7/2/2011

Almost a week ago a historic vote allowed New York to legalize same-sex marriages, making New York the sixth, and by far the most populous, state to do so.  Massachusetts led the way, by court order, in 2004, and many other states are now considering the decision.  There has been a fight for world wide equality for so many years it’s hard to count, but it’s finally on the horizon and the GLBT community can finally start jumping for joy.

Neil Patrick Harris has decided to finally tie the knot, with long time partner David Burtka, after the New York vote was official.  The “How I Met Your Mother” star was one of the uncountable amount of people celebrating on June 24th when the news of the same-sex marriage bill passing was announced.  Also the child star of “Dougie Howser”, Harris couldn’t be any happier.

“It passed!!” He tweeted on June 24th. “Marriage equality in NY!! Yes!! Progress!!”

The couple, unknown to the public ear, has actually been engaged for quite some time now, even a little before he announced to the public that he was gay in late 2006.

“David and I did propose to each other, but over five years ago!” He tweeted last weekend in response to many questions. “We’ve been wearing engagement rings for ages, waiting for an available date.”

Harris and Burtka have been together as a couple for many years.  They are proud parents of 8 month old twins, via surrogate, and are currently planning their wedding.  However, no official date has been set yet.

Gov. Andrew Cuomo and Sandra Lee at premiere of "Julie & Julia" (photo by New York Post)

It’s one of those idiot arguments against same-sex marriage – it will somehow destroy straight marriages. To prove this point, the anti-gay lobby uses a study called Marriage in Scandinavia to show how straight marriage has declined – since the 1970′s in countries that didn’t have same-sex unions of any kind. It’s like their favorite studies on same-sex parenting that don’t involve the study of any same-sex parents. But the passage of the same-sex marriage law in New York brings up the issue of the state of straight marriage in the time of same-sex marriage again.

Since January, New York State has had an unusual situation with its governor. Andrew Cuomo was married for thirteen years to Kerry Kennedy, daughter of the late Robert F. and Ethel Kennedy. They had three children and were divorced in 2005. In and of itself, that’s not completely unheard of. Mitch Daniels and his wife were divorced and remarried during his political career. But all through the public appearances Cuomo has made as the new governor, there has been a woman at his side – the Food Network star Sandra Lee. New Yorkers, accepting people that they are, haven’t said much about having a mistress as their shadow First Lady.

Still, Cuomo’s enthusiastic support of same-sex marriage and his speeches praising the new law in the past three days raises an interesting question. If marriage is good enough for same sex couples, when will it be good enough for the Governor?

Related articles

• In NY, gay marriage law brings wedding plans (miamiherald.typepad.com)
• Gay marriage fans talk of Cuomo presidential bid (miamiherald.typepad.com)
• Quote Of The Day – David Frum (joemygod.blogspot.com)

Image by richiesoft via Flickr

03/29/2011- by Natasia Langfelder

Welcome back to Lez Ask the Femme, you’re one stop shop for queer loooooove advice. This week, we explore the problem of having a girlfriend who just isn’t into bisexuals.

Dear Femme,

I hope you can help because I’m at the end of my rope with my girlfriend. We have been together for 7 months and she is always picking at me for being bisexual. She says mean things like “I bet you think he’s hot,” whenever a reasonably attractive man walks by. I haven’t even been with a man in years and I’ve never cheated on her! We can’t even watch Grey’s Anatomy together because she say’s that I will go and sleep with a man and get pregnant and make her raise the baby!

When I tell her that she’s bothering me, she says that my being bisexual bothers her, so we are even.  I don’t get it because she knew I was bisexual when we met. If she hated the idea of it so much then why did she even ask me out? What the heck am I supposed to do?

-Bi-furcated

Hi Bi,

Wow. Your girlfriend sounds like a real peach.  If I was you, I would probably ditch her for someone who is less bi-phobic. More and more women are labeling themselves as sexually fluid, so it isn’t too hard to find someone who is more understanding of the nuances of your sexuality.

But, if you want to save this relationship and it sounds like you do, you need to understand that she is very insecure and that’s where this mean spiritedness is coming from. Maybe she didn’t realize just how jealous and insecure she would get when you two first started dating and now that things are serious, she’s terrified of losing you.

You need to sit her down and tell her you want to talk about the bi issue seriously, without the childish “we are even” argument. Seriously, that makes no sense! Tell her what you told me, that she knew who you were when you met her and that as your partner, you want her to accept all your parts. Tell her you know that being with a bisexual can be scary, because it seems like bisexuals have more opportunities to cheat or could have a slight gender preference. Ease her fears by telling her you don’t prefer one sex over the other and that you would never cheat on a romantic partner, especially not her. Add that her bi-phobia is pushing you away and making you feel rejected and unhappy. Those feelings are more likely to make you end the relationship than a hot guy walking down the street, so you need her to stop rejecting one of your core traits.

Good luck, Bi! Let me know what happens.

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com   

Related articles

• Lez Ask the Femme Vlog: Help! My Girlfriend is a Sports Freak! (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Why are Women Using Me for Sex? (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: What Should I Get My Crush For Her Birthday? (lezgetreal.com)

“The best 10,000 we ever spent was when we paid to become ex-gay and met each other instead,”  says the Jansons a Gay married couple.  They note that there is another option rather than being shamed and ex-gay. You can love G-d and Jesus Christ and be loved by G-d and Jesus – and live your life happily gay in a monogamous relationship with someone of the same sex, great job, children, career and life.

But, says Janey Boynes, ex-lesbian Ministry – if you want Christ and G-d you have to accept their terms. That means don’t be gay.

The debate raged forth when the Jansons answered – what about Women?  According to the bible you should not be a Minister.   Are you accepting G-d’s terms?

Since starting his show, CNN ‘s Dr. Drew has failed to attained my interest. Tonight he did; he ended the  program – “Now you will understand why I prayed before this program.”

A subject of major importance according to my priorities as an activist and writer. What was encouraging to me was the in depth detail and well mixed group of speakers that Dr. Drew included into the conversation.

