miller  and her seven-year-old daughter are, but they say they support her decision to leave.  A Vermont court ordered Miller’s ex-partner Janet Jenkins custody of their daughter in May, and now it’s been six months since Miller’s friends say they’ve had any contact with her.

The case has drawn national attention and has strong ties to Lynchburg.  Liberty Counsel is working on filing an appeal to the latest court order, which included handing over Isabella.

It does not take a genius to see through this farce. The purported ‘we do not know where she is at?’  Can you imagine a ‘ face- all -over -the -gay -press’ mom with an almost nine year old running, hiding and not a single human soul knows where she is at?

Famous Linda Wall quotes:

“I was able to leave homosexuality through a miraculous encounter with the Lord,”

“Thomas Road Baptist church didn’t play a part.”

“I do support what she’s done,”"When the law is wrong, what’s a person to do?”

“I am supposed to be the number one suspect because I was so involved in this and I don’t know where she is”

Lisa Miller’s friend Janet Stasulli also has no idea of her whereabouts. “We have no idea where she is.” The last time Wall says she had contact with Miller was in late September. Up to that point, she believes Miller was working behind the scenes on her escape. It’s a decision they support.  Wall said.

Janet Jenkins’ ACLU attorney, Sarah Star said that even though Jenkins has been awarded sole custody of Isabella, she would still allow Miller to have visitation.   Miller and Jenkins were joined in a Vermont civil union in 2000. Miller broke up with Jenkins in 2003, moved to the Lynchburg-area, denounced homosexuality, and joined Thomas Road Baptist Church.      Isabella was born to Miller, biologically  and Jenkins, by adoption, through artificial insemination in 2002.

In addition to Star, Jenkins is being represented in the various legal proceedings by the Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, the ACLU of Virginia, and Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders.

The Miller-Jenkins girl is one of 142 children who have been reported as missing in Virginia during the last two years alone — 85 of them girls — according to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

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Melanie Nathan

By Melanie Nathan, EMAIL

03/17/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

“Gregory and Jonathan: A Love that Beat the Odds,” that is the title of Gregory and Jonathan’s entry in the Crate and BarrelUltimate Wedding contest. Their profile acknowledges the fact that they have struggled with acceptance from mainstream society. Jonathan is actually a hate crime victim, he was attacked in 2008 and was severely injured. Despite the hatred they have experienced, the couple is proud of themselves for dealing with it, staying together, staying true to who they are and living their life openly and honestly. On their profile at the contest website, they say:

The pure existence of our love is not always accepted. We had to deal with hatred from outsiders and support one another in recovery. Our love story involves the evolution of the meaning of love and the perseverance that allowed two people such as us to openly experience happiness. We knew that we were right for each other from the start, we knew that we would always be by one another’s sides and that as best friends we could truly experience our love openly.

Gregory and Jonathan are now being attacked for their entry into the Crate and Barrel Contest by online commenters. GLAADis reporting that the couple is being attacked all over the internet, in particular, a Chicago blogger who identifies as a police officer posted an especially anti-gay entry that has since been removed. Before it was removed, several people left hateful, bigoted comments.

The couple said that they considered dropping out of the contest because of all the attacks. However, they are committed to standing up for gay couples everywhere. Jonathan said: “We have the power to change society, we have the power to make a difference.”

Gregory and Jonathan are currently in second place in the competition, which certainly shows that there is more support for the LGBT community than hatred. The haters just speak loudly, harshly and often. Gregory and Jonathan are great examples of people staying true to themselves and remaining strong in the face of adversity. If there is anything to be learned from this, it is to stay true to yourself. Read the rest of their profile and vote for Gregory and Jonathan Here

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Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I will be dishing out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career, family and fashion issues. Are your friends tired of trying to come up with the solutions to your problems? Are your friends the problem? Did your mom surprise you with a date with the nice guy at her office? I’m here to help!   This installment of Ask the Femme starts off with a follow-up question from “Ask the Femme: Time to Move on”  

Dear Femme,

Here is my follow-up story

I’m 30 yrs old, and I have been married almost 11 years. I started working at the company I’m still at today 2 years ago, and I met this woman who just completely took my breath away. She is no longer with the company, but I still think about her all the time. I shared my feelings with my husband, and he is very supportive. He thought it would be a good idea to let her know how I feel, but I just can’t do it. I’ve never had feelings for any woman before, but with her it’s like I have strong feelings, and I don’t even really know her. I know it can’t be love, but it sure does feel like it. Also I’m married so regardless I couldn’t pursue it now even if I wanted to. I’m still so confused, and need help. I can’t always talk to my husband about it, and really wish I knew someone going through the same thing.

Can’t Stand It

Thanks for writing in again, CSI. I want you to know that you aren’t alone. There are many women who have been in your shoes. It’s good (if a little confusing) that your husband knows about your struggle with your attraction to your co-worker. I agree that you need to find someone else to talk to about it. Perhaps you have a best friend or an LBQ friend who is willing to talk with you. If not, I recommend seeing a counselor who can really add a neutral, third party perspective.

I think eventually you should approach the girl. But before you approach her, I think that you need to know what you want from her. Do you want to sleep with her? Have a threesome? Date her? Is your husband okay with you dating someone else and having feelings for them? Or just to sleep with them? Are you still attracted to your husband or do you think you might be a lesbian? These are questions you need to solve yourself before you approach your former co-worker. Learn about yourself and then take action.

I found a writer that you may be interested in. Married women who love women- http://users.erols.com/carrens/ Carren Strock was in your situation and has written a book and maintains a blog aimed at women like yourself who are struggling coming to terms with their sexual orientation after marriage.

Good Luck, CSI and let us know how it turns out!

Dear Femme,

I’m a 34 year old dyke, I’ve been in two serious long-term relationships and I am looking to settle down with that special someone. I think I’ve found her, there’s only one problem, she’s still married to her husband. She has been having affairs with other women behind his back for almost 10 years now and she says that I’m the first woman she would consider leaving him for. However, it’s been almost a year and she still hasn’t even separated from him! I love her, but I’m getting tired of waiting. Do you think she is yanking my chain or should I stick around?

Too Old For This

Hi TOFT,

Thanks for writing! I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don’t think your girlfriend is going to leave her husband for you. I think that deep down inside, you already know this. This woman has been doing this for ten years, she’s never left her husband and she’s probably not going to start now.

 I’m not saying she doesn’t have real feelings for you, but chances are she had feelings for the other women who have come and gone in her life. For whatever reason, TOFT, your girlfriend enjoys playing games with other women. Maybe she’s bi and her husband has given her permission to discreetly fulfill her desires or women or maybe she likes the attention that she receives from women outside of her marriage, either way, she’s happy. She gets to have her cake and eat it too. I suggest that you cut your losses and move on, so that you can find someone who is ready to start a life with you.  

Good luck TOFT and keep in touch!

Dear Femme,

This is a really long story so I hope you read it to the end. My friend, “K”, was in a long term relationship until her partner died, 3 months ago, after a really long illness. After her partner died, K and I started hooking up. She was really sad so I comforted her. Soon we were seeing each other everyday, I would bring over food for her and help her with her laundry and stuff. It was like we were girlfriends. She told me she wasn’t ready to date, but that if she was she would be with me. Then, a week ago, she told me she had a new girlfriend! She said she was so excited about her new relationship and she hoped I understood that she wasn’t ready to be with me. What gives? My friends say that K’s new girlfriend is just a rebound and when they break up, K will be ready to be with me. Like she’s saving the best for last. What do you think? Should I date someone else to make her jealous?  

Special K Confused

Hi SKC,

First of all, please never date another woman just to make someone else jealous, that’s really cruel for the person who is being used. Remember, treat others the way you would like to be treated.

K is treating you very, very badly. I have to say that I disagree with your friends, I don’t think that K is ever going to be ready to date you. It’s amazing that K can be in a relationship at all, given how recent her loss is. She would be better off getting a therapist who can help her sort out her pain than getting a girlfriend. Either way, K has seen the value of keeping you around. You make her feel good, you bring her things, you are around everyday and I’m sure that helps her get over the pain of losing her partner. While it makes her feel better, it is making you feel awful. You need to extricate yourself from  this situation before you get hurt further. Instead of dating someone else to make K jealous, why don’t you date someone who is in a place where they are ready for a long term relationship? As hard as it may be, you need to forget about K and move on. Maybe in the future, when she is really over her loss, K will contact you again. But don’t live for that day, live for yourself and live in the present.  

