In an appearance on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight, Texas mega church pastor Joel Osteen shared his view on same-sex marriage, and said the scripture relating to gays will not change.

“It would be against my faith to marry two gay people,” said Osteen, noting that, of the many marriages mentioned in the Bible, none were same-sex.

Yet, Osteen and his wife did later say they would have no problem attending a same-sex wedding, if the gay or lesbian couple happened to be friends of theirs.

In other religion news…. Zeus has ordered all Immortals to stay out of the fighting at Troy.

Cartoon depicting abstinence only sex education

The stereotype is simple: Liberal states have loads of divorce and lots of preggers teenagers. Conservative states have loads of stable families and teenagers keeping the abstinence pledge. Like most stereotypes, it’s WRO-ONG! Just as wrong as the myth that same sex parents produce problem children.

A new federal study, and a new book, blow the whole idea that conservative states and evangelical churches produce better families to hell and back. A brief review of the results:

The “blue family,” as in Democratic “blue state,” has a higher rate of women with college educations snd they are more likely to be married than those who dropped out of high school. Men and women who marry after age 25 have lower divorce rates than those who married younger. The more educated the couple, and the later they defer childbearing (though not too late), the more stable the family. Established careers based on higher education means a family is more affluent, better able to purchase a home, and better able to afford the things that enhance a child’s education. Divorce rates of these families are at levels not seen since the 1960′s, and non-marital births have decreased.

In the “red states,” conservative, more prone to belong to non-mainstream, evangelical churches, there is strong support for abstinence instead of sex education and bans on abortion. But in these states, teenagers are having sex (and more frequently unprotected sex) at a slightly lower age than in blue states (16.38 years to 16.52 years of age). Evangelical couples are more likely to divorce than non-evangelical couples and evangelical mothers are more likely to hold full-time jobs than non-evangelicals. Also, with lower education levels and the general economics of states with “right to work” laws, there is a greater chance that these mothers are doing shift work in retail with odd hours and weekends. Economics are making it harder for traditionalists to create traditional marriages with well-defined gender roles. Where those roles aren’t expected, there is greater satisfaction with the marriage. A woman who grows up expecting to be a full-time homemaker and ends up working a register at the supermarket is not a happy woman and her marriage will not be happy.

The recession has had a great impact on marriage. The typical blue state family, where the couple have had more time to mature, to develop their sexuality, to find their place in the career world and to negotiate marital roles fitting their personalities and careers are more able to survive economic difficulty, both economically and emotionally.

Traditionalists, however, react to hard times by choosing to become even more traditional and pushing traditional family values as policy. States that have pushed abstinence-only sex education, limit subsidies and access to contraception and restrict abortion, and oppose same-sex marriage, have higher teen birth and divorce rates. And when the imposition of those family values policies fails to improve society, they just dig in harder. In spite of all the laws that conservative state legislatures have passed, the recession and the sluggish recovery have produced more teen pregnancies, more unwed mothers and more abortions, not less. Worse, for these traditionalists, males are unemployed at higher rates than females, which creates even greater strains on couples who have married young.

Naomi Cahn and June Carbone have published Red Families v. Blue Families, which explores the study data and draws conclusions about the policy decisions this nation should be making. At Amazon, it is available for Kindle at just $9.99, half the price of the hard cover. For those wishing to engage in the battle against the laws being proposed to force religion-based family values into our civil laws, owning this book is worth the investment. Facts are always useful.

Related articles

• West Texas School Administrators See Literally No Connection Between Their Choice Of Sex Education And Teen Pregnancy Rates (hayladies.wordpress.com)
• Rick Perry Can’t Handle Evidence in Epic Fail of Abstinence Question: VIDEO (towleroad.com)
• Weak Argument for Abstinence (crossexaminedblog.com)
• Letter: Evangelicals and Marriage (nytimes.com)
• Atheist Divorce Rates Among Lowest in America (queerlandia.com)
• Sarah Palin’s Views on Abstinence Lead to Second Grandchild (thegreatone22.wordpress.com)
• Red Families, Blue Families, Gay Families (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)

What’s your type?  Do you think you have one?

I’ve been asked this question before.  Haven’t we all?   To tell the truth, I feel a little uncomfortable answering.  The images that pop in my head of my “dream girl” (my dream girl would have to be my type, right?) make me feel shallow, narcissistic.  Boobs.  Long hair.  Abs.  The images that pop into my head are all physical attributes.  What the hell?  I’m kidding myself.  That isn’t my type…  But wait, I have a subscription to Playboy…?

So what is mine?  Do I even have one?

I look back at the four relationships I’ve been in.  I don’t think each girl could be more different than the other.

Girl #1: redhead, lifeguard, country girl, averagely talented at theatre/sports, an overall nice Minnesota girl

Girl #2: brunette, tall, incredibly intelligent, amazing actress, awesome personality, “X-Files” and “Friends” geek (I say this with love)

Girl #3: Can I describe Angela as a girl? Ha… masculine, muscular, short, outstanding athlete, quick to laugh, just as quick to anger, a cop

Girl #4: blonde, southern, small, not an athlete OR an actress, crazy, spontaneous, sexy

Um.  Maybe I don’t have a type?

Still, I look at my list above and one relationship stands out.  (One of these things is not like the other. Ha…) It was the only time I ever dated someone I didn’t feel at the time was my type.  Read: feminine.  If I wanted to date a guy, I’d date a guy, right?  And um, I’m a lesbian.

I remember when I first met Angela.  Online.  Myspace.  (You can laugh now.)

She pursued me heavily.  A first.  I wasn’t the “boy” in the relationship.  Also a first.  SHE took care of ME.  Bought me dinner.  Gave me presents.  Held the door.  Offered her arm.  Did this feel unnatural for me?  At times.  Honestly, I’d rather have someone hold MY arm.  But for some reason, with Ang, I felt I could relax.  Being the “guy” in a relationship is a lot of work, even when you’re good at it.

She was a cop.  She sent pictures of herself in uniform, and I could see that she had short-cropped hair, shorter than mine.  But her eyes were almond colored, and were extremely feminine.  She had a great smile, great teeth.  Did I mention the “cop” thing?

After three months of talking online, and another month of phone conversation, we finally agreed to meet for a weekend in Indianapolis.  She arrived at the hotel first, and when she opened the door to the room, my first thought was… “My god, she looks like a little DUDE!”  I mean, I shouldn’t have been that surprised; I had pictures.  But the way she carried herself, her physicality…  It was in that moment, that exact second, I said to myself the very thing which has given me the balls to live the way I choose from then on:

Fuck it.

I jumped out of the box I’d put myself in, and decided to try something different.  I’d been speaking to this woman for four months; we had a very real connection.  I didn’t want to write that off because I was worried she wasn’t my type.

And it was different.

I quickly learned she wasn’t really the guy.  I’m embarrassed that I thought she would be.  I was young and naïve.

It’s easy to see why, though.  People look at me and assume.  Am I really the guy?  Anyone that’s been in a relationship with me can tell you, I will cry at “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” harder than you will.  And don’t even get me started on “Intervention”!  And I am almost always the more emotional/more sensitive one in a relationship.  To be truthful, I don’t see gender roles at all in same-sex relationships, be it in day to day living or the bedroom.

Ang and I figured it out.  We loved each other and had a ton of fun.  When a gorgeous girl walked by, did we both stop and stare?  Yes.  Sometimes, she’d turn to me and say “You like the girlie girls!”  Well, yeah.  So did she.  But we also liked each other.

Did I eventually leave her for someone that was blonde, feminine, soft and curvy?  Yep.   And I can tell you right now that it had nothing to do with love, with being in love.  I loved Angela.  I was in love with her. But my relationship with her was in shreds.  She tore me apart.  (That is its own story, yet to be written.)  I didn’t leave her because she wasn’t my type.

I can tell you that I’m glad, in that millisecond outside of the hotel room door, that I said “Fuck it.”  I’m glad I was in that relationship.  I learned a lot about myself, about love in that relationship.  Just as in any relationship I learned what I want in a partner and what I don’t.  When I think back to Angela, I don’t think, “Well, I definitely don’t want someone more masculine than ME again!”  Nope, I think, “I definitely don’t want someone so ANGRY again.”

Why am I even on this topic?  Soccer.

Lately I’ve been watching USA Women’s Soccer and am not going to deny that I didn’t get turned on watching Abby Wambach head two goals in the last two games.  But wait!  She kinda looks like a dude!

So what.

So do I have a type?  Sure.  Talented.  At anything.  Sports?  Ok.  Theatre?  Ok.  Flip cup?  Definitely.  (Kidding. Kinda.)  Intelligent.  Funny.  Motivated.  Driven.

These things are not physical attributes.  Do I have a physical type?  Well…Attractive.  Masculine, feminine, I don’t care.  And you know as well as I do that people become more physically attractive the more you appreciate them for less superficial reasons. (Side note – Google image searched Abby Wambach just for shits and giggles and saw that she used to have long typical soccer-girl hair.  Physically, much more attractive with the new ‘do she’s got going on.  Am I right?)

So, I guess I DO have a type.  It just isn’t physical.

And um, those girls in my Playboy magazine may not have all the non-physical attributes that I’m looking for in a woman, but… I read it for the articles, anyway.

Alex Fox

I started with your typical sports. Tee-ball when I was old enough, moving into softball, dance (tap, ballet, jazz), eventually basketball, then when I was in eighth grade, out of nowhere, I turned to my stepmom and said:

“I want to play soccer.”
“What? Why? That’s too manly of a sport.”
“I want to play soccer.”
“No.”

Ok. There went that dream.

For the time being.

Without her approval or signature on the little slip, I decided to change the conversation:

“I want to play volleyball.”
“Oh how fun! That’ll be so much fun for you..!”

So there it was. I was a volleyball player.

NO OFFENSE! I love standing around and hitting balls, but coooome oooon! I wanted to run! I wanted to run and kick balls! But… No. It wasn’t “feminine” enough.

Two years later, I tried again.

“I want to play soccer.”
“No.”
“I’m going to play soccer.”

And so I did. And I LOVED it. Excuse me. LOVE it.

It is something they have been searching for…

Individual sports for women have always had greater success and longevity than team sports. One of the oldest professional sports for women in the United States is golf. Established in 1950, it only took two decades for it to become an international organization. Even women’s professional bowling was established before the 1960s. Women’s tennis in the 1970s. All still going strong.

It is something they have fought for…

Something they have earned…

On the opposite side, we have women’s professional team sports, which have always had a difficult time surviving and stabilizing. Why? Well, some people argue that it is the masculine image of team sports that has inhibited some women from participating. The aggression. The sweat. The contact. The competitiveness… All these “unladylike” attributes… And yet men don’t think women sports are intense or aggressive ENOUGH, so there goes that fan-base…

It is something they are slowly receiving…

Respect.

Not only as women, but as female athletes.

The professional female athletic organizations and systems are finally gaining acceptance as offering respectable and entertaining sports that are worthy of public and national attention. Now it is up to the management of these organizations to attract more spectators in order for them to be considered successful and for women’s athletics to permeate society as a whole.

Considering the lack of acknowledgement soccer has received in the United States, it doesn’t exactly surprise me that rumored gay-thletes are hesitant to come out and embrace their assumed sexuality/relationships (cough-cough Abby Wambach and Megan Rapinoe). The seductive looks… The matching hair… the on- and off-field chemistry… It’s all there. We see it.

And we LOVE it.

While some of us may agree that it would be extremely liberating and show immense support for the gay community, I personally don’t think it’s solely their decision to keep their relationship and sexual preferences a secret. Their “agents” more than likely view homosexuality as a “threat” to their “brand.” Even some college coaches threaten their players about announcing and admitting to their tendencies while some coaches won’t even allow gay-thletes on their team. I mean even going from the long-haired, ponytail, feminine brunette to a hair cut that just screams LESBIAN!, Wambach took a huge step forward; she now looks the “part” to fit the rumors.

And with the recent, undeniable success of the U.S.A. National Women’s soccer team? The last thing the owners/coaches/players/agents/organizations want is a reason to deter any of their potential fans.

Yet, what they neglect to consider is the number of fans they would ATTRACT by openly admitting to who they are. Showing that they have personalities outside of the soccer facade. A new [and dare-I-say and improved] role model for younger female athletes. Although some may ridicule, others would relentlessly support. Those who may have never been interested in soccer before, now would be.

BASICALLY, all I’m saying…

Abby. Megan. When you read this, just know:

1. Your sexuality is acknowledged.
2. You should embrace it.
3. You have more support than you know.
4. You would make one HOT couple.

GO U.S.A.!

Want more information on this or other gay-thletes? Contact me, Alex Fox, at theunluckyfox@gmail.com.

7/2/2011

Almost a week ago a historic vote allowed New York to legalize same-sex marriages, making New York the sixth, and by far the most populous, state to do so.  Massachusetts led the way, by court order, in 2004, and many other states are now considering the decision.  There has been a fight for world wide equality for so many years it’s hard to count, but it’s finally on the horizon and the GLBT community can finally start jumping for joy.

Neil Patrick Harris has decided to finally tie the knot, with long time partner David Burtka, after the New York vote was official.  The “How I Met Your Mother” star was one of the uncountable amount of people celebrating on June 24th when the news of the same-sex marriage bill passing was announced.  Also the child star of “Dougie Howser”, Harris couldn’t be any happier.

“It passed!!” He tweeted on June 24th. “Marriage equality in NY!! Yes!! Progress!!”

The couple, unknown to the public ear, has actually been engaged for quite some time now, even a little before he announced to the public that he was gay in late 2006.

“David and I did propose to each other, but over five years ago!” He tweeted last weekend in response to many questions. “We’ve been wearing engagement rings for ages, waiting for an available date.”

Harris and Burtka have been together as a couple for many years.  They are proud parents of 8 month old twins, via surrogate, and are currently planning their wedding.  However, no official date has been set yet.

Gov. Andrew Cuomo and Sandra Lee at premiere of "Julie & Julia" (photo by New York Post)

It’s one of those idiot arguments against same-sex marriage – it will somehow destroy straight marriages. To prove this point, the anti-gay lobby uses a study called Marriage in Scandinavia to show how straight marriage has declined – since the 1970′s in countries that didn’t have same-sex unions of any kind. It’s like their favorite studies on same-sex parenting that don’t involve the study of any same-sex parents. But the passage of the same-sex marriage law in New York brings up the issue of the state of straight marriage in the time of same-sex marriage again.

Since January, New York State has had an unusual situation with its governor. Andrew Cuomo was married for thirteen years to Kerry Kennedy, daughter of the late Robert F. and Ethel Kennedy. They had three children and were divorced in 2005. In and of itself, that’s not completely unheard of. Mitch Daniels and his wife were divorced and remarried during his political career. But all through the public appearances Cuomo has made as the new governor, there has been a woman at his side – the Food Network star Sandra Lee. New Yorkers, accepting people that they are, haven’t said much about having a mistress as their shadow First Lady.

Still, Cuomo’s enthusiastic support of same-sex marriage and his speeches praising the new law in the past three days raises an interesting question. If marriage is good enough for same sex couples, when will it be good enough for the Governor?

Related articles

• In NY, gay marriage law brings wedding plans (miamiherald.typepad.com)
• Gay marriage fans talk of Cuomo presidential bid (miamiherald.typepad.com)
• Quote Of The Day – David Frum (joemygod.blogspot.com)

To some, British comedienne and writer Dawn French is the Fat Lady in the portrait who opens the door to Gryffindor Tower, to others, the star of The Vicar of Dibley. For thirty years, she has been partnered with Jennifer Saunders of Absolutely Fabulous fame in a team that formed part of the center of a generation of British comedians and actors whose one-degree-of-separation includes Hugh Laurie, Stephen Fry, Emma Thompson and just about everyone in British television and movies who’s around 50 years old. People tend to forget that Laurie, of House, and Fry, of Bones, started as a comedy duo within an overlapping group of skit comedy shows.