Dr. Drew had a bundle of well qualified guests on his show – Alan Chambers, the Executive Director of Exodus, self proclaimed Christian Ministry – that purports to counsel people with alternatives to homosexuality -  in truth a mask to their promotion of so called reparative therapy; Dr Alicia Salzer , a Psychiatrist who helps people traumatized by homophobic related reparative treatment;  Rev Doctor Neil Thomas from MCC Church; a married Gay couple who met at the Exodus Ex-Gay Conference;  Janey Boynes from her self named Ministry for ex-gays.

Reparative therapy comes from a conservative standpoint.  Dr. Salzer noted – “I see harm coming from it as a Psychiatrist.” The producer of a   documentary called “Abomination” she noted that she met hundreds of people who had tried such so called therapies which had ” resulted in very harsh circumstances.  Janey Boynes , describes herself as an ordained Evangelist, who gives spiritual guidance, to those looking to change!

“Very disturbing and sad, ” said the  MCC. Reverend.  Christians who love G-d are subjected to  psychology and spiritual violence with Exodus like ex-gay programs.  Why cant people be gay and Christian?

To compare it to disease and addictions is harmful was the consensus between those  guests who were vehemently opposed to the Exodus and ex-gay movement.   “Christians are not qualified to do such work in the name of Christianity.  It must stop. we must bring an end to this harm.

Alan chambers:  “We are a christian ministry – we are simply offering an alternative.  We cannot say it GAY  can be changed guaranteed. We are giving people  a chance to make a decision for themselves.   This remark was countered by the references to Exodus’ website and the billboards that  refer tacitly  to  the need to change – it was countered further by the comments stating that if Exodus is indeed offering alternative why do they fail to help confused people by shaming them about being Gay. The only way to not shame people – is to note that Gay is an okay way to stay – because its basically bullshit that Gay people when finding love – are unable to lead productive and happy lives.

Not everyone is Christian and yet Exodus expects people to live their lives based on their concept of death. The going to hell aspect is pervasive in conference, and everywhere.  It was even reiterated by Jayne on the show.  That was her message.  So while purporting to offer alternatives the reality is they are offering shame as the only alternative to so called reform and within the context they are denying that they are participating in what is known as reparative therapy.

Dr. Salzer noted that although  Chamber says that he is not a proponent of raparative therapy,  you will see books on – and referrals to reparative  therapy.

What is disconcerting is that while asserting counseling – what Exodus does is not therapeutic but  faith based and based on prayer. It is very confusing to ascertain precisely what they do.  Prayer or counseling – unclear?

Kids are killing hemselves because of the shame infused by people and groups like Exodus. They are  suicidal – not because they are born gay and ARE gay, lesbian, transgender, but because they are shamed into thinking it is not normal nor okay to be Gay by faith based groups.

The young  married couple , Larry and KC Janson assured that People are being detrimentally impacted, harmed and affected by faith based groups suggesting and messaging -that unless you are ex-gay you are diseased, addicted !- That the  programs to HELP to become ex-gay -  message: “Be gay and you will  get AIDS and have no kids and never attain a loving monogamous relationship – go to hell etc. -  of course they are going to want to be changed – but will  feel conflicted about their sexuality nonetheless and what could be more harmful than that message?

Larry Janson found love as did his husband KC  who comes from a Southern baptist Christian family.  They both believe that G-d loves them and are very strong in their faith – fully embracing their Christian religion. ” I can be who I am and have a relationship with G-d and still be gay.”

We have to find a way to eradicate these ministries that say G-d cant love LGBT people for being gay. ” Your conferences and billboards say you can change people, ” asserts Janson .  I dont understand how you can run that kind of ministry and d say you are not  touting reparative therapy.

Janey Boynes: “It is important to let viewers know that God loves everybody therefore G-d can change your life (burp !-oops that was me!) – that was a blupse  no on her part… I mean she just basically implied hell right – that change is a must!!!  That is exactly what Jansons and Dr. Salzer were asserting – that is the message of shame.  “I am a good friend of Alan  and support Exodus international-” and there is the buddy link – Birds of a feather. Chambers cannot escape the fact that Exodus and ex-gay provides in reality no alternative – but rather an imperative – “come to us because you must change.” Therein lies the danger – the spilled blood -!

UHUH Janey?

Her website:

“Let me share my testimony as I tell how God called me out of homosexuality.

I believe that what God has done for me, He can also do for you.

If you are struggling with homosexuality, I’m living proof that there is hope through Jesus Christ.

I can offer insight and help provide resources for those seeking a way out.”

———————————————————————

Dr. Drew ended the show by noting the huge amount of internet interest and the any questions.  We will post the Video as soon as we can.

I am now a fan Dr. Drew! It was clear that you are on the side of truth and science  – a realist and you also gave those crazies a fair shake!! Now lets just give them a shake….. comments please…

LETS TELL THE TRUTH ANYONE ONCE GAY IS NOW BISEXUAL – They admit the attraction is still there but in abatement and are in heterosexual relationships = BISEXUAL in my book.

This what appears on the Exodus website in FAQ’s – and show Mr Chambers up as a cowardly liar. To try and have us believe that EXODUS is not involved in shaming and reparative intent is plainly a lie.  I say thank goodness Apple refused his APP.  If you want your freedom of speech Mr. Chambers, then please dont speak with forked tongue!

What does the Bible say about homosexuality?

December 18, 2009 

The Bible is very clear about its condemnation of homosexual conduct. Both the Old and New Testaments speak with one voice on this subject. In spite of the publicity given to pro-gay theologians in recent years, serious and consistent exegetical study still allows no other interpretation.

Those who take seriously the authority of God’s Word should be aware that perhaps no subject poses a greater threat to the place of Scripture in our world today. If the world (and too often, even the church) can be convinced that we can ignore what the Bible teaches about homosexuality, then every other teaching of Scripture can be rationalized. Rejecting its teachings means confidence in the Bible as the inspired Word of God will be seriously eroded.

Unfortunately, Christians have not taken the time to prepare to defend the truth we believe. We may be familiar with the relevant passages, but simply quoting those passages will do nothing for those who have taken the time to understand the pro-gay arguments.

Those arguments usually will be based on one or more of the following approaches to the Bible:

1. References to homosexuality are simply relics of the culture at a certain time and place. Generally this argument does not deny what the Bible says; it just relegates it to a particular era of ignorance and prejudice.
2. The words used for homosexuality have been misunderstood and/or misinterpreted. These words don’t refer to homosexuality as we know it today.
3. Those who wrote the relevant passages of Scripture had no knowledge or understanding of committed gay relationships. Consequently, these passages only refer to specific homosexual acts and not homosexuality as a whole.
4. Jesus never said one word about homosexuality.