Good luck, SKC and keep in touch!

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03/09/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

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Susan Sommer, LAMBDA

Argument starts  in Lambda Legal Case to Protect Parent-Child Relationship Between Child and Non-Biological Mother.

Posted By Melanie Nathan.   2/19/10/    (New York, February 17, 2010) -  Lambda Legal argued before the New York State Court of Appeals on behalf of a non-biological mother after an intermediate appeals court denied her right to seek custody and visitation with, and provide financial support to the child she has parented with her former same-sex partner.

“This heartbreaking case calls on our high court to address the best interests of the child in sustaining his relationship with the person he has always known as his second parent,” said Susan Sommer, Director of Constitutional Litigation at Lambda Legal. “New York law governing children’s rights to their non-biological parents needs to be clarified by the court. Many other states protect a child’s relationship with a non-biological, non-adoptive parent. This child should not be at risk of losing the person who has been his mother all his life.”

Lambda Legal represents Debra H. in her effort to continue to parent the son she and her former partner, Janice R., planned together. The couple agreed they would raise a family together in a two-parent household and conceived their son using in vitro fertilization.  Janice promised that Debra would formally adopt their child, and they met with an adoption lawyer prior to their son’s birth. In 2003, before he was born, they entered into a civil union in Vermont, which at that time was the most legally significant relationship available to same-sex couples under U.S. law.

Debra was by Janice’s side throughout labor and delivery and cut their son’s umbilical cord; her last name was included in their son’s name on his birth certificate. In the years that followed Debra gave him the day and night love, nurture and care of a mother. When it came time for the second-parent adoption, Janice, an attorney, advised Debra “as a lawyer” that they didn’t need to get the courts involved and Debra would always be the boy’s parent. When the couple’s relationship ended in 2006, Debra continued actively to parent her son, who moved with Janice into an apartment only a block away. Debra and her son were together daily, and she often put him to bed.

In May of 2008, when the child was 4 ½ years old, Janice abruptly refused Debra any further contact with him. Debra immediately filed for emergency joint custody and restoration of parental access. The trial court ordered interim regular ongoing visitation and allowed Debra’s petition to proceed to trial. When Janice appealed, Lambda Legal entered the case in early 2009 on Debra’s behalf. The case was argued in the Appellate Division, First Department in March 2009, and on April 9, 2009, the trial court decision was reversed. The New York Court of Appeals then accepted the case for appeal. Many prominent legal and child welfare experts have filed friend-of-the-court briefs on Debra’s side, including the New York State Bar Association, the New York City Bar Association, the National Association of Social Workers, and 45 family law professors on the faculty of every law school in New York State.

The child’s court-appointed attorney also asked the court to give Debra the opportunity to protect their relationship.

“This boy needs his mother. New York should apply long-established law recognizing and protecting the parent-child relationships of children reared by parents with no biological ties. We hope for a high court decision that will save this six-year-old child from the tragic loss of his mother and bring the law in line with the reality for many New York families,” said Sommer.

Susan Sommer argued the appeal on behalf of Debra. She is joined by co-counsel Bonnie Rabin and Orrit Hershkovitz of Cohen, Hennessey, Bienstock & Rabin, P.C. Debra’s son is represented by Anthony Parisi, III and counsel Jennifer Colyer of Fried, Frank, Harris, Shriver & Jacobson LLP, who argued the case in the Court of Appeals.

The case is Debra H. v. Janice R.

Melanie Nathan

Posted by Melanie Nathan,
nathan@privatecourts.com ;
www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com

Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I will be dishing out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career, family and fashion issues. Are your friends tired of trying to come up with the solutions to your problems? Are your friends the problem? Did your mom surprise you with a date with the nice guy at her office? I’m here to help!

Dear Femme,

Well, I’m bi but pretty much have given up on men. I’m looking for a good woman that wants what I have to offer and who isn’t going to hurt me like most women do! I’m so sick and tired of being hurt, I don’t deserve it! I’m a good woman, I truly am! You give advice so please give me some.

-Giving Up

Hello GU,

Don’t give up! I’m sure you are a good woman and you deserve someone who will love and respect you, whether that person be male or female. I would never tell someone to ‘give up’ on one sex, however, from reading between the lines of your letter, I get the sense that you want to explore your options with women more then men at this point in your life. So do it! First, you have to change your attitude. Don’t assume that all women out there are going to hurt you.

No one can avoid being hurt, but I want to share with you some tips that might help minimize the risk.

1)      Be Selective- Choose dates with women who have positive qualities. Does she seem honest and open? Is she a great mom or caring with animals? Does she blame others for all her problems or does she take responsibility for her situation? Also, nix anyone who talks about how badly their ex treated them on the first date. That’s a huge warning sign that she may be bitter and bitter people can’t be in a healthy relationship until they deal with their own issues.

2)      Trust your gut instinct. If you are on a first or second date and you get a bad feeling about the person you are with, trust yourself. End the date and find someone new.

Good luck GU and let me know how everything works out!

Dear Femme,

Is it possible for a married woman who has never been with another woman to all of a sudden want to be with a woman?

Help!

Dear Help!,

YES! I don’t know which party you are in this mess, and it is a messy situation, but this is possible. Due to the taboo of being gay, many women are coming out later in life or after they have already married a man. Because of increasing gay visibility and acceptance, women who may have never let themselves understand their attraction towards other women are starting self realize. If you like, send me a follow up question with more details!  

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

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Rumors that Hollywood’s first lesbian power couple is breaking up are flying around the internet. Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels Etheridge are the ultimate lesbian couple. They married in 2003 and Tammy gave birth to their twins in 2006. They also have two children from Melissa’s previous relationship. The two women have always been gracious celebrities, kind to their fans, the media and their fellow celebrities. However, they may not be being so kind to each other. Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton tweeted yesterday:

Trouble with Melissa Etheridge and her wife Tammy? I’m hearing so.

The problem with this tweet is that the source is probably Tammy herself. Tammy keeps a blog http://hollywoodfarmgirl.blogspot.com/ where she has been posting some really shady posts. The posts are really veiled, passive agressive attacks on Melissa. One post says:

people treat you the way you treat yourself
so if you are the type to put the oxygen mask on someone else, before yourself
they won’t put the mask on you, they’ll take care of themselves first, taking their cue
from you and your prior actions

if you give and give and give and take care of someone
until plenty spill-eth over-th
then why should your partner give any more?
you’ve given enough for both?

Tammy also took down a post she put up yesterday that is even more condemming:

well here she sits
the truth eating at the flesh like acetone to fake nails
melting
disfiguring disforming
soon she’ll be handicapped from all this withholding
all this restraint
to save what? for why?
how unpopular
to voice the truth that does not match the super hero
the cape
the theme song
the tv show
the movie
the image
she wonder how long one thinks she will swallow
one’s comings and goings
and say nothing

My first problem with these posts is that this is really awful poetry. Like, borderline illiterate poetry. My second problem is that I (and celebrity bloggers in general) will be put on blast for perpetuating these break up rumors of everyone’s favorite couple. But, Tammy is bringing this on herself. She is putting her relationship problems on the website. She is attacking the partner that she has built a life with and is raising children with, online for the world to see. It’s childish. It’s vindictive. Tammy knows exactly what she is doing. She knew that people would catch onto her whining and start broadcasting the rumors. Maybe this is a ploy to gain some media attention to herself and Melissa, but most likely it’s a call for sympathy. I’m not going to cry for poor Tammy who sits at home alone while Melissa is out singing to hot women. If Tammy has a problem, she should put her big girl panties on and deal with it privately, with her wife, not with the entire world.

UPDATE: As of 4/14/2010- Etheridge and Michaels have ended their 9 year relationship.