To women of a certain size, though, Dawn French was an earth goddess who celebrated her “19 stones” weight (265 pounds) on a five-foot tall body and posed nude for some absolutely fabulous artistic portraits during her “Big Is Beautiful” campaign aimed at improving British women’s self-image problems. She carried that weight with far more dignity than Kirstie Alley, but could make fun of it constantly in Dibley with candy-bar binges and jokes about growing up nurturing dreams of being a super model, but never getting tall enough. Geraldine Granger’s romantic encounters were both glorious hosannas to huge boobs and poignant reminders of the manner in which society equates boney rib cages with sex appeal. I was disappointed when she was cast as the Fat Lady in the Gryffindor portrait. I wanted her to play Madame Maxime, the headmistress of Beauxbatons. The Vicar of Dibley was both slapstick comedy and social commentary, touching on such issues as hunger in the third world and the quiet coming-out of an older gay man.

Dawn French, now

At this week’s Glamour Magazine awards in London, French revealed her new body, nearly 25% slimmer than her former self, having shed “four-and-a-half stones” (63 lbs.). Still favoring the tent-like tunic-and-pants look of the past (where are Trini and Suzanne when someone needs to learn What Not To Wear?) Dawn’s new figure became the headline, instead of her award-winning first novel A Tiny Bit Marvellous. She had previously written Dear Fatty, which was not addressed to herself, but was a collection of fictionalized letters to her jokingly-nicknamed, skinnier partner Jennifer Saunders.

The novel was the result of her British-cliche separation and divorce from fellow comedian Lennie Henry, best known to American PBS audiences as the title character in the series Chef!  They continued to share their Cornwall home for nearly a year after separating, just as Prince Andrew and Fergie have continued to share homes. A Tiny Bit Marvellous draws on the people in French’s life for the story of a family in meltdown. French retreated to a few rooms in her home and began writing as a coping mechanism. She continued performing primarily as a guest, but French and Saunders were on a hiatus from their joint work as writers, directors, producers and performers in a broad range of projects while Saunders successfully battled breast cancer.

French explained the weight loss as something that just evolved. She reached the age of 50 and accepted what professionals had been saying about her weight for years in their condemnation of her “Big Is Beautiful” campaign – being overweight is unhealthy. For the sake of her daughter Billie, (now 19) French changed her “life priorities” from “my daughter, writing, chocolate and kissing” to her daughter, writing, walking and kissing, though she’s not revealing who she’s kissing these days. In the course of her career, she’s kissed Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, George Clooney, chef Gordon Ramsay and Hugh Grant – and that doesn’t even include her co-stars. French’s “diet” consisted of making healthy food choices and doing a lot of walking. Though nowhere near the size 0 that is the current standard of beauty on both sides of the ocean, French is poised to become the next role model in the mold of Queen Latifah – a woman who can publicly express the benefits of a healthy lifestyle and strong body while still being voluptuous. We don’t have to trade in our grapefruits for Keira Knightly’s grapes. We can exalt in our natural cleavage instead of relying on Victoria’s Secret trickery.

Now fully recovered from both breast cancer and the debilitating effects of chemo, Saunders is apparently moving ahead with a reunion show for AbFab with Joanna Lumley, and hopefully to more joint projects with French. As individuals, they are extraordinary performers, as a partnership, they have always been greater than the sum of their parts, no matter how zaftig those parts were.

Related articles

• Dawn French is dating again and “open to marrying again” after her split from Lenny Henry (mirror.co.uk)
• Dawn French reveals health fears inspired her weight loss (mirror.co.uk)
• Comic Strip returns for one-off potshot at Tony Blair (guardian.co.uk)
• My Crushes (mradclyffe.wordpress.com)
• The 9 0′Clock News – Victoria Beckham converts her gym to a new nursery (heatworld.com)
• AbFab To Return, Sweetie (joemygod.blogspot.com)
• All jokes aside, there’s nothing funny about obesity (thepunch.com.au)
• Radio review: French and Saunders (guardian.co.uk)

Have you ever been living dyke drama and thinking “this sucks so hard…but it would make a great book.” Well author Dawn Mueller certainly thought so. Dawn, a Chi-town based lez, found herself single for the first time in nine years at the age of 33. She threw herself headfirst into the shark tank of gay girl dating and channeled her experiences into her first novel, “A Single Year.”

“A Single Year” is a must read for any queer lady, single or taken. Dawn’s writing is honest, sometimes even painfully so. She shows readers her the innermost workings of her mind and her heart and everyone will see parts of themselves reflected there.

Natasia Langfelder: Why did you choose to write about the first year of your life as a single lesbian instead of your life in a relationship?

Dawn Mueller: Honestly I never thought about writing about my life in a relationship. I am typically more compelled to write when my life is in chaos than when my life is in balance (not that being in a relationship equals balance necessarily). Really, when I reviewed all of my exploits and saw that I had enough material for a book, I had to write that before I wrote anything else.

NL: You know I have to ask, are you still single?

DM: I have had a number of relationships since writing A Single Year. Most of them fizzled out in less than a year. My current relationship is nearing the 14-month mark, which is quite a milestone for me after 5 years of ups and downs. We’ll see what happens. In the meantime, I have plenty of material for my next book if things ever calm down enough for me to write it! 

NL: You get really graphic in the book, both in terms of emotions and sex. Did you use the real names of your friends/dates? Do they hate you now?

DM: In some cases I used real names, but I got permission from all of those people beforehand. For the others, I changed the names and some minor details, but left the rest. Generally I changed the names of my dates or people who I may not have portrayed in a flattering light. Most of them probably don’t even know they appear in a book (though I did consider sending them copies ). The characters from the book that I am still in contact with have been very supportive and encouraging. I have not heard from any characters from the book who are angry about it or who hate me. I assume this is either because they don’t know about it or they are too busy sticking pins in their DM voodoo dolls.

NL: Did your family read the book? Did they enjoy the detailed sex scenes?

DM: My sister and mom read the book, though my mom said she skipped some of the steamier scenes. (Phew!) She is my biggest supporter. When my sister was reading it, I was a nervous wreck. She’d keep calling me and telling me how good it was and I’d keep asking her if she’d gotten to the sex scenes yet. I was sure her opinion of the book would change when she got to that point, but it didn’t seem to faze her. She said when she finished, “You definitely had more fun than me.” I told my dad about it recently, but I think some of what I wrote about our relationship made it difficult for him. It’s probably best that he doesn’t read the sex scenes anyway!

NL: In the book you mention that you got some crap from other lesbians for being open to threesomes with couples. Have lesbians who have read your book harshed out on you for having sexual encounters with men?

DM: Surprisingly enough, I have not heard from that contingent. I’m sure that’s only because it hasn’t reached them yet. The movie “The Kids are All Right” had those lesbians all up in arms, and I was reminded once again that sleeping with a man is still the lesbian kiss of death to some. Knowing that I was opening myself up to that kind of scrutiny was one of the many reasons why it took me so long to publish. I wanted to be prepared for the backlash, but I discovered you can never be prepared for the kind of criticism this type of book evokes. Stories as personal and revealing as mine tend to trigger pretty strong responses from either side. I just have to learn to roll with the punches as they come.

NL: Are there women who won’t date you because of the book?

DM: I was dating a woman around the time I was shopping for publishers for the book and I let her read some of it. She was shocked and very unhappy about the whole thing (to put it mildly). Our relationship was never quite the same and ended soon after. I had a woman tell me once that she wouldn’t date me because she didn’t want me to write about her. Generally though, I find that sharing the book with a potential partner serves as a good gauge for whether or not we are compatible. If she has a problem with it or with anything I’ve done, we probably aren’t a good match. The sooner I find that out, the better!

NL: What did your ex think of the book? Do you think you two will ever be able to be friends?

DM: As far as I know, my ex does not know about the book, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she found out about it on her own. I still live in the same building with her and she still doesn’t talk to me. If there was ever a chance in hell of us being friends (and that’s an enormous IF), the book pretty much blew that to bits. I don’t think I include anything particularly damning towards her, but it was a lot for me to reveal about our relationship. Initially I tried to tiptoe around that part of my story, but it is such a central part of what happened that I had to tell the truth, even the ugly parts of it.

NL: In your book, you mentioned that you run with an LGBT group. Do you still run with them?

DM: Yes, I still run with Frontrunners/Frontwalkers Chicago, though I am not as consistent as I used to be. They are an awesome group.

NL: In ‘A Single Year’ you address the clique-iness of the lesbian community, but you managed to integrate pretty well. What tips would you give readers who are looking to expand their social lesbian circle (without sleeping with everyone in sight)?

DM: This is where Frontrunners came in handy. I learned to be more comfortable in social settings and gained a lot of confidence through them. I definitely recommend finding a GLBT group of interest and exploring where that can lead. Plus, I really think it helps that I don’t drink. Hanging out in bars is not the ideal setting for a drama-free lesbian existence. I’m sure I would have found myself in a lot more messy situations if I didn’t have the presence of mind I’ve gotten through sobriety. You really just have to gauge each situation and try to act accordingly. Weigh the risks with the benefits. Try not to be impulsive. The community is so small even in a city like Chicago that if you make the wrong decision (even if it’s the right decision for you), it can come back to haunt you.

NL: If the book was made into a movie, which actresses would play you and your main love interests, Mimi, Vann and Jamie?

DM: Funny, I think I probably spent more time thinking about this question than any of the others! It’s tough. I can’t think of any particular actresses that could completely embody the characters, but I have some ideas. For instance, Mimi would be a Filipino actress with the bubbly personality of Drew Barrymore. Vann would be a physically stronger, more butch Katherine Moennig. Jamie would be a shorter, darker, Queen Latifah. Me, I would be a younger, dorkier Ellen Degeneres. 

NL: Do you have any upcoming writing projects?

DM: I have no immediate plans, but I’m slowly compiling material for the next book. Meanwhile, I am also promoting the book and appearing at book stores here and there. I have a reading at Women and Children First on June 16th and there are several other events coming up that coincide with Pride Month here in Chicago.

NL: Where can your fans find you?

DM: I can be found on twitter @a_single_year, fan me on FB,  or look me up here: http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/asingleyear

NL: What has the best part of this experience been for you?

DM: I went to a book club to discuss the book and someone asked me what the best part of this experience has been. I didn’t have an answer for him at the time, but can now say it would have to be knowing that the book is out there and that people are relating to it. Writing, publishing, and promoting it has led me to places that have both terrified and excited me. I have gone from never wanting to write again to wanting to finish the next one tomorrow. The bottom line is, I have done what I set out to do and never have to look back and think… “What if…”

You can buy “A Single Year” on Amazon. Already read the book and love it? Become a fan on Facebook and stay on top of all Dawn’s upcoming appearances and projects.

Related articles

• The Real L Word Season 2 Preview: There Will be Muff Diving (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Are Padded Bras False Advertising? (lezgetreal.com)
• LGBT Wedding Trends to Watch For 2011 (lezgetreal.com)

It’s wedding season! Gay, straight or otherwise you are probably gearing up to attend someone else’s special day. Or maybe you are thinking of planning your own big event? Or daydreaming about the hot barista and planning a wedding before she even knows your name? Here are some of the top trends that the gays are employing into their nuptial celebrations so your big day doesn’t turn into a “My Big Fat Gay Wedding” disaster:

1. Destination Weddings

This trend used to be called “eloping” or “We’re going to Canada where it’s legal” but Destination Wedding sounds so much sexier, doesn’t it? Why is this trend popular? Because there is a one in 10 chance that you live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal, so most of us are going to be traveling for our big day so make it fabulous! Don’t sneak away by yourselves, hire a planner or quit your job and devote yourself to planning your big day in an exotic locale. Iowa, the gay-friendly state that could, is reporting a boost in tourism directly related to same-sex weddings. Giving back to a community that has recognized our rights is a great way to celebrate your love! Plus, I hear the corn is as high as an elephant’s eye there…or something like that.

2. Joint Bachelor/ette Parties

File this one under Best. Trend. Ever. Joint Bachelor and bachelorette parties mean that the wedding isn’t going to be called off because someone got drunk and accidentally groped a stripper. If you can party with your spouse-to-be you avoid all the drama, hurt feelings, jealousy and anxiety that live hand-in-hand with these bashes. Or you can sleep with the stripper together! Whatever works.

3. Furry Flowergirls and Ring Bearers

I know lesbians, we love our pussycats but maybe putting them in our wedding ceremonies is crossing the line? Apparently, the answer is no. Cats in tophats and dogs in bridesmaid dresses are taking over the internet. I for one, am guilty of following this trend. My 3 pound Yorkie wore lilac silk to my wedding. The only rule to remember when putting your pooch in the nuptial line of fire is be kind. Make sure you have someone to put your pet someplace safe once the festivities are underway and make sure they have food and water. Plus, keep any animal tormenting children far, far away.

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4. Same-sex Wedding Cake Toppers

Cute and kitch, many LGBT couples are opting to put two little Grooms or two little Brides at the top of their cakes. Wedding cake toppers have gone out of style among the hetero set, with outrageously priced and fondant sleek cakes being the norm. However, if you are queer- go ahead and shout it from the top of your cake!

5. Green Weddings

No, I’m not talking about color schemes, I’m talking saving the earth! Gays love a good trip down altruism lane and we have led the charge when it comes to environmental friendliness. When I got married last September, we contracted with a printer that used all recycled paper. This meant that our save-the-dates, invitations, menus, place cards and thank-you notes were all green! We also used a party bus to shuttle people to and from their hotels, that really cut down on the CO2 emissions and let our guests get as drunk as they wanted! Totally a win-win for all involved.

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After a brief hiatus (you missed me, didn’t you?), Riley Dylan is back to offer a boi’s perspective on love, dating and relationships.  This week, one lucky reader has won a coveted kitchen appliance!  See below.  Email your questions to RDylan1980@gmail.com.

Dearest Riley,

I am currently in a catch-22 and I am not sure what to do. I was involved with a girl from my softball team this summer, who was straight and said I was the only girl she has ever been attracted to you. Things progressed, problem was, she had a boyfriend. Everything was going in my favor and then boom. She needed us to be strictly friends, so she could figure everything out. She went without talking to me for some time and now recently has broken up with her boyfriend and is talking to me again. We both had strong feelings for one another, but I don’t know where she stands now. I don’t want to be a rebound or get involved to quickly, but I also can’t help the feelings I still have for her. How should I approach this?

Sincerely,

Hopeful Heart

Thank you for writing, Hopeful Heart!

Ah, this boi has a hard time staying away from “straight” teammates, too.  First of all, I recommend reading Alex Fox’s “Playma.. I mean.. Teammates.”  You don’t want your love life upsetting the team dynamic.  That wouldn’t be fair to you, her or the rest of the team.

So she’s broken up with the boyfriend!  Sorry guys, we need our toasters.  Well, it sounds like you don’t know all the exact reasons why she has left her guy.  It could be that she just has relationship problems with him, that she is realizing that she doesn’t prefer only guys, that she has feelings for you, etc.  Until she’s put those reasons out in the open, I wouldn’t assume.

Also, I think the word “rebound” gets a bad rap.  Feelings are feelings are feelings.  Why deny them?  Ever?

Warning: Instant gratification comes with side effects.

Disclaimer: Riley doesn’t give a shit about the above warning.

Sometimes it’s just a matter of being in the right place at the right time.  I stayed with a rebound for years.  I have friends that are married with kids to their rebounds.  If she still has feelings for you, and you for her, I see no reason to put anything on hold simply because you are worried about timing.

However, it sounds like she hasn’t spoken to you on where she stands.  And it might not be the best idea to push her to tell you.  My advice is to begin inviting her to hang out casually again, and enjoy spending time with her.  Don’t push for a relationship.  Don’t push for her to explain how she feels.  Flirt!  Have fun!  Relax and let her feel comfortable around you.  She’s just gone through a break-up and certainly doesn’t need any added pressure.  She’ll appreciate you more if you start off being a great friend, and you can build on that.