These arguments conveniently overlook several key factors. The passages that speak against homosexuality were written over a span of almost two thousand years. From the theocentric Old Testament tribes of the Judean wilderness to the cosmopolitan, multicultural and idol-saturated  cities of New Testament Greece and Rome, God clearly intended to call all cultures throughout all times to conform to His Word.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

By Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com
Facebook Melanie
twitter @oblogdeeoblogda

LGR’s resident advice experts, Riley Dylan and Natasia are teaming up to tackle the pervasive issue of Lesbian Bed Death. Get the perspective of the Boi and the Femme at once. Strap it on, ladies, this is going to be a wild ride!   

Hello,

I’m from Windsor Ontario and I have been with the same girl for a year and 8 months now. I love her to death; want to spend the rest of my life with her. But things changed, we are not the way we used to be, we don’t have sex like we used to. We use to have sex for 2 days straight and when I say 2 days straight I mean wake up have sex, eat sex, shower sex, watch TV and have sex and so on. And at a bunch of different and crazy places, now I’m lucky if I have sex in once a monthI need some help to bring the spark back, I want to have sex all the time, but she never wants to.

But a lil more about the relationship…I was straight before I met her, and it was like love at first sight, we met at a friend’s party and just hit it off. We started talking and hanging out then because I wanted to get to know her first and not just jump into it, a month later we were dating. About 3 months after that we moved in together and have been together ever since. We have a dog, go to the local gay bar every weekend, have random date nights, and still no sex.

Any ideas on how I can get that lust back again???

Hope you can help

Peaceandlove07

Riley Dylan: Lesbian Bed Death strikes again!  I’ve been hearing more and more of this lately.  Ladies, what gives?  All right, Peaceandlove07, we’re here to help you out.  Is there any intimacy remaining?  Do you still kiss?  Cuddle?

Listen, I don’t want to give you the same answer that I often see to this question, which is “Go to the adult toy store, role play, dress up, blah, blah.”  The problem here is SHE doesn’t want to have sex and you do.  She’s not going to want to do any of those things if she’s not wanting to have sex in the first place.  You don’t have any control over her feelings.  What you have control over is YOU.  So take all this time that you are spending not having sex and concentrate on yourself.  Work out, join a meet-up group, buy some new clothes, become more independent.  If you create new spark in your own life, she’s going to see it and that may pull a spark out of her.  Or you’re going to attract attention from other girls, and that might light a match under her.. ahem…, too!

I’m a boi tho, with a just bit of testosterone, so often wonder myself where the lack of sex drive comes from.  Lez ask a Femme and see if she has any ideas.  Natasia?

Natasia: Riley, femmes have just as much sex drive as you bois! I think your advice is great, but I would give that advice to anyone, not just a couple struggling with Lesbian Bed Death (Note to femmes: LBD doesn’t just stand for Little Black Dress).

I’m so glad you found a girl you want to be with PeaceandLove07! That’s great. Relationships are work though, all couples start off strong with tons of sex and it naturally tapers off. You really need to talk to her and make sure that she still feels the same way about you as you do about her. Make sure that her sex drive isn’t reflecting her emotions about the relationship. Also, there might be a physical reason she hasn’t wanted to have sex, ie. weight gain, sensitivity issues. If all is well emotionally and physically, I would recommend that you get your behinds to your local sex store and stock up on all your favorite things/potentially favorite things.

You guys should get away. Go away for a weekend or even just one night, get yourself into a new bed and new surroundings. Something that doesn’t remind you of the everyday routine. Light candles, take a bath together, wear lingerie and heels, give her a massage, tell her how good you want to make her feel and how much you love her, etc. You know, all those gay things. They are classics because they work. (Even if Riley doesn’t agree because she is a big dumb boi)

Also remember that kissing and foreplay doesn’t always have to lead to sex, being romantic and physical with her without pressure to go any further might be what she needs from you. This is your first lesbian relationship and just FYI, girls need romance and soft touches as much as they need orgasms. Because you love this girl so much, try out both my advice and Riley’s, we pretty much covered the spectrum. If nothing Riley and I mention works…you might have to admit that the relationship isn’t working anymore and find someone who wants to have sex with you.

Good luck Peace&Love07! Keep us updated!

Xoxo Riley & Natasia

Have a question for the Boi or the Femme? Don’t be shy, we want to hear from you! Email RDylan1980@gmail.com or askafemme@yahoo.com

Related articles

• Lez Ask the Boi: Am I Leading Her On? (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask The Femme: Reeling Her In (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask The Femme: I’m Over my Ex, Now What? (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Boi: What Makes a Good Wingman? (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Should I Let My Girlfriend Have a Boyfriend? (lezgetreal.com)

Spyer died in 2009. Due to DOMA’s discriminatory policies, Windsor was not able to claim the estate tax marital deduction that is available when the surviving spouse is of the opposite sex. In her lawsuit, Windsor is seeking to have DOMA declared unconstitutional and to obtain a refund of the federal estate tax that she was forced to pay following Spyer’s death. The lawsuit will be filed with the assistance of the American Civil Liberties Union, the law firm of Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison LLP and the New York Civil Liberties Union.

“After Thea died, the fact that the federal government refused to recognize our marriage was devastating,” said Windsor. “In the midst of my grief at the loss of the love of my life, I had to deal with my own government saying that we weren’t a family.”

Windsor, a senior computer systems programmer, and Spyer, a clinical psychologist, met in the early 1960s, and lived together for decades in an apartment in Greenwich Village. Despite not being able to get legally married, they got engaged in 1967. Over 30 years ago, Spyer was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and Windsor helped her through her long battle with the disease. After building a life together for more than 40 years, they were finally married in Toronto in May 2007. Their relationship is the subject of a documentary entitled, “Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement.”

“We treasured every moment of our 44 years together and were thrilled to be able to finally have the chance to spend our last years together as a legally married couple,” said Windsor. “It meant so much to us that our commitment to each other had finally been recognized.”