UPDATE: 4/25/2010- On Friday Melissa Etheridge appeared on Oprah and stated that the breakup was “as mutual as these things can be.” She also stated that she will always love Tammy as the mother of her children. She quipped, “I don’t know why people say there is no gay marriage because I have two ex-wives.” Tammy responded to this on her blog, writing:

this will be the only place
where you will get the truth
Hollywood Farm Girl
is the only one
who gets
it right
who won’t spin
won’t lie
won’t act like there was
drifting
and that’s all.

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02/08/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

The Samantha Ronson/Lindsay Lohan romance has been off for a few months now. There have been reports of Lohan dating men, even another DJ that Ronson is acquainted with. When Ronson was asked by paparazzi how she felt about that, she wished Lohan luck with her new romance. Over the past two weeks, there has been more reports of Lohan’s erratic behavior when it comes to Ronson. First, Ronson asked paparazzi if Lohan was sending them after her on purpose. Given Lohan’s relationship with the paparazzi, this seems possible. Also, witnesses at clubs say that Lohan has been grinding with other women in front of Ronson, to try and make her jealous. Lohan has thrown a drink in Ronson’s face and Ronson herself admitted that she got kicked out of a club because Lohan kept flicking cigarette butts at her.

Despite the witnessed violent behavior from Lohan towards Ronson, Lohan is claiming that Ronson is the one who has been throwing the punches, literally. A source has exclusively spoken to Radaronline.com saying:

One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head,” the source told RadarOnline.com. “She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her.

“She also said that Sam even punched and choked her one time.”

Ronson has not responded to these allegations. However, they seem out of character for the lesbian DJ, who kept a low profile before her romance with Lohan. No past girlfriends of Ronson’s have come forward to verify this type of behavior on Ronson’s part. I would assume that they are false until proven, because that is the kind of rumor that can ruin someone’s life. Domestic abuse accusations aren’t something one should participate in out of anger towards an ex-girlfriend.

These accusations are very serious. Abuse by a partner is a huge issue and shouldn’t be taken lightly. The LBQ community doesn’t necessarily embrace an open dialogue about domestic violence or rape within our own community, but it happens. Let’s hope that in this case, where there is smoke there isn’t fire.

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02/08/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

Rachel Maddow wants you to know that she is not getting married. Maddow is currently living with her long term partner, artist Susan Mikula. Maddow and Mikula met when Maddow was a grad student. Maddow shoveled Mikula’s driveway…among other things.

Maddow said in an interview today:

“This spring, we will have been together for 11 years, and our relationship is serious and happy, mature, monogamous. We like having the right…but we’re making our own decision about whether we should exercise it.”

I don’t want to delve into the validity of Maddow’s relationship. However, statements such as these generally occur right before the couple in question breaks up. This applies to gay or straight relationships. Ladies, feel free to get your hopes up.

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 San Diego Police Department conducted a welfare check at an apartment where officers found two bodies around in an apparent murder suicide.  

 GLTNN reports that the two bodies found were Eric Schulthise, a SeaWorld employee and Robert “Bob” Agnew, a former Naval Academy instructor. The respected and well-liked Schulthise was a regular in the Bear community, attending many fundraisers and events throughout the city. He was also a frequent go-go dancer at Bacchus House Bear Night. Schulthise and Agnew dated off and on from September through December 2009.

 According to the San Diego Union-Tribune, SDPD confirmed that a gun was found in the apartment. Homicide Detectives are investigating further.

 Fox also reported that neighbors have witnessed the two men arguing in front of the complex. Gun shots were heard and reported but it seems that the Police may not have shown up until a day later. 

 The deaths of both Schulthise and Agnew have stunned and deeply saddened many in the San Diego community. Since the news was reported, Schulthise’s Facebook page has been flooded with messages of condolence from people everywhere. Those close to both men were aware that the one-time couple had relationship troubles that eventually led to their break-up in mid-December.

SDPD has not yet released details on the murder-suicide investigation. GLTNN has learned from sources close to both men that a three-page suicide note was left, addressed to one of the men’s roommates.  We will report further developments as updates in this breaking news story on this same post on this site. Interested readers should subscribe to these comments and posts. 

 By Melanie Nathan nathan@privatecourts.com

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Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I will be dishing out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career, family and fashion issues. Are your friends tired of trying to come up with the solutions to your problems? Are your friends the problem? Did your mom surprise you with a date with the nice guy at her office? I’m here to help!

 Dear Femme,

My name is J* and I have been dating this girl named A for like 10 month. When we first started dating I knew she didn’t want a relationship. At that time I didn’t either I was just picking myself up from a bad situation with school. At the time we were talking she was talking to another girl that seemed to be there first, she faded away because of her jealousy and now they are friends. A soon after lost her job and I supported her. Things got better and we started to be intimate and feelings grew. Then A said that it felt too much like a relationship and she didn’t want it. We said we loved each other and I told her I wanted us to be together and this made her mad and now we aren’t speaking. I want to be with her but I don’t know if I’m living in a dream world and refuse to see that she doesn’t want me or if what she is asking is for the best for me and her.

Hello J,

Thanks for writing in. I’m sorry about your situation with A, it sounds like she is sending you a lot of mixed signals. It’s not right for her to continue your intimate relationship when she knows you want it to be more than just sex. So, J, you will have to be the one to walk away from this before you invest more time, energy and apparently, cash. You have showed A that you are a generous, caring person. A is not into you, she is leading you on and playing games with you. Cut your losses, move on. Find a girl who wants a relationship, has a steady job and will appreciate your many great qualities. I’m sure it’s A’s loss, not yours! Good luck and let me know how it turns out.

Dear Femme,

S*

Hello S,

Thanks for writing in. There is a lot going on in this question, but I think there is a very clear answer. You write that you want to break up or separate but your girlfriend doesn’t want to. That doesn’t matter. If you want to be single, she doesn’t get a say. Tell her very firmly that you don’t desire a relationship any longer, that you want to be single so that you can have fun and that you will decide upon a fair way to split your shared assets. Please don’t lead your girlfriend on because you “like having her around the house.” She needs to get out of the house, learn how to support herself and find someone who will love her, value her and be monogamous with her. Staying together isn’t fair to either one of you.

Good luck S and let me know how it works out.
     
Dear Femme,

I’d like to know, who the fem is behind this column? BTW I am bored. I’m hardly bored but I am rested and have nothing to do right now. I guess that is my problem.

Curious

Hello Curious,

If you want to know who I am, you can check out my LGR profile. http://lezgetreal.com/?p=21624  

I’m sorry that you are bored. But there are TONS of things you can do.

Go for a walk

Go to the gym

Call an old friend

Call a family member you miss

Text your crush

Hang out in your local coffee shop and smile at cute girls

 Write a short story

Write a novel

Clean your apartment

Go shopping

Enroll in a cooking class

Go to the library and smile at the cute girls

Check out the rest of the great articles on Lez Get Real!

Good luck Curious and let me know what you ended up doing!

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

*Names have been changed

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Miller had withheld Isabella from seeing Jenkins, disregarding the Court ordered visitation. The child, born of the Civil Union between the moms, has been registered as a missing child with the National Center for Missing Children since Miller failed to show up for a handing over of custody.

“ All I want,” says Jenkins, “is a healthy relationship with my child. You don’t just drop a parent and walk away. I believe the church is involved in hiding her. It is barbaric to suggest that 2 moms can’t raise child”

They split when Isabella was 17 months old. Lisa Miller went to Virginia, and the moms entered into an amicable custody plan, with Jenkins driving 8 hour journeys to be with Isabella over weekend. Lisa became an ex-gay born again, and suddenly Jenkins was a sinner.

For the first time we were able to see the authenticity (not that I ever doubted it) of Jenkins’ side, through her expressions of longing and resolve. Janet Jenkins has been through hell and one can only imagine what the child has suffered.

Let us start with the day that Lisa Miller, born again Christian ex-lesbian, embraced and towed at the nose by the remnants of Jerry Farwell via Liberty Church, et al – decided that the other mother, Jenkins was no longer worthy and in Jenkins words “Suddenly I was a sinner.” “She made Isabella call me by my first name instead of mommy.”