After a few weeks of this (weeks, not days, mind you) if you haven’t discovered any answers, then it will be ok for you to ask her direct relationship-oriented questions.

Good luck, Hopeful Heart!  Here’s your toaster.

-Riley

Town Hall, Wrentham, Mass.

The town of Wrentham, Massachusetts, must have an overabundance of police officers. The Board of Selectmen are considering a bill to outlaw dating and sex in their own homes by persons who are going through a divorce. Until the divorce is final, no dates, no sex. No shit.

Selectman Robert Leclair, who allegedly went through a very bitter divorce, says the bill is meant to prevent domestic violence and shield children. Specifically, the bill says that divorcing parents would be prevented from “conducting a dating or sexual relationship within the home.” Enforcing this law would involve a few methods. The children would have to report their parent, the non-resident about-to-be-ex-spouse would have to report his/her suspicions about the parent or the police department would have to keep track of all pending divorces in the town and conduct surprise raids in the evening.

The domestic violence that the bill would prevent is presumably the non-resident about-to-be-ex-spouse trying to beat the hell out of the resident parent for having the effrontery to want to get on with his or her life or attacking the date for trespassing on what the unhappy parent considers his/her property. This bill diminishes the seriousness of domestic violence and places the blame on the person who would be the victim. It says, if you didn’t, date your rejected partner wouldn’t want to beat your brains out or knee-cap your date. Critics of the bill say it takes away a person’s rights. That’s the least of it. It is a huge insult to the victims of domestic violence because it says “you caused it.”

They are also considering a law to override the state’s alimony laws, ending lifetime alimony and capping the amount one spouse is ordered to pay to the other.

That must have been one hell of a divorce that Leclair went through. In addition to sponsoring these bills, he is the former president of Fathers United For Equal Justice, which disbanded in the 1990′s. The group was focused on what they perceived were laws that favored women in the divorce process. Before the Wrentham Board of Selectmen vote on this bill, they should demand the details of Leclair’s divorce – did he spy on his ex-wife, did he stalk her, did he threaten her with violence, did she have a restraining order taken out against him, did he get hit with lifetime alimony? The citizens of Wrentham should be asking if their city is being used to punish Leclair’s ex-wife by proxy.

Then, they should find out what it takes to rid themselves of this man. The law is not the place for settling private scores or take revenge on a whole segment of society for a personal failure.

Related articles

• Don’t Try This At Home: New Law Would Bar Sex in Home Between Couples Awaiting Divorce (jonathanturley.org)
• A Step in the Right Direction! (zwingliusredivivus.wordpress.com)
• Proposed law seeks to ban sex for divorcing couples (rt.com)
• Oregon House passes bill outlawing purposely false child abuse claims (psychologytoday.com)
• New Law: No Sex Until Divorce (frstephensmuts.wordpress.com)

Image by cattias.photos via Flickr

5/18/2011- by Natasia Langfelder

Bras: we all wear them. Whether you are a Victoria Secret girl, Hanes lady or Sports Bra sporting chick, the “big reveal” to someone you are dating can make you anxious. Don’t worry chicas, I’m here to help! 

Hi Femme,
I recently bought a bra that has gel filled inserts. It makes my A-cup boobies look incredible. It’s become my standard date bra. I’ve been out with this girl I like four times and the last time, we had a really hot makeout sesh at my place. While we were kissing she tried to feel up my boobs but I had to put the kibosh on it (I didn’t want her to realize my boobs felt like tiny water balloons) and she went home soon after.
She hasn’t called in 2 days and I’m flipping out. I liked her a lot, but what if she thinks I’m not into her anymore? What if we do see each other again and I take my bra off and she realizes I’m not as well endowed as I led her to believe? Should I just toss the bra and the girl and start over?
ABC

Hi ABC,
Thanks for writing in! Oh gosh, don’t throw away the girl or the bra! Look, it’s not dishonest to make the most of your assets. Dating is frequently about selling yourself to the other person, it would be nice if looks didn’t figure into the equation but they do, at least in the beginning. However, you’ve been on four dates with this chick and she probably likes you for your personality too.
Plenty of girls wear padded or push-up bras, it’s a great alternative to breast implants and it’s an easy confidence booster. You are not alone. I believe it was Chilly of TLC that said, “Don’t get implants, just push ‘em up!” It was either her, or Shakespeare. I forget which one.
Anywho call your girl, ask her out on a date for a weekend night so she knows you like her enough to spend a precious weekend night with her. If you two get down and dirty after your date, just take the bra off like it’s no big deal. If you treat it like it ain’t no thang, she won’t think anything of it. If you make the mistake of being dramatic about it, she might think you are crazy. Remember, chances are she’s giving her ladies a little boost too.
Good luck ABC! Let us know how it goes.
Have a love/sex/relationship or dating question? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com 

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If you are an athlete, you have undoubtedly sustained some type of injury, yet the extent can obviously vary. Some roll an ankle, sit out a week, and then they are back. Others pull a muscle or tear ligaments, forcing them to remain inactive for months on end. Then there are the career-ending injuries that we never see coming. We cannot predict, and unfortunately, we cannot prevent. Yet, no matter the degree of the injury, we are affected. Not only do sports provide us with mental stimulation, camaraderie, and competition, for many, it is our only release. Our outlet. Our source of sanity.

On April 16, I endured a second-degree sprain in my left ankle, and being persistent, went back into the game. With five minutes remaining, I was tackled, after the play was finished, in the endzone, completely unprepared, completely tearing my right ACL, needing to be carried off the field.

The following days were hell. I was unable to walk without pain, yet I had to. I had to walk. My left side did not have time to be sore. It did not have the time to feel, experience, or analyze its own pain because it had to be strong for my right. The shooting pain, the needles, the constant ache, and undesired pressure were forcibly ignored because there was something much more traumatic occurring on the other side. One of the two had to be strong. Hold its own. Literally stand up in the face of adversity and fight for the other. One had to brave the pain to sustain the other.

I had surpassed pride. I was unwillingly forced to ask for help.

And not only ask for it, but accept it.

To overcome an injury, we not only need physical strength and healing, but we need to become stronger mentally. We need to know –and believe– that we can and we will overcome the setback. We will come back stronger and more determined and ambitious than we were prior to the life-altering incident.

So, where do you find this mental strength? The most obvious answer is within yourself. With your own knowledge, desire, dedication, and passion for the game. Yet, I get it. With countless setbacks and discouraging news time and time again, it is difficult not to lose sight of your goal and your initial hunger for the end result. To get back to the game. Back to our friends. Back to doing what makes you, you.

And although the endless encouragement and support from family and friends are acknowledged and appreciated, they usually cannot relate to the grave mental stress serious injuries evoke. We need something more.

Teammates. The ones who know you as the competitive athlete you are. The ones who know and have seen the extent to which you have involved your heart, your mind, your body, your soul, only to have it all taken away from you in the matter of seconds.

And for some, more than once. Making it more difficult and more discouraging every time.

Let them in. Let them help you. Let them be there for you because when you start losing sight of your ultimate goal, the end result, what you are fighting for… You will have numerous people there to remind you.

You are fighting a worthwhile battle.

And so are they. Remember, not only do you have to allow them to be there for you, but you have to be there for them. Support them. Be who you would want them to be if you were in their place. Be their number one fan. Support. Guide. Teach. Believe.

And after reviewing this article, I feel as though I have cheated you, as there have been no gay references.

So I shall conclude with this…

The majority of gay-thletes desire to have the demeanor of a badass. But, lez get real, we’re a bunch of pussies. When we are sick and/or hurt, we want to be waited on, hand and foot; we desire every ounce of your attention. So, Ladies, wait on your injured woman. Baby her. You never know when you will need her to return the favor.

Questions? Comments? Have a topic you want me to write on? Email me at theunluckyfox@gmail.com.

Image by richiesoft via Flickr

03/29/2011- by Natasia Langfelder

Welcome back to Lez Ask the Femme, you’re one stop shop for queer loooooove advice. This week, we explore the problem of having a girlfriend who just isn’t into bisexuals.

Dear Femme,

I hope you can help because I’m at the end of my rope with my girlfriend. We have been together for 7 months and she is always picking at me for being bisexual. She says mean things like “I bet you think he’s hot,” whenever a reasonably attractive man walks by. I haven’t even been with a man in years and I’ve never cheated on her! We can’t even watch Grey’s Anatomy together because she say’s that I will go and sleep with a man and get pregnant and make her raise the baby!

When I tell her that she’s bothering me, she says that my being bisexual bothers her, so we are even.  I don’t get it because she knew I was bisexual when we met. If she hated the idea of it so much then why did she even ask me out? What the heck am I supposed to do?

-Bi-furcated

Hi Bi,

Wow. Your girlfriend sounds like a real peach.  If I was you, I would probably ditch her for someone who is less bi-phobic. More and more women are labeling themselves as sexually fluid, so it isn’t too hard to find someone who is more understanding of the nuances of your sexuality.

But, if you want to save this relationship and it sounds like you do, you need to understand that she is very insecure and that’s where this mean spiritedness is coming from. Maybe she didn’t realize just how jealous and insecure she would get when you two first started dating and now that things are serious, she’s terrified of losing you.

You need to sit her down and tell her you want to talk about the bi issue seriously, without the childish “we are even” argument. Seriously, that makes no sense! Tell her what you told me, that she knew who you were when you met her and that as your partner, you want her to accept all your parts. Tell her you know that being with a bisexual can be scary, because it seems like bisexuals have more opportunities to cheat or could have a slight gender preference. Ease her fears by telling her you don’t prefer one sex over the other and that you would never cheat on a romantic partner, especially not her. Add that her bi-phobia is pushing you away and making you feel rejected and unhappy. Those feelings are more likely to make you end the relationship than a hot guy walking down the street, so you need her to stop rejecting one of your core traits.

Good luck, Bi! Let me know what happens.

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com   

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“The best 10,000 we ever spent was when we paid to become ex-gay and met each other instead,”  says the Jansons a Gay married couple.  They note that there is another option rather than being shamed and ex-gay. You can love G-d and Jesus Christ and be loved by G-d and Jesus – and live your life happily gay in a monogamous relationship with someone of the same sex, great job, children, career and life.

But, says Janey Boynes, ex-lesbian Ministry – if you want Christ and G-d you have to accept their terms. That means don’t be gay.

The debate raged forth when the Jansons answered – what about Women?  According to the bible you should not be a Minister.   Are you accepting G-d’s terms?

Since starting his show, CNN ‘s Dr. Drew has failed to attained my interest. Tonight he did; he ended the  program – “Now you will understand why I prayed before this program.”

A subject of major importance according to my priorities as an activist and writer. What was encouraging to me was the in depth detail and well mixed group of speakers that Dr. Drew included into the conversation.

Dr. Drew had a bundle of well qualified guests on his show – Alan Chambers, the Executive Director of Exodus, self proclaimed Christian Ministry – that purports to counsel people with alternatives to homosexuality -  in truth a mask to their promotion of so called reparative therapy; Dr Alicia Salzer , a Psychiatrist who helps people traumatized by homophobic related reparative treatment;  Rev Doctor Neil Thomas from MCC Church; a married Gay couple who met at the Exodus Ex-Gay Conference;  Janey Boynes from her self named Ministry for ex-gays.

Reparative therapy comes from a conservative standpoint.  Dr. Salzer noted – “I see harm coming from it as a Psychiatrist.” The producer of a   documentary called “Abomination” she noted that she met hundreds of people who had tried such so called therapies which had ” resulted in very harsh circumstances.  Janey Boynes , describes herself as an ordained Evangelist, who gives spiritual guidance, to those looking to change!

“Very disturbing and sad, ” said the  MCC. Reverend.  Christians who love G-d are subjected to  psychology and spiritual violence with Exodus like ex-gay programs.  Why cant people be gay and Christian?

To compare it to disease and addictions is harmful was the consensus between those  guests who were vehemently opposed to the Exodus and ex-gay movement.   “Christians are not qualified to do such work in the name of Christianity.  It must stop. we must bring an end to this harm.

Alan chambers:  “We are a christian ministry – we are simply offering an alternative.  We cannot say it GAY  can be changed guaranteed. We are giving people  a chance to make a decision for themselves.   This remark was countered by the references to Exodus’ website and the billboards that  refer tacitly  to  the need to change – it was countered further by the comments stating that if Exodus is indeed offering alternative why do they fail to help confused people by shaming them about being Gay. The only way to not shame people – is to note that Gay is an okay way to stay – because its basically bullshit that Gay people when finding love – are unable to lead productive and happy lives.

Not everyone is Christian and yet Exodus expects people to live their lives based on their concept of death. The going to hell aspect is pervasive in conference, and everywhere.  It was even reiterated by Jayne on the show.  That was her message.  So while purporting to offer alternatives the reality is they are offering shame as the only alternative to so called reform and within the context they are denying that they are participating in what is known as reparative therapy.

Dr. Salzer noted that although  Chamber says that he is not a proponent of raparative therapy,  you will see books on – and referrals to reparative  therapy.

What is disconcerting is that while asserting counseling – what Exodus does is not therapeutic but  faith based and based on prayer. It is very confusing to ascertain precisely what they do.  Prayer or counseling – unclear?

Kids are killing hemselves because of the shame infused by people and groups like Exodus. They are  suicidal – not because they are born gay and ARE gay, lesbian, transgender, but because they are shamed into thinking it is not normal nor okay to be Gay by faith based groups.

The young  married couple , Larry and KC Janson assured that People are being detrimentally impacted, harmed and affected by faith based groups suggesting and messaging -that unless you are ex-gay you are diseased, addicted !- That the  programs to HELP to become ex-gay -  message: “Be gay and you will  get AIDS and have no kids and never attain a loving monogamous relationship – go to hell etc. -  of course they are going to want to be changed – but will  feel conflicted about their sexuality nonetheless and what could be more harmful than that message?

Larry Janson found love as did his husband KC  who comes from a Southern baptist Christian family.  They both believe that G-d loves them and are very strong in their faith – fully embracing their Christian religion. ” I can be who I am and have a relationship with G-d and still be gay.”

We have to find a way to eradicate these ministries that say G-d cant love LGBT people for being gay. ” Your conferences and billboards say you can change people, ” asserts Janson .  I dont understand how you can run that kind of ministry and d say you are not  touting reparative therapy.

Janey Boynes: “It is important to let viewers know that God loves everybody therefore G-d can change your life (burp !-oops that was me!) – that was a blupse  no on her part… I mean she just basically implied hell right – that change is a must!!!  That is exactly what Jansons and Dr. Salzer were asserting – that is the message of shame.  “I am a good friend of Alan  and support Exodus international-” and there is the buddy link – Birds of a feather. Chambers cannot escape the fact that Exodus and ex-gay provides in reality no alternative – but rather an imperative – “come to us because you must change.” Therein lies the danger – the spilled blood -!

UHUH Janey?

Her website:

“Let me share my testimony as I tell how God called me out of homosexuality.

I believe that what God has done for me, He can also do for you.

If you are struggling with homosexuality, I’m living proof that there is hope through Jesus Christ.

I can offer insight and help provide resources for those seeking a way out.”

———————————————————————

Dr. Drew ended the show by noting the huge amount of internet interest and the any questions.  We will post the Video as soon as we can.

I am now a fan Dr. Drew! It was clear that you are on the side of truth and science  – a realist and you also gave those crazies a fair shake!! Now lets just give them a shake….. comments please…

LETS TELL THE TRUTH ANYONE ONCE GAY IS NOW BISEXUAL – They admit the attraction is still there but in abatement and are in heterosexual relationships = BISEXUAL in my book.