Windsor was the sole beneficiary of Spyer’s estate. Because they were married, Spyer’s estate normally would have passed to her spouse without any tax. But because DOMA refuses to recognize otherwise valid marriages of same-sex couples, Spyer’s estate had to pay more than $350,000 in federal estate taxes. Earlier this year, Windsor requested a full refund from the government. The IRS rejected that claim, citing DOMA.

“Edie and Thea were together for 44 years, the last two of which they were lucky enough to spend as a married couple,” said James Esseks, Director of the ACLU Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Project. “All Edie is seeking is the same treatment for her marriage that the federal government appropriately gives to married straight couples. It is completely unfair for the federal government to pretend that Edie and Thea were strangers, and to tax them that way.”

In the lawsuit, Windsor alleges that DOMA violates the equal protection guarantee of the U.S. Constitution because it recognizes marriages of heterosexual couples, but not of same-sex couples, despite the fact that New York State treats all marriages the same.

“If Thea were ‘Theo’ instead of ‘Thea,’ then Edie, as Thea’s spouse, would have inherited Thea’s estate tax-free,” said Roberta Kaplan of Paul, Weiss. “Edie and Thea were denied equal treatment, and it is obviously unjust that there should be a tax simply for being gay.”

“No one should have to fight with the government after losing the person she’s loved for more than four decades,” said NYCLU Executive Director Donna Lieberman. “Edie and Thea made the same life-long commitment that other married couples make, and their marriage deserves the same dignity, respect and protection afforded other families.”

Another lawsuit raising the same legal challenge to DOMA is being filed tomorrow in federal court in Hartford, CT. Brought by Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders, that case includes five married couples and one widower from three states who are harmed by DOMA in a variety of significant ways, including denial of health care coverage and social security benefits.

Both of these cases follow similar litigation in Massachusetts, where a federal district judge ruled last summer that DOMA violates the federal Constitution. That case, Gill v. Office of Personnel Management, challenged the federal government’s refusal to recognize the marriages of same-sex couples legally married in Massachusetts and is now on appeal. The case was also brought by GLAD. Windsor’s case pursues the same legal theory in the context of federal estate taxes.

Windsor is represented by Kaplan and Andrew Ehrlich of Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison, LLP; Esseks and Rose Saxe of the ACLU LGBT Project; and Arthur Eisenberg and Alexis Karteron of the New York Civil Liberties Union.

Melanie Nathan
nathan@privatecourts.com

Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I dish out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career and family. This week, one of our advice seekers is back with an update on her, her girl and needs advice on how to take the relationship to the next level.

Hellllooooo Nurseee! Hello there again, I’m not sure if you remember but I wrote in earlier in the year about a lovely lady that I met at work that I was trying to win over. [If you don’t remember O.U.’s questions, check out the Lez Ask the Femme archives!] I took your advice and started subtly with a casual lunch date after work. It’s been about a 2 1/2 months since her and I have been dating quite casually, seeing each other about twice a week. She’s openly bi-sexual and from what she tells me, I have enough information to believe that she likes me but I’m not necessarily sure how serious she’s taking me. She picks and chooses what she wishes to share with me and she tries her hardest to not share intimate information with me that pertains to us (i.e. She will not tell directly tell me how she feels about me and the possibility of there actually being an “us”). But when its personal information that pertains to her personal life and feelings, she cannot wait for me to pick her brain. She doesn’t ask me questions about myself but she says it’s because she prefers to figure it out on her own. I’m assuming this is because she is recently coming out of a one year relationship with a man and that she’s possibly still a little sore over what happened between them. I like her even more than I did before, I’d even like to love her someday. I know so many things about her and her person that I respect so deeply. I find her opinion’s to be honest and without influence from others. She carries herself like a Lady, she’s aware of how sexy she is without actually flaunting herself towards others and I like that. I have not the slightest idea of how to proceed into taking this situation deeper or if I should at all. I just want to be hers, please help me.

Thank you,

 O.U.

 Hello O.U,

 Thanks for updating us on your situation! I’m glad that you were able to take the first steps to get the girl, now you need to decide if you want to reel her in. She loves when you ask her questions about herself? As long as you like hearing about her innermost feelings, keep doing it. The fact that she does not ask you questions is a red flag, it may stem from her not being ready for a relationship, like you suggest or it may indicate that she isn’t really interested in your life as much as she is interested in your adoration. You deserve better than that. But I’m not going to tell you to give up on her! You’ve made a serious time and emotional investment in this girl and you need to follow through. I would suggest being straight forward and ditching the games. Ask her out to a nice local restaurant for dinner, which is a “serious potential relationship” date. After the entrees and before dessert, tell her that you think she’s amazing and want to take the relationship to the next level. Let her know that the “next level” isn’t marriage, but “girlfriend” status would be nice. You’ve waited patiently for almost 3 months, which is a good speed and places you solidly out of “U-haul” territory. I think she will go for it, but if she doesn’t, you don’t need to cut her off or take that as the final word on the subject. Keep dating her casually but go out with other women at the same time and let her know that you are exploring your options. This might light a fire under her butt to make sure she reels YOU in. Ahem, but like I said, take the straight forward, no games route before you try the second. Go get your girl! Good luck and let me know how it goes.

Have a question? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com

Related articles

• Lez Ask the Femme: Should I Let My Girlfriend Have a Boyfriend? (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: She’s Not Ready For a Relationship (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Finding the Girl & Getting the Girl (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Am I Bisexual or Lesbian? (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask The Femme: Getting Started (lezgetreal.com)
•  Lez Ask the Femme: Dating Sucks (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Married Women (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Stumbling Blocks (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Go For It (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask The Femme: Time to Break-Up (lezgetreal.com)

09/20/2010- by Riley Dylan

Related articles by Zemanta

• Interview With Director Christine Chew (lezgetreal.com)
• Interview with Robin Dalea of “The Real Girl’s Guide to Everything Else” (lezgetreal.com)

Hi,

I recently ran into a woman I’ve had an eye on for years…. attractive, talented, all of that.  She was very sweet and friendly with me… and finally single!  But — she said she needed a “break” from the dating scene for a while.  Not really in the market now.  (I had never to my knowledge directly told or even hinted to her that I was queer before, but she seemed to casually know anyway.)  She said she could help introduce me to other girls maybe… but she’s who I really want!  Moreover, my mom has a particularly high regard for her as well, so she’s the only person I know of that my family would support initially rather than questioning like, “What is she DOING dating a woman??”.  How do I resolve this?