With Christian supporting groups claiming that Miller is the perfect mother, what decent parent would subject their own child to a sudden removal, which a child perceives as abandonment, from a parent the child has known and loved from the day the child was born. The child felt pain at that parting- what kind of mother allows that to happen? Based on that alone, Jenkins deserves her custody and the child deserves a rational parent who does not place her need above that of the child.

After hearing Janet Jenkins speak and seeing the Videos on TV, I became more entrenched in my stance, that Miller is not a worthy parent – and that is how the Courts see such severe cases of parental alienation as well – that is why the Courts are perfectly correct to take the child and give her to the one parent that probably would never have alienated the child from the other.

Lisa Miller has got what she deserved. But Isabelle must suffer a loss yet again – simply because of the incompetency of her mother to acknowledge the orders of the Court. The injustice and deprivation of the relationship between Isabella and her mother cannot be rewarded in any way. That is why Miller has lost custody. Biology does not factor in here. These moms had an established relationship and decided to inseminate together.

Any reader who has gone through this process, as a non-bio mom in a lesbian couple knows what an intense process it is and the leap of faith in is to allow the other mother to carry the child, may not seem as such at the time, when in good faith and love it is procure as a act for both parents. But in all cases both lesbian moms really want their baby and trust in the shared parenthood. To simply decide that a mother is not a mother anymore is absolutely heart wrenching and unconscionable on every level.

“I am looking for my daughter and whenever the phone rings I expect it is someone telling me where she is at.” She reminisced that having the baby was “the best high in the world,” as a picture of her beaming face next to the newly born Isabella came up on the screen.

Judge Cohen, Vermont Superior Court in Rutland, has given Lisa until 2/23 to return the child or she could be arrested for contempt. Jenkins is seriously concerned for Isabella’s well being, remarking, “ Lisa is dangerous, vulnerable and desperate and capable of anything.”

“I will not give up,” said Jenkins and Isabella will come home – her room and Christmas gifts are here waiting for her.”

Anyone with information regarding Isabella’s and Lisa’s whereabouts is asked to call the Center for Missing and Exploited Children at 1-800-843-5678 or the Bedford County Sheriff’s Office at 540-586-4800.

By Melanie Nathan
Nathan@privatecourts.com
www.privatecourts.com

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Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I will be dishing out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career, family and fashion issues. Are your friends tired of trying to come up with the solutions to your problems? Are your friends the problem? Did your mom surprise you with a date with the nice guy at her office? I’m here to help!Dear Femme,

I’m trying online dating for the first time and I’m so overwhelmed. I get tons of messages that I don’t have time to reply to and it seems like every time I go online I get instant messaged. I have been on one date and it was a total bust. There is another girl from the site I am talking to, but I don’t think she’s my type. I think I am just going to give up. I have a full time career, a large circle of friends and family and volunteer in my free time. I just don’t think I have time to devote to this anymore. What do you think?

Online Bust

Hi OB,

Thanks for writing! First of all, don’t be overwhelmed. This process is supposed to be fun and exciting, not stressful! Take a deep breath and remember why you joined an online dating service in the first place, to meet someone who has the same interests as you. So carve out a chunk of time, turn off your cell phone, turn off the tv, hide your online status and go through your messages. Delete the ones that you think you won’t have any chemistry with, either for physical reasons or grammatical ones. Write back to the ones you like.  

The next step is to browse. Don’t let other women choose you, find women you would choose for yourself. Send them each a personalized message based on the interests you share. Don’t just copy and paste the same message over and over. By doing this you will take control of the situation and you will feel more proactive and less overwhelmed.

The last step, don’t talk to either the girl you met in person or the girl you are talking to. Don’t waste your time or theirs.  Good luck and let me know if you meet anyone!

Dear Femme,

I’ve been single for two years. It seems like every time I start dating someone, things go smoothly for one or two months and then she just disappears! I don’t get it. I don’t have sex with anyone until I think they are really interested (definitely not on the first date!) and everything always seems to be fine until the other person stops returning my calls. I’m not a needy person, I don’t call or text my dates every five minutes but I pay enough attention for them to know I am interested. What am I doing wrong? Thanks for your help!

Two Month Chump

Hi TMC,

Thanks for writing! I’m sorry to hear about your predicament, it’s a pretty tricky situation. I don’t know much about you, but I’m going to try to give you the best advice possible.  There are several different possibilities.

1)      It’s not you, it’s them: What type of women are you choosing to date? What is the common thread? Do you tend to choose women who have just gotten out of long-term relationships? Do you gravitate towards women who aren’t looking for a long term partner?  Try to find out on the first or second date if your date is emotionally available or just looking for a good time. Usually you can just trust your instincts on this one. If she starts crying into her ice cream about her ex-girlfriend, she’s probably not ready to date anyone seriously.

2)      It’s not them, it’s you: What signals do you send to your dates? Are you sending them “friend zone” signals? Do come across as not wanting to be in a long-term relationship? Listen to yourself when you talk, do you talk about your ex too much? Do you talk about traveling the world with no ties or commitments to anyone or anything? These are red flags to girls who are looking to settle down with someone. If a month has passed and the girl is still around, talk about a future that applies to both of you.

Good luck, TMC and let me know if it works!

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

It’s starting to get a little bit bizarre. I have checked the weather forecast in Hell and apparently it’s a tad chilly. Republicans all over the place are coming out in favour of gay marriage. It doesn’t sound right, but there it is. Can opened, worms everywhere. Awesome, gay-rights-supporting worms.

I mean, a while back, Dick Cheney answered a question about marriage equality by saying, “freedom means freedom for everyone.” But he has a gay daughter, and you can expect someone to gain some perspective from that.

And then there is Meghan McCain. While not overly popular with the Repulican old guard, she’s a poster girl for the new wave of younger, more secular Republicans and she is vehemently pro-gay rights. And yesterday, her mother, Cindy McCain, came out as a supporter of marriage equality as well.

Margaret Hoover, Fox News Contributor, also wrote a blog post in favour of same-sex marraige rights. She writes,

“I’m joining this effort as a representative of a new generation of Republicans whose conservatism consistently emphasizes individual freedom and recognizes the constitutional right of all Americans to marry.”

We also have Ted Olson on our side. As Rachel Maddow reported just the other day, the high profile conservative lawyer has decided to fight to defeat California’s Proposition 8.

Rachel Maddow on Ted Olson’s fight for marriage equality (MSNBC video)

So, can we expect to see some Democrats supporting marriage equality? Obama? Hello? Can you hear us?

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by  Melanie Nathan;     ’We have been reporting that ex-lesbian Lisa Miller failed to show up to hand over the child to her ex partner, custodial mom, Janet Jenkins as ordered by a Vermont Court Judge.  Miller’s contempt proceeding will be heard in Vermont this week.  If the Judge orders Ms. Miller in contempt, then I guess (this is for you Debbie Thurman) that you prayers worked.    I am sure the Judge does not take kindly to his orders being abused.   Ms. Miller’s game must come to an end. She is using the Court System in a way that is simply unconscionable.

 Is the Liberty Groups, Attorneys for Miller, and Thurman and ex-lesbian groups  receiving Miller’s instruction and where and how? Are they aiding and abetting this commission of contempt? 

 Ms. Miller is trying to pave her way to the Supremes for help – but I personally do not believe there is any landmark to be made from mere religious fervor such as this.

 From LGR we say – Lisa – We urge you to come out of the forest and into the light – bring Isabella to Court this week, so you can hand her over to Janet at Court, instead of going through the contempt proceding.  There is always a chance to make amends and work towards a happier situation.

By Melanie Nathan, nathan@privatecourts.com

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Image by Aleksandr Slyadnev via Flickr

Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I will be dishing out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career, family and fashion issues. Are your friends tired of trying to come up with the solutions to your problems? Are your friends the problem? Did your mom surprise you with a date with the nice guy at her office? I’m here to help!

Dear Femme,

I’m 23 but I look like I’m no older then 15. Cause of my looks I have trouble attracting older women. I don’t wear makeup and I don’t want to change my appearance for anyone. I like myself and the way I look. Have any advice?