This what appears on the Exodus website in FAQ’s – and show Mr Chambers up as a cowardly liar. To try and have us believe that EXODUS is not involved in shaming and reparative intent is plainly a lie.  I say thank goodness Apple refused his APP.  If you want your freedom of speech Mr. Chambers, then please dont speak with forked tongue!

What does the Bible say about homosexuality?

December 18, 2009 

The Bible is very clear about its condemnation of homosexual conduct. Both the Old and New Testaments speak with one voice on this subject. In spite of the publicity given to pro-gay theologians in recent years, serious and consistent exegetical study still allows no other interpretation.

Those who take seriously the authority of God’s Word should be aware that perhaps no subject poses a greater threat to the place of Scripture in our world today. If the world (and too often, even the church) can be convinced that we can ignore what the Bible teaches about homosexuality, then every other teaching of Scripture can be rationalized. Rejecting its teachings means confidence in the Bible as the inspired Word of God will be seriously eroded.

Unfortunately, Christians have not taken the time to prepare to defend the truth we believe. We may be familiar with the relevant passages, but simply quoting those passages will do nothing for those who have taken the time to understand the pro-gay arguments.

Those arguments usually will be based on one or more of the following approaches to the Bible:

1. References to homosexuality are simply relics of the culture at a certain time and place. Generally this argument does not deny what the Bible says; it just relegates it to a particular era of ignorance and prejudice.
2. The words used for homosexuality have been misunderstood and/or misinterpreted. These words don’t refer to homosexuality as we know it today.
3. Those who wrote the relevant passages of Scripture had no knowledge or understanding of committed gay relationships. Consequently, these passages only refer to specific homosexual acts and not homosexuality as a whole.
4. Jesus never said one word about homosexuality.

These arguments conveniently overlook several key factors. The passages that speak against homosexuality were written over a span of almost two thousand years. From the theocentric Old Testament tribes of the Judean wilderness to the cosmopolitan, multicultural and idol-saturated  cities of New Testament Greece and Rome, God clearly intended to call all cultures throughout all times to conform to His Word.

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By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
Facebook Melanie
twitter @oblogdeeoblogda

Melanie Nathan LGR - has the Hair and Michelle Meow from Swirl

Today Swirl Radio’s Michelle Meow and Mel Nathan (me) teamed up to interview Louis Marinelli, the ex-NOM summer bus tour activist who stunned the LGBT world April 8th, by jumping the Maggie Gallagher captained NOM anti- same-sex marriage ship – and boarding the yacht racing ahead toward LGBT Full Equality including gay marriage.

The Interview will be aired on Swirl Radio’s Saturday 23 April, 1.00pm show at 96.00 AM Bay Area, San Francisco; in Boston and (will announce other outlets).  The interview will also be transcribed for LezGetReal.

We were determined to get some extra bit of news from Louis, a delight to interview – sincere and friendly. We did – Louis Marinelli  informed us that he had watched the Maggie Gallagher on Video, receive her GetEQUAL  Anita Bryant Unparalleled Bigotry Award and happened to notice that she was NOT – I REPEAT -NOT wearing her wedding ring, as she entered a Congressional Committee hearing held at her whim to denounce the repeal of DOMA.

Now these are my questions -  and Maggie when you read LGR and comment please be sure to answer these questions….

Does Maggie have the hots for Senator McCain?
Does Maggie Gallager support open relationships as long as you are straight and married?
IS Maggie Gallagher the victim of Domestic abuse?
Is Maggie divorced/ separated getting divorced?
Is Maggie a LESBIAN – ?

or is her Wedding ring being sized for weight loss?

to read more and see Video visit  :_ http://lezgetreal.com/2011/04/maggie-gallagher-gets-anita-bryant-award-for-unparalleled-bigotry-at-congressional-anti-gay-hearing/

Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

According to CNN - Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband wants his 94-year-old wife to become a mother again using an egg donor, artificial insemination and a surrogate mother, Prince Frederic von Anhalt told CNN Thursday.  “I’ve gone through the initial steps of donor matching and blood work and next week the donation process will begin,” von Anhalt said.

Gabor’s only child, Francesca Hilton, described herself as shocked when told of the plan Thursday. “That’s just weird,” Hilton said.

Von Anhalt, 67, said he is working with Dr. Mark Surry of the Southern California Reproductive Center in Beverly Hills. CNN calls to the center have not been returned. Gabor has suffered major health problems in the last year, including hip replacement surgery and a leg amputation. She has been unable to walk since a 2002 car accident.

“I’m a retired guy,” von Anhalt said. “I can take care of it.” -  IT – take care of IT – the THING, THE baby or the Deal?

Gabor talked about adding a new baby to the family when they got married 25 years ago, and she brought the topic up again in recent months, he said.

Gabor is not foreign to denying age and reality. Some years back my cousin was fired from a project -  styling Gabor for the cover of Vogue – way back in the 1980′s.  Gabor gave Cuz her clothing size for the shoot.  When Cuz showed up – to her horror she found that Gabor had significantly  underestimated her own size.   Was there also not a story to do with slapping a cop when stopped for a traffic violations with age dishonesty on driver’s license?

One reason is their desire to have someone carry on the famous Gabor name. None of her two sisters left an heir and her only child does not use the Gabor name, von Anhalt said.  Ahuh good reason to have a BABY – with senile and footless parents. Nice -  Interesting that BABY Gabor will not take in Daddy Gabor’s famous name! The Prince of whatever – does he have an heir or is this a one sided deal.

Francesca Hilton, 64, is Gabor’s only child, the product of her second marriage to hotel magnate Conrad Hilton.  She told CNN that her full name is Constance Francesca Gabor Hilton.

The process, which includes finding an egg donor and a surrogate mother to give birth to the baby, will cost about $100,000, von Anhalt estimated. The prince, who acquired his royal title when he was adopted as an adult by a German woman, is Gabor’s ninth husband. AH he is NOT a real Prince! or not a blood one anyway.

He has complained in recent months about financial burdens caused by his wife’s hospitalizations. While he put their Bel Air, California mansion up for sale earlier this year, he said he is not actively marketing it. “In life you need something to live for,” he said. “If my wife passes away before me, I have nothing to live for.”  Good excuse-  bring on the baby an infant an infant….

The Hungarian-born actress, famous for films a million years ago – No not T-Rex survives the Civil War – Her more prominent films include John Huston’s Toulouse-Lautrec biopic, “Moulin Rouge,” in 1952, “The Story of Three Loves” in 1953, “The Girl in the Kremlin” in 1957, and Orson Welles’ 1958 cult classic, “Touch of Evil.”

source http://www.cnn.com/2011/SHOWBIZ/celebrity.news.gossip/04/14/gabor.baby/index.html?eref=rss_topstories&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+rss%2Fcnn_topstories+%28RSS%3A+Top+Stories%29

Melanie Nathan

04/11/2011- by Natasia

Do you feel like women are just using you for sex? (Yes, mainstream America. Women enjoy sex and no matter what Sex and the City tells you, we are capable of no strings attached sex. Yes, even lesbians) Do all your dates turn into hook-ups or one night stands? I’m here to help turn that around!  

Hi Natasia,

I was kind of an ugly duckling, I’ve been hot for about a year now and at first it was great. I didn’t realize how easy it would be for me to meet women. I’m a nester and it seems like all the girls I date just want to use me for sex, one night stands, two night stands, bootycalls whatever. I’ve been dating for like 10 months now and it keeps happening. I meet girls in bars and clubs, but also through mutual friends and at the gym.

I think maybe part of it might be because sometimes they are too much younger than I am, I’m late 20s and sometimes I end up with girls in their early 20s. I think it could be a cultural thing too. I’m Brazilian and sex and passion mean different things to me than they do to some American girls. I take it to heart. I don’t think these women see all the potential I see in them…or maybe I’m just being too nice. I’ve always been inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt. One girl told me that we wouldn’t just have sex…then of course we did, cuz I have no will power! How do I turn these girls into potential romantic partners instead of just sex partners?

- Too Sexy Nester

Hi Nester,

It sucks to feel like you are being used for sex! There is definitely a disconnect between the way you are approaching these women and the way they are approaching you. The gym and mutual friends are a great way to meet women, bars and clubs, not as great, but it’s important that you keep putting yourself out there. So keep meeting women at the gym and through mutual friends, but make sure they are closer to your age range. Although there aren’t as many years between you and girls in their early 20s, people change a lot during those years and early 20s are usually for partying. You can tell your friends who want to play matchmaker that you are looking for girlfriend material, that might keep them from introducing you to the town stud.

Meeting a girl in bar makes your appearance the most important thing to her (that’s why she brought you that drink right?) so take looks out of the equation and try some LGBT volunteer work. This way the women you meet know something important about your personality right off the bat and are drawn to your altruism instead of your pretty face. Also, try online dating. I know, I know, it seems awful, but it’s a great way to weed out the girls who are just looking for sex and find the ones that are looking to settle down.

Sigh and now…the Rule. I hate the Rule because it’s so archaic BUT if you are looking for a serious partner…you are going to have to make her work to get you in bed. I would recommend waiting a month from the first date before you get busy in the sheets. This serves two purposes: 1) It will get rid of the girls who aren’t serious about you, can’t see how amazing you are and that you are worth waiting for. 2) It will protect your heart and make you feel less bad when a girl calls it quits. If you feel used by these women, break the cycle now, before it gets worse!

Good luck Nester! I hope you find what you are looking for. Keep me updated.

xoxo
The femme

Have a question only I can answer? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com

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Image via Wikipedia

04/05/2011- by Natasia

It was my birthday this weekend! Sooooo in honor of me being old, today we are going to tackle this very timely question: finding the perfect birthday present for that special girl in your life. It’s hard, women are picky and generally you are going to have to read her mind in order to make her happy! A birthday kiss isn’t going to do the trick. So lets get to it girls:

Dear Femme,
Well I decided that I would ask a beautiful femme like yourself what I should get the perfect femme for her birthday. I happen to live extremely far away, and come from a totally different lifestyle. It’s making it very confusing on what she would like or if she would be like “wtf is this crap?!” I know she wants shoes….but honestly I wouldn’t even know where to began on that since we normally wear boots around here, and i know that wont fly for Miss NYC. I even thought about a couple funky colored horse figurines, but that is just dumb. I would really like to send her something that she doesn’t have around there. Can you give me some tips on what I should get?? Because I’m about to send her some chaps (they have no butt in them which makes this a funny haha type of thing) and some riding boot house shoes and call it good!
 
Thanks,
Stuck in the Mud

On the other hand, sending her something specific to your region sounds like a great idea! I think the funky colored horses sound really cute. Even the most jaded New York City girl wouldn’t think they were dumb if they were sent by someone who wanted to share their culture (ahem and maybe something else?) with her. Maybe there is a specific type of art or craft that is popular where you live that she would appreciate. In Charleston basketweaving and grass woven flowers are created by natives and are sold all over the city, but you can’t get them anywhere else. In Arizona you can get pottery made with horse hair baked in (it looks a lot prettier than it sounds.) Any girl would appreciate such a thoughtful gift.

Good luck impressing your girl, Stuck!

Xoxo
The femme

Have a question for me? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com

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Is He?

3/30/2011 – by Cynthia S. Wright

Nothing strikes fear in a straight woman’s heart more than pondering whether your man may have his eye on another. Particularly, if the ‘other’ person happens to be of the male persuasion. Well, fret no more ladies, there is a new book in town brought to you by Tonja Ayers, the author who wrote “A Ho Needs 2 Stay in a Ho’s Place” – a handbook for the ‘other’ woman (other being the ones who like to get it in with married or otherwise taken men) with a topic like that, surely her new book won’t disappoint. Published by Emperial Publishing, “Is Your Man Gay?” tackles one of the most controversial issues in the black female community – down low black men. If you ever suspect that your man might be creeping, better yet and if you suspect that his other boo might be a man – than this book may just be for you!

Ayers combines a user-friendly handbook layout along with interesting, common sense advice that will enable the reader to tackle this situation head on and deal with the repercussions while coming out stronger in the end. “I can’t tell you how many women are suffering in silence…and if this book makes a difference even for one of them, I have accomplished my goal,” she says. Even though Ayers admits that she is not a psychiatrist or therapist, she counters by saying she has plenty of real life experience pertaining to this topic.

The author follows up by saying she doesn’t have anything against gay men, her issue is with the liars that enter into relationships when they know they aren’t fully invested. So down low men, your days are numbered – so come clean while you still can. The book is available on her website at: http://www.isheorishenot.com/.

It’s time to ask the femme and let’s talk about sports, baby! A certain San Francisco native I know is in love with her long-term partner…but her partner’s extreme love is baseball is coming between them! Sports Freak makes her girlfriend watch EVERY game with her, or she won’t hang out with her at all! What should they do? They came to me for help, duh! Watch to find out what I recommend for these lovely ladies:

Have a question for me? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com

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Natasia Langfelder

In kind of hot and kind of sad news, Samantha Ronson is officially dating Tiffany Russo, bisexual yoga instructor. I know, hot right?The straight media is freaking out all like “OMG SHE WAS MARRIED TO A MAN! RONSON IS DATING A STRAIGHT WOMAN!” No, no she’s not. Ms. Russo is either bisexual or queer or sexually fluid. It’s ok, lets all calm down. Tiffany is hot and into vadge. I want my beloved SamRo to be happy BUT…

WHAT ABOUT LINDSAY? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHO WILL SHE DATE NOW?! WILL SHE GO BACK TO MEN??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO LINNNNNDDSSAAAYYY. STAY GAAAYYYYYY!

Sigh. I guess all dreams have to die at some point and it seems like Tiffany Russo is probably the nail in the coffin for SamRomeo and Lindsiette. She’s pretty and probably sane. How will SamRo go back to crazy after she has sane? I guess we can all just wait and seeeeeee.  

Lindsay also told RadarOnline that she is friends with Tiffany and has no problem with her and is still friends with SamRo. Probably because Tiffany is 34 and it’s always less painful when your ex goes for someone older, amirite? [Source] 

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Now that I’ve officially committed to being single, something horrible has happened: I’ve realized single people go on dates. Like, first dates.

I was kind of hoping we could jump right into the third? Or just cut straight to the sex, minus the date part? Oh, that’s right, I’m a lesbian, not a gay dude. (Sorry boys, I know I’m stereotyping.) Pretty sure there’s a reason why we don’t have Grindr for women. Most women want to be wined and dined before getting into anything physical. At least if they’re not meeting for the first time in a bar and drunkenly getting it on in the bathroom, that is.

(On a side note, gross! Public restrooms? I’m not by any means pleading innocent to this type of encounter, but I’m hoping to someday grow out of that phase.)

Back to my point. People date for different reasons. For those chicks that want to remain single, first dates determine whether there is enough chemistry to even pursue wild-oat sowing. For those looking for relationships, first dates are a chance to get a glimpse of her personality, get to know her likes and dislikes.

I haven’t figured out exactly why I’m dating yet. Being a serial monogamist and having singledom (singlehood?) forced upon me, I’m dating because, for some mysterious reason, I feel I HAVE to. Am I looking for a relationship? I don’t know. Do I need to know the answer to this before I jump into the dating pool? Are girls expecting me to know? Well, too late, I’ve already had…um…three dates. In seven months. I’m clearly on a roll.

I don’t know; I figure if I’m asked, I’ll just say that I’m not looking for anything serious and let nature take its course. Does it make me a player/slut/whore to want to sleep with someone even if I don’t want a relationship with them? I haven’t figured out how this crap works yet!

Would this mean I don’t have values? I like to think that I do. Sex means something different to everyone, right?

All I know is that since my last relationship ended, my friends have been encouraging me to “play the field.” Even my life coach said I had to “try on more shoes.” Damn. More first dates. I hate ‘em.

Why?