Thank you,

WS

Hi WS,

I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but the girl you want? She’s just not into you. She’s being a good person (which is probably why you are so taken with her) and letting you down gently. Which doesn’t mean she doesn’t think you are great; she wouldn’t want to introduce you to her friends if she thought you were a dating dud.

 I think that you SHOULD take her up on her offer to introduce you to other women, but do it in a way where you give her first dibs. Call her up, say “I’ve been thinking about your offer to introduce me to other girls, and I want to take you up on it. You’re the one I want, but if I can’t have you, I need to find someone else!” Which is completely true! Chances are if she really isn’t interested, she will laugh this off as a joke and your pride will still be intact. If she is interested, she will put the kibosh on introducing you around. Either way, you win. This woman probably knows other women who are as pretty, smart, talented, etc. as she is.

As for the family part, you might want to consider coming out to your family and getting them used to the idea that you will be dating women before you actually bring one home. You don’t want your poor girlfriend to have to deal with meeting the parents both as a new partner and as the woman who is “turning their daughter gay.”

Good luck, WS and keep in touch!

Dear Femme, 

My girlfriend of a little over a year recently broke up with me. She says that she needs time for herself but she does not want to rule out us dating again but right now is not the time for her. Before the breakup we were very happy and had a very healthy relationship. The cause of the break-up is a little complicated. I graduated in May and have been trying to find a job and it was beginning to really take a toll on me, therefore hurting the relationship. Since then, I have found a job and I feel much more confident in myself and generally just a much happier person. All my friends tell me to forget about her, move on but I can’t help feeling as though we had something so special and that I can’t help but want to work on it rather than just giving up on her all together. I haven’t tried to contact her since the break-up but she still does text me once and awhile. What do I do? Just forget about her and move on or try to win her back? 

Confused 

Hi Confused,

I’m sorry to hear about your break-up. I have to agree with your friends, you should probably move on. BUT I believe in communication and I think you should let your ex know how you feel. Write her an email, saying exactly what you told me above about your job situation and how you are happier now and miss the special connection you had.

Don’t call her instead of sending an email. Email is better than phone for this, because you can express your feelings in an organized way, without interruption.

If she responds again saying she’s not ready for a relationship, cut all communication with her until you are completely over her. Get out there, start dating again, meet girls your friends introduce you too who ARE ready for a relationship, because it sounds like you want a relationship. You’re happy, spread your positive energy! Other women will pick up on your positivity and be drawn to it.  

Good luck Confused, and let me know how it goes!

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

Related articles by Zemanta

• Lez Ask the Femme: Finding the Girl & Getting the Girl (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Should I let my Girlfriend Have a Boyfriend? (lezgetreal.com)
• The Real L Word Recap: Episode 8 (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Am I Bisexual or Lesbian? (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask The Femme: Getting Started (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Dating Sucks (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Married Women (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Stumbling Blocks (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Go For It (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask The Femme: Time to Break-Up (lezgetreal.com)

Melanie Nathan 08-11-10

I’m Getting Married in the morning..ding dong the bells are gonna chime…tra lalala

03/17/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

“Gregory and Jonathan: A Love that Beat the Odds,” that is the title of Gregory and Jonathan’s entry in the Crate and BarrelUltimate Wedding contest. Their profile acknowledges the fact that they have struggled with acceptance from mainstream society. Jonathan is actually a hate crime victim, he was attacked in 2008 and was severely injured. Despite the hatred they have experienced, the couple is proud of themselves for dealing with it, staying together, staying true to who they are and living their life openly and honestly. On their profile at the contest website, they say:

The pure existence of our love is not always accepted. We had to deal with hatred from outsiders and support one another in recovery. Our love story involves the evolution of the meaning of love and the perseverance that allowed two people such as us to openly experience happiness. We knew that we were right for each other from the start, we knew that we would always be by one another’s sides and that as best friends we could truly experience our love openly.

Gregory and Jonathan are now being attacked for their entry into the Crate and Barrel Contest by online commenters. GLAADis reporting that the couple is being attacked all over the internet, in particular, a Chicago blogger who identifies as a police officer posted an especially anti-gay entry that has since been removed. Before it was removed, several people left hateful, bigoted comments.

The couple said that they considered dropping out of the contest because of all the attacks. However, they are committed to standing up for gay couples everywhere. Jonathan said: “We have the power to change society, we have the power to make a difference.”

Gregory and Jonathan are currently in second place in the competition, which certainly shows that there is more support for the LGBT community than hatred. The haters just speak loudly, harshly and often. Gregory and Jonathan are great examples of people staying true to themselves and remaining strong in the face of adversity. If there is anything to be learned from this, it is to stay true to yourself. Read the rest of their profile and vote for Gregory and Jonathan Here

Related articles by Zemanta

• Gay couple Gregory and Jonathan compete in Crate Barrels Ultimate Wedding contest(miamiherald.typepad.com)

Hey Lezzies, Welcome back to “Ask A Femme.” I’m Natasia and I will be dishing out advice on love, dating, relationships, friendship, career, family and fashion issues. Are your friends tired of trying to come up with the solutions to your problems? Are your friends the problem? Did your mom surprise you with a date with the nice guy at her office? I’m here to help!   This installment of Ask the Femme starts off with a follow-up question from “Ask the Femme: Time to Move on”  

Dear Femme,

Here is my follow-up story

I’m 30 yrs old, and I have been married almost 11 years. I started working at the company I’m still at today 2 years ago, and I met this woman who just completely took my breath away. She is no longer with the company, but I still think about her all the time. I shared my feelings with my husband, and he is very supportive. He thought it would be a good idea to let her know how I feel, but I just can’t do it. I’ve never had feelings for any woman before, but with her it’s like I have strong feelings, and I don’t even really know her. I know it can’t be love, but it sure does feel like it. Also I’m married so regardless I couldn’t pursue it now even if I wanted to. I’m still so confused, and need help. I can’t always talk to my husband about it, and really wish I knew someone going through the same thing.