Not Jail Bait!

Hi NJB,

Thanks for writing in! I’m glad that you have confidence in yourself. I would never tell anyone to wear make-up or to change themselves to conform to our society’s definition of feminine. However, I get the sense from your email that you are holding yourself back a little. If you want to get the message across to women that you are of age, some kind of change will have to be made on your end.

Instead of changing your style, why don’t you try upgrading your style? If you love t-shirts, go for ones with a more vintage theme or sexier cut.  Victoria Secret has some great stretchy tanks and tees that look sexy and comfortable. If you love jeans, go for a darker wash and avoid embellishments like butterflies and flowers. Also, avoid clothing in bright, primary colors, those will make you look even younger. Have fun with it! Good Luck, NJB. I hope this helps and keep in touch.  

Dear Femme, 

I’m an Asian lesbian in my 30’s and I’ve been single for almost a year. I can’t seem to find that special woman who I feel physically and emotionally attracted too and who feels the same about me. I was always in a relationship in my 20’s and felt the need to be intimate with someone but in my 30’s. I no longer need to fullfill that sexual need. I also find it harder as I get older to find a partner. I moved to another state for a partner I trusted. But she left me for a man who was her best friend and whom I also believed was my friend. I believe lesbian relationships don’t last and have begun to feel jaded. I don’t like to feel lonely and hate sleeping alone but can’t seem to find a woman that I can feel intimate attracted too and safe with. Please help, thanks.

Azn

Hi Azn,

Thanks for writing in! There is a lot going on here. You have had a bad experience and I’m sorry for that. You placed your trust in the wrong person, changed your life for her and she betrayed you and it sucks. But you need to move on. Being single for a year isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you, it’s not even that long to be single! It seems as though you have already starting thinking about your internal needs and what you want from a partner. I’m going to suggest that you continue to learn about yourself and worry less about not having a partner. Put finding love on hold for a little while, go out and have fun. Don’t stay home and feel sorry for yourself, join a gym, take cooking or art classes, drink your coffee at a café instead of at home. While you are out doing things and learning to love being alone, the right woman will come along. But you won’t meet her if you are at home hiding under the covers and crying over someone who didn’t deserve you.  

Also, you should keep in mind that just because your former love left you for a man, not all women will do that to you. Lesbian relationships change and there is as much drama, betrayal, love, affection and longevity as there is in any relationship, gay or straight. Good Luck, Azn. I hope this helps and keep in touch.  

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

While Prop 8 ‘ers thought we would go away, all that they effectively accomplished was to stop marriages from taking place in the Cities and Counties of California. The impact of this new legislation is to establish equal treatment for same-sex spouses, regardless of where they were legally married or will be in the future. Which means that the end result of Prop 8’s impact is on the economy.  California stood to make millions of dollars and the losers are the businesses.  So whomever of you voted for prop 8, and thought you had taken away our rights, you are dead wrong.   I hope you realize that in essence you lost because we have many places to go and get married. 

 Because now by virtue of this new law which took effect today,  even though we cannot tie the knot in California, if we are married in another State or Country, we will be treated as if we are married once back home in California.

There is nothing stopping us from marrying elsewhere and then coming home where we will now have the much needed protections and will be treated like any other married couple.   Ultimately, however,  we must restor marriage because we deserve and ought to have our equality in headlights, not masked by the rescue of legislation that still sts us a part. Thanks to Mark Leno for his leadership on this Act.

Bill Number: SB 54
This bill would clarify California family law to explicitly recognize marriages of same-sex couples performed out-of-state prior to November 5, 2008. The bill would also explicitly recognize marriages of same-sex couples performed out-of-state after that date as carrying all the same rights and responsibilities that spouses receive although without the designation of marriage.

Posted by Melanie Nathan.
nathan@privatecourts.com

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Debbie Thurman

 Posted by Melanie Nathan, 11.05 p.pm PST  1/1/10

  Lisa Miller, ‘ex-lesbian,’ has fled from her legal obligation to hand her daughter over to the custodial parent Janet Jenkins. She has disappeared with the child and all the while egged on by a very righteous bunch of  Christians who deem their interpretation of the Bible superior to civil law of the United States of America.  See my colleague,  Bridgette P. LaVictoire, Ex-Lesbian” Lisa Miller Fails To Hand Over Custody of Isabella To Janet Jenkins Written on 1 Jan, 2010 at 16:05 

Ex-gay proponent,  disguised as mental health expert, Debbie Thurman, creator of a support group, today cheered the disappearance of Miller sometime earlier this Thurman’s blog called this apparent kidnapping an example of “true motherhood”:

Thurman’s BLOG clearly sought to aid and abet the criminal act of Lisa Miller, spurring her along with prayer () and G-d knows what else,  and now guess what like Miller Thurman’s BLOG has done its own disappearing Act, clear evidence of her assistance and encouragement of the sacrificial lamb Miller,  to commit a crime.

I kept a copy of her website BLOG because I knew that when today came if Miller would fail to hand over the child as ordered by a Vermont Judge, Cohen, , Thurman would be compelled to take her BLOG, evidence of her crime, down.  SO if the FEDS want me as a witness I am ready willing and able. There are hundreds of LGBT bloggers out there who have been reporting on this for some time. I am sure they too would be willing to provide any evidence that the Blogosphere may have produced.

It is about time that religions interference and stepping on civil law is exposed for what it is.  The LGBT community is ready to be active when the civil law discriminates and now we are ready to be good citizens to urge the upholding of the civil law when it is broken; and to add insult to injury broken in the name of Jesus.  

The Christian right has no authority to circumvent the  law of this country.  This is the perfect example of the danger in failing to honor the boundary between Church and State. This failure to separate the two and invoke the Bible in place of the law of the land would serve to give us license to stone adulterers, and you all know the rest of what the bible has to say.

This is what Debbie  Thurman’s now missing Post says about now missing Miller :

“Were I in Lisa’s shoes, I could only hope to have the faith and courage she has displayed for the past six years. …

Lisa obeyed God in seeking to raise Isabella in the Christian faith. Isabella learned Scripture, apologetics and the art of prayer at her mother’s knee and in church, to the extent that she found her Christian school Bible classes boring and “childish.” This is an intelligent, precocious 7-year-old, who knows her mind and can speak it. She would have given Janet Jenkins nightmares had she consented to live under the same roof.

I cannot answer the burning question on everyone’s lips: Where are Lisa and Isabella? Somewhere safe, I pray. How and when did they get there? Only God knows. ..

What happens now? A lot of frustration, recrimination and more lies on one side and a collective sigh of relief on the other. The courts still have a huge task set before them, meanwhile. Lisa and Isabella represent only one of many similar cases waiting to be resolved. We need precedents that honor the prevailing states’ rights, laws and constitutions. The majority of Americans overwhelmingly support traditional marriage. If the tyrannical minority wants to push against that, it can and will be met with civil disobedience. There is no other way.

Lisa Miller is a mother who would give up her life to save her child. Of that there is no doubt. She apparently has chosen to forfeit a large measure of her liberty, personal property and pursuit of happiness in assuring that child her God-ordained future, much as a group of patriots pledged their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor more than two centuries ago to establish this nation.

I say God bless and long live Lisa and Isabella Miller. All who have known them are the better for it.

Thurman’s statement seems to confirm allegations that Miller is being used by Thurman and Christian Rightists at the Liberty Counsel as a test case for their Manhattan Declaration, which is a vow to violate any law that fundamentalists happen to disagree with.

MMM, what do you all think?  So go to her BLOG site http://theformers.wordpress.com/2009/12/30/this-is-true-motherhood/

and you will see nada gone bye bye!

And  then there is this guy who ought to be subpoenaed too.

“ I pray,” says  Drew Taggart  “people ‘along the way’ are brave enough and smart enough to render the necessary assistance to Lisa and Isabella so this girl can be raised in a healthy environment. I just hope Lisa did her homework and did this disappearing act properly.”