First thing I’ve noticed. The girls all expect me to pick the place. Is this because I look like the guy? I thought we had transcended gender stereotypes/roles. I personally find it sexy if SHE picks the place. Maybe this is because I’m a girl myself. (I know, amazing, isn’t it?) But I like to think it’s because I like a girl who knows what she wants and is confident enough to make decisions. Besides, I’d rather be the boss in other areas of.. ahem. Anyway.

Also, I know the rule is supposed to be ‘whoever asks, pays’. I like this rule. I usually ask. And sometimes even when I’m asked, I offer to pay. (If the date is good. If it isn’t…sorry, lady, I’m excusing myself when the bill comes. Kidding! Maybe.) What about those cases when it isn’t clear cut who was the asker/askee? Everyone I’ve brought this up to has said “Split it,” but… now I’m putting myself into that gender stereotype… Isn’t that… awkward? Let me answer that. Yes. And since that lovely experience, I’ve paid. But, how to get around this in the future?

Finally, how do you decide when the date is over? One of my dates was for a football game. Excellent! Game over! Go home! And wasn’t that the LONGEST second half I’ve ever had to sit through? And I even LIKE football! Lunch dates are fine. Especially during the work week. Hour’s up, and done! But what about dinner dates? Ok, we’re done eating. Guess we’ll sit and talk for…awhile. Heh. That was actually a good date. Soooo… do I invite her home? I chickened out.

As with any activity, practice makes perfect, and I’ve not had much practice. Obviously, the more shoes I try on, the better they’ll start fitting, right? At least I should start to get a feel for what kind of shoe I like? Sometimes the ones that look the best in the store hurt like hell when you get them on.. Oooh, I could go on all day with this analogy! I’m cutting myself off… and headed back to Foot Locker. Ha!

What are your first date tips? Warnings? Horror/success stories? Share below. Contact Riley Dylan at RDylan1980@gmail.com

Image via Wikipedia

03/17/2011- by Natasia Langfelder

MediaTakeOut.com is reporting that a reliable inside source confirmed to them that rapper Missy Elliot briefly dated singer/songwriter Keri Hilson, before Hilson got famous and presumably before Elliot got married. The ’insider’ describes the affair to MTO, saying:

“Missy is a larger than life personality. She’s like a dude. I’ve seen her turn out straight girls…Missy [and Keri] started off as friends, but Missy was really seducing her. Keri ended up [infatuated] with Missy, she may have even been in love.”

But Missy, like most rappers, is a hit-it-and-quit-it kinda gal. So after the two’s WHIRLWIND ROMANCE, Missy dumped Keri. The insider added, “Keri was broken up [about the breakup." [sic] [Source]

Like a dude? Yeah, just vaguely offensive. Am I 100% sure this story is true? No. Am I reporting it anyway? Yes, because a suspected lesbian affair is not an insult to Keri Hilson and to be honest…I kind of got the lady lovin’ vibe from her ever since she hit the scene and my gaydar is pretty spot on. “Pretty Girl Rock” however, extremely offensive to my ears. That song is so stupid.  

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Hey lezzies!  I’m Riley and I’m here to offer a boi’s perspective on love, dating and relationships.  This week, the focus is on those exes that just… don’t… get it!  Email your questions to RDylan1980@gmail.com.

Dearest Riley,

I’m at a loss. I broke up with my girlfriend over two months ago, but she continues to email, call, and incessantly text me! Sometimes I respond, but not frequently at all. I never initiate the conversation. I never return her calls. And I haven’t said “I love you” back to her since the day before we broke up. On top of it, the things she is texting me? Complete nonsense! “I fell asleep in class today, ha!” or “I just got done skinning a cat!” or “I had to blow my nose right when I woke up this morning. Isn’t that funny?” (Actual texts.) I would think the lack of response would translate to “STOP TEXTING ME!” but it hasn’t. I’ve also tried the, “It’s too hard for me to be friends with you right now; I think we should stop talking for a while” (which lasted a day). And now her BFF has become involved and is scolding ME for continuing to break her friend’s heart. If I tell my ex straight up how I feel, it’ll kill her. She’s young, vulnerable, and heart-broken. And of course, I’m her first/only girl, so she’s taking it that much harder.

What do I do???

-Annoyed in MN

Ooh thanks, Ms. Minnesota, I’m glad I’m someone’s “dearest”.

Ah, the dangers of being the “first girl.” You opened someone’s mind to an entirely different way of viewing life and love. What an exciting and rewarding experience! And yet, as in any relationship, there is always the possibility that the love won’t last. And those girls that have just allowed themselves to play in a very different pool suddenly realize they’re swimming alone. What can you do when they try to cling to you to keep from drowning?

You had me laughing at the “actual texts,” I have to admit. (Skinning a cat… what?!) Perhaps sending some fun texts back in her direction would do the trick? How about “I keep getting random texts from a crazy ex! Oh wait, that’s you! Haha!” or “I’m going on a date. Did you think I looked better in the green button up or the black one?”

Ok, ok, I’m being insensitive. Of course that would be the wrong move. The right one isn’t always easy.

Unfortunately, sometimes people don’t understand what a lack of response or delayed response to a text might mean. See my column on Avoiding Creepers for more thoughts on that subject. I appreciate that you’ve tried a direct approach with her, in telling her outright that you should stop talking. I’m sorry it didn’t work.

It’s great when friends become involved, isn’t it? And then friends of friends. Suddenly complete strangers are walking up to you in the street saying “God, you’re such a jerk!” Brush off the BFF. She isn’t your BFF. This business is between you and your ex, and you don’t have to answer to anyone else.

Ms. Minnesota, I know you know this: heartbreak is a part of life. It’s a completely necessary part of life to go through. It’s imperative for us to realize that we can get over former lovers. Time passes. New people come into our lives. Yes, she’s heartbroken. You obviously meant a great deal to this girl and it’s sweet that you want to protect her, even though you’re no longer with her. But you already know what needs to be done, Ms. MN. You said it yourself. “Tell her straight up how I feel.”

You know what else? It won’t kill her.

Be direct. Be honest. Be real. Be firm. Be kind.

That’s my advice.

You’ve noted that she has other friends that care for her. Eventually she might respect you for allowing her to move on that much more quickly. Each break up we go through is a learning experience. I can tell you one thing: break ups never get easier, especially if you’re the one being broken up with. And it isn’t a great feeling knowing that you’ve hurt someone, either.

But it will be a great feeling to know that you were true to yourself, while being as compassionate as possible.

Thanks for writing!

-Riley

Hey ladieeees! Welcome to the first Vlog of LGR’s popular advice column. Watch it below, if for no other reason than you get a quick glimpse of my bra strap. As always email your love quandries to me at askafemme@yahoo.com

Okay. This one falls under the heading of truly dumb reasons to deny gays the right to marry….. it would deny them the right to procreate. Apparently, perpetual Presidential candidate Alan Keyes believes that there is only one way to create a baby, and that involves intercourse between a male and female.

Writing in WingNutDaily, Keyes postulates that “Government doesn’t endow people with the ability to procreate the species. The Creator takes care of that. Like all unalienable rights, those associated with the natural family exist in consequence of this endowment. A couple that cannot, by nature, procreate has no claim to those rights. Nor can government grant them a semblance of it without impairing the claims of one or both of the parents biologically implicated in the physical conception of the child. The DOMA simply makes more explicit the government’s obligation to secure the Creator-endowed unalienable rights of the natural family. This obligation precludes government from fabricating other rights that impair them. In this respect, granting homosexuals the right to marry is like granting plantation owners the right to own slaves.”

Mr. Keyes, would you like to explain to Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban that they do not have the right to be married because Ms. Kidman has, in numerous attempts, only brought one pregnancy to term and they chose to use artificial means to bring a second child into their lives? How about other couples, straight couples, who cannot conceive, other women who cannot carry a pregnancy to term, men and women who have some medical condition that renders them sterile. Do you want to deny them the right to marry?

Or maybe, like Tom Cruise, you think men should be able get rid of any wife who can’t produce a child and then make sure the next one can before he marries her.

Keyes’ statement is the kind of jackass remark one can expect as long as liberals refuse to take on the right wing on the Constitutional grounds of freedom FROM state-imposed religion. Our government does not have an obligation to impose the tenets of any religion. Rather, it has an obligation to protect us from laws that impose religious laws over secular ones. In Keyes’ mind, the state should be demanding fertility testing before it issues a marriage license because procreation is God’s only reason for sanctioning marriage. A marriage license is a state-issued contract, not a religious one. The religious ceremony and the presence of clergy are not necessary to the validation of that contract. As long as someone authorized by the state – a justice of the peace, a judge, a municipal clerk – can validate a marriage license, can conduct a commitment ceremony in accordance with state law, marriage is a civil and secular matter, not a religious one.

The one question no one seems willing to ask is this: why are the lawyers who argue same-sex marriage and abortion cases so unwilling to argue them under the First Amendment? Aren’t these cases more important than Nativity scenes in public parks or Bible readings in schools? What are they afraid of, that God will strike them dead for demanding that our nation live up to the principles set out in our Constitution?

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Image via Wikipedia

02/22/2011- by Natasia Langfelder

Can you guys believe that Rosie O’Donnell and girlfriend Tracy Katrick-Anders were together for a whole year? That means Rosie and wife Kelli Carpenter have been split for over a year. Sigh, it just seems like yesterday.

Anywho, Tracy and Rosie’s split affects about a million children. Katrick-Anders has six of her own and Kelli and Rosie have four, so it was pretty irresponsible of them to U-haul it. However, Rosie’s rep is doing damage control saying: “Rosie and Tracy never officially lived under one roof. They have lived near one another for quite some time, and their families still socialize and they see each other frequently.” [Source]

Basically, don’t worry the kids are alright. Pun intended. It’s too bad these two crazy kids couldn’t work it out for the sake of the many, many children. Who’s Rosie going to date next? My money is on either Britney Spears or Chaz Bono. It’s so going to be one of those two.  

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Melanie Nathan- 02-19-2011

Across the country, gay couples and their allies stepped up to marriage counters around the country to ask for licenses. Some were turned away, some were arrested, and all will be back every year until we all have the freedom to marry.

Thank you Matt Baume for this extraordinary montage depicting Valentine’s day equality action and civil disobedience around the U.S.A and the rest of the World.

There is simply no reason fathomable that should preclude same-sex couples from the basic right to marry and share in the laws applicable to married couples of the opposite sex.

and behind the scenes

Creepers. Dictionary defined as “one who creeps.”

You know who they are. They’re part of your social circle and they’ve never really had a serious girlfriend. The girls waiting for you in the dark corners of the bar, ready to take advantage of the opportunity when you’ve had one too many beers to try out their lame pick-ups lines. The girls you really wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole, but you feel obligated to speak to, because you feel a little sorry for them, and you’re really a nice person. They might even be good friendship material except for the fact that they never realize you don’t like them “that way.” I’ve quickly learned that one of the downfalls of not having a girlfriend is being without someone to blame things on or use as an excuse.

It’s important to recognize the warning signs of a creeper early on. I made the mistake of inviting an un-confirmed creeper over for a movie one night. I was pretty confident I’d made it clear that we were just friends, so was stupidly surprised when she showed up with two bottles of wine. Was even more surprised when she drunkenly tried to sit in my lap halfway through the movie and relieved when she eventually passed out on the couch. If I had paid attention to red flags earlier on, I might not have been shocked to be awakened in the middle of the night with her kneeling next to my bed and stroking my hair. True story.

If you’re single, you might have a couple creepers. Not sure? Here’s how to find out.

Creeper Test 1: Text to/from ratio
If she is texting you 5 times to your one, someone is creeping you. Yes, creeping is a verb.

Creeper Test 2: Are they sending you unprompted suggestive texts that you continually ignore?
“I have class on Saturday until 4. Nothing that night.” “I’m off at 11.” “When are we hanging out?” “My roommate is out for the night. I’m all alone. ”

I wait several hours before responding to creeper texts. This is standard. I’ve even waited days. Unfortunately, the lesbian community is small, and you might come across as an asshole if you completely ignore them.

Hint to creepers reading this: If I’m waiting more than 24 hours to text you back, it ain’t happenin’.

Creeper Test 3: Do you have a Facebook/Twitter page stalker?
Creepers will pop up on your Facebook chat while you are browsing your news feed, unaware of being signed in. They usually don’t even know how to start a conversation.

Creeper chat: “Hey.”

Shit. Damn Facebook. I thought I was offline.

They comment on most of your statuses, usually completely unrelated to whatever you’ve just posted.

Me: “I just ate pancakes and boy were they delicious!”
Creeper comment: “I am wondering if you are online and no one can see you… are in stealth mode…? Lol.”

Yes, I’m in stealth mode. I go through life in stealth mode, thanks to creepers.

Creeper Test 4: Can they take a hint?
Creepers can’t pick up on your subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle clues. You can give reason after reason to avoid them. They’ll wait you out.

Creeper: “What are you doing Friday night?”
Me: “Um, my dog ate my homework…” Dammit, wrong excuse.

My excuse of the week: “No, I can’t go out for a drink… I’m on a cleanse.” Of course, I then made the mistake of tweeting something about happy hour with the girls from work.

Immediate creeper text: “I thought you were on a cleanse?” (See Test #3)

I’ve tried a variety of excuses. “I’m not looking for anything serious.” “I’m a mess.” “I just want some time to myself.”

Creepers still don’t get it. “Oh, I don’t want anything serious either. We can just be friends who fuck sometimes.”

Best to have an answer ready for that one. I prefer “I’ve gotten really religious lately. I’m thinking about becoming a nun.”

Creeper Test 5: Are they socially awkward?
Do they laugh at everything you say? Even when you aren’t trying to be funny?

Me: I’m so tired this morning. Need coffee.
Creeper: LOL! OMG you crack me up! LMAO!

Umm…

How to Avoid Creeping:
First of all, don’t fail tests 1 through 5. Relax, if the girl you like is into you, she’s going to find a way to let you know. Let her come to you.

Desperation is not attractive. Even though I’m single, I try not to appear desperate. For example, if I receive a text from the girl I’m crushing on I’ll wait at least 5 minutes before responding. Of course, if I notice that it’s taken her 8 minutes to reply, I’ll wait at least 9 before getting back to her. It’s all a part of knowing how to play the game. Less is more.

Most importantly, though, let me remind you: Pay attention to tell-tale creeper signs. Your restful night’s sleep depends on it.

What are your creeper horror stories? Standard excuses? Share your comments below.

Riley Dylan can be reached at RDylan1980@gmail.com.

In this very special installment of Lez Ask the Boi and the Femme, Riley and Natasia tackle the sensitive and ouchy subject of waxing. Some of us do it, most of us need it so read our tips to stay on top of your sexy.

Dear Riley & Natasia, I couldn’t decide whether to ask the Boi or the Femme so I decided to ask you both. I really like this girl I work with and she agreed to go on a date with me! This is my first date with another girl and I want to look ultra good and sexy for this date. I’m thinking about doing something I’ve never done before…WAXING. I’m scared it will hurt. I’m thinking like what if I kiss her and we get all up close and she can see every hair on my face? I’m trying not to get too far ahead of myself but should I also be prepared in case we go all the way? Everyone says it hurts a lot and I’m scared I will be all red and sore after. Where should I go and what should I get done?

Harry

Hi Harry, Thanks for writing in! You are helping to shed light on an aspect of being a woman that we don’t like to talk about, unwanted hair removal! First of all know you are not alone, there is a waxing salon on every other block in Manhattan and they all do good business.

Waxing Your Lady Bits

I’m going to tackle the lady bits waxing issue with you. Make an appointment a few days before your date to get waxed; this will help just in case there is some redness after the wax.  You will have a few days for it to go away and you can always help it along with a hypoallergenic lotion. Make an appointment with a salon in your neighborhood that you have walked by before and that looks clean and sanitary. If you book an appointment with a place and go in and don’t feel like it’s clean enough, say “no thanks” and walk out. Don’t be embarrassed; your vadge is tooooo important.