Can’t Stand It

Thanks for writing in again, CSI. I want you to know that you aren’t alone. There are many women who have been in your shoes. It’s good (if a little confusing) that your husband knows about your struggle with your attraction to your co-worker. I agree that you need to find someone else to talk to about it. Perhaps you have a best friend or an LBQ friend who is willing to talk with you. If not, I recommend seeing a counselor who can really add a neutral, third party perspective.

I think eventually you should approach the girl. But before you approach her, I think that you need to know what you want from her. Do you want to sleep with her? Have a threesome? Date her? Is your husband okay with you dating someone else and having feelings for them? Or just to sleep with them? Are you still attracted to your husband or do you think you might be a lesbian? These are questions you need to solve yourself before you approach your former co-worker. Learn about yourself and then take action.

I found a writer that you may be interested in. Married women who love women- http://users.erols.com/carrens/ Carren Strock was in your situation and has written a book and maintains a blog aimed at women like yourself who are struggling coming to terms with their sexual orientation after marriage.

Good Luck, CSI and let us know how it turns out!

Dear Femme,

I’m a 34 year old dyke, I’ve been in two serious long-term relationships and I am looking to settle down with that special someone. I think I’ve found her, there’s only one problem, she’s still married to her husband. She has been having affairs with other women behind his back for almost 10 years now and she says that I’m the first woman she would consider leaving him for. However, it’s been almost a year and she still hasn’t even separated from him! I love her, but I’m getting tired of waiting. Do you think she is yanking my chain or should I stick around?

Too Old For This

Hi TOFT,

Thanks for writing! I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don’t think your girlfriend is going to leave her husband for you. I think that deep down inside, you already know this. This woman has been doing this for ten years, she’s never left her husband and she’s probably not going to start now.

 I’m not saying she doesn’t have real feelings for you, but chances are she had feelings for the other women who have come and gone in her life. For whatever reason, TOFT, your girlfriend enjoys playing games with other women. Maybe she’s bi and her husband has given her permission to discreetly fulfill her desires or women or maybe she likes the attention that she receives from women outside of her marriage, either way, she’s happy. She gets to have her cake and eat it too. I suggest that you cut your losses and move on, so that you can find someone who is ready to start a life with you.  

Good luck TOFT and keep in touch!

Dear Femme,

This is a really long story so I hope you read it to the end. My friend, “K”, was in a long term relationship until her partner died, 3 months ago, after a really long illness. After her partner died, K and I started hooking up. She was really sad so I comforted her. Soon we were seeing each other everyday, I would bring over food for her and help her with her laundry and stuff. It was like we were girlfriends. She told me she wasn’t ready to date, but that if she was she would be with me. Then, a week ago, she told me she had a new girlfriend! She said she was so excited about her new relationship and she hoped I understood that she wasn’t ready to be with me. What gives? My friends say that K’s new girlfriend is just a rebound and when they break up, K will be ready to be with me. Like she’s saving the best for last. What do you think? Should I date someone else to make her jealous?  

Special K Confused

Hi SKC,

First of all, please never date another woman just to make someone else jealous, that’s really cruel for the person who is being used. Remember, treat others the way you would like to be treated.

K is treating you very, very badly. I have to say that I disagree with your friends, I don’t think that K is ever going to be ready to date you. It’s amazing that K can be in a relationship at all, given how recent her loss is. She would be better off getting a therapist who can help her sort out her pain than getting a girlfriend. Either way, K has seen the value of keeping you around. You make her feel good, you bring her things, you are around everyday and I’m sure that helps her get over the pain of losing her partner. While it makes her feel better, it is making you feel awful. You need to extricate yourself from  this situation before you get hurt further. Instead of dating someone else to make K jealous, why don’t you date someone who is in a place where they are ready for a long term relationship? As hard as it may be, you need to forget about K and move on. Maybe in the future, when she is really over her loss, K will contact you again. But don’t live for that day, live for yourself and live in the present.  

Good luck, SKC and keep in touch!

Related articles by Zemanta

• Lez Ask the Femme: Dating Sucks (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask the Femme: Go For It (lezgetreal.com)
• Lez Ask The Femme: Time to Break-Up (lezgetreal.com)

02/08/2010- by Natasia Langfelder

Rachel Maddow wants you to know that she is not getting married. Maddow is currently living with her long term partner, artist Susan Mikula. Maddow and Mikula met when Maddow was a grad student. Maddow shoveled Mikula’s driveway…among other things.

Maddow said in an interview today:

“This spring, we will have been together for 11 years, and our relationship is serious and happy, mature, monogamous. We like having the right…but we’re making our own decision about whether we should exercise it.”

I don’t want to delve into the validity of Maddow’s relationship. However, statements such as these generally occur right before the couple in question breaks up. This applies to gay or straight relationships. Ladies, feel free to get your hopes up.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Lez Ask The Femme: Time to Break-Up (lezgetreal.com)
• Kirsten Gillibrand on Rachel Maddow (lezgetreal.com)

Every day LGBT people face inequalities that just don’t make sense, from small acts of discrimination to ones with tragic consequences. The hard reality is that you find out what rights you have when you need them the most. For many of us, that means that we have to ask ourselves, am I protected? Unfortunately, we have a long ways to go, and each and every one of us must do our part. Visit http://amiprotected.org.

Charlene Strong lost her partner Kate Fleming after a tragic flooding incident in Seattle in late 2006, and was nearly barred from seeing Fleming in her last moments of life. Strongs heart-wrenching testimony about the hospital ordeal helped prompt Washington State to pass domestic partnership protections for same-sex couples. The award-winning feature documentary “for my wife” chronicles Strongs journey through tragedy to activism.

Equal Rights Washington Education Fund is responsible for this ad. http://amiprotected.org

The letter said:

Your marriage was a momentous event. There is usually a period of adjustment after a marriage, unless you have been together a long time. How satisfied are you with your marital relationship now?

You have an opportunity to evaluate your relationship by thinking about your answers to a questionnaire on the internet. If you do not have access to the Internet at home or work, you should be able to do so free at a public library or for a small fee at an internet cafe.

The questionnaire is entirely enonymous and contains no advertising. It is for adults of all ages, genders, and cultural backgrounds, in a marriage, other committed relationships or a casual relationship. It has been approved by the Human Subjects Protection Committee at Whittier College.