In a subsequent defense of this statement, Taggart says:

I doubt she’ll ever see a day of jail. Once word of this gets out, millions of people are going to be outraged. And there are plenty of local and a few state law enforcement agencies around the country, who will not waste a minute trying to find her. William Cohen is a leftwing hack and this ruling is a joke. Without the support of law enforcement, especially wherever Lisa opts to call her new home, this ruling is going nowhere.

So back to my having copied the  now barren BLOG as a keepsake, I find the comments  here revealed to show  this Mr. Taggert that sentiment is not always anti-gay but that we have a way of being on the side of what is fair and correct  and average Americans have no problem seeing the danger in what you preach.

Comments from Thurmans now missing BLOG:-

” Surely there are similar precedents to draw upon involving hetro couples. Namely, situations where the mother’s male partner/husband is not the biological father, and has not adopted the child, but at some point had a supportive relationship to the child as a stepfather.

Comment by Priya Lynn — December 30, 2009 @ 2:32 pm“

I can think of anecdotal cases involving people I’ve known (in which case the former stepfather has no rights), but I’m not a legal scholar so I’d appreciate any info on the matter. Anyone?

Comment by Brad — December 30, 2009 @ 12:02 pm

If a warrant is issued for her arrest, anyone providing her with assistance would be aiding a fugitive. Somehow I doubt Debbie Thurman wants to do state or federal time. Since the State of Virginia is now supporting the Vermont Court as they are required, I would guess that Miller would flee south (perhaps even to Mexico). If anyone helps Miller flee Virginia, they are looking at federal penalties. Judges hold a dim view of those who flout court rulings. I wouldn’t expect much leniency in sentencing.

Comment by John — December 30, 2009 @ 1:12 pm

Unbelievably someone on the page made sense in pointing out that Miller hasn’t put herself in a good position and being on the run actually hurts Isabella.

Comment by a. mcewen — December 30, 2009 @ 1:15 pm

So much for Thurman’s lame excuse that she didn’t give Miller any legal advice. Always knew you were a BS’er Debbie, thanks for coming out of the closet and admitting it.

Comment by Priya Lynn — December 30, 2009 @ 1:29 pm

If Miller does not comply with the law and wants to play martyr – I say fine. She can send a few years handcuffed and locked in the can to think about the sin of kidnapping.

What Miller is doing is not holy. She is a poor role model who is mentally abusing her child. There will likely be massive shrink bills in the future for Isabella, thanks to Miller.

Her lawlessness is not to be compared to our nation’s founders. It is criminal behavior, profoundly irresponsible and deeply immoral. It disgusts me that these frauds are cynically co-opting American symbols in their politically based criminality.

It is a shame that Miller allowed herself to be used as a pawn in the Culture War Syndicate. I doubt her friends will visit her much in the hoosegow once she is no longer useful to their political games.

Comment by Wayne Besen — December 30, 2009 @ 1:52 pm

“So much for Thurman’s lame excuse that she didn’t give Miller any legal advice. Always knew you were a BS’er Debbie, thanks for coming out of the closet and admitting it.”

   And you are deducing this how, exactly?

Comment by Debbie Thurman — December 30, 2009 @ 2:24 pm

You really are a piece of work Debbie. You just admitted the truth in your own blog, praising miller for the kidnapping, calling it “true motherhood”. Now of course in your Christian world where black is white and bad is good, you’ll have some pathetic excuse for how your actions are really the opposite of what you’ve done, but we’re not stupid and we’re not buying any of your BS. “ 

Comment by Priya Lynn — December 30, 2009 @ 2:32 pm

THURMANS WEBSITE  is located at http://debbiethurman.com/dt_files/aboutdebbie.php 

Last but not least important, I am urging the FEDS to investigate the Liberty Council, Debbie Thurman, Taggart, et al to see just how Ms Miller has financed her escape… Check the Banks and there is likely to be a trail and who knows that trail might lead to Isabella.

At the same time I urge Ms Miller to turn the child in, the damage is done and your only chance of leniency is that once you have done so you may be reprieved.  I urge also the Christian Ministries involved or not involved to encourage Ms. Miller to subvert the Manhatten Declaration and to obey the Civil Law especially those of you who may be implicated in this.  If you do turn yourself in pronto,  you may find a willing Judge let go of having you do time.  That would be a lot better for Isabella.    A good mediator may then help you with some supervised visitation, once Janet decides she is comfortable with such.  Or do you prefer Jail visits for Isabella?

Blogged by Melanie Nathan: nathan@privatecourts.com
www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com

The site also noted that O’Donnell’s new love is a writer who created the non-profit organization Open Arms Campaign, a non-profit volunteer organization dedicated to the recruitment of foster and adoptive homes. She also invented the Sleep Tight Wedge, a slumbering aid for infants.

www.People.com quote:

‘Like O’Donnell, Kachtick-Anders is active in lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender parenting and adoption issues. She launched Open Arms Campaign, a non-profit organization to recruit and foster adoptive families that targets the LGBT community. “I have become an activist and work to educate everyone, not only about the plight of foster children,” she wrote on TheRainbowBabies.com, “but also the inequality that faces LGBT people in their quest to create families.” Kachtick-Anders has six children, five of whom are adopted, according to the Examiner.com.

O’Donnell, meanwhile, is gearing up for the airing on HBO in late January of A Family Is A Family Is A Family: A Rosie O’Donnell Celebration, a documentary that challenges the traditional ideas of family.”

Posted by Melanie Nathan
Nathan@privatecourts.com
 www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com

It’s easy, I think, for women in sensible shoes (and those in spectacular shoes too) to spend their days and evenings and nights at productive tasks. And when there is free time, there’s always that Judith Butler book beside the bed, on top of several dozen other books you really do want to read. At the end of the day, sex can seem like just one more book you really do want to read, and despite knowing the (um, literary) joy that awaits, you just never find the time.

To encourage everyone to get around to the all-important (ahem) reading, I’ve come up with some suggestions.

First, for those of you who find conflicting monthly cycles a frustration, learn to love menstrual cups. Sure, there are things you can’t do with them inserted, but you can do quite a lot. It’s mess-less and unlike tampons, menstral cups don’t absorb your natural lubrication. You can get mooncups online and at chemists.

Next, and I know it sounds trite, but “date night” is a must for all couples. Make reservations, and a special effort to look your best. Tell her how amazing she looks, and turn your phone on silent so you won’t be distracted from focusing on her all evening. (Yes, you have to leave the house. Takeaway is not a date. Also, if any portion of your food is served in paper or you eat with plastic utensils, it doesn’t count.) And yes, it’s sort of like scheduling sex, and isn’t very spontaneous. But I assure you, the more often you “hit that” (even scheduled), the more likely you are to “hit that” unexpectedly on a rainy Sunday afternoon… in the car.

You could always brighten the work day, and set the stage for the evening’s entertainment by texting your beloved that you are indeed wearing that daring lingerie she bought you for your birthday.

And kids, Melissa Etheridge recommends role-play. That’s right.

Baby whatcha doing tonight
I’ll go anywhere that you wanna go
I’ll jump into my car
Go down to that bar
Pretend I’m someone that you don’t know

(”Kiss Me” from her album Lucky)

Who am I to argue? Really though, you might find that pretending helps remove the more mundane conversation points. If you have only just met, you don’t need to discuss the dog’s most recent stomach troubles, now do you? Who would say that to someone they had just met? Melissa Etheridge is indeed a wise lesbian.

And finally, get some inspiration. Whether it comes from some raunchy fanfiction, BBC historical dramas, a Rachel Maddow podcast, women’s tennis highlights or simply vivid daydreams of a friskier time, inspiration is the beginning of your mutual perspiration.

Cross posted via gaelick.

CanuckJacq is a thirty-something, married, Canadian lesbian, living in Mullingar, Ireland which means she never get to go to a gay bar. Some of her interests include politics, technology, all things gay/queer/trans, art, cooking, cats and dogs. If you need to find her (virtually of course), she can almost always be found tweeting as @CanuckJacq.

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The Holidays can be a great time of the year… but sometime… if you are in a new committed lesbian relationship… after you’ve gone over the river and through the woods to grandma house… you might have just a bit of ‘splainin to do and a lot of questions…

Jessica Clark & Lacey Stone tackle the festive season. Whose house should we go to… How do we handle the awkwardness… Can we sleep in the same bed?