Pain Prevention

Right before you leave the house to get to your appointment, take some rapid release painkillers such as Tylenol to help take some of the sting out of the waxing. I can’t lie, it’s gonna hurt. No matter what you do, it’s gonna hurt. It’s a fact of life.

Types of Wax

There are two types of waxing methods: hard wax and strips. Strip waxing is when hot wax is applied and then a strip of paper is stuck on and that rips off the hair. Hard wax is when hot wax is applied and it hardens and gets pulled off. Basically the results differ for different people. Personally, I know a lot of women that think hard wax hurts less, so that’s a good tip for a first timer.

Styling

Let’s talk about the um…hairstyle you want. Brazilians are still popular, that’s when the whole enchilada comes off, including the backside. Some women adore it and some feel too naked. Also popular is a landing strip, when only a small strip of hair is left in the middle on the top. It’s kind of a more “adult” look. There is also a plain old bikini wax, where the waxer will only remove the hair that would show if you were hitting a beach in your bikini. Bikini waxing is by far the least ouchy and is also a good place to start for a first timer. Also Harry, you might want to ask your waxer for a “stomach strip” during your wax if you have a treasure trail. It’s cheap and really helps complete the sexy look of your wax. The upside of waxing these sensitive areas as opposed to shaving is that the more you wax, the finer and thinner the hair grows back and most women are generally less prone to ingrown hair.

So go for it, baby dyke! Let me know if your girl gets that far! Now Riley is going to fill us in on the deets of facial waxing.  

Um, Waxing Your Other Bits?

 
I’m going to pretend there isn’t a reason I’m getting handed the section on facial waxing.  Eh, to hell with the pretending, sometimes those of us with a lil’ more testosterone are predisposed to looking a little more “boy” than “boi” when it comes to our faces.  I’ll start by saying that there are some chicks who dig a girl with a ‘stache, so if you are going for the JD Samson look, or maybe are even in the process of transitioning, by all means, skip over this paragraph.  And Frida Kahlo never had any trouble with men OR women.  If you wanna wear it, wear it proud!

But for those of you that could do without the unwanted hair that may rest above your lip or below your chin, Natasia has already laid out some good advice.  Book a day or two in advance of any potential dates and let the waxer work her magic.  I recommend allowing a professional to do the honors, rather than attempting it at home with any of the over-the-counter products.  It isn’t much more expensive and there is no mess to clean.

And let’s not forget eyebrows.  If they have a tendency to wander down your face, ask your waxer for a natural shape and you should be able to keep up the maintenance on your own at home.

Good luck!  I hope we’ve helped you out of a ‘hairy’ situation!

Have a question for the Boi or the Femme? Email askafemme@yahoo.com or rdylan1980@gmail.com or become our Facebook friends! www.facebook.com/natasiarose www.facebook.com/rdylan1

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• Lez Ask the Boi: Am I Leading Her On? (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Should I Let My Girlfriend Have a Boyfriend? (lezgetreal.com)

Image by jimmy.walker via Flickr

2/2/2011- by Natasia Langfelder

Ladies, have you been jealous because gay men can find casual sex on their iphones with Grindr? Well now there is an app for you to find casual sex with strangers too! There is a new app in town developed for the sole purpose of finding you new beaver called “Wheretheladies.At”

Oh, Queerty actually informed me that the app was designed for straight guys. BUT if we all get on it and use it, then we can take it back right? Just like how we all got together and collectively took back the word “queer.” The app works by checking foursquare to see where women have checked in. So lesbians, check in often and we will all be on the road to finding each other. of course, there are only like three or four places we are going to check in anyway. Umm, let me guess, there are ladies at Cubbyhole, Henriettas, RF Lounge and Home Depo?

Happy vadge hunting ladies! Also, I know a few gay couples that have met on Grindr so feel free to use the app to find someone to U-haul with, not just sex-up.  

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Melanie Nathan – Jan 23-2011, France’s highest authority, the Constitutional Court,  is set to  discuss the issue of gay marriage this week, after a lesbian couple challenged the country’s ban on same gender marriage. Corinne Cestino and Sophie Haßlau, who have four children and live together, entered into a civil union called a PACS ten years ago.  They launched a bid in May 2010, to question the constitutionality of France’s position on gay marriage.

The Court of Cassation recommended that the issue be forwarded to the Constitutional Council, as gay marriage is “now the subject of wide debate in society, in particular because of the evolution of manners and recognition of marriage between same sex legislation in several foreign countries.”

The French Constitutional Council are expected to release a statement on 28 January.

Gay marriages are recognised in Belgium, Iceland, the Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Spain and Sweden.

Emmanuel Ludor, the couple’s lawyer, said: “They want to get married because they consider it an essential tool for building a family.”

source: http://www.divamag.co.uk/diva/update.asp

Hey Riley,

I’ve been flirting back and forth with a girl from my basketball team. Its in really early stages right now, but I can tell she’s into me and she’s hot and we get along great. Problem is she lives with her girlfriend. I’m single. I really like her though! Is this something that I should just leave alone? I’m not sure what her intentions are with flirting with me like if she wants to leave her girlfriend or just play around. What should I do?? I don’t want to be a homewrecker but she started the flirting! Should I even care? Is it my problem or is it ok to go for it?

Full Court Press in Dayton, OH

Listen up, Dayton.

Slooooooow dowwwnnn, tiger. Let me start with your last question. Is this your problem? Short answer: Yes, it is. Why? Because you have to make some decisions. To continue flirting or to stop. If you’re asking me permission to go for it, then I’m thinking you aren’t wanting to stop. I completely understand, to be honest. Everyone wants what they can’t have. You do: she’s in a relationship and is supposed to be off-limits. She does: she’s in a relationship and is supposed to HAVE limits. I also think its true that it’s impossible to steal someone out of a relationship that isn’t already broken, so the label “home-wrecker” might not apply. That doesn’t mean that it is your job to help break it the rest of the way.

Facts first. She’s in a serious relationship with someone else. They live together. She is sending signals that things aren’t right at home and is testing the waters by flirting with you. There is obvious mutual chemistry between the two of you.

Points to consider: Do you want to date this girl, as in long-term? Or do you just want to sleep with her? Is it worth the drama in either case?

What would happen if you quit flirting? I think if you tried this, you might see how seriously she was pursuing you. She could begin flirting with someone else, work on her relationship with her girlfriend, or maybe pursue you even more. If she were to continue to chase you, this would give you a reason to have a convo with her and bring everything out in to the open. If she is really interested, why not a clean break from her girlfriend? If she stops pursuing you, then it was totally not worth it.

Lately I’ve been finding that in the lesbian scene there seems to be a general lack of respect for one another’s relationships. Everyone flirts with each other; everyone has slept with each other. There are few boundaries. It can be fun; it can be exciting. It’s naughty. But it gets old. And it gets stressful. You have to decide what kind of life you want for yourself, Dayton, OH. I’m one of the least judgmental people you could meet, but will tell you that instant gratification will often lead to a whole lot of unnecessary drama. Put the brakes on and the ball back in her court.

Let me know how it turns out!

- Riley

Have a question for Riley? Email rdylan1980@gmail.com

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Without any hope left, Hackett took her own life on Christmas Eve.  The writer of the report, David Taffet questions whether ‘ interpretation’ of laws to discount a same-sex relationship be the underlying cause of this needless death?

I do not believe blaming legal interpretation to be helpful because laws are always subject to interpretation and one side always looses, a natural concomitant of any legal system; and not something one can avoid.  However I do think that a few aspects blast at us about society, law and legal system and these all serve to exacerbate the extreme stress placed on any parent fighting for custody or visitation of a child. In this case the problem is heightened by one simple fact and that is that the law pertaining to custody and visitation of the children of same-sex couples, lack clarity and uniformity and case law is not well established to provide precedent.

Apparently this was a jury trial, where both  parties had witnesses who spoke at trial to both parents’ ability to be a stable influence on the child.   Debie apparently had issues and the other parent was not perfect either. Several people testified  Debie having had past mental illness which “she often chose not to medicate, and she was unstable” according to one comment.

However none of this provides a reason enough to take away a child from a parent.   Unless there was the chance of the child being harmed and in that event there should have been an order for regular supervised visitation. If this mother, Debie lost all custody and visitation I would hedge my bet that this Jury returned its verdict because they weighed in that Debie was not the biological parent – and that is pure prejudice.

But here are the real problems that bite at  custody matters in general -

1. Lower court Judges are elected and often not appointed. If voted in they will rule according to political viability of the community attitude. There is always a way to interpret the law accordingly;  And in the case of a Jury – well I think Juries should not be the one’s to hear custody cases, ever and I can only imagine the bias toward aq lesbian non biological parent.

2. The cost of sustaining a well fought case is unconscionable. No parent should have to spend what can amount to hundreds of thousands of dollars to fight for their right to see their child – the resulting financial hardship must factor in to the stress;

3. The loss of custody of a child – is like death;

4. Finally the legal system is slow and fails in many respects- evaluations, qualifications of professionals and much more;

Now to add to all this – in a case such as this particular tragedy, is Debbie Hackett was a lesbian parent and so many aspects of our society frown on lesbian parents because many believe sexual orientation is a reason to deprive a non biological parent and even a biological parent, as the case may be, of their parental rights.

Trying to function normally and fight for an unclear right, unsupported by society, which doubts your actual right to be a parent, per se, may well be the final straw for anyone subjected to the hellish nightmare of a custody battle.

If I were to caste blame – it would be on the  parent who refused  to share custody or provide visitation, because  there is no reason why on parent should deny another their right or deprive the child of its right, unless  for valid proven reasons such as abuse, drug/ alcohol addiction, criminality, asserting the unfitness of the other to parent.

Any parent who sees fit to deprive another of the right to see the child, unless harmful to the child, is in my opinion the unworthy parent!
In many cases the test is “the best interest of the child” standard and that usually does not preclude a right to at least visitation, albeit even supervised visitation.  Hence if a judge orders no visitation at all, then the Judge at the behest of the winning parent, is adjudicating that the parent is not a fit or proper parent for the child.   That, if untrue, would be enough to make anyone want to commit suicide.

This could well be described as another form of Bullying – where one uses the system that one knows will likely caste unjust aspersions…

When I looked at the comments of the Dallas Voice Article, I got the distinct impression that Debbie did not lose custody for being a bad person…. or even a bad parent ….depression is mentioned in comments – that would not be a reason to deprive a parent of custody or supervised visitation in extreme cases.

Here are some examples:

1. Debie,  You were such an inspiration to so many people! You were an amazing mentor, friend, sister, daughter, and mother! You will be greatly missed and always remembered by those who have had the pleasure to meet you and be a part of your life! Your life has had a huge impact on so many people’s lives in such a positive way! Heaven just got another angel, but the world will miss you terribly!

2. I feel very blessed and honored to have known Debie Hackett.  She is an inspiration, and has left a legacy in the lives of those whom she loved, and those who loved her.  She will be missed, but never forgotten!  Godspeed, Debie!  I love you!!!  ツ

3. Debie was an amazing person and a vital part of Dallas’ recovery community. The lives she touched with her kind words, counsel and support are impossible to count. It was a gift to know her as well as I did and she will be greatly missed.

4. I empathize with Debie completely! If you are the least bit prone to clinical depression (like she was), an emotional overload of this nature can push anybody over the edge. She is not a coward and not selfish! She was in the throes of something that she could not get out of. Depression is a sickness. you would not kick your dog if it was sick?

5. Debie and I worked together, many years ago, at an in-patient mental health facility for children. Debie was the best example I’ve witnessed of a true advocate for children. Her heart was big and her ability to connect with youth – to reach them in their darkest self hatred – was nothing short of a God-given gift. She has impacted so many people with her honesty and kindness. I am so sad that she was in so much emotional pain and that she wasn’t able to see an end to it in this existence.

6. Having known Debie on multiple levels & in multiple arenas for over 18 years, I can tell you with certainty that she gave of herself, her time, her love, her resources…..anything & everything, needed or not, with the only desire that one might be helped. Regardless of the situation or solution, Debie’s immediacy in helping anyone & everyone was the code she lived by. It is presumptious, arrogant & cruel to label her selfish or to boast of having the ‘hotline’ to her internal thoughts. None of us have the luxury of that knowing. Annnnnnd….it is none of our business. Compassion & love for her as well as for the shattered hearts of those who loved her.

7. You were such an inspiration to so many people! You were an amazing mentor, friend, sister, daughter, and mother! You will be greatly missed and always remembered by those who have had the pleasure to meet you and be a part of your life! Your life has had a huge impact on so many people’s lives in such a positive way! Heaven just got another angel, but the world will miss you terribly!

8. I worked with Debie when she was employed at Parkland. Unlike the rest of us she was not cynical or burned out by the great number of people needing drug and alcohol treatment. She always went the extra mile to help them including running a support group for expectant mothers with substance abuse problems. She touched many, many lives and helped people more than any of us can know. No matter how busy or down she might be she always took time help others. I am so crushed that she was so overwhlemed that she could see no other way out. I will miss you terribly, my dear friend.

9. I did not know Debie. I am a mother. I can not imagine the unbearable pain of losing the right to be with your child. Unbearable. And the judge was remiss and terribly wrong. The other parent, why, why,would you take advantage of a court system that does not protect the full rights of same sex couples when you yourself would be a victim of their discrimination as well. With all these compliments about the character of this mother, why would you need to take the custody away so completely so as to rip her heart out and give her no hope.  Someone above mentioned that each parent had the best interest of the child in mind. I don’t know these people, but bullshit.  The parent could have gained full custody but allowed visitation.   That’s just wrong. You were wrong. You could have found a way to co parent even if you wanted all the control. Now you have it. What will you tell the kid about  what happened to their other parent?  Sorry folks….just had to say it, we all grieve in our own way, even for a stranger.

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

Read more of Dallas Report here...  http://www.dallasvoice.com/despondent-parental-visitation-rights-1057927.html

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Okay that is all I have to say!

Oh I forgot, Hugh Hefner‘s beautiful bride-to-be (sight unseen by me – and being thoroughly presumptive)  is 60 years his Junior- Oh and HOW ABOUT SOME marriage Equality for us gays and lesbians please.

I mean does he really intend to procreate, Maggie Gallagher – how do you opine seeing as you are an oft times visitor to our site?   Do you think its a valid marriage if they are forced for ANY reason to us a sperm donor?  I am not sure if  110 year old sperm works or not.

Not that I begrudge him – this is his third shot at marriage or engagement or whatever.

PS.   The woman on the right is Maggie Gallagher not the bride!!! Those are usually blond – packaged to look Bunny-like!

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

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Dear Riley,

I don’t know if you have ever had this problem but I’m dating a girlie girl and to be honest, I think sometimes she’s a little embarrassed by me in public. I mean I definitely look like a lesbian and she really doesn’t. Well I guess I pretty much look like a boy. I wear guys clothes and my hair is short and I work out a lot so my body is pretty muscular. I even get called “sir” sometimes. When this happens my gf seems to get upset and doesn’t know how to handle it. In private she always talks about how much she is attracted to me and I believe her, but when we’re out and about she’s hesitant to show any affection. I don’t know what to say to her because I don’t want her to feel bad but I look the way I look you know? Sometimes I’m even embarrassed when I’m called “sir”. At the same time I want her to be comfortable being with me wherever we are because I’m not going to change my look. What would you do?

Looks Like a Boy

Great to hear from another boi!

All right, sounds like we’ve got a few things going on here. I’m right there with you on being mistaken for a boy. Yes, it can be embarrassing. And to some extent, I guess we should expect it if we shop in the men’s department and rock the fauxhawks. That doesn’t change the fact that there are still ignorant people that haven’t ever tried to peer outside the bubble that they live in and realize that not everyone looks like they do. Yes, I’ve gotten many a strange stare in the public restroom. Once, a little old lady saw me coming out of the ladies room, and promptly turned around and walked into the men’s! I’m thinking she learned her lesson.