The study is being conducted by Professor of Psychology Charles T Hill, PhD through the Whittier College website at http://web.whittier.edu/chill/ir.

The call for couples concluded by saying:

This is especially important now at a time when the definition of marriage is being debated.

The study will also reportedly allow comparisons with a previous study on intimate relationships done in 1972 called the Boston Couples Study.

Same-sex couples are encouraged to participate, although the study is open to anyone over the age of 18.

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her online by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

If they pass Prop. 8 we have a chance to run! From what you say? From being married! LOL Since we got married it’s been good, but those who are married know that once you say ‘I do’ your spouse starts saying ‘I don’t’. You start bickering over which family you will visit for the holidays, why didn’t you take the trash out, stuff like that. So, here it is. Prop. 8 passed by a slim margin and now we are wondering… what do we do now?? Jerry Brown says our marriage is still valid. Does that mean it’s still recognized by others in our state? What about other states? The answers will come but in the meantime what do you think… should I run while I have the chance?? LOL (**you know I’m j/k I LOVE my wife/partner/girlfriend or whatever she is now!) But seriously… should I run? HaHa
Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her online by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

A housewife is a woman who is the primary caregiver of the home, many times foregoing a paid job to manage her household, which may or may not include raising children.

I myself am a lesbian housewife. A housewife in 2008 may work out of the home, work from inside the home, or not work at all. The main component of her duties as manager of all that relates to the home does not diminish because of her career, or the career of her spouse. The main duties of a housewife can include meal preparation, household cleaning, laundry duties, and managing any children. Many women take pride in taking care of their home and family, but I believe that in this day and age the existence of what is referred to as a ‘desperate housewife’ is becoming more widespread amongst straight and lesbian women alike, and I call this Desperate Housewife Syndrome.

The term ‘desperate housewife’ has been made popular by the TV show Desperate Housewives, but I want to bring attention to the fact that becoming a desperate housewife is a silent epidemic.

We all know that women in general can be a bit EMO to begin with, but there is a lot that contributes to the unique emotions that a housewife experiences as compared to a single woman, or woman who shares homemaking with her spouse. To begin with there is the element of isolation that comes with being committed to your home more so than your social life or career. If you have children, you might find yourself with less adult interaction and more involvement in child centered activities than before. Plus, household duties such as laundry, meals and cleaning are never ending jobs. The current culture of housewives everywhere is pretty competitive and many women are reluctant to admit any negative feelings they might have about being a housewife for fear of being judged negatively by other houswives, gay or straight.

Many housewives have a fantasy in their heads of a perfectly clean home with everything put in its place, well mannered children, unlimited finances and the physical energy to create home cooked meals and unforgetable family memories; maybe even a brilliant career on top of it all.

The ‘Super Woman Syndrome’ and the idea that women can ‘have it all’ fuel this epidemic by giving women unrealistic expectations of themselves. More and more housewives are prescribing to anti-depressants, and it’s easy to understand. Managing a home (and possibly the children too) is an extremely underappreciated and low paying position. If you don’t work out of the home, the change of scenery and lack of social interaction can get to be a bit boring too.

What is interesting to note about depression is that it stems from anger at the self, and desperation is a form of hopelessness.

Could it be that Desperate Housewife Syndrome stems from anger at not being able to be a ‘Super Woman’? Isn’t being a ‘Super Woman’ a situation that seems hopeless?

I’ve been down the road of trying to be a ‘Super Woman’ and have found myself feeling pretty depressed about life. There was a point when both of my children were in diapers, I had just moved into a new home, and was getting my home business off the ground at the same time. My children are my main priority, and caring for them is a full time job in itself. I was extremely overwhelmed and the first thing to suffer was my household duties. I noticed that I had a problem when I was planning how to re-arrange the furniture in our bedroom so that any daily messes were not visible from the living room. It really hit home when I began putting our laundry from the dryer onto the couch, and it wouldn’t make its way to the drawers so that the whole family began getting dressed in front of the couch each morning. (*yikes!) I didn’t have time to be ‘Super Woman’ with a perpetually sparkling clean home and I was feeling pretty down about it.

Of course, talking to other women about it was out of the question, and I found myself in a situation where I didn’t want to have anybody coming over to the house unless it was perfectly clean.

FlyLady.net describes this as living in CHAOS – Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome. I totally resonated with this and delved into learning more about FLY Lady. FLY stands for Finally Loving Yourself. Once I took a look at FLY Lady and realized that I was living in CHAOS, I was able to open my eyes to the fact that I was not alone in the way that I felt. I took steps to figure out how to overcome Desperate Houswife Syndrome and come to a place where I am content with my situation. Now I feel hopeful about the future and have moved into becoming a Happy Housewife like the one in the picture below.

My happy housewife
Originally uploaded by Enrico Matteucci

Some of the ideas from FLY lady that helped me on my journey to becoming a Happy Housewife were:

-To ‘shine your sink’ every night before going to bed as a gift to yourself. A clean kitchen sink is a good gift for a Housewife – give it to yourself each night!

-Dress down to your shoes. Every morning when you wake up, get dressed with your full hair makeup and shoes on so that you are prepared for whatever comes your way that day.

-30 Minute Missions. Take 30 minutes to hit the hot spots around your house and put things away where they belong.

For more ideas by FLY Lady you can visit the homepage here or check out the following links for FLYing ideas that are best for your situation:

- Work Outside the Home Flybabies
- FLYing while Pregnant
- FLYing with a Baby
- FLYing with Pre-schoolers
- FLYing with School Age Children
- FLYing with Teenagers
- FLYing with Homeschoolers
- FLYing with Big Families
- FLYing as a Single parent

Other ideas that helped me to become a Happy Housewife:

-Daily Exercise. Even if its just 10 minutes of dancing around the living room, getting my body moving really contributes to an overall feeling of well being. Plus maintaining my weight boosts my confidence!

-A Regular Beauty Regimen. Make it a point to calendar time to maintain your appearance whether it’s putting on moisturizer, tweezing your brows, giving yourself a facial, conditioning your hair, etc. Take some time regularly to pamper yourself a bit.

-Adopt an Attitude of Gratitude. Learn to love your responsibilities by being grateful for them. Be grateful you are someone who has dishes to wash and clothes to fold!