Lesbian Love The Festive Season from lacey stone on Vimeo.

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The three judge panel of the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals looks like they will reverse Judge Walker’s orders that the Prop 8 campaign hand over internal communications to the Olson/Boies team who is challenging the discriminatory initiative in federal court.

Judges Kim Wardlaw, Raymond Fisher and Marsha Berzon, who were all appointed to the court by former President Bill Clinton, said proponents “have made a strong showing that they are likely to succeed” in their Tuesday arguments that their private communications were protected under the First Amendment. The judges said they will issue a ruling soon, but in the meantime, have stayed Walker’s order. See full order posted in full below.

The ACLU, in a unusual move, issued an amicus brief, siding with the Prop 8 proponents despite the fact that they campaigned against the initiative.

You can read more at www.unitethefight.org.

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 The people of New York State are not against Gay marriage, yet its representatives are; how does one explain such a phenomenon?  The deliberate duplicity of the eight democrats who voted ‘no’ was characterized by Senator Tom Duane as pure betrayal – and the infringing eight are:-

1. Joseph Addabbo (D) (518) 455-2322; 
2. Darrel Aubertine (D) (518) 455-2761;
3. Ruben Diaz (D) (518) 455-2511; 
4. Shirley Huntley (D) (518) 455-3531;
5. Carl Kruger (D) (518) 455-2460; 
6. Hiram Monserrate (D) (518) 455-2529;
7. George Onorato (D) (518) 455-3486; 
8. William Stachowski (D) (518)-455-2426.

CNN reports that the Marist College poll released the same day as Senate vote finds that a majority of New Yorkers support marriage equality at 51-42%.   It is quite ironic that their representatives left their spines at home the day of the vote. They chose to vote NO contrary to their supposed democratic ideals, regardless of fairness for their constituents, and in defiance of colleagues. What can they be afraid of if they are not fearful of re-election? Their ‘no’ votes will not please constituents, given the polls. Could it be a concomitant of their respective personal beliefs – anti-gay; anti-equality; church bonded, some bog donor dangling some big carrot?  I suggest that all the 51 % pro same-sex marriage supporters censure this disdainful crew, through the withdrawal of all support, to the point of bye-bye political careers.  Instead of assisting to make history in the interests of equality this group of schmendricks are now ensconced in the RAINBOW HALL OF SHAME.

 Anger aside, what is truly most hurtful to me is my own ebbing trust; a tide that is pulling me farther and farther out to sea and with every “NO you cannot,” my wedding cake icing, “Yes We Can” flails in its hopeless glaze, as my excruciating retort from the failure of the Democratic Party to hone a faithful and authentic crew, edges to that part of the ocean that slips beyond the horizon. 

 In viewing the roll, every single Republican voted NO – not one of them out of their usual and profoundly effective lock step. Reminiscent of Rex Harrison during ‘My Fair Lady’, “Why can’t the English learn to speak-” ‘why can’t the democrats learn to vote?” This malfunction is the Democratic Achilles heel and New York State is a tip of the iceberg.  If only the democrats could vote in sync each and every time maybe something will change here in ‘Retro-land.’

 Where is our Martin Luther King, to lead us through the streets of this unconscious wasteland; – where the GOOD are few, the BAD are many and the GUTlLESS prevail.

 P.S. Call the Gutless Crew and let them know what you think of their vote.

 (*showing a contemptible lack of boldness and resolve)

Authored by Melanie Nathan- (citizen,  mother, wife,  daughter, queer, a  niece, cousin,  Aunt, Sister, friend,  wise-fool, volunteer, in the box, out the box, – still planet earth, comparative privilege, ever-grateful, trying to feel pain, measured guilt,  abhorred by injustice, glass half full half the time, too well-read and out-traveled; lived in Africa, live in USA, mediator, advocate, activist, idealist, dreamer, doer, done! nathan@privatecourts.com ; www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com

 From the Mediation desk of Melanie Nathan:

 Since the recession and housing bust, there has been an increasing amount of homes either about to be foreclosed or upside down. Often both or one party may still be feeding community or post separation income into  an unviable  property.    These situations may be remedied by short sales, loan modification, divorce settlements providing inter spousal transfers and indemnifications for debt assumed, or simply by walking away.

This difficult situation adds to the stress of divorce, especially if the parties are not in tandem as to the fate of the property.   Some may want to hold on to the property in the hope of a future upside,  and whomever remains on must be prepared to take responsibility for their share of the holding costs, such as mortgage payments, property tax, maintenance costs and insurance.  If one party decides to hold on, there is no likelihood of the other receiving any cash settlement  for an upside down property, regardless of what went into the property or the dream of a future upside.   

 I have had cases where one spouse holds the property, like the sword of Damocles, over the head of the other, asserting they will be stuck with poor credit, unable to find rental accommodation, in legal trouble, creating fear resulting in the threatened party holding on for longer than necessary.   

 This is where a neutral mediator and/or advice of a consulting attorney is imperative.  The neutral can help the party step out of the dream into reality.  The neutral provides a safe and peaceful environment for joint exploration of the remedies and can facilitate a productive discussion, helping the parties crunch numbers,  call in other  professionals such as CPA or Mortgage expert to assist with the analysis.  

Fear, misunderstanding  and false senses of security ought not stand in the way of moving forward. It is important to pursue the evolving legal remedies.   These cases need to be mediated rather than litigated. Positioning and pos toward resolving all the issues. Using separate attorneys can be counter- productive and may result in wasted precious time, while throwing good after bad. A party can always have a separate consulting attorney on the side.  

 With all this in mind I was delighted to come across an article by Kenneth R. Harney, November 29, 2009, in the LA times: “Professor advises underwater homeowners to walk away from mortgages; Brent T. White, a University of Arizona law school professor, says that it’s in the homeowners’ best financial interest to stiff their lenders and that it’s not immoral to do so.” … read on…   ( A MUST READ!)

“Go ahead. Break the chains. Stop paying on your mortgage if you owe more than the house is worth. And most important: Don’t feel guilty about it. Don’t think you’re doing something morally wrong.

That’s the incendiary core message of a new academic paper by Brent T. White, a University of Arizona law school professor, titled “Underwater and Not Walking Away: Shame, Fear and the Social Management of the Housing Crisis.”

White contends that far more of the estimated 15 million U.S. homeowners who are underwater on their mortgages should stiff their lenders and take a hike.”  

 This Article, a breathe of fair air, served to endorse my sentiment which I have not hesitated to express in mediation. These are unusual times.  Although the facts of each case may seem similar, they all have a distinctive circumstance and the facts must be explored in detail before a strategy is employed. The one piece of generic advice that I can impart is that one spouse should not be held hostage by the other to a hope or dream about the  future of the property, or to any obligation.  Divorce provides a unique opportunity to walk away from the property and leave it in the hands of the Party who does not want to give it up.  The mediator can help draft documents to reflect such an undertaking by one, documenting the discussion that led to the decision.      The change in spousal relationship can have an impact on negotiations with mortgage lenders and indemnities can be established between spouses for an element of protection if the lender pursues the non-owner spouse in the future.  Also of course a plan can be made for both to walk away. 

 Save your money,  and muster up six months of rent instead of paying it into the property. If you have bad credit and need to rent a property you can offer a few months of advance rental.  However BUYER BEWARE – when you pay rental ahead- be sure that the home you are renting is not about to be foreclosed upon as you may find yourself the victim of the Landlord’s inability to pay his/her mortgage.  

 I believe that walking away from an expensive dream opens the door for an inexpensive reality and good nights of sleep. 

MELANIE NATHAN 
nathan@privatecourts.com
www.privatecourts.com
www.divorcemediators.us

 Time.com reports a bombshell and a big kick in the side for the Obama Administration.  A little hole in DOMA which may lead to a blow out for the iniquitous law:

Chief Judge Alex Kozinski of the Ninth Circuit of the U.S. Court of Appeal issued an unusual and exceedingly profound challenge to the power of the Executive Branch, by doing something not even the most sweeping state-court constitutional decisions on gay marriage have been  able to do: put the issue of equal treatment for gays to President Barack Obama in a way he will find hard to ignore.  