Your girlfriend, on the other hand, is not an ignorant bubble person. She’s decided to date you, and she knows what you look like and who you are. It isn’t acceptable for her to act one way in private and another in public.

Are you sure PDA in general isn’t the issue? Personally, I’m not fond of PDA in public from anyone – gay, straight, young, old, or that pervy German Shepherd in the dog park that always tries to hump my beagle. Its one thing to hold someone’s hand, but some things are better left in the bedroom.

Yes, say something to her. Be specific about the behavior you’ve noticed from her and let her know that your feelings are hurt. Her actions say more about her than they do about you. Be honest with her and talk it through. If she admits she’s ashamed or embarrassed, and won’t take steps to get past it, it might be time to move on to someone who is proud to be with you.

I’m not understanding about the lack of self-confidence I see in some women. I’m aware of societal pressures, but whom do we need acceptance from? I promise you, we need to be comfortable with ourselves before we can expect anyone else to be comfortable with us. Hold your head high, and be who you are!

-Riley

If you want Riley to answer one of YOUR questions, email RDylan1980@gmail.com.

LGR’s boi blogger, Riley Dylan, takes your relationship questions.  This week Riley tackles a dilemma we have all faced, “To date a bisexual, or not to date a bisexual? That is the question.” That’s Shakespeare, ladies, just FYI. If you are tired of hearing the standard “Don’t hate bisexuals but don’t date bisexuals” advice, this is the column for you.

Dear Riley,

I’ve completely fallen for a girl. We’ve been seeing each other for 3 weeks and everything is going great…except my friends don’t like her. The thing is, she’s bisexual and I’m the first girl she’s been with. My friends say to stop this relationship before it starts, because she’ll just eventually leave me for a guy. Am I being stupid in thinking that this could work??

Head Over Heels

Dear Head Over Heels,

Yea, yea, watch out for those bisexuals!  They’ll always leave you for a man!  And while you’re at it, watch out for the lesbians, too… they’re going to leave you for a woman!  You picked the right boi to

ask your question, HOH.  Out of my four long-term relationships, three of my ex’s were bi, and not one left me for a dude.  If someone is going to leave you, it will most likely be because of the state of your relationship rather than the sexual orientation of either of the people in it.
I’ve heard all sorts of things about bi girls and bi-curious girls.  That they only want to play with you and break your heart.  That they’re actually lesbian and

Leisha Hailey

just can’t deal with it.  Or the more ridiculous argument – that they are straight.  Lesbians really give these ladies a bad rap.  Do we want people telling us that we’re straight? I didn’t think so.  So who are we to judge how another girl feels?  We’re not in their h

earts and we’re not in their heads.  If she is attracted to you, and she’s sleeping with you, she is NOT straight.  She may not be as far over on the Kinsey scale as the rest of us, but this shiz ain’t black and white, and we all know it.  So go for it, Head Over Heels!

If you’re not pursuing something you want — whether it be a relationship, a dream, or your passion — because you’re afraid or worried about the outcome, you aren’t living.  It’s cliché, but life is just too damn short.
Best of luck!
-Riley

If you want Riley to answer one of YOUR questions, email RDylan1980@gmail.com.

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Apparently I have a lot to learn about how to function as a single lesbian. Or just a single person in general, I guess, since my heterosexual brother informed me that the same rules apply across the board.

Rules? I was completely oblivious that there were any, and got a bit of an awakening during Halloween weekend.

It was ladies night downtown on Friday night. I really wasn’t feeling dressing up this year since #1: no money; #2: no time; #3: no ideas. So I went out as myself. As hot as I could make myself, that is. I figure it’s about time I attempted to find out what kind of “game” I have, since I haven’t been single since being out.

Should be easy, right? Yeah, not so much.

I think I need to be a bit careful with how I make eye contact. I’m starting to realize that: Rule # 1: Extended eye contact (more than 2 seconds) means “Come over and talk to me.”

I’d been playing the “You didn’t catch me looking at you” game with some girl dressed as a ladybug for twenty minutes when she finally approached. My friends saw her head in my direction and began punching me in the arm in a “Here she comes!” sort of way, until she gazed deeply into my eyes and said…. “My friend wants to dance with you…”

Damn.

Really?? Ok, is this another one of the rules? If I’m interested in someone, am I supposed to send someone else to relay that message for me?

I looked over to where she was pointing and the “friend” was avoiding all eye contact with me whatsoever. Ok. Friend was pretty cute, but ladybug was cuter.

Seriously though, in my book, if you want to dance with me, come ask me yourself. I decided to avoid the situation for the time being.

About a half hour later I was in desperate need of a beer refill, and as I was walking back from the bar, fresh beer in hand, I see ladybug, her friend and another chick all staring at me. Not wanting to seem like an asshole, knowing the friend was interested, I smiled and winked at their table.

Baaaaad idea.

New Rule: Don’t wink. Unless you’re realllly interested. Got it.

As I turned to head back to the dance floor, my arm was grabbed from behind. Ladybug. The 3rd friend is grabbing the one that’s interested and suddenly we’re being stood in front of each other like we’re two kids being told to make up, and ladybug says “Ok, you guys talk. Bye!” And the other two vanish. WTF?!

The chick I’m facing has a huge smile on her face, so I manage to get a smile on mine (beer helps, and she WAS cute). She drags me to the front of the bar where its quieter and we start to have convo. Convo goes well and she’s fun, but I’m really not that into her.

However, this chick (Ashley?) is into ME and keeps pulling me around the waist into her as we’re talking. I keep finding ways to wiggle out. Then she asks me to dance. I don’t really dance, I just kinda hang out on the dance floor, but ok. SHE dances. Obviously. As she’s dancing on ME, she tells me she wants to kiss me.

How does one get out of this situation? Where are my wingmen??

I’m too nice (ie. drunk) to say no, so what the hell…

This is where I find out Rule #.. what rule am I on? I need to write these down. ..Oh wait, I am.

Rule: If you make out with someone, they will be glued to you for the rest of the night.
Rule: You can’t make out with more than one woman in the same bar; this makes you a slut/player/a$$hole.
Rule: If you want to make out with someone else, change venues.

Ok, Ok, I’m learning.

My hairdresser (totally hot lesbian) tells me that when she’s single she’ll try to make out with someone minutes before heading to the next bar. Hmmm. How does one do THAT? “Hey, can we make out for a few minutes? I gotta go.”

Lucky for me, my wingmen eventually came through. We had a serious discussion about wingmen duties after that.

From now on, I’m carrying my notepad with me when I go out. Too many rules to remember and I just hope I don’t forget the ones I’ve learned for next weekend!

LGR’s resident advice experts, Riley Dylan and Natasia are teaming up to tackle the pervasive issue of Lesbian Bed Death. Get the perspective of the Boi and the Femme at once. Strap it on, ladies, this is going to be a wild ride!   

Hello,

I’m from Windsor Ontario and I have been with the same girl for a year and 8 months now. I love her to death; want to spend the rest of my life with her. But things changed, we are not the way we used to be, we don’t have sex like we used to. We use to have sex for 2 days straight and when I say 2 days straight I mean wake up have sex, eat sex, shower sex, watch TV and have sex and so on. And at a bunch of different and crazy places, now I’m lucky if I have sex in once a monthI need some help to bring the spark back, I want to have sex all the time, but she never wants to.

But a lil more about the relationship…I was straight before I met her, and it was like love at first sight, we met at a friend’s party and just hit it off. We started talking and hanging out then because I wanted to get to know her first and not just jump into it, a month later we were dating. About 3 months after that we moved in together and have been together ever since. We have a dog, go to the local gay bar every weekend, have random date nights, and still no sex.

Any ideas on how I can get that lust back again???

Hope you can help

Peaceandlove07

Riley Dylan: Lesbian Bed Death strikes again!  I’ve been hearing more and more of this lately.  Ladies, what gives?  All right, Peaceandlove07, we’re here to help you out.  Is there any intimacy remaining?  Do you still kiss?  Cuddle?

Listen, I don’t want to give you the same answer that I often see to this question, which is “Go to the adult toy store, role play, dress up, blah, blah.”  The problem here is SHE doesn’t want to have sex and you do.  She’s not going to want to do any of those things if she’s not wanting to have sex in the first place.  You don’t have any control over her feelings.  What you have control over is YOU.  So take all this time that you are spending not having sex and concentrate on yourself.  Work out, join a meet-up group, buy some new clothes, become more independent.  If you create new spark in your own life, she’s going to see it and that may pull a spark out of her.  Or you’re going to attract attention from other girls, and that might light a match under her.. ahem…, too!

I’m a boi tho, with a just bit of testosterone, so often wonder myself where the lack of sex drive comes from.  Lez ask a Femme and see if she has any ideas.  Natasia?

Natasia: Riley, femmes have just as much sex drive as you bois! I think your advice is great, but I would give that advice to anyone, not just a couple struggling with Lesbian Bed Death (Note to femmes: LBD doesn’t just stand for Little Black Dress).

I’m so glad you found a girl you want to be with PeaceandLove07! That’s great. Relationships are work though, all couples start off strong with tons of sex and it naturally tapers off. You really need to talk to her and make sure that she still feels the same way about you as you do about her. Make sure that her sex drive isn’t reflecting her emotions about the relationship. Also, there might be a physical reason she hasn’t wanted to have sex, ie. weight gain, sensitivity issues. If all is well emotionally and physically, I would recommend that you get your behinds to your local sex store and stock up on all your favorite things/potentially favorite things.

You guys should get away. Go away for a weekend or even just one night, get yourself into a new bed and new surroundings. Something that doesn’t remind you of the everyday routine. Light candles, take a bath together, wear lingerie and heels, give her a massage, tell her how good you want to make her feel and how much you love her, etc. You know, all those gay things. They are classics because they work. (Even if Riley doesn’t agree because she is a big dumb boi)

Also remember that kissing and foreplay doesn’t always have to lead to sex, being romantic and physical with her without pressure to go any further might be what she needs from you. This is your first lesbian relationship and just FYI, girls need romance and soft touches as much as they need orgasms. Because you love this girl so much, try out both my advice and Riley’s, we pretty much covered the spectrum. If nothing Riley and I mention works…you might have to admit that the relationship isn’t working anymore and find someone who wants to have sex with you.

Good luck Peace&Love07! Keep us updated!

Xoxo Riley & Natasia

Have a question for the Boi or the Femme? Don’t be shy, we want to hear from you! Email RDylan1980@gmail.com or askafemme@yahoo.com

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Spyer died in 2009. Due to DOMA’s discriminatory policies, Windsor was not able to claim the estate tax marital deduction that is available when the surviving spouse is of the opposite sex. In her lawsuit, Windsor is seeking to have DOMA declared unconstitutional and to obtain a refund of the federal estate tax that she was forced to pay following Spyer’s death. The lawsuit will be filed with the assistance of the American Civil Liberties Union, the law firm of Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison LLP and the New York Civil Liberties Union.

“After Thea died, the fact that the federal government refused to recognize our marriage was devastating,” said Windsor. “In the midst of my grief at the loss of the love of my life, I had to deal with my own government saying that we weren’t a family.”

Windsor, a senior computer systems programmer, and Spyer, a clinical psychologist, met in the early 1960s, and lived together for decades in an apartment in Greenwich Village. Despite not being able to get legally married, they got engaged in 1967. Over 30 years ago, Spyer was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and Windsor helped her through her long battle with the disease. After building a life together for more than 40 years, they were finally married in Toronto in May 2007. Their relationship is the subject of a documentary entitled, “Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement.”

“We treasured every moment of our 44 years together and were thrilled to be able to finally have the chance to spend our last years together as a legally married couple,” said Windsor. “It meant so much to us that our commitment to each other had finally been recognized.”

Windsor was the sole beneficiary of Spyer’s estate. Because they were married, Spyer’s estate normally would have passed to her spouse without any tax. But because DOMA refuses to recognize otherwise valid marriages of same-sex couples, Spyer’s estate had to pay more than $350,000 in federal estate taxes. Earlier this year, Windsor requested a full refund from the government. The IRS rejected that claim, citing DOMA.

“Edie and Thea were together for 44 years, the last two of which they were lucky enough to spend as a married couple,” said James Esseks, Director of the ACLU Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Project. “All Edie is seeking is the same treatment for her marriage that the federal government appropriately gives to married straight couples. It is completely unfair for the federal government to pretend that Edie and Thea were strangers, and to tax them that way.”

In the lawsuit, Windsor alleges that DOMA violates the equal protection guarantee of the U.S. Constitution because it recognizes marriages of heterosexual couples, but not of same-sex couples, despite the fact that New York State treats all marriages the same.

“If Thea were ‘Theo’ instead of ‘Thea,’ then Edie, as Thea’s spouse, would have inherited Thea’s estate tax-free,” said Roberta Kaplan of Paul, Weiss. “Edie and Thea were denied equal treatment, and it is obviously unjust that there should be a tax simply for being gay.”

“No one should have to fight with the government after losing the person she’s loved for more than four decades,” said NYCLU Executive Director Donna Lieberman. “Edie and Thea made the same life-long commitment that other married couples make, and their marriage deserves the same dignity, respect and protection afforded other families.”

Another lawsuit raising the same legal challenge to DOMA is being filed tomorrow in federal court in Hartford, CT. Brought by Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders, that case includes five married couples and one widower from three states who are harmed by DOMA in a variety of significant ways, including denial of health care coverage and social security benefits.

Both of these cases follow similar litigation in Massachusetts, where a federal district judge ruled last summer that DOMA violates the federal Constitution. That case, Gill v. Office of Personnel Management, challenged the federal government’s refusal to recognize the marriages of same-sex couples legally married in Massachusetts and is now on appeal. The case was also brought by GLAD. Windsor’s case pursues the same legal theory in the context of federal estate taxes.

Windsor is represented by Kaplan and Andrew Ehrlich of Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison, LLP; Esseks and Rose Saxe of the ACLU LGBT Project; and Arthur Eisenberg and Alexis Karteron of the New York Civil Liberties Union.

Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

11/08/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

Want to know what child star Raven Symone looks like naked? Well now you can! Don’t get too excited, you the important parts are all covered up. Mediatakeout.com is reporting that Symone was sending the pictures to one of her girlfriends (as in a girl you sleep with and go shopping with, not a girl you are friends with and go shopping with) and the girl decided to forward the pics to a major gossip website! Ahem, allegedly, of course. No one wants to get sued.

Rumors about Symone’s sexuality have been flying around the internet for years. I have no idea why. Who even cares? The Cosby Show was a million years ago and “That’s so Raven” so sucked. Anywho, if a girl really did blow up Ms. Symone’s spot, Mediatakeout should post her information too. Just so that the rest of us know to stay far, far away from that piece! Ladies, if you like a girl, don’t send her nude pictures. Okay? Not unless you want to see yourself on the internet…because that would be SOOOOo Raven!

And no, I’m not going to post the pictures. But, yes, I will tell you where to find them, HERE. Enjoy, but don’t get too excited, they’re as tasteful as naked phone pics get.

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Dear Riley,

I’m just getting back into the dating scene after being in a long relationship.  I’ve been going out by myself, since I lost a lot of my friends in the break-up.  It is exciting to be single, but nerve wracking at the same time!  I’m ok with approaching people, but sometimes when girls come up to me, if I’m not interested, I can’t seem to figure out how to get out of the situation!  I want to play the field and don’t want to get stuck talking to one girl all night.  I can’t come up with any good exit strategies!  Do you have any?

Flying Solo

Dear Flying Solo,

What you need is a good wingman!  They are perfect for getting you out of tight situations, or they should be.  You just need to find the right one, and this is important.  See last week’s column for the dangers of choosing the wrong wingman.  In fact, let me provide you with the handy questionnaire I give to all my potential wingmen.