-Maintain Open Communication With Your Spouse. Don’t be afraid to verbalize your needs and let your spouse know what you are going through. They can’t read our minds and dropping hints about what we need, beating around the bush about changes we would like to see, or holding in resentments isn’t going to help you become a Happy Housewife in any way. Communication can bring understanding and sometimes that’s all you need after a long day.

-If You Have Children, Create a Routine. This is good for them and good for you too. Developing a routine can provide a sense of security as mentioned in the article The Importance of Routines. The most important routines to establish are routines for mealtimes and bedtime.

-Find Social Outlets. Get active and get out of the house! Attend social events and participate in activities that allow you to make social connections with like minded people.

-Don’t Try to ‘Do It All’. Learn how to ask for help, delegate chores, and get other members of the household to work together on big tasks.

-Learn to Roll With the Punches. Mentally prepare yourself for life’s daily challenges and imagine yourself ‘going with the flow’.

If you find yourself dealing with Desperate Housewife Syndrome and incorporate these ideas into your life, you should notice a change in your perspective and general sense of well being.

Life will continue to change and present challenges, but you will notice your attitude change for the positive. The elimination of Desperate Housewife Syndrome is a beautiful thing! I truly feel this is an unspoken epidemic and simply reaching out can make a big difference, so don’t be shy to discuss what you are going through with other housewives.

Desperate Housewife Syndrome doesn’t have to rule your life – you can be a Happy Housewife!

I hope that you enjoyed this post, and that I have been a help to any housewives out there who need it, lesbian or not. Take care and thank you for reading!

Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her online by visiting her website at www.juliephineas.com.

What is the difference between domestic partnership and marriage?

According to the General Accounting Office 1,049 federal differences. These are just a couple:

*the right to sponsor a partner for immigration purposes
*the right to family-related Social Security benefits
*the right to federal income and estate tax breaks, about 59 of them
*the right to purchase continued health coverage for a partner after the loss of a job

We all heard the stories of same sex couples going through horrific ordeals after the 9/11 attacks.

Some didn’t only lose the love of their life, they lost that supporting income and they did not qualify for federal help. Another example of a benefit can be found in the case of Rosie O’Donnell. On February 27, 2004, Rosie O’Donnell traveled to San Francisco to wed her partner, Kelli Carpenter. Appearing on Good Morning America, she explained that previously, during a court battle with the publisher of Rosie magazine, O’Donnell’s attorneys requested that communications between her and her partner be excluded from testimony. Although communications between a husband and wife routinely receive this “spousal privilege,” the court rejected her request. “As a result,” O’Donnell explained, “everything that I said to Kelli, every letter that I wrote her, every e-mail, every correspondence and conversation was entered into the record. After the trial, I am now and will forever be a total proponent of gay marriage.”

According to the ACLU website:

Under current federal law, the federal government does not recognize marriages of same-sex couples. This means that married same-sex couples currently do not have any of the rights, benefits, or protections that federal law gives to married heterosexual couples, such as the ability to file joint federal income taxes or receive federal spousal benefits through social security or other federal programs.

This is why it is important to VOTE NO on proposition 8.

It is the first step in fighting for the same rights, about 1,049, that are given to heterosexual married couples. People sit there and say that we are whining and that we are crying, well your damn right we are. If there wasn’t such a massive difference then we wouldn’t care, but there is and it isn’t right to not allow us the same rights. Either you make it so NO ONE gets those federal rights or you make it so that it is equal across the board no matter if it is same sex or not. We work, and we pay our taxes too, then by that same token we deserve the same benefits given to others. Who we love is our business and if you hate it because your God tells you to, then fine, let us be tax exempt like you. That is right. Churches are tax exempt and so should we. See, you are basing your life on a personal belief. We have a personal belief that we are this way and this is who we love. Make it EQUAL. Separate yourself from politics or be involved but get rid of your tax exempt status, or allow us to be tax exempt too.

To all others, this is about EQUALITY and nothing else.

Domestic Partnership is nice, but it is NOT the same thing as marriage. As Tom Campbell, a Republican and former five-term U.S. Congressman stated, “Government has no business making distinctions between people based on their personal lives.”

p.Johanna is a single lesbian who lives in Southern California. You can find out more about her and view her photos by visiting her page on MySpace.

I am a woman who wants to marry a woman. Mind you I don’t have any woman in mind yet. But I’m hopeful I will find the one and that when I do, same-sex marriage will be legal in this whole country as well as the whole world. Damn, I may be dead by the time same-sex marriage is legal the world over. The sooner the world gets with it, the better for me and for all of us.

Same-sex marriage is currently legal in the states of California, Massachusetts, and Connecticut. It is also legal in the countries of the Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa, and in Norway (effective January 1, 2009).

Three states have anti-same-sex marriage initiatives on their ballots in next Tuesday’s elections. Vote NO on Proposition 8 in California, NO on Proposition 2 in Florida, and NO on Proposition 102 in Arizona, if you live in any of those battleground states.

I live in the state of Iowa. Same-sex marriage was legal in Iowa for about a day in August of 2007. Two Ames men, Sean Fritz and Tim McQuillan, managed to get married during that brief window of opportunity. They are Iowa’s first and so far only same-sex couple to marry.

One Iowa, the state’s largest LGBT advocacy organization, is dedicated to supporting full equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals living in Iowa through grassroots education and advocacy.

I had the pleasure of attending a lesbian wedding in Iowa in the 1990s. Although not legally recognized, the wedding took place at the First Unitarian Church of Des Moines. The wedding reception was held in the church hall. It was a joyous occasion. A few months before the wedding, I suggested to the happy couple that they register for wedding gifts. The two ladies hadn’t even thought of that. They delightedly did so. A lesbian friend and I bought them a wedding present from their gift registry at Target.

I want no less than equal rights for me and my gay compatriots. I want to find the right woman and marry her if she’ll have me. I want my family and friends to celebrate with me my wedding day and my lifelong marriage. I’m confident a legal marriage will make me healthier, wealthier, wiser, and happier. Get me to the courthouse on time!

Jules Joyce is the Fighter Writer, a playwright and blogger who lives in Iowa. You can find her speaking more of her mind on her blog The Fighter Writer.