 ”The Office of Personnel Management shall cease at once its interference with the jurisdiction of this tribunal. “  He gave the Obama Administration 30 days to permit Karen Golinski, a lawyer employed by the Ninth Circuit, to include the woman she married under California law last year on her family health-insurance plan. “Some branch must have the final say on a law’s meaning. At least as to laws governing judicial employees, that is entirely our duty and our province. We would not be a co-equal branch of government otherwise.”

Will President Obama defend the actions of the FEDS and refer to the Defense of Marriage Act, a policy that Obama has consistently said that he is against (even though the Obama Administration has defended the law on several occasions since his taking office), and run the risk of Judge Kuzinski taking further legal action?  Or, will they concede that the Office of Personnel Management overstepped its bounds by interfering with the judicial branch, and flirt with conceding too that DOMA itself is overreaching and infringes not just on this one Court’s ability to make rulings independently, but a state’s right to autonomy, and, as part of that, its right to define marriage by its own constitution as expressly stated as part of the Defense of Marriage Act?

The unusual order is only incidentally about gay rights — the judge sidestepped the constitutional question about gays entirely — and is instead a fiery defense of the rights of the judiciary to manage its own employees. But if the Administration chooses to fight the order, it will have to tread carefully to avoid looking to gay-rights advocates like it is waging war in defense of a statute — the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) — that candidate Obama had said should be overturned.

“Kozinski’s order comes at an interesting time in the Ninth Circuit. It was matched last week by an order by a fellow judge on the appeals court, who ruled that Brad Levenson, a public defender working for the federal courts, was entitled to back pay to cover costs associated with buying separate insurance policies he purchased for Tony Sears, whom he married under California law before last year’s Prop 8 made gay marriage illegal there. That state constitutional amendment will itself be on trial beginning in January, when a U.S. district judge in San Francisco will hold the first federal jury trial on whether the U.S. Constitution requires that gay couples be given the opportunity to be married. As chief judge of the circuit, Kozinski will then almost certainly hear the Prop 8 case when it goes on appeal.”

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1942791-1,00.html#ixzz0Y76ZmcT3

So I say if you believe you are entitled Fill in that Form and help put another nail in the coffin signaling the DEMISE OF DOMA.  By the way keep your eye on this one.

Blogged by Melanie Nathan, nathan@privatecourts.com

 • Among lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender persons, the health of bisexual and transgender people is somewhat worse than their heterosexual and non-transgender counterparts, respectively.

• The health of lesbian, gay, people is comparable to that of heterosexual respondents. However, lesbians were less likely to have routine pap tests compared with their heterosexual female counterparts.

• Transgender persons had worse outcomes with respect to self‐reported health, disability status, depression, anxiety, suicide ideation, and lifetime violence victimization.

• Bisexual respondents how worse outcomes with respect to self‐reported health, disability status, suicide ideation, as well as lower rates of mammography for bisexual women compared with their heterosexual female counterparts.

• Legally married same‐sex couples were more likely to obtain health insurance through their spouse’s employer than non‐legally same sex couples.

 This research validates the research on other minority populations that associates stigma and other social determinants with poor health outcomes.  The health disparities faced by minority groups are all too common. Increasingly, there are more theories regarding the factors that lead to health disparities. Research increasingly points to a range of social inequities including income, access to health care or insurance, and housing as factors that impact everyone regardless of race, sexual orientation or gender. However, there are theories specific to minority groups that add additional factors based on minority status.

 Recent changes, including marriage equality, may be helping to reduce disparities for lesbians and gay men, possibly by providing greater access to health insurance.  However, transgender persons still face major barriers with respect to employment nondiscrimination, public accommodations and general social acceptance. This report finds transgender persons reporting the highest level of health disparities.  See http://www.mass.gov/Eeohhs2/docs/dph/commissioner/lgbt_health_report.pdf

One big hit is when it comes to  Gay Men and Women with Diabetes  -    Could the medical community be overlooking 2.5 million people who have diabetes?  Currently, 23.6 million children and adults in the United States, or 7.8 percent of the population, have diabetes. Although an estimated 17.9 million of them have been diagnosed, 5.7 million (nearly one quarter) are unaware that they have the disease.  If lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered (LGBT) people comprise 10 percent of the U.S. population, then 10 percent of people with diabetes are part of the LGBT community-about 2.5 million people.  (Another reason to participate in the 2010 census.)

Lack of equality has always been a problem as we all know, but when it comes to specific stories we realize just how hard we must fight, because our lack of rights  detrimentaly impact  every aspect of our lives.  When Jim went to a local emergency room  for kidney stones, he experienced an episode of hypoglycemia. While he was trying to get a nurse’s attention to explain what was happening, his blood sugar sank to a dangerous 19 mg/dL and he began to have a seizure. The emergency staff rushed to raise his blood sugar and admit him to the intensive care unit, but no one bothered to tell his spouse, John, who was scared and confused.   Yet another example of the loneliness of marriage for a gay couple in the US.

“ Diabetes is a stress in any relationship and  when you combine that with the added stresses of life as a lesbian or a gay man-whether you are open about it or not-there is a great need for LGBT people with diabetes and the partners who support them to receive services and information geared to their unique needs, “  Said John from DANG Foundation.   

With the help available in the myriad of articles and unique content provided by  pre-eminent sites like the Diabetes Health Website,  and an increased awareness of one’s right to fight…. my message is fight for your rights and fight for your health…and fight for your health so you can fight for your rights.

Blog by Melanie Nathan

T, stranded in Europe says  ”Some may get nervous writing letters; no worries, the letter is done for you.  Simply create a log in name and “click” — BOOM!, those e-mail letters are sent.  Some of you may be nervous about exposing yourself by writing — but all you need to is make up a log in name. …  I understand your desire for anonymity, but PLEASE make up a ghost pen name if you must and send the letters.  Some of you may not like what is written — want to compose your own note?  Just “overwrite” the existing text with your own .”

I believe short representations of the most poignant aspects of our personal stories are most effective. Our Reps want to hear our stories even more than they want to hear from organizations. Therein lies the power of your correspondence. However be sure to include the main talking points which are very clear from the links.
 
Momentum is building for our issue;  our time must be now or as Senator Gillibrand mentioned recently it may be too late.  Senator Arlen Specter just signed on as a cosponsor of Uniting American Families Act and I have no doubt it  was our letters and blogging that got us there.    More and more press attention is being devoted to this issue.  Now is not the time to be timid or afraid.  Be bold!  Demand what is rightfully ours — demand the right (not chance, not privilege) to be with your one true love.  Demand it for your friends and for your fellow borthers and sisters.  We must all work as hard now as ever, even harder.  Quoting the grassroots campaign of Out 4 Immigration which has a goal to obtain goal  1000 signatures –   

T says. – “when I sent mine, I was Number 130.  A friend and ally SF had 130+ people at the rally she organized last week in Florida. She stood in the daylight and asked for change.  Surely we all can sit in the comfort of our own homes, in our pajamas and point and click for change, right?
 
T says – I give you equal parts inspiration and determination, seasoned with a dash of chiding.  C’mon, everyone — my partner “M” and I NEED you.  We all need each other.  Please help us.  Please help yourselves.  If we do the work, we will reap the rewards…”
 
 If you haven’t done so already, please go to the change.org page and send the e-mails to Senator Schumer and Congresswoman Lofgren as well. NOW please whether you are impacted directly or not.

We are asking that we be included in Comprehensive immigration reform through the Uniting American Families. If you want to read my testimony provided to the Immigration Commission in San Francisco it can be found at www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress on the UAFA page.
 

BLOG by Melanie Nathan, nathan@privatecourts.com  www.privatecourts.com
Picture 1: Taken by Melanie Nathan at SF Pride 2009- Includes Shirley Tan, Jay Mercado and Twins,
Together with Lt. Dan C hoi.   Pictire 2: The Tan-Mercado family with Melanie in DC for Senate Judiciary Committee Hearing 2009