Wingman Application:

1. Do you secretly want to be with me?

2. Are you lying so that when we’re drunk later you’ll see if I’ll make out with you?

3. Are you funny?  Tell me a joke.

4. Read the following situations and provide the appropriate response.

Situation 1: We’ve been at the bar for an hour and I’ve been chatting up the same girl for 20 minutes.  I clearly have my beer goggles on and can do better.  What do you do?

A. Let me continue the conversation.

B. Tell me it’s time to go get drinks.

C. When I tell you I don’t need another drink right now, grab my arm and BRING me to go get drinks.

Situation 2: I’ve been cornered by the girl we’ve been politely trying to avoid all night.  Because I’m a nice person, I’m having a conversation with her, but am clearly wanting out.  What do you do? (more than one answer could apply)

A. Let me continue the conversation. (Hint. No.)

B. Walk up to us and tell me that everyone’s ready to head to the next bar now (even if we’re the only two out).

C. Tell me you need an escort to the bathroom because your ex’s new girlfriend is stalking you.

Escalated situation: The girl I’m talking to is now glaring daggers at you and trying to body block you from my view.  What is your back-up plan?

5. Which of the following signs means I need you NOW?

A. Mouthing the world “Help!”

B. Smiling in your direction, but you see the panic behind my eyes.

C. Saying any of the other various code words we’ve come up with before heading out for the night.

6. How much experience do you have flagging down cabs?

Hope this helps.  Good luck with your wingman search!

-Riley

10/26/2010- by Riley Dylan

FROM: boobs21 – i pop her cherry then i pop my collor

SUBJECT: hi sexy

i love your eyes im [name] im 21 and looking for a gf u seem cool so hit me up i live in monticello mn so hit me up 612 555 5555 thats my cell

Ah, the joys of online dating…  Yes, this was an actual message in my inbox today.  I’m about to remove myself from many of these dating sites.  Match.com.  PlentyofFish.com.  HidingInMyHouse.com.  What-have-you.

How many things are wrong with the above message?  It’s like a game of “I Spy.”

Well, let’s see.  How about taking the time to use punctuation and run the spell check?

“Hit me up”?!  Er, I’m 30.  I think I must have been asleep through whatever point in my life I was supposed to say that.  Or are people still saying that?  Maybe I’m just not cool.

And this chick’s tagline?  “I pop her…”  Ohhhhhh noooo.  Honey, I know you’re only 21, but popped collars?  Let’s have a talk, shall we?

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with online dating.  I met one of my ex-girlfriends online and we stayed together for three and half years.  But I have to admit, over the past couple months, my experiences on these sites have left much to be desired.  There isn’t a single girl yet I feel tempted to actually meet in “real” life.

I think a “Do’s and Don’ts” list may be appropriate to help explain why.

Do: Be honest.

You like classical music?  Then why is your iPod full of Katy Perry and Lady Gaga?  You like documentaries and the Discovery Channel?  Um, why are we watching re-runs of Jersey Shore?  You’re “athletic and toned”?  Wow, me too!  I’m just gonna, er.. wear all black for our first date… it’s slimming, right?  You like coffee shops and long walks in the park?  Cool!  You and 832,392 other people in this town!

Do: Include a recent picture of yourself.

And by recent, I mean within the last year.  A close-up.  NOT your high school graduation picture.  Especially if you’re 35 now.  No picture?  Um.. you’re probably a dude, posing as a girl.  (Yep, I was duped once.  Damn.)

Do: Explain why you are interested in your initial email.

Oh, I should date you because you love my eyes?  Yeah, I worked really hard to make them so.. hazel.  How about things you think we might have in common?

Don’t: Write a 12-page profile.  Or introductory email.

I stop reading after the first few sentences.  Which is why I only write a few sentences.  I’m really not narcissistic enough to believe that most people want to read my life story without ever having met me.  Leave something for the first date.

Don’t: Give out your phone number in your introductory email.

Is it possible to seem “easy” in more ways than just putting out on the first date?  Yes, give me your phone number before I’ve even decided whether or not I want to respond.

Don’t:  Flake out once we’ve exchanged phone numbers.

One of my latest text exchanges went something like this.

Me: Hey, this is Riley from HidingInMyHouse.com.  Thanks for sending me your phone number.  Hope ur having a good night.

Her: Hiiiiii

Me: So tell me a little bit more about yourself.  What kind of work do you do?

Her: Jusssst work.  You know..

Me: Um, so tell me a little bit more about you.  What kind of things do you like to do when ur not working?

Her: Eh, I’m not too interesting.

Me: Lol!  Aw, I’m sure you are.

[A few hours pass]

Her: Hiiiii

Me: [Deletes number]

Yeah.  Think I’m exaggerating?  Think again.

Sigh..

Thankfully, there are more women available in the world than what I’ve been finding at my fingertips.  Is it horrible that I don’t respond to the majority of “winks” and messages I’ve been getting?

Maybe I’m setting my standards too high.  Maybe I’m not being polite enough, and should at least say “Thanks, but no thanks.”  (Actually an option; if someone said that to ME, I’d be mortified!)  Maybe the “one” has emailed me already and I didn’t even give them a chance!!!

Riiiiiight.

Thing is, it’s all about chemistry anyway.  We could have the exact same profile, and look beautiful in our profile pictures, and meet each other and find that there is no spark.

Am I jaded?  Yes.  Which is a sign that it’s time to get away from my computer and into the real world.

That begins now.

For more of Riley Dylan’s insights, visit her blog at newleaflesbian.blogspot.com

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Dear Riley,

A girl I’ve been hanging around with recently has told me many times that she has feelings for me. I think she’s fun, in a wingman sort of way, but I’m definitely not into her like that and have told her so. The other night we were out and both drunk and she asked if she could kiss me. I said yes and we made out. I dropped her off at her house later and for the rest of the night she was blowing up my phone asking to come spend the night. How do I show her I’m not interested without hurting her feelings even though I’ve made out with her?

Heartbreaker

Dear Heartbreaker,

If her feelings are hurt, I’m thinkin’ that’s on her. If you were up front with her from the get-go about not being interested in her, and she still asked to kiss you, then she only has herself to blame. As far as I can remember, I’ve never signed any relationship contracts while having drunk make-out sessions in a bar. Did she show you any papers? Was there a notary present? However, no one likes lez drama, so I recommend bringing a friend along the next time you go out with this chick. She likes you; she’s not wingman material.

Let us know how it goes!

Riley

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Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I dish out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career and family. This week, one of our advice seekers is back with an update on her, her girl and needs advice on how to take the relationship to the next level.

Dear Femme,

My name is Sophie, I broke up with my ex a year ago and I think I’m finally ready to try to go out and date, the thing is that I’m super feminine, I wear high heels all the time, get my hair done, wear dresses…etc. if you get to know me a little bit you’ll find out that the way I dress does not reflect at all the way I behave, cause I am very butch in my behavior, but it’s my style and I like it… So my question is this, how does a femme looking girl flirt with another femme?

ps. sorry if my spelling sucks I live in South America and my English is far from perfect.

Thanks for taking the time to answer all the questions, you are awesome!

Hello Sophie,

Thanks! I think you are awesome too! I’m glad you are over your breakup and ready to get back on the dating scene. There is a term for the kind of femme you are, macho-femme. So don’t be too worried, if there are enough of you out there to warrant your own term, you aren’t alone.

To answer your question, make eye contact with the girl you want. That is the first and most important step, the second step is to smile. There, now you are 2/3rds of the way there. Really, the hard part is over. Then you should walk over to her and introduce yourself. No gimmicks, no games. “Hi, I’m Sophie.”

The part that comes next depends on where you are. If you are in a lez bar and know she’s gay, get right to the “get to know you” conversation. The more questions you ask a girl, the more she will think you are interested in her and the more she will like you back.

If you are in the supermarket and you have no idea if she is gay or not, just put it out there and tell her you think she’s beautiful and you would like to get to know her better. If she is straight, she will be flattered as long as you say “beautiful” and not “hot.” “Hot” can be degrading, “sexy” is even worse but “beautiful” is always tasteful.

In a nutshell, flirting with a girl, femme or not, is as simple as “look, smile, hi.”

Hope this helps, Sophie and stay in touch!

Have a question? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com

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I’ve been known to go on a bit about my recent losses: the ending of my long term relationship, kids growing up, friends dying, career sidelined, loss of youth – aching joints…I worry I’m beginning to sound like a character out of Oprah’s book club.

But things have started looking up. I’ve gotten settled in my beautiful new home, spent quality time with my sons and tried to wring every possible enjoyment out of the warmth and sunshine. I spent time surfing, wakeboarding, and hiking, and I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants — many times.

Learning to be on one’s own for the first time in 27 years isn’t easy, but I seem to be getting the hang of it. Occasionally however, while sleeping alone in my bed, I will become dimly aware of THE GREAT SADNESS slipping into my consciousness. This creepy early morning visit has been going on periodically for some time now, ever since life as I knew it so dramatically changed.  I used to panic, and tell it to Get The Fuck Out! But that didn’t go well, and I found myself wide-awake at 4:00 a.m.

Recently, I’ve changed my strategy. Now I say to myself “oh hi, it’s you again…” turn over and go back to sleep. I guess it’s about accepting the good and the bad. Major life changes seem to get harder with age. Staying light on my feet is something I have to work on every day. I have no idea what to expect, but I have enough faith to expect the unexpected. Life has always been wildly unpredictable, so why not now?

If I’m feeling low self-esteem, then its time to get busy doing esteemable acts.  I’ve been volunteering in the high schools to speak about coming out as a lesbian to help bust down stereotypes. It’s scary as hell but I figured out if I get out of my own head long enough, I will feel good about myself again.

Suddenly for the first time in many years, everything feels fresh and new, and I am awake and present like never before. I’m along for the ride wherever it takes me, and I’ll show up to acknowledge the joy and sadness as it comes. Trying to kick the process in the ass is ridiculous, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I’m working towards a day when I will be able to tell THE GREAT SADNESS “Come on in, sit down. Now, what how can I give you what you need?”  I’ll keep you posted on that but don’t hold your breath.

I’ve learned a couple things keeping my sanity this Summer; helping others helps me and a little Advil goes a long way.

By Robin Lowey

Robin Lowey is the creative mastermind behind the new lesbian website Epochalips – www.epochalips.com. Epochalips is all about the generation of Lesbians who cleared the way for all Lesbian/Gay/Queer/Bi/ Transgender youth.!

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Ecuador- More tips have poured in to Lezgetreal regarding  the whereabouts of Lisa Miller and the child she kidnapped and fled the US with, late last year.

According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, Lisa Miller abducted Isabelle Miller Jenkins, after losing  a long and bitter custody battle.  Miller fled the USA , avoiding an arrest warrant,and is presently residing in Quito, Ecuador.

The sad fact of his story is that Miller who became an ex-gay (convert to heterosexuality, after her passionate lesbian relationship with Janet Jenkins that bore the child Isabella) is now being exposed by the very people who sought her so called conversion and who worked to help her escape the rule of law and the various Court orders leading now to her self-imposed exile.

Lezgetreal was informed by a reliable source close to fugitive Miller, that she is still employed by an educational institution and is located in Ecuador, which we have chosen not to name at this time.  Although the Globally renowned Missionary group, HCJB has provided a  LGR with a statement denying that they have employed  Miller or that they have any knowledge of her whereabouts, we have received further information pointing to collusion on the part of several missionary/ church/ ex-gay groups; and with evidence in hand have flushed out Ms. Miller’s whereabouts with acute accuracy.  Now it is up to the authorities to turn her over and for MS. Jenkins to be reunited with her daughter.

HCJB Global wrote:   “HCJB Global has become aware of a posting on a website called “   http://www.facebook.com/l/2fd18;lezgetreal.com” suggesting that HCJB Global  may be supporting or hiding an individual named Lisa Miller, who is alleged  to have left the United States in violation of the law.  HC…JB Global has confirmed that Lisa Miller is not presently and has never  been an employee or volunteer of its ministry in Ecuador or in the United  States. HCJB Global further affirms that: (1) it is not hiding Lisa Miller;  (2) it has not expended funds to help Lisa Miller evade the law; and (3) it has not engaged others to support or assist Lisa Miller. Any further inquiries may be addressed to Cheri Birkey, Corporate Secretary  of HCJB Global at cbirkey@hcjb.org.”

Although Lisa Miller believes she is well hidden, she has been found and it is a matter of time, as even her closest of confidantes have participated in exposing her, whether inadvertently or overtly.

Anyone with information should contact Authorities, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children in the USA, rather than be complicit in the commission of the abduction of a child.

If Lisa Miller sees this post, I am inviting her to communicate with me to connect her with authorities in the USA that will help effect a lenient and peaceful transition back to the USA. It would be in Miller’s interests to come forward and return Isabella to the USA, as according to sources, it is likely Miller will receive compassion if she turns herself and explains the influence of the ex-gay activists, rather than have the authorities effect what is likely to be an imminent arrest and extradition to the USA.

Melanie Nathan
Nathan@privatecourts.com

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Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I dish out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career and family. This week, one of our advice seekers is back with an update on her, her girl and needs advice on how to take the relationship to the next level.

Hellllooooo Nurseee! Hello there again, I’m not sure if you remember but I wrote in earlier in the year about a lovely lady that I met at work that I was trying to win over. [If you don’t remember O.U.’s questions, check out the Lez Ask the Femme archives!] I took your advice and started subtly with a casual lunch date after work. It’s been about a 2 1/2 months since her and I have been dating quite casually, seeing each other about twice a week. She’s openly bi-sexual and from what she tells me, I have enough information to believe that she likes me but I’m not necessarily sure how serious she’s taking me. She picks and chooses what she wishes to share with me and she tries her hardest to not share intimate information with me that pertains to us (i.e. She will not tell directly tell me how she feels about me and the possibility of there actually being an “us”). But when its personal information that pertains to her personal life and feelings, she cannot wait for me to pick her brain. She doesn’t ask me questions about myself but she says it’s because she prefers to figure it out on her own. I’m assuming this is because she is recently coming out of a one year relationship with a man and that she’s possibly still a little sore over what happened between them. I like her even more than I did before, I’d even like to love her someday. I know so many things about her and her person that I respect so deeply. I find her opinion’s to be honest and without influence from others. She carries herself like a Lady, she’s aware of how sexy she is without actually flaunting herself towards others and I like that. I have not the slightest idea of how to proceed into taking this situation deeper or if I should at all. I just want to be hers, please help me.

Thank you,

 O.U.

 Hello O.U,

 Thanks for updating us on your situation! I’m glad that you were able to take the first steps to get the girl, now you need to decide if you want to reel her in. She loves when you ask her questions about herself? As long as you like hearing about her innermost feelings, keep doing it. The fact that she does not ask you questions is a red flag, it may stem from her not being ready for a relationship, like you suggest or it may indicate that she isn’t really interested in your life as much as she is interested in your adoration. You deserve better than that. But I’m not going to tell you to give up on her! You’ve made a serious time and emotional investment in this girl and you need to follow through. I would suggest being straight forward and ditching the games. Ask her out to a nice local restaurant for dinner, which is a “serious potential relationship” date. After the entrees and before dessert, tell her that you think she’s amazing and want to take the relationship to the next level. Let her know that the “next level” isn’t marriage, but “girlfriend” status would be nice. You’ve waited patiently for almost 3 months, which is a good speed and places you solidly out of “U-haul” territory. I think she will go for it, but if she doesn’t, you don’t need to cut her off or take that as the final word on the subject. Keep dating her casually but go out with other women at the same time and let her know that you are exploring your options. This might light a fire under her butt to make sure she reels YOU in. Ahem, but like I said, take the straight forward, no games route before you try the second. Go get your girl! Good luck and let me know how it goes.

Have a question? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com

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09/20/2010- by Riley Dylan

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